The Hurt That Bleeds Out

We all have been hurt at some point in our lives—I feel pretty confident in that claim—but have you ever recognized ways that those hurts effect your reactions to others?

Does your insecurity rear up? Do you feel immediately offended? Do you withdraw? Do you go on the offensive?

I think for me, it sometimes depends how my hormones/sleep is going, but I have felt & reacted in all of the above for sure.

My Way or God’s Will?

But the more time I spend getting to know God & His heart through His Word & spending time talking with Him, the Holy Spirit convicts my heart about those things… that those reactions don’t line up with how God instructs us to react… no matter how natural those responses may feel in the moment.

So, if they feel so natural yet don’t line up with God’s instructions… which is wrong–I ask that rhetorically of course, because anything that contradicts God’s Word is, by default, wrong.

And yet, it feels so “it’s just how it is” & “well, I can’t help it—that’s just my personality.”

Nope. Cop out alert right there. If a pattern in my heart contradicts God’s instruction, I should not so easily accept the contradiction… I should seek to correct it through prayer with God, time in His Word (the Bible), & counsel from mature believers in Jesus to help me get to the root of the disconnect & cooperate with the Holy Spirit in His weeding it OUT of my natural patterns.

A surrender to His will versus my wrong patterns. God’s will over my way.

Trading My Learned Path for His

I think a lot of my wrong reactions stem from my brokenness in this sin-torn world.

It’s easy to learn patterns that maybe help me protect myself, put up walls, save face, act like “who cares about you anyway?” But a more Jesus-like response would be staying soft, with tenderness, grace, kindness, & patient, longsuffering love toward one another come what may.

Strength coming from HIM & NOT my learned defense mechanisms.

I may be tempted to start up with, “But they…..!!!”

But then I remember: “But, He….”

Keeping My Mouth Shut Is Not the Same as Having a Right Reaction

It is quite true that God has worked a number on this area of my life already, in that I usually can at least keep my mouth shut, but He hears my thoughts & my real heart about things… & He cares about that, too.

So, how do I take my natural, gut reactions & turn them over to allow the Holy Spirit to produce in me His fruit? (Galatians 5:22-23) How do I learn to respond only in a way that honors, pleases, & gives God the glory?

Well, it goes back to my favorite little word—surrender.

It Takes Surrender

I have to be willing to yield my way that feels so right… for His help to do it His way.

To say, “God, ooooh how I hate the way they said that just now & boy do I want to be snarky right now….! But… please forgive me. Jesus died for that, too. Help me to have Your patient, GRACIOUS (by definition: undeserving) LOVE toward them. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7; 1 John 4:16; John 3:16-17) Help me to pray for them (Matthew 5:43-44) versus rehearsing their words or behavior all day. Help me entrust my hurt to You. Be my comfort & heal my heart & help me to forgive & let You handle it. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

The Triggers Come in Many Forms

Sometimes it’s just an unexpected, raised eyebrow from someone (like: “really, Michelle? That was dumb.”). Sometimes it’s criticism when you expected praise. Sometimes it’s an unkind word that felt like a complete slap to your face. Sometimes it’s rudeness in exchange for your intended kindness. Sometimes it’s a careless response to a sensitive topic. Sometimes it’s a lack of understanding or a misunderstanding or a total unwillingness to even try to be understanding.

There are many triggers that can catch me off guard & cause my walls SPRING UP, where I feel attacked & on the defense & I’m insecure & hurt & I think, “how can they even THINK that way!”

But, I come back to that prayer of… surrender.

How Does God Respond to ME?

Oh, how many times have I offended God? How many times has He tried to communicate a truth to me & I did the opposite because His way didn’t make me feel good? How many times have I dared question the Almighty God who sent Jesus to die for my debt to Him? (Romans 5:8; John 3:16-17)

And yet, how does He respond to me? With tenderness. With grace. With patience. With love. With forgiveness. With hope.

Responding from a heart of brokenness versus God’s grace is the most natural thing I can do. But boy does it spit on all God offers me in exchange for all of my deep unworthiness.

Responding from a Heart of Brokenness Versus God’s Grace

Take some time to do a mental assessment next time you rear up in response to something, or want to hit back with your words, or think nasty thoughts toward someone else because of what they said or did or how they acted toward you.

Accept responsibility if your response may not exactly line up with God’s response to you & take a minute to confess that to God right away. Jesus paid for that stray thought or outburst of anger & hurt. Confess it to God & ask His forgiveness. He will forgive. (1 John 1:9)

And be willing to surrender that very real gut feeling to God’s gracious way instead.

Pray for God’s perspective to grow in your heart… a perspective of His grace… when all you may want to do is respond from your heart of brokenness.

Shine HOPE by letting God’s grace trump how you feel when you are wronged &/or hurt by someone else & by praying for them versus attacking, withdrawing, or slandering their name to others for validation. Shine HOPE, through Him & for Him.

Coming Next Week

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