“For God Has Not Given Us a Spirit of Fear”

Have you ever heard the words of 2 Timothy 1:7: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind”?

Growing up going to church, I have heard this verse quoted many a time. But oftentimes when quoted, this verse takes on notes of reprimand, as in: “Why are you afraid? God tells us He hasn’t given us a spirit of fear, so you shouldn’t be afraid. So stop it!”

Well, this is very true in that we shouldn’t be afraid, but I think I misunderstood the heart behind this God-given Truth for most of my life.

Not Condemnation, But Fact

I always felt condemnation from that verse, as if ‘how dare you demonstrate or feel fear, you’re obviously not trusting God enough.’

But, if we look at Judges 6 & 7, with the story about Gideon’s fear, we can clearly see that God did not condemn Gideon for his fear, but was patient in revealing His ability to save in the midst of the many reasons he had to fear.

This helped me better understand God’s heart behind 2 Timothy 1:7, not coming with a voice of condemnation, but rather of revealing a fact. In other words, He is telling us that the fear we feel is not something from Him, it is not something we need to feel imprisoned or paralyzed by.

But… GOD–He Is Bigger Than Any Fear I Could Face

Fear may be felt when we face the unknown or when tragedy leaves us feeling broken or when we’re faced with tremendous trials that seem insurmountable… but we can take heart because that fear is not in our design… it’s a natural response of me as a human facing my limitations.

But… God.

That fear isn’t from Him. We don’t HAVE to let it consume us. It’s a message of HOPE, not condemnation!

That even if we face our biggest fear & that fear threatens to envelop & control our joy, our peace, our confidence… we have the ability to say, “No. I will not let this consume me because this isn’t from God, it’s a fleshly response, but God is bigger & greater than me or any fearful situation I may face, so I can trust in Him more than I cave into my fear!”

God Is Patient, Kind, & Understanding with My Fears… But He Doesn’t Want to Let Them Continue to Control the Narrative of My Life

God was so patient with Gideon when he doubted & feared & questioned constantly, as if to say, “who me??? ME?!? Are you sure You’re talking to the right person here, God? Me? I can’t do that… but, if it is really You & You really will help me overcome this great enemy, I can walk in boldness… so show me, confirm for me that it really is Your call… & I will go.”

But then Gideon seemed to pray that a few times during the story… not unlike ME when faced with something I fear. I want to know that I know that I know that it’s HIM calling me to go before I go. I can trust going only if I know it’s Him calling me to go.

And God patiently revealed that it was indeed Him leading the way, assuring Gideon that no matter how scary & daunting & doomsday-approaching his situation might seem, he doesn’t have to be controlled by that fear any longer because God was with him, assuring victory Himself.

Asking for Confirmation Versus Using Delay Tactics

God doesn’t want me to test Him as a delay tactic to avoid obedience to what I already know is His leading… but if the odds seem stacked against me & I have seen something I have tried fail over & over & OVER again… He understands my fear & is willing to patiently reveal His leading to confirm in my heart that it really is Him… so I can walk forward in confident obedience in Him, through Him.

As in my commitment fears before I married my husband. I wanted to get married, but I was so scared of the future uncertainties. I wanted to trust God to be leading me, but I needed to know it was really of Him & not just me WANTING it to be Him.

And God reassured in many ways as He led the way to the alter when I married my husband of now 10 years. So glad I trusted God more than my fears & I am so glad God patiently assured my of His lead MANY times!

Letting My Fear Control Me… Versus Finding Freedom in Trusting Those Fears to HIM

I know this example may seem silly to you, but something I am praying about is whether to volunteer with a foster aid group here on Guam. It seems silly to be afraid to move forward in this, since it’s for a good cause… but my past makes me afraid.

You see, as much as I know He has given me peace beyond the impossible with so many failed attempts for children of my own… He has provided a peace I didn’t think I could possess… but God has used this volunteer opportunity to bring to light the fear I was holding in my heart (unbeknownst to me), tucked deep within my heart.

I have a fear of opening my heart for other people’s children for fear that it will remind me of what I don’t have… children of my own. So I tend to keep them at arm’s length & not interact much or at all with them, for fear of me wanting what I don’t have myself.

My Journey of Childlessness & the Walls of Fear I Have Built

You see, I have had tests done. I have taken supplements & Chinese herbs prescribed in Japan. I have, in my past, done countless ovulation tests & temperature-taking charts. I have felt the joy of expectation & hope only to realize it wasn’t going to happen again this time either….

In fact, the stress of continual disappointment became so constant & discouraging that I had to just give up on all the charting & checking & testing & just say to God, “God, if You want it to happen, I am just going to just trust You to make it happen in Your timing, & if not, then… not. Help me to trust You no matter what & in whatever timing. Amen.”

But then more years passed & no children came.

And what I didn’t notice was that in all of that heartache, I had subconsciously begun to build a wall of protection around my heart to protect myself.

And sometimes those feelings hit me off guard when I start to let my guard down around friends’ kids. And then I am suddenly knocked off my feet by grief of what may never be.

God Revealed My Hidden Fears So I Could Be Reminded That He Has Not Given Me a Spirit of Fear

This volunteer opportunity revealed to me that while I am not overcome by my sadness, I am also not completely trusting that fear to Him… I am trying to keep other kids at a distance to protect MYSELF versus opening my heart AND trusting Him to care for me.

It is something I need to admit & repent of to God, to say, “I see it now & I am sorry. I see now that I am building a wall around my heart instead of trusting You to protect & care for it. I am trusting me more than You & I am sorry Please help me trust You with my fear more than I hide from my fear.”

And maybe that’s why I feel the nudge to volunteer there… to reveal to me my need to let go myself & let God take care of my heart & my fears instead. Maybe He is whispering over my heart: “It’s time to let go of this fear. It’s time to stop letting it control you & your willingness to open your heart to children that won’t ever be yours. It’s time to love others & trust My love as sufficient for you, come what may. You don’t have to be held captive by this anymore. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

Does God Condemn My Fear?

God doesn’t condemn my fear. He knows it’s human.

But He also knows I don’t have to be controlled or limited by it because it’s not from Him & He’s big enough for the both of us. He doesn’t want it to have any hold on my whatsoever.

He gives me power to overcome that fear. He gives me His love to conquer & overpower that fear. And He gives me a sound mind of peace & assurance over that fear… because HE IS GREATER.

What a comfort that He is so understanding, so patient & caring, & SO determined to not allow fear to keep me powerless, timid, afraid, & kept at a distance.

I can have confidence walking through my fears because HE is my confidence through them. I don’t have to be afraid. Praise GOD!

Shine HOPE by admitting your fears, taking your fears to Him, & asking for Him to help you overcome with His power, love, & assured peace to move forward… trusting Him more than you do any of your fears.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Flora Baseball Cap (Mexico)

Celebrate summer in style with this hand-embroidered Flora Baseball Cap from Mexico! This adjustable, spring-green, cotton canvas cap features feminine & fun muted pink, cream, & rust floral embroidery on the front right side. One size fits most.

Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Mexico!

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

I Didn’t Plan to Talk About This Today, But Here Goes…

I sat down today, ready to write, with my blog post topic ideas list in hand… but I guess God has something different in store for today.

I struggle with depression & depression is often highly misunderstood & oftentimes avoided by others, as if to say: “it doesn’t make sense to me how you can feel this way, so it makes me uncomfortable being around you when you talk about it.”

But it can also be so easy to allow my depression to take over my life.

With Depression, Life Is Hard… But Hard Doesn’t Have to Equal Bad

It’s true that people seem to default toward gaslighting & downplaying the struggle of depression symptoms, because 1. They don’t understand it, & 2. It makes them uncomfortable that they don’t understand it, but it’s also true that it can be easy to just give in to it & use it as an excuse to avoid life—because, with depression, life is hard.

And, while it’s not great when people try to minimize my struggle, I also have a responsibility to not use that as an excuse to “show people just how hard it really is” & give up… because sometimes that’s the temptation for me.

I Am Losing Some Ground in the Tug of War with Depression

If you have been following my posts recently, it’s probably no surprise to you that my depression symptoms have started to take a stronger grip on me lately–change is hard.

My temporary living space is somewhat depressing (some mold found, new cat litter is terrible at blocking smells in this tiny space, + I have to pretty much start my life completely over here in finding my place in this new space).

Moving is hard & it’s especially hard on the spouse, I would argue, because the one moving for the new job gets to plug right into their new job, while the spouse has to start from scratch & just figure something out every time.

Our moving process was hard this go around as well—with so, so many things that went wrong or fell through (of which it seemed God just stepped in every single time & was like, “Nah, I am going to just make it work out anyway, even though it really shouldn’t be possible at this point.” So effortless for Him when everything was falling apart at the seams, but it wasn’t a fun experience to go through—except in hindsight, seeing all the many ways God came through when there seemed to be no way forward.

So, with all the goodbyes, the suddenness of the move in general, the falling apart at the seams process, to now a depressing tiny apartment for the next month, + now starting my life over… again… well, it’s been pretty rough on me… & I have not handled it so well.

Sometimes, It’s Good to Cry It Out

Crying is cathartic for me. When stress builds up or I have to go through hard things, allowing myself to cry is a release… but lately, I have felt the need to cry almost daily.

My depression symptoms make it hard to function on top of all that I mentioned. I often have brain fog & feel empty & numb, like I’m someone who really cares trapped in a body/brain of an overwhelming “so what, who cares, what’s the point?” It’s maddening because I want to try but I just go into a numb fog where even simple things just feel so much more difficult than normal.

Satan Likes to Twist the Truth

And then, in my weakness, my vulnerability… Satan is at the wait… ready to lace everything with insecurities, highlighting every failure & slump, the reactions of people I care about… reactions even of facial expressions that say, “Really? Again? *sigh*,” & Satan jumps in to remind me, “look, not only is your life harder right now because of your depression symptoms, but you’re burdening everyone you care about. Now their life is harder just having you be a part of it. They shouldn’t have to deal with your problems.”

And, to an extent, he is right. And because satan likes to take truths & twist them, he is ready & waiting to do just that. The truth is, those people do still care about me. Do they like facing my burdens? Probably not. But they would rather have me with those burdens than not have me at all.

So, when people downplay or gaslight me, it just feels like he’s right. Period.

But I have to remember something very important: that whether others get it or not, whether they handle it well or not, whether it’s easy or not… the symptoms are real & they do make my life harder than it should be, but they don’t define me.

Depression & Me

Hard doesn’t have to mean bad.

And that’s my responsibility. I can’t hide behind the hard.

I have to be willing to submit the hard to God versus letting the hard define who I am.

I must determine to take that hard to God & say, “God, I am trapped by this. I feel like I’m drowning in it. I feel like I am ruining everyone else’s life just by existing. Please help me! Help me see that You are still in control! Give me peace that seems impossible! Help me to cling to You versus letting go when it feels easier to let go. Help me trust You come what may. Help shut out the lies of satan. Help me to surrender this struggle to You. Give me courage to step out of my survival mode to try something new—volunteer, a job, a friendship, discipling a young lady, something. Give me a purpose. Show me Your plan & purpose for me here. Hold my head above the water. Help me not to just give up & give in to the weight on me. Help me trust Your strength when I feel I have none left. Help me to be gracious to others who don’t understand or who discount what I say. Help me cling to You & not their understanding or lack thereof. Help me to be willing to go where You lead, even if it doesn’t seem ideal. Show me Your path & light my way & be my Comforter in this storm. Don’t give up on me & don’t let me give up on myself. You are greater. Your love is infinite. I have hope because of these things. I have hope because I know You care always & always have a plan. Guide me & lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. Help me to praise You in my storm. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Don’t Romanticize the Idea of Giving Up–Determine to Cling to HOPE… Sure, Real, Trustworthy HOPE

Sometimes I romanticize giving up (not suicide at this point, but just to stop trying at life), because it seems so ideal to just no longer care so “it doesn’t have to be hard anymore,” but again, that is a twisted lie from Satan..

So I have to be willing to keep fighting by submitting that romanticized “solution” of mine to God’s feet & saying, “God, giving up seems so appealing because it feels so much easier than continuing to care so much, but I know that is a trap & a lie that will lead to even darker & deeper despair, so remind me to lay aside that fantasy to quit & instead fall into You for help, determining to trust You against ALL ODDS. You are enough. Help me to remember that & cling to that NO MATTER WHAT. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Depression Is HARD… Some Won’t Understand It… But God’s Still Got Me… & That’s the TRUTH

Depression is HARD. It annoys me & everyone else around me who has to deal with me not being “cheery enough” to the socially accepted amount. It annoys me that I annoy others. I feel like a failure of a human some days.

But I don’t want to let satan write the script. I don’t want to believe his lies.

I want freedom, but even if not, I want to remember that God is good & He’s got me & He has a plan to use it for my good & His glory. Always. 100%. Even if I can’t see that now. I know it.

Shine hope by determining, against all odds, to trust that God has you in His hand, will care for & comfort you in the storm, & has a plan always to turn it for your good & His glory. Because THAT is the TRUTH.

Say it with me: “You’re done here, satan.”

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Heritage Earrings (Haiti)

Make a fair-trade fashion statement with these totally unique ethically made earrings from Haiti! These hand-beaded Heritage Earrings are reminiscent of delicate butterfly wings with 14k gold-plated studs, eye-catching black & white oval designs, & cascading fringed ends with maroon & gold-tone accents. Every purchase of these stunning earrings helps provide these Artisans in Haiti with safe jobs, fair wages, educational resources, & counseling.

How You Can Help the Artisans:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Idolizing My Comfort Zones

Now this idea of praying for my daily bread, resting in Him, not the storehouse is something I struggle with for sure. I talk a lot about idolizing my comfort zones, & this topic plays right into that.

How Jesus Says to Pray

When visiting Virginia last summer, I attended Grace Baptist Church, where their pastor discussed “The Lord’s Prayer,” as found in Matthew 6:9-13, an example Jesus gave when the disciples asked Him how they ought to pray. (You can watch that sermon series starting, here. That whole series is well worth the listen, even for those who grew up in the church! The series dates are 6/6/21-7/11/21.)

This “Lord’s Prayer,” as it is offered called, demonstrates humility & a need to rely on God in every detail of life. It emphasizes our need for submission under our Almighty God, while teaching us to rely on Him for all of our needs.

It is easy, especially for those like me, to sometimes breeze through the verses almost by memory, not really stopping to consider the weight & wonder of the words Jesus demonstrates to us in this particular prayer.

Daily Bread

One such example of a notion I had always breezed past is found in verse 11, “Give us this day our daily bread.”

Now, at first glance, this seems just “merely” a call for turning to God for our provisions & sustenance, but taking a deeper look, we notice the word “daily.”

This request was not a “give us a storehouse on which we may rely,” but rather a, “help us to daily recognize that our provisions are truly & only from You, God.”

Well, oftentimes I want the storehouse. What about you?

My Daily Bread-Rest in Him, Not the Storehouse

Sure, I know I ought to ask God for my provisions & needs, but what I really want is for Him to provide me a comfortable amount so I have no need to hope on Him for it again every single day.

And when I am required to ask daily, I begin to lose hope versus growing in trust, because when I pray that, I am really wanting Him to place the control back into my hands so I don’t feel as much a need for Him so constantly.

Shame on me.

When Pastor Tim Perrin talked on this topic, (a pastor who I respect a great deal for his sermons that both stir the heart with conviction for a change toward holiness, while also emphasizing that the work can only be done by relying on & leaning into the Holy Spirit for help), I for sure felt that tug of conviction—my true heart was exposed.

Is God Your Backup? Or Your Master?

I like relying on me first & God second… as my backup, if you will… when really, I shouldn’t even be part of the equation at all… I should have my faith wholly & only on Him.

This prayer for daily bread also reveals that clinging to the comfort zones that I am so quick to do.

I start to rely on His provisions more than I rely on my Provider.

I rely on His comforts rather than on Him as my Comforter.

I rely on the blessings versus the One Who Blesses.

Again, shame on me.

Do I treat God more like my backup, my side-kick? Or as the Almighty God, Master & Creator of the Universe, LORD of my life?

You Can Probably See Where My Heart Is At

When you follow along with my blog posts, you can most likely see the patterns emerge over time.

The seasons where I am full of hope & vigor to strive after holiness is when I am also plugged into Him as my Vine, while I am but a branch nourished by the Vine. (John 15:5) God calls this “abiding in Him,” relying on Him for wisdom & direction, peace & strength, comfort & enabling me to follow His lead. We do this by praying for everything & submitting to His Word as Truth, walking obediently in His Truth, with His help.

On the other hand, the seasons where you sense the turmoil & stress & resistance in me are most likely when I am relying more on me… more on the storehouse of provisions versus the Provider.

Guess which season I am leaning more into lately?

I Need Him

My heart is convicted. I need more of Him. More praise to Him. More prayers to Him. More reliance on Him. More obedience to Him. More of HIM.

Less of ME.

It is human nature to look out for ourselves: our wants, desires, needs.

But it takes practice to rely on Him for those things & to trust Him to even weed out some of those things as His wisdom & love leads Him to do.

My dependence should be on what HE says I need & relying on HIM to provide it… versus ME.

Making my life about His glory versus mine & my comfort levels.

Because He is worth it. Every time. One hundred percent. Always.

Shine HOPE by trading your reliance on the storehouse for a reliance on your DAILY bread from HIM instead, trusting His love & provision more than what you can control or see on any given day.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Impressions Cosmetics Bag

Carry your cosmetics in style in this spacious, block-printed floral bag with zipper closure. Artisans in India blend ancient Artisan traditions with modern function to handcraft this beautifully practical Impressions Cosmetic Bag with a waterproof nylon interior. Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in India!

How You Can Help the Artisans:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

When Nothing in Life Seems to be Going My Way…

Have you ever asked yourself this question of “Why is my life always hard”? Do you feel like you’re constantly dealt “a bad hand” in life & nothing ever seems to work out & that nothing good ever lasts?

Are you tempted to just give up trying because you don’t think it will work out anyway? Are you expecting to be disappointed yet again? Are you tired of having it seem like everything in your life always goes wrong while nothing ever seems to go right?

I have struggled with those questions. I have let Satan twist & turn negative circumstances so much in my heart that I just easily believe every lie of angry, hurt frustration boil up consistent bitterness within me.

I have asked the question: “Why is my life always hard?!”

It’s Not All Depression’s Fault… & It’s Not All Everyone Else’s Fault

Depression seems to be an ugly monster, for sure, as it can make me so droopy & out of it… but the true enemy is Satan… & my readiness to believe him… as he takes my weakness & twists & exploits it at every opportunity.

And then there’s the sin-torn world I live in, where lows & hardships are inevitable this side of Heaven… & it can be pretty easy to fixate on everything wrong with culture & sin….

It seems justifiable & reasonable to blame my depression… & satan’s exploitation of it… & the sin in the world, shown through all the wrongs in this world… & wrongs people commit against me personally.

BUT, another UNDENIABLE, yet often overlooked culprit for turbulent times of my life… is my own pride.

How Does My Pride Have Anything to Do with Feeling So Unsatisfied in Life?

I want things to be easy. I don’t like to struggle. I don’t like the effects of sin in this world (or its pull on my own heart). I don’t like depression or feeling Satan kick me when I’m down. I don’t like it when people wrong me or when things just don’t seem to be able to ever work out in my favor.

I don’t like facing hard things in life!

And, in facing all of the moments of dissatisfaction or disappointment, leading to sprouting bitterness… if I am completely honest with myself, & with God, I can see my pride welling up within me.

I think I know what I want… what I deserve… what I have a right to… what others seem to easily have with no problem while I struggle fruitlessly… I see the smiling faces of social media & how everyone else seems to get the life they want… so why can’t I?

My pride tells me: “I deserve!” “I earned it!” “Everyone else gets it!” “I want that life/success, too!”

My Ideal… Based on MY Ideal

I don’t know about you, but I had built up an understanding of what it would look like for me to “make it” in this world.

I wanted a job full of “well done!” accolades… a reputation of respect for my diligent hard work… to prove I was smart & capable enough.

I wanted to get married & feel loved despite all my flaws that others had implied were unlovable… to prove them all wrong.

I wanted to have kids & have my ideal little family with inside jokes born of silliness, family game nights, & adventures… I wanted to be a mom that my children respected & adored, who could someday be their best friend when they were grown with families of their own… to prove I could be a good mom.

I wanted to be admired & liked & to prove to everyone that I was good enough… but that was all based on MY ideal versus seeking GOD’s plan & will for my life.

I Need to be Willing to Let Him Change My Mind… & My Path… For HIS Glory, Not Mine

And that struggle born of childhood ideals didn’t end there… I faced it again leaving continental America for the first time to Guam with the loneliness that engulfed me… I faced it again when I moved to Hokkaido, where everything was bathed in the stress of a language barrier or culture shock… And again here in Guam again, facing the fear of my past.

My default is to focus on my story being MY story versus HIS… on what isn’t going the way I imagined or wanted or was told I could have because I “earned” or “deserved” or “had a right to” it.

I make my life all about what I think I should get out of it, versus humbly being willing to be shaped & directed by an Almighty God, giving Him the glory no matter my circumstances.

Why Is My Life Always So Hard?

Surrender… I struggle with surrender.

Am I willing to surrender MY ideal for His will?

Am I willing to surrender the way I always thought it would be or should be?

Am I willing to surrender the way I want it?

Am I willing to surrender to something “less than” for God’s leading instead?

Am I willing to give up what I think I should have for what God determines I should have?

Surrender.

And guess what? Until I choose to submit to that one little word, I will remain in my misery.

I have to be willing to get to the point where I lay down all my wants & ideals & determinations & ambitions & desires & what I “deserve” or “have a right to”… & lay it all down in surrender to my loving God who knows better than me.

A Prayer of Surrender

“God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I think it has to be such & such way for me to be happy. I am sorry that I cling to “HAPPY” like an idol or drug to get me through… versus YOU. I’m sorry that I make my wisdom my lord instead of asking for You to have authority in my life. I am sorry I try to make myself equal to or greater than You. Forgive me for my vanity in thinking my wisdom should determine Your actions. Forgive me for thinking I drive my life. Forgive me for making it more about me & not about You. Forgive me for my lack of surrender. Please forgive me. Teach me how to have my satisfaction in You. Teach me how to let You lead & to listen to Your wisdom over my own. Help me know You more & trust You more & love You more. Take my life & let it be all for You. Whether a janitor or a leader, whether well-known or invisible, whether poor or rich, whether respected or rejected, take my all & make it Yours. Help me rejoice in You. Help me live for YOUR GLORY & NOT my own. Help me know how to determine satan’s lies so I can shut him out & cling instead to Your Truth & hope. Thank You for JESUS despite my obvious undeserving. All to You I freely give. Whether I eat or drink, or whatever I do, help me to do it ALL for YOUR GLORY. AMEN.”

Shine HOPE by surrendering your dissatisfaction, bitterness, & disappointments to His working, will, & way.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Mia Hoops (Peru)

Enjoy a modern twist to classic hoops with these unique, oblong, open-hoop earrings. Handcrafted in Peru, these gold-tone Mia Hoops are made in a workshop committed to empowering the next generation with traditional Artisanal skills training. Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Peru.

How You Can Help the Artisans:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

In Everything… Praise Him

Something God has been nudging me about ever since this last September, is the need to intentionally & regularly praise Him.

As I mentioned back around that time (see that post, here), this initial nudge seemed insensitive at best & uncaring or mean at worst. I was facing a trauma I had never before experienced, & when I cried (literally cried) out to God for help facing the hurt, His gentle response was my need to praise Him.

You can possibly see why this response was not so easily received by my heart. I needed comfort & healing from Him, & yet, His response was to offer Him praise?

But, in my stubborn hard-hearted misunderstanding response, I kept praying for help… & His steady response remained the same: I NEED to praise Him.

His Call to Praise Him Expresses His Love for Me?

I came to understand why this call to praise Him was the MOST loving solution He could have offered me. If I turn my eyes from the turmoil tearing apart my heart & intentionally fix my eyes on all of His goodness, mercy, grace, love, power, & the HOPE He offers us… well, that trauma didn’t seem so end-of-the-world painful anymore… & the comfort did indeed begin to replace my fear & hurt.

His call to praise Him was a loving call, because He knew I needed to shift my perspective from the trauma to HIM.

So, this journey, this CALL to praise did not end there. It has been echoed repeatedly in my heart ever since. “Michelle, you NEED to praise Him.”

He Keeps Calling Me

I feel tired. Moving is hard & I don’t need to tell that to anyone who has experienced it before. The goodbyes, the letting go of belongings for an easier move, the lasts, & the heading into the unknowns… all of it is hard. Not to mention all of the logistics & juggling a life where all of your routines, habits, etc. have just been tossed in the air to land as they may.

Life becomes a mess of upheaval during a move. Nothing is where you left it because everything has been moved. You don’t have a home to go to after all the long travels. Plus, adding logistics for moving with a pet during a time when most airlines no longer fly pets internationally.

It’s stressful!

All of the emotions that come along with the stress just make it a hard time.

And you know what? This call to praise Him keeps echoing along the way.

I Grew Up Singing, So Why Does This Feel So Difficult?

I grew up in choir. I was in choir in elementary school, then in youth choir at church, to choirs all along the way as we have moved since I got married in 2012.

In fact, choir life has been so engrained in me, that my middle sis & I used to sing all the way home after practice each week—turning nursery rhymes into Broadway-worthy renditions (okay, maybe that’s being a BIT generous—but we would dramatize any nursery rhymes by belting them out dramatically, with dramatic hand gestures & choreography of course).

I love singing. It just lifts me out of the moment & just floods my heart with joy to escape the present situation or circumstances. I even sing to my cat sometimes….

But somehow, I feel devoid of song. I feel numb-ish. I feel stubborn & selfish & clinging to comforts more often than I cling to God.

The Danger of Relying on Comforts to Ease You… Over Turning to God

The red flags are there… I have grown colder recently… withdrawing into temporary comforts versus turning to God for help in every little thing… Relying more on what He has blessed me with than on Him.

And because of this, I have grown ungrateful. I am easily irritated. I get frustrated when things don’t work out the way I visualized. I complain. I mope. I withdraw. And I can feel Satan coupling that with my struggle with depression, threatening to pull me under by the weight of it.

But I know the warning signs now. I’ve been through this before. I see his tricks. I am not falling for it. Not this time.

And God continues to gently nudge: “Michelle, you need to praise Me.”

I NEED to Praise Him

Praise is non-negotiable. And it’s not something we ought to reserve for celebrations.

Our hearts NEED to be REGULARLY re-calibrated to set our focus on HIM. We NEED this.

I know. I need to kick satan right in the jaw by intentionally & regularly turning my eyes from ME-centered to GOD-centered, & not just fixing my eyes on Him, but PRAISING Him come rain or shine!

Praise God!

I need to get back to praising God—even (& ESPECIALLY) when I don’t feel like it!

I need to get back to praising God—INTENTIONALLY & on purpose–Regularly!

My heart is bleeding. I am wounded by the stressors. I am weak.

And if I don’t fix my eyes on Him in PRAISE, satan will not hesitate to twist all of that into a whirlwind of defeated despair through the aid of my predisposition for depression.

I need to praise God.

You need to praise God.

Give Thanks to the Lord, for He Is Good! His Love Endures Forever! (Psalm 118:1)

We need to be intentional on lifting up praise to Him, thanking Him for His salvation through Jesus, for paying our debt & being our Way to God, despite our sin.

We need to thank Him for His many blessings, even & especially in the midst of really hard times.

We need to humble our hearts & lift Him up instead.

We need to fix our eyes on Jesus.

In EVERYTHING, Praise the Lord!

So, if you are down… If you feel beaten up… If you feel little (or big) stressors wearing you down… If someone you know is irking your nerves… If you’ve been hurt or are struggling with trauma… if you’re stressed beyond sanity….

If you are happy, overjoyed, & everything seems to be going your way…

If you are ____________________…

PRAISE HIM.

Intentionally… Regularly… Even when you least feel like it… PRAISE HIM.

Shine HOPE by praising God from whom all blessings flow! Maker of Heaven & Earth! Eternal, All-Knowing, All-Powerful, REDEEMER!

PRAISE HIM!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Daisy Anklet (Thailand)

Add a touch of summer to your ankle with this feminine & fun, stretch-to-fit Daisy Anklet from Thailand. Handcrafted with delicate, muted blue, matte glass beads, each anklet features three white & gold, hand-beaded daisy flowers. Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Thailand!

How You Can Help the Artisans:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Parenting Is No Easy Task

Parenting is hard work. It comes with many blessings, for sure, but it cannot be denied that it takes intentional effort & investment into the lives of the littles in your care.

I may not seem qualified at all to talk about parenting, having no children of my own, but I do know that as a fellow human, even without the extra challenges of motherhood, life is hard sometimes & I need God’s help.

Even knowing I need His help, I so often struggle doing life on my own without seeking God’s help right away, & I often see mothers struggle the same way… getting exhausted & losing their cool, sinking in stress, not considering the role God must have in the parenting journey.

I don’t know about you, but it’s much easier for me to react to situations versus prayerfully respond, & I can guess with fair certainty that if I were a mother, that would not immediately change.

God Is with You… Be Still & Know That HE Is GOD

So, I am here to remind you that you don’t have to do it alone.

Even if you have a spouse who doesn’t help out or a father who is out of the picture… even if friends & family don’t come around you… you don’t have to do it alone.

Even on nights where tears of frustration &/or exhaustion are your only companion… you don’t have to do it alone.

Even when the nerves are shot & nothing seems to work & “it’s just the way it is” & it’s the last straw… you don’t have to do it alone….

There IS hope.

Our Struggle Does Not Define Us or Our Lives… God Is Able

Consider my depression. If I am not careful, it becomes my identity, much like mothers who assume the identity of a tired, frayed, can’t-handle-it mom. Our struggles can begin to cling on to our lives like a label of reality we can’t escape.

But God is GOD. He is ALMIGHTY. He is ALL-WISE, ALL-KNOWLEDGEABLE, & ALL-POWERFUL… AND, to top it all off, His actions, His very being is defined by His LOVE.

He can move in the impossible. He can work solutions that weren’t even considered. He can make things happen where there seems no hope &/or no solution.

You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t have to be able to control every action or behavior. You don’t have to live feeling like a failure.

You have HIM.

Surrender Your Parenting to Him

Surrender ‘those’ days & ‘those’ nights to Him.

Surrender that stress to Him.

Surrender your anxiety & frustrations to Him.

Surrender the “it’s just the way it is” thoughts to Him.

Surrender your parenting to Him.

“HOW?!?” …You may ask….

Pray. Talk to Him about it. Lay it down at His feet, opening up your heart & admitting your struggle & need for Him. Admit to Him & to yourself that where you can’t, He can. Where you see no way, He makes a way.

Bow Your Needs to HIM As Your GOD

Ask Him continually & daily in prayers somewhat like this:

“God, I can’t do this. I feel like a terrible Mom right now. I can’t do anything right. I try to teach them & they don’t listen. Chores never end. I am tired & stressed & just feel like a failure! But You are GOD. I am not, but You ARE. Help me. Give me Your peace that goes beyond understanding. Teach me. Grow me. Help me to honor You in how I respond to this. Help me know HOW to respond to this & empower me to do it right! I react but I want to prayerfully respond in a way that honors You, trusting You to help me in it. Help me learn how to do that. Help me parent. Help me surrender my parenting to You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

A Prayer for the Supermom, Too

Maybe you don’t feel stressed with your kids. Maybe you feel capable & strong & like you know what you’re doing. Let me give you another call—surrender that to Him, too.

What seems wise to us is often foolishness to God. It seems right in our own eyes, but we don’t see the whole picture. Only God does. So surrender that capableness to Him, too.

“God, I feel like I have a pretty good handle on this parenting thing, but I want You running the show. I want You guiding my words & my actions & the lessons I teach—not human wisdom… YOURS. Help humble me & allow me to listen for Your guidance over my own. Help me to slow down & bow to Your leading. Thank You for Your patience with me & that You always know best, even when I think I do. Thank You that I can always trust You. Help me trust in that better & to lead with You as my guide… not me. In Jesus’ name, I pray, AMEN.”

The Importance of Intentionally Surrendered Parenting

Some days will be hard. Some days it will feel easier to just not be intentional… to just take a break from trying. Some days you will feel like supermom.

But every day, you ought to surrender your parenting to Him.

Shine HOPE by determining to INVEST moment-by-moment into Your children, raising them up in the way they should go… BY & THROUGH prayer & a surrender to Him in it ALL.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Green Tea & Jasmine Soap Bar

Make every day a spa day for someone you love or make this month a little sweeter & treat yourself to the refreshing natural floral scent & cleansing benefits of our Green Tea & Jasmine Soap Bar from India. Made with essential oils of Green Tea & Jasmine blended with moisturizing natural coconut oil, olive oil, & shea butter, this luxurious soap will delight your senses!

In India, many women in traditional communities still struggle to overcome centuries of gender discrimination. Women are often discouraged from working outside the home. Women with disabilities are often further marginalized by society, making it even more difficult for them to find dignified work & making them even more vulnerable to exploitation by sweatshops. But through your purchase, these artisans are given opportunities to overcome these obstacles & succeed!

How You Can Help the Artisans:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

It’s My Life

Doesn’t it make sense that I would be the main character of MY life? Why would it be any different? It’s MY life, after all… right?

That’s what we grow up hearing, isn’t it? To “live our best life” & “be true to you”. Everything we hear in culture reinforces this idea of it being MY life to live to its fullest.

Even in my walk with learning to lean on & trust in Jesus more each year, I typically frame my life experiences & life lessons around how it grows ME & how it benefits ME.

Now, of course, EVERYTHING God does, from Creation to Jesus is designed for my benefit, but I would be terribly wrong to believe my life is about ME & not about HIM.

Made in His Image

We were made in God’s image… to reflect HIM.

We were made to give Him glory, to glorify Him in EVERYTHING. And as I have talked of this before, this is not arrogance or self-indulgence on His part, but rather gracious, relentless LOVE because He knows that He ALONE is the source of hope we are all seeking & yearning for… the HOPE we NEED—because we ALL deserve Hell & it is our default destination… without JESUS.

So, in giving Him the glory, in pointing to Him as our hope in every situation in life, we are in turn pointing everyone to the only true source of HOPE.

When we glorify God, we point others to HOPE.

And so, it stands to reason that our main reason for existence… our main mission… our ONLY real mission… is to GIVE GOD GLORY.

I’m Missing the Mark

We are not the main characters of our individual lives. We are but the supporting roles to HIS STORY—And until I understand that to my very core, I will be missing the mark.

No wonder the anxiety our culture experiences! A life where we are the main focus leads us ever-searching for that next benefit, next comfort, next thing to give our life meaning & depth & happiness.

But a life that seeks to make it ALL about Him, as the supporting role in HIS story, isn’t concerned about seeking out how it benefits ME but how it benefits HIM.

My self-focus, even in well-meaning “desire for personal growth,” leads also to an ungrateful heart because it makes it all about ME & when something doesn’t seem to benefit ME, it makes me feel snubbed.

Not Easy, but Purposeful

We sing a lot about God being “our Mountain Mover” & how He has a solution & a fix for us, so just keep holding on, etc. etc., but let’s be careful to think about how we frame the context of those phrases.

He of course is a Mountain Mover, but that doesn’t mean His goal is to maintain our certain level of comfort moving mountains to maintain that for us.

In reading the Bible, we can clearly see this is not the reality. People were imprisoned, wrongly accused, betrayed, beheaded, etc. But even when God didn’t get them out of their troubles, “moving mountains for them,” He did give them inexplicable PEACE in the midst of it & moved mountains by reaching the hardened hearts that previously rejected God with hatred. He softened hearts & changed perspectives. Not every mountain moved was to maintain comfort, but to bring HOPE.

He changed lives & infused them with HOPE.

And the disciples didn’t get it easy. They didn’t have everything tied in a pretty bow, made comfortable & easy with everyone loving & accepting them. But they had peace where peace made no sense & they trusted that no matter how little it seemed to benefit them, God had a plan for His glory… to bring HOPE to the hopeless.

Am I the Main Character of My Story?

Let that be my heart cry! Let that be my focus! Let me make HIM the main character of “my” story… because all of our stories are really His anyway.

What does your life speak about Him? What does it tell others about Who He is?

Is He the main character in your story? Or are you?

How does your life point others to the hope He offers through Jesus & when you die, will others know Jesus because of the time you lived on this earth?

Who is the main character in your story?

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Botanica Charms Set

This set of six pairs of versatile jade, Acacia wood, ethically collected bone, tassel, & metal charms are handcrafted in India by Artisans who are committed to fighting child marriage & providing opportunities for women to become financially independent as fair-trade Artisans. Every purchase supports vulnerable women in areas of extreme poverty in India.

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win! Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

A Hardening Heart Toward God

If I’m completely honest with you, I have noticed my heart hardening toward God over the last year or so.

It’s not that I don’t pray. I still read my Bible before bed every night. I go to Bible Study with other ladies. I keep up with my blog to honor Him even on days I’d rather be lazy.

I still see Him work in my life. I still ask for His help. I still feel Him near me, caring for me… even when I fail… a lot.

But I have grown cold. Selfish. Hard-hearted. Coveting of spending time the way I want or eating what I want or staying in the bubble of my comfort zone… Living my life for me… & not for Him.

I see it. I feel it. And yet, I don’t want to change it.

I Need to Diligently Spend More Time with Him & Seek after Him

There’s even a nudging on my heart as to the cause of it… a beckoning & a welcoming whisper to the security, safety, peace, & joy I felt when I spent more time with Him. In fact, the more time I spent talking with Him & seeking Him through reading & studying the Bible, the more those things seemed to define the state of my heart.

And I know I need more of it. I know my lack of pursuit of Him is what is slowly draining the joy & peace & eagerness out of my heart.

I need to seek Him more. I need to submit my heart to Him & spend time in His presence, through prayer & reading His Word, the Bible. I need to make HIM my daily focus… Not Me.

But I don’t want to do anything about it.

When My Life Is All about Me & Not about Jesus

It makes me feel ashamed even to admit it out loud that I have started to make my life more about me & not so much about Him.

Consider my anxieties that flooded my life when I heard we’re moving next month. Or the anxiety I feel when I think someone might ask something of me that may take away from my preferred use of free time.

Selfishness has begun to replace a pursuit of holiness.

Those anxieties should have been replaced by humbled willingness to see how they can be used to shine His light & honor & please Him, but all I could think about was the hassle & not having things go my way.

And I know it. And I feel no desire to change it, even though my heart aches & pleads for me to do so, to redeem the heart of peace & joy & love I felt when I did pursue Him more.

I Would Rather Have Hard Times with Him

I feel like the only way God is going to get through to me again is by letting me go through something hard. I feel trapped by the sinful, selfish hard-heartedness I seem to be clinging to.

It’s true that going through hard things is, well, hard. But if it gets my attention back on what matters & shakes me out of this selfish pattern of self-destruction, then I welcome it.

I wish I could recognize that reality, allow that to be all I need, & change course before it happens so I can experience that joy again without the trial first, but I just don’t want to change & I would rather hurt facing a hard lesson & readjust, than keep on this trajectory of self-absorbed destruction.

A Prayer of Repentance

“Lord, forgive me. I am so selfish & self-absorbed. I want my life to be about me, where I am the main character & everything happens to benefit or please me. I want everything to go my way & be comfortable. I don’t want things in my life that don’t cultivate comfort for me. Please forgive me. I don’t know why You even put up with me at this point. How many times must I learn this lesson? How many times do I need to be reminded that You are beyond worth losing literally any & everything? Why must I always cycle back to needing this lesson again & again? I don’t understand Your level of patience & forgiveness & grace & love. I must have long ago used up my ‘deserved’ amount. Please forgive me. Help me find my way back to the peace & joy & eagerness to pursue You in everything I do. Forgive me for making ME the main character, when the main character is, was, & always will be You. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Shine HOPE by trusting that God will continue to pursue you, even when you stop pursuing Him, & by knowing you can always turn around back to Him & find Him waiting with open arms.…

Don’t hesitate to run into those arms.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Journey Backpack

This genuine leather Journey Backpack is handcrafted by Artisans in India who wash, tumble, & vegetable-tan the leather to create a vintage well-loved look & feel. With its versatile, hands-free design, varying neutral shades of weathered cognac brown, & double-stitched reinforced construction, this backpack is a must-have fair-trade “carry-all” for anyone!

Get one for yourself & empower women artisans in India out of poverty. <3

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win! Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Are We Bearing Consequences We Could Have Avoided If We Had Sought God First?

Have you ever considered the consequences of seemingly inconsequential decisions to just act as most do on something versus stopping to ask God first?

Maybe your decision or solution is simply that of what generations of people have always done in that situation–like going to the doctor when you’re sick… maybe it just seems logical & reasonable like seeking an ally in battle… maybe it doesn’t seem any serious offense like pride, arrogance, or rebellion against God.

That’s how it typically goes for me anyway. I don’t think of it as being prideful or distrusting of God–I’m just acting on what I know to do from past experiences or the advice of those before me.

I don’t think of it as pride to go to the doctor when I am sick. I don’t think of it as turning my back on God when I ask for a friend’s help in crisis. It’s just what what one typically does in those situations.

My Hope Is in the LORD! … Do I Act Like It?

But then this little verse in 2 Chronicles 16 just has to throw a wrench into everything I believe to be reasonable.

“Because you have relied on the king of Syria, & have not relied on the Lord your God, therefore the army of the king of Syria has escaped from your hand.” (2 Chronicles 16:7)

Now. I don’t believe God’s intent with this statement was to throw a temper tantrum of rage, but rather to say, “I could have helped you, but you didn’t even ask me… you went somewhere else for help instead, & because of that decision, you won’t get the help you so desperately sought from other sources.”

God is our hope. Not just our SOURCE of hope… He IS our hope.

He wants us to come to Him as our solution, as our top priority, as our first inclination right off the start.

He knows He can help us & He wants us to know it & seek Him for it as well.

Accepting Sin or Accepting God’s Help for Change?

This also rings true in regard to our sinful habits, ones we think are “just who we are.” Sure, if we act on that assumption (that it’s “just the way we are”), rather than trusting God’s way as best & Him as our help, we won’t find anything else to be true, as we rot from the inside out because of our sin patterns that He passionately wants to help free us from.

But, if we stop to think that although, from our very core, we feel our gut instinct inescapably true, that maybe just maybe the God who created the universe might just MIGHT know better & we stop to ask for HIS way & will & help knowing HOW…. We’ll find the solution we seek in Him.

He Needs to be My First Go-To

God alone knows everything & God alone knows every solution, so why is my gut instinct not to go to God first for everything?

Before I search online for answers.

Before I ask a friend for their thoughts.

Before I ask my parents for advice.

Before I go to a doctor or any professional for help.

Before anything, my first instinct ought to be to seek God’s help, wisdom, & direction.

God Knows What I Cannot See

Maybe He knows I will be ripped off by the person I am inclined to seek help from… maybe they won’t have the skill needed to detect &/or prevent an impending health concern… maybe they are just best-guessing based on previous evidences…?

But God? He only does for my good. He knows exactly who I need to go to. He doesn’t have to guess. EVER.

So why is He not my first go-to for help?

How many times has my life been negatively affected because I did exactly what King Asa of Judah did in 2 Chronicles 16 in going to someone or something else before or instead of going to God?

WAIT on the LORD

Those verses to “wait on the Lord” (Psalm 27:14)… to acknowledge Him [as GOD] in all I do (Proverbs 3:5-6)… to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17)… to be still & know that He is God (Psalm 46:10)…

They all beckon me to not just pray as an extra measure or as a last resort, but to sit in prayer, to sit in it & wait on Him, knowing I can go elsewhere, but with HIM, I can be certain… that I ought to wait on Him.

I think a big reason I do everything else before consulting Him is the wait. I see a need & think it must be solved now. My gut instinct is not to see a need & WAIT, even knowing a wait for God is more effective than a quick maybe solution.

God has perfect timing & even His wait is because He knows the circumstances that need to line up just so & that rushing it will not allow for that.

Maybe He guides to go to the hospital, but He doesn’t tell you right away because the doctor who will know & see the real cause/need isn’t working the day you ask God for help & God waits so you see the right doctor… we don’t know.

But we can know that HE knows. And He alone KNOWS—even the TIMING... Even when the wait is frustrating &/or scary.

Trust Him in the wait.

Shame on Me

Shame on me for thinking any other person, even a professional, could trump an all-knowing, all-wise, all-powerful GOD ALMIGHTY.

Shame on me for just jumping to fix it myself as if He doesn’t know better & have perfect timing in all He does.

Shame on me for making myself higher than Him in my heart, as the authority in those decisions–even those decisions not to wait.

My Prayer

“God, I know You get it. You know I am so limited in understanding just how powerful & great You are. I know You are patient & long-suffering. But please forgive me for thinking I might be able to fix it sooner/better than You-for making You lower than You are. I’m sorry for making myself god over seeking You first. Please forgive my pride & foolishness. Please forgive me & help prompt my heart when I am doing it so I remember, ‘oh yeah, pray first.. let GOD.’ Help me change my patterns to stop & consult You before anyone else. Help me recognize that You offer Your wisdom to those who ask & keep asking (not asking a lot to “activate” it, but asking a lot as in a determination to KEEP trusting You even when it doesn’t happen when I think it should). You alone are God. You alone know. Please forgive me & help me grow in awareness & humility… & help me change this bad & prideful habit. In Jesus’ loving & powerful name, Amen.”

“Because You Sought ______ Versus Me….”

Is God your go-to? Is He the One you instantly think to go to first?

Is He the first One you trust to have the answer? Even in timing that isn’t your own? –the ONLY One you trust to have the perfect, RIGHT answer? Even above professionals?

Or is He supplemental or a last resort?

How do you treat the need for the help of God? Is it an “ABSOLUTELY” or a “sometimes”?

Take a moment to take stock of those times & lay them before Him in humble repentance, asking for His forgiveness that He is always so quick to give. And ask for His help to humbly do better at seeking Him first in ALL things.

Remember King Asa & Seek the LORD

Remember 2 Chronicles 16 next time you are faced with an opportunity to see a doctor or seek help in some other way. Will you seek your hope in Him? Or will you pay the consequences of missing out on His wisdom, direction, & aid as told in 2 Chronicles 16?

Will you choose to trust Him, or will it be said, “Because you sought ________________, versus Me…”?

Shine HOPE by making Him your first choice & your first instinctive go-to when you need anything in life, big or small. Because He alone KNOWS.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

–> Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week! <–

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts!***)

This blog/website has been running for almost FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Northern Lights Studs

These studs hold labradorite stone, displaying multiple captivating colors that vary in different exposures to light, just like the Northern Lights themselves.

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase these studs & empower a woman in India!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

I Wanna Do It

It’s not easy for me to stop & be still & just know that HE is God.

When I am faced with something difficult, my trust is not so easily placed in the hands of God… I want to fix it… I want a say… I want to help (so it goes my way—as if I can make it happen that way).

I have realized lately just how much this reveals a lack of trust in God… that it’s easy to know I ought to trust God in all things… & quite a bit more difficult to actually rest in that trust when hard things come my way.

I Know What to Do… But That Doesn’t Mean I Necessarily Submit to Doing What’s Right Every Time

We Christians receive a lot of flak for being hypocrites… & often for good reason.

There are areas of my life where I have seen God work in situations I felt were impossible, teaching me to further rest in Him when similar circumstances arise… but when I am faced with something new, for some reason, my gut response is not to recall all of those other circumstances & thus rest in God’s ability, care, & resources… but for me to start anew by trusting myself first.

It’s Terrifying Sometimes to Entrust Someone Other Than Myself

Trusting God can feel terrifying sometimes because it feels that if I don’t do enough, everything will fail… or at least fail by not going the way I want it to.

Why do I put so much stock in my own efforts & care, even when God has proven Himself faithful & much more capable than I countless times?

More Faith in Him… Or Myself?

This journey of embracing my limitations, while simultaneously embracing the limitless nature of God, is no easy task. It requires me placing more faith in Him than I do myself—& with all the many times He has proven Himself capable while I have often failed, you would think I would be much quicker to jump to God for help.

Learning to Trust God’s Plan More Than What I Can See

My current situation is no different. We are moving to Guam, with little option to bring our cat of 9 years (aka our furbaby) with us.

I want to rest in God & know He has a perfect plan in it all, but instead, all I often feel is worry, afraid that His answer will be something I won’t like & wanting to step in & fix it myself just in case that happens to be so.

How little I trust God!

God Knows What I Don’t—And All He Does Is for Our Good

Even in times where His answer was the exact opposite of how I asked Him to help in a situation, in hindsight, I eventually ALWAYS saw His plan as exceedingly better than mine—no matter how hard it was to trust & follow His way at the time.

For example, when I long ago had to say goodbye to my first love in order to follow God’s leading on my heart, it was the LAST thing I wanted to do, but I see now that my heart wanted someone I was not fit for & that my husband now (who, at the time I didn’t even know existed or whether he would ever come into my life at all) ended up being such a better fit for me & I for him.

God KNOWS what He is doing, even when in MY ”wisdom” He is doing something I want to fight back against.

God KNOWS

God doesn’t have to “best guess” it. He doesn’t have to trial & error it. He just KNOWS.

I know I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. I know every single person has at least a small area where they hold back or try to self-solve, self-shield, or self-soothe in their own limited wisdom, thinking it’s up to them…. as I do….

But I also know I need to not let that become an excuse & that holding onto this control for myself just leads to unnecessary anxiety, fear, stress, & overwhelm… that it keeps me trapped in the facade that I have any true control over my life, ever on the hamster wheel of trying to maintain what’s not up to me to maintain… instead of learning the true rest that comes from trusting God to KNOW.

God Is Patient… God Is Kind

It’s a process. It’s a failing forward.

I don’t always get it right… I most often DON’T get it right the first however many times.

But God is patient & God KNOWS what to do when I am finally willing to come rest at His feet for help… to place the situation in His hands versus gripping onto false control for myself.

A Journey of Embracing My Limitations

If you met me in person, I am sure my highlight reel would be a tempting perspective of me… but I am no different than anyone else… I get it wrong… a lot… I forget to pray for help & usually just act on instinct first instead.

And I am on a journey of ever learning how to embrace my limitations so I can better rest in the limitlessness of God Almighty & His gracious, capable love.

Shine HOPE by learning to accept that God knows more & better… that He can where you can’t… that He wants your GOOD… that even if His solution seems scary or hard, you can rest in knowing that He has a plan, that He knows what He is doing, & ultimately that it’s even for your GOOD. Amen & amen.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for 4 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Long Chain Necklace (India)

Love long chain necklaces? This is the necklace for you. This silver-tone link-chain design is handcrafted in India & is totally on-trend! Wear alone, double up, or layer together with other chain necklaces from our One World Collection, like our Long Chain Necklace – Gold.

Every purchase provides fair trade jobs in areas of extreme poverty in India.

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue supporting them as well as continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!