We Need to Talk…

Can we talk about health & body image for a second today?

If you know me, you know I am overweight…. But my weight doesn’t define me.

A Little Pudge… Words Matter

You see, little me had a little pudge—I wasn’t fat, but I wasn’t skinny. In hindsight, I looked like a normal little kid—but I felt UGLY.

I was always told by others that I would be liked more if I lost weight… that boys would like me better & that I would make more friends.

I know now that those words were meant to encourage me to be healthy & that a healthy person usually is just more confident, stronger, & more energetic, which usually attracts people. CONFIDENCE attracts people.

But I took it a different way then. I took it to mean that I wasn’t worth too much without a smaller number on the scale… without a smaller clothing size.

I Used to Pray to be Skinny

I am still wading through & dividing the line between well-meaning persuasion of others & the insecurities that I am just not enough.

I used to pray SO MUCH that God would just make me skinny. I used to pray that I could lose all desire for food & maybe that He would make it all taste gross to me.

(I am so glad He DIDN’T answer okay to making food taste bad! Thank You, GOD!)

My Weight Shame

I used to cry a lot, feeling like such a loser, someone who deserved to be picked on & verbally bullied at school. I DESERVED it because I wasn’t skinny, so I therefore wasn’t pretty enough to be treated well anyway. (My perception then.)

I used to avoid looking in the mirror EVER & used to pray that God would help me not HATE the way I look when I see myself in a mirror anymore.

I used to wear t-shirts when I showered because I was too ashamed to see how “gross” I looked. I was a pre-teen then.

One failure seemed to unravel any progress or good habits I had formed because if I failed it once, I “would probably never succeed anyway.”

I had a LOT of lies tear me up over the years.

Maybe if I Flirt?

I even let boys, friends even, assault me because I thought maybe it was a good sign that they wanted me at all “in my condition of fatness”. And I felt proud of it, until I felt like garbage afterwards, like a used up & worthless rag, to be used & tossed away.

I flirted & dressed inappropriately thinking that if I was too fat to be liked or wanted, I would flirt my way into their hearts. Sex appeal.

But that left me dead inside, like the “ME” hidden behind all those charades was just stuffed away, unimportant, & forgotten. Like I didn’t really matter anyway.

It’s been a long, tough road & one that God has grown me through in MANY ways. (See my Pivotal Post to see what happened with my harmful flirting-for-attention mindset.)

Changing the Script

I thought finding a guy who loves me & then marrying him would solve all of my problems, but I have been married 8 years to a man who dotes on me & gushes over my “gorgeousness” & I STILL struggle believing that he means it sometimes.

Because I am overweight.

I’m not skinny.

I always thought that Healthy => Skinny => Beautiful => Valuable/Lovable.

But that script needs to end.

I Know I’m Not Alone

I know I am not the only one who has had a similar view of themselves.

I see the shameless flirting, crying out to be wanted, needed, & loved.

I see the tugging of the shirts to cover the rolls & never being without a cardigan or hoodie to hide them.

I see the “Sorry for no makeup today” posts, as if they aren’t GORGEOUS JUST THE WAY GOD MADE THEM.

I see the diet posts.

I see the desperation to fit in & look good.

And that motivation needs to stop. (I am speaking to myself here, too.)

Fat Tissue Is Just Fat Tissue

We need to learn to love ourselves. Not in a vain: “Aren’t I the most amazing person in the world? Well, you’re dumb if you disagree!”

No, but we need to realize that our VALUE in NOT wrapped up in how many POUNDS of fat tissue we have on our bodies!!

Fat is JUST FAT.

Watch Out for the Pendulum Swing!

Now, let’s not allow that pendulum swing go the opposite way of saying, “Who cares if I am unhealthy because I am valuable as is!”

We should strive to be good stewards of the bodies God has gifted us with. We need to care about our HEALTH.

But we need to care about our HEALTH & NOT our FAT/LOOKS.

We need to learn to see Healthy = Energy, strength, alertness, less sluggishness, & more adventure!

Your BODY Loves HEALTHY

Being healthy does NOT make you more or less VALUABLE. It just makes you HEALTHY.

Your body will LOVE your efforts to eat clean, eat healthy portions, avoid junk food, get sunshine, MOVE, etc. Your body will appreciate those efforts & will thank you for it!

But EVEN IF you never get healthy, YOU ARE STILL GORGEOUS & LOVABLE & VALUABLE.

God Sees YOU First… Not the Number on Your Scale

God doesn’t see you as “less than” if you can’t lose the weight & anyone who doesn’t want to be friends with you just because you have a problem maintaining your health really is not worth pursuing friendship with.

So, hear me on this… LOVE you. Realize GOD LOVES YOU.

You are lovable. You are YOU no matter how many pounds weigh on you.

Be healthy to be healthy & ONLY for that reason. Take care of the body God has given you so that you can get more out of life with energy & strength. Take care of it to keep your body healthy from preventable health risks.

But, give yourself a hug & learn to look at yourself in the mirror every day & say, “GIRL, you’re gorgeous!” And ask God for help if you struggle with that, because He CERTAINLY helped me.

I Am BEAUTIFUL… And So Are YOU

I can now appreciate my smile & my blue eyes & just appreciate God’s design of my face & body in general.

I like my calves & I think my feet are cute. And, as my husband tells me, I like my body proportions that God has given me that will widen or narrow depending on my weight, but are still beautiful regardless of where the number on the scale leans.

I am BEAUTIFUL.

Am I healthy? –Not nearly as I should be, but I am a BEAUTIFUL Work-in-Progress.

A Toast to Loving Your Body As Is AND Striving for Good Health

So, here’s to new ways of thinking about our bodies. Here is to appreciating the features God created. Here is to learning that Healthy does NOT equal Beauty/Worth… Healthy = Energetic, Strong, Alert, HEALTHY.

Shine HOPE by praising God’s design of YOU & others, WHILE working to make your body happy by treating it well.

Not Just a Lean/Strong Body, But a Healed Heart

You see, if the struggle with your body image is not simply a concern for your HEALTH, but rather how WORTHY or valuable you feel… Health is not your only battle… your heart needs healing, too.

If you’re not seeking God’s help healing those inner wounds of the heart, it won’t matter if you lose every ounce of extra body fat. Maintaining your weight will become its own prison for you… It will create NEW problems for you: “What happens if I can’t keep it off? Do people only accept me because of my new body weight? Do they care about ME or my looks???”

Don’t let your motivations to get fit, lose weight, eat healthy… be to feel Pretty, Lovable, Desirable, Valuable…. Do it to make your body Strong, Energized, Alert, & less susceptible to be at risk for health problems later on or even now.

And ALWAYS ask God for help healing your heart & helping you to love yourself NOW & to help guide you to take better care of the body He has gifted you with.

Because YOU’RE WORTH IT… JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, Beautiful!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

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A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

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Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Onyx Necklace

Modern hammered brass necklace features 3 genuine onyx drops.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!