The Times I Ask: “God, Where Are You?”

One of, if not THE hardest thing that causes me to wrestle with my faith is this: that sometimes God doesn’t take the pain away.

Whether it is the seasons of depression I struggle with or periods of maddening sleeplessness, or, like this past weekend, 4 hours of needing to actively fight against throwing up due to motion sickness on a flight–& not being able to get off the plane for some fresh air relief… when the pain keeps going, I begin to whimper… “God, where are You?”

It is most difficult for me to realize that sometimes God wants more for me than just the end of my suffering… He wants me to know Him as sufficient in all things… He wants opportunity to be glorified… He wants people to see that the peace He has to offer is not dependent on everything being comfortable & easy.

And that’s HARD.

It’s Always So Important to Look Back

I don’t know about you, but I do not like suffering one tiny eensy little bit. And when I am actively suffering, whether it’s emotional/hormonal imbalance or whether it’s physical… all I can think of is “MAKE. IT. STOP! PLEASE!”

But, looking back is the best reminder to keep on trusting God in the storms, because every single time, He has proven Himself faithful to me… that He had a plan all along… that He does not waste a single OUNCE of my suffering.

There are SO MANY examples of this that I have written about over these past almost 7 years. I couldn’t even name them all if I tried… there are just too many. God has always been faithful. God has always shown to have a plan. God has never once wasted an ounce of my suffering. No matter how hard it may seem, He proves faithful, sufficient, all-knowing, sovereign, gracious, kind, & wonderful every time.

Let’s Look Back Together

Depression for 2 years in high school, where I thought about suicide almost every day & cried alone in my closet more days than not? God showed that though He had stripped everything away that I counted on or trusted in or relied on for my identity or reputation… that even if I were to lose it all, if I had Him, I had ALL.

Not finding a job for MONTHS when I was desperate for money? God provided through odd jobs here & there every time before a bill was due, allowing me also to pay off all my debts to my parents as well, showing me HE WAS MY PROVIDER AS I trusted in HIM & HIS leading.

Sleeplessness for 2 months straight? God showed me He could BE my strength even when I had NONE, when I was willing to repent of my distrust & ask for His help. He WAS my strength in the hard!

Loneliness over a 6-year period, despite active efforts? God showed me that even though I handled that time progressively worse & completely failed Him & gave up on Him & resented Him… in all of that SIN & distrust & failure… He STILL worked through my life, showing me it’s not about ME being worthy, but about HIM being worthy.

I could go on forever about my undeserving & failure & falling short & distrusting Him & suffering… all with the same outcome: God showing Himself to have a plan, to never waste my struggle, & to be faithful through it all despite my unfaithful heart.

Yes. God can be trusted. Even when God doesn’t take the pain away.

God Didn’t Make Me All Better

On Sunday, I was sitting in my seat on the plane feeling so miserable. Motion sickness was tormenting me so much I couldn’t even reach for my bag to get meds without risk of vomit. I had to keep my head steady & concentrate actively on slow, steady breathing. Trying to catch the airflow from the vent to stay cooled. Trying to distract myself with randomness in my mind. PRAYING for relief & help. And staying very, very sick for the last FOUR HOURS of our flight.

Did I mention the PRAYING for relief & help? Well, I guess I never threw up, so that’s something… but the extreme constancy of discomfort didn’t ever let up. And there is no stopping a plane so I can pull over, get out on steady ground, & breathe fresh air until my tummy settles. Can’t exactly do that on an airplane….

And I PRAYED. Whimpered. Begged. Cried. I was so desperate to feel steady & have my tummy settle. But it didn’t… because sometimes God doesn’t take the pain away.

Rehearsing in My Mind What I KNOW to be TRUE… Even When It Doesn’t Exactly Feel Like IT

So, I have to look back… to remember His past faithfulness… to remember His always eventual displayed goodness when it wasn’t so readily visible in the struggle itself… to remember He will use this somehow, too.

God is good. Even when He doesn’t take the pain away. God is good.

He is faithful. He can BE your strength when YOU have NONE.

I think of the blind man… the people asking who sinned… his parents?… him?… And Jesus’ response? Neither (not that they were sin-free, but that their sin was not the cause), but that God could be glorified–so God’s power may be seen by the people. (John 9:2-3)

Because that man had a need, he was able to experience God’s provision, through Jesus. AND onlookers were able to witness the POWER of GOD, through JESUS.

If Ever Tempted to Doubt God’s Goodness…

And guess what? Our GREATEST need allows us to experience God’s provision, through Jesus, too.

We all fall short. We don’t have what it takes. We’ll never be enough, not REALLY. We’ll never measure up. We will always fail & fall short & get it wrong.

We can’t save ourselves. We can’t be sufficient. We can’t ever be good enough for God.

But… JESUS.

Can we just take a second to relish in that? To meditate on that TRUTH? We fail Him every single day in small ways & big ones, whether it’s distrusting Him in our struggles or anything else… we don’t deserve Him… BUT, He gave His Son to DIE for OUR debt ANYWAY.

I saw a quote yesterday that is so sweet & profound & it went something like, “He came to pay a debt He did not owe, because we owed a debt we could not pay.” Hallelujah, PRAISE GOD!

Sometimes God Doesn’t Take the Pain Away

God is sufficient in our NEED! God is GOOD! God is FAITHFUL!

He may not always answer the way I want Him to, but He ALWAYS answers to my deeper need: learning to let Him be God over every ounce of my life & being... to see Him as truly sovereign AND sufficient.

Perfecting me. Growing my faith in Him as sufficient in all things. Pruning me…. Making me more like Jesus.

Where do you question Him?

Where do you need to repent of distrust?

What need do you need to allow Him to fulfill?

His Son on the Cross for Our Sin

If ever tempted to doubt God’s goodness, we need not look further than His Son on the cross for our sin.

God wants you to know His goodness. He wants you to be confident to rest in Him. He wants you to draw near. He wants to be your sufficiency for all your need. He wants you to know Him.

Shine HOPE by trusting God’s goodness, provision, sufficiency, plan, faithfulness, & love… even when sometimes God DOESN’T take the pain away.

THANK YOU for your patience in the delay of this post being published. That 4 hours of “motion sickness” on the plane ended up being some sort of stomach bug that stuck around 4 FORTY-EIGHT hours. In other words, it got so much worse & yesterday I was just so weak & nauseated that I didn’t do much more than stay in bed. I am feeling much improved today & God held me through the worst of it. Happy to see the sunshine at the end of that dark tunnel. Today is a new day.

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Peace Bracelet (EAST ASIA)

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