My Heart Has Gotten Colder

My husband & I have started trying to pray together before bed so we can share whatever may be on our heart/mind with each other & with God.

As we were praying, I just realized that my main prayer was for my lukewarm heart. I have talked the last couple weeks in my blog about people-pleasing & living in constant need of approval even in how I worship or anything. How it has dimmed my light—taking my focus off pleasing & honoring God as my main focus & instead putting too much stock in whether or not I am pleasing enough to everyone around me.

Well, you may already be aware of this, but the truth is—it is always impossible to please everyone. And in trying to do so anyway, you must water down yourself to be more palatable to more people.

And that’s what I have done. Watered myself down. I stopped drawing & dancing & singing & enjoying the little daily blessings from God all around me because I was too afraid of not doing something well enough.

It’s Okay to be a Work-in-Progress

Hearing “The Magical Yet” read last year sparked this realization first in my heart. I had begun to be too afraid to ever try, to ever do… because what if I am not good enough at it?

I have even projected this feeling to God, as if I am never good enough for Him either & have just sort of walled myself off from feeling passionate about Him even for fear of “doing it wrong.” As if He is also constantly disapproving of my constant inadequacies.

But He knows I am inadequate. He knows I am not enough. That is the very reason He sent Jesus to die. To rise again. (Isaiah 53:5) That is the very reason He says I need to abide in Him & Him in me. (John 15:5) I need Him.

Don’t be Afraid of Your Need to Grow

I need to retrain my focus. I need to let go of fears of insufficiencies holding chains over me from progress & joy. I need to let myself try, fail, do, sing, enjoy the blessings of God around me every day, living a life of praise & not fear.

Not to live my life my way or do whatever I wish, but to stop worrying so much about whether everyone else is praising me or criticizing me over every little detail of my life. As long as I live according to how God says & walk obediently to Him first, naysayers can be naysayers.

That is where I begin again. With my eyes fixed on Him.

Only His Opinion Matters When Others Disagree

Imagine if Jesus’ disciples, or if the authors of the Bible (inspired by God) were to stop worshipping or living according to God’s direction because other people didn’t approve of it always all the time?

What if Jesus had just stepped down & said, “Oh, okay, sorry everyone! I won’t bother you anymore with the truth that is upsetting you so much.”

Jesus was HATED by church leaders even.

Don’t Go Hating on Church Leaders

Now, in their case, they had grown so accustomed to all of their rules upon rules & their way of doing things, that when Jesus challenged them on it, they hated Him for it. They hated Him for challenging their spiritual authority. They hated Him for challenging their role as leadership–their power.

They needed a lesson in humility, didn’t they? In finding their hope in Jesus Christ & not in themselves.

They had felt satisfied that “as long as we do such & such or avoid such & such, we are good!” But Jesus challenged them with the fact that even their THOUGHTS mattered to God. Even their MOTIVATIONS in their actions mattered. (Matthew 5:17-6:15)

Not just checking off the right “Christian-y” things to be a “good” person.

God cares about the HEART.

But, all this to say—the leaders convinced themselves they meant well, but they were missing the whole point.

Well-Meaning Is Not Always the Same Thing as God’s Will

Then there were even the fellow Christians. They were obeying truth & cherishing & surrendering to Christ—but it was still easy to think on human terms & to judge a situation based on what made logical sense to them.

Like, when Paul said he was going to return somewhere where the people there had already made it clear they were out for his blood for the things he was saying—speaking truth & the hope found in Jesus Christ alone….

And, like anyone who loves & cares deeply for someone, all the fellow Christians could think & say was: “You CAN’T go THERE!! They will KILL you!”

His response? “What are you doing, weeping & breaking my heart? For I am ready not only to be imprisoned but even to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus.” (Acts 21:11-14)

Even Christians Get It Wrong Sometimes

Paul’s well-meaning Christian friends were focused on earthly things—the safety & security of their friend—wonderful things to care about when it comes to the life of someone you care about… instead of focusing on the eternal—that even IF he died, if God WAS leading Him, then God had more than a good enough reason, & that “even ‘til death” was MORE than WORTH it.

He understood that death was a small price when considering sharing the hope we have because of Jesus Christ—he was eternity-focused.

His friends weren’t being evil for caring for his well-being, but they could have kept him from obedience to God’s leading if he had tried to please them above pleasing God.

We’re All Human… But We All Need Each Other

Now, we have to be careful talking about misguided church leaders & well-meaning but misguided church-goers, because the Bible is very clear that we need to be plugged into a church. (Colossians 3:13; Hebrews 10:24-25; 1 Timothy 3:15) We need fellowship. We need the coming together. We need a shepherding pastor looking out for our spiritual well-being & growth. (Acts 20:28; 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13; Hebrews 13:17)

But they are all people, just like me. And while much can be gained in sharpening one another (Proverbs 27:17) & edifying (building up) & encouraging (lifting up) of one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11)… when their opinions begin to trump obedience to God’s leading, it becomes a problem… a big problem.

I need to learn to separate the two.

They are all supplemental to all I get from abiding in Him & letting Him lead my life. They are not the main thing.

Everyone Will Always Have an Opinion to Share, but be Right Before the Lord & Let the Rest GO

I think about David. He was so overcome with joy & praise & awe & wonder & worship that he was dancing his heart out so much so that his wife chided him for embarrassing her in front of her maidens. (2 Samuel 6:14-23)

But his response was beautiful because he said he should have danced even more wildly as an outpouring of praise.

If I am truly living to please & honor Him with everything I do in my life, I don’t need to be worried about how everyone else might turn their nose up at me or roll their eyes or raise their eyebrows in judgement.

I just need to worry about pleasing & honoring God in my response to Him & His lead.

Sometimes It’s Just NOT Your Business–If It’s Not Direct Sin, It’s Between Them & the LORD

The Bible addresses judgement in several ways. One of which is: “who are you to judge your neighbor?” which is not saying to not point out sin… it is saying. for one: don’t be self-righteous in judging someone else & how they worship because it doesn’t look like how you do it or how your church did it growing up. (James 4:12)

Don’t think, “oh, they listen to worship music other than HYMNS? Can they even CALL that WORSHIP music?!” or “They raise their hands in church? What, do they think that makes them extra spiritual or something, lol?”

Stop doing that. If you’re concerned that SIN is involved, try PRAYING for God to reveal that to them & give them discernment rather than being a busy-body judging every person’s intent by their actions which you may not understand or relate to.

And get this—even if they ARE doing it with wrong intent, which you cannot possibly know unless you know how to read minds—it should NOT affect whether or not YOU worship. You focus on YOU.

Fixing My Focus

I have let all of everyone’s opinions shape me. Even if they weren’t even intending to do that to me…. I need to be fixing my focus.

I let the turned-up noses, raised eyebrows, & rolled eyes shape how I worship God.

I let the well-meaning opinions of others sway how I handle situations versus keeping my eyes eternity-fixed.

I let the customs of certain church bodies guide me versus looking to God as my guide & unwavering standard, & rather than understanding every group of people is going to do things a little differently, but that doesn’t make it “more right” than the way another church may do things—unless one is acting contrary to God’s Word.

I need to stop judging. I need to stop being so concerned with being judged.

Eyes fixed on Him.

That is where I begin again. With my eyes fixed on Him.

Turning Back to the Heart of Worship… Where It’s All about HIM

Who are you trying to impress? Who are you looking around to see if you’re “doing it right”? Who is your standard?

Are you getting to know Him & what pleases & honors Him through the Bible & prayer with Him? Are you bowing to Him alone? Are you looking to Him for approval? Or to the crowds, your church, your family, Christian leaders, authors, speakers? Who are you seeking to please? Him? Or others?

Where is your focus?

Shine HOPE by LETTING GO of the chains of everyone else’s expectations & opinions & well-meaning contradictions to eternity-focus…. By letting God be your guide in all, with your eyes fixed on HIM as the One to please above all else.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Indian Rose Bracelet (INDIA)

This exquisite, beaded bracelet is a testament to the skilled craftsmanship of women in India, who meticulously handcrafted it using radiant pink jasper beads and delicately incorporated gold accent beads featured throughout the design. The Indian Rose Bracelet is beautiful while creating dignified, necessary jobs for women in areas of extreme poverty of India. In an area where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops, the women in this Artisan community can work in a safe environment.

***Purchase this beautiful bracelet to support empowering women in India out of poverty!***

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

True Humility Breeds Confidence

I have talked about this before on my blog, but, considering last week’s topic of “How I Let My Light be Dimmed,” I thought it was appropriate to talk about it again because it seems to be something that is quite often confused.

Confidence is NOT the opposite of humility. In fact, true humility will breed confidence.

Pride is the opposite of humility. Timidity is the opposite of confidence. But humility & confidence, in their truest sense, will always exist harmoniously.

Why is that? Because true humility recognizes that we deserve nothing, that anything good in us is of Jesus Christ–not us, & that our true strength & worth come from Him alone.

And when you recognize that very true fact, it breeds true confidence, because true confidence is knowing that because all of that is true, even if you feel completely unfit & incapable, you know that He can do all things, so anything HE calls you to, HE will get you through. (God didn’t tell Moses to brush up on His turning water to blood skills… He told Him to be His mouthpiece & to let HIM do the miracle.) (Exodus 4:21)

I Don’t Handle Stressors Well

I became timid, more & more timid, over the last 10 years. And, as I mentioned, timidity is not the opposite of pride, but of confidence. Timidity says my faith in what God is capable of has waned. And that’s not a good thing.

No wonder I am so whiny all the time. No wonder I feel like I have to “self-medicate” my way through stress by turning to anything that makes me feel a sense of comfort, like binging tv, games, etc.

No wonder I often feel so beat up by life.

Honestly, I have been struggling. It’s come in waves… Guam last time… Hokkaido… healing beginning in Misawa… then a very rough year all around last year. Life has beat me up quite a few times over these past 10+ years.

Life Beat Me Up, So I Chose ME–Wrong Move

I have become terrible at dealing with stress. I feel like a weak, broken version of myself sometimes & it just feels upsetting. Tack on there my bad back & waves of really low energy days sometimes… & I just so often feel like a victim rather than a VICTOR in CHRIST.

I cry a lot more than usual. I feel despair & to be gruesomely honest, some hard days I just dream of having a heart attack so my weak self doesn’t have to feel so weak anymore & I can just enjoy heaven already. I feel too weak for this world sometimes. Too frail.

But doesn’t that really speak to the fact that my humility isn’t quite where it ought to be? My confidence is so frail because my humility is not right. I am thinking I need to fix it, but can’t… versus trusting His provision, care, & strength to be sufficient, even in the even if.

Because, if I better recognized where my true strength comes from, I wouldn’t be so sniveling & ready to die. I would be confident because I would know my strength is not determined by my strength, but by HIS.

Of Course I Need Him

It is true. Some circumstances, I have prayed & had the wisdom to see my need to call out to Him & He has helped me & I have sought to share testimony of that publicly whenever possible so that He may receive the glory & so that others may be reminded of their mutual need of Him.

It has not all been woe-is-me awful… but the general sense of me is almost this beating up of myself over & over again for always needing help-–as if reality for all of humanity is not all about needing His help every moment of every day, always.

When Life Hits Me Hard, I Just Want Heaven

Now, before you go worrying about me, I am not thinking about dying every day, all day. But when hard, stressful, or hurtful things slap me out of nowhere, through my secret, hidden tears, all I can think about is, “God, can I please just have a heart attack, die, & go to Heaven to be with You? I don’t want to feel this broken anymore.”

I’m not suicidal. But sometimes I really want to die. So morbid, I know… but it’s the truth. Not all the time, but when life hits me hard, I just want Heaven. That’s “my truth.” (If you were hoping to read my blog this week for a quick pick-me-up, well, I’m really sorry.)

My Prayer

“God, forgive me. My pride really has snuck up on me slowly & taken way too much from me. I actually have had the audacity of believing that because I don’t measure up… because people have been really critical of me… because others made me question whether or not to worship You because I became too afraid of ‘what if I’m doing it wrong’… because life was really hard & didn’t stop being hard… because others were unkind & hurtful to me… because life hit me hard with a brutally hard move & a super typhoon… that because of all that, I really thought I needed to take the reins of my life back, that maybe I wasn’t the “enough” I was supposed to be.…

… It wasn’t a conscious decision… it wasn’t a choice I mulled over & decided on… but I made the choice all the same…. I chose to trust me. What I could see, the hurt I felt, the confusion I felt, the hopelessness I felt. I chose to trust me.…

… Please forgive me, LORD. Please help grow my confidence through humility. Help me to rest in You so much that I have the confidence to face ANYTHING, knowing YOU are the reason for that confidence—not me. In Jesus’ worthy name, AMEN.”

Bye-Bye Humility Leads to Bye-Bye Confidence

Well, there it is. Now I know why I have felt so weak & fragile & broken so often lately.

Because I am… & because I have been trusting in what I thought I should be able to handle… trusting in me instead of Him.

Bye-bye humility leads to bye-bye confidence.

“Lord, I need You, oh, I need You… every hour I need You. You’re my One defense, my Righteousness… Oh LORD, how I need You.” (“Lord, I Need You” song by Matt Maher)

Shine HOPE, by breeding TRUE confidence in your life… confidence bred from a humility in recognizing that anything good or strong in you is from HIM, & because that is so, you can do & get through ANYTHING a VICTOR rather than a victim.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Desert Sage Studs (INDIA)

LIMITED EDITION – While Supplies Last! These dainty Desert Sage Studs from India feature a topaz circle set in a silver setting. Perfect for everyday wear, the adorable studs create lasting change for families in India. Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops.

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Thank You for Your Prayers & Patience

I want to thank you for your patience if you were looking forward to my newest blog post being published as scheduled last week. We were just in the states, had a death in the family unexpectedly while there, & had to reroute to Georgia for her memorial service… so I didn’t have my laptop or anything else I needed to work on my blog, as I had been expecting to be home sooner than I was able to. Again, thank you so much for your patience for the missed week. My husband’s Noni is now celebrating eternity in Heaven with Jesus.

A Bad Habit

I have a bad habit of trying to be a people-pleaser. Whether it be boyfriends of days past, friends, family, my husband even, or anyone else really… I want to be liked.

Wanting to be liked is not wrong… it’s natural even… but when it creates compromise, well, then it does become a problem.

So, I take criticisms a little too harshly sometimes. I want to appease. I want to be likeable. And when, despite all that, it fails… well, I don’t always take it too well.

A Healthy Perspective Shift Took Place

When I went to Liberty University for my bachelor’s in Business Marketing, 2007-2010, something with that shifted. My perspective started turning more to how I could live to please & honor God more than how to have everyone like me.

It really lit a fire in me of new confidence. I was on student leadership, led a weekly Bible study, did accountability with the girls in my group, & every class or conference I attended emphasized the true reason we ought to be there—to do our best with the opportunities we’re given so that we may be used by God & give God the glory. The emphasis was always: for Him, by Him, through Him, because of Jesus Christ.

I was no longer burdened with whether or not everyone approved of every little, tiny thing I did… but on whether my actions, thoughts, & words honored God & gave Him glory. It was truly freeing.

I Over-Compensated for What I Felt Were My Many Flaws as a New Wife

But then, I got married a couple years later & that healthy perspective shift began to slip a little in the wrong direction, at no fault of my husband’s–my inner insecurities just were rekindled because I was afraid I could never be enough for someone to stay.

Growing up, my whole life, I never felt like I could possibly ever be loved forever. I was “fat,” talked “too much,” was “annoying,” etc. I just assumed that even IF my personality could be framed to be likeable enough to get married, that I would somehow prove myself insufficient, annoying, or disgusting enough physically to drive said husband away eventually.

Plus, I had never managed a home before, so I was AWFUL in that department. Cooking & cleaning were NOT my strong suit. Basically, add it all up & I didn’t feel I had much going for me wife-wise.

So, I tried really hard to be the best wife ever, even if it wasn’t genuine… even if it was rooted from fears & insecurities—trying so hard to constantly mask over or over-compensate for all the many reasons I felt there were to eventually leave me.

What If I Wasn’t Worshipping “Right”?

And then, I met a group of people that I was meant to look up to who were constantly criticizing my every opinion, choice, or preference.

… My music choices because they weren’t hymns… my clothes because I wore shorts (to my fingertips)… & many other things I had never even considered could ever be framed as doing something wrong or dishonoring to God…. I began to question everything & became so insecure in thinking I never measured up, wondering & worrying constantly whether all this time I had been dishonoring God.

Worried about liking anything or trying anything or singing to anything or listening to anything unless I expressly knew that specific thing was approved by said people. My worship to God became defined AND limited by paranoia & fear of “what if I did it wrong?”

I became paranoid about every decision, not wanting to worship because I didn’t know if it was the “right kind.” Afraid to be creative with my outfits because maybe something was wrong with it. Afraid to speak up because “what if someone didn’t approve?”

There I Go Offending Someone Again…

Then, I met someone who, when I had spoken up about something in the Bible, because I had strongly felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to do so… told me I had bothered someone else & that it’s best if I don’t speak up, not bothering to give me context or opportunity for clearing up said situation for a chance of reconciliation with that person. Cue further paranoia & fear of living out loud for God because I felt like I never did it perfectly to everyone’s liking & approval.

Now, I don’t just speak out willy nilly. Whenever I feel a nudge, I pray about it first because I don’t like making waves. I don’t like annoying people or feeling like it’s “not my place.” But part of the gifting God has given me is being His mouthpiece for truth, even when truth had been intended already or even when truth isn’t popular.

For someone who likes being liked so much, you can imagine how much joy this gift brings me some days. (*sarcasm)

How I Let My Light be Dimmed

All of a sudden, woven in over the course of 10 years or so, I became too paranoid to worship “wrong” & too afraid to speak truth in a public setting, even when prompted by the Holy Spirit & prayed over. Too afraid to sing my heart out. Too afraid to live for God because I felt like I never did it quite right. Insecure in making friends. Insecure in my marriage. Insecure around other Christians. Insecure in praising God even.

I don’t want to live like that anymore. I want to cultivate a heart of worship in all areas of my life, every day. I want to live a life of raised arms, a bowed heart, & giving my everything to God without wondering if I am doing it all to everyone else’s liking. I want my life to be a reflection of living to please & honor Him…. My eyes focused on Him alone as the One I need to please.

I Want to Feel Free to Live for Him as He Leads Me

I want my FREEDOM back. Not freedom to “live how I want,” but a freedom from people-pleasing Christianity. Freedom from trying to be a man-pleaser rather than focused on being a God-pleaser. Freedom from trying to check all the right human-made boxes & instead, live bowing to His lead.

Freedom from worrying whether or not I “worship right.” If the song, or even just my heart, is lifting Him up while bowing my heart to Him…. Guess what…. It IS worship.

Because, if I live like that… if I live to foremostly please & honor God with my everything… that is the true heart of worship & I will remember that everyone has their opinions, but if I am living to be obedient & honoring & glorifying to God Almighty… differing opinions don’t really matter all too much, do they?

I Want to Live a Life of Worship

I was born to shine for HIM. To love Him first & others second. Not to be liked or approved by ALL people, but to serve & honor Him, even when I am not liked or approved.

He is Whom I wish to live for & Him alone. I want to SHINE for HIM.

Shine HOPE by keeping your eyes fixed on Him, living your every day to please & honor Him, letting everything else just slide off your back, remembering HIS opinion matters MOST. Get to know His Word & get to know Him every single day. He is worth living for 100%.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

May 2024 Hope Mail (VIETNAM & INDIA)

FOR A LIMITED TIME – Only available during the month of May

This exclusive May Hope Mail package makes a great gift for any occasion! Receive free shipping on this May Hope Mail package that includes our Coral Cotton Wrap handmade in Vietnam, Bird Song Pineapple Lip Balm from India, and our adorable Love is a Flower Sticker mailed in a stylish Fashion as a Force for Good envelope.

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Just My Thoughts This Afternoon…

I’m getting on here today not really knowing what I’m going to be talking about. I’m just imagining me as tired as I am, sitting cross-legged on the couch having a conversation with a friend.

I really am a selfish person. Do you ever feel that way?

When the Slightest or Heaviest Hard Hits

When things don’t go my way… when I have a nagging headache or when I don’t get nearly enough sleep (like my less than 3 hours last night), or when someone hurts my feelings or says something unkind or misunderstands me completely & builds their whole perception of me based on said misunderstanding….

When I have no friends, no job, no place, no purpose.

When I am sick or in pain & the sleepless nights & miserably uncomfortable days seem to be never-ending.

When depression knocks my world apart & I spend most days crying in secret.

In any season of hard… I just want to quit. I want to give up & say, “God, why do You not love me anymore?!?!?”

It Doesn’t Always Work That Way

I want things to go my way… to be comfortable… to have a quick solution or fix.

And sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way. Right? I can’t be alone in this.

But God is so gracious… so patient… so gentle… so kind… so loving.

I don’t deserve it.

I feel like I have to learn lessons way more times than seems even remotely reasonable… you know… just to be sure.

I idolize comfort & ease & routine.

For God So Loved [Me]

But thank God that I serve a God (& am saved by Jesus) Who loves me unconditionally. My debt is paid in full. I can never hope to repay it, but I will spend every day trying… not because I falsely believe I HAVE to… but because I know He is deserving of it.

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:16-17)

Sin Means “Missing the Mark”

Who gets to determine where the mark or bullseye or standard of life is in order to go to Heaven? The one who made the world & everything & everyone in it–GOD.

We know His standard because of His Word, the Bible, inspired by God through the writing of men. (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

Even if we do EVERYTHING right & pleasing to God & have only ONE mistake, wrong action, wrong attitude, wrong thought, ANYTHING… guess what… we’ve missed the mark, even if just by a teensy, tiny bit. It’s missed.

“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” (Romans 3:23)

AKA NO ONE can go to heaven on their own merit, because Heaven is perfect & if imperfect people are allowed into Heaven… it will no longer be perfect. We ALL deserve HELL. That’s our rightful place.

BUT JESUS

But… BUT… JESUS. He, GOD, was born as man, lived a perfectly sinless life (AKA hit the mark 100% because He is GOD) & took OUR deserved wrath & punishment on Himself so that we could be cleansed of our missing the mark… so that we could be counted righteous because of HIS righteousness…. IF we trust on Him as our hope in place of ourselves… IF we confess our sins to God & accept the payment made by Jesus, trusting on HIM as our LORD & SAVIOR.

“But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5)

“For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” (2 Corinthians 5:21)

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:16-17)

PRAISE GOD!

Even on Your Not-So-Great Days

He is deserving of my all… even the not-so-great parts.

Praise GOD.

Shine HOPE by turning to Him & pointing to Him & leaning into Him in every high AND low, coming to Him with quick repentance every time you know you don’t measure up to all He deserves from you & by striving to live a life that pleases & honors Him… even on your not-so-great days.

He is worth it ALL.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Bumblebee Studs (EAST ASIA)

These adorable, dainty Bumblebee Studs represent our tiny but mighty pollinator friends. Through your purchase, women in East Asia are leaving brothels, receiving an education, and earning a dignified wage creating beautiful jewelry.

*****Every purchase creates jobs to support sex-trafficking survivors in East Asia with safe housing, health care, trauma counseling, job skills training, and dignified income.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Your Personality Is Not Your Own

Okay now, get ready… because I may be about to ruffle some feathers.

Or maybe you’ll flow right with me on this… we’ll see how it goes.

Your personality is not your own. And I know it really feels like it is because it feels like a defining factor in describing who you are as a person.

Now, I know that when I add—“God’s workmanship,” after saying it’s “not your own” can come off as, it’s not you, it’s how God MADE you…. But no, that’s not at all the direction I am going with this, so let’s talk about it.

He Made You. He Gets to Say “Who You Are.”

If you think about it… have you ever seen someone have a complete personality change? Maybe they became a Christian & they just didn’t act the same anymore afterwards? Maybe they just grew up? Matured?

Our personality, from my observation, is usually built up over time & it can change or shift over time as you mature.

It’s sometimes built on necessity… saving face or trying to not get picked on or look like you stand out too much… or maybe you WANT to stand out. It’s defense mechanisms & how we learn to fit in & find our place in the world around us.

Now, I don’t deny that there are probably certain things you may be more prone to lean towards because of how God wired you… but we need to be careful not to cling to “our personality” so much that we deny God access to change anything about it that may not particularly please or honor Him.

(You can read more about that in a previous post: “What Do Star Signs, Enneagrams, & Mental Disorder Labels Have in Common?”)

Because, when it all comes down to it… HE made you… so HE gets to say what “your personality” is. We can’t use “it’s just the way we are” as an excuse, basically, versus being willing to be changed from the inside out.

Using It as an Excuse Not to Grow

I see this type of excuse when I hear women say, “God says to be meek & mild, but He just didn’t wire me that way,” followed by a shrug.

But, if God says it… then He knows it IS indeed possible… which means that when we say stuff like that, we’re honestly just excusing the OPPOSITE of what God calls us to while also blaming it on Him.

God made you. You are (under all you have grown up used to) the way He made you. Everything else is subject to change.

Don’t limit God based on what you feel are your own limitations. He made you & He can change you. So, let Him.

God’s Workmanship & Shaping to His Likeness

And when you feel up against a dead-end because of “how you are” clashes with how He says you ought to be… well, be willing to say to Him in prayer: “God, this is not at all natural to me, but according to Your Word (the Bible), it’s what honors You most, so I want this to BECOME natural to me. Please change me to better honor & please Your will, LORD. Change the ME I believe to be, to the me YOU created me to be. AMEN.”

Shine HOPE by always staying moldable… allowing Him to shape you into HIS likeness, versus clinging to the “you” with which you feel most comfortable.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Vintage Vines Oven Mitt Set (INDIA)

LIMITED EDITION – While Supplies Last! Add a touch of artisanal inspiration to your kitchen decor with the Vintage Vines Oven Mitt Set! Every detail is block printed, a traditional way to stamp and print ink onto fabric. The set includes one oven mitt and one potholder with a slit, both featuring a beautiful vintage-inspired floral design in light pink, orange, and brown colors.

*****Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in India.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

How Prettied Up Do I Have to be… to Worship?

Well, I’m starting this day off right… with a headache.

I used to think that worship was: me at my best, with a smiling face, wearing nice clothes, in church before the service, singing to the worship songs led by the praise team.

Of course, there was also me singing in my car to worship music as well.

But all of it was usually me at my best, singing (with a smile) to God.

In a Whole Heap of Pain? WORSHIP Him

I still remember a couple years ago, when I was attacked by an animal & had to rush to the hospital… recovering from the trauma of that, feeling newfound fear I had never had to deal with before of whether or not it would happen to me again because the attack was so unexpected.

As I was praying for peace & comfort from the fear & trauma response I was dealing with, God’s answer caught me off guard. He impressed upon my heart to worship & praise Him.

How unusual a solution to all of the inner pain & fear that was knocking around inside of my heart… how insensitive a solution it seemed.

But after many more prayers basically of, “well, obviously THAT can’t be the real solution You are offering… so… what else?” Well… God kept repeating the same solution over my heart. “Worship me. Praise me.”

(Read more on this in “Will I Praise Him in the Storm? Do I Trust God?”)

How Can I Praise Him When They Don’t Mean It?

Then, there was the time, 15 ish years ago, when I was helping at some youth group whatever & the praise team seemed more like a mini rock concert of teens leading & feeling uber spiritual while getting to feel like popular rock stars among their fellow teens.

It felt icky listening because I can sometimes get a sense for how people are feeling & they were just oozing “LOOK AT ME!” while leading WORSHIP to GOD.

I had a hard time singing along. I prayed about it a lot because it really messed with me seeing self-absorbed reactions instead of humble worshippers on stage.

But, in one of the teen services, something smacked me in the face as I prayed during this time once again. “Whether or not THEY are genuine should not impact whether or not YOU are genuine in your worship.”

Ouch.

Worship Anytime Anywhere to Any Song

And again, in conversation with one of my former pastors, a friend of ours, he expressed quite a controversial thought… that ANY music can become worship.

At the mall with no choice over the play list? You can worship God to it in your heart.

How? Well, imagine the song is about LOVE. Who created us to experience such a wonderful feeling? God. Imagine it’s about having a good day. Who is the author of all good things? God.

And you know what? I am going to take it a step FURTHER to be even MORE controversial than he was…. What if they’re singing about something sinful? Gasp… you can thank God for saving you out of such a life. Worship. (Would I intentionally listen to something that promotes things that dishonor God? No. But if I am around as it is playing in a public space, even then, I can choose to worship.)

AND… flipping this idea on its head & making it even MORE controversial… you can sing actual Christian worship songs & actually be devoid of any worship at all. (Read more about that, here: “Does Our Worship Reflect Self-Glory?”)

Worship Is Not Exclusive to Singing to or Listening to Music

You see, worship is not some pre-packaged set of worship songs sung before a church service while being led by a hands-raised praise team. Worship doesn’t even require music at all.

True worship is actually a heart posture.

True worship is a bowing down of SELF & a lifting up of HIM.

It says, “Not I, but Christ.”

It says, “Whatever You will, LORD.”

It says, “Come what may, I will trust You IN the hard.”

It says, “Above all, You are worthy to be praised!”

It takes our focus off of this world… off our desires… off our needs… off ourselves….

And onto Him.

THAT is worship.

Come What May, He Is Worthy to be Praised

It does not mean being fake. Don’t get me wrong on this. It is not a, “I feel terrible, but I have to be ‘Christian-y’ & make God happy & do right responses to get Him to help me or so I don’t look like a ‘bad Christian.’”

No. It is an intentional heart posture that bows down before His figurative throne/feet & says, “Lord, You are God & I am not. You are worthy to be praised despite my circumstances. Help me to trust in You come what may because You deserve it whether I feel like it or not right now.”

What Is Worship?

Loving others for His sake is worship. Serving others for His sake is worship. Bowing your will to the benefit of others for His sake is worship.

Giving for His sake is worship. Generosity for His sake is worship. Sacrifice for His sake is worship.

Doing hard things for His sake is worship. Obedience to Him is worship.

Turning to Him instead of others/other things is worship. Bowing your bad attitude to be humbled & changed for His sake is worship. Bowing your life to be used by Him is worship.

Living your life seeking to please & honor Him is worship.

Coming to Him after failure & sin & trusting on Jesus to be sufficient even then is worship.

Sobbing as you cry out to Him in the worst of pain, trusting Him as your source of comfort & peace is worship.

Worship Is Messy Sometimes

Worship is messy sometimes. Worship says that no matter what we face, He is worthy to be praised.

And you know what? That time, after I was attacked by an animal & God responded to my prayers for help by asking me to worship? When I finally stopped questioning His response & stopped asking for the next option… & I worshipped Him in my clenching, aching heart… I felt the burden begin to lift from my heavy heart.

My heart was being comforted in remembering how greatly He is to be praised despite my circumstances. That He had me. That He was in control. That He would heal. That He would comfort. That He would love me through it.

Worship lifted my focus from my wrenching pain to His wonderful glory.

Worship Doesn’t Always Have to Look Pretty

I mean, have you read the Psalms? They are not all pretty, sunshine, & rainbows. But they are all worship.

Worship is messy sometimes. Sometimes it’s with a heavy heart & a tear-stained face. Sometimes it’s when the hard hasn’t even begun to stop yet. Sometimes it doesn’t make everything get better right away.

But it lifts our focus from the mire & clay & ASH… to His wonderful, loving, powerful, gracious, worthy & deserving face.

My God Is an Awesome God, He Is Worthy to be Praised

My God is an awesome God

He is worthy to be praised.

When my sin demanded payment.

Jesus took my place.

I deserve the pits of Hell,

But Jesus died to save.

When all in life seems to die,

And nothing seems to be okay.

My Jesus died to give me life.

My joy is here to stay… come what may…

My God is an awesome God.

He is worthy to be praised.

AMEN!

Even When I Have a Headache

So, why did I start this blog off by randomly mentioning a headache before moving on with this discussion about messy worship? Because even when I am not at my best, even when I don’t feel so great… I can choose to bring Him glory & to worship Him through even that, by choosing to lift up His name even when I am feeling low.

Shine HOPE by turning your eyes to Him & offering Him worship in every season of life, good or bad, plenty or lack, joy or pain, comfort or suffering. He is worthy to be praised!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Colorwave Earrings (East Asia)

Beautiful swirls of multicolor resin make these Colorwave Earrings mesmerizingly fun and fashionable! The oval shaped resin hangs from a 14K gold plated stainless steel earring hook creating a stunning look, perfectly adding an extra pop of color to your style! These ethically made earrings support women rescued from brothels.

*****Every purchase provides safe housing, health care, trauma counseling, job skills training, and dignified income for sex trafficking survivors in East Asia.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Why?

Do you know why I think Christianity doesn’t seem to “stick” for some people? Why either they start out following Jesus & then turn away… or whether they just don’t want to accept Him at all in the first place?

Because the fleshly nature does not chill out once you become a Christian. In other words, you still want what you want sometimes, even if you know you shouldn’t want it.

Paul talks about this war with the flesh… doing what he doesn’t want & not doing what he wills to do. (Romans 7:15-20)

It’s talked about in 1 Peter: “… abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul….” (1 Peter 2:11b)

And in James… “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.” (James 1:14-15)

And in Luke: “… they go out and [the truth they’ve heard] is choked with cares, riches, and pleasures of life, and brings no fruit to maturity.” (Luke 8:14)

I mean, I have been a Christian for 35 years now & I feel it still. And whenever I think I am finally immune to it… there it is again.

Denial of Self Is HARD Some Days, Isn’t It?

Why do I think Christianity doesn’t seem to “stick” for some people?

Because it requires & calls us to a constant denial of SELF… & we, as humanity, tend to really like SELF.

Whether it’s us doubting God’s Word as valid “enough” or logical “enough” because it makes no sense to us or seems to oppose what we perceive of the way things “actually” work….

Whether it’s going through cruel circumstances that seem to rip you to shreds & leave you so broken that you question how a good God Who claims to love you could do this…. (Read Job.)

Whether it’s facing hard that won’t ever seem to stop & you just want to numb or cling to easy instead of consistently having to turn to God as your help. Feeling consistently insufficient is HARD.

Whether it’s living the day-to-day with the desire to live it YOUR way with no shame or guilt hovering over your head like a dark, annoying cloud.

SELF-denial is HARD sometimes. Can I get an amen? Because I FEEL this sometimes. I have been through seasons of ALL of the above… & more.

Self-denial some days feels to be obviously the best option (because, really, it actually IS), while other days it can feel frustrating & awful.

God Calls the Shots… Not Me

Christianity requires self-denial. We have to come to the end of ourselves, recognize that the ONLY real, true standard is set by the God Almighty Who made it all & Who is outside time & space, that it’s His world, whether it makes us comfortable or not… & as such, He alone gets to set the standard, whether we agree with it or not… & that we can never live up to said standard 100% of the time perfectly because we are sinful people… we choose US even in small ways & often in big ways… that we can’t save ourselves from the wrath of God that we deserve because of this… & finally, an accepting of the free gift of Jesus paying for our sins on the cross & rising again victorious over our sin & death.

A ”Not I, but Christ,” attitude & heart posture.

And yes, the freedom & forgiveness that fills in all of those rotting spaces in our soul is refreshing & freeing & wonderful. It is beyond worth anything we may in turn forsake to glorify Him instead of ourselves.

But afterwards… our fleshly self doesn’t just take a hike for good… it just doesn’t have the final say anymore. It doesn’t automatically win anymore. It doesn’t have full control. … But it still wants it sometimes.

But giving God full control is a very, very good thing… because God’s standard, get this… is ALWAYS for OUR good & HIS glory. Always.

Why Do I Still Wrestle, Then?

So, why do I have to be so annoying? Why do I still wrestle with SELF trying to win when HIS way ALWAYS proves better in the end?

I’m like a little kid who screams, “I DO IT!” sometimes when God tries to direct me His way.

Or sometimes I think on what He calls me to & I think… “but being on the couch in my pjs seems much better… let’s go with that instead.”

Or, I think to myself, “They don’t DESERVE that! Why would I do that for them or why would I forgive THEM?!!?” (See “Unforgiving Servant” story in the Bible in Matthew 18:21-35, as well as all of the book of Jonah.)

Or, I am so cranky from my alarm waking me from that cool dream & that relaxing state of sleep that I just don’t wanna ANYTHING. (Repenting over the grumpies is an unfortunately very real morning routine for me, folks.)

Or, I want to grab a snack, pop on the tv, play a game, or literally anything else to quell my restless, stressful thoughts because it’s instant gratification rather than praying for help & maybe being told to “go for a walk” or something way less instantly gratifying….

The amount of times in a day that I let my flesh win, even in the little choices or attitudes, is really quite embarrassing.

Self-denial is HARD. Why do I still wrestle when I know He ought to win?

I Have to First Say “No” to ME in Order to Experience the Many Blessings of Trusting HIM

Taking up my cross daily & following Him is HARD. Rewarding & worth it & fruitful & satisfying & fulfilling & uplifting? YES. … But HARD because it means I have to FIRST say ‘NO’ to ME. And I don’t always like doing that.

I get it. We want to be gods in our own little personal world. We want to cater to the ME. It’s not always comfortable yielding to Someone else, especially when it doesn’t make any sense to us or it doesn’t seem to be what we’d want.

And the me-first, main character culture of today is NOT helping things, because it reinforces what we already want to be true. But this is His Story. History is His story. Not mine. Not yours. HIS. We are all side characters in HIS story. Supporting roles, if you will. NOT the main character.

And I get it. Stepping out of the spotlight in your life… & letting Him take center stage instead, even when you feel you have such great things to offer… is hard.

But it’s not our stage. It’s HIS.

And that’s hard some days. The fact is… it is hard to yield ourselves, our will, our intellect, our comforts, our way… to Him. To trust HIM to be our sovereign sufficiency & and not anything or anyONE else.

Do We Believe God Is Stronger Than:

… a cup of coffee in the morning

… a good night’s rest

… self-care

… a bad mood

… a lover’s embrace

… our hopes & dreams

… feeling wanted

… companionship

… comfort

… success/accomplishment

… ________________________________________

Or, do you feel like you need Jesus + ____________________________?

Not to say that they’re all bad things… not to say most aren’t helpful… but do you feel like God is strong enough even without them?

Or do you feel like you need God + ___________________________?

What fills in that blank for you, if you are COMPLETELY honest with yourself?

The Things I Chase

For me, it’s numbing things like tv, games, random videos, snacks, etc. when I feel restless, weighed down, stressed, or tired… because it’s easy & quick, even though none of them solve anything… just cover it up for a while until it comes back up again… because I’m too scared sometimes of what God will ask me to try instead that’s not so quick & mindless a solution. (As if God doesn’t know how to help me THROUGH that issue to SOLVE that issue… versus just avoiding it forever.)

For me, it’s still struggling with fantasizing, with loopholes of it never being about real people, because I am too scared to trust God’s way without it. (As if God didn’t CREATE sex for marriage & as if He can’t help me a better way because He knows best.)

For me, it’s being too scared to just randomly go up to a stranger & talk about Jesus when I feel His nudging on my heart. (As if God doesn’t know EVERYONE’S thoughts & as if He can’t see their questions, hurts, & doubts when they lie awake in bed at night & how to answer them through my willingness to be used by Him in that moment.)

For me, it’s wanting to withdraw because of how awkward I feel trying to find my place in a group setting where I don’t know where I fit. (As if God can’t give me courage.)

For me, it’s wanting to wallow when I feel lonely. (As if God can’t hold & love me through it.)

For me, it’s hating hard that won’t quit & wanting to blame God or shut down. (As if God can’t sufficiently BE my strength in those seasons if I keep calling out to Him.)

For me, it’s wanting to hold a grudge when someone is consistently & unapologetically rude or mean to me. (As if Jesus didn’t already pay for that & even pay much more for ME.)

For me, it’s clinging to the comforts He supplies rather than Him when I get too comfortable with those comforts. (As if He doesn’t already know my needs & as if He can’t perfectly supply every time withOUT those comforts I cling to.)

I could go on… really. (I told you it’s embarrassing.) 35 years in & I still face this war in myself some days. I’m forever not perfect. Always “failing forward” as I heard somewhere.

What Is It for You?

What are you tempted to trade God for?

Where does your flesh tend to win?

When does it get hard for you to keep trusting Him & going to Him?

What would make you walk away? What is your breaking point? … Or are you all in, bowing to Him as LORD come what may?

What areas do you tend to feel your flesh nature scream for attention & preference?

Shine HOPE by determining to intentionally bow all of that to Him, relying on Him no matter what & not trading Him in for anything else. Because nothing, & I mean NOTHING satisfies like God can, through Jesus Christ our LORD.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Beehive Trivet Set (INDIA)

This set is perfect to display ethically made home decor to upscale your home design! Create a beautiful display that showcases the craftsmanship of our Artisan Partners in India who handcraft the detailed Bumblebee Trivet and Honeycomb Trivet! The Bumblebee Trivet features a single-line bumblebee shape, and the Honeycomb Trivet features a fun honeycomb design.

*****Every purchase of the Beehive Trivet Set supports families in areas of extreme poverty in India, empowering them to end poverty cycles for their families, send their kids to school, and earn fair wages for their work.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Why Did Jesus Rebuke Them?

I’m working through a Bible study right now on Matthew 5-7 & we’re at the part about fasting. Well, the point of the passage is really not even about the fasting, but about the motive behind the fasting. (Matthew 6:16-18; Isaiah 58:3-12)

You see, the people were prostrating themselves, bowing low, sackcloth & ashes, the whole deal… but Jesus rebuked them for it all. Why? Motive matters.

They hoped they could all live the way they wanted, but as long as they followed all the “right” Christian-y steps, they were all good & God would listen to them when they fasted.

In other words, there was no bowing of their HEARTS to Him… just the physical bowing of their heads.

And Jesus rejected it.

What’s Your Why?

I see that even with how some people celebrate lent. The restaurant advertisements during lent are getting a little ridiculous because lent is supposed to be about denying yourself something you love to draw your heart closer to God & submitting yourself more fully to Him… but has become (for some) a show of giving up one pleasure & just exchanging it for a different pleasure instead during that time period. Doesn’t that kind of defeat the whole point?

And holidays can be the same way, in a sense. Certain holidays, like Easter & Christmas, are meant to be a remembrance of Him & are meant to stand as a reminder to worship & praise Him for all the good He has done. A testimony of His goodness & glory.

Who Is the Figurehead That Represents Christmas?

For example, I’m not opposed to Santa, mainly because he is based on a real human who saw a need & sought to be a blessing to those around Him. But I’m sure if he was looking down from heaven, he would be disturbed by how far it’s gone… making him the figurehead of Christmas instead of Christ.

So, no, I am not opposed or revolted by Santa, but I do think it’s gotten so saturated as the general figurehead of Christmas that he vastly drowns out the real reason we’re reminded to celebrate… the coming of God become man to earth–JESUS–to ultimately give His life as our ransom.

That should be sobering… humbling… invoking of WORSHIP to God Almighty.

What’s the Big Deal about Easter?

And Easter… & the bunny… & the eggs… & pastel… dressing up.

None of those things are wrong at all… but do they reflect the reason we celebrate Easter? Do we follow cute traditions more than we make it about Him? That Jesus bowed His life to us on the cross to pay our debt to God by giving His own life for us & then rising again victorious over death & our sin?

What is our focus? What is our motive? What matters MOST to us if we’re really honest with ourselves?

Do we have all of our Christian-y rituals down? Check. Check. Check?

Or are we really reflecting on having a bowed down heart versus just a bowed down head?

Everything We Say, Think, Feel, Do… Reflects What We Think about Jesus

I get accused sometimes of “trying to make everything spiritual” or that my takeaways “don’t always have to be something spiritual,” but if not, what am I making my life about? ME?

Like it or not, every decision we make… Every word we say…. Every motive matters. Everything reflects what we think about Jesus. Everything is, essentially… spiritual.

Is it just “what can I get out of this?” Or is it, “how ought I surrender more to His control?”

Should I be satisfied with a “good enough” level of surrender? Or should I always strive to aim for more surrender to Him?

Where Is My Heart? … Where Is Yours?

Am I living for me, with a dash of Jesus sprinkled in there for good measure?

Or is my all dedicated to Him as an offering & a sacrifice for His use?

Living for me with God as my backup plan or aide in MY way?

Or living fully for Him?

Bowing low, sackcloth & ashes, denial of self to somehow make a point to God, to somehow manipulate Him into action?

Or bowing my HEART to Him as my LORD God, Lord of my life?

What do I hold back from Him? What parts do I reserve just for me?

Is my sprinkle of Jesus in my life just so I can feel I “did my part” as a Christian?

Or do I live to let Him have ever more of my life?

Who do I trust more with my life? Me? Or Him?

I am Convicted of This Regularly… It’s Too Easy to Live for Me

I am definitely not writing this to say that I have it all figured out nor do I think I always make the best choices.

But I do understand that I ought to do better. Not because it earns me something from God. Not to “get God to listen to me.” Not to be “a better person.”

But because He really actually deserves it. It’s what we’re made for.

Everything in our lives should reflect worship to Him. Because it is what He deserves.

It shouldn’t be about living our routines & our lives & our desires & our dreams… but in bowing all of that to be changed by Him if He so wishes.

He Is More

He has a plan that spans before & past my lifetime. How can I use the time I have in order to point to Him as the One true God, our only HOPE?

He has wisdom & knowledge & understanding I cannot even begin to fathom. How can I bow what I think I know to trusting He DOES know?

How can my life be more than just doing all the right things, to living a life surrendered to His will, His way, His help, His glory? Trusting He will more than care for me along the way?

Why Do You Celebrate? Where Is Your Heart?

What’s the big deal about Easter? Why do you celebrate it? Or why don’t you? What is it about? What do you look forward to? Where is your focus?

What do your plans on this day reflect about what it means to you?

One thing I like to do each year to help me remember what it’s really about… is making quiche. We don’t make it often, but I love the picture as I am making it of the eggs being broken & poured out, just like Jesus offered up Himself to be broken for our transgressions, pouring out a demonstration of His love for us through His death for us… rising again triumphant! That sacrifice nourishes us & gives us LIFE.

“But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5) <–He did that for US, guys!

What Would God Say to You?

What would God say in response to your sacrifices for Him? In response to your works for Him? In response to the way you live your life... if His message in Isaiah 58:3-12 was directed at you?

Is your heart bowed to Him? Or just your head?

Shine HOPE by choosing to not just go through the “Christian-y motions,” but by choosing to submit however you feel about it to be changed by Him to bring Him more glory through the short life you do have… by surrendering all the more as time goes by, letting Him be LORD of your LIFE… ALL of it.

Here’s to forever being fellow works-in-PROGRESS.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

April 2024 Hope Mail (INDIA)

This exclusive April Hope Mail package makes a great gift for any occasion! Receive free shipping on this April Hope Mail package that includes our Misty Teal Earrings handmade in India, Silver Duet Bracelet from India, and our adorable Umbrella Sticker mailed in a stylish Fashion as a Force for Good envelope.

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Grace, by Definition, Is Undeserved.

When you see the title including this little Christian-y sounding phrase of “a grace-filled life,” I don’t want you to misunderstand me. I don’t say it to sound flowery & extra spiritual, as if my life is so wonderful that I describe it as a grace-filled life.

No, when I use that phrase, it is with a very real understanding that it displays how undeserving I am of all that God has done in my life. All He promises me. All He paid for me.

I want every chapter in the story of my life–every high, every low, every failure, every victory, every weakness, & every strength–to be a testimony that points to Him as my hope in every season, all along the way, so that you too can learn to look to Him in every chapter of your own life story… to shine HOPE (in Him) like you were always meant to.

You were made for this… to give God GLORY… even in the small things.

“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31)

God Has Always Been

By now, you can probably see that this compilation of testimony that is my life is not one marked by faith & faithfulness on my part, as if pointing to my life as praiseworthy… but by the grace that God has extended to me through all of my failings & shortcomings, because of Who HE is.

He has stood by my side & lifted me out of my mire & grown me through it all… all the highs & the many lows (often self-inflicted).

Growing up a Christian, since I was merely 5 years old, has given me a unique perspective that not many adults-become-Christians get to see. Even as a child, when I had very little to contribute & very little understanding or knowledge, when very little credit could be given to me… God still was. He still worked in my life all the way through it, even in the seasons where I wondered if I would be better off serving myself rather than God… even in my seasons of deep doubts… even when I was rebellious & turned from Him… even in seasons where I wanted to die.

He was faithful every step… even at my worst.

I am No Better Than Anyone

I have been “doubting Thomas.” (John 20:25) I have been “over-eager Peter” who then failed horribly. (Luke 22:33; Luke 22:54-62) I have wrestled with my flesh like Paul. (Romans 7:15-20) I have cowered in fear of God’s call like Gideon. (Judges 6:11-16) I have failed beyond measure like David (2 Samuel 11-12). I have trusted my own solutions like Abraham & Sarah. (Genesis 16:1-2) I have doubted I was capable of God’s calling like Moses. (Exodus 4:10) I have run away like Jonah. (Jonah 1:3) I have promised obedience & faithfulness forever only to get lulled back to living for myself like the Israelites. (Half of the Bible seems to reference this.) I have lived like the prodigal son, only to realize I needed to come home & beg for scraps from God only to see Him welcome me with open arms. (Luke 15:11-32) I have questioned God like Job in hard seasons. (Job 38) I have chosen to want to be the one to know & decide for myself, lured by what looks so good… like Eve. (Genesis 3:6)

And like all of these testimonies we read about in God’s Word, the Bible, the common thread is NOT how praiseworthy these men & women were… but how awesome, powerful, forgiving, loving, sovereign, & how gracious GOD IS.

It’s Strange to be Back

Coming to this final chapter (to be continued, I’m sure), it seems fitting that my husband & I are back on Guam.

If you read one of my first few chapters, about when we moved here the first time, back in 2012 (read about that, here), you know that my time here was one of the most difficult & lonely seasons of my life. Other side of the world, limited “international calling hours window,” husband who worked more often than didn’t, hard time connecting with others, couldn’t find a job, couldn’t get involved, had no car to start with, typhoons, etc.

It felt like life whiplash moving here from where I grew up, near all of my family & friends, after having just graduated late from Liberty University with a Bachelor’s in Business Marketing & having been very active in student leadership/ministry.

Then… Guam.

Our 7 Years in Japan

Then we moved to Hokkaido, Japan, where the isolation was even more intense because of the language barrier.

And I didn’t handle it well with all of my prayers for, “PLEASE, just make the hard STOP!!!!” And it didn’t.

But God didn’t waste any of that, as you have seen. He turned it all for my good, as He always does & promises to do. All for my good & for His glory.

Then, Misawa, Japan, where I began to heal, make meaningful connections & friendships, community, getting involved again at church, etc.

The Day I Got the News…

And then… Guam again.

I still remember my hubs calling me excitedly to tell me all about this opportunity.

Now, keep in mind that every conversation we had ever had in recent years about potential change was us moving to Florida in a couple years from then & settling there stateside.

So, naturally… I thought he was talking so excitedly about & leading up to us moving to FLORIDA sooner than expected. Joyous anticipation was beginning to bubble up in me as he gushed about this job he was so eager to tell me about… FLORIDA!

But no… he finishes his “how it came about” story & topped it off with: “& guess… where… it… is…..!!!!” (pause for dramatic effect) “GUAM!”

I think my heart crashed to the floor quicker than it ever has in that moment. My eyes blanked out as I stared forward like the wind had just been knocked out of me…. Like I had just been sucker-punched in the gut.

Guam…?

GUAM….

NOT Guam…. PLEASE not Guam….

But yes… it was Guam.

Heh. Finally healing. Finally feeling a sense of community & friendship & involvement at church… & then BACK to GUAM?!? I did not have fond memories of my time on Guam.

Then a Tremendously Difficult Move to Add on Top of My Already Unwilling Participation in Said Move

The next year was one I don’t ever desire to repeat. God swung open doors I wanted to lean my back into with my full body weight to keep them from opening. He was like THROWING pieces together to make this happen.

Satan kept knocking the floor out from under us the whole way with sure things being cancelled last minute & misfiled & all the things that made us think it was all going to fall apart… but then, God was like miraculously making it happen anyway, every single time.

As if Satan was throwing up unsurmountable-seeming obstacles at every turn & God was just SMACKING THEM DOWN as if those obstacles were NOTHING.

God clearly wanted us on Guam. So clearly. (I didn’t want to be there… but God was making it happen anyway.)

I Knew He OUGHT to Win… But I Didn’t Want Him To

And I absolutely hated it. I became basically an adult version of a kid having a complete temper tantrum in my heart. Crossed arms, furrowed brows, angry pout, huffs… all of it. I did not want to go back there (here).

Surrender on this one was especially hard for me. I knew God OUGHT to win… because He always knows what He is doing better than me… I just didn’t WANT Him to win.

And to make things worse, as I mentioned… the move was hard every step of the way. Nothing was straight-forward. Nothing was simple. Nothing worked the way it was meticulously planned ahead of time to work.

And getting here didn’t get ANY better… for so many reasons.

That was a year for the BOOKS. And then there were some who were completely NON-gracious about it the whole way through, adding emotional hurt to top all of it off. I mean, why not, right? What’s one more thing to cry about? That’s how it felt some days.

Looking Back

But now, we’ve gotten to this point in my life, & we can look back at all of the different seasons of serious HARD I have been through… even in handling a lot of them quite terribly… & we can see this common thread shine through:

God is able. God knows what He is doing. God is in control. God never wastes hard. God is faithful. God is enough. God can where I can’t. God is a gracious God.

I can trust Him. Everything He does… EVERYTHING… ALWAYS works out for MY good… & HIS glory. ALWAYS.

Even. When. I. Prove. I. Don’t. Deserve. It. Even when I prove it over & over & over & over & over again!

God redeems. God is gracious.

And this isn’t just a “when I get to heaven” thing. I can trust Him with my life even right now.

It doesn’t mean life is going to be all rainbows & sunshine. It won’t. But God never wastes our struggles. He works them for our good & His glory every time… if our hope is placed in HIM.

A Lot Has Happened in 2 Years… How Has It Been 2 Years?

This summer will be 2 years back on Guam now… hard to believe it’s been this long already… seriously feels like it’s been less than a year… & yet it also feels like an eternity. I guess a crazy difficult move that lasted for several months, a house that needed a lot of different work done when we moved in, some traveling, plus a devastating super typhoon last summer made time seem to go by quickly.

But here we are… 2 years back on Guam in just a few months.

I won’t lie to you…. There are still some scars that hurt a little when poked. Some trauma probably from last time leaving me distrusting & unsure of myself here.

But God has also used this place to heal many of the things that were hurt last time we lived here. He has shown me how He is able to spiritually mature & grow a whole church/church body versus just only individuals. He has allowed me to experience & learn to enjoy the blessings of a place I once felt mainly only memories of pain.

I Still Have a Very Long Way to Go

I wasn’t quite 30 last time we moved here & now, as of this past November, I am 40. It’s a different perspective with these last 10 years of growth behind me now.

I still have some healing to do… still have some areas that I need to surrender to God for healing versus holding back by trusting the lies & hurts of my trauma. But God wanted me here for a reason… & I trust Him with that come what may.

Shine HOPE by trusting that God is gracious. My grace-filled life is because of His grace… not because of my deserving… but I will strive to let every chapter of my story point back to Him as my faithful, true, & lasting HOPE through it all.

All glory & honor & praise to God, forever & ever, AMEN!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Avina Tote (INDIA)

This stunning patchwork-inspired, quilted tote bag is handcrafted by women rising above the grip of poverty in India. Each Aviva Tote features three various floral patterns in different shades of blue, pink, yellow, and green beautifully sewn together. Keep your essentials organized and secure inside this tote’s roomy interior that features a zipper pocket, slip pockets, and magnetic closure.

*****Every purchase of this tote helps support women with fair jobs, help educate girls, and families leaving slums in India.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Doesn’t Make Any Sense Logically… & Yet

It’s funny that this is my topic this week because last night I couldn’t manage to sleep at all. I ended up falling asleep around 8:30am & getting up around 12:30pm. I wanted to sleep so much longer, but was afraid it would mess with my sleep tonight, so I decided I would just get up.

Last year, there was something I learned about God that makes zero sense to me… through a time period of consistent sleeplessness. Really, it isn’t logical, seems “overly spiritual” & just something you say to SOUND super spiritual… but I have actually, surprisingly found it to be 100% accurate, as make believe as it sounds.

This concept I’m talking about is that of considering God AS my strength. Not just that you might feel a little boost of strength when you pray for strength, but that even when you have absolutely no strength, He can be your strength for you.

I learned this truth pretty clearly last year, although definitely against my will.

2 Months of Torture

You see, I went through 2 months of sleeplessness. Maybe a night or two a week, I would sleep a whole 5-7 hours, another couple of nights, maybe 2-4 hours… but the other 2-3 nights I would get about 0-2 hours.

As you can imagine, I was WEAK. Physically, mentally, emotionally… WEAK. And I cried a lot. A LOT.

It felt like torture. Legitimate, actual torture.

I called it “the princess & the pea syndrome” because it would seem that even the littlest crease in my sheet beneath me would make me acutely aware of it where I absolutely could not ignore it… like my senses were always on high alert every single night.

And this wasn’t anxiety-induced. I wasn’t tossing & turning analyzing every aspect of my day or every word out of my mouth.

And it wasn’t restlessness either… no pent-up energy keeping me from settling down to rest.

No. I would be clear-minded, body limp with tiredness… & yet any little thing would jolt my alertness up several notches & the cycle of drifting off to jolting awake & back again would happen over & over & over & over & over & over again.

Talk about MADDENING.

I Didn’t Always Handle It So Well…

Now, I would like to sound super spiritual & say something like, “you know what, when I realized I wasn’t going to sleep each night, after 1 whole week of it… 2 weeks of it… 4 weeks… 6 weeks… EIGHT WEEKS OF IT… well, each time I just closed my eyes & thanked Jesus for some extra time to spend with Him in prayer & then I went & got my Bible & spent each night praising Jesus!

But that didn’t happen.

Some nights I did spend some time talking to God about it & about life & about other people in my life… turning to Him in it.

Most nights I just tried everything in the world I could think of to keep myself from legitimately going clinically insane as a result—snacks, tv, phone videos, games, ANYTHING to make myself not want to pick up each individual shoe in my closet & chuck them all against the wall one-by-one.

And there were ALSO nights where I would roll to be face first into my pillow so I could silent scream some of my frustration into it or get up to sit at the dining room table, bury my face in my hands, & just SOB for a good hour or more.

And some nights I just resigned to it, like, “Okay, we’re doing this again? Okay. Sure. Here we go again, I guess.”

It was awful. Quite literally awful.

Consistent Physical Discomfort… BLEH

I hate discomfort & let me tell you that being super tired & yet any little thing being enough to keep you from treasured sleep as it keeps jolting you awake… yeah, it was quite literally awful.

Headaches. Grogginess. Low energy. Low ability to focus. Sometimes even nausea because lack of sleep does that to me.

Some mornings I was “just” a complete zombie & other mornings it seemed I had a permanent scowl burned onto my face like you should probably clear a path & stay out my way unless you wanted to start a fight. It wasn’t pretty.

But as God tends to do… promises to do… he used this awfulness for my good.

I’m a Slow Learner… I Want Comfort

Sometimes I wish I could just learn lessons a teensy tiny bit faster. Anyone else? Like, let’s speed this lesson up because BOY is it not fun.

I feel like Paul handled his “thorn in his side” thing way better than me… or maybe he felt just as miserable, just with recognizing the value that comes from it, because he DID use the word “DISTRESS” & I have personally never heard of an enjoyable, non-painful/uncomfortable type of DISTRESS. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

But his perspective stayed true in understanding that God always had a plan & would use it for both his good & God’s glory… ALWAYS. (Genesis 50:20; Romans 8:28)

And so God did with me in my sleeplessness.

I learned several clear lessons:

1. Quick repentance is necessary & freeing in our very human weakness reality.
2. God very much can BE my strength when I have NONE.
3. My excuses that kept me back were all unnecessary because God can help me.

The Freedom Clean Slate of Quick Repentance

Having a “Jesus paid for that too” type of mindset is such a valuable thing… trusting that Jesus’ sacrifice was sufficient for all of it, come what may. What a freeing thing that is!

Quick repentance is something I talk about a lot, but it is basically the idea that any time something crosses your mind that dishonors God, whether it be temptation to be bitter at someone, have ill will toward someone, just wanting to quit, or whatever else… realizing that my humanness is trumping what God is capable of… in other words, I am leaning on my limitations so much that I refuse to submit to the fact that God has none… that no matter what it is, I need to ask for forgiveness for that from God & ask Him to help me change it moving forward.

How I Often Respond Versus How God Responds… & Repenting of the Difference

Bitter? Is that how God responded to my sin & His need to pay my debt through Jesus on the cross? I don’t think so. Love compelled Him, not bitterness. (John 3:16-17)

Ill will? Nope, God, through Jesus, sacrificed willingly versus retaliating. (Isaiah 53)

Just wanting to quit? Why? Because I can’t handle it? Or I don’t want to? Then I am discounting what God is capable of & my real complaint is my lack of self-sufficiency & not wanting to have to rely on my need for Him over myself.

Quick repentance takes those situations & thoughts & “takes every thought captive” by turning it right away to an apology to God because He knows our every thought… asking Him to change us from the inside out. (2 Corinthians 10:5; Psalm 139:23-24)

Sample Prayers of Quick Repentance

“I’m sorry I am so tempted to feel bitter. Please forgive my bad attitude & help me have a better attitude about this… one that better pleases & honors You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

“I’m sorry I am feeling this angry toward that person for such & such. You made them, love them, & died for them, too. Please forgive me for my bad attitude toward them & help me to let You love them through my life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

“I’m sorry I want to quit. I am frustrated at how difficult this is & I am wanting to be able to do it but can’t. Help me instead to trust You to be enough for me in it. Help grow me in that reliance on You instead of myself. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

These are obviously just a very few examples of the many scenarios that can arise, but you get the point: surrendering every thought that doesn’t please or honor God to Him & asking for His forgiveness & His help moving forward & changing perspective &/or patterns.

I Needed Quick Repentance EVERY MORNING

This became my every morning because in my sleeplessness, the morning grumpies were almost always a big problem for me. (I laugh a little as I write “big problem” because this sentence really makes them seem far more pleasant than they were in reality.)

Groggy, frustrated, tired, headache, AND needing to get ready for work. No, ma’am, my attitude some mornings was pretty not great.

And quick repentance became my morning ritual.

“Yeah. It’s me AGAIN. I’m so tired. I feel incredibly icky physically. My brain is a foggy mush. I just want to throw stuff at the wall, throw a fit, quit my job & all my responsibilities & live in my bed for the desperate off chance that MAYBE, JUST MAYBE I CAN SLEEP. I DON’T want to be doing anything right now. All of this sucks. I hate it SOO MUCH. But I know that my main frustration here is rooted in me wanting control back… me wanting to feel SELF-capable again… me idolizing comfort rather than wanting to depend on YOU for that. So please forgive me. Please change me heart because I just can’t. I want it so badly I could just scream… or cry… or both. Please help me depend on YOU. To remember YOU are what I NEED. Please help me trust You to BE my strength FOR ME. I’ve got nothin’. I NEED YOU. Please help me. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

This was basically my EVERY morning for 2 months. Same grumpies. Same frustrations. Same physical weakness. Same craving to be self-sufficient again. Same asking for forgiveness & a changed heart & attitude.

It was an everyday thing that He was faithful in every day.

God Is My Strength

He WAS my strength. God is my strength. EVERY DAY. Without fail.

I had to feel wretched & humble myself every stinking day. But He was faithful to provide every single day right along with it.

Some days were like when you miss one night of sleep & adrenaline just kicks in & you still have a great, productive day. But others were me feeling so weak without a break from it through the whole day, begging God to help me in every single step of it… & it was like He would highlight ONE SINGULAR TASK in my mind to do just that one thing. So I would chip away at it mindlessly until it was done & He would highlight the next step for me until the day was done.

And I got to see Him BE my strength when I had NONE.

The Big WOW Moment

I’ve always had a strange relationship with sleep. Some seasons are easy breezy. Others leave me desperate to fall asleep but failing. I never know when it will switch… when it will be good… or awful. And as a result, I have ALWAYS set my alarm to the last possible second.

Have I wanted to have a quiet time with God to start my each & every day with a focus on Him & surrendered heart to Him & His will for my day? Sure. But HOW?!

And then, it all became so clear to me.

If, when sleep would just refuse come despite every strained effort of mine… God was my sufficiency in my complete & utter lacking….

How much more so if I CHOSE to give up some extra sleep in order to spend time with Him to honor His value in my life? That excuse of squeezing out every minute of sleep kept me back for SO LONG. And now I was set free from that fear holding me back again!

How Often Do I Underestimate the God Who Made Me?

God was able where I was not. God would supply where I could not.

And if something honors & pleases Him… knowing He is infinite… I can trust 100% that I can count on His help in that sacrifice for His glory.

Quick repentance… clean slate… He is my strength… even when I have zero… He will help me honor Him… even when it feels impossible.

God is good all the time. All the time, God is good. EVEN IN THE HARD.

Shine HOPE by looking to Him as your strength, by being a quick repenter, & by trusting Him to help you honor, please, glorify, & obey Him even when you feel you just absolutely cannot, knowing HE CAN.

Coming Next Week

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As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over 5.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

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Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Patina Earrings, Patina Clay Bracelet, Golden Orphan Prevention Necklace (HAITI & INDIA)

*****All of these pieces are handcrafted in Haiti & India, & every piece that you purchase empowers these women artisans out of extreme poverty, helping with orphan prevention in these areas!*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

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Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!