Am I Fit for Motherhood?
Have you ever had the fear that you were not good enough to be a mother or that you would somehow ruin your children if you had any?
Dealing with depression, I have definitely had that fear. When I am at my lowest, I struggle to even take care of myself, so I sometimes am afraid that if God were to give me children, I would do a terrible job at taking care of them in those lows.
I’m also selfish. Well, not all the time… but honestly, there are some days that I think, “I would never have the freedom to do this so easily with children… do I even want them?” And if I have days with those thoughts, how could I ever be fit to be a mother?
Many Women Have This Same Concern
Some ladies have confessed to me that it’s their past that scares them away from motherhood… whether it’s their own childhood with abuse, neglect, or even just the human shortcomings of a parent… or whether it’s their own personal mistakes of their past that make them feel unfit.
And since I have heard this fear expressed multiple times through my life, of: “Oh no, I could never have kids… with my [mental disorder, past, history of mistakes] I would ruin them for sure!”
Take heart with this simple but profound Truth: no one is beyond God’s reach & no one is unredeemable.
God Fills in the Gaps
There are so many strong Christian women I have met who were abused, neglected, cheated on, or were completely failed by their parents in some way & yet, through their surrender to God’s healing hand, their life was redeemed & God used their past for His glory & for their good.
It is common for parents to fail their children in some respect, despite their desperate attempts to avoid doing so… because they are human.
This is not an excuse to use in order to ALLOW the poor behavior, wrong responses, neglect, etc., but is simply a fact. Humans will always fall short.
But the good news is that God is always willing & perfectly able to fill in the gaps.
Scenarios Where God Can Redeem
Picture a military wife, wide-eyed & excited to be wooed by a military man in uniform, falls in love, gets married, has children, & then he gets deployed. Now she’s raising them on her own, she’s tired & stressed & feels alone in the day-to-day, just trying to make it through until he returns… she gets short with her children, easily upset, tense, checked out, sad, frustrated… just living in survival mode, running on empty….
The yelling. The “just leave me alone” over-stimulation. The short temper. The tears.
Will it have a negative impact on her children? Most definitely it will. But… God.
But then picture a new scenario, where a mother has full support from her husband, attends women’s Bible Study to stay filled & encouraged, but on days where she hasn’t gotten enough sleep the night before, she slips & screams in response to her child repeatedly disobeying & ignoring her instructions.
Will that have a negative impact on her children? Most definitely it will. But… God.
And sometimes it is simply just repeating the patterns the mother saw growing up, oblivious to the potential of it being any different because it’s all that has ever been modeled to her.
Will that have a negative impact on her children? Most definitely it will. But… God.
We ALL Fall Short
The point is not to scare you into thinking, “why bother then?!” but to encourage you that NO mother will EVER be perfect. We ALL fail in some regard. And it WILL have a negative impact on the children.
BUT, GOD.
We live in a sin-torn world & God tells us we WILL have trials & tribulation, BUT that HE has overcome the world! (John 16:33)
He also tells us that He PROMISES that EVERYTHING will be worked for the GOOD of those who love Him & are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
We all fall short of His glory. (Romans 3:23-24) He heals & binds up the wounds of the broken-hearted. (Psalm 147:3) He is sufficient. (2 Corinthians 9:8)
In other words, GOD CAN REDEEM ANY PAST & HEAL ANY HURT. And though we do & will fall short… HE IS ENOUGH.
What If I Ruin My Children?
We don’t have to be imprisoned by the fears of all the ways we could mess it up because 1. We can trust that God can help us each step of the way IN our weaknesses & failures, & 2. We can trust that God can heal & redeem anything broken.
This gives me confidence that I can lay down that fear at His feet & say:
“God, I see that I am insufficient. I have my own personal struggles & past hurts & bad patterns that were modeled to me by the world I grew up in (some that I am sure I am not even aware they exist yet!). But God, You are greater. You are sufficient. You can fill in the gaps where I lack. Help me not to be controlled by my fears of insufficiency, but by Your power & love. Help my trust to be in You & not in me. Help me to lay this down. Forgive me for my failures & redeem those situations. Give me wisdom moving forward & help me to always remember to stop & ask for Your help where I am lacking (in mood, wisdom, strength, willpower, patience, & anything else I struggle with in each moment). You are enough. You are sufficient. Praise to You! All glory & honor belong to You. Watch my [potential future] children & hold them in Your capable hand. I love You. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”
Shine HOPE by laying those fears of “what if I ruin my children?” at His feet & asking Him to redeem in your mistakes day-by-day.
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