What I Have to Offer
I am nothing.
As I sat down to write this week’s encouragement post, I was left blank.
Not that I haven’t been thinking over this topic & mentally preparing to write it–I have–but as I sit to write, the words escaped me & I was left with a glaringly blank screen in front of me. All day.
I am reminded again & again that when I try to do things on my own, or simply to keep a schedule, words & actions come out flat & meaningless–like my prior edits to this post.
God Works Despite Our Failings
You see, God tells us some amazing things in the Bible. He is faithful. He is Good. He loves us all EQUALLY–even when we spit in His face, whether in ignorance or indignation.
But God is faithful. He showers blessings of hope & joy & love, whether we deserve it or not (Hint: We never really deserve it.)
And so here I am, once again being reminded of this astounding Truth–we need Him.
A Journey of Bitterness
Let me take you on a journey over my last year or so….
Rewind back to my arrival on Guam, six years ago. High hopes. Tropical island dreams floating in heart-shaped bubbles above my head. All full of confidence & a readiness to take on this new adventure on an island paradise. I was ready to jump in and be a light of hope & encouragement to everyone around me.
But then it happened… Discouragement hit me like a slap in the face.
I didn’t see it coming. But reality was cruel. Jamie, my husband, worked almost constantly & was away from home. I had little means of communicating with family or friends back home–plus an opposite time zone to work around. And most hopeful friends were so bogged down by work & other responsibilities, they hardly had time to breathe, let alone have the endless time to hang out like I did. That’s when I realized I was mostly alone.
Now, let’s stop here to consider a fact that I failed to capture in those moments–God can redeem alone time & spring wonderful things out of it. He can inspire growth & a chance to see Him work in our weaknesses, making His works stand out gloriously bright in our lives, in contrast… when we submit those hard moments to Him.
But for the most part, I didn’t.
I mostly only prayed for the loneliness to end. For comfort. For friends. I wanted my rosy view to return.
He didn’t answer the way I wanted Him to, so I took it as silence–when I should have stopped to ask Him how He would like that time to be used.
Bitterness took root.
And On Goes the Journey
Fast-forward to Chitose, Japan–three years ago. A hopeful beginning. A second chance to start anew. A chance to escape the loneliness. A chance for adventure in a foreign land.
I had dreams of clustering together with many other Americans to support each other in a foreign land. I had hopes of having English-speaking friends with whom we could learn the lay of the land together, ready to make new friends & form tight bonds.
Reality hit when I realized English was actually rarely spoken & other foreigners were few & far between. Add to that the fact that unless someone has lived far from other English speakers for several years, they simply don’t know the inevitable stress that you might manage every day, as your mind constantly tries to make sense of the foreignness around you everywhere you go–so even talking with friends can seem strained. I was alone again.
Again, I could have asked God to teach me how to handle it & still have had grand adventures, albeit alone, during those three years… But I wanted comfort. I wanted friends. I wanted my rosy view to return.
I mainly just wanted to feel some comfort & a sense of HOME somewhere.
Bitterness dug her claws deeper.
But Wait…
Fast-forward to close to a year ago. I was hit by the reality that bitterness & loneliness & stress from foreign living seemed to completely rule my life. I had become jaded & cynical in many ways--much darker than I was in the past.
I had pushed God out of that area of my life & as a result, that area was left cold & dark & empty.
I was growing numb to the concerns of others, too bogged down by my own pain & misery festering underneath the surface–even if I didn’t always consciously acknowledge that being the cause.
The waters were rising up, threatening to drown me out. I was losing hope that things could ever improve.
My stark callousness woke me up to my condition & I started praying a little differently. I started asking God to WAKE ME UP. I wanted Him to show me again His grace & love & to show me how much I really needed Him.
He Is LIFE
I knew from my past that where I was following Him, there was LIFE. I wanted that again.
But I had grown so cold that my heart had built a sort of stone wall to protect itself. I wanted it to come down. I wanted to let Jesus’ love & hope & peace & strength to come pouring over my cold heart so I could LIVE again. Really live.
I felt a small whisper on my heart when I started asking God to change me & wake me up… “I will. But it will take time.”
I knew it was the only way. He had to show me that it wasn’t magic that snapped me out, but rather a loving Father willing to take the time to teach me & guide me to Truth in a way that will stick in my mind & transform my heart.
A lasting change.
In the Now
Fast-forward to now, & there really isn’t ANY guarantee that things WILL ever improve.
That’s just life.
We live in a broken world, you & I. There WILL be pain & discomfort at times.
But that doesn’t mean God cannot work through it, Lovely.
The Secret to Life
And there you have it… That’s the secret to life–We can’t do it on our own–we were never meant to.
God offers Himself to us. Completely. With all His resources.
He offers grace & redemption & a CLEAN SLATE to anyone who asks Him whole-heartedly, too!! (*Read how on my Hope is Found page, here).
Why should we ever WANT to do it on our own?
Created FOR HIM
We are nothing. We are flesh & bones–tempted & weak & insufficient.
But He is everything. He is ALMIGHTY–All-Wise, All-Powerful, & All-Sufficient.
And He is faithful. He tells us that He rains on the just AND the unjust. That means, even when we KNOW with all certainty that we don’t deserve it, He still blesses us with GOOD things.
So the secret is out. We were created BY Him & we were created FOR Him. We are the created. He is the Creator. We are the clay. He is the Potter.
We were created to praise & honor & glorify our Creator., by loving Him & loving others. We were created to love & serve Him & others. We are offered all of His wisdom & strength & resources to accomplish what He sets before us.
We are nothing, but He is everything.
Not Easy, But Worth It
God didn’t give me an easy outflow for this post, by the way. I finished it merely an hour before it was to go live.
He allowed me to feel the discomfort of my insufficiency, but He did answer & He did provide. He is Good. And even if He hadn’t? He would have a reason for it & He would work through it for the best. It’s funny how amazing He is at that.
Shine HOPE, Lovely. HIS hope. Let everything flow out of this Truth. That we are His… Created by Him… Created for HIS glory & honor & praise.
Coming Up Next!
Make sure to check back in this coming Thursday to see this month’s special feature post (every last Thursday of the month), PART 2/2 of my short story, “Falling”! I can’t wait to share it with you!
A Note from Michelle:
If you want to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” & “Hope is Found” pages, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Weekly Special Spotlight:
Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Sea Glass Necklace
Representing Women Artisans in the Jordan & Cambodia!
The sea glass used by the artisans to create this piece was once collected from the shores of the Red Sea, but because of their recycling efforts, the beaches have become so clean that they now gather & upcycle bottles from locals hotels & restaurants before they are discarded. How beautiful! The glass is then tumbled in water from the Red Sea to create a similar look.
Artisan Information:
Many Jordanian women have their lives controlled by their closest male relative. They balance many customs at home, creating a lack of independence. Some of these women are divorced, widowed, or married to a man who may already have many wives. But amid struggles, these women we work with arrive to a family-like workplace. They can be heard singing, laughing, and drinking tea while creating our unique jewelry made from upcycled glass bottles. Your purchase empowers them with boldness and financial independence for the first time!
Purchase this piece and empower a woman in Jordan!
Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE, Lovely!
