Still a Work in Progress

First, I want to make sure that I clarify something up front… I am NOT writing this because I have got this practice of graciousness down & nor am I confident in consistently getting it right in my attempts to be gracious.

I write to you today as a fellow struggler in this area of graciousness. I write this as someone who needs these reminders just as much as anyone else.

I write this because God makes a way, even when it feels IMPOSSIBLE in our own efforts.

Feeling the Sting

So, graciousness… I can guess, pretty confidently, that I am not the only one who struggles in this area, am I right?

Whether you have felt the sting in your own heart, wanting to prevent showing any sign of grace because of a hurt done to you, or whether you have made a mistake, (even a one time slip up), only to be met with the opposite of graciousness… It affects us all.

And it hurts. A LOT.

Loving Our Enemies (Or People Who Hurt Us) Isn’t Easy!

But God asks us to be gracious to people who have hurt us & even asks us to love & pray for our ENEMIES & to leave justice in God’s able hands.

But that is so hard to do, isn’t it?

Even though, as I pray over & think over this topic, I am reminded of what Jesus suffered through for our sakes (even for those who screamed for His death on the cross), I still found myself wanting justice & for wrongs being righted before I could submit to any form of graciousness.

Right in the Hurt

But God doesn’t want us to withhold grace until it feels deserved. (That sort of defeats the idea of it being considered grace, doesn’t it?)

He wants us to offer grace right in the midst of the hurt.

Because not only did He do the same for us… “For God demonstrates His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us…” (Romans 5:8) But God knows that He has the ability to fill the hole that the hurt left AND He has the ability to strengthen us to love as He loves, even when we don’t have it in ourselves to love that way. He IS SUFFICIENT. His GRACE is sufficient.

But How?!?

But how in the world do we love someone & extend grace to someone who clearly doesn’t deserve it?

Again, I might interject here that Christ knows a little something about that very thing…. But, it’s easy to think, “But… He’s God, so obviously He has more power to overcome that….” More on this in a minute.

The obvious answer is to pray & ask God to calm your heart & soothe the wound the other person inflicted. And to ask Him to right your perspective to love them the way He loves them. And to ask for HIS POWER to help us in being gracious because it feels so impossible to do so in our own strength.

Righting Our Perspective of HIM

But here is the other thing to try.

Not only should we pray for God’s perspective on how to love that other person who is hurting us & to extend grace to them…

But we should ask God to right our perspective about HIM.

The Hurts, Well They HURT!

I was recently faced with a situation that made graciousness seem pretty impossible. I wanted to defend myself & I wanted to resolve the unsettled, unresolved conflict that the other person seemed intent on leaving unresolved, after hurting my heart significantly.

I wanted to avoid that person. I wanted to gossip (but didn’t). I wanted to hide & never try again, afraid of being met with such rejection again.

And that’s what God used to show me the piece of the puzzle that prevented me from extending grace to that person…

Who Do I Live to Please?

I realized that their words were hurting me so much because I was making that person’s opinion of me a god in my life, hinging my emotions, future actions, & view of myself all on their words & opinions.

I was taking God out of His place as my Lord, & placing up there the words of that other person.

As if, if they were not happy with me, then I was “obviously” a failure & should doubt every future action unless it was met with their nod of approval.

I was living to please them, instead of God, & when that didn’t work, everything seemed to fall apart from there.

You see, God did not create me to please everyone. To love them, yes, but not to fashion my life around their whims or opinions.

Jesus Fixed His Eyes on God & Remained Gracious to the End

And that is where I started to find the road back to peace & forgiveness & graciousness.

Although Jesus came to die for the sins of mankind, the people who once praised & followed Him were eventually the ones screaming, “Crucify Him!!”

Talk about OUCH.

But Jesus knew Who God was, & it was not that crowd.

He came to serve God & to live for God’s purposes.

So, when those people screamed to have Him killed, although it hurt His heart, He continued fixing His eyes on God’s will.

Praise Is Nice, As Long As We Don’t Hinge Our Worth Or Actions on It

The praise of others feels nice & reassuring, but when we compromise our efforts of living to please God in order to maintain that praise, we miss the mark & end up in a scramble to keep that praise coming in order to feel secure.

I will make mistakes, undoubtedly. (I am pretty sure it’s a daily occurrence for me!) But as long as I do my best, through reliance on help from God, I cannot let the opinions or words of others become a god in my life.

I need to brush it off & keep my eyes focused on Him.

People are allowed their opinions, but His is the ONLY one that matters. EVER.

And because of that truth, I can learn to be gracious, in making God’s favor my aim.

My Prayer:

Lord God,

It hurts. I hate when others think so low of me, even when I am doing my best. But that is all I can do—my best. Help me to keep my eyes on You & on pleasing You, versus pleasing the fickle hearts & limited understanding that all of us humans possess. Lord, if I focus on making everyone happy & pleased with me, I will be tossed to & fro every day, dizzy from disappointing this person or that. But, God, You have a plan for me. You know where You want me & why. Help me to stay fixed on You in the midst of the arrows that race past me, threatening to disable me & to drown out my light for You. You are KING over all the earth. Help me to make You King in my life & help me to live for You & to be gracious to others. Amen.

Leaning into God When It Hurts

And when we live like that, showing graciousness when it is undeserved, we undoubtedly will shine a light for Him, because human nature screams self-protection & defensiveness & bitterness & even revenge… But God has the strength & power to help us rise above it all, if only we will lean into Him instead of trying to fight our way through it on our own.

Pray for a perspective to love them like God loves them… & pray for a perspective to make God Lord of your life versus the opinions of other humans like you.

Shine Hope, Lovely.

Coming Next Week

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A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

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