The Grand Finale

So, here we are on Week 3 of our Matthew 5 “ladder” of a life given to, lived for (& through), & hoped in God!

It’s exciting to see the growth we can experience as we surrender more of ourselves to the hope & security & strength & peace & wisdom of God, isn’t it!? So much better than going it alone & in your own strength, wisdom, & willpower.

This week covers the last few rungs of this ladder, but first, a quick recap.

(To catch up on the first 6 rungs of this ladder of a life lived for God, make sure to read Part 1 & Part 2 by clicking their respective links.)

We started off by reading Matthew 5:1-12, which you can click here to read on Biblegateway.com before we get started.

So, here is what we have covered so far:

1. “Blessed are the poor in spirit…”

This one refers to a personal awareness of our own sin (doing it our way & disregarding or rebelling against God’s way), our own depravity (inability to even the scales & save ourselves), & our need for Someone outside of ourselves to make us right again before God (AKA Jesus Christ—read more about this on my Hope Is Found tab on this site.)

We are blessed in this realization, as Matthew 5 tells us, because we can then be made right before God & ours is the kingdom of heaven. Pretty great, right?!

2. “Blessed are those who mourn…”

Once we realize how truly wrong we really are in God’s eyes (the only ones that actually matter in light of our eternal punishment or peace), despite our lifelong efforts to prove how good we are, but always coming up short… it is only natural to mourn… to feel the weight of our wrongs & our sin & how much we have disappointed God & rebelled against Him.

But, again, He promises us blessedness because He won’t leave us in our grief & mourning, but instead He promises that we shall be comforted. We have been saved (through Jesus) by a compassionate & loving God who cares for us!

3. “Blessed are the meek…”

Once we realize just how Good God is for rescuing us when we least deserve it & once He has comforted our grief over our wrongs, we step up onto rung 3 of our ladder in putting our strength & power under His control, letting Him take the reins of our lives.

We are promised blessedness in this again, because when we are letting God make the calls in our life, we find so much more richness in life as we inherit the earth.

4. “Blessed are those who hunger & thirst for righteousness…”

And now that we have a taste for this “richness in life” from giving God control of our lives more & more, we begin to naturally crave more. We begin to hunger & seek after living God’s way, as written in His Word—the Bible.

And God promises blessedness in that when we hunger & thirst for more of living His way, we will be filled.

5. “Blessed are the merciful…”

As we begin to strive after living God’s way, we see His heart for people, including us. We begin to have a heart of mercy & forgiveness for others, whether they deserve it or not (if they did deserve it, it wouldn’t be considered mercy).

We see how He has treated our sin by meeting it with grace & mercy & love & comfort… & we begin to desire to love the people He loves (*everyone) in that same way. And when we do, He promises blessedness in being shown mercy ourselves.

6. “Blessed are the pure in heart…”

As I mentioned last week, this pure in heart is intending to portray an UNDIVIDED heart. In other words, we are seeing more & more the blessings come from a life seeking to be lived God’s way that we no longer are as interested in what everything else has to offer.

We begin to filter everything through a focus of giving God the honor He so rightly deserves & making sure the world knows just how magnificent & gracious & powerful & loving He really is! Everything begins to be filtered through this focus in how we love our family & friends, spouse, children, strangers, & even our enemies. He is the true focus in how we live in all areas of our lives—the way it was always meant to be!

And guess what, God promises that we will “see God”. We will begin to hear His truth from the Bible wash across our minds in distress. We begin to hear His wisdom answer our calls for help. We begin to see His hands working all around us, His majesty & power & love coming into a fuller, brighter picture in everyday life! How amazing to strive for a life lived this way!

And now we step up to the 7^th rung of our ladder, as we near the top:

7. “Blessed are the Peacemakers…”

As I mentioned above in #6, “Everything [in life] begins to be filtered through this focus [on all God is & all He has done for us & all He rightly deserves from how we honor Him] in how we love our family & friends, spouse, children, strangers, & even our enemies.”

We are learning to see who God really is, not who people claimed He was or who we misunderstood Him to be, but who He REALLY is—gracious, kind, loving, patient, sacrificial, merciful, gentle, all-wise, all-powerful, Creator, Redeemer, Lover of all mankind… & we want the world to know Him the way we are starting to see Him.

We want to help shine the light of HOPE, pointing others to this same HOPE we have found in Jesus Christ!

It’s no longer a “take it or leave it, I don’t care,” but becomes a desperate cry of our hearts to see people find this same freedom & hope & peace & strength & wisdom & power & LOVE that we have found in Jesus!

We become the Peacemakers, seeking to share Jesus with others, so that they can find this same HOPE.

God says we will be blessed in this heart cry because we will be called children of God.

We are His. No one can change that or take that away. He holds us fast & strong for all eternity. We are sealed. We are set. We are FORGIVEN. And we want that for everyone else, too!

8. “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake…”

Our flesh, our natural selves loves itself. It loves sin because it is attractive & instantly gratifying, a perverted (distorted) version of the richness of life we crave in Heaven, watered down into a sick reflection of the truth, twisted into a lie.

And people will hate us for standing against their addiction to temporary & fleeting pleasure… they won’t understand & they will hate us for it sometimes.

But yet, we know the Truth. We know its true value. We know the peace & love & grace & freedom & power wrapped up in it & given to us by the sacrificial love & blood of Jesus Christ. We know how much they all matter to HIM.

So Worth It!

And so we continue this honorable fight against that deadly grasp of sin, seeking with all our heart to honor God & give Him glory in how we love those people who reject Him but who mean SO MUCH to Him. We are peacemakers with a purpose to see the lost found, to show them hope that won’t disappoint or hurt or abandon them, but will comfort & heal & fulfill them.

And we hold on to this hope, knowing how much it matters, despite their mockery, slander, rejection, & hurt, because we know Him & we know how much they matter to Him.

And here it comes full circle, in saying that just as we realized our need for Jesus Christ & we reached out to Him as our Savior & thus we find eternal life & eternal hope by joining the Kingdom of Heaven, we are reminded once again that no matter what comes of the persecution against us & no matter how much it may hurt on any given day… Ours is the Kingdom of Heaven.

An Encouraging Arrival to the Top of the Ladder of a Life Lived for God!

This is but our temporary home—a mere shadow of the extravagant love & peace & joy that is to come where we are headed—when we go to heaven– (If we have accepted Jesus as our Savior!)

And it is repeated again at the end of Matthew 5 with more detail on how they will persecute us, “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, & falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.” (Matthew 5:11)

And He (all of Matthew 5 is actually quoted from Jesus speaking) tells us just a bit more than “just” the blessedness of our part in the Kingdom in Heaven, in verse 12. “Rejoice & be glad, because great is your reward in heaven; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets before you.” (Emphasis mine.)

An Eternal Hope

Life isn’t promised to be easy, ever.

But this journey is just our temporary home. We have eternal hope to look forward to.

So, come what may, we can rest in knowing to Whom we belong & to where we are going.

Keep seeking to know & love God MORE (or even at all if you need to start there). Ask for His help. It won’t happen all overnight, but it will continue to grow the more you entrust your growth to Him.

Always Trust He Is Waiting to Help You All Along the Way!

If you want it, but struggle—ask for His help.

If you want it, but feel trapped by the sparkly sin that snares you—ask for His help.

If you want it, but you’re too afraid you’re not worth it to Him—ask for His help (because He died for you!!)

If you hurt—ask for His help.

If you just don’t know how to do it—ask for His help.

If you keep failing—ask for His help (& keep failing forward).

If you feel too weak—ask for His help.

In ALL things that threaten to hold onto your ankles as you crave to climb this ladder—ASK FOR HIS HELP!!!!!

Push Out the Lies & Cling to the Truth

Don’t let Satan lie to you that a struggle means God will give up on you—He won’t!

Don’t let Satan lie to you that your past is just beyond forgiveness—because it isn’t!

Trust GOD & CLING to Him EVERY step of the way! He’s got you, babe.

Shine Hope by seeking to live a life that is ever-climbing this ladder in Matthew 5 of a life given to, lived for (& through), & hoped in GOD.

It is worth it 100%.

Coming Next Week

I hope you enjoyed these last 3 weeks as much as I did! They were such an encouragement of the hope found in diligently seeking to climb this ladder in life, why it’s SO worth it, & remembering to ask for His help every step of it!

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Lotus Earrings

Hand cut suede makes these maroon flower petal-inspired earrings a perfect statement.

Artisan Information:

In India, many women are forced to work in sweatshops with unfair pay & dangerous conditions. But with every purchase, the women who make this product are now working in a safe environment, being paid a fair wage & seeing their lives change for the better! They also have access to education & financial counseling. You are empowering women to have freedom to dream again!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Quick Reminders

So, last week we talked through some thoughts from the beginning of Matthew 5.

I never really understood this passage of “Blessed are…. For the shall…” verses, but in my recent study, I learned to see them as a sort of ladder for a life given to, lived for, & hoped rested in God.

I also wanted to remind us to see these not as, “It’s a good thing if you…. For you will be blessed,” but rather, “When you…, you will be blessed.”

PART 1 Recap–Matthew 5

(All emphasis/brackets are mine in verses.)

We already talked about the first three rungs of this ladder last week, in Part 1, but let’s do a quick review.

1. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God.” (Matthew 5:3)

This one, as we discussed last week, refers to a recognition of our own depravity (our own sin & a realization that our “good” deeds cannot save us—that we need a Savior outside of ourselves—Jesus Christ).

We are blessed in this recognition because we are opened to receive God’s free gift of grace & reconciliation to God through Jesus Christ, allowing us to join the kingdom of God!

2. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)

When we realize how wretched & helpless to save ourselves that we really are, it is natural to mourn & to feel grief over how we have mistreated God.

But God doesn’t leave us in that grief-stricken state. He offers us His comfort!

3. “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” (Matthew 5:5)

As we discussed last week, meek means strength/power under control versus timid/pushover. The implications being that instead of self-solving, self-soothing, & self-shielding… we learn to hand over the reins of how our life is lived to God. We give Him control instead of claiming it ourselves.

I also want to remind us that this is a lifelong process of learning to give more & more of ourselves to Him. Give yourself grace, fail forward, & ask for His help in doing it every step of the way!

(To catch more on each of the above three rungs of the ladder, read PART 1/3, here.)

And now that we’re all caught up, we move onto the next few rungs of this ladder:

4. Blessed Are Those Who Hunger & Thirst for Righteousness

“Blessed are those who hunger & thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.” (Matthew 5:6)

Once we realize our own depravity & need for Jesus Christ, mourn over our sin & wretchedness (& are comforted), & then submit the reins of our life to doing it God’s way… we begin to hunger & thirst for righteousness.

Basically, we get a taste for the goodness in God’s way of life & we want more.

We want to learn more about what pleases Him & honors Him & how He designed it to be. We want to cling to His way!

It doesn’t mean we’ll get it right all the time or even that we will always have the right attitude (I have to pray & ask God for help with a willingness to seek Him sometimes on days when rebelliousness is luring me every other way).

But it does mean that we hunger for it. We thirst for it. We want more of it in our lives!

We recognize that our way led to pain & dissatisfaction & emptiness & we want to be filled with Him in all areas of our lives, to feel complete, loved, filled, purposeful, secure, steady, & healed! Those are the things that come naturally in living a life lived for Him—even in the struggles!

And God promises that we will be blessed because we will be filled!

5. Blessed Are the Merciful

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.” (Matthew 5:7)

Once we have seen God’s mercy & tasted the freedom, the healing, the filled joy that comes in it… naturally, we begin to see others in need of that same mercy & grace that we didn’t deserve either.

(NOTE: This one can be difficult for us (including me) when someone intentionally hurts us. It is definitely an area we should ask God for help with when we want to hold a grudge or a hurt. Trust Him with healing & a right perspective.)

So, being merciful means basically having a forgiving heart. It means recognizing that the other person is equally loved by the same God who loves us SO MUCH.

Be quick to forgive.

Because, when we are merciful to others, God says we will be blessed in also receiving mercy. So, let’s strive to live that way toward each other, shall we?

6. Blessed Are the Pure in Heart

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” (Matthew 5:8)

Have you ever wondered how people seem to hear from God when they pray? Well, hopefully talking about this verse will shed some light into that.

When I looked up “pure in heart”, the definition that stood out to me was “undivided.” Basically implying that the more you turn the reins of your life over to God & the more that you crave to learn & live God’s way & the more you seek to extend the same mercy to others that you were given by God… the more your heart will become undivided in its focus to live completely for Him in all things & to look to & turn to Him through every situation or struggle or trial or pain.

He becomes our main focus in life—the way it was always intended to be, like walking together with Him in the Garden of Eden, except now with a broken-by-sin world (in which we need Him all the more).

Oh, how blessed this is… how irreplaceable… how indescribable!

An Undivided Heart Begins to See His Work & Love All Around Us!

You may be intimidated (as I was) over the wording of this “pure in heart” knowing how impure we are… & we may never perfect this in our lifetime, as we still battle with our flesh while on this earth—but as we seek to grow in being undivided, we begin to also recognize God’s voice.

Sometimes it’s a whisper across our heart when we are drenched in sadness, reminding us how loved we are & how capable He is to be our strength in the unrelenting storm.

Sometimes it’s an inner strength & courage (coming from outside ourselves aka the Holy Spirit) when we turn to Him in times of great fear or worry, knowing He can handle anything.

Sometimes it’s a whisper of a verse you memorized once, reminding you of God’s Truth in the midst of Satan’s guilt-saturated shame game that he tries to torment us with our past.

Seek Him in & for All Things

It’s an undivided focus that is grown out of a heart & mind & efforts devoted to God in how we seek Him through prayer & through reading/studying His Word, the Bible.

And when we live that way, we are blessed with seeing God work in the mess. We see His fingerprints in every situation, working it out for our good. We are comforted seeing Him at work all around us, even to the displayed splendor of His majesty in His ever-changing artwork of the sky. We SEE Him everywhere.

And we see Him in His love for those He loves—every person past, present, & future. Angelic facades & outward rebellion & everyone in between. He loves them all.

Shine HOPE

And, in preparation for next week’s grand finale of this life lived for God, that’s where we’ll leave it for this week!

Shine HOPE by realizing your need for Him, mourning your mistakes, being comforted by God, turning the reins of your life to Him, seeking to learn & live His way, being merciful to others as you have been shown mercy, & seek above all to have an undivided heart for God, through Jesus Christ’s sacrifice & the help of the Holy Spirit, through prayer & the study of God’s Word!!

 He’s got you, babe.

Coming Next Week

Next week is Part 3/3 of this topic! Woot!

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Onyx Necklace

Modern hammered brass necklace features 3 genuine onyx drops.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty for families & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Tried Already…

I don’t know about you, but this has been a common theme in my life. If I can’t figure out how to accomplish something, I just avoid it.

Whether it be organizing something that I don’t quite understand how or whether it be a life situation, if I know I should do it, but don’t know how… I feel like I just can’t.

Anyone Else?

One good example of this is reading my Bible consistently.

Do you feel like that comes easy for you? Or do you struggle beyond reading a few verses here & there (if any)?

If you know my testimony, found HERE, you know I accepted Jesus’ grace when I was a child… & YET, I could never seem to be consistent reading my Bible beyond a few weeks or so of motivation.

Soo Many Reasons (AKA Obstacles)

It wasn’t that I didn’t care, it just seemed either boring, unrelatable, or that the many of life’s obstacles seemed to keep me from getting into it long-term.

Once I realized how much I could really gain from reading the Bible: eternal perspective, God’s Truths, hope, relatable stories of others failing or seeing how God came through for them, “boring & unrelatable” were no longer my opinion of Bible reading, & YET, it still seemed almost impossible to be consistent.

“I Promise I Love God, But…”

I often felt like I had to make excuses for it or defend how I loved God because it made me feel like either a bad Christian or a failure of one. I had tried COUNTLESS times to get into it & would always seem to be overwhelmed by an onslaught of obstacles that always got in the way.

I sort of kept that detail (of not reading my Bible regularly) on the downlow so no one would think poorly of me or doubt my salvation &/or love of God.

It was embarrassing & riddled me with guilt.

But I just could NOT seem to keep up with it.

SO MANY Obstacles!

Whenever I made effort, the obstacles seemed to overcome me instantly.

Either I would get sick, have a headache, forget, get distracted, be exhausted, feel stubborn/rebellious, or just flat out not do it.

Trying to read my Bible daily seemed like trying to run up a snowy/slick hill. I might make it up a bit, but then I would slide all the way back to the beginning.

It made me stop trying after a while, thinking I am just not good at it.

MAJOR Perspective Shift in Knowing God Can Help

But then I read Andrew Murray’s collection of writings on Prayer.

One thing he thoroughly emphasized is how the current church culture is training people to be burnt out, exhausted, & full of shame at not feeling like a good enough Christian.

The ingredient he stressed is missing from our training is the key to everything we’re missing in this equation: God’s help.

The Lie: If Christian, We Should Just Be Able to Do It on Our Own

I feel like oftentimes, it is sort of an understood lie that if we are Christian, therefore having God’s power to help us, that means we should automatically succeed at everything we try. Therefore, it is often thought that if we are NOT succeeding, we must not be believing hard enough or are maybe not a good enough Christian.

WRONG.

The Truth: We Need to Draw from Him in Order to Succeed

The truth is that if we are Christian, we have been forgiven & are allowed ACCESS to God’s power, but we must go to Him & draw from Him to receive it! And I don’t mean, read your Bible enough & prove your sincerity & then you can have it… NO. I mean ASK HIM FOR HELP.

We are allowed to ASK GOD FOR HELP in obeying Him & honoring Him with our lives!!

In fact, not only are we ALLOWED to ask Him for help, we SHOULD be asking for His help.

He Is the VINE… We Are Just Branches

He. Is. Our. VINE.

We are mere branches & without drawing FROM HIM, we are just a dead stick on the ground.

So, ask Him.

Ask Him to help you have courage. Ask Him to give you wisdom. Ask Him for help in setting aside time for Him. Ask Him for focus. Ask Him for clarity. Ask Him for the willpower to do it!

Not As an Excuse to Not Act

And I don’t mean, “God, please help me with this & until I feel helped to my liking, I just won’t do it. I’ll go do what I would rather do right now until you do all the work for me.”

NO.

I mean, “God, I am [stubborn & hard-hearted, lazy, distracted, or tired], please give me [clarity, willpower, strength, courage, peace, etc.] to do this & knowing this honors You, I know You will help me & that in my own strength, I will fail a million times. So, I will stay here & keep asking & act on the knowledge & faith that You are capable of & will help me to obey & follow You. I need You AS I DO IT. Amen.”

Be willing to ACT on FAITH that HE is your solution… that if there is ANY way for you to be consistent & faithful, God can accomplish filling in where you lack.

Leaning in Where I Lack… (AKA Everything)

Doing this… leaning into Him when I want to quit or just don’t feel like it physically, mentally, emotionally, whatever… is the ONLY way I am able to be consistent in reading my Bible EVERY DAY for THREE YEARS now.

Taking This Truth to Other Excuses/”Failures”

And now, my challenge rests in improving personal time with Him, talking with Him, sharing my burdens with Him, asking for His help with trauma of my past & my hurts in the midst of emotions, telling Him everything I am so grateful to Him for, & coming to Him to intercede on behalf of others I care about.

My new challenge is trusting Him to help me pray more frequently, deeply, & meaningfully.

And the same rule applies. I need to trust God with help in it versus saying, “I’m just not very good at setting aside time for or focusing on prayer.”

I may not be good at it, but where I am limited, He is limitless.

Because He Can

It’s time we stop focusing on where we end & instead, start leaning into the One who has all we need to accomplish what He asks of us & all that honors Him & brings Him glory in this hurting world that needs Him so much.

He’s worth it!

Shine HOPE by asking for His help in how to do it, when to do it, & help in what you need in order to do it. He has all you need, Lovely!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Restoring Hope Necklace

This versatile, reversible necklace features mother of pearl in hues of black on one side & off-white on the other, hanging from an antiqued brass chain.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Although I Try…

One of the hardest parts of life, for me, is being aware of my own humanity.

It’s hard to know that I have limits & that I can’t do whatever I want whenever I want however I want.

It’s hard to know I mess up, make mistakes, & don’t always get it right when I am convinced I can handle it.

It’s hard to feel like quitting when you feel the pressure to be so much more than you are.

It’s just hard being human sometimes.

But, I Thought You Had a Handle on All This Because You Run a Blog? Nope

I know that some of you may have been following my blog for the one & a half years I have been doing it & maybe feel that I am such a “stronger Christian” than you are.

I can tell you right now that that is a big NOPE.

I am no stronger or better than anyone else reading this, but I serve a STRONG God who offers His help when we seek Him for it.

I am human. I drop the ball. I have doubts led by my desire to do things my way instead of God’s way. (I think becoming a “strong Christian” only comes when we realize how weak we really are & how much we actually need Him.)

It is ONLY by leaning into God for help in my MANY weak days/moments that I am able to accomplish ANYTHING of any worth. Otherwise, I would toss it all away for a cream soda & some tv show binge-watching or PS4 gaming on the couch.

My Flesh Is Weak… Can You Relate?

I also have a bent toward rebellion, like is so common for many of us, isn’t it?

Fighting my flesh is one of my least favorite parts about my humanity.

As Jesus put it to His disciples, right before He was taken to die on the cross for our sins, “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41)

Isn’t that the truth?

Rebellion Vs. Submission… A Trust Issue

My heart longs to go all in & trust God with every fiber of my being, knowing He loves me more than everyone I know combined (& then a whole lot more!) & yet sometimes, in the quiet moments, I find myself bent toward indignation & obstinance.

Submitting is hard. Trusting is hard. I want my way.

I don’t want to have to trust Anyone else. I don’t want to have to listen to anyone else or do what anyone else tells me to do.

I want to do things MY way, however flawed that way may be… regardless of the fact that it may hurt myself or others (because that is precisely what sin does—it causes harm to self & others).

Taking Every Thought Captive… Not Letting Stray Thoughts Rule Your Heart

I am prone to pride & selfishness… Self-protection.

I have to sometimes constantly do exactly what the Bible tells us when it says, “We demolish arguments & every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, & we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ,”(2 Corinthians 10:5) because I know deep down that He really does know far better than me & that every single time I have gone out in trusting Him, it has proved to be absolutely worth it every single time.

And yet I still resist sometimes.

We Are Freed from the Consequences of Sin, But Not the Temptation of It

Becoming a Christian doesn’t mean we will no longer struggle against our humanity, it means we are saved from being a slave to it. It means we are freed from the consequences of it.

I heard it said best, by author Courtney Doctor, when she said something like, “before we become Christian, we are not able to not sin, but once we let Christ take our sin on Himself by trusting in Him for our salvation, we are now able to not sin.”

In other words, I now have God’s help in not submitting to the temptations that fight for my attention. Will I always turn to Him for that help? Unlikely. I will make mistakes… But God is willing to help me when I ask Him for it.

The Hope in Our Humanity

That is the hope in all of this… in our humanity & the war raging for our attention… when we have submitted ourselves to Him as our Redeemer & when we lean into Him for help, “taking every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ,” He helps us overcome.

Praying for “Backup”

Will we resist in pride sometimes, yes. But this is what I pray in those moments:

“God, I don’t want to listen to You right now. I want to do this my way. I know you are nudging a warning in my mind that this is the wrong path, but it’s MY path & I want to take it. Please help me fight the war in my heart right now. I am too weak to fight back because I feel like I want it so badly. Please help me! Help me want Your way. Help me to see that You are King & Almighty God & my Creator & Redeemer & ONLY You know what is truly best. Help me to trust You. I want Your way because I know it is best but I am feeling so stubborn right now & I don’t want to care about what is best, only what I want. Please help me change my heart to follow You only. Amen.”

God Offers His Help to Overcome

Don’t let Satan convince you that because you feel stubborn or because you mess up that God doesn’t love you… FAR FROM IT!! And don’t let him convince you that it’s all up to you & self-willpower, because it isn’t.

Instead, tell Satan to “talk to the hand” (as once was actually cool to say), & then turn to prayer for God’s grace, forgiveness, & help. God will never neglect to offer you all of those things.

It’s okay to be human… it’s what you were created to be. You were created to need God’s help. You weren’t created to be God… God already has that role covered better than we could ever hope to pull off.

So, submit to Him in your humanity & ask for His help, His wisdom, His courage, His peace, & His strength.

You already have full access to His love, His mercy, His grace, & His care.

1 Peter 5:7 says it right here: “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”

Shine HOPE by accepting His help through your own humanity, because He cares for you.

((*And yes, I forgot completely about our Special Feature Post this month the day after Christmas! Oops. Further proof that I am imperfect. I hope you can forgive me as we get back on track after the holidays!))

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Wisdom Necklace

Intricately handcrafted petals carved from ethically collected bone set in golden frames.

Artisan Information:

In India, poverty is rampant & fair working conditions are hard to find. But with every purchase, women are receiving an income, access to healthcare, adult literacy programs, & self-help groups! Not only does this change their lives, but they are also pouring back into their communities & helping others! You have the opportunity to empower thousands of women in India!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Trending: Exhaustion

I have seen a consistent theme in many Christian circles… Many people seem to think that the more they DO for God, the better a Christian or God-follower they are.

I am here to break that harmful thought pattern with a little truth we could all stand to benefit from (including me).

Being a “good” Christian is not about how many “godly” things you cross off of your list, it is about leaning into God with more & more of your life.

The Beauty of Letting God be GOD

In other words, being a “good” Christian is about trusting God to lead versus trying to cover all the bases, exhausting ourselves, & missing the mark completely.

We need to learn to understand the beauty of surrender… the beauty of letting God rule our minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, etc.

God has a beautiful & vast plan that is both all-encompassing & intimately personal to each individual.

He doesn’t need our help figuring out how to carry out His plans.

What God Needs

God needs us to be still & to wait on Him. He needs us to listen. He needs us to be willing to let Him lead. He needs us to trust Him enough to obey when He leads our hearts. He needs us to surrender our ideas to His will. He needs us to use our resources according to His nudging versus our earthly & thus greatly shortsighted understanding.

And sometimes, He needs us to LET GO of what He has NOT asked us to do in a season of life… but that we keep clinging to because to us it defines our level of commitment to God.

His Plans Are Not Our Plans

God is trying to show you YOUR individually created purpose & the joys of seeing all that He has set before you in His wonderful plan.

He wants us to join in HIS plan.

You see, being a “good” Christian is not about how much you accomplish for God, but in how much you trust Him & let Him lead your steps. It’s about making Him Lord over your life.

But… But…

I understand the temptation to want to prove our loyalty or love for Him.

I understand the pressure to prove to others that I am a “good enough” Christian or that I am doing “enough” for God.

I understand wanting to be Martha (Luke 10:38-42) aka a good hostess for my Lord.

But God wants more of our HEARTS.

Should we be willing to live out our faith, in action? Yes! But that should be done by leaning into God & letting Him determine & lead those actions, versus trying to do it all.

God Is Not Asking Us to “FIX” the World, But to Carry Out Our Given Purpose While in It

On this side of heaven, the world will never be perfect. God is not asking us to change that & He is not putting the pressure on our shoulders to make this world perfect.

What He is asking is for us to lean into Him & ask Him what His will for our day/life is.

Not to do it all, but to do what He has planned for YOU.

We have to be willing to trust Him to handle the rest.

We Want to be the Hero… But God Has Already Won the War

Are there gaps that you see & you want to fill it all in? Don’t jump to fill every void if you are already obeying God’s steps for you. Instead, ask for His wisdom & guidance & will & trust HIM to be the Hero.

Maybe He will help you restructure so that the need that is stressing you out is no longer needed in the same way.

Maybe God sends help from somewhere unexpected.

Maybe that thing is not actually needed at this time & maybe He is asking you to let it go & trust Him.

My point is this… God sees what we do not… & we should be trusting in Him & leaning into Him instead of trying to replace Him by doing it all for the God of the universe.

Saying “No” When It’s Hard

When I was out of high school, I faced my second battle with depression/anxiety. I was angry & sad a lot & didn’t know how to stop it. I had suicidal thoughts quite often.

So, I ended up seeing a therapist to help me understand the battle waging in my mind & she helped me see outside of my own loop of solutions that never worked but went like this:

Stressor -> Anger/sadness -> Suicidal thoughts -> Stuffing it -> Stressor -> Anger/sadness, etc. (It was a downward spiraling loop.)

She showed me a doorway I never knew was there before: to say “No” versus trying to be everyone’s everything.

My anxiety was brought on by my inability to say “no” or “not now” to others… I never wanted anyone to feel let down or alone–both wonderful things, but I needed to instill balance in my life.

The reality was that I COULD NOT be everyone’s everything… It simply was not possible.

Don’t Burn Out… Look to Him & Rest in His Plan/Purposes

The same is true with Christian living.

If we go about life trying to fill in every gap & perfect every imperfection that we see in this world, we will quickly become despairing & exhausted.

God doesn’t need us to fill His shoes. He needs us to obey where He calls us, specifically.

And we won’t know what that moment-by-moment, daily calling is unless we are leaning into Him for direction, wisdom, strength, & guidance.

Maybe, Just Maybe, He Knows “Just a Little Bit” More

Maybe He sees a side door or new direction/way that you have been ignoring or unknowingly bypassing.

Maybe He sees a person willing to step up that you have overlooked.

Maybe He knows a little (a WHOLE LOT) more than we do.

Maybe we should let Him be God & surrender our hearts & lives to serve His will, plan, & design in just the ways He personally calls us to… & leave the rest to Him.

Abiding more is all about leaning into Him more… direction, wisdom, guidance, strength, power, a way where there is no way, love, patience, joy, kindness, compassion, hope, grace, mercy, & everything else we need.

Pray, & ask Him to show you what that should look like in your own life.

A Prayer to Let Go… And to Act Where He Leads

“Lord, I feel like I am trying to do it all. I want to please You, but I understand that You don’t need me to do it all in order for You to accomplish Your will & way. Help me to let You have the control instead of trying to maintain it myself. You are not dependent on me for everything that You desire for this world. Help me to let go of control & offer it to Your able hands instead. Teach me to trust You to be GOD. Help me to see where you want me to give up certain things that You are not asking of me & help me see the areas You are asking me to fill. If there is a job or action that you want to restructure or omit for now, please make it clear to me & teach me to walk in You, letting You lead my every step, including how I serve You, whom I reach out to, how I spend my resources, etc. You are God. Teach me to trust You with more & more of my life every day because of Your great love for me, Your great love for this world, & Your infinite wisdom & power. Thank You for all that You are. I love You. Amen.”

Letting Him be God Over It ALL

Becoming a full-time Christian happens by learning the beautifully freeing art of letting Him be God of every area of your life… NOT by trying to do it all.

He can handle it, trust me.

Shine Hope by bowing your will to His way, & leaning into Him through every step of the way.

Coming Next Week

Join me this Thursday morning for our December Special Feature post & then also every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Holly Necklace

Holly is one of the founders of Trades of Hope & her passion is to empower women to be all God created them to be & to live out their potential. Whether she is visiting the women living in the brothels of Asia or in hometown USA, her desire is to see women live out their calling with pride & dignity. This piece is a reflection of the pride & skills a woman rescued from the brothels has when given the opportunity.

A delicate piece, this golden/pink druzy necklace with a golden chain sparkles in the light.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Closing a Series, But God Is Always At Work

Well, this is it, the final week of our Pivot moments for this series.

I am sure God will continue to flip my world upside down to exchange the lies I have come to believe for His truth, but for the sake of this series of pivotal moments, this is the last… for now.

God Is Working a Masterpiece

Today, it will get dark again, before the light shines through the clouds, revealing a marvelous plan that God had all along, but that I just then began to realize was there.

That’s how it always works with God.

We tend to fret & stress & worry & fear, as if God doesn’t already have a plan to fit all of the pieces together, making a breath-taking masterpiece out of the messy “colors” we saw as chaos.

AND, He doesn’t leave it at that… He offers us comfort & peace & strength to endure the hardships that lead up to that marvelous reveal, as we lean into Him for it.

And that is how He worked as He led me through my struggles in both Guam AND Hokkaido.

God Was Working a Plan I Didn’t See

God was working a plan to show Himself to me in a way that I needed to see.

He needed me to learn that my gifting was simply His way of working through my life & had little to do with how much I may or may not have deserved it.

The Ugly Pride

First, I feel it important to let you in on the fact that I struggled (& still do struggle) with pride because of my gifting from God.

Because certain things oftentimes seem so obvious & easy to me, to see deeper insight into a situation to know God’s truth & how it needs to be applied or how someone is avoiding God’s truth in a certain area… I began to believe that it must be that I care more about God & truth than others.

I know, I know… it sounds arrogant just reading that.

But although I didn’t think of it as pride, but more that I felt alone in wanting to serve the truth, it just wasn’t true that my gifting was equal to my personal deserving of it.

An Undeserved Gift

My gifting was simply what it sounds like… a gift… from God. Did it make me more perceptive than some others? Perhaps. But I still had weaknesses where others had great strengths.

This particular area just happened to be MY strength, leaving me to need help from others with DIFFERENT strengths… the whole “body of Christ”/”body of the Church” idea. All of our strengths (“giftings”) WORK TOGETHER & are GIFTS from God—not earned or deserved.

Obviously, the more obedient & trusting we are to God, the more He will choose to work in & through our gifting, but the gifting itself is… just a GIFT.

All that to say, I obviously needed both a lesson in humility & a lesson in it being from HIM & not me.

Walking through the Valley

And to accomplish this pivot in my life, God chose to allow me to walk through hardship… namely, loneliness in Guam & a life of strain, where I had very little control, living in Japan, in an area with VERY LITTLE English.

Living in those two places brought me to a place of feeling like very little that I accomplished had anything to do with what I had earned or deserved.

I was mainly just trying to get through to the next day, only sometimes remembering to pray for the strength & peace & wisdom & guidance to navigate each day & instead, relying on television show marathons & food to get me through it.

And it got worse.

Starting to Have “The Talk”-About Depression & Potential Cries for Help

Near the end of those six years, I had to start having a lot of conversations with Jamie about my history with depression & that if it got bad enough, slipping by unnoticed until it consumed me, & if I admitted that to him & asked for help, that he needed to get me emergency help.

Luckily, it never reached emergency status, but I guess in a way it did.

Over time, in Hokkaido, the mental strain & stress of never understanding (pretty much anything) of the world around me began to take a serious toll on my mind.

I began having emotional breakdowns over the smallest things.

I felt BROKEN, like a person who couldn’t function like a normal human being.

Paper-Thin Patience

To better express the strain… if I dropped an item once, even a small, slip-through-my-fingers drop… it required a deep breath of resolve to just pick it back up…. But a second drop? The item would get picked up with lightning speed & chucked at the nearest wall.

Patience was worn thin every moment. I had zero patience.

I crumbled at the slightest aggravation or inconvenience.

I cried or screamed or cursed so loud that I didn’t care if the whole world heard.

And I felt broken.

Broken

I understood this wasn’t normal. I understood that the average human being can manage to pick something up that had dropped just twice without feeling hatred explode out of her.

But I couldn’t stop it. I felt like something in me had short-circuited & I could no longer filter frustrations through logic & calm reserve to try again.

I just immediately would snap, without even considering it first or thinking it through.

It scared me how little control I had over my own brain & how it reacted to even minor difficulties.

And yet, through all of that, I felt God’s hand on me… as if He was reassuring me that He wouldn’t let go… that He had me still.

God Wasn’t Answering MY Way, So I Felt Forgotten

But I eventually stopped praying.

I felt deserted by God because the pain only got worse & the control over my own emotions melted slowly away.

I was trapped in a mental typhoon that swirled everything together & knocked all sense out of my life.

I was exhausted & frustrated. I felt broken & no longer whole or “normal” & I saw ZERO way to repair or fix it.

Every attempt seemed to laugh at me.

My prayers went “unanswered.”

Bitterness grew into an angry, snarling, jaded voice that screamed for relief at every corner.

Streaming Curse Words

I saw God walking beside me, in a sense, feeling Him there… but He wasn’t making all the pain stop. He wasn’t repairing my mind. He wasn’t calming the storm raging inside me.

So, I cried. A LOT.

My second (inner) language became strung-together curse words, screamed inside my mind.

I couldn’t turn off the rage that was starting to consume me, like a rage monster tearing away at me from the inside, bellowing its fierceness from within me.

Professional Help, Please!

As I finally confessed this inner battle to Jamie, upon our decision-making to stay in Hokkaido or move on, I told him the truth, “Jamie, I am really struggling. Either I need a professional counselor, or we need to leave to go somewhere less stressful on my brain. I need help.”

So, we moved to Misawa, Japan, near an American military base & the stress began to recede.

Even With My NOTHING

God showed me that even WHILE I was feeling broken & unfixable, bitter instead of trusting, & barely surviving through my mental typhoon each day, that He STILL chose to work through my life to bless others through my gifting.

In other words, EVEN WHEN I did NOTHING to earn or deserve anything, He still allowed me to be a blessing to others through HIS gifting.

Ex Nihilo

I used to think that it was up to us to bring the best of what we have & to be the best at everything ALL THE TIME & be everyone’s EVERYTHING, & ONLY THEN can God do miraculous, wonderful things in & through our lives.

BUT… in my failing… in my brokenness… in my falling apart… when I felt I had nothing to offer Him… HE STILL DID Mighty things, through ME!!

Like He showed us through Creation… God can do AMAZING things EX NIHILO (“From Nothing”).

Not Us, But HIM, THROUGH US

My gifting & my ability to bless others how He chooses to work through me, is not because I have proven any better than other people… but because He is a Mighty & Awesome & LOVING God who does great things despite my unworthiness, because He loves us so incredibly much.

He can take our NOTHING & make it a MASTERPIECE.

His Grace IS Sufficient

Even if our “leaning into Him” is as a paralytic who cannot even hold themselves up, HE HOLDS US UP in His strength, His mercy, His love, His power, His goodness, His forgiveness, His saving, HIS GRACE.

If you recognize a gifting God has given you when you chose to put your faith in Jesus as the Master & Redeemer of your life, learn from my mistakes… bow them at His feet & thank Him for blessing you with a way to bless others, through HIS GIFTING.

And then lean into Him to best use that gift to honor Him & to bring Him glory, by making Him famous wherever you go, loving others to Jesus, through truth & faith in Him. He will help you as you lean into Him.

Shine HOPE, by giving Him the little you have & letting Him multiply it, even if it feels as if you have little to nothing to offer Him… by LEANING INTO HIM.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Iris Earrings

Iridescent pink crystal beads sway on these golden teardrop hoops.

Artisan Information:

In Peru, rural citizens have been affected by extreme poverty & guerrilla warfare. Women are affected the worst as their husbands generally leave them in search of work. Many are unable to get the basic needs of food, shelter, & clothing. But with every purchase of this product, women are finding hope & an income by hand-making this beautiful product. Because of you, these family businesses are now empowering the next generation!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Peru!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

God Will Continue to Work

Well, we’re nearing the end of my pivotal moments series (for now). I know God will continue to shape me & continue to shake up my normal for His truth.

Trusting God AND Ourselves… Versus Just God

Today, we are following last week’s topic about trusting God through our struggles instead of coming up with our own solutions that, in turn, create new problems. (Like trusting in singleness & then panicking when God brings a relationship into your damaged heart life.)

It’s far too easy to try trusting God AND our own solution, versus JUST trusting GOD.

We tend to think the two are the same thing. Saying to ourselves & others, “I prayed (therefore, “trusting God”), but then I will do what I think will fix it versus waiting for His solution.”

So, it warrants a discussion about praying our way through fears, & trusting God, when we’re tempted to rely on our own strategy, “wisdom,” fears, etc.

(To read our Love Story, in short story form, check them out by clicking Part 1 & Part 2.)

But How?

But how does God answer our prayers? What does “trusting God only” even mean? How do we know what He wants when it’s different than what we want? How do you hear God’s answers? How do you even know His will if you can’t HEAR Him?

Those types of questions are so common & I have thought ALL of them. I still don’t have a comprehensive understanding of how God works & will probably always have something to learn when it comes to the answers to those questions.

But God oftentimes (pretty much exclusively) leads us with baby steps, versus dumping all of His infinite knowledge on us all at once.

Remember, He is an INFINITE God.

We, on the contrary, are FINITE.

But, baby steps.

So, when my now husband, Jamie, entered my life, I first panicked, then prayed.

Unbeknownst to Me

But unbeknownst to me, Jamie was already praying… & not about wanting a relationship with me.

He was ALSO praying to avoid another heartache.

But God kept nudging him… to me.

He kept avoiding… kept praying to stay single… but God would not let him ignore me.

It wasn’t a push to get married, just an undeniable push to befriend me.

This obviously clashed with my desire to avoid him at all costs, haha. Thanks, God.

And when I could no longer avoid him, upon him asking me on our first date, I finally had to stop running & start praying.

Praying My Desire Versus Praying to Trust God’s Plan

Now, let’s be clear that I HAD been praying the whole time… but not for God’s will, wisdom, & direction… but for me to stay single (what I thought I wanted aka what I thought would keep me safest from heartbreak).

And now, I had to make a clear decision & I had to ask God’s will & guidance & HELP. I had to be willing to trust God with both scenarios of relationship or singlehood, not just singlehood.

My Prayer

But then God whispered on my heart, “Do you remember what you have been praying these last few years?”

I did. It went something like, “God, help me to trust Your plan & not just the fears or perceptions I see in front of me. Help me to see that if I marry, you are wanting me to marry a man that will grow into the man I need, versus someone perfectly fit right now. Help me to see Your will above my own. Help me to not judge someone based on their NOW, versus Your potential within them. If I marry, Lord, help it be someone who is willing to let me down in order to follow YOUR LEAD. Because You know far better what’s best for me than I do. And, Lord, because I will no longer flirt or “help things along”, I will go on at least ONE date with a man willing to ask me out when I have shown zero interest… knowing how much courage that takes. Amen.”

Well, now a guy was asking me out & I had to put my faith to the test.

I had prayed those things more than I could count. And now was my opportunity to trust God’s answer & His willingness to lead me every step.

And He did.

(But I still freaked out & panicked & wanted to bail along the way, because fear is quite a motivator.)

Ask Anyway…

But for those of you who have those questions of how God could even help… & so avoid asking God for help in those moments, wondering what God could possibly do that you haven’t already tried yourself (sounds arrogant & completely ridiculous just writing it, doesn’t it?… but isn’t that what we sort of feel, if we’re completely honest with ourselves?)… I want to share my journey & what God did for me in the midst of my questions.

My pastor friend told me many times while dating my now husband, “God is not a God of confusion. If you want answers & you seek Him for those answers, He WILL answer you… you just need to wait on God’s timing for those answers & trust that HE is capable.”

Waiting on God for Every Step, Like a Daughter Dancing on Her Father’s Feet

And so, despite my inner rebel telling me to flee the scene & not risk another heartbreak, I kept praying & I took those baby steps, waiting on God’s timing & God’s answers instead of trusting my own fear & worry.

Here are some ways I prayed & ways that God answered me along the way:

(HINT: God is an infinite God. What He guides me through is not a cut & paste testimony, but rather an EXAMPLE of how personal God is with us, when we let Him. Don’t rely on how God led ME in lieu of letting Him lead YOU. What worked for me may not work for you. You have to take steps of trusting Him with your own situation. He will guide you!)

1. Praying Before We Even Met

As I mentioned before, it’s important to be praying beforehand so you are prepared to follow & listen to God when you DO meet. Pray for discernment, peace, wisdom, trust to follow God whether in singleness or marriage… & anything else that comes to mind or worries you.

But, if you’re already in a relationship, it’s never too late to start.

2. Pray, Willing to Give It Up If It’s Not God’s Guiding

Along the way, I prayed for God to guide me… for Him to kick me out of the dating relationship, with completely clear certainty, if it wasn’t His best for us. (I was sort of hoping He would kick me out of it so the risk of heartbreak would evaporate with it.)

I prayed not to cling, not to romanticize, not to make anything more than it was. I prayed for God’s perspective to overshadow my own. I prayed to be willing to allow His will to trump mine.

3. Praying for Perspective When You Meet

I knew I was a daydreamer, wrapped up in every new possibility….

And I felt God nudging my heart in a very specific way during the beginning of my time with Jamie, “Michelle, you fall head over heels immediately when a guy holds your hand & holds you in long, comforting hugs… & if you really want to stay objective to knowing My will, you know you need to avoid physical affection because that’s a personal weakness & trigger for you.”

And so, I set strict physical contact boundaries for our dating relationship. No hugs, no kisses, no holding hands, no arms around the shoulder… & no sex. And I stuck to it.

I wanted to know Jamie for who he was, not for how he made me feel. Feelings change. I wanted more than temporary, unreliable feelings.

4. Praying Over Character/Personality & Whether It Was a Good Match with How God Designed Me

Clashes happen a lot in marriage, even when you’re “a good fit for each other.”

God had shown me different character traits that were important to me along the way, such as being willing to displease me in order to obey God… Or someone who was a kind & gentle listener, seeking to understand & discuss, versus brush off… Someone who, even with flaws & weaknesses, sought to know & love God more… not to just be a “good enough person.”

I prayed often over very specific things, asking God to show me if Jamie at least had that potential &/or willingness to grow… WITHOUT me prompting it… (& that is an important distinction)! If he knew I felt I needed certain traits & he liked me, don’t you think he would do his best to be that for me? But no, I wanted to hear it from God, not Jamie… so I never once hinted at my hopes.

My prayers were silent, between me & God only.

And every prayer resulted in Jamie telling me something like this the next day or so, “I don’t know why, because this seems really random to talk about, but I feel like telling you this story about one time when [enter a story about said character trait that I had recently prayed about here] happened.”

Blew my mind every time, but God was constantly finding ways to reaffirm His guidance in our relationship, because I was diligently seeking His will first.

5. I Set Boundaries of Potential Relationship Timing & PRAYED

After pouring out my heart to Jamie, after our very first date, expressing all of my fears & concerns, I asked him to wait THREE months before even considering asking to make it an official relationship. Friends only–no relationship talk, no romance, nothing. Just friends–for three MONTHS.

And I prayed & asked God for His wisdom & guidance & timing & I didn’t even dare try to “help it along” … I just waited on God.

Coupling with my desire to be with a man willing to disappoint me in order to obey God’s leading, I asked God to have Jamie go against my three-month request in order to ONLY trust God, even at the risk of scaring me away for good. I asked for God to push Jamie to ask me before the end of three WEEKS’ time.

And I didn’t ONCE even HINT that I was praying that as a confirmation from God. Not once.

And guess what… On December 31^st, mere hours before the three week time frame was over, Jamie spoke up… “Michelle, I have been praying like you asked me to, for God’s will & timing versus my feelings & I got my answer a couple days ago, but have continued praying & continued waiting because you told me not to even bring it up until three months, but I can’t shake the feeling that I am supposed to tell you now. I have been battling it all day & praying it away because I am terrified of scaring you away, but I feel like God wants me to say it now, so I need to say it now. I feel like God wants me to ask you out today. Will you agree to an official relationship? Will you be my girlfriend?”

If you are imagining a cartoon where the person’s jaw literally hits the floor, you are imagining pretty closely to how I felt in that exact moment.

I prayed. I waited. God answered.

God Is Infinite… God Is Infinitely Creative… God ANSWERS

As I said before, God is infinite & infinitely creative. The way He works through my life is not the same as how He will choose to move, through prayer, in your own life.

This story is meant to prompt you to PRAY… to seek God alone… To trust that HE knows what He’s doing & He CAN & WILL guide you & give you wisdom as you seek Him.

Trust Him, always… It’s ALWAYS worth it.

And when you don’t feel like you even know how to begin trusting Him… Start there… Ask Him to help you know how to trust Him. He will, my friend. He will.

Shine HOPE, by praying through the fears & unknowns (which are often the same thing).

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Brave Necklace

With hand-rolled cereal box beads, Haitian clay beads, and paired with suede tan cording, this staple necklace is perfect for any wardrobe.

Artisan Information:

Haiti is home to almost 500,000 orphans. The majority of these orphans have not been orphaned by parental deaths, but by parents who gave them up simply because they could not afford to feed them. No mother should have to give up her child. Through your purchase, you provide parents with a sustainable income, so they can keep their children! Be a part of families stepping into bright futures together!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Haiti!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

A Quick Thank You for Your Prayers

First of all, I want to thank you for your graciousness if you checked for my blog post last week & missed it. We had a sudden loss in our family & we are all still in an adjustment phase of life right now. I will share more when it is more appropriate, but please continue to pray for our family.

Pivot Moments

As you may know, I have been working through retelling major pivotal moments in my life where God shone through in the toughest of circumstances & different areas where He grew me beyond what I thought capable.

God is an awesome God. He is limitless & infinite & has unconditional love for us, demonstrated by Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross to redeem us for our wrongs if we but ask.

This week, I am taking us a step back to share another amazing thing that came through the reading of “Authentic Beauty”, by Leslie Ludy.

Looking Back & Lessons Learned

I mentioned a couple weeks ago about the encouragement to destroy a stronghold that had been keeping me captive—keeping me from finding freedom & healing through the leaning into the strength, wisdom, & power of God.

I also mentioned the demonic attack that came after that decision & action, overshadowed completely by God making everything calm with a single thought. His power infinitely overpowers the worst Satan can try against us.

But this week, I wanted to share with you the spark that encouraged me into ministry.

He Makes Me Worthy

First, let me just say that I am no one extraordinary. I am not super disciplined. I am not the most eloquent speaker. I am not even sinless or temptation-free (no one is). I have made & continue to make my fair share of mistakes.

I am just a girl… A daughter of the King. Not because of anything I specifically deserve, but because of the redemption I have found in submitting to Christ.

I still have a naturally fleshly heart that wants to rebel & question & wander. I have to continually check myself & pray for God to rein me back in with His truth, love, & grace.

God created everyone with a God-designed purpose, but we often drown that out by listening to the world instead of leaning into Him.

Learning to Lean into God Above Myself

I am not good at leaning into Him. I am good at relying on myself & the wisdom I far too often rely on, based on human understanding versus the wisdom of our all-knowing, loving God.

I am to be taken with a grain of salt, checked against with Scripture Truth… a human with limitations, temptations, & continual failures.

But I am redeemed & I am learning (by leaning into God for help to do it) to trust God’s plan over mine… to let Him define me & not my own desires or understanding or scars… to let Him shape me into the woman He created me to be.

It was that spark of realization that began my journey of striving to a be a light for Christ in my life.

He Created You with Purpose, Too

And He can do the exact same for you. Because you are just as much created by Him with purpose as I am (flawed past, present, & future included).

He is just as capable of changing you from the inside out as He has & is doing with me.

God is the power behind the will & act of change (Hint: because of my strong will, I have to pray often for even the DESIRE to submit to this change & His purposes–& He is faithful to shape my heart. We don’t have to try to outwill ourselves without His help).

Lean into Him… Not me… Not yourself… Not others.

“Someone Else Can Do It”

I am not immune to the trends of culture. I long believed that it was always “the church’s” job to do the work within the church. But who is “the church”?

We are.

I always used to let everyone else do the ministry work, thinking that work was for pastors & “super spiritual” people. I was believing a lie born of the devil.

I was letting the devil convince me to sit on the sidelines, keep my mouth shut about the hope of Christ, treat church like a Christian country club, & let others do the heavy lifting.

I thought I wasn’t good enough to lead or to do much of anything.

But, God.

But God designed the church to work like a body, each serving a purpose to edify, lift up, encourage, & point others to the hope found only in Him.

Whether sharing the Gospel hope brought by Jesus Christ, cleaning up after others,  bringing meals to those suffering, helping with financial support, going out into the community to love & to serve, or leading a Bible Study… etc. etc. etc….

… Ministry isn’t just from a pulpit. It’s not a pastor only job. It’s a day by day living for Christ & being a light in the world for Christ. It’s leaning into Him & His Truth & being a living outpouring of that hope, truth, & love.

I Was Called… You Are Called

And when I finished reading that book, among a couple others I cannot recall, I realized that reality.

I, as an individual was… & YOU as an individual are… called to live for Christ… not to sit on the sidelines while the world despairs through their own human wisdom & understanding.

We’re in a war & we are too often letting the enemy dictate the rules of the battle instead of leaning into our Almighty God.

We need to join the church body, not just to do what is glamorous or fits what pleases us or makes us look good. We need to do what needs to be done.

I did not set out to run a blog, but followed the prompting of God’s leading to be a light in this world, but it started back then, with a spark to do more.

What is God calling you to? What is His design for you?

Take the time to pray it over & keep praying until it’s clear… & pray for the will to start praying, if that’s what it takes.

… & start by serving the church where you can.

Lean into God & let Him lead you. Shine HIS hope, through His power & wisdom.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Restoring Hope Necklace

This versatile necklace features mother of pearl in hues of black on one side & off-white on the other, hanging from an antiqued brass chain.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Hold Up

I was reminded, upon completing last week’s post about “Falling in Love, Heartbreak, & Learning to Trust God’s Plan,” that I neglected to mention a special pivotal moment of discovering who God made me to be, despite who I thought I was already.

Shaping Our Identity

Growing up, we all sort of grow to believe who we think we are, based on what our parents or others say about us or based upon stereotypes that the world presents to us.

We form our idea of “self” based on so many different internal & external factors: our desires, our fears, our insecurities, our successes, our failures, our wants & the way others view us or talk about us (among many other things).

We also create habits of self-protection to either save face or prevent a future hurt.

Insecure & Unsatisfied

For me, I grew up severely insecure about my appearance—so much so that I would shower with a t-shirt on & was afraid to see my face in the mirror because I was too afraid to look at myself.

I saw myself as unlovable & disgusting.

But, in my late teens/early twenties, I was determined not to stay stuck in a place of self-loathing because, like so many of us, I just desperately wanted to feel like I was worthy to be loved by someone.

I Had a Plan… A Plan That Backfired

So, instead of praying about it, I created a self-protection technique to help me get attention (which I thought was basically proof that I could be wanted & therefore, loved.

Besides deciding to shower in a t-shirt & avoid mirrors, I also self-protected by deciding to dress in a way that drew attention to my “assets” by wearing low-cut shirts & short shorts.

I thought attention to my body was the same as attention to me. (I was wrong.)

And, to top it off, I grew accustomed to speaking in such a way that way that each sentence was dripping with innuendos & flirtatious banter.

I taught myself how to make anything into a dirty joke because it proved effective in getting that attention I craved.

When I admitted to being a virgin at the time, people actually laughed heartily because I was so convincing to the contrary. I was proud of that (but a little hurt).

Getting Attention… But Something Felt Off

Perfecting the role I had assumed, I made more friends & got loads more attention.

I thought it was great. I enjoyed the power trip & the confidence that came with it.

But something just felt off.

The attention I was getting made me feel objectified more than loved or cared for. It made me feel icky.

Maintaining the Façade

I felt like I had to maintain this persona in order to feel worth anyone’s time or attention, but sometimes I just didn’t feel like I was being authentic… Like I was keeping up an act in order to stay appealing.

I guess that’s why my heart cries out toward actors & singers & other celebrities. Maintaining an air of perfect “I get along with EVERYbody ALL the time,” is just hard & quite frankly unattainable.

Everyone deserves an opportunity to just wear a messy bun, sweatpants, talk about things that aren’t as “appealing” to others, & just be real. No one is perfect. No one.

But I tried to be. I got pretty good at reading people & would adjust my personality or talk to make myself more appealing. I wanted to be liked & loved.

But like I said, it wore on me. I felt tired of keeping up this image.

I wanted to just slice through the fake efforts, just be myself & have that be enough for someone.

Who Am I If Not This?

But the biggest problem was, I didn’t know who I actually was without this personality I had invented.

I didn’t know how many friends I would have left if I didn’t keep up this image… this act.

I didn’t want to risk losing everyone… my circle… my net… my support.

I didn’t want to be alone.

I didn’t want to be unwanted.

So, I kept it up & dug in deeper to this image of confidence I portrayed to the world.

Unwanted Wanting

Guy friends ended up taking more “liberties” with me than I felt comfortable, but I was too worried about seeming insecure, about breaking the mirage I tried so hard to maintain.

And by the time it broke my heart enough (& with the supportive help of a good friend coaching me through it (Thank You, JD!), when I finally started standing up for myself… they got aggressive about it.

I was sexually assaulted by several friends, several times.

I was starting to realize that I no longer wanted so much attention.

I started to hate my persona.

I started to hate who I had become. Who I thought I was.

I felt so afraid because I didn’t know if that really was me, & if it wasn’t, I didn’t know who I was. I was afraid to lose everyone.

Finally… I Prayed

I was afraid that if I let the façade slip… if I faced depression again… if I didn’t try hard to be so loyal & friendly & a great listener & flirtatious & on & on & on, then any guy I dated would just walk away.

But I couldn’t keep the mask on forever.

So, I started to finally pray.

“God, I don’t know who I am. I don’t feel like I have any value. I feel unlovable. I don’t feel like I am special or desirable. I am afraid of being alone & unloved. I am afraid of being so ugly & not feeling like I have anything else to make anyone think twice about me. I don’t know who I am outside of this. This feels like me. It comes so naturally to me… but something about it hurts… Like I have to ALWAYS be this way in order to keep anyone around. God, I feel like this is me, but I guess You made me, so I guess if anyone knows who I am meant to be, it’s You. Show me YOUR potential for me. Show me YOUR design. Show me who YOU created me to be. And help me to trust You if I lose everything in the process. Please help me!!”

It was a scary & difficult prayer to pray, but I prayed it so many times I lost count.

I Wanted God’s Way… I Didn’t Want to Feel Used & Fake Anymore

I was desperate to feel like there was more to me than this fake girl who always had to make everyone happy 100% of the time & drew in people who took advantage of me just to feel like I had some worth.

God had to know. And I needed to know.

I needed to find me… His way… His plan… His design.

And guess what, Beautiful, He began to show me.

God Makes All Things New

Slowly, gradually, the fake flirtatious persona began to fade away as opportunities for dirty jokes would come up & just seem to be unappealing… I would just feel disgusted, like, “No, I am worth more than that. I don’t have to make people think about sex in order to be valued.”

It was a hard road & I ended up stepping away from several friendship circles, but I suddenly didn’t care so much.

I felt confident & free. I felt like I was finally myself (& I was finally okay with that!)

Who Do You Let Define YOU?

You see, it’s easy to let the world define us.

It’s easy to let our past define us.

It’s easy to let our inner cut-downs define us.

But we need to learn to let GOD define us.

God created you, Beautiful… & He doesn’t make mistakes.

God MADE You

Maybe you don’t measure up to what your parents, siblings, family, friends, or to what the world thinks you should be: prettier, smarter, thinner, more fashionable, more fit, more creative, less creative, blonder, darker, lighter, taller, shorter, curlier hair, straighter hair, etc….

But GOD MADE YOU.

We try to fashion ourselves into the niche we feel we belong based on the facts we believe about ourselves or what we believe others want from us…

But GOD MADE YOU.

Lean into Him. Ask Him. Ask Him to show you His design for you.

And don’t be satisfied to stop praying until you see Him begin to shape you & change you from the inside out… an inner confidence based on His design & your worth based on His love & care for you.

GOD MADE YOU.

Take Your Presuppositions & Pray About Them

And I can tell you from personal experience, that if you take your presuppositions & assumptions about who you think you are or who you think you have to be or are supposed to be… & you take that to Him in prayer, to trade it for HIS DESIGN instead… You will NOT be disappointed.

In fact, you will finally feel like YOU.

Imagine that!

Trust Him always, Darling. He loves you infinitely & He doesn’t make mistakes, no matter what anyone says about you (or no matter what you say to yourself—stop that inner self-hate dialogue!)

Trust Him. Always. Trust His DESIGN.

Shine Hope by being your beautiful, God-designed SELF!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Chelsie Necklace

This curved bar necklace features gold & rose gold tones. Hanging from a gold colored chain, this piece was named after one of our co-founders because of her golden & modern style, along with her passion for using sustainable business to end poverty.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

A Quick Recap

Today, we come to yet another pivotal moment in my life…

So far, I have shared with you:

• Simplicity of grace in how I came to know Jesus
• My long-time battle of doubts & my eventual decision to not only pray, but to try to find happiness on my own terms
• My experience through depression & how God used that dark time in my life to solidify a foundation of TRUTH to rest in.

And now, I wish to share with you a multi-week story of what happened after I discovered that solid, reliable truth.

I Think I Know Best… But I Don’t

After God showed up in a big way, through my depression, & after He woke me up to the fact that HE was the source of truth I had been searching for for so long, was I always faithful to God? No.

I often gave (give) into human nature & I relied on what I personally thought was best, before even stopping to consider that God would know better & that I could always ask Him for wisdom. (I still struggle with this!)

It’s the human nature way of doing things when we just go through life either “winging” it or thinking we’ve got the answer & we’re ready to go… or flailing through life, wondering what in the world to do.

We (or at least I) tend to think, “I’ve got this!” or, “I SHOULD be able to do this!”

God Is Willing, But Will I Ask?

But God is right there with us, offering His wisdom, guidance, comfort, & help… so why is it so hard to ask Him versus auto-pilot mode?

This will be a forever-growing type of learning because it goes against our desire to feel in control & self-sufficient.

But, I digress….

As I currently struggle with this, I struggled with it then, too.

Turning to Music Instead of God

And a big area of struggle for me was turning to music instead of Someone who could actually help me-God.

I don’t mean that I was listening to crude, explicit music… nor that anything other than “Christian” music is even bad.

But what I mean is this—when life got hard & teen angst was winning over in my flurry of teenage hormones & emotions, my first instinct was definitely not prayer.

Validate Me!

I wanted to feel validated for what I wanted to feel about what I was feeling.

(Ain’t it fun to be a teenager? Haha. But really, I still do this.)

Oh, sometimes I thought about praying, though… but then I felt this sort of rebellion flare up inside of me, like, “No, I’m fine! I just want to listen to these sad love songs or sad ‘how dare they hurt me’ music & then I’ll be better!”

I was turning to music as my source of peace, only finding myself brooding or feeling worse because of how unfair the world felt.

The Music Always Had My Back…

I felt justified in my anger or hurt or bad attitude toward someone or some circumstance & the music was always there to back me up with lyrics like, “how dare they…” or “they’ll think twice before they…” or “I’m so sad & it’s all their fault….”

Angst galore.

And I didn’t pray for clarity or God’s peace or wisdom on how to handle it.

I just wallowed & sang along to the sad, sad tune.

But I Have a RIGHT to be Upset!

I think I liked the feeling of being justified in how upset or hurt I felt, without realizing that dwelling on those thoughts so deeply only left me feeling more hurt.

I enjoyed the drama, but I hated the hurt.

Next Time, Though…

And every time that I noticed this being the trend of results I was getting, I thought to myself, “why didn’t I just pray & ask God to comfort me & give me peace & strength & wisdom? It ALWAYS helps! You know what? No more turning to those sad songs to justify my hurt. NEXT TIME, I am definitely going to pray instead because all that hurt sucks!”

But next time…? Yep, you guessed it… I didn’t pray.

I wallowed & slunk dejectedly toward my music player, popped on my headphones, slid under the covers, & brooded the night away in tears.

It was a pathetic, sad cycle that always left me worse off.

Friendships That Encourage Us to Lean into God

But then, I had a certain friend. I’ll call her R. She encouraged me to seek God more.

We used to go in book stores, sit cross-legged on the floor, in the Christian books section, grab random books off the shelf & talk about life in our little tucked away corner.

I’m not sure how it started, but we decided to read through “Authentic Beauty”, by Leslie Ludy. (If you click the title, it will take you to view it on Amazon.com.)

My friend & I would talk about this book sometimes over the phone or on our get-togethers on the floor of the bookstore.

That book changed my world!

Hidden Gaps & Traps

The author, Leslie, talked about how we all cling to the things that we think will make us happy, but find ourselves trapped by them (um, me!) & how there are so many things that are either subconscious beliefs or tucked away secrets that keep us from going “all in” with our faith in God.

Those hidden or noticeable things entice us to hold back parts of ourselves from God, as if He doesn’t already know & see them.

Learning to Purge

In the book, Leslie also talks about doing a purge of both physical items & mental strongholds that we cling to, whether it be memories, shame, fears, doubts, etc.

Old love letters you keep tucked away for a day you feel low? Gone. (It only reminds you of what you don’t have & ends up hurting even worse.)

Pictures, mementos, or other things from old relationships that you hold on to as a sort of contingency plan when you don’t like yourself? Trash. (Clinging to anything but God is never going to satisfy us… It just makes the gaping holes more obvious!)

And my music collection. All of it. Everything. Out. (No more clinging to something that only hurt me worse. No more clinging to false anchors that leave me washed up on shore, in despair.)

Mrs. Ludy also included an online prompt guide that you could print out, to help you address thoughts that are clouding your heart & mind & keeping you trapped in the past. (I believe it is still available… check out her website on my website Resources & Recommendations tab!)

Let’s Get It Started!

Well, my friend R & I decided it was time to get together at a park, start a fire in the fire pit & take time to apologize to God for trusting these things over Him & then asking Him to help us cling to Him through life instead. It was time to purge.

And so, we took turns burning things we had held so tightly to that were just keeping us back in the empty hole of pain.

Be Gone!

I destroyed several hundred dollars’ worth of CDs.

Gone to ash.

“Why?!” you might ask… “Why didn’t you just give them away or sell them or throw them in the trash?!! That is so much wasted money!!!”

Yes, all of those thoughts screamed in my head as well.

But I didn’t want to cling to something that kept causing me more pain. I wanted out from under its hold on me. I wanted to trust God to be sufficient in His comfort, strength, & wisdom, versus a sad song to affirm my pain in the moment, but also offer no help or solution.

And if I gave it away, I would probably beg for it back… If I sold them, I felt like I was doing it for profit… & if I threw it away, I would cave & go get them out.

And I knew that the money used to buy those CDs was made possible by God’s blessing & that I would rather have Him than a CD collection.

It Was My Shackles

Call me fanatical if you’d like, but I will tell you right now that my heart KNEW I was imprisoned by that collection. I felt like I NEEDED it to survive any hurt I faced.

It was a lie. And I clung to it with white knuckles.

It wasn’t the CD collection that was wrong… It was the control it had over me.

I didn’t burn everything non-Christian related that I owned. I specifically burned that CD collection because I recognized how much power it had over me & I was no longer satisfied letting that remain the case.

God Knew What I Needed Was Really HIM

I will tell you right now that God helping me recognize that clinging to my CD collection for hope & validation was the source of so much of my heartache… & then having the faith & courage to demolish that source of control over me so I could trust the loving source of God in my life… It was the most freeing thing I have done.

I felt free. SO FREE.

Like, “Bye, Felicia! Buh-BYE! See ya never!”

It felt great!

Finding the Balance, Removing the Control

And do I have non-Christian CDs now? Yes. (I, for one, love Disney music, so… no judgement please, haha.)

But I didn’t have any new CDs (other than worship/praise to God music) for several years after that, until it no longer was my go-to.

Not the Music… The Control

Did I judge anyone else for having other music? NO! Because I knew it wasn’t the music that was bad (singing about love or happy blessings in our life is not sinful), it was the control the music had OVER me.

And I made sure that every time I hurt after that, when I felt that rebellion flare up that “I don’t need God! I’m fine!” I would then stop… breathe… close my eyes… & ask God to help me change my heart & my snooty, rebellious, temper tantrum attitude.

Then I asked Him to give me real peace & hope & comfort through Him, in my hurt, in its place.

It was 100% more effective.

Every time.

Reflect & See What Is Controlling You… & Give It Over to God & Find Freedom through Trusting God Instead!

So, what’s the moral of the story, you ask? Don’t buy music? Burn everything you own? No.

The point is to take time for reflection & ask God what is holding you back from trusting Him more.

Ask Him to show you what you’re hiding & for Him to be the gentle guide to help you eradicate it from your heart so it doesn’t keep controlling you.

Ask Him to give you courage to trust Him through the process.

Maybe go to Leslie Ludy’s site & go through the prompt guide yourself.

And ask God to comfort you through the healing.

He is walking alongside you, waiting for you to ask.

It’s not all up to you to fix everything broken or to heal everything hurting.

He is able. He is willing.

Ask Him for help. It’s so, SO worth it, Beautiful One!

Coming Next Week

This Week is time for our monthly Special Feature post! So check back on Thursday to see what it is!

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

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A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

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Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Inverted Capiz Earrings

These earrings feature shimmery, creamy white capiz shells, each framed by a black edge.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchases, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!