Ducking underneath the low hanging vines, she stepped through the dark woods. Her senses were alert, taking in the sounds around her. Above her, the deep green leaves rustled in the wind. Around her were the sounds of the forest, the bustling of the scurrying critters, aware & nervous of her presence.

And behind her, she heard a branch crunched underfoot.

It wouldn’t be long now before she was caught, but she was determined to venture further into the mysterious darkness surrounding her.

Sunlight snuck through between branches, dancing on the dark stumps, soft moss, & green grass of the forest floor around her. The darkness seemed to dodge each sunbeam, but the light persisted, shining brightly through the shadows.

Another branch crunched behind her.

She edged forward, taking in the smells of the woods. The fresh air was intoxicating as she breathed deeply, relishing in the fresh scent of nature.

She reached out her arms as she strolled, allowing her fingertips to brush gently against the leaves & floral plants along her self-made path.

She could feel the soft earth beneath the thin soles of her sandals.

Everything seemed right to her, & yet, something was not quite right.

Something was off about this place. As much as she tried to embrace this dark forest of a home, she felt that she never belonged here–that she was never meant to be here.

Something always lurked in the shadows.

She was getting closer now, she could feel it. The air seemed fresher & the beauty surrounding her seemed to grow richer the closer she came.

Very soon now, she would arrive at her determined destination. She would finally be free of the darkness that followed her every step.

Another crunch behind her.

“You can’t run forever,” a deep voice spoke up from the dark.

“I can’t stay here forever either,” she whispered in return, unsure of whether she was even heard.

Undeterred, she continued to step forward, bold in her determination to finally break into the light.

She had grown so accustomed to the dark woods. As foreboding & dim as it was, it was all she ever knew.

Every rock & stump & creek & shadow were all familiar to her. It was her home.

But she also knew that it was a lie. It was something she settled for, not wanting to risk believing the tales of the bright place beyond her dark home.

Why give up everything she has ever known for a tale of something that could be merely a myth? Because somehow this “myth” seemed to beckon to her, calling her by name, lovingly inviting her to see for herself.

She couldn’t see it, but she could feel it. It was more real than anything she had ever physically seen or felt in her dark woods.

But her doubts kept her back for so long, asking her why she would risk trusting in something that she could not see for herself?

Despite her trepidation, she had realized that her thirst for something more than this dark forest beckoned her beyond her ability to deter or ignore it.

She wanted to believe there was more. She wanted to believe that there was something greater than this darkness she had come to accept.

 “It’s not worth it. You won’t be free anymore. Come back with me.” The deep voice stirred up doubts in her heart. She hesitated, halted in the midst of the forest life around her.

“I can’t,” she determined. “I can’t be content to stay trapped here. Something is missing & I want to know what it is. I want more.”

“You will regret it. There are rules. Here, you are free. Come back with me….” As she glanced back, a hand reached from the shadows & eyes gleamed in the darkness.

Something menacing crept through the calm look in those gleaming eyes.

“I… I won’t. Those rules others spoke of… they seem to be right somehow. And I am not free here. It is darkness. It is suffocating. Something is missing. I must know what it is.” She stammered, but as she spoke, courage seemed to bubble up within her, emboldening her to keep forward.

“I have to know the truth,” she determined, turning away from the voice.

A mingling of fear mixed with her newfound courage. Those gleaming eyes she had once accepted now left her feeling unsettled. Something about them sent chills up her spine. She wanted to get away from them.

Stepping more quickly, she decided that nothing would hold her back anymore. She wanted to see the light shine freely. She wanted to feel safe & secure. She wanted freedom from the darkness that encapsulated her life.

She didn’t know if she was somehow too late. She didn’t know if she would be counted worthy to leave the darkness & enter into the light, but she had to at least try.

This place she had come to love & accept seemed but a shadow of what called to her heart. She had to know & see it for herself.

The calm, deep voice seemed to morph in the shadows, an underlying threat seeming to cut into the words, “Come back now. You won’t like it there. It’s better here. Don’t hope for more. What more could you want than doing whatever it is you wish? This is the place you need to be. Stay here!”

Chills danced nervously on her skin as she pushed forward. She no longer had the nerve to look behind her. The voice had always seemed to placate her into never seeking out something better. But now, it seemed to threaten her, demanding that she not break free.

She broke into a run & then she stopped in her tracks when she saw it… Light breaking through the trees & a gentle looking man, made all of light, with arms outstretched & a wide, warm smile welcoming her approach.

All at once, something inside of her changed. She felt securely loved & cherished & protected & cared for & brave & strong & free & FORGIVEN.

Looking into His eyes broke chains that had been clinging to her-chains she had denied were even there. Fear & regret & shame seemed to melt into the ground beneath her with every step closer.

She no longer doubted.

The voice behind her sounded desperate now. “No! Stay here! It’s better here! You can do whatever you want! There are no rules! Don’t go there! I WANT CONTROL OF YOU!”

She broke into a sprint, straight toward this man she had never met & yet felt like someone she had known all her life.

He saw through her, every crack & every mistake. She could feel it. He KNEW her, even her worst!

And yet… warmth. Love… Grace.

As she reached Him, she fell to her knees, tears streaming down her dirtied cheeks, too overwhelmed by emotion to meet His eyes.

She was too unworthy. She wasn’t enough. She didn’t deserve this kindness.

And yet…

“My darling one, do not be afraid. You have been forgiven. My grace has covered you. You are free now.” His voice was sincere, gentle & kind. “Come to me, my daughter. I love you as you are. Welcome home.”

Her face tilted upwards, hesitant & humbled. Her eyes were red & & her cheeks tear-stained.

But something wonderful donned on her in that moment when her eyes met His.

She felt light. She felt… free.

She slowly, carefully rose to her feet, not taking her eyes from the gentle eyes that stared back.

Questions danced in her eyes, wondering if this could all be real… If she could really feel this secure & loved & forgiven & FREE… If she could really be accepted by Someone as kind & gracious & wonderful as He.

With knowing eyes, He nodded in affirmation, understanding her hesitation, & a genuine smile spread across His face, His arms still open wide.

“Welcome home, darling one,” He said as He spread His arms even wider, beckoning her into His welcoming embrace.

This time, she didn’t even pause before closing the distance into the best hug she had ever known… one that seemed to erase in an instant every heartache she had carried throughout her entire lifetime.

She was FINALLY home & she never wanted to go back to the darkness that was once her life.

*****************

After that day, she quickly realized that life still had its complications & she still made mistakes on a regular basis. But something was different now. It was as if she was being changed from the inside out. The more she got to know the Man who welcomed her into light, the more her heart seemed to grow in wisdom, strength, & peace.

She could feel His strength working through her. His courage replaced her fears when faced with difficult circumstances as she learned to trust Him through each storm.

She now could ask Him for wisdom in any situation, no longer relying on the limitations of her own understanding.

And she knew grace as a way of life. His grace seemed to flow through EVERYTHING.

She no longer lived each day trying to survive the dark world she once called home.

He lit her path. He guided her steps. He cared for her & loved her & cherished her soul.

His grace flowed through it all, allowing her freedom she had never known before.

And never came a day where she regretted leaving the darkness of the forest she had once called home because now she knew the stories were true.

The Bright Place was not actually a destination to arrive at, but a Someone to love her unconditionally… A Someone who gave of His own life to cover her wrongs… A Someone who conquered death & sits on the right hand of God’s throne. A Someone more wonderful & powerful & gracious than any she had ever known.

A Someone named Jesus.

And now, instead of living in the darkness… She lived in GRACE.

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Holly Necklace

Co-Founder of Trades of Hope, Holly’s, passion is to empower women to be all God created them to be & to live out their potential. Whether she is visiting the brothels of Asia or in hometown USA, her desire is to see women live out their calling with pride & dignity. This piece is a reflection of the pride & skills a woman rescued from the brothels has when given the opportunity. A delicate piece, this golden/pink druzy necklace sparkles in the light.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

(*Also Pictured: Lagoon Studs, empowering women out of poverty in India!)

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Are They Laughing At Me?

Who else here struggles with social anxiety, even occasionally? (*Raises hand!)

I saw a meme recently that had showed an inner self dialogue between a young woman & her anxiety. It went something like…

*Walks into a crowded room… Notices some ladies laughing*

Anxiety: They’re laughing at you.

Me: But I don’t even know them…!

Anxiety: But they’re laughing at you.

Me: … They’re laughing at me….

It’s funny because it’s true. (And maybe it happens way more often than we’d like to admit?)

The Cruel Tricks of Anxiety

Anxiety can play some mean tricks on us sometimes & us women seem to be plagued by it often.

We oftentimes struggle comparing our lives to others. For example, my husband says he doesn’t especially like social media because it can be so harmful only seeing the good moment snapshots of someone else’s life, without seeing the whole picture.

They Have It Together… Or Maybe Not

If you’re anything like me, it is so easy to look at someone’s snapshot of a win for them & think they have it all together, making it glaringly obvious how much I do not have it all together.

Maybe you read my blog or watch my videos either regularly or occasionally & think to yourself, “Wow, this chick has it all together with her faith & her life & her marriage.”

I will be the first to laugh at that & tell you, “I most certainly DO NOT have it all together!”

The Endless List of Ways I Do NOT Have My Life Together

Jamie & I still have misunderstanding & get annoyed with each other on occasion.

I make mistakes constantly, most of which end up being the inspiration for blog posts, because I first royally screwed things up BEFORE turning to God to ask for wisdom & His power to fix it.

I tend to act first & pray second, often resulting in big messes, tears, & lessons learned. I am so glad God is a God of GRACE & seemingly endless PATIENCE, aren’t you!?

Divisive Lies Abound

But going back to our topic, there are so many divisive lies that we believe about ourselves & others, which end up keeping us apart, versus being unified in encouraging & uplifting one another.

Sometimes, we can become embarrassed in a specific situation & then we tend to avoid eye contact with the people involved, considering all of the things they must think about you now, after the fact.

Other times, we don’t even have to be involved in an embarrassing moment to have our insecurities take the mental reins & make us feel less than worthy to associate with certain women.

And still, other times, we are completely misreading, misinterpreting, & misperceiving reality completely, making us draw conclusions about the other person or our view of how the other person must see us.

Inner Thoughts of Anxiety

“They must think I am an IDIOT after that! Oh goodness, I can’t look them in the face anymore!”

“Wow, I just showed them my true colors & now they must think I am lame compared to how cool they always seem to be!”

“I just completely lost it just then, they must think I am either a weakling or just plain crazy!”

“All the other wives (or moms) seem to be so good at ___________________ & I am just not. They probably think I am a terrible wife (or mom).”

“They looked at me funny. I don’t think they like me. They’re so much more confident than me.”

Satan Knows Where to Hit Us

You see, our minds can play some pretty nasty tricks. And Satan knows exactly where our weak spots are & likes to exploit them whenever possible.

But God is bigger. God is stronger. God is more powerful, more wise, more loving.

So much of the reason we are not more unified as Christian women, is because we are letting these embarrassments, insecurities, & misperceptions be our road map in our interactions with other women.

Dispelling the Lies, Praying, & Clinging to Truth

We no doubt miss out on some wonderful encouragement & opportunities to encourage others because of this truth & it would benefit us all to stop & pray in those moments where divisive lies threaten to keep us apart.

“God, do they think I’m an idiot? Or am I just being insecure? Help me to rise above my insecurity & embarrassment so I can be an encourager to them. Don’t let me jump to conclusions. Even if she does think that, help me to still be a good friend to her. Amen.”

“God, help me to remember that no one is perfect. I am not expected to be perfect. I am just human. And even though they seem to have it all together, help me to see them as a human who needs encouragement just as much as I do. Help me to overcome my own insecurities of my own imperfections, & help me to see her as a human in need of support, just like me. Amen.”

“God, I made a mistake. Please forgive me & help me to make it right. Please help them to be gracious to me & help me to be humble. I know that we all make mistakes, but help me to rectify this for Your glory instead of avoiding it to save face. Help bring unity here. Amen.”

“God, my weaknesses & faults seem SO OBVIOUS when I see other women do those things so well. Help me to be able to love them in THEIR strengths, while appreciating the strengths You have given me. They are not perfect either, so help me to be able to help where they need it & please keep my pride at bay so I can serve them when they need the help & help me to grow in areas where I am weak or failing. Amen.”

“God, I know that we all have insecurities of certain things, so help me not let my anxiety rule my thoughts. Help me to overcome my fears & help me to be bold in loving & encouraging others. Amen.”

Keep Your Eyes on Jesus & Draw Your Truth & Encouragement from Him

You see, perspective changes things.

We can either avoid, hide, & push others away, or we can take those insecurities to our able & POWERFUL God Who is willing & waiting to help us.

Learn to change the inner dialogue from fear to trust… avoidance to prayer.

We have all learned coping mechanisms to help us protect ourselves from hurt & oftentimes, we miss out on WONDERFUL friendships because we let our self-protection get in the way of restoration & healing. So… PRAY!

We All Have Our Strengths… We All Have Our Weaknesses…

When you worry about whether or not someone dislikes you or is too cool to want to be friends, remember that we all have our strengths, but we also all have our weaknesses… & that oftentimes, our ideas of other people’s dislike of us is a misperception built on our own insecurities.

Let prayer rule the day & kick that social anxiety OUT.

Let God Give VICTORY

Don’t let Satan’s lies keep you isolated. Let GOD trump those lies with His truth, grace, love, power, & wisdom. He’s got enough to share.

Love you!! And if we met in person, even if I have resting snooty face… it’s probably me just being insecure & thinking inwardly about my own faults, not yours!

We’re all a work in progress! Hug it out, pray it over, & encourage one another in love!

Shine Hope by praying out the insecurities & praying for the boldness to LIVE LOVE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning EST for more encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Eternity Necklace

Multiple mix metal chains are hugged by a metal curved tube to create this simple yet elegant piece with a lobster clasp closure.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write and grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to help end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Feeling Lost

Sprawled on the floor with a tear-stained face, wondering how you will survive through to the morning, wondering if you WANT to survive until the morning.

You have tried everything to revive the ruin of your life…. You have tried to stay positive…. You have tried to be strong.

And yet, here you are, melting into despair, wondering if a life ended is better than another day of the pain that you live now.

You know God. You consider yourself a Christian, knowing that Christ paid your debt to set you free from sin. And yet, you still wonder if even our great God could do anything to help bring hope into your crumbled, bleak resemblance of life.

And then the tinge of guilt for claiming to have faith while still falling apart.

It’s hard to admit you’re falling apart when others doubt your faith.

How do you give God your best when you have nothing left to give? How do you give God anything at all?

Being Faithful in Weakness

It’s so easy to think that faithfulness means never struggling, but how many retellings in the Bible express immense struggles, while still remaining faithful?

Sometimes, doesn’t it feel like, as a Christian, we put this pressure on ourselves to “measure up” to the “standard”?

It feels like being faithful means being perfect all the time.

Like being faithful means never messing up.

Like being faithful means never being overwhelmed by hurt & pain & stress.

We think that being faithful means always being strong & always believing unwaveringly.

We think that being faithful means never falling apart.

We often think that it’s up to us to carry through the storm, to prove our faith.

But Still…

But no amount of our strength & no amount of positive thinking can bring back a loved one.

No amount of effort can erase a hole in our heart.

No amount of trying can undo a devastatingly painful circumstance.

Sometimes, no matter how tirelessly we try, our efforts just don’t do a thing to solve our problem or heal our heart or fix our situation.

So why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? As if, if we try harder next time, we can overcome?

Expressing Pain While Staying Faithful

If we struggle to put the expression or feelings of hurt, pain, or torment in the same sentence as faithfulness, think of some of the people represented throughout the Bible.

Think of Job’s loss & torment, while still praising & trusting God.

Think of David’s lamenting psalms, while still looking to God as his help & refuge.

Think of Christ’s bloody tears, while still obeying God’s mission to save us on the cross.

Faithfulness Isn’t…

Faithfulness does not mean being strong on our own.

Faithfulness does not mean we never cry out in pain.

Faithfulness does not mean we don’t hurt.

Faithfulness does not mean pretending our personal world isn’t falling apart.

Faithfulness does not mean never wanting to quit.

Giving Our Best-Even When It’s Small

Even when we have nothing, even when we are at our worst, we can give God our best just by trusting God to be enough when we are not.

Mustard seed-sized faith–“small, barely holding on, but knowing somewhere, somehow, God CAN” type faith.

Faith that says, “I personally can see no way of hope, but if anyone can, God CAN.”

Stepping outside of the chaos & destruction to say, “God, how can You bring anything good out of THIS? How can THIS be part of Your PLAN?! Help me to trust You because I don’t know how to hold on anymore. I don’t have a plan. I can’t fix it. But God, You are somehow enough. Help me to rest in that. Help me to trust You when every odd seems to be working against me. I can’t. I CAN’T.

But You CAN.”

That’s faith. Trusting that He CAN in the midst of our CAN’Ts.

Giving To Get, But GOD

You see, as people, we have the tendency to think that to have faith or to give God our best, we need to be strong warriors. We think we have to bring something to the table for God to use.

But even when we have nothing, God CAN.

In those times of loss & despair, where nothing seems like it could ever improve, we have the rare opportunity to see that, plainly stated, IT’S NOT US.

That even when we are falling apart at the seams, GOD IS ENOUGH.

Even without our help.

Trusting in the Hurricane

As I sit here in the hospital with my 24-year old baby sister who is recovering from a ruptured appendix, I am reminded of this beautiful truth.

As I sat crying on the couch last Monday, after hearing that my sister was fighting for her life on the other side of the globe, I was reminded of this truth.

Botched travel plans & a day of rushing through three train stations & two airports, I was reminded of this truth.

I didn’t have anything to give. I couldn’t beam to Florida, from Japan, to be with my sister. I couldn’t fix the travel woes. I couldn’t heal her. I couldn’t control anything.

I cried. A lot.

And as I lay there frustrated & aching & scared, on my couch in Japan, far away from my sister, I was reminded that God CAN.

God never loses control.

God Reigns Through It ALL

He sees it all.

It may not turn out the way I expect or the way my limited perspective longs for, but He makes it fit together in a plan so big & so vast that expands beyond the current circumstances.

As I heard in a song once, “Sometimes God calms the storm & sometimes He calms His child.”

You see, even IF things do not go the way we pray. Even if it all seems to fall apart, God never wastes a moment & He is always in control.

He offers peace in the torment. He offers strength in the collapse. He offers power over the fear. He offers courage in the unknowns. He offers HOPE in the midst of hopeless.

He is always working HOPE. He is always pointing back to Himself. He is always offering to sustain us.

God CAN.

GOD CAN

So, as I sit here (now writing from the hospital cafeteria, in Florida, as my sister rests), I am reminded that GOD CAN.

I feel strength I didn’t muster. I feel courage amidst the fear. I feel peace in the storm.

God is with us. He is sustaining us. He is reviving us.

God has it in His able hands. God loves us unconditionally. God CAN.

And because I know my sister loves Jesus & has her hope placed in Him alone, I know that even if God had not indeed chosen a road to recovery, (*Which it miraculously seems recovery is where we’re headed at this point!!!!), God would have taken her to a shining & glorious place called Heaven, where she can rush into the loving arms of her Savior & dance a dance of hope & love & eternal joy.

God always has a plan. All for Him, even when things don’t go our way, but thank You Lord for the recovery we are seeing!!!!!

Even When… God’s Grace Remains

Even when we feel lost

Even when all hope is gone

Even when our hurt seems strong

God’s grace will still remain

And even when all crashes down

And even when our strength is gone

And even when we’ve given up

God’s good grace still overcomes

We may have nothing

To offer Him

We may have nothing

To offer Him

We may be hurting, all hope feels gone

BUT God’s Grace still reigns the day

God’s GOOD GRACE reigns always

((*Always shine HOPE, even if it means saying, “God, I can’t do this, but You can.”))

If you feel God is not calming the storm, pray & ask for His strength to carry you through. Ask for His peace & courage. Ask for His perspective.

And listen to “Blessings” by Laura Story.

*I don’t own the rights to this song. All rights to Laura Story & Company.

Coming Next Week

*I am sorry for the lapse last week. That was the day I found out about my sister. Thank you for showing me grace & for your prayers as she has a long road to recovery. Thank You, Lord, for Your healing power & sustaining grace!!!*

Check back every Monday morning EST for more encouragement! Love you, sisters!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Horizon Earrings

These golden diamond shaped earrings are wrapped with vibrant coral thread.

Artisan Information:

In India, poverty is rampant & fair working conditions are hard to find. But with every purchase, women are receiving an income, access to healthcare, adult literacy programs, & self-help groups! Not only does this change their lives, but they are also pouring back into their communities & helping others! You have the opportunity to empower thousands of women in India!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

(*Also shown: Awakening Bracelet from India!*)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Getting Vulnerable

Today, I am about to get a little vulnerable with you. I am going to let you peek inside my reality of living in a foreign country, away from most English. I am going to share my journey with high stress & anxiety.

Some of you, if you have not had a similar experience, may be tempted to roll your eyes at me. You may think I am grossly exaggerating the truth in order to get attention or to make an interesting story & I honestly wish that were the truth, but it isn’t.

Some of you may know exactly how this feels & have felt like maybe you were the only one who has ever been ripped to shreds through anxiety & stress. You aren’t.

You Are Not Crazy.

Mental illness & struggles can make you feel like you have gone mad & you wonder what is wrong with you. Anxiety, like most mental struggles is something that does not discriminate & if left unchecked can literally ruin your relationships & your life. Sometimes, it can lead to suicide.

Anxiety, depression, high stress, PPD, PTSD, & so many other mental illnesses or imbalances can be serious business. Don’t take them lightly. Get help. It’s okay to not be okay.

Offer Unconditional Love

If someone you know confesses to a deep problem with anxiety or the other many mental illnesses/struggles out there, pray with them, for them, & seek to get them help & support. Show them that it is okay to not be okay. Show them that you love them in the mess, without expecting them to “get better” while you avoid them in the meantime. Trust God to be your strength & wisdom as you love them through their struggle. You don’t have to have all the answers or the great solution. Just love them & give them a safe space.

So, here I go….

A History of Depression

As a background, I have been through struggles with depression twice in my life. The first time was two full years in high school that left me in deep sobs almost every day, wishing my life were over, but too scared for suicide.

The second time depression hit, it hit twice as hard. I think because the first round drew me to understand how real God is & how much He really does love me, I assumed it was a lesson learned & thought that was the end of it, so when it attacked again, I fell hard. Suicidal plans on several occasions fortunately scared me into getting help.

God Guides When We Let Him

Fast forward about ten years & I meet Jamie, my handsome husband whom I love dearly. I was scared of commitment & hurt from my past, but God walked alongside me & gave me the confidence to lean into Him to guide me through my relationship of dating Jamie.

Through God’s amazingly inconceivable guidance (really, it blows my mind when I realize how involved He is when we let Him! Check out our love story, here), but through that, God led us to our wedding day for which I am eternally grateful.

Wedded Bliss Is Sometimes Stressful–Can I Get an Amen?

Three months after that wedding day, we moved to the opposite side of the planet, to beautiful, tropical Guam.

In my mind, living on a tropical island seemed like a dream rather than reality, but stress does not discriminate based on location.

I didn’t have a job or a car or friends for a good long time on Guam. I had come so eager & full of life & love, but was not met with great response.

Jamie worked twelve-hour shifts, plus the drive to & from, & usually ended up taking on extra shifts into his days off. Inevitably, he had little energy or much of anything left to offer me when he was home.

My life was defined by isolation & extreme loneliness like I had never known before.

Add to that, the fighting.

So. Much. Fighting. He was tired, I was sad… It wasn’t a great combination. It left him feeling inadequate & strained… It left me feeling abandoned & unloved.

While God worked through our tensions, through much prayer time as a couple, our relationship grew stronger, but the overall stress remained.

I became resentful of my circumstances & instead of bowing them at the feet of Jesus & clinging to Him as my ENOUGH while I struggled, I grew bitter because the pain I struggled with every day refused to go away for good.

Enter: Life as a Foreigner

Then we moved to Japan.

We moved to an area of Japan with almost ZERO English spoken or written. We moved to an area of Japan where full conversations rarely happened because broken English made them more difficult. We moved to an area of Japan that made my foreignness stand out like a glaring neon sign, mocking me at every difficulty to live my day to day life.

I loved our time there & our friends & church family & the immense beauty seen & adventures had, but stress was a natural byproduct of living life as a foreigner.

Loneliness increased. Isolation increased. Pressure & strain increased.

I was HAPPY with my life, but I was so stressed out that I couldn’t seem to enjoy it for very long! That’s part of what made me feel crazy because I could acknowledge the good in my life, yet still feel like I was crumbling.

Feeling the Disconnect

Thankfully, Jamie & I had learned on Guam that the fight was not against each other & since he had a lighter work schedule, we tended to work together instead of against each other on this move, but he still couldn’t fully grasp my struggle since he had some English spoken at work & dealt with equipment in English.

On top of that, church was in Japanese, with translators we are eternally indebted to & grateful for, but who were not professionals. We missed a lot just because that’s how it is. Lost in translation was another hurdle because words don’t always translate the same way in different languages.

Stress Off the Charts

I am certain that I would have broken a stress test had I had the opportunity to take one. I was crumbling with each passing week.

Eventually, I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.

The joy, the optimism, the hope, the faith in God’s ability & love… Regular prayer & hope in God… Spiritual support & encouragement… Everything started fading to grey & then turning to black.

Survival Mode

I started giving up & turning to survival mode only.

Every day was about getting myself to live until the next day.

Some days, all plans got thrown out the window because a day of Netflix was all that my stress & anxiety could handle.

I watched happy videos & read happy posts on Facebook that left me in bitter tears–incredibly sad that it felt so out of reach for me.

My Past Struggle with “Barrenness”

(*I put that in quotes because I don’t know if I am actually barren. I just know that despite the doctors giving me green lights across the board, I have no baby to show for 5-6 years of trying.)

On top of everything was a lack of children. My dream was to have children & to raise them intentionally to be lights out in the dark world for Christ long after I am gone, but God withheld even that from me. I felt like He was saying I wasn’t even good enough for that gift.

I thought maybe if I had purpose as a Mom… Someone to keep me company & love me… Someone I could love & pour into…. But God kept saying no. It crushed my spirit.

(*As an update on children, God has really shone light & hope into that area for me so that it no longer haunts me with disappointment, bitterness & pain… check out my blog post on it, here.)

The Crazy Got Worse

And then the rage came.

To people that ask, I describe it as having had a rage monster living inside of me, who thrashes & scrapes at me constantly. The rage began controlling my life.

And the sadness. The tears.

The triggers seemed to grow exponentially as things that once seemed to roll of my back as no big deal now seemed like it was the end of the world. When once I would shrug & laugh it off, now it seemed to rip through to my core, erupting tears of despair or uncontrolled bouts of rage.

I felt my sanity slipping & it scared me!

I remember calling Jamie when I was on home leave (with him meeting me in a week or so), crying because I thought that being away from the stress would relax me, but that I still felt uncontrolled rage & sadness at every tiny trigger. I was crushed!

Don’t get me wrong, I still had good hours, days, & weeks, but it was just that when things used to just slide off me, now they consumed me with anger or despair. I knew, logically, that there was no reason to feel so distraught, but it didn’t seem to matter. Imagine PMS that never ends & your emotions are on a constant roller coaster to the extreme.

And It Got Worse

And my language. WOW. Growing up in a Christian home, I always watched my mouth (soapy tongue was the consequence if I didn’t control it). And then, all of a sudden my language was more foul that I had ever heard from those who let it flow. (All of this was under my breath or when no one was around, but when no one was home, it was screamed.)

As an example, in trying to pack up our nativity scene after one Christmas, the Styrofoam packaging kept breaking apart, would not fit back together properly, & thus was a struggle to get it back into the box. My reaction? Dropping the Styrofoam with nativity piece & then chucking the box at the wall until it tore into several pieces, all while stringing together ten or more curse words at full volume (imagine a shrieking scream as I yelled them). Then? Tears.

The crazy was getting real & I couldn’t figure out how to make it stop.

Hurting Those Around Me

That became my life. It took everything in me to keep from doing that in front of Jamie, but I would try to leave the room to react or write long hateful messages on my phone notes to get it out of my system before I could explode.

Our cat, Cisco, would even hide from me when I would erupt, too scared for me to touch him.

Broken, & Feeling Hopeless

I didn’t recognize myself. I was broken & I couldn’t seem to put myself together again.

Hope was slowly draining out of every pore in me.

No one seemed to understand. Everyone had flat suggestions that I had tried a billion times. They seemed to be slowly stepping away from me, trying to avoid my stress from seeping into their own lives.

I felt SO ALONE!

A Safe Space

Luckily, because Jamie knew my history with depression, he was a safe space for me, which gave me some control over it completely devouring my life & sending me to suicide, but I was barely holding on each day.

When we had the choice to leave Hokkaido or extend, I told Jamie, “Here is my opinion. Either we leave as soon as we are contractually allowed to go, or we sign me up for counseling as soon as we possibly can because I am falling apart & I need serious help. This is not a drill. This is not an exaggeration. This is not a temporary emotional tremor. I need help. NOW. Because, if we do not leave the immensely consuming stress triggers or if I don’t get help soon, I am going to be a risk for suicide. I need help now.”

He listened, thankfully, & we moved within a few months. Praise GOD.

Recovering from the Damage

But the damage had already been done & it followed me like a threatening plague that had infiltrated my life.

I started asking God for help.

My prayers were barely believing, merely out of desperation, & they sounded something like, “I don’t know if You even care about me anymore or why You’re letting me just keep suffering, but somehow I know You must have a plan. Don’t You? Help me! I have nothing left, but I need help, so please help me.”

My Faith Was Small, But My God Is BIG

I barely believed He would even do anything.

Barely believed… you might say I had only a mustard seed-sized faith. Sound familiar? (Luke 17:6)

I had nothing left to give. Nothing to contribute to getting better. Nothing to offer God to use to help me.

I was broken & beaten. I was scarred & scared. I was sad & lonely. I was angry & bitter & hurt. No strength left to even lick my wounds. Just exhausted & done fighting it. I felt hurt at the woman I had become from a woman of strong faith in God’s ability, power, & love, to a woman sniveling on the floor, not strong enough to even lift her head out of the muck that was my life.

But, GOD

But. God. Can.

He. Is. Able.

When I can’t, He can.

When I can’t offer anything, He offers His all.

When I see no foreseeable victory, He conquers it all.

When I give up, He stays faithful.

When I am broken, He heals me.

He. Is. Enough.

There IS Hope

So, in those moments where you feel you’re not enough… When you feel like your life is falling apart & there is no fix in sight… GOD CAN.

When you feel resentful & bitter & have given up… GOD CAN.

When you feel you can’t fix it… GOD CAN.

When you are a complete failure with no value left to offer the world… GOD CAN.

GOD. CAN.

Sometimes, He lets us face the hardest trials of life where we cannot see any hope or good coming from it, but GOD HAS A PLAN.

God Is Mighty!!

In those moments we have the opportunity to see just how GREAT & MIGHTY & POWERFUL God is, because we know that none of it was from us!

Cling to Him. Lean into Him. Collapse into His arms or at His feet. Cry out to Him. Be honest with Him.

Ask for a heart change to allow you to trust Him when you don’t.

Just. Trust. Him.

GOD. CAN.

You have a choice between two statements:

“God, I can’t do this. I am broken. I am bitter & angry & sad. I fail at everything. I don’t have anything left to give. I give up.”

OR

“God, I can’t do this. I am broken. I am bitter & angry & sad. I fail at everything. I don’t have anything left to give. But You are MIGHTY. Help me to trust YOU. Help me to cling to YOU. Thought the storm may rage around me, yet I will trust in YOU.”

Amen?

AMEN!

I hope this has encouraged someone. I hope this has helped you see that in the hopeless, there is still hope.

Only. In. Christ Jesus.

Shine HOPE!

Coming Next Week

Check back every Monday morning EST for more encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Legacy Necklace

This necklace features a cream & grey chevron pendant made from ethically collected bone & resin, which distributes 20 strands of shimmering fringe.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & they grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & to send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

My Mantra

My mantra for this new year of 2019 is, “Not Perfection, But Progress.”

Does anyone else tend to beat themselves up when they see how far they are from reaching certain goals or potential they see for themselves?

Each year, I tend to have some times where I am especially down on myself, looking back & seeing my failures & shortcomings as if they were glaring neon signs shouting my inadequacies.

I see where I want to be, the ways I have failed in getting there, & feel like each year there’s less & less chance I will ever get where I want to be.

That ends today.

Just Progress

I no longer want to place that pressure of unattainable perfection on my own shoulders day by day. I want, instead, to learn how to trust God in the PROGRESS.

I don’t want to stay trapped by trauma, scars, weaknesses, fears, or the failures in my past, but rather to strive in learning how to trust God to grow me into the potential He has created within me.

And then there’s the age old comparison game. “Well, she’s done this & I can’t even do this!” Everyone’s journey is different, so fix your eyes on Jesus & let Him work things out on His schedule.

This Year-Jesus

This year, I really want to work on pressing into my over-arching purpose—to glorify God in all areas of my life.

And that requires me to quit obsessing over the rearview mirror into my past, to quit obsessing over perfection in my present life, & instead, to press into the striving to know & love God more each day.

Progress, not perfection. That’s it.

God Can…

It can be paralyzing to look at everything you feel you were meant for, in comparison with where you are now.

Maybe you see your present circumstances & all of the limitations they barricade into your life. Maybe you see your past as less than victorious & wonder how that could ever change.

But God doesn’t think in “maybes”. God KNOWS what He is capable of in your life—if you are bowing it to Him. He knows His plan for you.

But God also knows our weaknesses, insecurities, limitations, failures, & fears better than anyone out there—even better than you know them yourself. AND, God knows how to help you overcome them–And even has the power to help make victory reality!

Instant Perfection Vs Perpetual Growth

As you are probably well aware, we don’t automatically become perfect upon salvation. None of us are “good Christians” when it all boils down to it.

But God is faithful & just to complete the work He began in us. HE completes the work in us—as we learn to submit each area of it to Him.

He perfects us along the way. It is not something we are expected to achieve overnight (or even in 2019). Just. Progress.

Allow Grace, Lean into Jesus, & Let Him Grow You!

So, that’s my encouragement for you this week. Allow yourself grace for your past shortcomings & allow God access to different areas of your life in need of growth. (& let Him be the author of that growth!)

Pray over each area you see needs change & trust His craftmanship to shape you into the woman He designed you to be.

As the children’s song reminds us, “He’s got the whole world in His hands.” That includes you.

Shine HOPE, Lovely, wherever you’re at in life right now, shine HOPE.

Coming Next Week

Make sure to check back next Monday morning EST for your next weekly dose of encouragement! Hope to “see” you then! (*Hint: Make sure to “Join My Tribe” at the top bar to keep from missing out!)

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Charisma Bracelet

This bracelet has lavender & light pink suede, threaded with faceted gold colored beads.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Through the sales of their beautiful pieces, women in India have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

New Year, New Possibilities

This time of year, many of us are excitedly planning for the new year.

Maybe you are setting your New Year’s Resolutions. Maybe, like me, you realize that those resolutions never seem to last further than February, so you are looking to set smaller goals towards those eventual goals.

On Thursday, I talked about the “One Small Change” Challenge. Basically, instead of setting major, vague goals, try taking baby steps toward the accomplishment of those goals (*Check out that post, “One Big Dream-One Small Change,” with suggestions on small change ideas, here.)

Whatever your plans (or lack of plans) for the new year, we all have a carried sense of areas of our life that could use improvement, am I right? I know that I recognize so many in my own life right now, for sure!

And above all, the greatest improvement we can make is to know & love our God more with each passing day, week, month, & year. (*Check out “The Greatest Prayer-To Know & Love God” post, here.)

The Tricky Subject

But wait a minute. This can be a pretty tricky subject.

I am sure, if you are like me, you may have heard many a sermon on “10 Ways to be a Better Christian.”

And maybe, if you’re also like me, you probably had already recognized many of those weaknesses within yourself & upon the sermon’s close, are now riddled with a sense of even greater disappointment & burden.

Sometimes, no matter how much you know you should change or how much you wish to change, you just don’t know HOW to be better, or where to start, or how to change… because your efforts always seem to fall flat.

The Solution We Need

Well, have no fear, because I have found a solution that will ease those fears, shame & worries away, while also bringing about those changes that you see are needed!

As I said, THERE IS HOPE.

God makes it happen-Not you.

Let me explain….

The Book That Unveiled Truth

I read a book a couple years ago, written by Andrew Murray (translated into English), called “Andrew Murray on Prayer”, a collection of his works. 

His words of wisdom changed the ENTIRE course of my life when it comes to failing at change.

COMPLETELY. ENTIRELY.

Mind you, it wasn’t HIS wisdom, but rather his teaching on GOD’S wisdom that forever changed me.

Here’s the magic key. (*Please read his collection for yourself, because he speaks much more eloquently & succinctly than I do!) The magic key is God.

Not on Our Own

Now wait a minute!! We are supposed to be doing these things FOR God… To be BETTER for God…. So how is HE the key to make that happen?

You see, God gave grace for free. We are not asked to now pay off our debt. (*Hint: We can’t!) We are all limited, finite, & prone to weakness & mistakes.

We CAN’T change ourselves on our own.

Only God can.

For God, By God, Through God

Andrew Murray’s writings helped me to see that every time God asks something of us, He includes, “by faith”, “through faith”, “by God”, or “through God,” with His request.

The pattern? When He asks something of us, He doesn’t expect us to measure up to be good enough or strong enough or wise enough or diligent enough to complete the tasks.

He simply asks us to trust HIS “enoughness” to make them happen!

He asks. He provides everything we need to fulfill those requests. And we just do. We let Him be the power, wisdom, & strength behind everything & we just do.

Lay It All Down

So, listen to me with this… Take all of that burden from your tired, aching shoulders, & place it on His.

REST in Him. Choose what is “BETTER“.

The Key–Strive to Know & Love God More & Trust HIM

Remember how I brought up the “Greatest Prayer”—to know & love God?

THAT is the key.

THAT is the key to EVERYTHING.

You see, God doesn’t ask us to take our yoke & then ask Him to help us carry it, with our plans & attempts to be better & good & everything else.

He asks us to take up HIS yoke. His plans, His ways, His goals for us, His path. Not ours.

“Come unto me, all you that labor & are heavy laden, & I will give you rest.

Take My yoke upon you, & learn of me; for I am meek & lowly in heart: & you shall find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy, & my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

We may mean well & want to please Him, which is an AWESOME thing to desire, but we must learn to desire HIM first & to learn to bow everything else before Him, trusting Him to shape us, guide us, & grow us in His timing, His ways, His wisdom, & HIS POWER.

Be Everything VS Trust God in Everything

I heard a friend share about the Proverbs 31 Woman. (*Some of you are eye-rolling right now, feeling completely lacking compared to this woman we all marvel at, but hear me out.) My friend shared a unique angle I had never heard taught before.

She shared the qualities of the Proverbs 31 Woman in clear detail, covering all of her amazing qualities & characteristics to a group of high school girls.

She finished this discussion with a list of all of them, bulleted plainly, to show all of them.

The girls began furiously taking notes, knowing that they should or wanted to be this type of woman for God.

But then, my friend did something that struck me so powerfully that it has stuck clearly in my heart to this day. She put a giant X through the list & told the class not to write a single word of it down.

What?!

Of course, we all, including myself, looked around, confused. We wanted to please God like that woman! We wanted to prove our dedication & love to Him by learning to emulate the Proverbs 31 Woman. We wanted to be enough for God! We wanted to be good enough.

But then, she followed with words similar to these, “Don’t write down that list. Imagine that list as a bunch of spinning plates. You are trying to balance each plate as it spins, focusing & stressing to keep those plates steady & spinning, all simultaneously. You drop one, two, five. They break.

You feel panicked, trying to measure up, trying to keep going. Trying to be good enough for God. But you keep failing. You are growing more weary. More dejected.

Instead, spin ONE plate—learning to know & love God more every day. Girls, as you strive to do that, God will guide you through everything else.

God doesn’t expect perfection upon salvation. He expects our love & trust in His ability to change & shape us into that woman in His timing. Give yourself grace & trust fully in GOD’S GRACE. He. Is. ENOUGH.”

Wow.

(*And now you know the story that inspired “The Greatest Prayer-To Know & Love God” post.)

The Common Thread

You see, the common thread between Andrew Murray’s writings & my friend’s Bible lesson is letting God be the orchestrator of change in your life.

Don’t strain to be good enough for God. Rest in the fact that God is good enough for you—more than GOOD enough.

Rest in Him. Get to know Him. Learn to love Him more each passing day.

Cross It Out, Lay It Down, Lean into God

So, take your list & cross it out. Or rather, lay it at God’s feet.

Tell Him, “Lord, Father, Almighty God… These are things I know I want to improve, but You know me. You know me better than I know myself. You, God, know how best to lead me. Guide me where YOU want ME to change. And give me wisdom on HOW to change, on steps to take, on where to learn modeled behavior that honors you for THAT area. Give me YOUR strength to make it happen. Give me YOUR power to see it through. You are enough & I trust Your guidance & growth in me, so help me see it through Your way, Your timing, & Your will. AMEN.”

He Is Faithful

One of my goals, for many years, was to read my Bible consistently & not just rely on “tweetable” verses or chapters used in studies I was going through. I knew God was pressing on me to improve in this, but I wasn’t trusting Him with the change or the how.

And today, I will be finishing my last two chapters in Revelation to complete my read through of the Bible for the second time!! And this time, diligently within the year of 2018!

I didn’t read every day & I allowed myself grace. But also, on days where I had a headache or was sick or distracted or busy, where I felt I just couldn’t read that day, I would stop & pray & ask God to give me clarity of thought from distractions or haziness from headaches/colds & ask God to give me strength to stay awake & alert enough to read before bed.

I wouldn’t give up if I didn’t feel His help right away, but would wait & rest in Him, knowing that He would give me the strength & clarity I needed to complete a task which honors Him—knowing Him more.

He always provided. He was faithful to help me make it happen 100% of the time, without fail.

He Provides His

God doesn’t ask us to honor Him with our time & efforts on our OWN strength, power, or wisdom. He provides His.

So, if you have something that you know you need to do that would honor Him, ask for His help in doing it. Don’t exhaust yourself doing it on your own.

He doesn’t ask us to prove our love to Him through tasks. He loves us & because God loves us, when we submit to Him, He offers His power & His wisdom to accomplish what He asks.

Not your ability, but His.

Trust Him. It’s definitely worth it, 100% of the time!!

Let Him be God.

Don’t think about all of the things you should be willing to give up. Think of all the ways He provides: peace, strength, contentment, rest, joy, love, etc.

He. Is. Enough. 100% & beyond.

Through God. By God. For God.

Trust His “enoughness.” Trust His plan. Trust His know-how. Trust His love for you.

Trust His everything.

Coming Next Week

Join me next week, on Monday EST, for some more encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Truth Earrings

These incredibly light earrings are made with genuine local capiz shell.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchase, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Sometimes…

Sometimes, life isn’t so pretty. Sometimes, insecurities win. Sometimes, we let our desire to be good outweigh the good that God is actually calling us to do.

Whatever distractions are holding you back personally, my biggest one is doubt.

I always doubt whether my actions are led by a desire to feel or seem good, or whether they are actually led by God’s will.

Am I living to glorify myself or to glorify God?

Am I living to please man or to please God?

Am I living by my wisdom or God’s?

It is so hard to navigate some of these feelings & sometimes it makes us want to just quit & hide away in comfort. (At least, that’s how it makes me feel).

And Today…

Today, I struggled yet again with these doubts.

I don’t know all the answers. I don’t know whether God will empower me to continue this blog or to shut it down to go wherever else He may be calling me, but until I figure that out, I will keep seeking God’s direction & I will keep seeking to honor Him.

Letting My Heart Show

The following prayer resulted from brain fog. Every week seems like a battle of the will to show up & write a blog & I am constantly doubting whether it is God’s will or whether I am just trying to feel like I am doing good. (Or whether Satan is just trying to keep me from shining any light of hope into this world).

Please pray this openly & ask God to show you His will for Your life. Don’t settle for hiding. Don’t settle for less. Don’t let excuses rule your day. God is bigger. God is able.

My Prayer

“Dear God,

I am not worthy to write this blog. Why did this come in my path? Are you asking me to do this, or is it my way to not feel like I am wasting my life? I say I want to serve You, but does my life really display that as reality? Or am I just wanting to feel good about myself?

I don’t think I can do this blog. I don’t want to do this blog. I don’t feel like I have anything worthy to say that could do any real good in anyone’s life.

Is this Your way of telling me to quit the blog or is Satan trying to dim Your light in my life? It is easy for me to believe the latter because this seems like something that would honor You, but at the same time, I have so distanced myself from You over my years of bitterness that I don’t know if I can always accurately discern Your voice anymore.

I wonder sometimes if I should give up working with Trades of Hope, too, because I have failed so miserably in representing them & in supporting my team. I wonder sometimes if I should quit my Facebook page community because I am so scattered & not always professional & others seem to not even be interested in it. I want to quit this blog because I wonder what good I could realistically do for You.

I feel like a failure at everything I try to do for You. Does this mean You don’t want me doing it? Or are You trying to teach me to rely on You instead of myself?

Show me what You want from me. Make Your voice clear amidst the insecurities & fears & facing the unknown. Show me what YOU want from me.

I know that oftentimes, we like to jump to do good & claim that it’s Your will when You might have a completely different plan for us that we’re avoiding because we think we have already figured things out for You.

I don’t want that. I want YOUR will. I want to shine YOUR light. Not mine.

I feel so conflicted that I just want to slam my laptop shut & never try blogging again.

I want to quit Trades of Hope & blogging & doing LIVE videos & all of it.

I don’t want to feel this conflict anymore. It was easier when I did nothing.

I want to sit on the couch & try to tune out the hurts in the world. I want to stay in pjs & watch tv & try not to care. I want so badly to be comfortable!

But then it isn’t any easier when I do nothing because I feel the pain of seeing a hurting world pass me by & then knowing I am doing nothing to make it any better.

I am a mess. I don’t deserve to be used by You. I don’t deserve for anyone to listen to me.

I have scars & a past & insecurities & weaknesses & areas of intense pride & I struggle being gracious to the flaws of others & I constantly choose comfort over You or the people of this world that You love so much who are hurting so much.

I don’t deserve to be a part of anything You are doing in this world.

I just want to be used by You & I don’t know how.

I don’t know how, God. Please show me Your will.

I don’t want to just do things that make me feel good about myself. I want to do Your will. I want to follow Your call. I want to join in where You are already working.

Not my will, but Yours be done.

Whether I quit this blog or whether You ask me to continue writing & continue allowing myself to be vulnerable for all the world to judge. Shine through it. Even if you ask me to do something harder than this. Your will. Not mine.

I am tired of making excuses & hiding from what I don’t yet know or understand.

Be the Light & shine a path for me.

Use me how You will, God. Make me Your vessel. Shine through my brokenness. Make me Your ambassador.

Show me Your will.

I am tired of trying to force goodness. I am tired of fighting against my excuses. I am tired of trying to be strong on my own. I am tired of being dragged down by the idol of Comfort. I am tired of living for me. I am tired of fighting You.

True strength & power & wisdom & peace & GOODNESS comes from You ALONE. Help me to stop trying to create it on my own, in my own strength. Help me to submit & to draw near to You.

Whatever is holding me back from Your will, remove it. Wherever I am hiding away, expose it with Your Truth. Wash me. Cleanse me. Renew my heart & mind & draw me back to Yourself.

I want to know You. I want to serve You out of LOVE & devotion. I want others to know Your love through how I live & how I love others. I want to be self-disciplined & productive in Your kingdom. I want to serve others by expressing Your love for them. I want a real faith defined by real action. I want to know & love You more.

Don’t give up on me.

In Jesus’ Powerful Name,

Amen.”

The Truth

The Truth? I don’t have it all together. Satan tries to discourage me. But when that happens, I have a choice. I can either choose to give up & stay where I’m at… forever… OR, I can take those fears, those doubts, those insecurities, & everything else that tries to hold me back to GOD. Because that’s when the real change can happen. That’s where the power is. Don’t give up… Give it to God.

Shine Hope, Lovelies. And don’t you ever give up.

Coming Up

This Thursday is time for our Special Feature blog post for this month! Check back Thursday morning for Part 2 of “A Love Story”! To catch up with Part 1 before Thursday, read it here.

Also, as always, check back next Monday morning for more encouragement.

I am praying that this reaches the women it was meant for. God sees you, Lovely.

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

The Warrior Cuff

Empowering Women in India Out of Poverty!

This brass gold, hammered, stacked cuff opens in the back.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in India!

(*Also shown: Empire Earrings, made by artisans in India.)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE, Lovely!

Feeling the Weight

Have you ever felt broken, like you didn’t deserve a second chance?

Have you ever felt the grip of guilt or shame not loosen its grip?

Have you ever cried over past mistakes & felt broken inside?

Have you ever felt beyond repair?

Me too.

Looking Back

I have never been perfect, although I tried to believe I could be, or at least make others believe that I was.

Growing up in a Christian home, going to church a couple or few times a week, I felt the pressure to be good, even though I was not.

I felt like a fraud, pretending my way through church services.

I felt ashamed to admit the truth, guessing that my family would probably have a heart attack if they knew the real me—the imperfect me. The rebellious, stubborn, prideful me.

The doubting me….

Doubts Washed Away

I had so many doubts about faith when I was growing up. Church claimed that God was the one true God, but the world claimed other gods, each defending their own religions.

I didn’t want to doubt. But I did.

If you have read my story of “Hope is Found”, you will know what happened next…. You will see how God washed my torturous doubts away like a cool summer rain. He set me free to live at peace with Him.

I know Who the real God is, whether I always like how He does things or not—He is God either way & He knows best, whether I understand in the moment or not.

Turning Away

But again, this is a new day, with new lessons to learn.

Brokenness. Guilt. Shame. Past mistakes. “Beyond repair”.

You would think that after everything that God has taught me & everything He has brought me through, I would be courageous & bold & unwavering in my faith & pursuit to honor God.

You would think.

But, here I am.

Israelites = ME

The older I get, the more I seem to relate to the Israelites in the Bible.

The Israelites were God’s chosen people & God demonstrated His love & grace & power & forgiveness & PATIENCE through His relationship with the Israelite people throughout the Bible.

Basically, their relationship went like this…

God would make them promises, saying all they had to do was trust Him wholeheartedly & follow His will & way. They would worship & praise & follow & obey. Then pride. Then hard-heartedness. Then rebellion. Then captivity. Then cries for redemption….

And then God would save them in a powerful way… & then the cycle would start again.

In our well-meaning, naïve (*Coughproudcough) way, we tend to scoff from the sidelines & shout at the Israelites as we read of their rebellions springing up yet again, “What is wrong with you guys! God JUST miraculously saved you after the awful way you have CONTINUOUSLY been treating Him & have been spitting in His face… only to have you reject Him AGAIN??? What is wrong with you?!?”

Haha.

How highly we like to think of ourselves, at times… am I right?

I am just the same as the Israelites, there is no way around it. If not worse than them….

The Results of Rebellion

I feel grieved. Some days, I just feel so empty & self-loathing. I cry, remembering my rebellion.

I feel broken.

I feel empty.

I feel like a fraud.

I feel like giving up in trying to be or claiming to be anything else.

But.

God’s grace.

His mercy.

His patience & forgiveness & faithfulness & steadfastness.

He Doesn’t Shame Us, He Sets Us Free

As much as I continually am beating myself up lately, feeling completely unworthy of yet another opportunity to be forgiven & renewed, the fact remains… He is faithful & He forgives me.

As many of you have heard, I had lived in an ocean of bitterness for the past many years.

Bitterness at praying for a child, going through doctor appointments, being told it would happen any day, receiving gifts from friends for the inevitable day that never came, living alone, feeling like if I only had a baby to love & to love me, I wouldn’t feel so alone. And feeling hurt & betrayed by God when it never happened.

Bitterness at feeling the loss of my husband’s love that was never really gone, but perceived to be as we literally fought through our first year and a half of marriage, feeling betrayed by the loss of his companionship & feeling betrayed by God for bringing me to the other side of the planet, only to feel abandoned & neglected by Jamie’s demanding work schedule & inevitable resulting high stress levels.

Bitterness at being so eager to plug into local churches, only to find out there was little I could do. Bitterness at pouring my heart & soul into encouraging others, only to find out they didn’t need it as much as I did.

Bitterness at myself for never being skinny or pretty enough & bitterness for believing that lie.

I Woke Up

And then the wake-up call came & I started crawling, wounded, untrusting, back to God.

I claimed to know to pray & let Him be God, but I still felt hurt & hesitant to let Him in my heart. He had heard my prayers & my cries & my inward screams & He had not changed my circumstances.

I blamed Him instead of trusting Him.

Has that ever been you?

And now, seeing Him forgive me & feeling Him work on changing my attitude & renewing my faith… I just feel shame & guilt & hesitation.

Humility Rains Down

I am as the Israelites.

God has blessed me through more heartache & trials & doubts than I can name. He has guided me & tenderly loved my heart toward Himself in powerful ways I could not ignore.

He gave me great promise & potential.

I got proud. I grew hard-hearted. I rebelled.

And now I cry out to Him. Undeserving, broken, scarred.

Believing the Lie That Shame Trumps Grace

I struggle the most right now with accepting His open arms.

It’s almost like I want to punish myself for being unfaithful & for turning my back on Him.

His grace hurts because it is so contrast to the way I have treated Him.

It makes me see my unfaithfulness to Him more clearly. I can’t hide from my part in pushing Him away.

Beauty from Ashes

But at the same time, it’s so beautiful.

It is so beautiful to come back to giving my faith to Him… to come home to Him & to realize that He is running out to greet me like I never crushed His heart to begin with.

It is humbling. It crushes me some days as I punish myself, (without Him asking me to).

He wants me to lay all of my shame down at His feet. All of my guilt & shame & scars at His feet, knowing I don’t have to carry them anymore… because His grace covers those.

But I grip on to them, afraid of getting away with it & then doing it all over again.

But as you can see, that is another form of not trusting Him, right? Not trusting that He is able to renew me & teach & guide me.

I don’t deserve the grace He so willingly offers to me. Not again. I knew better. But yet, He offers it to me all the same.

Letting the Walls Come Down

I am slowly trusting Him with prayer again. I am slowly opening my heart & accepting the role I played in distrusting His sovereignty & endless love for me (for all of us). I am slowly taking those badges of dishonor & handing them over to Him to let Him heal those broken parts.

I am good at defending myself, even my wrongs. I am good at self-denial. I am good at pretending I don’t know better, when rebellion knocks at the door.

But God is breaking through those lies I told to myself. The lies that said I was good as is. The lies that justified my wrong behavior. He is showing my a clear picture of myself in the mirror.

And I don’t like it.

Working to Rebuild

He is not doing this to shame me, but quite the opposite. I can feel Him peeling away all of the layers I built to defend myself, telling me, “I see you, Michelle. I REALLY see you. And I still love you. I REALLY love you!”

Not the me I try to be, in proving I can be good enough. No. The me that can never be “good enough”, but is so deeply loved just the same.

And He feels the same about you. He sees your scars & your coverups & your denial… And He REALLY loves you… for who you are behind all of the masks that we use to hide ourselves.

When I rebelled, the truth remains that God never left. He never betrayed or broke me. I did that.

If I Had Never Left & Even Now

He offered me hope in my disappointment, comfort in my longing, & friendship in my loneliness… But I rejected it & spat in His face because it wasn’t how I thought it should be. How I thought I wanted it to be.

It is possible to be held captive by what you were once set free from….

But the other side is just as true… It is always possible to be redeemed by what holds you captive.

A Clean Slate. A Renewed Heart & Faith

God doesn’t keep track. He doesn’t tick away at how many times He will rescue you from yourself before giving up on you. He will never give up on you. He knows we are like the Israelites, prone to wander & rebel. And He loves us anyway!

He is also loving & forgiving & patient & kind & powerful & sovereign & faithful.

If you come to Him with a repentant heart, wanting to throw away the broken, sinful, ashamed, selfish, rebellious you & exchange it for all that He offers… He is always willing & waiting with open arms.

Run To Him

So, run back, Lovely.

No matter how far you feel you have run from Him. No matter how lost you feel you are. No matter how far gone or broken or torn down you feel. RUN BACK TO HIS OPEN ARMS.

He is waiting to welcome you home… Every time… No matter what… I promise.

So. Run. Back. Home.

And leave those awful pits of guilt at His throne. Trust His grace to be more powerful than your shame.

And let Him set you free.

Let Him.

Coming Next Week

Join me next week for the next topic of encouragement! Please pray that God continue to heal my heart & to keep me steadfast in seeking Him as I seek to encourage all of you to run to Him with all you are.

He loves you.

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Bombolulu Earrings

Empowering Women in Kenya Out of Poverty!

These hammered earrings are made from heavy-gauged metal.

Artisan Information:

In Kenya, where many people struggle with starvation & poverty, the women we partner with are defying the odds! Your purchase empowers these women to earn an income, overcome physical disabilities, and become important parts of their communities!

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in Kenya!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE, Lovely!

Sounds Good to Me…

We all like to think of ourselves as good people, don’t we?

Except for those low days that we may feel self-loathing, we generally feel like we are pretty good.

At least I do.

Maybe it’s because we help others who are hurting. Maybe we give money to people in need. Maybe we are generally pretty kind with others. Maybe we’re good at forgiving others. Maybe a million other things that are good things in & of themselves… But do they make US good?

I Like to Think of Myself

I like to think about my good qualities, & ignore my bad qualities. Weaknesses are a different thing altogether—I can acknowledge those pretty easily—but “badness” or evil or sin? Nope… I like to justify those into oblivion.

Are you with me on that? Do you also try to excuse your own bad behavior? Bad thoughts? Bad past (or present)?

Sometimes we are too busy comparing the bad with the good, feeling the latter outweighs the former.

Sometimes we are too busy comparing our badness with someone else’s whose is “worse.”

Sometimes we are just plain ignorant.

Sometimes we are too busy justifying our own actions to see there actually was a better alternative.

We all have our own personal ways of covering up the less appealing sides of ourselves.

The Pressure to “Be Good”

We sometimes feel pressure from others who expect better or seem better than we are, & we fake a façade to fit in or be liked.

But count on this… that evil is there.

I grew up in a Christian home & was taught from a young age all of the right things to say & all the right things to do. I was pretty much taught how to ACT good. But on the inside, I was just like anyone else. Rotten.

Growing up, knowing I knew all of the “right” things to do & say, I began believing that I was a pretty good person, compared to the world, at least.

I grew accustomed to subconsciously conducting a goodness check on myself, realizing that I at least wasn’t doing “that.”

But all of that was a lie I used to make me feel good about myself… justified… deserving of the grace God had given me.

HA.

Anyone else fool yourselves into thinking such things?

We Can’t Earn It, Sista!

Like we could ever earn the grace of God?

God tells us in the Bible that there is none who is good, no not one—[including myself—Michelle Hyde].

He tells us that our righteousness is like dirty rags.

He tells us it is by Grace that we are saved, through faith, so that no one may boast.

You see, when we believe we are generally good people, we are lying to ourselves. Flat out lying.

The Missing Piece

We are also depriving ourselves when we tell ourselves these lies.

How are we depriving ourselves? Because we are placing the weight of our redemption on the measure of our own goodness—continually falling short, of course.

There is freedom in recognizing our evil condition. There is freedom in realizing our complete depravity.

There is freedom in recognizing our lack of goodness because instead of trying furiously to maintain the right to grace, we can fall on our face before God & fully accept His free gift, knowing His love is so great that even though we don’t even come close to deserving it—He still offers it to us, even knowing us better than we know ourselves.

A Rocky Road with Zero Marshmallows

I have mentioned before that God has been taking me down a path of learning, to learn to rely on Him more than I rely on myself.

It’s been hard. (Hard is a huge understatement, by the way—imagine instead, me crumpled on the floor in tears some days).

It’s been hard because He has been revealing my own depravity to me. And that’s never fun. He has slowly been revealing my inward, hidden & excused-away SIN.

It’s a comfort to us, to feel like we somehow deserve the grace God offers us & to feel like we can somewhat control each situation on our own, without His help or guidance… But when God takes that lie away, it’s not so fun–trust me.

He has let me wallow in it at times, merely to show me that it’s not my own goodness or strength or wisdom that gives me victory over it—it’s His alone.

On My Own is Not Where I Want to Be

If He left me to myself… I would be just as capable of doing the worst things as anyone else… Things that would ruin me.

I am naturally a sinful person. We all are.

I like to look out for myself first. I like to think I’m great. I like to hope everyone believes I am so, so good.

But the reality is? I am just as depraved as the “worst” of us. And I am just as undeserving as the “worst” of us.

We All Need It

God is revealing to me my inward struggle. He is letting me see the shameful temptations & the awful, selfish attitudes that live in me. He is letting me see the NEED I have for HIS GRACE.

The even more beautiful truth behind this self-revelation is how wrong it is for me to gauge how deserving certain people are of God’s grace compared to others.

I don’t do this consciously, mind you—I am not a heartless, uncaring person—but it’s a natural thing to see certain sins or wrongs & wonder if they could ever submit to the grace of God–or maybe they just deserve it less than others.

But God…

But God does the saving, not us (Thank God!!!), & His redemption & grace covers everything, without discrimination of our past (Again, THANK GOD!).

Take Saul, in the Bible, for instance. He murdered Christians. A LOT of Christians. He was infamous for it & just his name alone could scare people to the core.

But God spoke to Saul, humbled him, & changed the course of history through his life. God gave him a new name—Paul–& Paul became one of the absolute most influential ambassadors of hope to the world.

God Does the Changing in Us

God changes people.

Let me say that again, in case you missed it… GOD. CHANGES. PEOPLE.

Not us. Not our goodness. Not our efforts. GOD’s. HIM, ONLY.

All we are asked to do is to take our sorry state of depravity, bow before His HOLY throne, & pour it all out at His feet.

We don’t have to become perfect first. We don’t have to prove our goodness or worth. We don’t have to offer sacrifices & earn our way into grace….

He Sees Us… All of Us… And He Loves Us

He looks at us. He sees our depravity. He sees the helpless attempts to hide our sin. He has compassion on us. He reaches out His hand & draws us to Himself. He changes us. He saves us. Him.

You see, He created us. He gave us free will to choose Him or reject Him. He never wanted to force us against our will to love or obey Him—that wouldn’t be love. But He knew before He created us, that this would create opportunity for sin—a rejecting of His ways for ours. He knew the hurt this would cause. He knew that we wouldn’t be able to fully ever wash ourselves from that sin & depravity to enter again into His HOLY presence. He knew all of that before He created us.

He knew that we would need a Savior. He knew He would have to send His Son, Jesus, to cover what we could not, in order to pull us back into His HOLY presence.

And guess what? He still created us. He watched us fall. He watched us try & fail at redeeming ourselves. And He sent Jesus to save all who would come asking.

We are lost without Him… Every single one of us.

God is Enough

We have shame.

We have guilt.

We have stains we cannot wash away.

We have hurts.

We have scars.

We have a “ME” we hide away.

But God is enough.

God is enough.

God is ENOUGH to wash it all away.

So, come to Him.

Lay it all before Him.

And let HIM be the Goodness & Redemption that your hungry heart craves.

Lay It All Down

We may be REALLY good at hiding our sin & our depravity—even to ourselves.

But God sees it. He sees it all.

And still He holds out His hand to us, an open invitation for Grace & Redemption. To become His beloved children. To be freed from the chains of our sin & shame. To live in His LOVE.

So, Lovely, take a moment to consider your own depravity.

You don’t have to cover it or hide it, because God already sees it & loves you anyway.

Just come to Him with it all.

Say something like, “God, I can’t. I just can’t. I try so hard to convince myself & others that I am so good, but we both know it’s a lie. I am so selfish, so proud, so undeserving. Please forgive me for my wrong attitudes, my wrong thoughts, my wrong choices, & the wrongs I have done to others whom you also love. Please forgive me. Change me. Help me become the woman you created me to be. Help me see the me You intended me to be. Wash me clean. Change me. Shape me. Forgive me. Be my Lord, my Savior, my Father, my HOLY GOD. Amen!”

That’s all we have to do to receive God’s grace. Lay it all before Him & allow Him to work in & change you into His beautiful vision of you. The old you washed away. The new you just beginning.

God Doesn’t Discriminate

God doesn’t discriminate based on “severity of sin” but rather loves us all indiscriminately.

So, come to Him, depravity & all, & let Him be the change you seek.

Let Him have the GLORY, forever & ever, AMEN.

Shine His Light of HOPE to the world, Lovely—SHINE HOPE.

Coming Next Week

To be honest with you… I don’t know.

I had a plan, but God seems to be washing that away, whether to show me that I need to lean on Him, or whether He has a different plan than I do, I don’t know. But I had nothing to say today, other than a prayer that God would use me as a vessel of hope somehow in the blankness of my mind today, & this is what came of it.

Stay tuned & pray for me. Pray that I don’t hide away from the hard lessons I need to learn. Pray that I don’t put on a façade of perfection, but rather bare my soul & weaknesses to the world, so that others may see His HOPE & not me.

Love you, Lovely!

A Note from Michelle:

If you want to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” & “Hope is Found” pages, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Willow Necklace

Representing Women Artisans in Haiti!

Wear this hand-rolled clay and paper bead piece as a double strand necklace or detach one strand for a matching bracelet. Accented with micro paper beads.

Artisan Information:

Haiti is home to almost 500,000 orphans. The majority of these orphans have not been orphaned by parental deaths, but by parents who had to give them up simply because they could not afford to feed them. No mother should have to give up her child. Through your purchase, you provide parents with a sustainable income, so they can keep their children with them! Be a part of families stepping into bright futures together!

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in Haiti!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE, Lovely!

What I Have to Offer

I am nothing.

As I sat down to write this week’s encouragement post, I was left blank.

Not that I haven’t been thinking over this topic & mentally preparing to write it–I have–but as I sit to write, the words escaped me & I was left with a glaringly blank screen in front of me. All day.

I am reminded again & again that when I try to do things on my own, or simply to keep a schedule, words & actions come out flat & meaningless–like my prior edits to this post.

God Works Despite Our Failings

You see, God tells us some amazing things in the Bible. He is faithful. He is Good. He loves us all EQUALLY–even when we spit in His face, whether in ignorance or indignation.

But God is faithful. He showers blessings of hope & joy & love, whether we deserve it or not (Hint: We never really deserve it.)

And so here I am, once again being reminded of this astounding Truth–we need Him.

A Journey of Bitterness

Let me take you on a journey over my last year or so….

Rewind back to my arrival on Guam, six years ago. High hopes. Tropical island dreams floating in heart-shaped bubbles above my head. All full of confidence & a readiness to take on this new adventure on an island paradise. I was ready to jump in and be a light of hope & encouragement to everyone around me.

But then it happened… Discouragement hit me like a slap in the face.

I didn’t see it coming. But reality was cruel. Jamie, my husband, worked almost constantly & was away from home. I had little means of communicating with family or friends back home–plus an opposite time zone to work around. And most hopeful friends were so bogged down by work & other responsibilities, they hardly had time to breathe, let alone have the endless time to hang out like I did. That’s when I realized I was mostly alone.

Now, let’s stop here to consider a fact that I failed to capture in those moments–God can redeem alone time & spring wonderful things out of it. He can inspire growth & a chance to see Him work in our weaknesses, making His works stand out gloriously bright in our lives, in contrast… when we submit those hard moments to Him.

But for the most part, I didn’t.

I mostly only prayed for the loneliness to end. For comfort. For friends. I wanted my rosy view to return.

He didn’t answer the way I wanted Him to, so I took it as silence–when I should have stopped to ask Him how He would like that time to be used.

Bitterness took root.

And On Goes the Journey

Fast-forward to Chitose, Japan–three years ago. A hopeful beginning. A second chance to start anew. A chance to escape the loneliness. A chance for adventure in a foreign land.

I had dreams of clustering together with many other Americans to support each other in a foreign land. I had hopes of having English-speaking friends with whom we could learn the lay of the land together, ready to make new friends & form tight bonds.

Reality hit when I realized English was actually rarely spoken & other foreigners were few & far between. Add to that the fact that unless someone has lived far from other English speakers for several years, they simply don’t know the inevitable stress that you might manage every day, as your mind constantly tries to make sense of the foreignness around you everywhere you go–so even talking with friends can seem strained. I was alone again.

Again, I could have asked God to teach me how to handle it & still have had grand adventures, albeit alone, during those three years… But I wanted comfort. I wanted friends. I wanted my rosy view to return.

I mainly just wanted to feel some comfort & a sense of HOME somewhere.

Bitterness dug her claws deeper.

But Wait…

Fast-forward to close to a year ago. I was hit by the reality that bitterness & loneliness & stress from foreign living seemed to completely rule my life. I had become jaded & cynical in many ways--much darker than I was in the past.

I had pushed God out of that area of my life & as a result, that area was left cold & dark & empty.

I was growing numb to the concerns of others, too bogged down by my own pain & misery festering underneath the surface–even if I didn’t always consciously acknowledge that being the cause.

The waters were rising up, threatening to drown me out. I was losing hope that things could ever improve.

My stark callousness woke me up to my condition & I started praying a little differently. I started asking God to WAKE ME UP. I wanted Him to show me again His grace & love & to show me how much I really needed Him.

He Is LIFE

I knew from my past that where I was following Him, there was LIFE. I wanted that again.

But I had grown so cold that my heart had built a sort of stone wall to protect itself. I wanted it to come down. I wanted to let Jesus’ love & hope & peace & strength to come pouring over my cold heart so I could LIVE again. Really live.

I felt a small whisper on my heart when I started asking God to change me & wake me up… “I will. But it will take time.”

I knew it was the only way. He had to show me that it wasn’t magic that snapped me out, but rather a loving Father willing to take the time to teach me & guide me to Truth in a way that will stick in my mind & transform my heart.

A lasting change.

In the Now

Fast-forward to now, & there really isn’t ANY guarantee that things WILL ever improve.

That’s just life.

We live in a broken world, you & I. There WILL be pain & discomfort at times.

But that doesn’t mean God cannot work through it, Lovely.

The Secret to Life

And there you have it… That’s the secret to life–We can’t do it on our own–we were never meant to.

God offers Himself to us. Completely. With all His resources.

He offers grace & redemption & a CLEAN SLATE to anyone who asks Him whole-heartedly, too!! (*Read how on my Hope is Found page, here).

Why should we ever WANT to do it on our own?

Created FOR HIM

We are nothing. We are flesh & bones–tempted & weak & insufficient.

But He is everything. He is ALMIGHTY–All-Wise, All-Powerful, & All-Sufficient.

And He is faithful. He tells us that He rains on the just AND the unjust. That means, even when we KNOW with all certainty that we don’t deserve it, He still blesses us with GOOD things.

So the secret is out. We were created BY Him & we were created FOR Him. We are the created. He is the Creator. We are the clay. He is the Potter.

We were created to praise & honor & glorify our Creator., by loving Him & loving others. We were created to love & serve Him & others. We are offered all of His wisdom & strength & resources to accomplish what He sets before us.

We are nothing, but He is everything.

Not Easy, But Worth It

God didn’t give me an easy outflow for this post, by the way. I finished it merely an hour before it was to go live.

He allowed me to feel the discomfort of my insufficiency, but He did answer & He did provide. He is Good. And even if He hadn’t? He would have a reason for it & He would work through it for the best. It’s funny how amazing He is at that.

Shine HOPE, Lovely. HIS hope. Let everything flow out of this Truth. That we are His… Created by Him… Created for HIS glory & honor & praise.

Coming Up Next!

Make sure to check back in this coming Thursday to see this month’s special feature post (every last Thursday of the month), PART 2/2 of my short story, “Falling”! I can’t wait to share it with you!

A Note from Michelle:

If you want to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” & “Hope is Found” pages, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Sea Glass Necklace

Representing Women Artisans in the Jordan & Cambodia!

The sea glass used by the artisans to create this piece was once collected from the shores of the Red Sea, but because of their recycling efforts, the beaches have become so clean that they now gather & upcycle bottles from locals hotels & restaurants before they are discarded. How beautiful! The glass is then tumbled in water from the Red Sea to create a similar look.

Artisan Information:

Many Jordanian women have their lives controlled by their closest male relative. They balance many customs at home, creating a lack of independence. Some of these women are divorced, widowed, or married to a man who may already have many wives. But amid struggles, these women we work with arrive to a family-like workplace. They can be heard singing, laughing, and drinking tea while creating our unique jewelry made from upcycled glass bottles. Your purchase empowers them with boldness and financial independence for the first time!

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in Jordan!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE, Lovely!