Why Obey?

In the past year, I have gained so much more insight into why, when God asks something of us, we should do it & how we can also have complete joy in doing it.

The why we should obey & the how we can have joy in it are both rooted in the same answer—TRUST.

To be more specific: Trust in who God is & of what He is capable.

Sometimes It Feels Good to Give, BUT…

If you’re familiar with the verse in Acts 20:35, “it is more blessed to give than to receive,” you might have thought of times where it did in fact feel good to give.

Maybe you fed someone dinner who was low on money. Maybe you gave of your time in helping someone who was struggling. Maybe you gave money to a worthy cause.

Thinking over these times of giving, where it felt good to give, we can easily relate to this idea of being more blessed in giving than receiving.

But It Doesn’t Always Feel Good…

But, what about times when we don’t see the immediate pleasant result of giving or when we are giving beyond what we feel comfortable?

What if we don’t get that happy feeling after we give?

Can it then still be considered more blessed to give than to receive when the act itself doesn’t make us feel good?

Yes.

“I Want to be a “Good Christian/Person.””

But wait a minute, let us check one more thing in the pool of what we may consider as blessings in giving.

We can often find ourselves trying to be a “good person”… “Proving” our faithfulness to God… Striving to earn the gift of salvation… Making right a wrong….

Sometimes, even subconsciously, we can find ourselves giving as a way to “pay penance,” thinking, ‘Well, I want to make God happy, so I should give.”

God Doesn’t Expect Us to Owe Him a Favor

God already offers Himself to us! His grace, His resources, His LOVE.

He can’t love us any more than He already does. God’s love doesn’t have conditions or limits. His grace is free. His resources are ours.

So, what are we missing?

The Missing Piece

If we are expected to obey, but not so we can “prove ourselves to God…”

And if we are meant to experience joy & blessing in giving, even when it doesn’t feel good…

Then, how?

… Because the blessing is not in how it makes us feel when we give & do good things. It is not based in what we stand to gain at all.

God Can Do Immeasurably More Than We Could Ever Ask Or Imagine…

Read that heading again.

God’s Word, in Ephesians 3:20-21, tells us, “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church & in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever & ever! Amen.” (Emphasis mine)

(In fact, if you want a big boost of encouragement & reassurance today, go read the whole of Ephesians 3!)

Blessedness in Giving Because of TRUST

Blessedness in giving is not based on whether or not we feel good or look good doing the giving.

It is not even based on earning God’s favor or in being a “good” Christian/person.

Instead, the blessedness in giving is based on where our trust rests, or rather, on Whom it rests.

In God We Trust

The blessedness of giving comes from trusting God to handle things so much better than we ever could with what we give….

It is trusting Him so much that we don’t worry about having less or feeling/looking good…

But instead we can rejoice in giving, knowing that once we release our finances & time to His control, He can do FAR GREATER things with them than we ever could!

Where Does Our Hope Come From?

We can either cling to our time & our money & our way of life… & deal with them through our limited understanding, giving only to feel good about ourselves or to make others feel good or to “earn” favor with God….

BUT, true joy in giving comes when we relinquish control, knowing that our Heavenly Father has got us in His able, loving hands. Knowing that we can trust Him no matter what life looks like.

We can feel joy & security & blessings, resting in His greater plan versus our short-sighted one (because anything short of eternity is, quite frankly, short-sighted… but God sees how it ALL fits together.)

He is loving & He will provide us with peace & joy, no matter what life looks like at the moment, as we lean into Him.

True & Lasting Joy & Blessings Don’t Come from Money–They Come from Trusting in God

I am not writing this post to make you feel bad about the good feeling you get when you give.

I am not trying to shame you into giving more.

I am not even saying it is bad to try to please God in life (unless you’re doing it to try to earn His love or grace–because He gives them freely).

I AM offering you a glimpse into the great possibility of transcending peace that goes beyond life circumstances.

I AM offering you a chance to stop right now & ask God to help you trust Him enough to let go & trust Him more.

I AM sharing this so that you may have joy in giving, not based on feelings, but based on complete & utter trust in who God is & how much more good He can accomplish with what we offer to Him than we could ever hope to do on our own.

We have blessedness in giving because of who our Master is & all that He is capable of & with all of the love & care He has for all of us.

He is a good, good Father.

Shine Hope, Lovely, by leaning into your Heavenly Father, Creator of the Universe, Loving, Capable, Grace-Gifting God.

Coming Next Week

Make sure to join me here next week, Monday morning EST, & join my tribe, by subscribing, so you don’t miss a thing!!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Warrior Cuff

This brass gold, hammered, stacked cuff opens in the back & will be your go-to piece.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

(*Also pictured: Fearless Earrings from Nepal!*)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

How We Handle Hurt

Whether we recognize it or not, there are a lot of beliefs about how we should handle our anger & pain.

Some of these beliefs were brought on by trauma & feeling a need to protect ourselves. Some were modeled to us through our childhood & even into adulthood.

Some just became unconscious habits in how we manage pain in our lives.

It’s true that some people “handle” their anger & pain by hurting others, while others may pick up addictions as a way to avoid the pain that plagues them.

Burying It or Faking It

But among many other possible ways of reacting to our anger & pain in life, there are two very common ways of handling hurts that I have noticed in my own life.

I have often found myself either burying my feelings & pretending the hurt isn’t hurting me… or faking it by accepting its pain but not letting anyone else see it.

False Security That’s Hurting Us

Both of these reactions have the allure of seeming safe. We can trick ourselves into thinking we’re just fine & that we’re “handling” it.

We often use these as defense mechanisms when facing anger &/or pain because these two reactions don’t seem to be overtly hurting anyone else & because since we’re hiding our pain from others, no one can use it against us in our vulnerability.

But the illusion of false security leaves us in a prison of hurt that only damages us more over time, while also arguably hurting our relationships.

It’s Still There

Burying our pain from ourselves & from the world does not eradicate it, which leaves us even more vulnerable to pain when it is struck on us again.

The same goes for faking it. When we plaster a smile, hiding it from the world, we are not removing the hurt.

Being “Strong for God”

Christians seem to veer toward either or both of these reactions because we sometimes feel like we must “uphold God’s honor” by pretending we’re stronger than we are.

But listen, God knows we are just human!

We are not any stronger than any other person just because we have accepted God’s grace for salvation.

Not Super Human… Super GOD

Salvation does not make us super human.

If you are carrying a world of hurt behind that smile, please hear me on this… God sees you as you are, you don’t have to try to be strong for Him.

Not Our Own Strength, But His, in Times of Hurt

Here is where SURRENDER comes in to the picture.

Trust. Trust God to be enough when you are not.

Trust that He sees your hurt, your loss, your anger, your pain… & He loves you exactly where you are.

Be Real with God… He Can Handle It

Have you ever read any of the Psalms in the Bible?

The authors of some of the Psalms don’t hold back on expressing their anger, hurt, & frustration to God. Sometimes they even express a wish for someone to die for it! They get real with God in the midst of their pain because they know they can be honest with God.

God Can Take Care of You When All Feels Hopeless

But the authors of the Psalms don’t leave it at there misery & anger… In the midst of their terrible situation, they express their trust in God to handle both the hurtful situation as well as their heart & healing.

You see, we don’t have to carry our every burden, trying to prove that because we’re “a strong woman” or because we’re “Christian” that we can handle everything just fine.

We don’t have to fake it or lash out or bury it or turn to addiction… We can run into God’s open arms, share our hurts with Him & trust Him.

Crying Out to God & Trusting Him Versus Self

Here is an example of how I pray when I feel angry or hurt:

“God, I am so angry/hurt right now that I want to throw this vase into the wall! I feel so [betrayed, blindsided, invalidated, misunderstood, frustrated, livid, etc.] & I cannot control my emotions! They burn inside me & I feel lost & drowning in the hurt that I feel. Help me!

Be my strength because I don’t have it in me to [forgive, apologize, have peace, be calm, be loving, make peace, etc.]. I just want them to hurt for hurting me!

But I know that wishing for revenge doesn’t honor You, so please intercept these thoughts & change them to reflect Your love & grace. Change my perspective & renew my heart. Give me Your strength to react the right way. Give me Your wisdom to do what is best. Give me Your power to follow through in the way that You know is best.

Help me to trust You above the storm of my emotions that rage around me because of this situation.

You are All-Powerful God. You are the All-Creative Creator. You are the Unconditionally-Loving Savior. You know all & have a perfect plan that spans far beyond what I can see. Help me to trust in You above my limited view of the moment. I love You, Amen.”

It’s All About What He Can Do

It’s not about what we can “handle”. It’s not about how “strong” we are. It’s not about “proving” our faith.

It’s all about Him.

His love. His ability. His strength. His power. His wisdom.

Don’t Run Away… Run to Him

So, stop stuffing it. Stop hiding it away from the light of day. Stop aching your strained heart with that smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes.

Stop fooling yourself that you have to be enough.

Drop to your knees. Bow your head. (Or, just ask Him while sitting in the car or wherever you are in the moment.) And lay the pain at His feet.

Ask Him to take it. Ask Him to handle it. Ask Him for freedom from your secret prison of pain.

It’s All About Him

He doesn’t need you to be perfect for the world. He needs you to show the world that He is perfect although we are not.

Shine a light by pointing to Him. Shine HOPE by pointing back to Him.

He is THE way… THE truth… THE life.

So, let Him bring life back into your heart by turning to Him in your anger & hurt & by letting Him be what lifts you.

He’s got you, Lovely. He will always be enough & more so. He’s got you.

Coming Next Week

Check back next Monday morning EST for more encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Petal Necklace

This cubic zirconia floral pendant hangs from an antique golden chain & pairs perfectly with the Petal Stud Earrings.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Expectations

We are faced with so many expectations, aren’t we?

Parents expect so much of us growing up & even after we grow up & move out.

Teachers & bosses expect dedication, focus, & hard work–& everything in between.

Relationships expect loyalty & equal give & take & a partnership through all of life’s demands.

Children expect… well, everything.

God expects obedience, faithfulness, & service, through love & faith.

Even societal & cultural norms have expectations.

And then there’s us. Don’t we seem to expect the most from ourselves? As the saying goes, “I’m my own worst critic.”

Rising Tide of Anxiety

It can seem overwhelming sometimes, when the weight of the world’s expectations seems to hover on our shoulders & then follows us everywhere we go.

With all of the expectations we juggle from day to day, no wonder anxiety & depression seem to ever be on the rise.

The list of demands only seems to grow as time goes on, including the demands on our attention in every spare moment, through social media & other modes communications readily accessible & at our fingertips.

What’s the Solution?

So, how do we cope with it all?

How do we overcome the wall of anxiety that sometimes seems to threaten us around every corner?

How do we honor God with our time when every moment seems swallowed up by all the expectations we face?

Well, in the words of the recent Disney queen, my advice is to “let it go”.

But Wait!

“Now, wait a minute…” you might be thinking. “Our kids have to be fed & job responsibilities must be met & relationship efforts have to happen & ABOVE ALL, we need to honor God in how He expects us to live!!”

Yes.

Totally agreed.

But, to clarify my statement, we should let it go & give it to God.

Don’t miss that last part, because we will definitely NOT find peace in avoiding life’s demands. And we will also not be honoring God that way, either.

Give it to God.

Letting God be God

So, how does that look? How is that lived out?

Shouldn’t we be doing all of this FOR God? So, how do we let it go & give it to Him? How does that equal living our life FOR God?

Through trust… Through relying on God’s strength & God’s power & God’s wisdom, above our own.

When we give over control to Him, we are actually doing exactly what He asks when He tells us to live our life FOR Him. For Him, by Him, through Him.

God Works in Ways We Can’t Predict or Explain or Do on Our Own

Sometimes this looks like God giving us the peace & strength to do what needs to be done.

Sometimes God gives wisdom we didn’t already have, so that we know what to let go of completely & areas where we can relieve some of the pressures, or even a new way of doing things.

Sometimes God displays His power by rearranging time or circumstances to remove some pressure.

Sometimes God sends a capable someone who can help share the burden.

Sometimes God shows you that the pressure you are claiming was never something God asked you to carry, because we often try so hard to live our plan versus God’s.

However God chooses to help, He will help.

Him, Not Us… His Plan, Not Ours

We don’t have to be a superhero. We don’t have to drown through life. We don’t have to barely make it. We don’t have to count down until Friday.

We can learn to let go & let God.

We can learn to thrive in the knowledge that God’s got this & that HE provides what we need to do the things He asks of us.

Let Him Run Things… Let Him Help

Let God be the CEO who runs your life.

Let God be your secretary who schedules your day.

Let God have the control. Let God use HIS power through your day.

Hand over the reins of your life to God, who never tires nor exhausts His power or resources.

Instead of carrying the weight of the world, learn to let it go & to place your plans & the expectations of others into God’s capable & loving hands.

Are you carrying the weight of the world? Learn to let it go.

Shine Hope!

Coming Next

Make sure to read this month’s special feature post (every last Thursday of the month), coming this Thursday!

Also, check back every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Inverted Capiz Earrings

These earrings feature shimmery, creamy white capiz shells, each framed by a black edge.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchase, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

I’ve Got This… But, God

It’s easy to seek God for help when we know we are lacking, but what about the times when we feel we’ve already got it covered?

Do we take sufficient time to bow our plans & desires before God’s feet & ask Him for His input, even when we feel like we’ve already got it all figured out?

This self-sufficient mentality is a “disease” that we all struggle with at times.

Our Way Bowed to God’s Way

We often like to feel like we have our daily life figured out. We like feeling like we have a method & a way that seems to work for us. We like the sense of control it gives us.

But what if we’re missing out on something so much greater? Something that fills us with contentment & peace, with confidence & fulfillment?

How often do we figure out a way for something & just run with it on autopilot, without considering whether God can help us do it better, in a way that not only gives us more peace, but also brings Him more glory in the day-to-day?

Stepping into Our Potential Life

How often do we let this comfort zone of perceived control prevent us from stepping into the potential God created within each of us?

I am realizing more & more how important it is to not only stop for reflection from time to time, but also to take that reflection of life to God & ask for His say on what might be different & better if we let Him run things His way.

Pray for His Insight & Power

It’s important to stop & ask God to give His input, even with something simple, like:

“God, I want to please You with my life & I know I sometimes have blinders on in doing things the way I know. Give me Your perspective & wisdom. Give me Your power & strength to step into the potential You have designed specifically for my life.”

God Can Make a Way

I cannot tell you how many times I have felt stuck by a circumstance in life & never really considered there could be any way out of it. I just accepted it as a part of life that I had to deal with, but God goes so far beyond our limitations!

As a short example, I always struggled with reading my Bible regularly because my mind could never seem to rest on God’s Word long enough to digest what I was reading.

I assumed that because I was not good at it, that I should be content with reading less, relying more on Scripture snippets from time to time or tidbits highlighted through devotions I might be working on at the time.

But here’s what I was missing in my “solution”—the context of the entirety of Scripture. Because I thought there was no other way, instead of asking God for His help to overcome my obstacles, I was relying on how good I thought I could do with it.

Our Perspective Versus His Infiniteness

You see, it is so easy for us to take culture & upbringing & self-“realizations” as hard facts, without stopping to consider that God knows more than we do. That God can do better with what we have. That God isn’t limited by our limitations or circumstances.

Letting God Handle What We’ve Got “Handled”

What part of your life do you feel you have running on auto-pilot?

What areas of your life do you feel like you’ve got all figured out & maybe have never stopped to ask God about it?

What poor circumstances have you been rushing in to redeem in our own wisdom or strength, whether it be a spouse’s weakness, a child’s stubborn nature, a friend’s wrong, or a social injustice… without stopping to ask how God would like to solve the problem?

We can have right motives & we can feel justified & we can feel like we’re doing a good job… but it is ALWAYS best to bow those ideas & those solutions which are based in human understanding to God’s infinite wisdom.

So, take inventory today of the areas of your life that you are handling on your own.

And take that inventory list to God, bowing your way & your will to His power, His will, & His way.

Shine HOPE His way, Lovely, & have a wonderful day giving God all the glory.

Coming Next Week

Make sure to check back every Monday morning EST for some more encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Northern Lights Studs

These studs hold labradorite stone, displaying multiple captivating colors that vary in different exposures to light, just like the Northern Lights themselves. Flash-plated posts.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Grace Is Free

This is a topic that I have found cannot be discussed enough—“Obedience through faith, not self-efforts.”

It seems that we have universally grown accustomed to feeling some control over our position before God. As if we must prove ourselves worthy in order to be given His free gift to cover our wrongs.

Sometimes we live in a state of self-condemnation, beating ourselves into submission in order to honor God with our lives. We think we have to pay Him back.

But God’s free gift of grace is just that… free.

Our Best Isn’t Enough-And That’s Grace

God even says that our righteousness (the best we have to offer), is like dirty rags.

God doesn’t say this to condemn us & mock our efforts, but rather to say that His gift cannot be earned, but is just GIVEN, free of charge, if only we believe on Him for that gift.

Our best still isn’t enough & yet God covers the gaps for us.

And yet we still strive to earn or to deserve His grace.

Doing Nothing Is Not the Cure

This isn’t to say that the opposite of the pendulum swing is true either, that because we cannot earn it, we shouldn’t strive to honor God with our lives.

BUT, it is not because we put pressure on ourselves to deserve His free gift & it is not through our own self-efforts, either.

Knowing We Weren’t Enough-God Makes a Way

In discussing this topic with a friend, this comparison came to mind:

God gave us the law (the 10 Commandments), knowing that we could never fulfill the law on our own & knowing that we would have to come to Jesus to be the propitiation for our wrongs to right our relationship with Himself.

In the same way, God gives us commands on how we ought to live this life, knowing that we do not have the capacity to live that way from our own efforts, knowing that He sent the Holy Spirit to guide us & empower us to live the way He has called us to live.

The Balance

Also, just because we could never perfectly fulfill the law or God’s commandments on how to live, doesn’t mean we should avoid living God’s way & instead do whatever we want.

But we should also not tire ourselves trying to be perfect when we are not.

So, it sounds like I have told you to both NOT avoid doing what is right while also NOT tiring yourself to do what is right.

I know this might sound like a contradiction, but it is actually the perfect formula for faith & for a life lived through a relationship with God through a life of faith AKA abiding in Christ (versus just following His example).

Lean Into Him to Do All He Asks of Us

You see, although we are incapable of living the way God has asked us to, & although this does not excuse our wrongdoings, we should instead lean into God for what we are called to do in our incapacity to do it.

Here is an example of something I say to God in my prayers:

“God, I feel so [distracted, lazy, busy, rebellious, tired, stubborn, worn out, incapable, discouraged, impatient, proud/arrogant, etc.], but I know this honors You, so please give me the [strength, wisdom, clarity, available time, power, ability, encouragement, inspiration, discipline, humility, patience, etc.] that I don’t feel I can muster on my own to accomplish this that honors You. You are all that I need in my limitations. I am not enough, but You are GOD. Thank You that I can be still & know that through my limitations, You ARE GOD.”

Because really, that’s what it all comes down to.

We Are So Limited, But He Isn’t!

I am limited. There is so much that God asks of me that I just don’t have the capacity to do on my own…

Like:

• Loving my enemies
• Knowing what to say to someone whose world is crashing around them
• Taking time for a quiet time with God when my world is chaos
• Accomplishing a big task that seems out of my abilities
• Knowing how to respect someone who is rude or mean
• Responding rightly in a high stress situation
• ETC.! (The list of my shortcomings & weaknesses, if I put a decent amount of time & effort into writing it, would be quite long, if I am honest!)

SO MANY things are beyond my human limitations & I can exhaust myself REALLY QUICKLY in trying to live up to all of it all the time, in my own strength or wisdom or power to make it all happen. And then , I will STILL fall short of it 100% of the time!

God Fills in the Gaps

But yet, God still asks them of me, knowing my limitations better than I know them myself.

And so, the beautiful solution to this gap is HIM. Letting God lead us across those gaps, between His commands on how to live & our human limitations, through/by/with HIS power, love, patience, hope, strength, joy, wisdom, etc.

HIS. Not ours.

Don’t Just Follow Christ-Abide in Him

So, if you feel like you’re barely holding your Christian life together, you’re doing it wrong.

Sorry, not sorry.

Stop trying to be Super Christian & instead, lean into our AWESOME, UNLIMITED, SUPREME, LOVING GOD.

Just stop.

And pray.

And let God move you where you can’t move yourself.

Take some pressure off yourself, because you were never meant to do it in your own strength anyways.

Shine hope, Lovely—Through FAITH, Not Self-Efforts.

Coming Next Week

Make sure to tune in every Monday morning EST for some more encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Eternity Necklace

Multiple mixed metal chains are hugged by a metal curved tube to create this simple yet elegant piece with a lobster clasp closure.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

(*Also shown: Western Stud Trio (silver pair), also empowering women out of poverty, in India!)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Pride & Timidity Versus Confidence & Humility

How often do we confuse confidence with pride & humility with timidity?

What’s the difference? Is there a difference?

Yes, & this difference makes ALL the difference.

Confidence Through Christ, Not Ourselves

You see, we can have complete confidence in life because we know that no matter our balance of rights versus wrongs, our salvation is bought by the blood of Christ & not through any efforts of our own.

Confidence says that because God has gifted me, I can step into this situation or this role knowing that my ability is from Him & that He will provide me with all of the strength, wisdom, & power that I need to accomplish what He asks of me as I lean into Him for help along the way.

Pride, The Enemy of Confidence

Pride gives ourselves a pat on the back, while confidence says that it’s all because of God & through God that we are able to accomplish any good.

The opposite of pride tends to be fleshed out as timidity (versus humility), also known as a fear of doing anything because we don’t want to encourage the credit to fall on us.

Can you see how Satan can use both of these extremes? We are either drawing attention away from God (through pride) or we are refusing to do what God asks of us, for fear of drawing attention away from God (through timidity).

What a sad pendulum swing that often traps us in self-loathing or inaction.

The God-Honoring Balance

But God asks us to let the pendulum rest on the most God-honoring balance amongst the two extremes.

He asks to have confidence & humility in perfect harmony.

We can have full confidence in what God has equipped us with, while having the humility to realize that those strengths are from God & not from us.

So, if you find yourself backing down from activities out of a fear of pride (aka timidity), step into it instead with confidence, knowing, with humility, that your ability comes from God.

Love you, Lovely!

Coming Next Week

Make sure to join me next week as I talk about Obedience through Faith Versus Self-Efforts.

And join me every Monday morning EST for more encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Holly Necklace

Holly’s passion is to empower women to be all God created them to be & live out their potential. Whether she is in the brothels of Asia to hometown USA, her desire is to see women live out their calling with confidence & dignity. This piece is a reflection of the confidence & skills a woman rescued from the brothels has when given the opportunity. A delicate piece, this golden/pink druzy necklace sparkles in the light.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

How Do I Fit?

Have you ever found yourself wondering how you fit into God’s plan?

Being well aware of your own shortcomings, failures, & insecurities, in comparison to the perceived strengths, accomplishments, & courage of others can leave us wondering how we can have any influence in our hurting world that others can’t do better.

When I was growing up, I always looked up to those who seemed bold & courageous, the leaders & the ones already doing the work. I assumed that was for them & not for me.

I always tended to step back & let them do their thing, while I essentially sat back & made excuses for inaction.

Of course, we don’t like to admit it as inaction, but that is inevitably the result of letting others do everything that we are also called to do.

Not Lazy, Just Insecure

I don’t think it’s even necessarily laziness, but it definitely seems like Satan likes us to believe the lie that because others seem to be better, we shouldn’t do it as well.

Take this blog, for example. If I am completely honest with you, I feel completely ill-equipped & inadequate to run any kind of anything, let alone a weekly blog & Facebook community.

I see too clearly all of my rebellious nature & stubborn/selfish tendencies. I see my writing blunders & babblings & wish I didn’t sound “so dumb” in my writing, because my weaknesses are glaringly obvious to me.

Be a Light

But God has been giving me a sort of wake-up call with this type of thing.

The world needs lampposts in the darkness. Lampposts for HOPE. Lampposts that shine the light of Christ into this hurting world.

God wants people who are willing to show up & take a stand for Truth in LOVE.

Even If…

Even if I end up being a terrible writer & even if I mess up & even if I miss a deadline & beat myself up about it… God can still use my willingness to show up for Him.

Even if I am ignored & no one reads anything I share. Even if everyone thinks I am lame & have no business running a blog. EVEN IF NO ONE CARES… God can still use my willingness to show up for Him.

Maybe God…

If you are feeling it necessary to be a light for Christ, but you feel alone or inadequate in this endeavor, maybe God will use this blog to encourage you that it DOES matter & it IS worth it.

If you are wondering if Christianity is just my pick of the litter for religions, maybe God will use this blog to show you that HE is the ONE WAY to Truth & HOPE & that He offers this freely, apart from anything we are unable to give.

If you are struggling with a conviction & wonder if God is really working through that situation, maybe God will use this blog to solidify that Truth in your heart.

Even if I mess up & miss the point. Even if I speak poorly & am grossly inadequate, God can still use my willingness to show up.

Keep Shining Hope, Keep Showing Up

And so, I will keep showing up.

Not because I am especially disciplined or determined or selfless or humble or anything, but through GOD’S strength, GOD’S encouragement, & GOD’S help.

I am nothing. HE is EVERYTHING.

I am weak. HE is STRENGTH.

I am selfish. HE is KIND & GENEROUS.

I am limited. HE is INFINITE.

I am not worthy of this task, but HE CAN USE ME DESPITE ME.

He is everything!

Let God Maximize Your “Minimals”

We are ever incapable of measuring up to the needs of this world, but through God’s guidance & power & wisdom, we can have an impact! Through HIM.

We are always lacking. We are always prone to self-seeking. We are always insufficient.

BUT GOD IS OUR EVERYTHING.

But How???

How can you serve God when you are broken…? Because God is everything.

Lean into Him. Take your mustard seed-sized offering to Him & ask Him to grow your meager offering into something for His glory.

Maybe It Means

Maybe it means starting a blog. Maybe it means starting a prayer circle to uplift others by turning to God together. Maybe it means offering to help clean up the church once a week. Maybe it means offering to help improve the graphics at church.

Maybe it means bringing meals to those who are suffering. Maybe it means offering to meet with another woman or teen in the church to pray & encourage one another. Maybe it means being intentional in praying over the needs of your church.

Lean Into Him

God created us all uniquely. God designed us all specifically. God gave us all different gifts. But God fills in our gaps.

So, lean into Him. Ask for His guidance in where to go next & what to do next. Ask Him to fill in your gaps. Ask Him where He can use you. Ask Him to work out your God-designed potential in you. Ask Him to help you trust Him more & more each day. Ask Him to help you to know & love Him more.

God Is Still God

When you’re broken, God is still God.

He doesn’t call the equipped. He equips the called.

All we have to do is lean into Him & be willing to just show up.

Let His lamp be a light unto your feet. One. Step. At. A. Time.

Just trust HIM.

Coming Next Week

Check back on Thursday for this month’s special feature post!

Also, come back next Monday morning EST for some more encouragement from my heart to yours. <3

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Warrior Cuff

This brass gold, hammered, stacked cuff opens in the back and will be your go-to piece. (*Also available in silver color.)

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & they grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

(*Also shown: Fearless Earrings, empowering women out of poverty in Nepal!*)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Feeling Lost

Sprawled on the floor with a tear-stained face, wondering how you will survive through to the morning, wondering if you WANT to survive until the morning.

You have tried everything to revive the ruin of your life…. You have tried to stay positive…. You have tried to be strong.

And yet, here you are, melting into despair, wondering if a life ended is better than another day of the pain that you live now.

You know God. You consider yourself a Christian, knowing that Christ paid your debt to set you free from sin. And yet, you still wonder if even our great God could do anything to help bring hope into your crumbled, bleak resemblance of life.

And then the tinge of guilt for claiming to have faith while still falling apart.

It’s hard to admit you’re falling apart when others doubt your faith.

How do you give God your best when you have nothing left to give? How do you give God anything at all?

Being Faithful in Weakness

It’s so easy to think that faithfulness means never struggling, but how many retellings in the Bible express immense struggles, while still remaining faithful?

Sometimes, doesn’t it feel like, as a Christian, we put this pressure on ourselves to “measure up” to the “standard”?

It feels like being faithful means being perfect all the time.

Like being faithful means never messing up.

Like being faithful means never being overwhelmed by hurt & pain & stress.

We think that being faithful means always being strong & always believing unwaveringly.

We think that being faithful means never falling apart.

We often think that it’s up to us to carry through the storm, to prove our faith.

But Still…

But no amount of our strength & no amount of positive thinking can bring back a loved one.

No amount of effort can erase a hole in our heart.

No amount of trying can undo a devastatingly painful circumstance.

Sometimes, no matter how tirelessly we try, our efforts just don’t do a thing to solve our problem or heal our heart or fix our situation.

So why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? As if, if we try harder next time, we can overcome?

Expressing Pain While Staying Faithful

If we struggle to put the expression or feelings of hurt, pain, or torment in the same sentence as faithfulness, think of some of the people represented throughout the Bible.

Think of Job’s loss & torment, while still praising & trusting God.

Think of David’s lamenting psalms, while still looking to God as his help & refuge.

Think of Christ’s bloody tears, while still obeying God’s mission to save us on the cross.

Faithfulness Isn’t…

Faithfulness does not mean being strong on our own.

Faithfulness does not mean we never cry out in pain.

Faithfulness does not mean we don’t hurt.

Faithfulness does not mean pretending our personal world isn’t falling apart.

Faithfulness does not mean never wanting to quit.

Giving Our Best-Even When It’s Small

Even when we have nothing, even when we are at our worst, we can give God our best just by trusting God to be enough when we are not.

Mustard seed-sized faith–“small, barely holding on, but knowing somewhere, somehow, God CAN” type faith.

Faith that says, “I personally can see no way of hope, but if anyone can, God CAN.”

Stepping outside of the chaos & destruction to say, “God, how can You bring anything good out of THIS? How can THIS be part of Your PLAN?! Help me to trust You because I don’t know how to hold on anymore. I don’t have a plan. I can’t fix it. But God, You are somehow enough. Help me to rest in that. Help me to trust You when every odd seems to be working against me. I can’t. I CAN’T.

But You CAN.”

That’s faith. Trusting that He CAN in the midst of our CAN’Ts.

Giving To Get, But GOD

You see, as people, we have the tendency to think that to have faith or to give God our best, we need to be strong warriors. We think we have to bring something to the table for God to use.

But even when we have nothing, God CAN.

In those times of loss & despair, where nothing seems like it could ever improve, we have the rare opportunity to see that, plainly stated, IT’S NOT US.

That even when we are falling apart at the seams, GOD IS ENOUGH.

Even without our help.

Trusting in the Hurricane

As I sit here in the hospital with my 24-year old baby sister who is recovering from a ruptured appendix, I am reminded of this beautiful truth.

As I sat crying on the couch last Monday, after hearing that my sister was fighting for her life on the other side of the globe, I was reminded of this truth.

Botched travel plans & a day of rushing through three train stations & two airports, I was reminded of this truth.

I didn’t have anything to give. I couldn’t beam to Florida, from Japan, to be with my sister. I couldn’t fix the travel woes. I couldn’t heal her. I couldn’t control anything.

I cried. A lot.

And as I lay there frustrated & aching & scared, on my couch in Japan, far away from my sister, I was reminded that God CAN.

God never loses control.

God Reigns Through It ALL

He sees it all.

It may not turn out the way I expect or the way my limited perspective longs for, but He makes it fit together in a plan so big & so vast that expands beyond the current circumstances.

As I heard in a song once, “Sometimes God calms the storm & sometimes He calms His child.”

You see, even IF things do not go the way we pray. Even if it all seems to fall apart, God never wastes a moment & He is always in control.

He offers peace in the torment. He offers strength in the collapse. He offers power over the fear. He offers courage in the unknowns. He offers HOPE in the midst of hopeless.

He is always working HOPE. He is always pointing back to Himself. He is always offering to sustain us.

God CAN.

GOD CAN

So, as I sit here (now writing from the hospital cafeteria, in Florida, as my sister rests), I am reminded that GOD CAN.

I feel strength I didn’t muster. I feel courage amidst the fear. I feel peace in the storm.

God is with us. He is sustaining us. He is reviving us.

God has it in His able hands. God loves us unconditionally. God CAN.

And because I know my sister loves Jesus & has her hope placed in Him alone, I know that even if God had not indeed chosen a road to recovery, (*Which it miraculously seems recovery is where we’re headed at this point!!!!), God would have taken her to a shining & glorious place called Heaven, where she can rush into the loving arms of her Savior & dance a dance of hope & love & eternal joy.

God always has a plan. All for Him, even when things don’t go our way, but thank You Lord for the recovery we are seeing!!!!!

Even When… God’s Grace Remains

Even when we feel lost

Even when all hope is gone

Even when our hurt seems strong

God’s grace will still remain

And even when all crashes down

And even when our strength is gone

And even when we’ve given up

God’s good grace still overcomes

We may have nothing

To offer Him

We may have nothing

To offer Him

We may be hurting, all hope feels gone

BUT God’s Grace still reigns the day

God’s GOOD GRACE reigns always

((*Always shine HOPE, even if it means saying, “God, I can’t do this, but You can.”))

If you feel God is not calming the storm, pray & ask for His strength to carry you through. Ask for His peace & courage. Ask for His perspective.

And listen to “Blessings” by Laura Story.

*I don’t own the rights to this song. All rights to Laura Story & Company.

Coming Next Week

*I am sorry for the lapse last week. That was the day I found out about my sister. Thank you for showing me grace & for your prayers as she has a long road to recovery. Thank You, Lord, for Your healing power & sustaining grace!!!*

Check back every Monday morning EST for more encouragement! Love you, sisters!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Horizon Earrings

These golden diamond shaped earrings are wrapped with vibrant coral thread.

Artisan Information:

In India, poverty is rampant & fair working conditions are hard to find. But with every purchase, women are receiving an income, access to healthcare, adult literacy programs, & self-help groups! Not only does this change their lives, but they are also pouring back into their communities & helping others! You have the opportunity to empower thousands of women in India!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

(*Also shown: Awakening Bracelet from India!*)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The Struggle Is Real

One thing that is a constant struggle for me is being still.

Ever since a Smart Phone entered my life, I have had games, communication, & internet all at my fingertips… at all times.

I definitely love the convenience, but I must confess that my Smart Phone has sort of taken over my life.

Even having turned off push notifications for everything other than regular texts, I still find myself grabbing for it in the quiet moments.

How do I get my life back?

Every Morning, Every Night, & Everywhere in Between

First thing in the morning & last thing before bed consists of an hour or so of catching up on replies on Facebook & emails, as well as playing through my “lives” for my current game obsession.

In those still moments, I used to just rest, reflect on my day, & pray. But now, I am consumed with filling every moment with activity.

In those quiet moments, I now get restless, too used to having memes, posts, comments, & games at my fingertips.

I Need Rest

I find myself thirsty for rest. Quiet, peaceful, rejuvenating rest.

Maybe I will learn to not allow phones or other devices to enter my bedroom, so I am forced to just relax, reflect, & pray.

Maybe I will keep my phone in the other room during the day, so I can maybe get out of the habit of grabbing for it in every quiet moment.

Maybe I will start praying & asking God to pry that obsession out of my tight grasp.

Maybe I will take more hot baths, where my tension can melt away, or take more walks/runs, while I am left with my thoughts, having a conversation with God about every stressor that nags in the back of my mind.

Nagging Restlessness

Do you have those thoughts? Maybe, like me, you have a project (or ten) that you keep meaning to finish. Maybe there’s a call you keep putting off. Maybe a chore you find disgusting or a bad habit that keeps coming back to bite you? Nagging thoughts that keep you restless.

I can’t imagine I am the only one with these background noise naggings that play on in my head.

I guess that’s why my phone is so tempting. I can easily tune out the nagging if I keep busy.

But the nagging continues, the thoughts still hover over each day, & the restlessness builds.

Being Still in Quiet Moments

I need more quiet in my life. I need to learn how to be still. I need to learn how to quiet my mind & heart & to take those nagging problems to God in prayer so He can begin working an answer out in my heart.

I can run from my nagging thoughts, but they will keep coming until they are solved.

I want to learn to stop running & to take those nagging problems to God.
I want to learn how to be still & trust God.

Asking God for Solutions, Strength, & REST

I want to start asking God for the diligence, creativity, & wisdom to finish those unfinished projects. I want to ask God for the courage to make the call. I want to ask God to help me be an overcomer—even if it’s just cleaning the grimy grossness of a toilet bowl. I want to ask God to help me change my habits & to shape me into the woman He designed me to be.

No more running. I want rest for my soul. I want quiet moments with my Lord.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

It’s time to set limits on my phone use & when I am tempted to grab my phone, to instead stop & say, “God, help me overcome this temptation to run away from the restless naggings of my heart. Help me to learn what it means to be still in quiet rest with You. Renew me. Strengthen me. Help me to know & love You more each day. Amen!”

May this be the prayer of our hearts as we seek to live a life that honors & glorifies our loving Father in Heaven. Because He first loved us, let us strive to love Him all the more each day.

Shine Hope, Lovely!

Coming Next Week

Make sure to check back here every Monday morning EST for more weekly encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Western Stud Trio

These simple yet modern studs come in a set of three pairs: a gold, a silver, & a rose gold pair.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

Shop these & more Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Getting Vulnerable

Today, I am about to get a little vulnerable with you. I am going to let you peek inside my reality of living in a foreign country, away from most English. I am going to share my journey with high stress & anxiety.

Some of you, if you have not had a similar experience, may be tempted to roll your eyes at me. You may think I am grossly exaggerating the truth in order to get attention or to make an interesting story & I honestly wish that were the truth, but it isn’t.

Some of you may know exactly how this feels & have felt like maybe you were the only one who has ever been ripped to shreds through anxiety & stress. You aren’t.

You Are Not Crazy.

Mental illness & struggles can make you feel like you have gone mad & you wonder what is wrong with you. Anxiety, like most mental struggles is something that does not discriminate & if left unchecked can literally ruin your relationships & your life. Sometimes, it can lead to suicide.

Anxiety, depression, high stress, PPD, PTSD, & so many other mental illnesses or imbalances can be serious business. Don’t take them lightly. Get help. It’s okay to not be okay.

Offer Unconditional Love

If someone you know confesses to a deep problem with anxiety or the other many mental illnesses/struggles out there, pray with them, for them, & seek to get them help & support. Show them that it is okay to not be okay. Show them that you love them in the mess, without expecting them to “get better” while you avoid them in the meantime. Trust God to be your strength & wisdom as you love them through their struggle. You don’t have to have all the answers or the great solution. Just love them & give them a safe space.

So, here I go….

A History of Depression

As a background, I have been through struggles with depression twice in my life. The first time was two full years in high school that left me in deep sobs almost every day, wishing my life were over, but too scared for suicide.

The second time depression hit, it hit twice as hard. I think because the first round drew me to understand how real God is & how much He really does love me, I assumed it was a lesson learned & thought that was the end of it, so when it attacked again, I fell hard. Suicidal plans on several occasions fortunately scared me into getting help.

God Guides When We Let Him

Fast forward about ten years & I meet Jamie, my handsome husband whom I love dearly. I was scared of commitment & hurt from my past, but God walked alongside me & gave me the confidence to lean into Him to guide me through my relationship of dating Jamie.

Through God’s amazingly inconceivable guidance (really, it blows my mind when I realize how involved He is when we let Him! Check out our love story, here), but through that, God led us to our wedding day for which I am eternally grateful.

Wedded Bliss Is Sometimes Stressful–Can I Get an Amen?

Three months after that wedding day, we moved to the opposite side of the planet, to beautiful, tropical Guam.

In my mind, living on a tropical island seemed like a dream rather than reality, but stress does not discriminate based on location.

I didn’t have a job or a car or friends for a good long time on Guam. I had come so eager & full of life & love, but was not met with great response.

Jamie worked twelve-hour shifts, plus the drive to & from, & usually ended up taking on extra shifts into his days off. Inevitably, he had little energy or much of anything left to offer me when he was home.

My life was defined by isolation & extreme loneliness like I had never known before.

Add to that, the fighting.

So. Much. Fighting. He was tired, I was sad… It wasn’t a great combination. It left him feeling inadequate & strained… It left me feeling abandoned & unloved.

While God worked through our tensions, through much prayer time as a couple, our relationship grew stronger, but the overall stress remained.

I became resentful of my circumstances & instead of bowing them at the feet of Jesus & clinging to Him as my ENOUGH while I struggled, I grew bitter because the pain I struggled with every day refused to go away for good.

Enter: Life as a Foreigner

Then we moved to Japan.

We moved to an area of Japan with almost ZERO English spoken or written. We moved to an area of Japan where full conversations rarely happened because broken English made them more difficult. We moved to an area of Japan that made my foreignness stand out like a glaring neon sign, mocking me at every difficulty to live my day to day life.

I loved our time there & our friends & church family & the immense beauty seen & adventures had, but stress was a natural byproduct of living life as a foreigner.

Loneliness increased. Isolation increased. Pressure & strain increased.

I was HAPPY with my life, but I was so stressed out that I couldn’t seem to enjoy it for very long! That’s part of what made me feel crazy because I could acknowledge the good in my life, yet still feel like I was crumbling.

Feeling the Disconnect

Thankfully, Jamie & I had learned on Guam that the fight was not against each other & since he had a lighter work schedule, we tended to work together instead of against each other on this move, but he still couldn’t fully grasp my struggle since he had some English spoken at work & dealt with equipment in English.

On top of that, church was in Japanese, with translators we are eternally indebted to & grateful for, but who were not professionals. We missed a lot just because that’s how it is. Lost in translation was another hurdle because words don’t always translate the same way in different languages.

Stress Off the Charts

I am certain that I would have broken a stress test had I had the opportunity to take one. I was crumbling with each passing week.

Eventually, I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.

The joy, the optimism, the hope, the faith in God’s ability & love… Regular prayer & hope in God… Spiritual support & encouragement… Everything started fading to grey & then turning to black.

Survival Mode

I started giving up & turning to survival mode only.

Every day was about getting myself to live until the next day.

Some days, all plans got thrown out the window because a day of Netflix was all that my stress & anxiety could handle.

I watched happy videos & read happy posts on Facebook that left me in bitter tears–incredibly sad that it felt so out of reach for me.

My Past Struggle with “Barrenness”

(*I put that in quotes because I don’t know if I am actually barren. I just know that despite the doctors giving me green lights across the board, I have no baby to show for 5-6 years of trying.)

On top of everything was a lack of children. My dream was to have children & to raise them intentionally to be lights out in the dark world for Christ long after I am gone, but God withheld even that from me. I felt like He was saying I wasn’t even good enough for that gift.

I thought maybe if I had purpose as a Mom… Someone to keep me company & love me… Someone I could love & pour into…. But God kept saying no. It crushed my spirit.

(*As an update on children, God has really shone light & hope into that area for me so that it no longer haunts me with disappointment, bitterness & pain… check out my blog post on it, here.)

The Crazy Got Worse

And then the rage came.

To people that ask, I describe it as having had a rage monster living inside of me, who thrashes & scrapes at me constantly. The rage began controlling my life.

And the sadness. The tears.

The triggers seemed to grow exponentially as things that once seemed to roll of my back as no big deal now seemed like it was the end of the world. When once I would shrug & laugh it off, now it seemed to rip through to my core, erupting tears of despair or uncontrolled bouts of rage.

I felt my sanity slipping & it scared me!

I remember calling Jamie when I was on home leave (with him meeting me in a week or so), crying because I thought that being away from the stress would relax me, but that I still felt uncontrolled rage & sadness at every tiny trigger. I was crushed!

Don’t get me wrong, I still had good hours, days, & weeks, but it was just that when things used to just slide off me, now they consumed me with anger or despair. I knew, logically, that there was no reason to feel so distraught, but it didn’t seem to matter. Imagine PMS that never ends & your emotions are on a constant roller coaster to the extreme.

And It Got Worse

And my language. WOW. Growing up in a Christian home, I always watched my mouth (soapy tongue was the consequence if I didn’t control it). And then, all of a sudden my language was more foul that I had ever heard from those who let it flow. (All of this was under my breath or when no one was around, but when no one was home, it was screamed.)

As an example, in trying to pack up our nativity scene after one Christmas, the Styrofoam packaging kept breaking apart, would not fit back together properly, & thus was a struggle to get it back into the box. My reaction? Dropping the Styrofoam with nativity piece & then chucking the box at the wall until it tore into several pieces, all while stringing together ten or more curse words at full volume (imagine a shrieking scream as I yelled them). Then? Tears.

The crazy was getting real & I couldn’t figure out how to make it stop.

Hurting Those Around Me

That became my life. It took everything in me to keep from doing that in front of Jamie, but I would try to leave the room to react or write long hateful messages on my phone notes to get it out of my system before I could explode.

Our cat, Cisco, would even hide from me when I would erupt, too scared for me to touch him.

Broken, & Feeling Hopeless

I didn’t recognize myself. I was broken & I couldn’t seem to put myself together again.

Hope was slowly draining out of every pore in me.

No one seemed to understand. Everyone had flat suggestions that I had tried a billion times. They seemed to be slowly stepping away from me, trying to avoid my stress from seeping into their own lives.

I felt SO ALONE!

A Safe Space

Luckily, because Jamie knew my history with depression, he was a safe space for me, which gave me some control over it completely devouring my life & sending me to suicide, but I was barely holding on each day.

When we had the choice to leave Hokkaido or extend, I told Jamie, “Here is my opinion. Either we leave as soon as we are contractually allowed to go, or we sign me up for counseling as soon as we possibly can because I am falling apart & I need serious help. This is not a drill. This is not an exaggeration. This is not a temporary emotional tremor. I need help. NOW. Because, if we do not leave the immensely consuming stress triggers or if I don’t get help soon, I am going to be a risk for suicide. I need help now.”

He listened, thankfully, & we moved within a few months. Praise GOD.

Recovering from the Damage

But the damage had already been done & it followed me like a threatening plague that had infiltrated my life.

I started asking God for help.

My prayers were barely believing, merely out of desperation, & they sounded something like, “I don’t know if You even care about me anymore or why You’re letting me just keep suffering, but somehow I know You must have a plan. Don’t You? Help me! I have nothing left, but I need help, so please help me.”

My Faith Was Small, But My God Is BIG

I barely believed He would even do anything.

Barely believed… you might say I had only a mustard seed-sized faith. Sound familiar? (Luke 17:6)

I had nothing left to give. Nothing to contribute to getting better. Nothing to offer God to use to help me.

I was broken & beaten. I was scarred & scared. I was sad & lonely. I was angry & bitter & hurt. No strength left to even lick my wounds. Just exhausted & done fighting it. I felt hurt at the woman I had become from a woman of strong faith in God’s ability, power, & love, to a woman sniveling on the floor, not strong enough to even lift her head out of the muck that was my life.

But, GOD

But. God. Can.

He. Is. Able.

When I can’t, He can.

When I can’t offer anything, He offers His all.

When I see no foreseeable victory, He conquers it all.

When I give up, He stays faithful.

When I am broken, He heals me.

He. Is. Enough.

There IS Hope

So, in those moments where you feel you’re not enough… When you feel like your life is falling apart & there is no fix in sight… GOD CAN.

When you feel resentful & bitter & have given up… GOD CAN.

When you feel you can’t fix it… GOD CAN.

When you are a complete failure with no value left to offer the world… GOD CAN.

GOD. CAN.

Sometimes, He lets us face the hardest trials of life where we cannot see any hope or good coming from it, but GOD HAS A PLAN.

God Is Mighty!!

In those moments we have the opportunity to see just how GREAT & MIGHTY & POWERFUL God is, because we know that none of it was from us!

Cling to Him. Lean into Him. Collapse into His arms or at His feet. Cry out to Him. Be honest with Him.

Ask for a heart change to allow you to trust Him when you don’t.

Just. Trust. Him.

GOD. CAN.

You have a choice between two statements:

“God, I can’t do this. I am broken. I am bitter & angry & sad. I fail at everything. I don’t have anything left to give. I give up.”

OR

“God, I can’t do this. I am broken. I am bitter & angry & sad. I fail at everything. I don’t have anything left to give. But You are MIGHTY. Help me to trust YOU. Help me to cling to YOU. Thought the storm may rage around me, yet I will trust in YOU.”

Amen?

AMEN!

I hope this has encouraged someone. I hope this has helped you see that in the hopeless, there is still hope.

Only. In. Christ Jesus.

Shine HOPE!

Coming Next Week

Check back every Monday morning EST for more encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Legacy Necklace

This necklace features a cream & grey chevron pendant made from ethically collected bone & resin, which distributes 20 strands of shimmering fringe.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & they grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & to send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!