It’s Hard to Trust Him When His Plan Goes Against Mine

Have you ever wanted something so badly that it hurts & yet your prayers seem to fall on deaf ears? You know God sees your aching heart & feels your hurt, & yet, He doesn’t answer the way you want?

Or have you gone through something so incredibly hard that you beg God for a solution or healing or an end to it… & yet none comes?

Why surrender to God when nothing is going your way? HOW can you?

Hitting a Crossroad… Sometimes Prayers Don’t Get Answered the Way That I Want

I feel like life is a constant progression of coming to these crossroads: Will I choose my will… or His when they’re very different?

First that I can remember was my depression era in high school, where I wanted to die more than anything else… I wanted the pain to stop but it just never would… like I was trapped in a broken, fractured mind that barraged me constantly with thoughts about how much of a worthless burden I was. I prayed for freedom from the constant onslaught of attacks, but none came… for two straight years, none came.

Then there was my romantic heart where any boy that was nice to me… well, I was already basically picturing what our kids would look like & what our life would be like if we ended up together. I wanted to be married more than anything else… I loved the idea of feeling completely & utterly loved… but traumas & fears caused me to run whenever it got serious… & nothing ever felt quite right… like I was chasing validation versus real, sacrificial reciprocated love. I prayed & prayed & prayed, but everything hit a dead end, watching my younger sister & younger friends all wed before I even came close… & it hurt… a lot.

And Hokkaido… the isolation… the loneliness… the culture shock waves that would knock me off my feet unexpectedly… the stress buildup that started ripping apart my threshold for stressors… snapping & crying & rage & despair & feeling trapped by the effects the stress was having on my life & not feeling able to stop it… & no one in my life seemed to understand, isolating me even more. I prayed for it to end, but it always seemed to just only get worse.

Surrender to God When His Plan Contradicts Yours

I have been through even more examples of times when nothing seemed to go my way (like not being able to get pregnant or fighting through traumas), no matter how reasonable or good intentions my pleading had, it never seemed to be enough… the agony didn’t end… the answer to my prayer seemed nonexistent… God was silent when it came to giving me what I so badly wanted.

Surrender seems the least obvious choice here. Well, maybe surrender to the despair or hopelessness… but not to God & the possibility that He may have a different plan than I do. When God withholds the way I want so desperately for things to work out, it doesn’t spark an eagerness to surrender to Him at all… it makes me want to hold on & fight, as if maybe I just need to BETTER convince God to hear me out & help me & answer my way.

When All Hope Feels Lost… Will You Surrender to Him AS Your Hope?

When you are stuck not getting what you so desperately want… the thing you ache & long for, whether it be the end of constant pain or the end of loneliness or freedom from constant stress… will you choose to cling to the end of that struggle above all else?

Or will you surrender to God & ask for His will to be done in your life, EVEN IF it is different than your own?

“God, You know I’m hurting. You know how desperate I feel right now… But I also know that You are God & You are good. You have a perfect plan in this. You are sufficient. If You choose to take me a different route, hard as it may seem to me, can You please show Yourself sufficient to me? Help me remember You want my good & that You love me & that You are always enough? Help me trust that You know what You’re doing better than I do... that You see the WHOLE picture that I don’t. Help me learn how to better trust You when Your plan seems so wildly different than what I so, so badly want. I have to trust that, even if it doesn’t go my way. Help me to trust You, to surrender to You, come what may. AMEN.”

Surrender to God’s Will ALWAYS–Even If It Means the Hurt Won’t Stop, It Means He Will Carry You through to an Even Better Plan Than Your Own

In my biggest battle with depression, where I had already listened to Satan’s lies so much that I had spiraled to a place so dark I didn’t even know how to find my way out anymore… I not only prayed but tried everything to pump joy into my life my way, only to find it progressively worsen. It wasn’t until I fully surrendered that I found freedom. I gave up every pursuit to make myself happy, to control my happiness input to ensure I would be happy, to instead say, “God, nothing else. Only You. Nothing else.” And only in the surrender of my pursuit of happiness to rest it all on Him no matter what, did I find that freedom… & not ONLY freedom, but the definitively clear dispelling of doubts I had carried my whole life, giving me an even richer freedom that I never knew could even be possible in my life.

In my longing, lonely, desperate heart of singleness, watching everyone else get married while I seemed to be on a path of eternal singleness, I was inspired by my aunt who had lost her husband & in that loss, she clung to God as her hope. I used to pity her, but after a long, unexpected car ride with just us, I saw behind the image I imagined & instead saw a woman who had such peace & assurance & inner humble confidence. I realized then that singleness was not a curse, but a blessing… if I would but surrender to God’s will over my own... His sufficiency & His love.

And then there was Hokkaido… where I didn’t surrender. I wanted to feel comfort. I wanted to escape the stress. So, I hid from it. I idolized comfort above all else, even above God. I avoided by tv binging & gaming & food. I didn’t learn from my past… that surrender leads to HOPE. I fought God’s plan to keep me in that stressful atmosphere rather than surrendering to that FACT that He would be ENOUGH for me IN it. I let bitterness against God take root & I didn’t get to see the hope that surrendering to Him brings.

Surrendering to God’s will seems THE LAST thing I want to do when life isn’t going my way, but it is in that surrender that I finally find that HOPE I so desperately search for.

God Can be Trusted in Our Surrender

God knows what He is doing. He is all-powerful, all-knowing, & perfectly, without-any-mistakes-ever WISE.

God sees the big picture: all the pieces in play, all unexpected turn of events, spanning through all eternity. He sees it ALL, while I just think I know what I see in my tiny fraction of it.

God can bring beauty out of ashes. No matter how impossibly hard something seems, it ALWAYS is appreciated when it is finally over when I choose surrender to Him in it.

God can be ENOUGH for me in the hard. He is NEVER lacking & how obvious it becomes when I struggle & feel at a complete loss & yet allow Him to be enough & see that He indeed IS.

It’s in the hard that we can see it’s not me or getting my way that will bring me joy & peace & fulfillment… No. It’s found in surrendering to HIS way where we find all that, even when His way seems the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of our most desired way.

Let God Have His Way–You Will Never Regret It

So, why surrender to God when His plan contradicts yours?

Because God is GOD. He can be trusted 100%. He is enough. And if you let Him, He will take your less than ideal & paint a beautiful, unique masterpiece out of your life, one where you will one day look back in awe & wonder & PRAISE that in the impossible, God made a way… & not just A way, but the most beautiful story you never could have imagined for yourself.

So, shine HOPE by learning the beauty in SURRENDER—even when nothing in life is going your way & even when God seems to want the opposite of your own desperate desires.

Surrender to Him… always.

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Kavita Necklace (India)

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