My “Anti-Word” for 2024

One word that keeps popping up in my head over the last couple months is “victim.” Not in a menacing or threatening way & not in a mocking sort of way, but a call to pay attention & to step up.

Basically, I have had the sense this year that the main way I would describe me in my life increasingly so over the last 12 years is with the word “victim.”

Victim of circumstances. Victim of hard situations. Victim of unkindness/meanness. Victim of stress. Victim of loneliness. Victim of misunderstandings. Victim of the consequences of my poor health. Victim of my limiting back pain. Victim of my brain fog. Victim of lacking support/compassion. Victim of language barriers. Victim of terrible, literal storms. Victim of lacking in friendships. Victim of feeling like an outsider wherever I go. Victim, victim, victim.

All of these things have piled up…. They’ve latched on to the previous, making each one seem heavier to carry than the last. They’ve made me shrink back a little more with each one.

God Has Continued to Teach Me… But the Undercurrent Has been Strong

Obviously, I have noticed them & I have wrestled through them & I have prayed & I have seen God work & I have even lived as an open book to allow even my worst handlings of them to bring glory to God & point others to Him as their source of true HOPE.

But what I didn’t notice was the subtler side effect. The shrinking. The changing of my perspective of the world around me—going from a girl full of hope, wonder, & joy, to one who instantly assumes this will be another circumstance to bring me low… shrinking a little more with each time.

Jaded is what it’s made me. It has sapped my joy from me. It has made me far more anxious & tired & just uninterested in trying again, of putting myself out there again. More closed off. Less vulnerable, less approachable.

I don’t like it.

The Me I Was 12 Years Ago

I get a little choked up thinking about my perspective even 12 years ago before moving overseas. How bright & happy I was. Sure, I had hard days & times of stress or worry or failure… but overall, I was so full of hope.

I trusted God more.

Now it’s often more of a “how will THIS let me down this time?” as if it’s expected or guaranteed—even when just having hope for a productive day swept out from under me by my back just giving out or my brain fog swooping in so heavily over my brain that I go numb & zone out, as my day goes partially wasted. A victim to my own body failing me even sometimes.

I just start a lot of my days expecting defeat.

A Battle Cry for Change

And so, this little word seems to keep popping up in my head every time something like that happens—VICTIM—almost as if it is trying to sum up the gist of the dark cloud I feel has been following me & gradually growing over me these last 12 years, gradually sapping away my hope, joy, vulnerability, peace.

So, what to do about it? How can I make it stop? I am supposed to live as “more than conquerors in Christ,” (Romans 8:31-39) & this seems so the opposite of that. So, what can I do about it?

2 Ways to Stop Living Life as a Victim of My Circumstances

Well, the answer has been coming to me in 2 different ways as I have been asking God those above questions.

1–What parts of your victimhood CAN you control or do something about?

2–Stop perpetuating the negative that DOES happen to you & purposefully fix your thoughts more regularly on what is going RIGHT in purposed gratefulness to God. Because bad & good are always both happening at once in ways—but where am I fixing my focus?

A Lesson I Learned 2 Years Ago, Moving Back to Guam

So, starting with the second, I will say that God has been reminding me of when we moved back to Guam 2 years ago. (How has it already been 2 years?)

I didn’t want to come here again. I had mainly very hard memories of here. I felt I had finally gotten past this hard season of my life. I was so mad at God for even initially suggesting we were to move back here through the doors He was opening against my will.

Well, I prayed, unwillingly, “Okay God, I know You ought to win. I get that. You know better than me. You have a plan. I know that. But I don’t like it & knowing that is not going to make me like it, so please help change my attitude.”

His Response? Find Ways to Praise Him

His answer? Thank Him for THREE things, just 3 things EVERY single day (even if they were the SAME 3 things)… 3 things I DID like about being here. You know what my 3 things were consistently for MONTHS? Palm trees, beach views, & ocean breezes. For MONTHS that’s most all I could come up with–that regardless of all else, at least I had those.

But focusing on praise for His blessings in the midst of my hurt did something funny. I started to NOTICE those 3 little things more often & more readily. I started to APPRECIATE them more. I started to appreciate what a BLESSING it was that God had given me the chance to experience those again after our 7 years away in Japan.

Funny, huh? It’s almost like God knows what He’s doing….

Find Ways to Thank God, Even in the Hard–Fix Your Focus

Now, He is encouraging me with the same thing. “What place or person or situation makes you feel like a victim & what about them can you purposely give God thanks & praise?”

It’s funny that our weekly couple’s devotional: “Devotions for a Sacred Marriage,” by Gary Thomas, (HIGHLY recommend!) mentioned in yesterday’s reading that the same can happen with marriage. We see the worst of each other–the bad days, bad attitudes, failures, flaws, etc. & if we focus only on that, it can seem impossible… but that we need to look at the big picture (which our pastor also talked about in his sermon yesterday) to work toward intentionally appreciating our spouse & our marriage. Fixing our focus on the blessings of the whole versus the right now.

So, I need to work on retraining my brain to focus on the blessings more than I fixate on the hard things, remembering to give God thanks in all things, so I don’t become jaded & poisoned by the hard. (1 Thessalonians 5:18; Philippians 4:8)

Where do you park your focus? Where do I park mine?

What Is in My Power to Change or Adjust?

Then there is the first—the things I can do something about.

Now, when I feel small, jaded, or that little reminder of “victim” pops up in my head, since I have been praying about this for a while… I think, “where do I need to retrain my thoughts to not automatically go into victim-mode, by finding something positive to praise God for? OR, what part of this do I have some control in changing so I don’t just accept defeat & slink back?”

For example, I can’t help that I have the back of a woman twice my age that seizes up & makes me go rigid in pain sometimes… but I can pray for alternative methods of doing things (like when I prayed how to clean our floor-to-ceiling glass shower with a bad back & God orchestrated me thinking to look up long-handled cleaning brushes where I don’t have to lean or stretch/strain my back to clean). Don’t just give up–PRAY & trust God sees an answer where you don’t.

What CAN I Do About It?

Or maybe change looks like taking some small steps in the right direction where you have been unmoved or going in the wrong direction.

Steps for future change might look like me using a posture corrector to help strengthen my spine or taking walks & snacking less unhealthily & making better food choices so I am not essentially carrying around an extra 100 pounds every day. NO WONDER my back is damaged!

Or maybe, if someone is being unkind, I can do things to make the atmosphere more pleasant & love-filled versus tense. I can start praying for that person.

Victimhood Brought on by Anxiety…

A big one for me is when I feel overwhelmed & don’t know what to do next, ANXIETY is there to knock out my knees, so that I crumble & become paralyzed in my progress.

And last time it happened… my little “anti-word” of the year came up to greet me– “VICTIM.”

I have been allowing my anxiety… my THOUGHTS to control me.

How much of my life vapors away because I let my THOUGHTS control me? How much has been wasted or slumped or crumbled? Because of my THOUGHTS?

Why do I let mere thoughts control my life? Control my peace? My happiness? My actions? ME?

What Makes YOU Feel Like a Victim?

VICTIM. Does that word whisper over your heart right now?

VICTIM. Does that word make you slink back & slump in defeat?

VICTIM. Does that word make you feel jaded against the world, as if you are just a victim of your life?

VICTIM. Let’s not let that mental state or perspective control our lives anymore.

Take Steps. Make Change. Fix Focus.

Be purposeful in praise.

Be intentional in prayer & trusting GOD to be BIGGER than ANYTHING else.

Be quick to look at the situation or circumstances that make you feel small & think, “what in this do I have control over to STOP?”

Be mindful of your thoughts that you are allowing to run your life.

Maybe it’s your attitude. Maybe it’s your habits that lead you always downward. Maybe it is a LACK of GOOD habits. Maybe it’s your thoughts. Maybe it’s a lack of gratitude & praise to God in your life.

What is it? What can you change?

Don’t Live as a Victim Anymore

What person, place, situation, or circumstance do you need to spend some time even begrudgingly asking God to help change your attitude… to find ways & things to praise God for even in it?

Are you going to keep letting your VICTIM status control your life & your mindset? Or are you going to live in the freedom bought for you by CHRIST? Living as a CONQUEROR & no longer like a victim….

Shine HOPE by taking on this “anti-word” of 2024—VICTIM–letting it be a constant reminder to turn to & trust God, to find things to praise Him for, & looking for what you have control over in preventing that victimhood from taking you down with it anymore.

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