A Letter to My Fellow Expat:
Being a foreigner is hard. Period. Whether you’re in the military, mission field, or are a contractor, it’s tough being the odd one out.
… If you have ever been a foreigner, you probably understand what I mean.
The fact that being a foreigner comes with unique challenges does not negate the fact that there is much adventure to be had while making good memories with great friends… but it is hard.
Feeling Out of Sync with the World Around You
There just seems to be a rhythm in each place in the way they do things & when you don’t know that rhythm, you are automatically out of sync with the world around you.
This could show itself in their customs & etiquette in specific situations that differ from your home country, or slang used in a particular area that you are unfamiliar with, or even how the checkout line or gas station operates—not to mention the currency differences.
Communication takes on a whole new level of hard when you have to use broken sentences, speak slowly, use translation apps & pictures just to find simple things you previously took for granted as a quick in & out stop.
Sometimes employees make a quick 180 & hope you didn’t notice them noticing you before they dart away to avoid an uncomfortable language barrier ridden conversation.
Sometimes children point & stare like you have three heads.
Sometimes you’re hurt or lost & you don’t know how to ask for help.
The Well-Meaning Advice of Others Just Falls Short
Friends & family will often give well-meaning advice, but they don’t really get it & the things they offer are things you’ve tried unsuccessfully a million times… because life is just hard as an expat in a way that not many people will ever experience personally.
Whether it be to avoid things you can’t avoid or try things that can’t be tried the way one may imagine, some advice just doesn’t work when applied to every situation. Because try as you may, it may still just be hard.
The Struggles We Face
Loneliness is a companion you never wanted to ever feel so acquainted with… isolation from a world going on around you… not understanding the signs or billboards or words spoken all around you as people pass on the street.
Straining your ears for a smidge of understanding when listening to announcements or alarms. Keeping your eyes glued to the scrolling train signs for English to appear so you don’t miss your stop because you can’t understand the announcements.
The world goes on around you in a specific rhythm & you are out of sync, lonely while surrounded by people who don’t speak your language.
I know it’s hard because I have been that expat.
The Strange Blend of Happy Memory-Making & Overwhelm/Stress
You can still enjoy where you live, taste the adventure, not be particularly unhappy… & still experience the very real HARD it is to live abroad as a foreigner. It doesn’t stop being hard just because you’re having fun. And the constant striving to adapt is a constant challenge to the brain.
As an expat, your brain is working on constant overdrive, sometimes burning out or overheating from constant input that it can’t make any sense out of. It gets tired more easily. It feels overwhelmed more easily. And even things that once were taken for granted as “simple” now make you want to cry because you’re already maxed out.
The stress on your brain is real. Culture shock is not just an initial adjustment period, but a literal shock to your brain with every new thing your brain can’t compute easily or understand because it’s not the way you’ve always known things to be.
Overwhelm, stress on your brain, loneliness, isolation… all of these can happen for an expat because they don’t fit the rhythm of the world going on around them… even while you’re making wonderful memories.
You’re Not Crazy… It’s Just Hard
So, if you are an expat, if you’re military or a missionary, please know you’re not crazy. Even if no one seems to understand just how hard it can be or why it feels so hard for you specifically, you’re not crazy. It’s just hard.
Friends & family don’t mean to belittle your struggle. They’re not trying to say you’re weak or weird for struggling… they just may not have experienced it the way you have… they just may not understand & how could they if they haven’t themselves experiences it before?
Even I, before moving to Hokkaido, didn’t understand one bit. I visualize their experience as an extended, adventurous vacation & would romanticize “how cool it would be,” not realizing how hard it would be right alongside that “cool.”
Please be Kind to Others… Even if It Doesn’t Make Sense to You
And if you haven’t been a foreigner, please be kind to the foreigners you know, whether they be friends from your home country who are now overseas & their struggle doesn’t make much sense to you, or whether it be friends who are foreigners in your home country… be kind… because it’s hard.
Be patient with them as they struggle with the language & the customs & the way of life & the unexpected & the out of the norm for them. Give them grace.
Pray with them as their emotions & stress & overwhelm struggle with being out of rhythm with their world, feeling isolated & maybe alone. Pray with them & for them.
It’s okay not to understand why they feel what they feel, but God understands, so remind them of that & offer to just take a moment to sit & pray for them, asking God to help them manage the stress, to comfort them & give them peace, to be their strength, & to give them courage to face the unknowns of each day, with each new wave of culture shock that may catch them off guard.
Give Yourself Grace… & Pray/Lean into God for Help
And if it’s you who struggles right now, I get it, friend. I get it. It’s hard & somedays all I could manage was to cry because the strain & stress & overwhelm & isolation felt so oppressive. It’s hard.
But God IS greater & bigger & stronger than you are.
He CAN give peace where peace seems impossible.
He CAN BE your strength if you let Him.
Some days I rocked it. I cried & prayed & asked God for help with some semblance of normalcy & comfort & peace & strength & courage… & He gave it & I overcame that day with His help.
But other days… I just cried & tried to shut out the oppressive overwhelm that threatened to consume me.
Give yourself grace in the hard. It’s okay that it feels hard because some days it is. You don’t have to conquer every day with easy courage. You’re allowed to struggle & recognize you need help.
As Always, Ask God for Help in the Hard
Lean into Him. Take your burden to Him, drop it, & say, “God, this is too heavy for me today. I feel like I am being swept down river. Help give me my footing. Help me cling to You & not let myself be swept away by the stress of today. Help me trust that You really are enough when I am not. Help me to have grace when others may flippantly dismiss my struggle, not understanding how it could be such a struggle for me. Help me to be patient with them & with myself. Help me to recognize that it’s okay that it feels hard & that You can be enough for me in the hard, when I come to the end of myself. Even in loneliness, You are my Friend. You counsel me & love me & are faithful through every bit of it. Thank You, Father for Your consistent love. Amen.”
It’s okay that it’s hard. God is enough in the hard. Cling to Him.
Shine HOPE by letting Him be your enough even on days when you realize you really, absolutely are not.
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