The Number on the Scale Does Not Determine Your Value
It’s no secret that I am overweight. It’s not something I am in denial about.
BUT, I want to start right off by saying that my weight (& your weight, healthy or not) does NOT determine our value.
The number on the scale does not determine your worth.
It is important to remember, however, that humanity has the tendency to swing the pendulum from one end of the spectrum to the other, bypassing the healthy middle. And it is so important that we seek that healthy middle of the swing.
Insecurity-The Bully of Pride
Insecurity has been a lifelong nemesis of mine, following me around like a dark cloud, threatening to convince me continually to not bother trying to make friends because I am just not pretty “enough” to fit in with other people.
I have long believed, erroneously, that because I am not a healthy weight, I am not “good enough.” I have believed that anyone who expresses love might be secretly mocking me behind my back because of my obvious rolls on my tummy & my chin.
And this bully, I have come to realize, is one of pride. God has been revealing to me that I don’t have to be liked to be nice to & serve others.
Insecurity Made Me Do It
I have resorted to baggy clothes in the past, relying on sweatshirts & cardigans to mask some of those rolls.
I have gone through a time in my youth where I would only shower in my clothes because I was too ashamed to look at myself because I was often told that my weight was the source of my social problems.
I have self-sabotaged relationships (before my now husband) because I felt it was easier to love & lose than to love & find out that the love was a lie because I felt too ugly to ever be genuinely loved by someone else.
And I have spent more hours than I can count begging God to make me skinny so that I could “finally be worthy & have value & be included & loved.”
I thought my weight was my problem. And because no diet lasted & no workout routine persisted, I believed I was forever doomed to be the ugly, fat friend that at least made people want me around to make them feel better about themselves.
Rebelling Against “the Problem”
And at the same time, I hated it all. I HATED that I supposedly couldn’t be loved the way I wanted because I wasn’t PRETTY “enough” or SKINNY “enough.” That disgusting standard made me want to SPIT at it.
And so, I spat at it by eating whatever I wanted, not thinking much at all about whether or not it was good for me.
I hated that supposed standard that would determine whether or not I could receive love. I hated it so much. It felt shallow & terrible that a loss of weight was the determining factor on whether or not I could be loved or wanted by friends or boys.
God Revealed It Was a Lie
God blessed me with roommates in college who seemed to be the ideal women—pretty hair, pretty face, good style, good with makeup, thin, popular, confident, smart, fun, etc.
They were gorgeous model-types. And boy was I intimidated (& jealous) so many times. I was CONVINCED in the beginning that they saw me as “beneath” them… as the ugly, fat roommate.
There were some girls my weight & up who lived on our hall, & I just “KNEW” that my roommates probably scoffed & turned their noses up at us behind our backs because they seemed so hot & me… well, so NOT.
But then I would over-hear them whispering or talking quietly—when they didn’t know I was around—talking about me or girls who were bigger than me…. With kindness, respect, & awe…. Talking about qualities they admired about them! NOT gossiping or mocking EVER behind their backs. I honestly did not believe it for the longest time… until I saw it as a consistent pattern.
They MEANT it.
They weren’t just nice as a façade… they spoke kindly about other women who were not the model-look they were, even when those women weren’t around… almost like weight wasn’t a factor at all in whether or not they liked or respected someone.
A Crack in the Lie Was Forming
And then I met my husband. He saw ME. He loved ME. And he showed me God’s love for me in how he himself loved me. He cuddled my rolls versus avoiding them or mocking them. He saw (sees) me as beautiful.
He encouraged me to toss away the baggy clothes & fat-covering cardigans for pretty, floral dresses & cute clothes I felt pretty wearing—the kind of dresses I always felt so pretty in but never wore because I was told they weren’t flattering “enough.”
My husband helped me see that it was ME he loved, not my appearance.
This was new to me! It took me a long time to actually even believe it.
He even said to me multiple times, after years of loving me as is, “I want US to be healthy because I CARE about you. If you were healthier & somehow GAINED weight from it, I would still want you to be healthier because I care about your well-being more than I care about your appearance or weight.” Wow.
Don’t Let the Pendulum Swing the Other Way
But on this journey of recognizing that my value is in NO way tied to my weight, I was tempted to reject caring about my weight at all—to reject altogether the harmful lies I was told all throughout my youth–“throwing the baby out with the bathwater” as the saying goes… rejecting the good WITH the bad.
And then God whispered Truth into my heart. He is helping me divide the two as two completely SEPARATE issues altogether.
- To have confidence & extend love to others, not questioning whether I deserve it in return because of my appearance. To dress pretty & enjoy it, even if it’s not always flattering “enough.” To feel pretty & appreciate my appearance as is, rolls & all.
- But ALSO, to steward well the body God has made for me. To care for my body to minimize health concerns & risks. To respect that my husband does not want to see me sickly from poor care of my body & not wanting to add that stress to his life because I love him.
And that’s where the pendulum swing tends to get us… & where it has trapped me for years. I didn’t like the concept of beauty/weight = worth, so I swung the other way in not caring about body stewardship one bit.
But I started out the other way, caring too much about my health because I was too afraid to be fat & unloved.
The Truth Will Always Set Us Free
I can appreciate & love myself & feel pretty AS IS, while still honoring the gift God has given me with this body that He has “knit together in my mother’s womb.” (Psalm 139:13-16)
This realization has given me SO MUCH FREEDOM & has sparked a new joy in life & a new joy in caring for my body, not to gain likes from others, but because it honors God’s workmanship.
In a life that pursues holiness, as God commands us in 1 Peter 1:16, “Be holy, for I am holy,” it is important that we begin to recognize what motivates our decisions. If we sense God nudging our heart to abstain & then we indulge, skinny or not, that is a choice led by gluttony. We are putting our trust in food (or, more accurately, ourselves), versus God.
God wants us to make healthy decisions. This also means to refrain from starving yourself to feel more worthy of love & affection.
When God nudges us with those warnings, it is not to control or restrict us for an arbitrary power trip, but because He sees clearly the consequences of that decision that may be hidden to us in that moment.
Heed His voice!
Your Weight Does Not Determine Your Worth
Don’t let cravings trump your trust in our Loving God Almighty.
Don’t let cravings make your decisions for you.
Don’t let cravings (or craving for a lower number on the scale) tempt you to choose YOU over God.
Don’t let your cravings “solve” your problems rather than opening up to & leaning into God.
Your weight does NOT determine your worth.
BUT, take care of your body, knowing God made it for YOU.
Not perfection, but progress. And please know that these are just as much reminders for me.
Shine HOPE by letting GOD determine Truth—NOT the standards of others.
Coming Next Week
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