My Childlike Faith Slipped Away… & I Went with It

So, my family watched Left Behind & my world was SHOOK. (Read about how that started in Chapter 2.)

All of a sudden, I didn’t want to run from my questions anymore. I NEEDED answers.

I looked up Bible verses. I asked questions of my Christian friends. I asked my parents & church leaders. I became obsessed with wanting to know FOR SURE that I had the right answer… the true hope… in Jesus… that I wasn’t believing amiss.

I remember being SO jealous of people at church that just seemed to BELIEVE what they heard without questioning everything.

That childlike faith was no longer in me. I wanted to know.

Looking Deeper

Now that I am older, I can see some things at play here.

1. Questions are not sinful. God is SO far above & beyond us, that it makes sense for us to not understand… & for us to want to—this is a reason why God gave us His Word, the Bible!
2. Satan likes to take these questions & make you tempted to doubt God altogether… either to render you fruitless in your faith, to make you miserable, or to make you turn away from God altogether. Be careful!
3. We need to make sure that our questions don’t get mingled in with a subtle built-in “excuse” to sin. AKA, “well, if God ISN’T real, maybe that’s okay because then I don’t have to feel bad about wanting to do something God calls sin.” BE CAREFUL HERE!

I was ALL 3 at different points.

It Started with Legitimate Questions–I Wanted to Know What (Who) I Could Put My Full Faith In

I had legitimate questions being a limited human being serving a limitless God. His grace is beyond reasonable because it’s completely underserved. He made EVERYTHING. Plus, the world around us claims so many lies that they believe 100% that it seems the current is constantly flowing AGAINST you.

But Satan also used the questions to make me doubt God & start trying to find “backups” “in case God didn’t come through for me.” I mean, sometimes I would pray for something—like the end of a struggle—& the hard would just remain… sooo….

I Wanted to See for Myself

And so then, number 3… I started using my doubts as an excuse. I didn’t WANT to keep acting in that willpower I talked about last week. It was tiring trying to be a perfect Christian all the time (in my own strength), seeing other Christians seem to care far less about pleasing God… wishing I could care less, too… wishing I could do things God called (or hinted as) sin without feeling so bad about even the thought of it.

I started thinking up “loopholes” to God’s Word (I put loopholes in quotes here because, really, God isn’t fooled.)

My very real questions became my “excuse” to bend the rules… to look elsewhere for happiness… “just in case.”

But boy was I setting the stage for my own ruin. I was heading toward destruction. Part of me knew it & part of me didn’t care anymore. I wanted to see for myself.

Heading Out into Choppy Waters

And so the journey became more & more choppy. I had so MANY questions & no matter how many people I asked for answers, I always came back to the same conclusion: “to err is human.” And that being true, how could I trust any answer given to me by any living human being or any human in history?

How could I trust a Bible I wasn’t around to see completed? What if it was all made up? What if it really was just a bunch of men coming together? What if it was faked?

How could I trust physical evidences of God, the Bible, biblical history, etc., if evidences were faked all the time about other things?

How could I prove God if I couldn’t see Him, hear Him, feel Him, etc.?

Okay, so I trusted Jesus to save me, somehow even in all of that turmoil… but what if there were other ways to God? What if I was wrong?

I grew up a Christian, in a Christian home. What if I was just brainwashed by my upbringing. Not lied to, but believing only because I was told it was what I ought to believe?

What if God just made me & saved me & just doesn’t care about me much beyond that? What if He doesn’t even know what’s going on on earth or just doesn’t care?

The questions swirled & raged & tormented me. Nothing in life felt certain anymore. Nothing made sense. Nothing was sure. I didn’t know what to believe. I was scared.

Then my depression began to spiral. And everything got a whole lot worse.

I Thought God Wasn’t Listening… But He Had a Plan All Along

I no longer had a firm, steady, sure foundation, so when the depression symptoms began to creep in & the consequences of that started to show themselves & Satan started to exploit all of that… I didn’t have anything to hold on to. (Read more about how to recognize the different parts of depression so you can fight back, here: “Understanding Depression with Discernment.”)

I prayed for freedom from it. It didn’t come.

I prayed for an escape from it. It didn’t come.

The lack of response reinforced all of my doubts & all of my fears. I felt like God could care less about me.

I cried all the time, begging Him to help me… & yet the inescapable, gut-wrenching pain inside of me raged on—there was no escape… no relief… no freedom.

I Went My Own Way… Big Mistake

I was a prisoner in my own mind. No help came. No hope was in sight.

So, my desperate hunger for happiness just consumed me. I no longer believed I could trust God could provide that for me… or would provide it if He could.

But the problem was that everything I turned to for happiness seemed to get ripped out from under me time & time again.

Desperation mounted. I begged God still. Pain continued still. So I chased after anything I thought could help me instead. And all of it failed me or proved insufficient.

Hiding Behind a Smile

I stopped asking for help because seeing someone judge me, not take me seriously, or just be plain clueless on how to help after I had mustered up every bit of courage to ask for help just left me feeling 10x more helpless. The despair would just engulf me completely because I felt it was proof that there was no way out.

I learned how to hide my pain behind a convincing smile, jokes, laughter… an air of “I don’t care because I’m just fine,” while inside I was giving up & losing hope.

“In high school, I learned to come home, greet my family, say something like, “I’m gonna go work on some homework!” with a pep in my step & a confident smile, walk calmly to my room, open & close it in complete silence, turn the lock, drop the smile, numbly walk to my bed, grab a pillow & a blanket, open my closet door, step in & close the door behind me as I slumped to the floor in the corner, hold the pillow up to my face & just sob (& scream) uncontrollably into my pillow until I had no more strength left to cry. Then I would slump against the corner wall against my pillow & just stare into the darkness for an hour or so, whimpering, begging God to make the pain go away. And when it didn’t, I started to think of ways I could kill myself with the least amount of emotional damage to my family.

For 2 years in high school, this is what a majority of my days looked like… & nobody knew.

Where Was God?

It was an internal gut-wrenching ache in me that was so completely overwhelming & all-consuming sometimes. No explanation either. Sometimes nothing even needed to trigger it. It made no sense—so when people asked me why I was sad, I had no clue how to even answer them because I just didn’t know… & that was frustrating beyond comprehension. It was maddening.

I couldn’t understand why God wouldn’t let it stop.

I begged Him every single day.

He didn’t make it stop.

I doubted Him even more. Maybe He couldn’t help me. Maybe He just wouldn’t help me. Maybe He wasn’t enough. Maybe He didn’t care.

My hope was slipping away from me.

I wanted answers to my questions. I wanted to know 100% but every time God would give me a glimpse of relief or a happy day off from the pain, I would KNOW it was Him… a direct response to a prayer I had prayed… but then the doubts would win & I would accredit that relief to something else & move on.

All of My Support Slipped Away

All of my emotional crutches kept breaking.

My grades were trash… A’s & B’s turned into D’s & F’s, with occasional C’s.

Teachers that once praised me as the “good student” now saw me as someone who had given up & who didn’t care… so their faith in me evaporated & their praise & my good reputation went with it.

Many of my friends (not all!) were really no friends at all. I even got invited to a party with friends once, only to be uninvited because they had a limit & a boy someone liked had agreed to go… so I was dropped. Or the time a group of “friends” openly laughed at me, only to have someone speak up with a, “that’s not very nice” to their response of, “it’s just Michelle, who cares?” Quality friendship right there, huh?

I could do no right. I was a failure. I was broken. I was a burden. I was a joke. My pain was annoying. “Why can’t I just be happier?” I was frustrating. I was bleeding emotionally & no one noticed. No one knew how to help me. Some gave up trying. Others thought I was just dramatic. I felt alone.

So, I hid my pain away, pretending to be okay, crying alone in my closet most days when I got home as I described earlier.

The Night When Suicide No Longer Scared Me

And then came the night in my sophomore year of high school when I no longer cared to fight. I no longer saw any sign of hope. I had exhausted all of my failed attempts at happiness. My emotional crutches in life had all proved completely insufficient. I had nothing left. No safe space person in my life remained. I was alone. I had nothing to live for anymore. “Everyone’s life would be easier & less complicated if I just wasn’t in it anymore.” I was the problem & there was no other solution left.

Either God was enough or my life needed to end.

That was my final conclusion. There were no other options left. I was no longer scared of suicide.

Either God was enough or my life needed to end.

Either God Was Enough or My Life Needed to End

The weight of that reality weighed down on me so heavily that I could no longer hold up the weight of my own body.

I slumped off of my bed, slid to the floor, & lay face first flat on the ground with my arms at my side & I just wept into the carpet alone, while the rest of my world went on around me totally unaware.

And I cried out one more prayer to God & it was something like this:

“God, nothing works. I have tried everything. Everything that makes me happy, I have poured myself into only to see it’s never enough. Everything I relied on & cared about in my life has just slipped away from me. I don’t have anything left. I’m alone. I have nothing. I am nothing. I don’t have strength to fight anymore. I don’t care. I don’t want to try anymore. I just can’t do it anymore. I have nothing left. I can’t do this anymore. If You’re not the answer, there is no answer. If You’re not the hope, there is no hope. There is nothing. NOTHING works. NOTHING is sufficient. EVERYTHING has failed me. I have NOTHING. I need You. I need You so bad. I can’t do this anymore. Please help me. Please show me that You are here, with me, right now—NOT off in heaven ignoring me or laughing at me as I struggle… but HERE WITH ME. SHOW me that You CARE about me, that You LOVE me. Show me that I can trust You. I NEED to KNOW I can trust You once & for all. I NEED You because there is nothing else. I need You. If You are not able to sufficiently show me Yourself that I can indeed trust You completely & that You’re here & that You care about me… just KILL ME already, because I have nothing left. I no longer care about the consequences of my death because the pain is drowning me & I have nothing left in me to fight it anymore. Show me You are real, that You are right here with me, & that You care about me… or let me die. AMEN.”

Not the Words I Prayed, But the One to Whom I Prayed

There’s nothing magical about that prayer. If you are struggling, then memorizing or quoting that prayer will do you absolutely no good.

No—what it came down to was me recognizing once & for all that there is only ONE God. Only ONE hope. No other. No other emotional crutches, no substitutes, no supplemental supports I needed were going to give me hope.

ONLY GOD ALMIGHTY. ONLY JESUS.

ONLY.

Nothing else.

And when I recognized that & came to Him with nothing else as my backup & I prayed from that heart recognition….

Something that none of my efforts ever could accomplish happened in a single instant.

God Had a Perfect Plan

Chills spread across my body. The ache lifted out of me like it was being super-vacuumed out of me. The weight just dissipated instantaneously.

I felt free.

I felt light.

I felt HOPE.

Sobs of relief flooded through me & I felt like I could BREATHE for the first time in 2 years.

And in that moment, as I brought myself up to sitting cross-legged on my carpeted bedroom floor, I felt as if a warm embrace physically wrapped around my entire being & I felt a flooding sensation of LOVE & SAFE just fill in every dark crevice of my soul.

The relief I felt in that moment was indescribable & overwhelming. I cried… but this time, it was from a relief & joy that flooded me.

And all of a sudden, I knew that those 2 years were an undeniable demonstration of His gracious, loving MERCY… of His indescribably GOODNESS. Because now I KNEW He is Who He says He is once & for all.

God Knew Exactly What I Needed

My doubts had taken over my life & left me rocky & unstable & unsure & all of a sudden, all of that just was swept completely away by an absolute assurance that God is GOD & that when I have absolutely NOTHING… if I have Him, I have EVERYTHING.

He. Is. My. ENOUGH.

God knew I would tirelessly credit everything & everyone but Him… that I would always put something else in the credits of my hope & joy. God knew He needed to strip away everything else I relied on as my security & hope for me to see that HE IS my Hope.

I know I still get pulled away by comforts & other things I try to support me. I still fail & mess up.

But now, deep down, I have an assurance like none other… that all I really need is Him.

He Is Worthy!

Why do I do what I do? Because I want YOU to have that SAME ASSURANCE flowing through EVERYTHING in your life.

That He is WORTH IT. That He is DESERVING. That He LOVES YOU INDESCRIBABLY so.

Living for Him is an honor. Living for Him requires sacrifice, but only for that which is far greater.

Growing up a Christian—A Grace-Filled Life

Why is this series called “Growing up a Christian—A Grace-Filled Life”? Because grace implies an undeserving, & wow is that an accurate depiction of my life.

How often how ungrateful I am. How often I chase other things for comfort. How often I want to wallow versus pray. How often I want to live for me versus give my all for Him.

I will forever be a work in progress. It will always be a grace-filled life because I will never deserve it.

But THANK GOD He will never give up on me & that He will never stop loving me….

The same goes for you, too.

So, shine HOPE by taking doubts to Him… by learning from my experiences & coming to that conclusion that HE IS WHERE YOUR TRUE HOPE COMES FROM & that even if you lost it all… if you have Him, you have it all. SHINE THAT HOPE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Forest Critters Ornament Set (NEPAL)

HOLIDAY EDITION – While supplies last! This adorable, festive Forest Critter Ornament Set from Nepal will add some adorable charm to your holiday decor! Each ornament set features four friendly forest critters made entirely out of 100% wool—a little fox, white bunny, gray squirrel, and an adorable hedgehog. Each Forest Critter Ornament Set is handcrafted using traditional wool crafting techniques that have been passed down for generations.

*****Your purchase provides a woman in an area of extreme poverty in Nepal with a safe job and fair wage.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Growing Up a Christian

I really don’t remember too many specific things from my childhood, following the biggest thing that has ever happened to me that one day, back when I was 5. (You can read about that, here: “Growing Up a Christian–A Grace-Filled Life, Chapter 1”)

I remember some people in my life at the time. I remember memorizing Bible verses for treats at church. I remember meeting at the Boys & Girls Club because we didn’t have a church building. I remember some of my friends.

But I also remember loving my children’s Bible. I loved the pictures, which helped me visualize the stories of past events as told in the Bible. I loved learning about God, even at a young age.

I Was No Angel Child

Now, this doesn’t mean I instantly became an angel child. Our sin/flesh/human nature is still very much in us after we accept God’s free gift of Jesus paying for our sin against God.

I still made mistakes. I still made wrong choices. (Still do sometimes.)

But God was working in me, even as a little kid. I had an insight few seemed to be aware of in themselves. I was acutely aware of sin & others’ excuses for their thoughts &/or behavior–& that sense annoyed people sometimes. It honestly annoyed me sometimes, too.

I began to struggle as a child because the human, fleshly side of me wanted to serve me… but the new spirit in me, born of a new life in Jesus Christ, wanted to obey God.

I Tried to Be a Good Christian… Without God’s Help

Back then, I really didn’t understand the fact that God was my missing piece in this battle as well.

As a human, I can only get so far on sheer willpower. And quite honestly, even having the will to do something in the first place.

I didn’t learn this until about 30 years later, back about 5+ years ago, through Andrew Murray’s book on Prayer, that we’re NEVER meant to obey God ON OUR OWN. We NEED His HELP to do it!

If you look through so many of the commands in God’s Word, the Bible, you will notice they say, “by God,” “through God,” “by faith,” or “through faith.” Faith in Who? GOD! We need Him to help aid us in obeying Him. We need His wisdom, & His will to enable us to obey Him. We HAVE to draw from Him & lean into Him through prayer, aka asking Him for His help & trusting Him to be faithful to give it!

But I didn’t know that back then. And I fought without His help… & oftentimes lost the tug-of-war with myself.

Knowing Better, But Still Wanting Me First

Because I had this God-given insight, even at a young age, I felt so much pressure to live up to every bit of insight I received. I could see excuses clear as day in others & it made me even more aware of my own.

I called this insight my blessing & my curse.

It was a blessing because I had a sense at all times what God wanted of me & even of those around me. It was a curse because I didn’t always want to know. I didn’t always want to do it or felt I couldn’t live up to it to the degree that I was aware of it & I didn’t like feeling uncomfortable when asked my opinion on something only to have them frustrated with my response. It felt overwhelming & impossible… too heavy a burden to carry. And I wanted to be liked.

I became more frustrated. I progressively felt more & more like a “bad Christian.” I wanted to do what was right, but at the same time, something in me didn’t. I didn’t understand that. I wanted to be a normal teenager when it came to that age. I didn’t want to feel so convicted about everything around me all the time.

I questioned my salvation because of it. I began to fantasize about alcohol misuse because of it. I didn’t want this burden of always knowing what was right when I didn’t always want to follow it. I wanted to be a little more clueless & a lot more carefree. I wanted to fit in.

God Offers Himself to Us… Even Before Heaven

I didn’t know that God wanted to interact with me in my life… versus just getting me into Heaven because of Jesus. I didn’t know then that He both wanted to & could help me live for Him & obey Him. It wasn’t something for which He was expecting me to be good enough on my own.

I didn’t know how to lean into Him & draw from Him… or that it was even possible/offered by God Himself. I thought to be a good Christian, I had to do it myself & WANT to. (Philippians 2:13)

Prayers felt like making sure I said all the right words, as if it were some trigger to get God to do something.

I thought prayer was just about asking God to help me get what I wanted… & when that didn’t happen… I thought He was saying He didn’t care or wasn’t involved in my life.

It was very confusing to me because I greatly misunderstood prayer & God’s working/presence in my life. But God wants to be Who actively leads my life.

God Can Work Anywhere–He Is Never Limited by the Darkness Surrounding Us

Then enter middle school. In 7^th grade, I went to public school after being homeschooled my whole life (other than 4^th grade).

I want to be very clear right now that I am in no way demonizing public school, nor do I believe any of us should.

God can work anywhere, even in the darkest of places—much darker places even than public school. Nowhere is out of God’s reach to work in the lives of those who seek Him.

AND, God can use even the worst life experiences to shape us & to cause us to recognize our very real, immediate need of Him.

But, moving on…

My Faith Was Tested & I Didn’t Exactly Pass with Flying Colors

With being in a public school, I heard all sorts of opinions on who God was, how many gods people believed there to be… how many “ways to heaven” people believed there to be… all the while asking me a little question I didn’t quite know how to answer: “How do you know YOUR God is the ‘right’ God?”

I was unprepared. I was caught off guard. I was shocked. I was embarrassed that I didn’t know how to answer.

And all of a sudden, my faith began to shake a little. A crack had formed. Questions began to pile up. I doubted God.

From that point on, my life with God was defined by doubts, tossing me around like a rag doll at some points in my life. Life all of a sudden felt uncertain & unsteady.

I believed, but I didn’t know why… & that really bothered me.

I Thought It Was “Un-Christian” to Have Doubts about God… So I Hid My Questions

But I stuffed all of those doubts down because I felt like a “bad Christian” for having questions. My parents worked with the youth ministry team at church & everyone knew them & I was afraid that if I admitted I had questions, it would reflect badly on them & on my family… that maybe they all would wonder if I was even saved at all.

So, I pretended not to have those questions.

… Until one fateful day that forced me to face everything I had tried to bury.

My family watched Left Behind, & all of a sudden, I seriously understood the weightiness of the fact that I better know what I believe once & for all, because if I didn’t, the consequences could be absolutely & terrifyingly devastating.

Let’s talk more about what came of that next week…. (Talk about a cliffhanger, huh?)

A Grace-Filled Life

Aren’t you so glad that God is SO patient with us? I am!!

Shine HOPE by allowing & welcoming questions, knowing God is not scared off by them. Go to God with questions. Take others’ questions to God, in prayer to Him for wisdom & through searching His Word, the Bible. 1. Don’t be afraid of questions, but also, 2. don’t let questions be a door for Satan to use to help you question God Himself.

Remember that fearing God is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 9:10). AKA recognizing that God is GOD & you are NOT, is the beginning of wisdom. And 3. don’t use those questions to fuel your fleshly desire for sin. Doubts do not equal worthy excuses to sin against God Almighty.

AND, ALWAYS depend on God’s help, asking Him for it & obeying, trusting He will be faithful in answering that. Your willpower will only get you so far… You NEED Him. And He WILL supply.

Amen? Amen!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Nepali Nativity Set (NEPAL)

HOLIDAY EDITION – While supplies last! The perfect nativity scene to add to your holiday decor! Each Nepali Nativity Set includes three figurines, Mary holding baby Jesus, Joseph, and a little lamb. This adorable nativity set is handcrafted using traditional felt-crafting techniques that have been passed down for generations. *****Your purchase provides a woman in an area of extreme poverty with a safe job and fair wage.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

A Living Testimony

I have done this before, in a previous series I did years ago, but I am going to attempt a fresh take on the story of my life. (See the previous series, starting here: “Pivot, Pivot! #1: The Simplicity of Grace.”)

My purpose in doing this is not so that you will look over my life & think that I am deserving of praise, but so that no matter what stage of life you happen to be in, you can see the very clear blessing it is to surrender your life to the loving, almighty God who made you… NOW.

May this serve as a testimony of how much of a blessing it is to grow up a Christian… to surrender NOW (no matter how old you are) & not wait… to live a grace-filled life. A testimony of the beautiful grace of GOD ALMIGHTY.

Made to Give God Glory

We were made to bring God glory. All of us, whether we accept Him or reject Him. It is our purpose in life. Now, as God showed through the Pharoah in the retelling of Moses’ life (Romans 9:17), even those who reject God until death will serve as a highlight to God’s glory, to show others what NOT to do, essentially, & to show that no matter how much we fight God, He will win every time & that no matter how WISE & PROGRESSIVE we feel we’re becoming, our wisdom is NO match for that of God Almighty (1 Corinthians 3:19; Isaiah 55:9) & that no matter how much we reject God, He will pursue us with an opportunity for HOPE until the day we die (the day we meet our judgment before Him) (Hebrews 9:27) because that’s how much He loves even those who reject Him.

He desires that no one should perish but that all should come to eternal life in Him. (2 Peter 3:9)

God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

But whether or not you get to personally experience the HOPE He offers, or whether you will bring Him glory through your rejection & missing out of that hope… God will be glorified.

I choose surrender. Not an “I give up” surrender, but an “I choose HIM over me” surrender.

The Sin Displayed in a Child

When I was a little kid, even from the beginning… maybe because I was the firstborn & felt pressure to be this way?… I wanted to please my parents & not get in trouble. But, I was still (& still am) human & I did act accordingly.

I begged at the grocery store, long after my mom’s nerves were shot, to be allowed a treat in the checkout aisle. I did the same when we were at any store, really… I wanted a toy or a new whatever. I think I saw my mom getting stuff & I wanted to feel grownup, too. But, nonetheless, I was no doubt headache-inducingly annoying sometimes about it.

I also have a sister 2 years younger than me, & we would get in all-out brawls. Slammed doors & “I hate you!!!” screaming & everything. The WORST was when Mom would make us HUG & say “I love you” “until we sounded like we meant it.” UGH. She would say, “friends come & go, but sisters are forever, so you guys have to make up & be good to each other.” (So, SO grateful for that now because I love having my sister as a best friend of mine. (This was long before my other sister-also a best friend of mine-was born.)

Sometimes I wouldn’t listen when asked to do something, because something else seemed far more important to me in that moment. Maybe I was styling my yard sale Barbie’s hair or coloring… any of which seemed more important than chores or helping my mom with something boring.

If you have kids, you are probably well aware of the fact that we are born sinners & my parents could probably list a LOT more things than I came up with here. As humans, we want what WE want. We want to serve SELF above anything else. It’s our innate nature.

I was no different as a kid.

Younger Years

I grew up going to church with my family. I don’t really remember too much about it from my preschool years, other than the nice people we went to church with, learning Bible verses for pieces of candy, or things like that.

But I do remember I owned an illustrated children’s Bible. I was curious about things I heard in church sometimes, although I didn’t always understand what it meant. I remembered hearing that God loved me & that Jesus died for my sins because it was often talked about… but I hadn’t really grasped on to what it meant.

It Clicked… I Was a Sinner… I Needed Jesus

Then there was one evening when I was sitting in bed looking at my children’s Bible around 5 years old & I remember seeing something about Jesus & asking God about it because I didn’t understand.

And at that moment, it clicked. Sin = things that made God angry? Sin = doing things God says not to do? Sin = why Jesus had to die for me?

And sin = not listening to & obeying my parents when they ask for my help with something? Choosing me first?

And sin = being mean to my little sister?

And sin = lying to my parents?

And sin = thinking mean things in my head?

I sinned. I was a sinner (still am). I make God angry. I do things God says not to do. I do things that made Jesus die for me.

And all of a sudden, I realized I was who that was talking about. (Well, not just me—but I certainly was not the exception to it!) I was the one needing Jesus to forgive my sins!

5 Years Old… Asking Jesus to Cover My Sins

It all seems so clear a memory looking back on it even right now, 35 years later. The weight I felt in my little kid heart. The need I felt for Jesus to forgive me so God would forgive me. I needed Him!

And so, I ran to my parents & asked them how Jesus could forgive me, too.

I remember sitting on the couch in our living room & my parents asked me questions about where this idea came from & what made me think I needed Jesus’ forgiveness. They wanted to make sure, no doubt, that I wasn’t just regurgitating words I heard from someone, but that my little child heart understood what I was asking.

And I told them it all. And I felt desperate that God please forgive me.

So, they walked me through it.

Jesus Saves! God Forgives!

God says, in Romans 10:9-10: “if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.” (emphasis added)

So simple, even a child can understand, & yet so profound & life-changing!

“Repent [turn from your sin to God] therefore and be converted [let Him begin to change you to His ways over your own], that your sins may be blotted out [forgiven by God & washed away], so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord.” (Acts 3:19) (brackets & emphasis added)

“I tell you, no; but unless you repent you will all likewise perish.” (Luke 13:3)

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

5-Year Old Me Was Saved from the Eternal, Deserved Consequences of My Sins That Day!

So my parents helped me to confess my sins to God & to ask Jesus to cover that sin for me so that I could have forgiveness & eternal life in Jesus Christ. Not because of what I did or did not do… but because of what HE did on my behalf.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9)

And from that day on, my life was changed forever. I was set free from the consequences of my sin FOREVER… because of JESUS, not me.

More on that to come….

Growing Up a Christian–A Grace-Filled Life

I don’t know if maybe you’re tempted to believe kids are too young to get it… too young to hear about Jesus DYING for them. But let me tell you, they absorb much more than we often give them credit for & they need those words floating around in their brain as early as possible. Because, while God can meet you at any age… what a blessing it is to know Him early as I did.

Don’t EVER underestimate a child’s ability to understand their need for the Gospel… nor God’s power to reach into the heart of a little child & lead them to Him.

Shine HOPE by sharing the hope we have, through Jesus’ death & rising again, conquering sin & death on our behalf… even with the little children…. They’re listening.

“Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” (Luke 18:17) (Not that you have to BE a child, but to have a childLIKE faith. And if it requires us to have a childlike faith, then by all means… a child can have faith “worthy” of salvation, through faith in Jesus.)

My Prayer

God, many in my family are trying to live life their way, on their terms… & deep down, they know full well it isn’t working as they’d hoped. Open the eyes of their heart. Show them they need YOU. Break down their walls & bring them to their knees to humbly accept Your love & Your grace. You are enough. Break through & help them to have the faith of a child–not having to have it all figured out… but trusting You are full enough to fill in the gaps. Break their pride & lead them to the way everlasting…. And for those who struggle to preach the gospel to children, open their eyes through my testimony that You can reach into young hearts sometimes easier than the jaded adult hearts. Let us remember to be a light for You to any & every age. You can work where we see it impossible! In Jesus’ glorious, life-giving, gracious name, AMEN.”

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

October 2023 Hope Mail (NEPAL & KENYA)

*****Every purchase of this month’s Hope Mail provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Nepal and Kenya where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops and human traffickers.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

“Oh, worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness!
Tremble before Him, all the earth.” (Psalm 96:9)

Holiness Really Is Beautiful

I came across this verse last night & thought, “I like that: “the beauty of holiness.”

When I try to live in a way that pleases & honors God, it really does make life seem to blossom. Even in the hard times, there is a ray of hope seeming to always shine. Life becomes richer & fuller & more meaningful.

How can this be? Because God’s ways are perfect because He is perfect. He knows everything & has perfect wisdom, so He can’t even make mistakes. I can count on His Word & His way, every time, to be best. Living His way really is beautiful.

Some Days in My Life I Just Feel Like the Definition of a Struggle Bus

I feel like I suffer/struggle a lot. I zone out, feel numb, struggle to do the simplest tasks some days because my brain just doesn’t want to cooperate. I’m emotional. I can get hurt very deeply when someone lashes out at me or misunderstands me & doesn’t seem to care for clarification. I take it too personally because I try so hard to be the best I can be & to be a friend to everyone I meet & to be respectful & kind. I care a lot, so when others don’t seem to… it hurts a lot.

Some days I’m just like, “Why does everything always seem to feel so hard for me sometimes?”

Plus, add in just everyday hardships, struggles, & trials. (AKA I feel like I am given A LOT of opportunities to lean into God for help.)

Can anyone else relate? Maybe my suffering seems trivial or pathetic to you. Maybe you get it completely because you feel the exact same way (or worse). Either way, this verse [Psalm 96:9] really is true–when I strive to live to please & honor God, it is a surprisingly great beauty in my life. It’s worth it.

We Tremble Because His Greatness Overwhelms Us

Every time I see something magnificent & so incredibly unbelievable, I literally begin to shake with awe & wonder, as tears burn the sides of my eyes. My throat tightens & I get overwhelmed with what I am witnessing in that moment.

For example, I once had the great opportunity to have a maybe 15′ long manta ray “fly” about 10′ above my head while I was scuba diving, blocking out the sun above me with its magnificent size & I actually cried from the overwhelming awe & excitement I was feeling in that moment because it felt so surreal. It was breathtaking. I will hopefully never forget how that felt.

The same can be true after I have been rebellious because I didn’t want God’s way in a specific situation or had a really bad attitude about something rather than trusting God with it… & then I witness His great patience, forgiveness, & help & I just get overwhelmed. I don’t deserve His love for me, nor will I ever deserve it–but He gives it anyway all the same. And sometimes that overwhelms me–in a good way.

Not Contradictory at All

Consider the second part of this Psalm 96:9 verse, trembling before God. Seems to sort of contradict any idea of beauty in holiness, doesn’t it? Like coercion… like you HAVE to, OR ELSE… like you’re doing it because you’re scared not to… like you’re considering God’s way as beautiful because you feel that’s how you’re SUPPOSED to feel.

When I read through Psalm 119 for the first few times, all about praising God’s way & God’s Word… that’s how it felt to me… that those many believers were just saying those sorts of things because it’s “what a good Christian ought to say about the Bible & God’s ways.”

But, no. That’s not it at all.

An Overwhelming Gratitude in Praise to God for His Steadfast Love!

That “trembling before God” bit is more the idea that you GET it… you SEE it… God is DESERVING… God is GOD & I am NOT.

But it goes even beyond that, because if you really think about it… even that can sound like obligatory praise of God, His Word, His ways, & living holy.

It’s realizing that God’s deserving is not “JUST” because He created everything, sustains everything, is the Beginning & the End, Alpha & Omega, All-powerful GOD… not “JUST” all that… but that He also calls Himself our Friend… our Father… & He gave His all, through Jesus, to rescue us from our own deserved ruin because of our sin against Him.

He’s not just deserving because He holds all power in Heaven & Earth, but because He has an all-encompassing, all-consuming, unrelenting, unconditional love for us every moment of every day, independent of our underserving, & because everything He does or tells us to do is filtered through that very deep, rich, REAL love for each & every one of us.

Deserving INDEED!

The Surprisingly Great Beauty of Holiness

That trembling in verse 6 is a response of “OH, WOW. I STAND BEFORE A HOLY, ALMIGHTY GOD WHO LOVES ME SO MUCH MORE THAN I COULD EVER, EVER BEGIN TO DESERVE!!! PRAISE GOD!!!”

And because of that understanding, I can look to the concept of holiness & think to myself, “HOW BEAUTIFUL IT IS!”

When I strive to live for Jesus, to please Him & honor Him with how I live my life… it transcends whatever hardship I am facing.

It means no struggle is EVER wasted, because my response in it (even if because I had to pray & ask God for help with a right response) is a “rare, beautiful opportunity” to point to the GRACE of GOD. No struggle is ever wasted! (Read more about that in last week’s post: “Rare, Beautiful Opportunities… in the Midst of Our Deepest Hurts & Struggles.”)

ALL for HIS GLORY!

I don’t feel coerced… I feel honored to represent Him. Come what may.

Let me suffer… as long as I get to point to Him as my hope IN the suffering.

I don’t need strength… I WANT it. What I NEED… is Him AS my strength.

I don’t need to know/understand it all… I WANT it. What I NEED is a reliance on HIM.

I don’t need everything to be easy & comfortable again… I WANT it. What I NEED is to remember that He is my Enough even when it stays hard.

I don’t NEED everyone to like me… I WANT it. What I NEED is His love… & I have it, even when I least deserve it.

Choose to Listen to & Follow God’s Way

Are you trying to dance the fence? “Have your cake & eat it, too” as the saying goes? In other words, have your “faith in Him,” but live your way at the same time? Deep down you feel the ick in that, don’t you?

Trust me, it’s not the culture or your church or parents “making you feel bad about it.” It’s God’s Spirit telling you that you can never be truly satisfied until you humbly hand that over to Him & say, “God, if You choose to take this from me… I would rather have You.”

“For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” (Matthew 16:25)

It’s not worth it trying to have both. Holiness, the striving to express love to God by being pleasing & honoring to Him in all things is ALWAYS worth it.

He Is Worth It

I mess up every day, all the time. But I have to bow that down, ask for forgiveness right away, & let the Holy Spirit take the reins when I just feel like letting my natural flesh win.

Obedience is not only right, it’s worth it. Living for Him is worth it. Living through prayer for His help is worth it. Living with Him as your only strength through hard times is worth it.

HE is worth it.

Holiness is beautiful because it’s a laying down of our broken, flesh-driven responses, attitudes, thinking, habits, & actions… either led by our deceitful heart, our rebellious flesh, or our limited human understanding… trading all of that to let God’s perfect & perfectly love-filled Word & way lead the narrative of your life instead.

We tremble, not because God is vicious, but because we understand we can never deserve Him, but are in complete awe & reverence because He offers Himself & His love to us all the same.

Deserving indeed!!!

What Are You Holding Back?

What are you making excuses for?

Where are you trying to dance the fence of “having faith” while still doing things your way in a certain area of your life?

What does God not have full control of in your life right now?

We will ALWAYS be a work in progress—until heaven—but let’s not wait. If God’s Spirit nudges us in an area, let us say, “God, letting You have this area scares me because I want it my way or this way. But remind me that You know better. Remind me You have full control & power to overcome anything I can’t. You know everything & You love me more than anyone else. Help me be willing to let You take that control in my life. I don’t deserve You, but You give Your all to me anyway. THANK YOU. In Jesus’ saving name, AMEN.”

SHINE HOPE by determining to strive to live a holy pleasing-to-God life, with His help of course!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Gingerbread House Set (INDIA)

HOLIDAY EDITION – While supplies last! Display the darling Gingerbread House Set along with all your favorite holiday decor! This set of three, unique hand-painted mango wood houses will create a beautifully cozy feel when placed on your mantel or in a tablescape display. These eco-friendly, decorative houses are made from fast-growing mango wood, a sustainable byproduct of India’s mango fruit industry. Each house features unique natural wood grains and hand-painted gorgeous designs. Every purchase supports families in areas of extreme poverty in India.

In addition to being eco-friendly with fast-growing mango wood, our Artisans use up ALL parts of the wood! Nothing is wasted. This leads to many variations in the set, showing off its natural beauty.

Every gingerbread house set has variations as a part of the Artisan-made charm!

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

So Many Opinions

I get a lot of differing responses to the fact that I run a blog & my own website.

Some have expressed that I (just by the very fact that I write a weekly blog) seem smug or as if my reasoning behind doing so is because I think I am somehow better than everyone else. (Ha! As if.) Some seem to think I have NO business doing this because of how obvious a mess I am. Some put me on a pedestal I don’t deserve to be on. Some think I do this because I am a “good person.” Some think I just want the spotlight all on me. Some seem to physically be struggling to hold back an eye roll to my face.

I don’t know what your opinion is, & honestly, to risk being rude, it really shouldn’t matter at all... because NONE of that should determine why I do this.

What Motivates Me?

In fact, if it were completely my choice, I probably would NOT be doing this. I don’t think my writing is good enough. I oftentimes don’t think my post has anything “inspirational” to say. I feel weak & inadequate & honestly, it really highlights so many areas of weakness in me that I would much rather sugarcoat, brush over, & move on from in private.

I really needed to establish early on what exactly motivates me on this blog journey. The opinion of others? Or honoring what God has put in front of me to do–to consistently be a presence that points repeatedly to God, through Jesus Christ, as my only true hope–good mood, bad mood, good attitude, bad one… whatever. All to Him. All for Him. All through Him. To God be the glory, Amen.

ALL struggles, pain, & weaknesses have the potential to point someone else who is struggling similarly to the only place I have found true hope—God, through Jesus Christ.

Keeping My Dignity or Letting Everything Shine for Christ?

I used to wonder why I struggle with emotions so much. Why it can be so easy for me to get so low out of nowhere.

If you have not personally experienced a situation or depression symptoms or a particular flaw/weakness, it can be quite easy to raise an eyebrow, roll your eyes, & think to yourself, “Well isn’t she begging for attention at every turn?” or, “How has she not figured this out yet?”

Trust me, I am sometimes tempted to keep my mouth shut because SOMEtimes negative reactions from people are more common than prayerful, patient, gracious responses. And, let’s be honest… I want to keep some form of dignity intact.

God Has Me… No Matter the “Even If”

I used to cry & ask God, “WHY?!” Why do I have to drop so low out of seemingly nowhere sometimes? Why do things that seem normal to so many people have to feel like an all-out battle for me? Why does the darkness keep trying to take me under it?

And guess what, sometimes I still feel that way when going through a dark day. Truly.

But, as I was reading one of Paul’s letters, inspired of God in God’s Word (the Bible), he was talking about prison & going places where he was wanted as dead… & yet he faced them with joy & hope, because He knew God NEVER wastes our pain. He ALWAYS has a plan. He’s completely sufficient IN them. And in those places, Paul KNEW he could have a rare & beautiful opportunity to shine HOPE to people who would otherwise never come near him or bother to listen. He could share the hope of Jesus where few dared to go… & come what may, because of Jesus… he had Heaven to look forward to, knowing God had him no matter the “even if.”

And it dawned on me. When we go through hard things in life that bring us incredibly low, we have that same rare, beautiful opportunity to shine HOPE to people who would otherwise never care to listen about Jesus.

Even Here, God CAN… Even Here… There Is HOPE in JESUS

When you are brought to low places, other people in those same low places can get a glimpse that “EVEN HERE” God CAN. Even HERE, there is HOPE in Jesus.

Do I like having all of these hard situations, emotions, failures, weaknesses? Definitely no. But I can glory in the LORD & PRAISE Him for them because they take me to places where people can relate & can clearly see that EVEN IF… God is enough… JESUS’ sacrifice offers HOPE… REAL, I-CAN-COUNT-ON-IT HOPE.

Is it more comfortable to save face? Oh, yes. But is it worth it to save face? No, not at all. I don’t ever want to waste one of those rare, beautiful opportunities.

No matter what I face, even if it’s where I got to myself… I want everything to point back to Him.

Sometimes I Have to Pray for the Right Mindset to Bring God Glory Versus My Natural Wanting to Crawl in a Hole & Hide

I do not always have a good attitude about it right away, either. Sometimes, I’m like, “NOPE, this one is being kept to myself…” but then I realize: then what is the point of the hard experience if God won’t be glorified in it? I don’t want to waste it! Because, no matter how HARD something may be, He is ALWAYS sufficient in it. And not a just enough sufficient, but an overflowing sufficient.

Listen. I have been in some dark places. I’m sure many have been through way worse than me, though.

But in those darkest of places, even if mine seem trivial in comparison to your own… let my life be a constant reminder that you can look to Him & you can find HOPE there & only there.

Where Does My Hope Come From… from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven & Earth!

Sure, it may feel that hope is accessible in many different places & forms… but LASTING, no-strings-attached, covers ALL… HOPE… is ONLY found in Jesus. Periodt.

And no matter how weak it may make me look, or how pathetic, or whiney, or sad, or annoying, or “show-off-y.” I don’t care. I want everything in my life to remind you that HE IS WHERE YOUR HOPE COMES FROM.

Verse Reminders AKA Truth Reminders

“I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1-2)

“My soul, wait silently for God alone,
For my expectation is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be moved.
In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
And my refuge, is in God.

Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah (Psalm 62:5-8)

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son [Jesus}, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:16-17)

“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, [or face suffering/trials], or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Corinthians 10:31) (brackets added)

My Prayer

 “God, I know I have the tendency to want to be what people want… to save face… to be liked… to appear strong & put together… to not make a scene & to stay in the shadows when I feel less-than… to not seem whiney… to not put all of my less-than”ness” on display. Forgive me for wanting to make it only about me… about my comfort… about my reputation… about people accepting/liking me. Please continue to remind me that my pain, my failures, my weaknesses, my struggles are all rare, beautiful opportunities to be brought low so that I can point to You as my only true HOPE in ANY & every situation in life. Use my weaknesses & failures to glorify Your name. THANK YOU for sending Jesus for us. We don’t deserve You. We don’t deserve our wrongs against You living for ourselves & by our own way, to be covered by & through Jesus. THANK YOU for not leaving our forgiveness up to us. THANK YOU for MAKING a way, through Jesus. HELP ME to be a light for You NO MATTER the circumstances. You are beyond worth it. BE my strength. BE my comfort. BE my refuge…. COME WHAT MAY. In Jesus’ Almighty name, AMEN.”

Rare, Beautiful Opportunities… In the Midst of Our Deepest Hurts & Struggles

What are you struggling with right now?

What weakness seems to creep up on you too many times to comfortably admit?

What hurts you?

Where do you feel alone?

What brings you low?

And how can those areas become rare, beautiful opportunities to rely on & point to hope in Jesus?

Will you let those hurts/struggles be wasted? Or will you use them to point to God as your truest sufficiency come what may?

Where can you use those areas to shine a light of hope in Jesus to the world watching around you?

SHINE HOPE by determining to not let your human struggle to go wasted… to use it all as rare, beautiful opportunities to give God glory.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Hand-Carved Acorn Set (INDIA)

LIMITED EDITION – while supplies last! This adorable set of three wooden acorns is meticulously hand-carved in India by women earning fair wages for their work. Each acorn features a hand-carved tag tied with satin ribbons that say: “gather,” “grateful,” and “blessed”. Made of eco-friendly mango wood, a fast-growing, sustainable byproduct of India’s mango fruit industry and the acorn stem at the top is made from antiqued aluminum.

*****Every purchase supports families in areas of extreme poverty in India.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Is It Really That Bad?

It’s easy to look at someone else’s situation & think to yourself, “Is it really as bad as they make it out to be, though?” Have you ever thought that?

Regretfully, I have.

Have you ever had someone judge you in that way? Maybe with a chronic illness or migraines or something where others may think you’re exaggerating? Regretfully, it’s a yes for me to this as well.

And to those of you who make conscious effort to give people the benefit of the doubt when you don’t understand or don’t see the validity of someone’s struggle… BLESS YOU.

(Note: If you are a friend who has confided in me, having context & backstory, as friends, makes it less likely I will doubt what you say… but I don’t have that context with people I don’t know very well–& that should make no difference.)

Always Extend Grace

A friend recently said in our conversation that assumptions are never a good idea & that (as I have posted about on here before), even if someone is hurtful to me one day, it could have been a very bad, off day for them & I was just the recipient of outpoured stress. Still not kind or okay, but it may not be their all-the-time view of me. It may just be that they’re stressed & I got in their path.

That’s one reason I believe that God stresses the importance of extending grace to others. You just don’t know what they’re going through. Was it right? No. But I can ask God to help me take my personal feelings out of the equation, have compassion for whatever is causing them to lash out this way, & I can pray for them. Always extend grace.

I’m Not Even 4o Yet… How Can My Body Hurt This Much?

Look, I’m not even 40 yet (although November is coming quickly!) & I already feel like I have the body of an 80-year-old woman.

I get it. I’m aging. The stereotypical jokes after 30 start focusing a lot more on the whole sore &/or creaking back you can get just from standing up from sitting. It doesn’t take much.

But this seems worse to me somehow. Like, commonly I can lean over to wipe a child’s short desk (I am an aide for a class with littles) with a cleaning wipe or PICK UP A PIECE OF PAPER & my back reacts like that “WOAH” wide-eyed shocked emoji. It seizes up with sharp pain & I almost feel as if I’ve gone & thrown my back out from PICKING UP A PIECE OF PAPER. Like, WHAT?!

Trying to Explain Something to Someone That Doesn’t Even Make Sense to Me…

And just like my sudden overwhelm of emotions that send me into sobs for absolutely no reason when hormones are going crazy before a certain time of the month… I have no legitimate cause to offer anyone for these pains.

Like, “Well, I don’t know. I picked up a piece of paper & my back stopped working.”

This is about where I get the slow eyebrow raise like, “you… what now?” And I want to just shrug & say, “Yeah, a piece of paper did this to me. I can’t even pick up a piece of paper that’s lower than table height or my back may decide to stop working. Not a ream of paper or a crate of paper. Just a single sheet. It’s really the leaning down motion that does it.”

Sounds legit.

And lately, when I turn (not even that quickly or forcefully), sometimes my back ribs will pop out of place for a minute, creating a sharp pain & being frozen in place until I can ease it back into place.

My body is falling apart on me, guys.

It’s Like… “I Promise It Hurts?”

And none of it seems legitimate enough to warrant how much pain it can cause me. And it’s also not at all consistent, so that really helps when I am trying to get someone to believe me. Thanks, body. Thanks a lot.

I get it when people don’t get it… when they respond insensitively. I wish I could say I didn’t, but I do. I have made similar assumptions about others based on my own observations & experiences.

Shame on me.

It IS Up to Me to PRAY

It’s NOT up to me to decide whether or not someone deserves my compassion. It IS up to me to PRAY for them regardless of my opinion.

I have been in seasons of my life, like last year, that were unbelievably hard (moving from a place I loved back to a place I opposite-of-loved, with all the preparations & planning falling out from under us each step of the way & just living on a prayer, literally… to then a tumultuous, displaced beginning here where we could not find a home in our budget)... And to some people, I probably looked like a weak person for struggling so much. It probably seemed dramatic & exaggerative… I get it.

And to top it off, my back issues.

I was desperate for a sense of HOME, to feel settled & I really needed compassion. I was a whole lot more vulnerable than is typical. I felt displaced & hurting (physically & emotionally).

I need to look past my view of a situation & be ready to pray. Not judge it’s deserving… just PRAY. God knows their need. God is able to help them. So, I need to pray.

Just PRAY Anyway

Sometimes it really is about-attention seeking for people. Maybe they just really are feeling alone in this world, rejected by someone they love & trust, displaced, a chronic illness, a diagnosis… their world feels like it is spinning out of control. Maybe they put on a brave face so they don’t have to explain their pain to everyone who asks… If someone such as this chooses to share with me their struggle… I ought to pray for them… even if from an outsider’s view it seems “not so bad” because of how hard they fight to hide the weight of their true inner struggle. Just PRAY anyway.

Sometimes they do cry & it seems like all they ever do is cry. Maybe it’s hormones. Maybe it’s depression eating at their sanity… maybe it’s a trial in their life they don’t let known for shame or embarrassment. Maybe they really are just weak-hearted. I don’t know. But it’s not my job to know. It’s my job to care & to pray anyway.

Sometimes pain is obvious & consistent. Sometimes it’s sporadic & hard to see. Sometimes people try to play tough, so when they share, they don’t seem all too shaken up about it. Some don’t bother hiding it. Doesn’t matter. I ought to pray.

Give Others the Benefit of the Doubt… & Pray

The loving, God-honoring choice is to give others the benefit of the doubt… & pray.

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) (emphasis added)

It doesn’t have to appear legitimate for it to be legitimate.

It doesn’t have to appear legitimate for me to show compassion.

It doesn’t have to appear legitimate for me to give it over to God & pray for them.

Shine HOPE by choosing to be kind, caring, & compassionate, even when their hurt doesn’t make much sense to you… & pray for them… always pray for them.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Girls’ Education Necklace-Silver (East Asia/Haiti)

Girls’ education is the key to a brighter future! This dainty feminine, necklace features a little key charm plated in Sterling Silver and made by women rescued from brothels in East Asia. Ten dollars from every Girls’ Education Necklace purchase is given directly to L’École Royale in Haiti. We understand the importance of children’s education to truly end poverty cycles in areas of extreme poverty.

*****Every purchase sends girls to school and helps support a sex-trafficking survivor in East Asia with safe housing, health care, trauma counseling, job skills training, and dignified income.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

When Trials in Life Hit Hard

I posted about this on social media last night, but I’ve been having a rough time. I’m not sure if it’s my depression playing tricks on my mind, hormones, lack of restful sleep this week, or even spiritual warfare (or maybe a combination of any of those), but I’ve been experiencing pockets of deep sadness… the kind of sadness that sticks in your throat like a lump… the kind of sadness that feels too heavy & makes me want to slump to the floor in tears from the weight of it.

AND I have been having anxiety pretty frequently—not worrying anxiety, but more like overstimulation causing my brain & body to sort of short circuit, like the room gets hot & feels like it’s closing in on me & my breathing & heartrate quicken & I feel jittery & numb & it just feels very weird & unsettling when it happens. My guess is all the quarantine & social distancing rewired my brain to where now it can’t handle stimulation like it used to & just gets overwhelmed far too easily.

And on top of all that, I am battling a huge migraine right now & sort of feel like throwing up.

So, that’s my reality at the moment—glamorous, I know.

I Have Heaven to Look Forward to, But I Have Work to Do While I’m Still Here on Earth

But even though I feel weak on so many levels right now, I have also seen God show up in my lacking. I have determined to stay faithful to my responsibilities today despite it all & have felt God helping me make it happen. I may not feel good, but I feel sustained.

Sometimes the inconvenience of my anxiety (aka stop everything & head to the nearest dressing room or bathroom stall at the mall so I can take a moment to take some deep breaths) & the deep pockets of sadness that hit me & other things like this impossibly annoying migraine I’m currently experiencing… & it makes me cry & say, “God, can I just go to heaven now? I’m so over this,” because I don’t like suffering.

But I have to be so careful not to let despair creep in & take over. If I am still here, it’s because there’s work left to do to bring God glory… & because God knows that He is more than enough for me… even on my worst days.

I have to be intentional in clinging to truth & clinging to Him.

Jesus Gave It All, And God Continues to Offer Me His All–He Is the Vine & I am the Branch

Yes, it’s true, because of what Jesus did for me—condescending Himself as God become man, dying the death I deserve for my wrongs against God, & being raised again, conquering both death & my debt to God, my sin against God—because of that, because I have put my trust in that grace that saved me, in Jesus—I can count on Heaven. I have that assurance to rest in when things feel so hard. Not because I’m enough, but because He is.

But God has work for me to do while I am here, to serve & love others, to be an encouragement, to edify & build up others by pointing to Him as my source of HOPE & reminding others where to run in every life situation—Him… To share JESUS.

“I am the Vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)

My Purpose (& Yours) Is to Bring God Glory

As long as He has me here, it’s because He has good works He has planned in advance for me to do. My life has a purpose—to glorify Him, to make Him known.

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10)

“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16)

When Life Is Hard-Cling to Truth & Cling to God

And that’s why I must choose in the darkest of moments, whether it be a truly difficult circumstance or whether Satan is exploiting a situation to make me focus on how big the problem is & forget how much bigger my God is… when life is hard, I must choose to cling to truth & cling to God.

I must choose to trust that God is enough for me even when I am not enough for myself.

I must choose to let Him be my strength even if He doesn’t give me any of my strength back.

I must accept my frailty & cling to His almighty-ness.

I must let Him be GOD in my life.

Hard Doesn’t Have to Equal Bad Because You Can Rest It in God’s Almighty Hands

So, yes, days have felt pockets of hard times this past week, made worse today with my migraine… but God is enough for me in it & I will choose to cling to that truth & cling to Him.

I will choose to still live to give Him glory… because He deserves it… no matter what happens, good or bad. May it all lead back to His glory.

Maybe you’re feeling similarly. Maybe not. Maybe even worse than me. Choose to cling to truth, GOD’s truth. Choose to serve & live for Him anyway. Choose to cling to Him as your sufficiency & hope in all things. Choose to give God the glory.

Shine HOPE, even on your darker, harder days. Always.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Celestial Blue Handbag Strap (India)

This genuine leather Celestial Blue Handbag Strap has a stunning twisted design and is reversible, featuring cobalt blue on one side with white stitching and black on the other. Perfect to pair with the Eclipse Handbag and our Raven Belt Bag! This comfortable strap can be worn as a shoulder strap or could be worn as a crossbody.

*****Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in India.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

It’s Okay to Admit Weakness… It’s in Our Nature

Well, I think it has been thoroughly established at this point that I am a weak human. Now, to redeem myself only somewhat, I don’t mean this to say that as far as humans go, I am a weak one… but rather that, as humans, we are weak… & I am no exception.

I know this is counter-culture for me to say this & be okay with it. Our culture screams self-sufficiency as the goal, the thing to admire in someone…. But I disagree.

It’s okay to admit our weakness, because as humans… we ARE weak.

We Need to be More Okay with Letting Others Know They’re Not Alone in Their Weakness

I cannot even tell you how many times at this point that I have gone on social media to share my weakness of the day, whether it be a bad attitude or just feeling so BLAH that I don’t feel up to doing anything, or whatever else it may be that I am facing… & to then pray through it, leaning on God for help. It’s seems like God urges me to share my every weakness with the world in an effort to reveal Him as my true strength.

I have to tell you, my default is selfishness. My default is “look out for numero uno.” My default is complaining & whining & just wanting to quit when things get hard. My default is seeking out comfort. My default is wanting to be completely self-sufficient, not NEEDING God, but knowing He’s there for me “just in case.” Ha. My default wants to do what I want more than what God wants.

If you ever see anything different out of me, it is not because I am some superhuman Christian, or even that me being a Christian somehow makes me superhuman… Nope. But, as a Christian, I do have access to GOD’s superhuman strength & power.

But I still have to CHOOSE to surrender to His will & way & help, otherwise, my humanness is just as humanly weak as any other person out there, Christian or not.

I Don’t Just Choose Jesus, I NEED Jesus

The more that I grow, the more glaringly obvious my sinful nature & my need for Jesus becomes.

I thought I had to be good enough… not for Jesus to pay my debt to God really, but to be good enough to be in God’s good graces. I mistakenly thought it was up to ME to be faithful, obedient, etc…. in MY strength & MY willpower.

But I was wrong.

If you’re feeling tired in life right now, you are not alone. Judging by the memes & social media posts I see shared frequently, that seems to be a majority of the population right now, quite often including me.

But don’t let tired keep you fooled. You were never meant to be able to do this life on your own. You were made to NEED God’s help.

Ask God’s Forgiveness for Wanting to Do It in Your OWN Strength Versus Needing to Rely on HIS

That’s an uncomfortable concept to me, if I am being completely honest with you… which is why I know that I NEED to ask God’s forgiveness when I have a bad attitude, when I am grumpy & “done” with everything on a given day… because what that reveals in me is my not wanting to need Him.

I want to feel capable & strong & alert & self-sufficient & ready for my day, confident that I am fully capable to handle whatever comes my way, & when that’s not really my vibe that day, I feel annoyed & frustrated & tired with all of it… when I should be humble in accepting my human frailty & joyful in knowing that God is never fragile & He always makes Himself available to me (& to you).

God has proven Himself to me more times than I can count, though I try to document them as best I can through this blog, acting as a growing testimony of all He is to me & all He has done in & through my life. But I still find myself wanting to rely on myself instead.

God Is Capable of WAY MORE Than We Could Ever Give Him Credit For

I was the doubter of doubters, the key word being: WAS.

I know now what He is capable of. I have learned to trust that He CAN, even when I don’t see any possible way for that to be true. He is above me, beyond me. Thank GOD.

His ways are higher than mine. (Isaiah 55:9) He can do far more than I could ever ask or THINK. (Ephesians 3:20-21)

Do you know why the little repeated phrase in the Bible that says, “FEAR GOD,” (Proverbs 9:10) has become SUCH a comfort to me? Because it’s a reminder that God is GOD. And I am not.

Don’t Let Tired Fool You

Lean into God for help. LET Him BE your strength. Don’t let tired fool you.

You may think in your heart, “yeah, yeah, God is my strength,” as if to say, “yeah, I get it, He’s God & now I have His strength, so I should be able to do this.” NO. I am saying, “you may be a Christian, but you are STILL HUMAN. Take that humanness to Him, admit your limitations to Him, & ASK Him to be your enough IN it & THROUGH it. Consistently SUBMIT to Him AS your strength. It’s not just a once & done, but a continually laying down of yourself in exchange for His Godness to take the reins of your life.”

Seek & You SHALL Find

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8)

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” (Ephesians 3:20-21)

“You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.” (James 4:3)

If you don’t feel God filling in as you pray… being your enough in it… are you asking Him to help you feel self-capable again? Or are you asking to see Him be capable FOR you?

Are you asking Him to reinforce your will or way? Or are you submitting to HIS being done?

Shine HOPE by not letting “tired” have the final say. Trust that God is bigger & greater & mightier than your biggest, greatest, & mightiest limitations. He will ENABLE you to do His will AS you lean into Him AS your strength every step of it.

AMEN.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Chai Crossbody (INDIA)

This gorgeous camel-colored Chai Crossbody Bag can be used as an on-trend belt bag or as a Crossbody bag. The removable and adjustable strap has a subtle block print pattern. The ethically made Chai Crossbody is handcrafted in India and features an exterior slip pocket, interior zipper pocket, interior slip pocket, and leather shoulder strap. The interior is lined in a tan fabric with a fun poppy print on it.

*****Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in India!*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

The Never-Ending Quest to Feel Good

God never promised life would be easy. Sometimes that is a hard truth to swallow.

I think it’s easy to get the truth twisted on that point because our fleshly humanness is ever-seeking pleasures & comforts, while God asks us to find our satisfaction in Him & to seek Him as our Comforter.

I want things to be easy. I want to not have to struggle, feel tired (sometimes beat up because I feel so tired), feel anxiety (not worry, but overwhelmed easily—maybe an after-effect of all the many months of quarantine/social distancing/avoiding being around people?)… I want it to feel easy.

But God never promised easy.

Satan Plays off of Our Natural Desires

And in that, Satan likes to play. He knows we are humanly bent toward seeking satisfaction our way, in ways that seem right to us… so, because that’s natural for us to feel, he aptly chooses to play into it, convincing me at times that God must not care about me because I can’t seem to find that satisfaction I seek, though I try so hard to find it.

But the reason I don’t find it during those times is because I get under the wrong impression that “how can a quick prayer be more effective than ______________???” & end up looking to what “makes more sense” or seems “more likely to work.”

The Who Is What Really Counts

Seems nonsensical & “overly spiritual” sometimes to imply that a simple prayer is what will really help. But, we have talked about this before, haven’t we? God’s impossible peace? How He can wash over me with reassuring, confident, comforting peace just from counting on it to come from Him ALONE versus anywhere else. It’s crazy, but it’s so real. (Read my previous blog post about “How You Can Have Impossible Peace.”)

When we consider Who the prayer is directed to, it changes the whole narrative. The Who is what makes prayer so powerful, not the words you say or rituals you try with it. It’s not a “repeat these words & all will be well,” but rather a, “trust in HIM & He will be your all through it.” (Read more about that in: “Do You Trust in Prayer or in God?”)

Why Don’t I Pray More Instantly?

Satan doesn’t want me trying that. He doesn’t want us to discover that the greatest satisfaction, comfort, healing, peace, LOVE comes from a God we can’t even physically SEE with our own two eyes… That God’s power is SO powerful & mighty that He doesn’t have to show a huge, grand display to show Himself awesome & almighty... That even a PRAYER holds more power than any effort we can make or any solution we can try because in it we are turning to the One Who holds ALL power in heaven & earth!

Satan doesn’t want us realizing that God is the only real, true answer in all that we seek.

You see, God is always sufficient… & not just a “good enough” sufficient, but an all-fulfilling, all-you-need, always reliable SUFFICIENT.

Easily Sidetracked, Easily Fooled

I believe Satan TOO OFTEN. I am like the stereotypical, “la-di-da… BUTTERFLY!” type of easily-distracted-by-shiny-things person.

Like, DEEP DOWN, I KNOW God has MORE THAN sufficiently proven Himself to be enough for me… & yet, little fleshly humanness inner me thinks, “yeah, but it would feel really satisfying, I bet, if I just [binged tv, tried to numb over, avoid, anything-other-than-prayed, etc.] instead.”

Dumb. Dumb, dumb, DUMB.

It’s no wonder God frequently likens humans to SHEEP. I just wander right off & have to have God AGAIN show Himself my Rescuer… my Enough. I’d be surprised if He doesn’t roll His eyes at me every time at this point, like, “well, here she goes again, trusting something other than Me to satisfy her…. She’ll get there. Give her a minute.”

When God Doesn’t Give Me What I Want When I Want It

Oh, & then there’s the fact that when things are really, REALLY hard & they in fact STAY hard, oh boy am I gullible to Satan’s lies.

I so easily can go from, “God, You are AMAZING. I will NEVER doubt You again because You have ONCE AGAIN PROVEN Yourself to me! Praise You from Whom ALL blessings flow!!!” to, “This is hard & You’re not stopping the hard, so maybe You forgot about me.”

[insert face palm here]

Easy does not always equal good & hard does not have to equal bad.

Hard Does Not Have to Equal Bad

Hard can lead us into the arms of God, where our soul longs to be in the first place.

Hard can force us to recognize that the only true source of hope that works is God Himself.

Hard can make the power of God so incredibly clear to us when we find ourselves so completely in lack.

Hard can offer a clear display to OTHERS how great God really is, in stark contrast to their recognizing how weak you actually are.

Hard can offer a clear testimony to the fact that God can offer peace IN the hard & does not have to rely on REMOVING the hard.

Hard is often a very good place to be.

But it is hard.

God Never Promises an Easy Life-But He Is Always Sufficient

God never promises us an easy life-but He is always sufficient. He promises a fulfilling life, one defined by the fruit He grows in us as we learn to lean into Him in every circumstance &/or feeling.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23)

He promises to be our ENOUGH IN the hard.

Learn to have an “Even If” mindset. “Lord, Even IF it DOES stay hard… remind me that You are sufficiently all I will need through it every step.”

Shine HOPE by pointing to Him as your hope, especially when life isn’t easy.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Aro Earrings (EAST ASIA)

These modern silver-tone, double-drop hoops from East Asia are stunning and make a big impact! Each earring is handcrafted by a woman leaving the brothels of East Asia to create a better life for herself. Make a fair-trade fashion statement every time you style your Aro Earrings!

*****Every purchase helps provide income, counseling, education, and jobs for women who’ve been rescued from the brothels of East Asia.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

A New Year, A New Monster to Face

Starting this new school year, working as an aide, I will tell you that I started with trickles of anxiety that quickly began to form a swirling haze of oppression that never seemed to let up.

It’s not a difficult job, being an aide, but for certain reasons, my year last year was less than great & because of that, I now feel fear associated with starting my job.

Now, at first, this was just manifested in feeling a little off, a little apprehensive about the coming year… but soon, as I had been stuffing all of those feelings down or away, they began to press into me like a heavy blanket over me that just kept getting heavier.

… Until Tuesday night.

I’m Glad I Didn’t Sleep

On Tuesday, I was feeling so oppressed by it, so weighed down & anxious & afraid… I had let it linger too long & now it was getting out of control.

My husband & I spend some time praying over it that night, recognizing that Satan was having a field day in my heart & mind. Then Jamie (my hubs) went to sleep… & I didn’t.

No, I didn’t get any sleep Tuesday night. None at all. But for once, I’m glad for it.

You see, I started that night feeling so down & pressed in & like my mind was swirling angsty tormenting feelings I wanted to swat away &/or numb over for any sort of relief.

So, after my husband fell asleep & my torment didn’t stop… I decided it was time to journal it out & pray over it so I could actually address each piece of it, bit by bit, rather than having this faceless, nameless swirl of anxieties raging war on my mind.

Prayer Journaling Your Anxieties WORKS–Handing Every Part to God, Piece by Piece

I began to write them all out–all the nagging little thoughts–trying to be as specific as I possibly could, so that I could really dig in & get to the root of the lie my heart must be holding onto, so I could then exchange it for truth & the help of God’s strength to kick it in the face.

So, I named names (in my personal journal)… or, I attempted to:

-So & so didn’t believe me, as if they don’t trust me.

-So & so said ___________, so they clearly misunderstood me & didn’t care to let me clarify.

-So & so talked about me behind my back, & I overheard, so now I feel insecure.

-So & so doesn’t trust me & because I care so much about my integrity & reputation, that really hurt me.

-So & so doesn’t seem to like me, even though I try to be intentionally friendly with them.

-I feel alone & misunderstood & out of sync with everyone around me & I just want to withdraw & stop trying.

–Why does there seem to be so much disconnect between me trying to put my best foot forward & others seeming to think I don’t care & just want to get away with doing the least possible. How could they even begin to think that about me when I care so much about doing a good job & having integrity in all I do!?

Writer’s Block on my Prayer Journaling?!

Those were just a fraction of my list that I WANTED to write. (I say, “wanted to write,” because every time I tried to begin my list, I froze & my mind went blank, as if something was physically blocking my brain from being able to type the thoughts in my own head.)

So, frustrated, I prayed about that, too. Like, “come ON, God! What is the deal!? I need to get this jumbled mess OUT of my head! I need You to help me deal with it! Why can’t I write about this (in my personal journal)??? Why are you stopping me? What is happening? Help me! I need You!”

And, as I prayed, a single word began to form above all else in that jumbled mess: SATAN.

Not one of the “so & so” people… not one problem over another as the “main problem”… but SATAN. Satan was behind all of it & all of a sudden, that became so abundantly clear to me that everything else began to suddenly make much more sense.

“For We Wrestle Not Against Flesh & Blood…”

I mean, think about it, God even TELLS us:

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” (Ephesians 6:12)

Sure, maybe someone had an off day & said something careless or unkind.

Sure, maybe someone didn’t pray but just reacted in their own humanness.

Sure, maybe someone DID make a big mistake.

Sure, maybe someone DOESN’T believe me for whatever reason.

Sure, maybe someone IS holding onto a misperception of me for whatever reason.

But, Satan. Satan is the one using all of those things to torment me, to feed my insecurities & to tell me not to bother trying anymore, to isolate myself & to just quit trying to make friends… to just resign with being an outsider who is miserable & alone as if that’s all I can or will ever be.

Satan.

What Does GOD Say?

God says I am part of the BODY of the church, with Jesus as the Head. That we are all meant to work together & love one another & support one another. (1 Corinthians 12:14-27)

God says to love those who aren’t great to us. (Luke 6:27-36) In other words, even if someone chooses wrong, I have an opportunity (& a responsibility) to still choose right.

He doesn’t just say to love those who love you. So, even if the aforementioned DID all actually HATE me (if going to the absolute extreme scenario), my response ought to be to love them still, to participate & contribute still, to pray for them still… to be a PART of the BODY of Christ still.

What Does Satan Want? What Does GOD Want?

Satan wants me constantly second-guessing myself, staying timid with my God-given gifting unused & my God-given opportunities ignored or forgotten. (2 Timothy 1:7)

God wants my confidence to be in God, even if I DO mess up. God wants me to make the right choice, even if it were true that others would refuse to do the same.

Satan wants me isolated & alone, withdrawn from community & fellowship & accountability.

God wants me plugged in as a member of His body, the church… & actively loving those around me.

Don’t listen to Satan, my friend. Don’t do it.

People will mess up, sure. I mess up, you mess up… we all mess up.

But don’t let Satan spin that into anything more.

Claim truth. Cling to God. Stand firm against the devil. Don’t give him an INCH (because he will take it & RUN with it, of that you can be SURE).

Facing the Anxiety Monster

You’re not alone. You’re not less than anyone else… even when you’re facing the “anxiety monster.”

And even if someone does misjudge you or mistreat you, peace can be found in the arms of God, entrusting that hurt to Him for His peace, His comfort, His healing, & His way forward to love anyway.

Shine HOPE by taking that anxiety to the CROSS of Jesus & asking God to help you have discernment to see where Satan is deceiving you & holding you captive, so you can find the freedom we are offered in Jesus. (John 8:36)

… So yeah, not sleeping is BLEH, but this time… I’m pretty glad I didn’t sleep.

*Remember TRUTH*

“IN the multitude of my anxieties within me,
Your comforts delight my soul.” (Psalm 94:19, emphasis added)

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

“Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

August 2023 Hope Mail (GUATEMALA & INDIA)

FOR A LIMITED TIME – Only available during the month of August!

Who do you know who would love a beautiful package filled with hope in their mailbox? This exclusive August Hope Mail package makes a great gift for any occasion! Why not treat yourself to a little inspiration? Enjoy free shipping on this August Hope Mail package that includes our Buna Earrings from India, a Coffee Sample from Guatemala, and an adorable sticker mailed in a stylish Fashion as a Force for Good Envelope.

*****Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in India and Guatemala where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops and human traffickers.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!