The Night It All Began
I believe it was December 22 when the cough began, because that night I had a rough time of trying to sleep. I remember waking up in the early morning needing to use the restroom but had felt what I thought was my asthma the day before, so I didn’t want to get up for fear of triggering any coughing.
I prayed about it, asking God if I could have peace about getting up or if I should just try to go back to sleep & deal with my bladder in the morning so to make sure I wouldn’t disrupt my opportunity for more sleep that night.
Well, I felt peace about it, so I decided to get up to use the restroom, but when I crawled back in bed, the coughing fits kicked in & my sleep was no more.
Since then, I have wondered why God would give me peace about getting up, only to allow that to be my result, but let’s move on with this Christmas that didn’t go the way I hoped it would.
It Started Off So Well
Now, the whole previous week, my husband & I had the privilege to do something we had never done—Tokyo Disney during Christmastime. It was a fun trip with many happy memories & above & beyond blessings from God.
But, upon the morning of December 23, after a long uncomfortable night of coughing fits, it was now time to gear up to leave for home.
Maybe you might wonder why we didn’t decorate, or wrap presents before our trip, seeing as how we would arrive home at 2am on Christmas Eve following our Red Eye trip back, but let’s just say that not only was it a last-minute decision, but I had been sick, preventing clean up from both my birthday & Thanksgiving prep, making for much recovery needed in our home before leaving.
Our plan was to arrive home around 3am, sleep until Christmas Eve service at 10:45am, run by the store for a rotisserie chicken & some hashbrowns for next morning’s breakfast & dinner. Then come home to wrap presents. Jamie would decorate (usually his much appreciated contribution) while I would prepare food for Christmas day. I would bake cookies from a premade package. We would listen to Christmas music. And then we would drive to look at lights & go to dinner.
It was the perfect plan that never happened.
The First Crumbling of Our Dream Plan Begins
So, the morning of the 23rd comes & let’s just say that neither of us were in a good mood. The day was not sunshine & rainbows. We were ready to go home.
Well, my cough worsens, to the point that I actually felt a little concerned about my breathing ability, wondering if I should attempt seeking medical help in a foreign country, but in true ME fashion, I didn’t want to bother with all of that fuss, so I just tried to make the most of it & get through it as uncomfortable as I was.
So, after my headache meds kicked in, as my insane amount of coughing had jostled my brain to feeling like someone had taken a jackhammer to it, I finally felt some semblance of normalcy & relief.
But that was not to last long.
Feeling Absolutely Crummy & Dampening the Day of Everyone Around Me
Between the constantly reoccurring coughing fits & the subsequent splitting headaches, I was just feeling done… & sluggish… & worried about potentially not being able breathe at any given moment… cough drops did nothing & my cough seemed to laugh at my inhaler… plus a notable lack of sleep the night before… let’s just say that I wasn’t feeling too great.
I wanted to be home, where I could feel physically miserable in private.
… Not the disgusted side glances. Not making people around me feel uncomfortable. Not blasting through others’ attempts at conversation. Not making people sitting near me get up a move to a new seat across the room. Not being persistently physically uncomfortable everywhere I went.
I wanted privacy in my misery.
The Punch to My Gut When I Was Already Struggling So Much
Well, after a day of this, the time of our flight arrived, only to board the plane, get to the runway, & have to turn back because something “wasn’t seeming right & they wanted to have it checked.”
So, we returned to the gate & had to sit on the plane for about an hour or more, only to hear the words over the intercom, “unfortunately, we cannot get approval to take off, so someone will be boarding soon to give you your options.”
NOT what I wanted to hear on Christmas Eve Eve & NOT what I wanted to hear in the current physical state I was in.
Our flight was canceled.
Our flight was the last one out for the evening.
It felt like a punch to the gut.
It Gets Worse
Proceed with about 4.5 hours of waiting for answers, waiting in line, being told hotels were hard to find & so were flights. (Jamie got online, thankfully, & booked himself just in case, rather than risking this—thank You, God, for nudging him to do this!) Then we’re told they’re closing the airport & kicking us out. More lines. Customs & immigration again. More lines waiting for reimbursement paperwork they could have just handed out. Then another line in the bitter cold (with a cough) for a taxi to a hotel for the night.
The aches had begun & at this point my whole body hurt. Standing in hour long lines several times when you’re really achy & sore all over is not my definition of fun.
We got to the hotel an hour after we were supposed to be home from our flight.
So much for our Christmas Eve Christmas prep plans. Our new flight was set to get us home at about 5pm on Christmas Eve.
It Was One Hard Night
Cue an entire night of coughing, no warm clothes because our luggage had been retained & we had dressed for a flight back to tropical weather. And no inhaler. And no cold meds, either.
Oh, & for risk of tmi, I may have peed myself about a million times because of my coughing fits & had nothing to change into, so I had that going for me, too… sitting in that, sleeping in that… & a whole other day in that. Just… gross.
I basically spent the night in the bathtub, refreshing the hot water every once in a while, to ease my aches & provide steam for my lungs to relax. I was a prune in the morning.
Merry Christmas Eve
Christmas Eve begins. The aches are worse. My cough is worse (to the point of a bad fit requiring me to briskly walk to the lobby bathroom at the hotel while we awaited the airport shuttle, so I could lean over a public toilet & throw up several times). Still sitting in my own pee. Plus, very little sleep AGAIN.
It’s safe to say I cried (as discreetly as I could) several times that day.
Well, as if the aches & the bad coughing fits & feeling gross weren’t enough, the crazy chills & incessant needing to blow my nose began. I was physically so weak & in constant pain all over & annoying everyone around me & freezing cold shaking.
Yeah, I cried a lot yesterday.
The Delays Seemed to Never End… Was Our Flight Getting Canceled AGAIN?
But it didn’t end there… unfortunately.
Our flight was delayed 3 hours.
Then another 2 hours. Plane is late.
Then another hour. New flight crew is needed to arrive.
It really felt like we were never going home, like they were just stringing us along for an eventual repeated canceled flight.
At this point, I was seriously expecting a riot, looking around for security nearby because people had started yelling & cussing out staff, saying, “I don’t want free WATER… I want to go HOME!!!” (Except with expletives added.)
I could relate to their feelings of desperation. I just really, really wanted to go home.
Then ANOTHER 30-minute delay… to brief new crew & prepare the plane.
Hope, But One of the Hardest Flights
We finally got on the plane, only to sit on the plane for maybe another hour. I was sitting there waiting for it to all fall apart again somehow.
But… we were cleared & took off! Yay! But we had warnings of turbulence announced to us a majority of the flight. (Which, thankfully, wasn’t very much at all, for which my motion-sickness self was so appreciative!)
I was the most physically miserable at this point. Crazy achiness, chills, coughing, blowing my nose constantly, feeling like a nuisance, in & out of consciousness (which I was so grateful for some sleep at least, even if choppy & inconsistent). I didn’t know how I would make it because I was that uncomfortable & hurting so much, but I had no choice… it was the only way home.
A Not So Merry Christmas
And finally, FINALLY, we arrived back on Guam at 12am Christmas morning.
Merry Christmas.
Well, I was grateful to have gotten a full night’s sleep last night, & that I am feeling a little better, & that my aches & chills have subsided & that I could change my clothes & shower… but I am definitely sick… & Jamie woke up feeling sick, too.
Merry Christmas.
No special Christmas Eve service. No wrapped gifts. No tree. No decorations. No baked cookies. No Christmas breakfast ready to pop in the oven. No special Christmas dinner (cue frozen lasagna). No merriment. Just 2 sick people in pjs, staying in bed most of the day because we just don’t have the energy to move anymore.
Merry Christmas.
God Gave Me Some Perspective
But I think back to 2 nights ago, in the hotel, when I felt so awful, crying in the bathtub so I wouldn’t keep Jamie up all night with my coughs… praying & asking God… WHY?
“God, why? Why did You give me peace to get up that night? You knew it would trigger my coughs, prevent sleep, & set me up on a weak beginning for a super hard day. Why did You allow that to happen to me? I know You love me, so I don’t understand why You could do that.”
And the answer came like a gentle, gracious breeze over my heart… a reminder that the original Christmas was not bright colored wrapping paper or holiday jingles or all about feel-good moments.
My God, Jesus, came to be born in a stable…. (Luke 2:12)
God, Who held all glory & power & majesty, chose to be born in a stable as a human being, surrounded by farm animals, dirty shepherds, & sheep.
He Came for Me… For You
And not only that, but He came to seek & to save the lost (Luke 19:10)… by giving His life for us. (Romans 5:8)
“In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” (1 John 4:9-10)
“For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:17)
“For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” (Isaiah 9:6)
“This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.” (1 Timothy 1:15)
He Suffered Far Beyond What I Suffered for Me… for You
He was rejected by the very people He created & knit together. (Isaiah 53; Psalm 139:13-16)
He was rejected by the very people He came to save, being led like a lamb to the slaughter… for which He responded so graciously by saying, “Lord, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)
The reminder was clear: Jesus’ life & death was much more difficult than my miserable last 48 hours… & He endured it all with gentle, willing, gracious, loving patience for ME… for YOU… to save us from the wrath of God, the consequences for our sin.
Imagine never feeling physical pain because You are GOD & yet willingly being born as a man in order to die for our sins to offer us LIFE.
Merry Christmas
This Christmas may seem empty & void of any Christmas spirit, food, or festivities, with 2 sick people bed-ridden in an undecorated home… but I am so thankful He got me through the last 2 miserable days because boy were they HARD like I have not known hard for a good long while.
Thank You, God, for getting me through the last 2 days. I was in so much pain & I was shaking so hard & coughing so much that I didn’t know if I could make it. Thank You for the sweet relief of sleeping in & out of the flight. Thank You for keeping the motion sickness away. Thank You for the extra chance to get an extra crème brulé latte & their quiche which is one of my favorites. Thank You for nudging Jamie to be proactive & book a hotel & new flight while waiting in line so we had somewhere to sleep that wasn’t too far away. Thank You for the graciousness of the taxi line letting us cut because they saw I was struggling so much with my cough in the bitter cold. Thank You Lord for those sweet intermissions of relief I was able to experience so I could be encouraged to keep going. Thank You for getting us HOME!
And thank You for being willing to endure much worse… for me who deserves so little… for all who believe on You as their hope & salvation.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
When Christmas Doesn’t Go the Way You Hope It Will
Is this how I wanted to spend Christmas? Sick in bed after all that? No. But honestly, I am so grateful to finally be home that not much else matters really… & when I consider how Jesus went through much worse for me? It’s hard to complain about my really hard 2 days + a sick day in bed for Christmas… even when Christmas doesn’t go the way you hope it will.
Shine HOPE by remembering all that Jesus willingly endured on our behalf, starting with His humble original Christmas.
Merry Christmas, & to all a good night.
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