Back to the Tropical

Much to our surprise, my husband & I will be moving again this Summer—back to Guam.

People keep asking me how I feel about it, & the best answer I can give them is, “I go back & forth.” Now don’t get me wrong, Guam is a beautiful & magical place to visit, but my personal experience living there wasn’t entirely positive.

Part of my experience there had to do with the demanding work schedule my husband was on, where he was gone so much I felt mostly alone on the opposite side of the world. Another part was that most people our age were so busy that they didn’t have much space for us in their lives—not at all their fault—just the way it was back then.

I felt pretty alone there. And the idea of going back sort of makes me feel like I had finally beat a really hard level in a video game only to have the game glitch & make me replay the level.

A Rough Time Re-Visited?

Maybe these reasons seem silly &/or lame to you, but for someone who didn’t grow up military, lived near family her whole life, had long-time friends, to move to the other side of the globe, with an opposite time zone & no smart phones at the time… it was pretty rough.

When my husband first announced his happening upon this new job, I honestly just felt dread. Anxiety swished around in my brain & I felt overwhelmed & anxious. I didn’t want to re-live the rough time I had there before.

Journal My Thoughts, Face My Fears, & PRAY…

Normally, when anxious thoughts swirl around in a whirlwind of thoughts, I have found that taking out a journal & listing them all out really helps me to face the source of my fears, naming them versus faceless swirls of anxiety.

So, I did just that. I got out a journal, & began just pouring out the anxieties on my heart so I could face each one & let God dispel the fear & encourage my heart to pray over the different things that worried my heart so much.

But, as I did so, most items on that list were things that perceivably just won’t be changing any time soon… & the more I wrote…. The more I thought & prayed over the points on that list… the more anxious I became. So much for that idea!

Rejoice in Affliction??

And I cried. I felt bitter & frustrated & resistant toward the whole situation, wondering why our planned “2 more years in Japan & then back to the states” idea had to change so suddenly.

And as I cried & prayed… God whispered over my heart the words “rejoice in affliction.” (Romans 5:3-5)

That was not at ALL what I wanted to hear from God. How in the world, when I am feeling such turmoil of emotions, am I supposed to have JOY & REJOICE in AFFLICTION?!

My Attitude Check

At first, I was just like, “well, thanks for nothing,” but reluctantly, eventually I apologized to God for my initial bratty response, & asked Him, “God, okay. I’m sorry. You know best… better than me… but how am I supposed to have JOY in affliction? HOW can I REJOICE in affliction? I don’t even see how that can be possible for me so how am I supposed to do it? Please show me & teach me how because it feels impossible to me right now. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Guess what His whispered-over-my-heart response to my prayer was? Two words: “Even if….”

Will I… Even in the ”Even If”?

Even if. Will I choose to praise Him even if He DOESN’T answer me the way I want… even IF He doesn’t wrap up all the details with a pretty bow for me… even IF He doesn’t make it easy for me first…?

Will I praise Him even if…? Will I trust Him even if…? Will I follow His lead even if…?

Maybe you’re thinking, “well, of course you submitted & said sorry & everything got fixed….”

Except, my response went more like: “I’m going to need a few days to think about it.”

I Wanted Everything Wrapped Up in a Pretty Bow for Me

Over the next few days, I was determined I wouldn’t let it go. I was frustrated. I didn’t want an EVEN IF situation! I wanted a solution, a fix, a pretty wrapped-up-in-a-bow deal.

But that wasn’t God’s answer to me. His answer to me remained that two word question: “even if?”

And so began the cycle of crying in frustration upon being reminded of His response, apologizing for being so resistant to Him, to asking for His help AGAIN with the whole “joy in affliction” thing.

They Didn’t Wait for the Fire to be Put Out First

As I prayed, God reminded me of Shadrach, Meshach, & Abednego, how, when they were told to dishonor God or else be thrown into a fiery furnace (to the death), they chose to honor God no matter the cost. (Read the full story in Daniel 3.)

And they didn’t know God was going to rescue them. They didn’t know the “one who is like the Son of God” would meet them in the furnace & keep them from even SMELLING like smoke.

And even before knowing any of that would happen, these mens’ response was: “EVEN IF!”

They didn’t wait for God to put out the flames first.

Their response was: “EVEN IF!”

He Has It Under Control & He Has a Plan… Even If

How convicting. How humbling. How not-at-all-what-I-wanted-to-hear.

It hasn’t been easy for me moving forward with this move, but just in being willing to hear Him out & seek His help in the “even if” & the “joy in affliction” parts, I have seen Him grow in me a peace… not an eveything-is-going-to-work-out-the-way-you-want-anyway peace… but an “Okay God, I get it. Even if. You have it under control & You have a plan… even if.”

Life doesn’t always go the way I plan (big surprise there, huh?) & doesn’t always even go the way I want (anyone else?)… but God has a plan in it, so I can rest in that.

I’m a Work in Progress

I’m still a work-in-progress, but I can trust my anxieties & fears & unmet expectations to an all-knowing, all-powerful, LOVING God.

“So, God, here I am. I’m sorry I am not jumping to trust you in the no-matter-what’s of life, but thank You for being patient, gentle, & long-suffering with me & with all of us. I don’t deserve You, but I am so grateful that I can lean on You when life doesn’t go my way. You have a plan. You are enough. You have it under control. You are loving… even in the “even if….”

Shine HOPE by asking Him to help you know HOW you to even have joy in affliction & how to trust & follow Him, even in the “EVEN IF….”

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for over 4 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Infinity Earrings

These pure silver infinity hoop earrings with a subtle hammered-metal finish are handcrafted in Guatemala & are designed to coordinate with many of your other favorite styles from our Living Tapestry Collection. Each earring features a pure silver charm at the top of each infinity hoop that’s embossed with the fingerprint of the woman who made it!

—>Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Guatemala.<—

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue supporting them as well as continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!