The Poison of Lust

Since I have recently been sharing specific chains I wrestle with in my life, I thought it would be a good time to focus in on one of them that I struggled with a majority of my life, (yes, even as a pre-teen): LUST.

I was taught in church early on that sex was meant for marriage & was taught this in such a way that it strongly discouraged me from considering sex as a youth.

While I appreciate not having had that particular baggage going into my marriage, I wish this topic had been expanded on a little better, because it left some loopholes that set me up for some addictions I have struggled to shake off my whole life.

Scars of Addiction

Because sex before/outside of marriage was so strongly discouraged at church, as is God’s design, I experienced little of the scars that inevitably arise as a result of disregarding God’s design… scars that so many of my friends have since confided in me about.

But I was not immune to scars from a different source: the growing addiction to fantasies & lust.

I, as human, struggle with a sin nature. I may have accepted Jesus saving me when I was pretty young, but I still struggled: spirit against flesh.

The Righteous Façade

And because I misunderstood God’s character to be all about rules as a Christian, versus His handing us His DESIGNED Truth in the Bible, I grew up pretty “moral” (on the outside).

I learned quickly how to appease parents & Sunday school teachers & church friends by adapting to what was considering “right” behavior… & as long as I felt I displayed that “right” character well enough, I thought my inner thoughts didn’t matter too much.

God says otherwise.

The Secret Struggle

Lust has always been a weak point for me & Satan knew it. He also knew that I incorrectly viewed righteousness by God’s design as “acting like a good person”, making me vulnerable to other attacks of temptation to do things that seemed “less wrong.”

Much like many American women, I secretly struggled against lust.

Many women indulge in pornography & erotica, but little is talked about it.

That was not my particular battle, since both were strongly warned against by my parents at a young age, but instead, I created my own in my mind, using imaginary people in my imaginings… thinking that made it completely okay & following all the right rules before God.

I was wrong.

Matthew 5:27-28 may have been addressing men, but it applies to women as well when it says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

God Knows. God Loves. God Commands–For Our Good

I had been wanting a loophole & Satan gladly provided me with one.

But this “loophole” wasn’t really a loophole at all, because God is not a God of, “JUST MAKE SURE YOU FOLLOW ALL MY RULES IF YOU WANT ME TO ACCEPT YOU!!!” But rather, “I gave you these rules because I know literally EVERYTHING, because I designed EVERYTHING & I know perfectly the best design for how EVERYTHING works best. AND I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER COMPREHEND.”

In other words, did my loophole hurt God’s heart? Yes. Was it a sin against Him? Yes.

It hurts Him because He gave the command FOR MY GOOD & when I don’t trust Him & obey it, I will always end up getting hurt AND hurting others, & He knows it!

How “Innocent” Lust Hurt Me

So, that “loophole” I had roped myself into of not sleeping around & not lusting after actual people… that “loophole” I thought would protect me… DIDN’T. I still got hurt.

It taught & gave me unhealthy standards of love.

It made me think sex was all about the physical & not SO MUCH MORE.

It made me think it was a means to an end, versus an intimacy-growing experience with my husband.

It made me insecure, like maybe my own husband just saw me as a means to an end, versus a wife he cherished & adored.

It made me unable to relax because it wasn’t fake AKA perfectly catered directly to everything I wanted in every way & at every moment.

It left me dissatisfied & disappointed when I had the real thing available with my husband.

It left me addicted. I realized later that because of that 25+ year addiction, I really did struggle not viewing my husband as a means to an end in that area of our marriage, versus the one I truly cherish & adore.

It was a thorn in our marriage that lasted for a big chunk of it so far & I didn’t even realize it was the cause!

God Knew. God Forgave. God Healed.

And God knew all that. He knew the effects of some sin was so subtle that I may not even notice how it was hurting me, but that it WOULD hurt me. So He, in His all-knowing wisdom, TOLD ME (us) NOT TO DO IT.

I wrongly thought it was innocent.

I thought my thoughts were just my thoughts & therefore harmless.

I thought I was alone with my thoughts & that they couldn’t hurt anyone else.

But God knew they were hurting me & as extension, hurting my husband, even if I couldn’t see that they were.

Don’t Turn a Blind Eye to Sin

God had told me “NO.” And I did it anyway because I thought I had found a loophole.

Ladies, the “loophole” is not worth it.

The romance novels… the pornography… the erotica… the fantasies you make up in your own mind… even if they’re not real people… whatever it is you go to… it’s NOT worth it.

It may be easy to justify that “but it’s not sex,” but God doesn’t just warn us about & tell us not to indulge in sex outside of marriage, but also SEXUAL IMMORALITY.

God Can Help You Find Victory to Break the Chains & to HEAL

God also tells us He can help us escape temptation if we are willing to submit & turn to Him for help rather than clinging to our sin & pushing His help aside.

His way is best. Always. 100%.

It’s not about Him trying to be right. He just IS right.

He is not puffed up & trying to show you He’s a know-it-all. He just IS. He literally DOES know it ALL.

So, when He says His THOU SHALT NOTs in the Bible, it’s REALLY Him saying, “I designed & created this world. I know your weaknesses & your vulnerabilities. I know what will hurt you or benefit you. I know EVERYTHING because I existed before time itself. And knowing everything, I sent My Word to be written by men, but inspired by Me, so that YOU would ALSO know how to rest in my loving guidance in all things. All you have to do is trust Me… & obey.”

Why do we fight it? Why do I fight it?

He is always right.

He always knows & He always knows best.

My Prayer Over LUST

“Lord, thank You for revealing this sin in my heart through these past couple of years. Thank You for shining light on it & exposing my actions for what they are: SIN. Please forgive me. Forgive me for excusing it away & justifying it through my “good intentions” & desire to display “good moral behavior.” I didn’t want to listen to You starting back all those years ago as a pre-teen. I was selfish. I was arrogant to think You didn’t know my heart’s true condition. You knew I was just searching for a way to look like a good person while still getting away with whatever I wanted. And now I am wounded & have needed Your healing power & wisdom to heal the wounds on my marriage from this cancer growing within it. Thank You for all of the progress You have made happen as I walk with You through it these last couple of years. Thank You for the healing You have given me in this area undoing the damage I inflicted on myself by choosing my way versus Yours for so many years. Help me keep fighting with Your strength. Break those chains. Thank You for the victory You have been giving me in this area over the last year, as You’ve been exposing my sin to me & helping me weed it out of my life. I know I still fail at times, but I see You working in me to build a defense against it the more & more I lean into You through it. Thank You that You care about my marriage & the intimacy that is unique within a marriage. You are a beautiful Master Designer. Help me cling to that masterpiece of a design & to reject anything else that threatens it. Your way or bust. Thank You for helping me & for being so loving & patient with me every step of the way. I love You, always, because You first loved me. AMEN.”

Shine HOPE by kicking the excuses out, (kung fu style), & by clinging to God’s design instead, receiving His help & healing every step of the way!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for over TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Crystal Spring Earrings (from India)

Made from genuine sterling silver & chalcedony stone, these 1″ drop earrings are an easy addition to elevate your outfit.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue supporting them as well as continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

A Faith Displayed by Action

I have heard a lot of different sermons about the verse in James 2,”Faith without works is dead.”

I understand that if we claim to really trust God, we have to be willing to do what He says, trusting that He always knows best.

I also understand that if we’re NOT willing to do what He says, it speaks very little of any faith we might have or claim to have in Him.

Faith Without Obedience Is a Dead End

But it never actually clicked for me that this simple phrase of, “faith without works is dead,” also denotes this idea I have been wrestling with so much lately, that if I have faith enough to ASK God for help overcoming something, it does absolutely nothing for me if I am not also willing to OBEY & follow through with the solution He provides.

With my FAITH, I need to also be willing to OBEY & faith WITHOUT obedience is a dead end.

I can believe in my heart that God is my only true source of hope for healing, wisdom, & power to help in any given situation, but UNLESS I ACT on that faith, it does me absolutely NO good.

That has been my story.

My Story

I have learned, “Wow, okay… God really DOES know everything & has the power to overcome ANYTHING. HE is the source of hope I have been searching for in this!”… to, “So, I need to learn to pray about EVERYTHING! JUST like He tells us to do!” … to, “God PLEASE help me in this!” … to hearing His gentle nudge, an offering to provide me the wisdom or solution I seek, but I hold up my hand & say, “NOPE!”

WHY?!

Why do I resist Him? And why does it seem insurmountable NOT to resist Him?

My Own Roadblock

I am allowing myself to keep on my chains because those chains are all I have known & I crave them like an idol in my life… & removing them means leaving my comfort zone… even if that comfort zone has been hurting me for so long.

(It sort of reminds me of the Israelites, spoken about in Exodus, complaining as they wandered in the desert, wishing they could go back to being SLAVES in Egypt, versus now-FREE men who COULD ask God for help in ANYTHING, but just spent their days merely complaining instead.)

And it’s like in Proverbs 26:11, where it says, “as a dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly”…

I am that dog always returning to my vomit.

I stay trapped because I refuse to OBEY in my faith in God.

Hear me on this, I AM MY OWN ROADBLOCK.

Climbing Uphill Through Molasses

And yet, it feels like I’m climbing uphill through molasses when I try to change.

And that’s where surrender comes in… I need to SURRENDER my chains to His help.

• Whether it’s addictions to eating out or eating convenience…
• Whether it’s skipping exercise because going from stop to go feels so hard…
• Whether it’s filling in every bit of free time versus sitting in stillness with God…
• Whether it’s fantasizing for a quick fix versus growing in intimacy with my husband, the way God intended it…
•  Whether it’s skipping caring for my home because my tv or phone is more entertaining & easier…
• Whether it’s missing out on a FULLER LIFE because of all of these chains versus TRUSTING GOD TO HELP ME OVERCOME THEM.

I have so many chains around my neck, dragging me down & keeping me STUCK.

I Know I Need Him… Now I Just Need to Let Go & Take His Hand…

I have learned to pray about my chains… I have learned that just like the disciples in the boat, as told about in Matthew 8, with the waves crashing around them, fear over-taking them, & Jesus reminding them that He was still in control & a reminder to trust Him… I have learned I NEED to go to Him.

But I also have learned that I NEED to be willing to SURRENDER to His help instead of clinging so tightly to those chains that keep hurting me when He offers His help.

I need to OBEY His call on my heart to leave those chains behind, to take His hand, & to step away from them with His help.

Surrendering to God Is Not Defeat… It’s VICTORY!

I need to SURRENDER.

Surrender seems a word associated with defeat, but with God, surrender leads to the VICTORY we cry out for so desperately… because we aren’t surrendering to a malevolent invader, but to a benevolent & Almighty KING Who counts us as one of His dearest children… exchanging our chains for His riches & goodness.

SURRENDER is VICTORY.

Crying Out to God for a Heart Change–My Chains in Exchange for True Satisfaction in Him

“Lord, I feel trapped. I can try to blame addiction, but I am the real obstacle. My flesh is weak. I want those things I am chained by. I know they hurt me, but I long for them because they’re easy. But they never satisfy me long. And then I search for them again. Like the woman at the well, in John 4, whom You told that anyone who drinks from You will never thirst again… YOU are the ONLY thing that can truly satisfy me. Everything else is empty & fleeting & comes with hidden thorns. Help me trust You enough to not just call out to You for help, but to CLING to You & SURRENDER to Your help. Even if I have to slump to the floor in defeat to keep myself from running to the chains I always cling to & BEG You to keep me from going back to them, HELP ME PLEASE. I don’t want to live in these chains forever. You are the true Overcomer. Help me cling to You & be willing to leave everything else behind. Help me. AMEN.”

Shine Hope by SURRENDERING to His help in breaking your chains.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for over TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Anika Earrings

These silver-plated hammered Anika Earrings are made in India where they get their name from an ancient Sanskrit word meaning “grace & favor”. Add some fun to your wardrobe with these lightweight statement earrings!

Artisan Information:

Women in India still face widespread discrimination that often leads to poverty & exploitation. Your purchase provides opportunities for women to earn sustainable income through creative expression as fair-trade Artisans.

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Let’s Follow Up

So, how are you doing with being still with God?

I know we talked about this in last week’s blog post, but it’s something I feel so terrible at that maybe if I keep talking about it & keep reminding myself I need it… maybe, just maybe, I will stop being so stubborn & just bow my heart to His goodness. And stick with me, because there’s a little more to it.

Why Would I Resist It?

When I stop & think about it, it really does seem pretty silly (coughfoolishcough) of me to even struggle in this area.

But let me be clear, this is not just a struggle to shut down the quiet, it is an addiction to wash out the quiet… It is me not being willing to slump before God & ask for His help because it feels so much easier & immediately gratifying to numb over it.

It’s sin.

I hate to call you out on that if you struggle with it, too, but that’s just the plain truth of it. I don’t like to or want to admit it, but in reality, it is me refusing to give up that ease & comfort of instant gratification for the better that God has in store for me if I surrender to that stillness with God.

What Stillness with God Can Do

God meant & designed stillness with Him to be for our good. It will refresh. It will renew. It will bring healing. It will help us feel closeness with God. It will help us recognize His deep & unconditional love for us. It will boost our confidence (in HIM). It WILL.

But instant gratification is what I have grown up expecting & turning to. Bored? TV. Restless? Phone. Quiet house? Video games. I want to feel good NOW.

And NOT covering up that restlessness & NOT filling every void immediately, is NOT instantly gratifying. In fact, it feels like extra WORK.

I Want to Indulge! I Don’t Want to Listen to God!

And this isn’t the only area of my life where I do this… FOOD is another area I struggle with because I don’t WANT to stop & give up my cravings by asking God to help me with them. I WANT to INDULGE!

And when I was journaling the hindrances to me taking better care of the body God has given me, after writing out a whole list, I came to the realization that the overlying reason I am not improving like I could is because I DON’T WANT TO GIVE UP MY INSTANT GRATIFICATION OF CRAVINGS!

In other words, I KNOW God CAN & WOULD help me… BUT when I am given the opportunity to ask for His help in either being still or making food choices that will more greatly benefit me in the long run… I CHOOSE to ignore His gentle nudges & I FILL my “need” for INSTANT gratification.

It’s sin.

I am CHOOSING to ignore Him because I want what I want instead.

My Selfish Greed, Disguised

This was quite the blow to my lingering, ignored, & relentlessly justified self-righteous view of myself in that, “Oh, but I DO want to change! I DO!” While, when given every opportunity to change WITH GOD’S HELP, I might add… I brush away that little loving nudge (God’s offer to help) & I do whatever I want anyway.

Ouch.

Big ouch.

And now I must face this fact about myself… this selfish, self-centered, stubborn fact about myself… this SIN.

My selfish greed, disguised as good intentions that I never actually act on when given the opportunity & help from God.

Confession to God & Asking for HELP Overcoming My Selfish Heart

“God, You knew this all along about me. I kept “crying out to You to help me” learn to be still… to help me learn how to just be still & KNOW You are God & spend time with You… to help me make better health choices… all the while, whenever You offered Your capable & loving help, I shrugged You off & did what I really wanted instead. God, as Paul said in his letter in Romans 7:15, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” It’s frustrating how simply & easily I am tricked into dismissing You for what hurts me instead. How easily fooled I am by my own selfishness & greed. Please forgive me. Help me give this up, even if You have to pry it from my fingers. HELP ME! I am so selfish that, in the moment, when caught off guard, I know I will immediately grab for quick, easy, immediate gratification. I don’t want to live like that forever. Help me! Break me so You can build me up the way I was designed by You to be, without my sin destroying it. Help me overcome this hurdle of selfish greed. Help me humble myself at Your feet & be willing to loosen my grip so I can give it to You & depend on You instead. You are so much better & so much more satisfying than immediate gratification. Your way is meant for my good. Help me, please. AMEN.”

Reflection:

If you’re honest with yourself, do you have an area in your life where you do this, too?

Do yourself a HUMUNGOUS favor & be willing to pray that prayer from Psalm 139, ”Lord, search me & know me… See if there be any wicked way in me.” Not because HE doesn’t already know those areas (because, trust me, He does), but because sometimes WE are completely blind to our own faults & the strongholds that keep us imprisoned.

Shine Hope by shining light on those areas you maybe refuse to give up to God, by asking for His help in doing so… & then in asking for His help with VICTORY over them, like only He can do. <3

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for over TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Inverted Capiz Earrings

These earrings feature shimmery, creamy white capiz shells, each framed by a black edge.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchase, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Stillness

So much rest & peace is represented in that one word: Stillness.

And yet, it seems near impossible to me on most days… & I don’t even have kids… or a full-time job.

This idea of stillness is often equated with restlessness & boredom to me.

I hate boredom. I eat to avoid boredom. I binge tv to avoid boredom. I waste away entire days on stuff that doesn’t really satisfy or fulfill me from a desperation to avoid boredom.

And yet, that’s not the evoked feeling that was intended when God spoke in Psalms, “Be still.”

Be Still & Know

The powerful Truth in that simple statement is one that is meant to refresh us & comfort us & to assure us that God has everything under control.

It’s a reminder that we’re not made to be able to do it all or handle it all.

It’s a reminder that we are made with limitations… but that He is NOT.

It’s a reminder that we were MADE to NEED HIM.

“Mary Has Chosen What Is Better, & It Will Not Be Taken Away from Her.”

This simple command to “Be still & know” reminds me of Jesus’ response to Martha, in Luke 10, when He visited Mary & Martha. Martha was upset at her sister Mary for not helping with hostess duties. But Jesus gently responded that Mary had made the better choice & that it will not be taken from her.

Mary’s choice? To sit at Jesus’ feet, soaking up His presence & spending time with Him, learning His words & enjoying time with Him.

I Fight Stillness

In that retelling of Mary & Martha with Jesus, I feel like I would be their unknown other sister Michelle (fits because we’re all ‘M’ names, right?), who wants to avoid the stress the duties bring, while also too restless & impatient to sit still & just be with God… wanting instead to time-fill as much as possible, avoiding everything.

Can you relate?

Being still with God is SO HARD for me. I will grab for my phone or the tv remote or game controller or iPad or music or food or text someone or call family or just crawl in bed & avoid it ALL… before I would EVER think to stop & JUST be still with God.

It’s not easy for me at all.

My Stubborn Self-Solutions

That’s why I am completely terrible at abusing a lack of intentional prayer time. Instead of putting aside all distractions to be still with God, I grab for the nearest distraction I can find because stillness makes me restless.

Oh yes, I pray throughout the day, talking to God in my heart over simple things or lifting up requests or praises to Him… AS I am going about my day.

But BEING STILL & just being content to SIT with God? To be STILL with God? NOPE.

I am learning that I can’t continue this way, grabbing for the nearest distractions to fill the empty space.

I NEED that rest. I NEED that reset. I was designed to NEED that stillness… because I was designed to NEED God.

My Desperate, Resistant Prayer

And to be honest, sometimes recognizing that need, in contrast with my strong distaste of restlessness, manifests itself as me having to slump to the floor in surrender to my fight & saying, “GOD, HELP ME! I KNOW I need You! I KNOW it! But I just CAN’T do it! I feel such an impossibly strong pull to fill up the empty space with devices & noise & distractions & it feels impossible to JUST sit. HELP ME. Please. I don’t want to keep giving up. I don’t WANT to be controlled by this addiction to distractions. I WANT to learn how to be still. I WANT to spend time with You. I WANT to be consistent in decompressing & letting You take all of my little nagging insecurities & inadequacies & areas I don’t know how to move forward. I want to stop compressing them & avoiding them & trying to soothe over them. I want to trust YOU with them. I want to recognize YOU ARE GOD. Please help me fight the “NEED” to fill time even if it means slumping to the floor & babbling through a prayer. I want to want You more. Help me stop avoiding stillness with You. Help me embrace it. Help me embrace You. AMEN.”

Letting Go & Letting GOD

I wrote this week’s blog post. I was almost done with it. But I felt the push to hit select all & delete. So, I did. Because I was flowering it more than my reality.

And I had to kneel on the floor at the couch & ask God to help me not just want to quit it all.

I am no wise person with all the answers who gets it right all the time. I am weak & rebellious & self-centered. I avoid my problems rather than turning to God with them. I avoid stillness with God because the stillness makes me uncomfortable.

I am a work in progress.

I Was Made for Stillness

I need Him & that’s okay because I was MADE to need Him.

And so were you.

I need to stop avoiding things that bring me discomfort & I need to stop trying to soothe over them with ignorance… I need to LEAN INTO God & ask Him to help me face what needs to be faced in each day… even if that means that I need to put everything down & on pause… & just sit & be still & know that He is GOD.

So, be praying with me… for me & for yourself… to be willing to BE STILL with God.

Shine HOPE by taking that time to BE STILL with Him & know that HE IS GOD.

Amen & Amen.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for over TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Grace Earrings

These earrings feature gold plated metal around local capiz shell.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchase, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

I Believed a Lie

Why did it take me most of my life to read my Bible consistently, although I trusted in Jesus when I was still a child?

Aside from being naïve to the fact that I could ask for & receive help from God when I didn’t feel like reading (whether from stubborn rebellion, sickness, bad attitude, distractions, lack of time, not wanting to “be told what to do,” etc.) was this subtle lie that has misguided me on countless occasions… All or NOTHING.

I Didn’t Know I Was Believing a Lie

It wasn’t until recently, in the last few years, that I began to even recognize this as a lie or that it was even something I actually believed without being aware of it, which is why it is so important to pray often the much-quoted biblical prayer, “Lord, search me & know me. See if there be any wicked way in me,” (Psalm 139:23-24) because sometimes we’re so fooled that we don’t even realize we’re living based on a lie.

I certainly was…. It made sense to me.

What Is the Lie?

So, what do I mean by it? What is the “All or Nothing” lie?

Quite simply what it sounds like…. Satan convincing us or us convincing ourselves that if we can’t do it all… then we can or should do nothing.

The “All or Nothing” Lie

Do any of these sound familiar to you? They’re all things I have reasoned in my own mind many more times than I care to admit.

“I don’t have time to read 3-4 chapters a night to accomplish reading the Bible in a year. It’s just too much to commit to. It overwhelms me… so I am going to stop reading.”

“I don’t have the time nor the focus to sit still & pray for 30 minutes to an hour. It’s just too much for my attention span to handle! So I won’t take time to pray.”

“I can’t complete all of these lessons for the ladies’ Bible study because I have been busy… so I’ll just not go to the study group at all this week.”

“I can’t possibly solve the world poverty problem & every time I buy something that supports artisans working to be empowered out of poverty, it reminds me of the much greater need & it stresses me out… so I am going to stop buying that stuff.”

“I overeat sometimes, binging on junk food, so I am just going to quit trying to taking care of the body God has designed for & given to me because my failures discourage me too much.”

I Didn’t See It for What It Was

Do you see the pattern in those statements… that if I can’t do it to my expectations, I should just not do it?

Well, for so SO long, I DIDN’T see that pattern at all & I still struggle to recognize it for what it is sometimes.

These reasonings made sense to me. I couldn’t live up to the expectations others put before me (or the ones I placed upon myself after seeing that particular honorable habit modeled in someone else’s life) so I would just not do it at all anymore.

And so often, that’s exactly how Satan operates. Satan likes to convince us that because we can’t do it BIG, we shouldn’t do it at all.

But instead, what if we FIRST asked for God’s help for a starting point & also help in sticking with it… & just start SOMEWHERE with SOMETHING, even if it’s small!

Flipping the Script… Turn it to “All or SOMETHING”

When discouraged that you can’t keep up, try saying instead:

“I don’t feel like I have time or focus or energy to read that much of the Bible at a time, just starting out or for the season of life I am in… but I know that any that I CAN read will benefit me AND honor God, so I will read just a little every day & ask for God’s help in sticking with even that.”

“I don’t feel I can commit that much uninterrupted time praying, but I know that God hears me whether using the restroom, showering, laying in bed, driving, etc. So, I will ask God to remind me consistently to come to Him first in all things big & small for help, leaning into Him through all the highs & lows of life & coming to Him for all requests & praises when it crosses my mind. Any prayer will benefit me & honor God, so I will make a point to at least PRAY in the small moments I get.”

“I don’t feel I can complete my lessons this week for Bible Study, but I will ask God for timing & focus & motivation to do at least what I can of it & if I still fall flat, I will show up anyway knowing that the fellowship will lift me up & the conversation will remind me to come to Him in anything.”

“I can’t solve world poverty/starvation problems, but I can help as God presents me with opportunity. Even a small help is a big help to the person it benefits. So, I will ask God to help me see what my part is & be ready to follow His lead in that part & leave the rest in His hands, praying for those who still suffer.”

“I struggle taking care of my body consistently because of gluttony, versus seeking that fulfillment & satisfaction from God. So, I will ask God for forgiveness & that He help me keep doing little GOOD things for my body even when I fail sometimes.”

Where Have You Believed the Lie of “All or Nothing”?

What examples can you add to those above? Where are you believing the lie that because you can’t do it the way you feel you “should,” that you should just not do it at all?

Where do you need to just START, even if just a little at a time… & where do you need to ask God for help in doing even that small thing?

Shine hope. Start small & let God help you grow as you go.

SUGGESTED RESOURCE:

Something that helped wake me up to this “All or Nothing” lie is the itty bitty book, “The Screwtape Letters” by C.S. Lewis. This short book shows the perspective of demons conversing with one another, deliberating how they might deceive the person they seek to destroy. It was eye-opening & helped teach me to pray for discernment far more often than I was beforehand. Check it out on Amazon, here, or Thriftbooks.com, here.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for over TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Anika Earrings

These silver-plated hammered Anika Earrings are made in India where they get their name from an ancient Sanskrit word meaning “grace & favor”. Add some fun to your wardrobe with these lightweight statement earrings!

Artisan Information:

Women in India still face widespread discrimination that often leads to poverty & exploitation. Your purchase provides opportunities for women to earn sustainable income through creative expression as fair-trade Artisans.

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions allow me to continue this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Trying to Find My Place

Have you ever felt like you don’t measure up to anyone else’s expectations?

Do you ever feel like the oddball? Or is it just me…?

Maybe you feel too loud… or too quiet.

Maybe your interests don’t seem to line up with anyone else’s & you feel like you don’t quite “fit in” anywhere?

Maybe you never were that good at sports or maybe you lack a green thumb or maybe your craft DIY projects look more like a 3-year old who got into the craft supplies.

Maybe everyone else seems to mingle with ease, while you stuff your face with whatever food they have to offer, sitting as far away from the awkward social interactions as possible. (*coughdonethatcough*)

Have you ever felt like the “ugly duckling” of the group? Like you don’t fit in & don’t measure up & just don’t belong anywhere?

I have. Oh, I have.

I grew up feeling super shy. I know, some of you may not believe that, but boy is it true!

I was so desperate to fit in & “belong.”

“Do You Like Me? Check Yes or No.”

I remember being in 4^th grade & I felt so ashamed that I didn’t have a crush on anyone because that seemed to be the talk of every girl on the playground, so I picked a guy at random whom I thought was cute & would “gush” about him so I would feel part of the normal girl crowd.

Lame, I know.

Don’t worry… On the last day of school, since I no longer would have a playground circle of girls discussing their current crushes… I wrote him a note that said I decided I didn’t like him anymore.

OUCH, I know… but honestly, I think he was probably quite relieved because boy were my “love” notes LAME. “Do you like me? Check yes or no.” He ALWAYS checked NO… or more like circled it several times, highlighted it, & drew several arrows toward it. (Okay, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration, but sadly too close to reality, haha.)

My Super Power Is Being Socially Awkward

Maybe you’re thinking, “Well Michelle, that was 4th grade. EVERYONE was awkward at that age.” Well, I wish I could say it stopped back then.

It’s ridiculous the things we can do to be liked, isn’t it? And trust me, the examples of mine did NOT end in 4^th grade, although I REALLY wish I could honestly say that they did.

A majority of my most embarrassing moments, which I can usually laugh about now, were due to me just trying too dang hard to be liked by everyone else.

“Please Like Me!!”

Even my dating years consisted of me trying tirelessly to be the “perfect” girlfriend while trying to NEVER assert my own opinions or feelings, afraid to be considered too much of a burden.

I kept my real self locked away & I tried to be everything they could ever want: flirty, fun, supportive, good listener, funny, laughing at their jokes, agreeing with everything, trying to match my interests to theirs, wanting so badly to just be accepted & wanted, not realizing I wasn’t even giving them a fair chance to do so, locking the real me away.

The silly things we do to be loved. And wanted.

Trying Too Hard

I used to hear things about God’s love for me & never really got it. I would hear that my “identity is in Him & not in me trying to be enough.” I didn’t know what that meant either.

A majority of my life can be summed up by me trying to be what I thought everyone wanted or expected from me… always feeling like I never quite got it right.

Basically, the phrase “trying too hard” was an accurate summary of my life.

It makes people uncomfortable when they can tell you’re trying too hard. And yet, I didn’t feel I was good enough on my own & was always over-compensating.

The Things We Do to be Liked

Maybe you read this & think, “Michelle, you are exaggerating… I have NEVER felt this way about you!” Well, thanks for lying… haha… but really, some of you may be thinking, “Oh yeah, I definitely have gotten that vibe from you. This explains so much.”

But, while I still struggle with insecurity & feeling like I fit in sometimes, I have grown SO MUCH in this area because of one beautiful & simple thing… I started understanding those 2 things I mentioned about God & how that impacts where I “FIT.”

Where We Stand with God

I think a lot of us who grow up in church take for granted “churchy” phrases they may have heard their whole lives, while never really grasping their significance or even their meaning, while those who don’t know Jesus just have no clue, period.

So, let’s take some time to hopefully remind us all, including awkward, lovely me, where we stand with God… to hopefully help us overcome this strong, pulling desire to be liked, wanted, & to fit in with those around us.

How Do We KNOW God Loves Us?

Let’s start at the beginning… the before-the-world-even-BEGAN, beginning. Our Alpha & Omega God.

God knew He was going to make you even then. He knew all the ways you would fail, in the small & big things. He knew. And yet, not only did His plan to make you remain, but He also made sure there would be a plan in place, through Jesus coming to die on our behalf & rise again victorious, to make you right before God again & restore that relationship FOR you. Our Creator, Redeemer God.

Then He made Earth, full of beauty & all you would need to survive, sustaining you & helping you to live a life of JOY. Beautiful sights to behold: sunsets, waterfalls, flowers, animals, stars, oceans, mountains, fish, birds… Smells that delight the senses… Textures that comfort, relax, refresh, invigorate… Sounds that soothe, uplift, encourage, comfort, surprise… Tastes that make you mmmmmmmm. He made all that possible for you to enjoy. Yes, it is broken by sin, but there is still SO MUCH beauty to enjoy. Our Wise, Creative & Lavishing-of-Love God.

How Do We Determine Our TRUE Identity?

Then He made YOU, individual, unique, crafted by hand, knit together in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13-16), designed by GOD. He made not only humanity, but YOU… specifically YOU. Your identity is wrapped up in the fact that He made you with a design & a purpose that He worked out for you ahead of time & that you will discover more as you lean into His guidance & lead… Our Creator & Father God.

AND, He sent Jesus to die on your behalf, before you were even born, so that when you realized your need for Him, He would be ready with open arms to welcome you home… Jesus having paid the price of your rebellion & mistakes & all you have to do is ACCEPT that gift to you. Your identity is wrapped up in His grace for you, paying your debt & making you whole once more. Our Redeemer, Rescuer God.

With You Every Step of Life

AND, He had the Bible written for you. His Word. To us. Instructions, advice, & a story laced throughout with love & redemption for a people prone to wander. A people like you & me. His grace is His message (John 11:25). We can TRUST His Word & OBEY it because it was ALL meant to show us what is the BEST of life. A life lived with trusting love for our All-Knowing, All-Wise, LOVING God.

AND, He doesn’t stop there. He HELPS you with that plan He has just for you… your unique story, written by God. He offers His GRACE. He offers His wisdom & strength & hope & peace & love & joy & guidance & He makes a way. He is MASTER of the IMPOSSIBLE. He turns ashes to beauty (Isaiah 61:3) & He works ALL THINGS together for the GOOD of those who love Him & are trusting His way (Romans 8:28). Our Author, Sustainer, Helping God.

The Grand Splendor Awaits!

And when you die, if you have but accepted God’s fully paid for grace, through Jesus’ sacrifice on your behalf, you are welcomed with OPEN ARMS into a place called Heaven, where there is no more death, no more tears, & no more sadness or grief (Revelation 21:4). A place full of wonder & awe, praising this all-powerful God who loves us so incredibly much. Our King of kings, Lord of lords GOD.

And that is why you can accept His love for you & trust that He’s got you. Because it’s not based at all on whether you are good enough, but that HE IS.

Far Beyond Understanding, But Fulfilling Beyond Words

He LOVES you beyond anything we can ever understanding & so far outside anything another person could try to mimic. He sees you completely, past & present, hidden & revealed, pride & shame, EVERYTHING… & He says, “I love you. Come to me.”

How much FREEDOM this gives us! Hallelujah!

I don’t have to be what I think others want of me… I just have to be who God MADE me to be… & if I don’t know what that is because my whole perception of myself is built up around what others have expected or told me… trauma & fears… & all my mistakes… I (& you) can go to Him & ASK HIM.

Asking God How HE Made Me

“God, I don’t know how you made me, to be honest. This person says I need to be like this & culture says I need to be like that. Friends all do this & society seems to believe this… I don’t know what’s true about me anymore. I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM. God, please show me. If You MADE me, then ONLY YOU would really know who I am & who I am meant to be. Help me sift through the lies. Help me to see the truth… Your design. Help me know how to trust You. Help me see the me You made me to be. I am tired of always trying to live up to everything. It’s exhausting & confusing & feels so fake. Help me know the truth. Set me free from expectations. Help me have the confidence to stand on who YOU say I am & not need anyone or anything else to define me or give me my worth. Help me, please, Father, Creator, Loving GOD. Help me. I love you. AMEN.”

I prayed that more times than I can count growing up. I got so tired of the game to fit in. I didn’t know who I was. I was lost & tired of holding up the façade I thought others expected from me.

I URGE YOU… pray similarly. If you have resonated with a single thing I’ve said today… pray that prayer.

His Word & Design Trump ALL ELSE

Let HIM shape you. Let HIS design define you. Let HIS love for you, a love that could never be used up or exhausted, let it FILL YOU.

You don’t need to impress me because the God who made you is so overwhelmed with love for you that He made you, knowing you’d leave Him, set a plan in place to redeem you, & has a story written singularly just for you, WITH HIS HELP as you lean into Him, all wrapped in His love, strength, hope, joy, grace, wisdom, understanding, & power.

He’s got you, babe. Oh, how He’s got you!

Stand in Confidence!

Let Him love you & then shine His grace to this hurting, bleeding world. It’s THE most valuable use of life to shout the praises of the One who made the world, saved the world, & loves it in His infinite grace, welcoming us all to come & accept His beautiful design & to dismiss the rest of that mess in which we tend to cling to so tightly.

He’s got you.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for over TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Bombolulu Earrings from Kenya

These hammered earrings are made from heavy-gauged metal.

Artisan Information:

In Kenya, where many people struggle with starvation & poverty, the women we partner with are defying the odds! Your purchase empowers these women to earn an income, overcome physical disabilities, & become important parts of their communities!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Kenya!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions allow me to continue encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

What Do Our Actions Say?

Some of you, like I would have, will read the title of this post & immediately say to yourself, “Jesus, of course!”

But, do our actions say we trust Jesus? Or morality/religion?

I grew up in the church. I was taught all the right things to do & to say. I knew the stereotypical answer to every question was ‘JESUS.’

And even though I understood at a young age that I did bad things sometimes (like lie or hit my sister), that those actions separated me from God & made Him unhappy… & that Jesus took my punishment on Himself so that I could be forgiven… I still grew up with a sense of morality guiding my actions, versus trusting in God, through Jesus.

What’s Your Motivator?

Have you ever felt condemnation leading your decisions? Like you didn’t want to make God angry when you messed up, so you did ______________ to help you overcome the shame or guilt you felt?

Or, maybe you felt like as long as you tried to make “good” choices, that’s all God really cared about & you went about making your own decisions & leading your own life your own way, as long as you felt like a good person while doing it?

There are often so many ways that this sometimes subconscious morality motivator has permeated the way that we live life.

Subtle… Subconscious… But So True

So often I didn’t even realize that I was letting morality guide my decisions more than I was actually letting GOD lead my life.

Do you do that, too? Can you think of some examples of this in your own life?

God has really been waking me up to the fact that I do this far too often.

I am often subconsciously letting religion/morality guide me rather than a humble surrender to God, through Jesus… rather than a loving trust in a God who loves us SO much & who is also perfectly reliable, trustworthy, wise, powerful, strong, knowledgeable, etc.!

What Jesus Did Was ENOUGH

Jesus already paid my debt. In full. Forever. I have a zero balance to what I owe God (& good thing, too, because I could never even get close to repaying Him).

I don’t owe God anything. Jesus’ sacrifice was sufficient.

“BUT WAIT,” you might think to yourself, “that doesn’t justify doing wrong & it doesn’t mean you can just live however you want & dishonor God just because your debt is paid!” Exactly right.

But my hope in this post is to bring to light where our motivations are in living a life that honors God.

Ask Yourself These Questions

1. Are you trying to be good enough for Him?

NO NEED. God loves us so fully & completely that nothing can separate us from it nor diminish it, even at our very absolute worst.

2. Are you trying to earn God’s grace?

NO NEED. Jesus paid the debt we owe for our sinful, selfish choices. PAID IN FULL. As long as we accept Jesus’ sacrificial gift on our behalf & place our trust in Him as our hope (rather than ourselves or our ‘good’ actions), then we’re all set there.

3. Are you exhaustively trying to keep an image of perfection?

NO NEED. We need to be pointing to Jesus as our hope IN our human imperfections & limitations.

Human perfection is unattainable. We ALL struggle. We ALL get it wrong sometimes. We ALL make mistakes. We ALL need grace. We ALL need God’s wisdom, strength, comfort, peace, love, grace, hope, courage, power, help, etc. EVERY DAY.

Our weaknesses… HIS GLORY. Don’t live to prove you have it all together. Live honestly in all your human weakness, pointing to & leaning into God every step of the way. Make it all about what HE can do, rather than what YOU can do.

Don’t Get It Twisted

I want to pause to point out how I HUGELY misunderstood Question 3 above.

I thought that BECAUSE I was a Christian, I SHOULD be able to be perfect.

What I didn’t then realize, was that my NEED for Him does not end at salvation (accepting Jesus’ payment for my sins).

Don’t ever think that when the Bible tells us God has given us all we need in order to follow Him well, that we don’t need HIM for & through it all!

You don’t become God when you become a Christian… you just gain full access to His resources. So, don’t neglect to ask for His help!

A Grateful Trust

Those reasons stated in the questions I listed above are NOT the right motivators to live righteously (righteousness is trying to please God & living the way He says is best, in the Bible).

BUT, if we look at those “NO NEED” reasons I just mentioned & instead are living out of GRATEFUL TRUST in our great, loving God, THEN we’re getting it right.

Do You Trust Morality… Or Jesus?

So, where are your motivations? Will you let yourself be honest with YOU & with God? Do you trust morality… or Jesus?

Are you trying to measure up? Are you trying to earn God’s forgiveness/grace? Are you trying to put on a perfect façade so others think you’re doing a good enough job as a Christian?

Or, are you trusting God’s love for you… trusting Jesus’ grace for you… & pointing to Him as your true source of HOPE?

Ask Him Where You’re Not Sure

And if you, like I did for SO LONG, question whether God really does love you that much or how much exactly you could entrust to God or in being vulnerable in pointing to GOD as your hope… ASK GOD for help in even helping you to trust what God says/knows about it.

My Prayer:

Start there. Bow your heart & say something like:

“God, I believe, somehow I believe… but help my unbelief. Help me trust that You really do love me that much. I don’t see it sometimes… I mess up too much & I was so stubborn & rebellious & self-centered & wise-in-my-own-eyes, not trusting You. I STILL struggle sometimes to trust You over myself as my first instinct. So, help me! And Lord, help me to trust Your GRACE. I don’t have to add to it or deserve it. Grace is, by definition, UNDESERVED… & yet You still, though it be undeserved, gave it & offered it to me. Help me to rest in that… to have peace in Your power to overcome my worst & forgive it all & to help me be better step by step. And help me to not make following You about how good I AM as a follower, but rather how inept & foolish & selfish & weak I am in light of how GREAT & AWESOME & INFINITE & LOVING You are. Help me point to You in every weakness, every insecurity, every fear, every doubt, every worry, every stress, every mistake, every shame… we’re all in this together, all making mistakes… so help me to be real & honest with my journey to others so that they can more clearly see YOU, not me. YOU are the hope I should be pointing to in everything. Help me be okay showing my weakness for Your glory. And help me to lean into You through everything… to seek to please You with my life out of gratitude for Your grace. And help me to TRUST You enough to do life YOUR way & to ask You to guide me in it & to help me through it every step because You know I fail often. So, HELP ME. Thank You that You always make Yourself available to us night or day, any time, anywhere & You never for a moment tire of us nor lack the wisdom, grace, strength, comfort, power, etc. that we seek & request of You. Thank You for being our infinite & gentle, kind, patient, & LOVING God. I love You. Help me to know & love You more every day. AMEN.”

Amen & amen.

Check Your Motivators & Shine HOPE

Shine Hope by trusting His love for you (& asking for His help in trusting it if you don’t trust it), by trusting His grace (Jesus paid it ALL), & by living with your heart on your sleeves… Not trying to be perfect, but pointing to the One who IS—Jesus Christ, our only true & real HOPE. Shine HIM. <3

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Mirage Earrings

With just a touch of glimmer these earrings are fun & easy to wear.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to being sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. Through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for artisans & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Meekness… It’s What Bwings Us Togevah Today

So, what is meekness?

The coolest way I have heard this word described was as “power under control.”

You see, God designed our bodies & our minds to do some pretty amazing things. Just think: mathematics, physics, calculus, engineering, artwork, athletics, & SO much more. It’s incredible! (Now, each of us have our strengths & are certainly not gifted in every area, for sure, but as a whole, humanity can create & build tremendous accomplishments, don’t you agree?)

The problem we all seem to struggle with in this grand design of humanity is the simple, yet quite challenging, practice of meekness.

But, I’ve Got This…!

It can be all too easy to see what we can do & run with it, never once inquiring of our great Maker for the best use of our God-given abilities.

We tend to either neglect our gifting, abuse our gifting, or use our gifting for purposes of our own, versus God’s (which, arguably, is the same as abusing it).

We talked last week, in “An Undeserved Grace” that God is 100% perfect in wisdom, understanding, & knowledge.

He also MADE us with incredible gifts! And while none of us possess every gift, we can certainly each use our unique gifts to support one another in love.

And since He is perfect in wisdom, understanding, & knowledge… AND He made us & gave us our gifts… It only stands to reason that the wise choice would be to ask Him to take the lead on how we use our gifts & how we live our lives.

Meekness in a Self-Driven Culture

I always pictured meekness as shyness or maybe timidity is a better word for how I felt. That I should shy away from using or improving my gifting.

And yet, others seem to think their gifting is for their own purposes. We could all stand to learn about having more meekness in a self-driven culture.

Meekness recognizes both boldness AND humility in perfect harmony. It represents the idea that while we know we were given wonderful gifting, they were given for a purpose,

God Just Really Does Know Best

You may be tempted to feel that God is thus trying to control you & limit you, but think of it this way, using it on your own, in your own way is really what is limiting you because you only have limited wisdom, understanding, & knowledge.

God knows PERFECTLY what is best in EVERY circumstance.

So, bowing our gifts to God is recognizing our own limitations, while acknowledging God’s perfect will & plan. It doesn’t mean we hide our strengths, but rather that we trust a perfect God over our imperfect selves to take the lead in our lives.

It is putting Him in the driver seat, allowing Him to act as Driver & Navigator, while we are the car (MADE by God). We let our God-given strengths & skills to be put to better use, trusting our loving Father to take the lead.

“Submission” Is Not a Bad Word

Words like “meekness”, “surrender”, & “submission,” sound scary because it takes control out of our own hands. But in this case, where it is being placed in the hands of ALMIGHTY God/our LOVING Heavenly Father, it is the BEST possible option, meant for both our benefit & that of everyone around us.

But… How…?

How do you become meek? How do you give up control when the “need” for control seems to be in our very nature?

Learning to know & love God more. Asking God to show you how. Asking Him to help you trust His control & to show you areas where you have a white-knuckled grip that needs to let go & let Him.

It’s okay to be terrible at meekness… join the club!

But don’t let it stop there.

Bow your head & heart to God, confess how HARD it is for you, & ask Him for His HELP, knowing how desperately you’re going to need it if you are ever to have success relinquishing control of your own life to God’s able hands & infinite wisdom.

Ask Him & don’t let fear ever keep you from asking.

God’s got you. He loves you. He is able.

Trust Him… And ASK.

Instead of THIS:

X Self-Soothe: Binging TV, food, phone time, or games to avoid stress… Turning to sex, relationships, drugs, alcohol, etc…. to feel better.

X Self-Shield: Defensiveness, avoidance, hatred, slander, gossip, withdrawal, isolation, fear, hidden hurts, not getting close to others… to protect yourself.

X Self-Solve: Stress, Just “dealing with it,” accepting things as is, acting out, coming up with your own solutions, giving up, taking a stand on your own wisdom/timing… to figure out a solution to a problem.

Try THIS:

O PRAY (Ask God) for comfort, healing, help, strength, courage, wisdom, truth & His love to help you feel better.

O PRAY (Ask God) for courage, wisdom, solutions, freedom, victory, strength, humility, meekness to help you fight trials the right way.

O PRAY (Ask God) for wisdom, solutions, direction, guidance, God’s way, patience, understanding through God’s perfect wisdom to help you solve a problem.

Let go & Let God.

Shine HOPE by learning to have a meek, submitted, & surrendered heart & life to our loving God Almighty.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for over TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Grace Earrings

These earrings feature gold plated metal around local capiz shell.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchase, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Playing Superhero

It’s easy for me to want to play superhero. I like feeling as if I have a pretty good handle on my life.

I like routine, with flexibility. The routine helps me feel grounded, but working in space for flexibility allows me to shift gears more easily, being able to tackle unknowns with a little less fluster & a little more calm.

I like control. When it all boils down, what I’m really saying is that I like control.

I am pretty sure I am not alone on this, either.

Balance Is Good, but Leave Room to Trust God FIRST

And for those who feel their schedule has NOT been ironed out yet, leaving them with a little more fluster & a little more flailing through each day… the reason we feel that way is lack of control. We want control. (Also, check out my “Managing Time, with God in Mind” post!)

It’s not that this is a bad thing to want. I am much more stable now that I have bowed my schedule woes to God & asked Him for an overhaul that allows more balance & peace in my schedule. I am much more productive that way.

But there’s a catch.

We cannot grow self-protective in our control over our schedule. We can’t RELY on our schedule & using that control as our source of confidence & peace. We can’t learn to rely on OURSELVES.

A Fresh Example Why Trusting Our Control Doesn’t Work As Well As It Seems

I have talked before about our journey of praying for a baby & how I handled it when God had not yet answered that prayer with a “yes.”

MEANWHILE, I was building a self-protection back-up plan in my heart of, “Well, if God DOESN’T give us a baby, here are all the reasons why that would probably be better ANYWAY.”

This is a natural thing for us to do because the unknown can sometimes be the scariest place to be. We want to think of how to fix the problem in a way that returns that control back to us.

BUT if we’re not careful, that new plan can REPLACE our trust in God, creating a NEW problem in & of itself.

For example, if I built up in my mind all of the ways that pregnancy & parenting would add stress, exhaustion, & hardship into my life, not to mention a more-strained bank account, how do you think I will likely react if God then were to answer us with the, “Yes, you will be parents!” answer we had been previously praying so hard for?

Trading Control for Surrender

My point is this, if our contentment/joy in our schedule, our plans, or our life is based on us having control, we will inevitably lose that façade of control & will be left vulnerable & hurting once again.

We need something MORE than our meager, unreliable means of control over our own lives to base our hope & security.

We NEED to trust GOD.

Surrendering Our Control for HIS Control

In my baby scenario, the healthiest way I could have managed that fear of His “NO” would be if I had turned to Him in the hurt & talked with Him through it, “God, I don’t understand Your “no” & it hurts! I want a baby & I don’t understand why Your plan would not include that for me. I have wanted this phase of life to become reality since I was a young girl, playing with my dolls, dreaming of someday being a Mommy to my own precious child. I want game nights & prayer times. I want to teach them about You. I want to love them SO MUCH. I don’t understand. It hurts. Please help me to trust Your plan in the midst of Your “no” right now. Help me to trust You more than I trust having a baby or not. You are the One who can offer me the most fulfillment, so please help me to see that & to grow in that understanding & love for You & trust in You. Amen.”

(To calm your possible aching hearts, I HAVE since turned my prayer time on this topic toward this direction & God HAS provided me with peace & assurance in Him, no matter the outcome. I can jump for joy with friends becoming new mamas & I can live my days in contentment & purpose, knowing God has my heart in His capable, loving hands, in His perfect & loving plan. Do I still have occasional days where my heart aches? Yes. But this is more the rarity than the norm. He has me & will continue to have me… & that’s a great & safe place for my heart to be, come what may. He’s got me.)

He Does a Much Better Job-It’s Worth It!

I like feeling capable just as much as the next girl. I like feeling in control & empowered.

But I am just a girl, knowing I have limitations & knowing my dear God who has none & who loves me infinitely more than I can express to you. (And He loves YOU just the same!)

While I crave control, I want to learn to ditch that addiction that I cling to so tightly. I want to learn to cling to Him.

Because all can change. All can fade away. I can lose it all.

But His hope remains.

His power remains.

His love remains.

His GRACE remains.

Control & Surrender-The Life-Changing Difference

I want to train my heart to pry away my white-knuckled fingers from controlling my life & circumstances & I want to ever-learn how to rest back into His capable arms, asking Him to lead my day, my steps, my words, my LIFE.

There is so much life-changing beauty in learning & living the difference between control & surrender. One leaves us reliant on our own limitations & the other frees us to trust THE God who has none.

Because THAT, my friend, is where TRUE joy & contentment can flourish… & where we can finally learn what He meant when He said, “I have come that they may have LIFE, & have it more ABUNDANTLY.” (John 10:10)

Shine HOPE by letting Him have the reins of your life & by putting your full hope in Him, no matter what life may bring.

Trust Him FIRST, last, & everywhere in between. ALWAYS.

He’s GOT you, Girl.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Ramala Bracelet Set

(Only 1 of 2 Bracelets shown in photo.)

A set of 2, these bracelets are silver, adjustable, & 1 (shown) features real moonstone, with varying hues of lilac, blue, & purple.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

We Need to Talk…

Can we talk about health & body image for a second today?

If you know me, you know I am overweight…. But my weight doesn’t define me.

A Little Pudge… Words Matter

You see, little me had a little pudge—I wasn’t fat, but I wasn’t skinny. In hindsight, I looked like a normal little kid—but I felt UGLY.

I was always told by others that I would be liked more if I lost weight… that boys would like me better & that I would make more friends.

I know now that those words were meant to encourage me to be healthy & that a healthy person usually is just more confident, stronger, & more energetic, which usually attracts people. CONFIDENCE attracts people.

But I took it a different way then. I took it to mean that I wasn’t worth too much without a smaller number on the scale… without a smaller clothing size.

I Used to Pray to be Skinny

I am still wading through & dividing the line between well-meaning persuasion of others & the insecurities that I am just not enough.

I used to pray SO MUCH that God would just make me skinny. I used to pray that I could lose all desire for food & maybe that He would make it all taste gross to me.

(I am so glad He DIDN’T answer okay to making food taste bad! Thank You, GOD!)

My Weight Shame

I used to cry a lot, feeling like such a loser, someone who deserved to be picked on & verbally bullied at school. I DESERVED it because I wasn’t skinny, so I therefore wasn’t pretty enough to be treated well anyway. (My perception then.)

I used to avoid looking in the mirror EVER & used to pray that God would help me not HATE the way I look when I see myself in a mirror anymore.

I used to wear t-shirts when I showered because I was too ashamed to see how “gross” I looked. I was a pre-teen then.

One failure seemed to unravel any progress or good habits I had formed because if I failed it once, I “would probably never succeed anyway.”

I had a LOT of lies tear me up over the years.

Maybe if I Flirt?

I even let boys, friends even, assault me because I thought maybe it was a good sign that they wanted me at all “in my condition of fatness”. And I felt proud of it, until I felt like garbage afterwards, like a used up & worthless rag, to be used & tossed away.

I flirted & dressed inappropriately thinking that if I was too fat to be liked or wanted, I would flirt my way into their hearts. Sex appeal.

But that left me dead inside, like the “ME” hidden behind all those charades was just stuffed away, unimportant, & forgotten. Like I didn’t really matter anyway.

It’s been a long, tough road & one that God has grown me through in MANY ways. (See my Pivotal Post to see what happened with my harmful flirting-for-attention mindset.)

Changing the Script

I thought finding a guy who loves me & then marrying him would solve all of my problems, but I have been married 8 years to a man who dotes on me & gushes over my “gorgeousness” & I STILL struggle believing that he means it sometimes.

Because I am overweight.

I’m not skinny.

I always thought that Healthy => Skinny => Beautiful => Valuable/Lovable.

But that script needs to end.

I Know I’m Not Alone

I know I am not the only one who has had a similar view of themselves.

I see the shameless flirting, crying out to be wanted, needed, & loved.

I see the tugging of the shirts to cover the rolls & never being without a cardigan or hoodie to hide them.

I see the “Sorry for no makeup today” posts, as if they aren’t GORGEOUS JUST THE WAY GOD MADE THEM.

I see the diet posts.

I see the desperation to fit in & look good.

And that motivation needs to stop. (I am speaking to myself here, too.)

Fat Tissue Is Just Fat Tissue

We need to learn to love ourselves. Not in a vain: “Aren’t I the most amazing person in the world? Well, you’re dumb if you disagree!”

No, but we need to realize that our VALUE in NOT wrapped up in how many POUNDS of fat tissue we have on our bodies!!

Fat is JUST FAT.

Watch Out for the Pendulum Swing!

Now, let’s not allow that pendulum swing go the opposite way of saying, “Who cares if I am unhealthy because I am valuable as is!”

We should strive to be good stewards of the bodies God has gifted us with. We need to care about our HEALTH.

But we need to care about our HEALTH & NOT our FAT/LOOKS.

We need to learn to see Healthy = Energy, strength, alertness, less sluggishness, & more adventure!

Your BODY Loves HEALTHY

Being healthy does NOT make you more or less VALUABLE. It just makes you HEALTHY.

Your body will LOVE your efforts to eat clean, eat healthy portions, avoid junk food, get sunshine, MOVE, etc. Your body will appreciate those efforts & will thank you for it!

But EVEN IF you never get healthy, YOU ARE STILL GORGEOUS & LOVABLE & VALUABLE.

God Sees YOU First… Not the Number on Your Scale

God doesn’t see you as “less than” if you can’t lose the weight & anyone who doesn’t want to be friends with you just because you have a problem maintaining your health really is not worth pursuing friendship with.

So, hear me on this… LOVE you. Realize GOD LOVES YOU.

You are lovable. You are YOU no matter how many pounds weigh on you.

Be healthy to be healthy & ONLY for that reason. Take care of the body God has given you so that you can get more out of life with energy & strength. Take care of it to keep your body healthy from preventable health risks.

But, give yourself a hug & learn to look at yourself in the mirror every day & say, “GIRL, you’re gorgeous!” And ask God for help if you struggle with that, because He CERTAINLY helped me.

I Am BEAUTIFUL… And So Are YOU

I can now appreciate my smile & my blue eyes & just appreciate God’s design of my face & body in general.

I like my calves & I think my feet are cute. And, as my husband tells me, I like my body proportions that God has given me that will widen or narrow depending on my weight, but are still beautiful regardless of where the number on the scale leans.

I am BEAUTIFUL.

Am I healthy? –Not nearly as I should be, but I am a BEAUTIFUL Work-in-Progress.

A Toast to Loving Your Body As Is AND Striving for Good Health

So, here’s to new ways of thinking about our bodies. Here is to appreciating the features God created. Here is to learning that Healthy does NOT equal Beauty/Worth… Healthy = Energetic, Strong, Alert, HEALTHY.

Shine HOPE by praising God’s design of YOU & others, WHILE working to make your body happy by treating it well.

Not Just a Lean/Strong Body, But a Healed Heart

You see, if the struggle with your body image is not simply a concern for your HEALTH, but rather how WORTHY or valuable you feel… Health is not your only battle… your heart needs healing, too.

If you’re not seeking God’s help healing those inner wounds of the heart, it won’t matter if you lose every ounce of extra body fat. Maintaining your weight will become its own prison for you… It will create NEW problems for you: “What happens if I can’t keep it off? Do people only accept me because of my new body weight? Do they care about ME or my looks???”

Don’t let your motivations to get fit, lose weight, eat healthy… be to feel Pretty, Lovable, Desirable, Valuable…. Do it to make your body Strong, Energized, Alert, & less susceptible to be at risk for health problems later on or even now.

And ALWAYS ask God for help healing your heart & helping you to love yourself NOW & to help guide you to take better care of the body He has gifted you with.

Because YOU’RE WORTH IT… JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, Beautiful!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Onyx Necklace

Modern hammered brass necklace features 3 genuine onyx drops.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!