When Nothing in Life Seems to be Going My Way…

Have you ever asked yourself this question of “Why is my life always hard”? Do you feel like you’re constantly dealt “a bad hand” in life & nothing ever seems to work out & that nothing good ever lasts?

Are you tempted to just give up trying because you don’t think it will work out anyway? Are you expecting to be disappointed yet again? Are you tired of having it seem like everything in your life always goes wrong while nothing ever seems to go right?

I have struggled with those questions. I have let Satan twist & turn negative circumstances so much in my heart that I just easily believe every lie of angry, hurt frustration boil up consistent bitterness within me.

I have asked the question: “Why is my life always hard?!”

It’s Not All Depression’s Fault… & It’s Not All Everyone Else’s Fault

Depression seems to be an ugly monster, for sure, as it can make me so droopy & out of it… but the true enemy is Satan… & my readiness to believe him… as he takes my weakness & twists & exploits it at every opportunity.

And then there’s the sin-torn world I live in, where lows & hardships are inevitable this side of Heaven… & it can be pretty easy to fixate on everything wrong with culture & sin….

It seems justifiable & reasonable to blame my depression… & satan’s exploitation of it… & the sin in the world, shown through all the wrongs in this world… & wrongs people commit against me personally.

BUT, another UNDENIABLE, yet often overlooked culprit for turbulent times of my life… is my own pride.

How Does My Pride Have Anything to Do with Feeling So Unsatisfied in Life?

I want things to be easy. I don’t like to struggle. I don’t like the effects of sin in this world (or its pull on my own heart). I don’t like depression or feeling Satan kick me when I’m down. I don’t like it when people wrong me or when things just don’t seem to be able to ever work out in my favor.

I don’t like facing hard things in life!

And, in facing all of the moments of dissatisfaction or disappointment, leading to sprouting bitterness… if I am completely honest with myself, & with God, I can see my pride welling up within me.

I think I know what I want… what I deserve… what I have a right to… what others seem to easily have with no problem while I struggle fruitlessly… I see the smiling faces of social media & how everyone else seems to get the life they want… so why can’t I?

My pride tells me: “I deserve!” “I earned it!” “Everyone else gets it!” “I want that life/success, too!”

My Ideal… Based on MY Ideal

I don’t know about you, but I had built up an understanding of what it would look like for me to “make it” in this world.

I wanted a job full of “well done!” accolades… a reputation of respect for my diligent hard work… to prove I was smart & capable enough.

I wanted to get married & feel loved despite all my flaws that others had implied were unlovable… to prove them all wrong.

I wanted to have kids & have my ideal little family with inside jokes born of silliness, family game nights, & adventures… I wanted to be a mom that my children respected & adored, who could someday be their best friend when they were grown with families of their own… to prove I could be a good mom.

I wanted to be admired & liked & to prove to everyone that I was good enough… but that was all based on MY ideal versus seeking GOD’s plan & will for my life.

I Need to be Willing to Let Him Change My Mind… & My Path… For HIS Glory, Not Mine

And that struggle born of childhood ideals didn’t end there… I faced it again leaving continental America for the first time to Guam with the loneliness that engulfed me… I faced it again when I moved to Hokkaido, where everything was bathed in the stress of a language barrier or culture shock… And again here in Guam again, facing the fear of my past.

My default is to focus on my story being MY story versus HIS… on what isn’t going the way I imagined or wanted or was told I could have because I “earned” or “deserved” or “had a right to” it.

I make my life all about what I think I should get out of it, versus humbly being willing to be shaped & directed by an Almighty God, giving Him the glory no matter my circumstances.

Why Is My Life Always So Hard?

Surrender… I struggle with surrender.

Am I willing to surrender MY ideal for His will?

Am I willing to surrender the way I always thought it would be or should be?

Am I willing to surrender the way I want it?

Am I willing to surrender to something “less than” for God’s leading instead?

Am I willing to give up what I think I should have for what God determines I should have?

Surrender.

And guess what? Until I choose to submit to that one little word, I will remain in my misery.

I have to be willing to get to the point where I lay down all my wants & ideals & determinations & ambitions & desires & what I “deserve” or “have a right to”… & lay it all down in surrender to my loving God who knows better than me.

A Prayer of Surrender

“God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I think it has to be such & such way for me to be happy. I am sorry that I cling to “HAPPY” like an idol or drug to get me through… versus YOU. I’m sorry that I make my wisdom my lord instead of asking for You to have authority in my life. I am sorry I try to make myself equal to or greater than You. Forgive me for my vanity in thinking my wisdom should determine Your actions. Forgive me for thinking I drive my life. Forgive me for making it more about me & not about You. Forgive me for my lack of surrender. Please forgive me. Teach me how to have my satisfaction in You. Teach me how to let You lead & to listen to Your wisdom over my own. Help me know You more & trust You more & love You more. Take my life & let it be all for You. Whether a janitor or a leader, whether well-known or invisible, whether poor or rich, whether respected or rejected, take my all & make it Yours. Help me rejoice in You. Help me live for YOUR GLORY & NOT my own. Help me know how to determine satan’s lies so I can shut him out & cling instead to Your Truth & hope. Thank You for JESUS despite my obvious undeserving. All to You I freely give. Whether I eat or drink, or whatever I do, help me to do it ALL for YOUR GLORY. AMEN.”

Shine HOPE by surrendering your dissatisfaction, bitterness, & disappointments to His working, will, & way.

Coming Next Week

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A Note from Michelle:

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Mia Hoops (Peru)

Enjoy a modern twist to classic hoops with these unique, oblong, open-hoop earrings. Handcrafted in Peru, these gold-tone Mia Hoops are made in a workshop committed to empowering the next generation with traditional Artisanal skills training. Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Peru.

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Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!