When Everything Is Just Blank…

I am sitting at my computer just feeling completely blank. I have tried to think of what to say, have started typing several times on topics in the back of my mind… but nothing seems to stick. Nothing seems quite right… & so then it gets deleted.

So, I guess I am just going to start typing & see where God takes it today.

Feeling Tired. Feeling Numb.

My depression is a funny animal. Some days I feel pretty okay, some I thrive… but some days (like today) just feel like I am dragging. Everything feels hard.

It might also have something to do with the consistently choppy sleep I have been getting recently. So part of it is quite possibly just being plain tired. But I feel sort of numb, too, like I just don’t really care about much of anything.

Feeling this way makes it hard to do much of anything. I just want to glaze over & get through the day so I can try again tomorrow… or maybe next week. That’s just me being honest. I know sometimes I sound like a broken record when I have these days & talk about it, but the alternative is plastering on a fake smile & forcing out a cheery tone to make everyone else feel better about me not feeling better… but then I just feel like a fake & like what’s the point?

Quitting Just Makes It Worse

But I also don’t want to waste away my day, letting those feelings of blah win, because honestly, enough of those sorts of days piled up makes me feel defeated & they just seem to compound over time, sparking the feeling that my life is just one big waste. (Not a rabbit hole I want to go down again.)

So, that’s not really an option either.

Then what do I do? I’ve got nothin’. I feel blah. I just want to not bother because bothering just seems an added hard to the already existing hard.

Well, surprise, surprise… I go back to my old friend “Surrender.” And here we go again.

God Knows & God’s Enough

“God, I don’t understand why I’m not sleeping… why everything has to feel so hard so often. I feel like I struggle more than most people & that everyone is probably sick of hearing about it by now… so why do You allow it to keep happening? And why do I have to keep writing about how weak I am? I don’t understand why so many things keep me awake lately. I feel like I took sleep for granted & now I never seem to get enough of it. I feel like I’m drifting. I feel bored with & am numbing to life sometimes lately because everything seems grayscale. I crave color. I want to do great things for You, but then I feel like I am obviously not strong enough for it. I get it… I’m not enough. My humanness glares at me in times like this & it is so uncomfortable. I really hate it sometimes. Maybe that’s why You allow it? So I learn it’s not me I need to be trying to count on anyway, but You? I know I need to be better at that for sure. I’m sorry for craving self-sufficiency, for trying to fix it myself… instead of allowing it to be an opportunity to cry out to You as my help. Please forgive me. I like feeling strong & capable, but please teach me that You really are my Enough. Please be my Enough. Help me to somehow give You glory when all I feel like I want to be is a grumbling, grumpy, give-up quitter. Forgive me for thinking I have to have my strength & control back in order to be something or do anything of value for You. You are Enough. Be my Enough. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.”

Am I the Only One Who Feels So Weak So Often?

I don’t know if you ever feel like that? Or if it’s just me?

But boy am I NOT a fan.

But today, & hopefully every day following… I want to force myself to choose surrender & let God take my NOT ENOUGH & make it into something because HE IS ENOUGH.

Shine HOPE by making sure you remember that, too. Amen.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Rosa Bracelet (Guatemala)

Using traditional Guatemalan beading techniques, Artisans handcraft this feminine and romantic adjustable Rosa Bracelet to create a beautiful chain of petite purple diamonds with silver accents. Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Guatemala.

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!