A Quick Recap

Today, we come to yet another pivotal moment in my life…

So far, I have shared with you:

• Simplicity of grace in how I came to know Jesus
• My long-time battle of doubts & my eventual decision to not only pray, but to try to find happiness on my own terms
• My experience through depression & how God used that dark time in my life to solidify a foundation of TRUTH to rest in.

And now, I wish to share with you a multi-week story of what happened after I discovered that solid, reliable truth.

I Think I Know Best… But I Don’t

After God showed up in a big way, through my depression, & after He woke me up to the fact that HE was the source of truth I had been searching for for so long, was I always faithful to God? No.

I often gave (give) into human nature & I relied on what I personally thought was best, before even stopping to consider that God would know better & that I could always ask Him for wisdom. (I still struggle with this!)

It’s the human nature way of doing things when we just go through life either “winging” it or thinking we’ve got the answer & we’re ready to go… or flailing through life, wondering what in the world to do.

We (or at least I) tend to think, “I’ve got this!” or, “I SHOULD be able to do this!”

God Is Willing, But Will I Ask?

But God is right there with us, offering His wisdom, guidance, comfort, & help… so why is it so hard to ask Him versus auto-pilot mode?

This will be a forever-growing type of learning because it goes against our desire to feel in control & self-sufficient.

But, I digress….

As I currently struggle with this, I struggled with it then, too.

Turning to Music Instead of God

And a big area of struggle for me was turning to music instead of Someone who could actually help me-God.

I don’t mean that I was listening to crude, explicit music… nor that anything other than “Christian” music is even bad.

But what I mean is this—when life got hard & teen angst was winning over in my flurry of teenage hormones & emotions, my first instinct was definitely not prayer.

Validate Me!

I wanted to feel validated for what I wanted to feel about what I was feeling.

(Ain’t it fun to be a teenager? Haha. But really, I still do this.)

Oh, sometimes I thought about praying, though… but then I felt this sort of rebellion flare up inside of me, like, “No, I’m fine! I just want to listen to these sad love songs or sad ‘how dare they hurt me’ music & then I’ll be better!”

I was turning to music as my source of peace, only finding myself brooding or feeling worse because of how unfair the world felt.

The Music Always Had My Back…

I felt justified in my anger or hurt or bad attitude toward someone or some circumstance & the music was always there to back me up with lyrics like, “how dare they…” or “they’ll think twice before they…” or “I’m so sad & it’s all their fault….”

Angst galore.

And I didn’t pray for clarity or God’s peace or wisdom on how to handle it.

I just wallowed & sang along to the sad, sad tune.

But I Have a RIGHT to be Upset!

I think I liked the feeling of being justified in how upset or hurt I felt, without realizing that dwelling on those thoughts so deeply only left me feeling more hurt.

I enjoyed the drama, but I hated the hurt.

Next Time, Though…

And every time that I noticed this being the trend of results I was getting, I thought to myself, “why didn’t I just pray & ask God to comfort me & give me peace & strength & wisdom? It ALWAYS helps! You know what? No more turning to those sad songs to justify my hurt. NEXT TIME, I am definitely going to pray instead because all that hurt sucks!”

But next time…? Yep, you guessed it… I didn’t pray.

I wallowed & slunk dejectedly toward my music player, popped on my headphones, slid under the covers, & brooded the night away in tears.

It was a pathetic, sad cycle that always left me worse off.

Friendships That Encourage Us to Lean into God

But then, I had a certain friend. I’ll call her R. She encouraged me to seek God more.

We used to go in book stores, sit cross-legged on the floor, in the Christian books section, grab random books off the shelf & talk about life in our little tucked away corner.

I’m not sure how it started, but we decided to read through “Authentic Beauty”, by Leslie Ludy. (If you click the title, it will take you to view it on Amazon.com.)

My friend & I would talk about this book sometimes over the phone or on our get-togethers on the floor of the bookstore.

That book changed my world!

Hidden Gaps & Traps

The author, Leslie, talked about how we all cling to the things that we think will make us happy, but find ourselves trapped by them (um, me!) & how there are so many things that are either subconscious beliefs or tucked away secrets that keep us from going “all in” with our faith in God.

Those hidden or noticeable things entice us to hold back parts of ourselves from God, as if He doesn’t already know & see them.

Learning to Purge

In the book, Leslie also talks about doing a purge of both physical items & mental strongholds that we cling to, whether it be memories, shame, fears, doubts, etc.

Old love letters you keep tucked away for a day you feel low? Gone. (It only reminds you of what you don’t have & ends up hurting even worse.)

Pictures, mementos, or other things from old relationships that you hold on to as a sort of contingency plan when you don’t like yourself? Trash. (Clinging to anything but God is never going to satisfy us… It just makes the gaping holes more obvious!)

And my music collection. All of it. Everything. Out. (No more clinging to something that only hurt me worse. No more clinging to false anchors that leave me washed up on shore, in despair.)

Mrs. Ludy also included an online prompt guide that you could print out, to help you address thoughts that are clouding your heart & mind & keeping you trapped in the past. (I believe it is still available… check out her website on my website Resources & Recommendations tab!)

Let’s Get It Started!

Well, my friend R & I decided it was time to get together at a park, start a fire in the fire pit & take time to apologize to God for trusting these things over Him & then asking Him to help us cling to Him through life instead. It was time to purge.

And so, we took turns burning things we had held so tightly to that were just keeping us back in the empty hole of pain.

Be Gone!

I destroyed several hundred dollars’ worth of CDs.

Gone to ash.

“Why?!” you might ask… “Why didn’t you just give them away or sell them or throw them in the trash?!! That is so much wasted money!!!”

Yes, all of those thoughts screamed in my head as well.

But I didn’t want to cling to something that kept causing me more pain. I wanted out from under its hold on me. I wanted to trust God to be sufficient in His comfort, strength, & wisdom, versus a sad song to affirm my pain in the moment, but also offer no help or solution.

And if I gave it away, I would probably beg for it back… If I sold them, I felt like I was doing it for profit… & if I threw it away, I would cave & go get them out.

And I knew that the money used to buy those CDs was made possible by God’s blessing & that I would rather have Him than a CD collection.

It Was My Shackles

Call me fanatical if you’d like, but I will tell you right now that my heart KNEW I was imprisoned by that collection. I felt like I NEEDED it to survive any hurt I faced.

It was a lie. And I clung to it with white knuckles.

It wasn’t the CD collection that was wrong… It was the control it had over me.

I didn’t burn everything non-Christian related that I owned. I specifically burned that CD collection because I recognized how much power it had over me & I was no longer satisfied letting that remain the case.

God Knew What I Needed Was Really HIM

I will tell you right now that God helping me recognize that clinging to my CD collection for hope & validation was the source of so much of my heartache… & then having the faith & courage to demolish that source of control over me so I could trust the loving source of God in my life… It was the most freeing thing I have done.

I felt free. SO FREE.

Like, “Bye, Felicia! Buh-BYE! See ya never!”

It felt great!

Finding the Balance, Removing the Control

And do I have non-Christian CDs now? Yes. (I, for one, love Disney music, so… no judgement please, haha.)

But I didn’t have any new CDs (other than worship/praise to God music) for several years after that, until it no longer was my go-to.

Not the Music… The Control

Did I judge anyone else for having other music? NO! Because I knew it wasn’t the music that was bad (singing about love or happy blessings in our life is not sinful), it was the control the music had OVER me.

And I made sure that every time I hurt after that, when I felt that rebellion flare up that “I don’t need God! I’m fine!” I would then stop… breathe… close my eyes… & ask God to help me change my heart & my snooty, rebellious, temper tantrum attitude.

Then I asked Him to give me real peace & hope & comfort through Him, in my hurt, in its place.

It was 100% more effective.

Every time.

Reflect & See What Is Controlling You… & Give It Over to God & Find Freedom through Trusting God Instead!

So, what’s the moral of the story, you ask? Don’t buy music? Burn everything you own? No.

The point is to take time for reflection & ask God what is holding you back from trusting Him more.

Ask Him to show you what you’re hiding & for Him to be the gentle guide to help you eradicate it from your heart so it doesn’t keep controlling you.

Ask Him to give you courage to trust Him through the process.

Maybe go to Leslie Ludy’s site & go through the prompt guide yourself.

And ask God to comfort you through the healing.

He is walking alongside you, waiting for you to ask.

It’s not all up to you to fix everything broken or to heal everything hurting.

He is able. He is willing.

Ask Him for help. It’s so, SO worth it, Beautiful One!

Coming Next Week

This Week is time for our monthly Special Feature post! So check back on Thursday to see what it is!

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Inverted Capiz Earrings

These earrings feature shimmery, creamy white capiz shells, each framed by a black edge.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchases, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Pivot Moments

These last couple weeks, I have begun taking you on a journey of major “Pivot” moments in my life.

In these moments of life change, God has shown Himself true & reliable & capable. He has been the love & grace & patience & power that has gotten me through & He is patiently guiding me to be the woman He made me to be.

Doubts to Darkness

This week, we are following through with the results of last week’s Pivot moment & the answers that finally squashed all of the doubts rattling my heart.

((To catch up from last week & read the story of my seemingly endless doubts, check out that post, here.))

So, after a year or two of doubting everything I once believed in about the simplicity of grace… depression hit me hard.

We’re about to dive headfirst into my darkest days, so hold on!

Shutting God Out & Choosing Me

You see, I had just spent about two years slowly training myself to shut out God’s voice of wisdom & warning from guiding me. I wanted to do it my way.

And now, I was in a raging, stormy sea without a life preserver, just struggling to survive on my own.

Depression became two long years of pain like I had never known before.

How It Began

I was a freshman, & then sophomore, in high school at this point, & my life was a mess of uncertainty & shame & fear & anger & hatred & loneliness & everything bad.

The cynical voice in my head had turned menacing & hurtful… telling me LIES that I believed, “Nobody likes you, you know. You’re not good enough for anybody. You’re an idiot. You’re fat & ugly. No one wants you. Their lives are harder because you’re alive. You complicate everything. Their lives are more peaceful & happier when you’re not here. Why are you here? No one wants you. You’re annoying. You’re too loud. You talk too much. Look at the mistakes you’ve made… you can’t undo them. You are a broken person who can’t be put together again. It would be better if you didn’t exist. You just make life harder for everyone. You would be doing everyone a service to not be here anymore. You can’t ever get anything right. Your family doesn’t want you. Your friends think you’re a joke. God doesn’t care about you either, if He even exists. You’re all alone. Why are you still here?”

Those lies were my every moment. I couldn’t shut them up or drown them out.

Trying to “Fake It Til I Make It”

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shut off those voices in my head telling me life would be better without me in it.

I got so tired of asking for advice from others… because it never helped.

I started plastering on a smile that never quite reached my eyes & pretending that I was fine & I could handle it.

But I couldn’t.

Fading Away in the Silence

I was chipping away… My resolve weakening every time I cried.

I would be sitting in class, listening to that endless reel of hateful dialogue in my head & my eyes would burn with hidden tears.

I would write my hurt & fears in journals, needing to tell SOMEONE, only to end up sobbing at the fact that that “someone” was paper because I didn’t feel like I had anyone who understood the hell inside my head.

Sometimes I thought about suicide.

No One Understood, Not Even Me

I would try to tell someone, only to be mocked or teased or brushed off.

I would plaster a smile on my face that never quite reached my eyes.

I felt numb & hated & unloved. I felt angry & hurt & alone. I felt LOST in my sea of doubts, unable to find steady ground to hold on to.

My Secret Tears

I would come home from school so many days, grab my kitty “Valentine”, & slowly, quietly close & lock my bedroom door trying not to draw attention to myself, duck into my closet, underneath my row of clothes hanging above me, close the closet doors to block out the sunlight (& the sound of my sobs), & then wail into a pillow I had brought in with me, hugging my cat tightly under the other arm.

I spent several days a week like this for two years & I don’t know if anyone ever even knew.

My Life Began to Fall Apart

I hated my life & everything in it because I felt so alone & so unloved & so worthless.

The menacing whisper never let up either. It followed me everywhere I went, never letting my heart rest.

I felt constantly beat up by a relentless wave of self-hatred.

My grades began plummeting. Relationships became strained.

I was losing faith in myself & others seemed to follow suit.

Pray, Girl, Pray! … But I Did!

At this point, you might be thinking, “Michelle! Your advice is always ‘pray first!’ so why didn’t you do that???”

I prayed so much it hurt.

I felt that God had abandoned me… that my choices to slowly, gradually do things my own way had offended Him beyond repair.

I was a Christian who “knew” better & yet had still turned her back on God.

Why would He want me? … If He even existed (I wasn’t sure of anything anymore).

But I kept praying.

Is He Listening? Does He Care?

I wondered how God could love me & let me suffer.

I wondered if He had just created us & left us down here to suffer while He laughed & pointed out our failures.

I wondered if He was even real.

But I kept praying because I knew that if He was real, He’d be my only hope.

I Prayed… & I Hurt

If He was real, the way He describes Himself throughout the Bible, then He alone was powerful enough to clear my doubts & prove Himself as the one true God.

If He was real, He had the power to fix everything.

And yet, I kept hurting.

I kept hurting worse, with every day, or so it seemed to my breaking heart.

I felt alone.

Rays of Hope Broke Through

And there would come times where I thought I saw Him through the dark clouds that overtook me.

A ray of sunshine (of hope) would break through my heart.

I would think, “Hey, that seems to be God helping me… right when I asked Him for help, _______________ happened! Maybe God DOES care about us… about me!!!”

But the Doubts Always Seemed to Win

But then, another wave of darkness… I would brush off that ray of hope like a glitch… or maybe I had just felt stronger that day & had just thought it was God or maybe it’s because someone helped me other than God… or basically maybe it was anything but God.

So, I would keep praying. But I would keep trying to find hope my own way.

And things like that ray of hope would keep happening when I chose to pray.

And still I found a way to credit something else as the source… Something other than God.

I kept praying.

The Lost Man At Sea

Have you ever heard the story/joke about the man drowning, begging God to save Him?

Well, first someone throws him a life preserver, but he says, “No thank you! I am waiting for God to save me!”

Then a boat comes along & offers to rescue him as he screams to God for help… “No thank you!” he responds, “I am waiting for God to save me!”

Then a rescue helicopter comes & offers him a ladder to climb out of the choppy seas. “No thank you! I am waiting for God to save me!”

Well, eventually the man exhausts himself from treading water & crying out to God & the waves overtake him & he drowns at sea.

When he gets to heaven, he says, “God, why didn’t you save me?? I kept crying out to You!! Didn’t You hear me?? Didn’t You care?!?”

God patiently, gently rests His hand on the man’s shoulder & responds, “My son, I did hear you. I did listen. I sent you a life preserver, a boat, & finally a helicopter… But you didn’t accept any of it.”

That’s Where I Was… That’s What I Did

That was me during depression. I cried out to God. He responded. I accredited it to someone or something else & kept crying out to God to save me.

I would fall back into the darkness only to go back to relying on myself.

I doubted God too much to stay holding on to Him as my source for help because I didn’t know He was the One helping.

Thoughts of Suicide Became Plans for Suicide… But Then, GOD

And eventually, after years of asking (begging, through bleary eyes) for God to answer & clear up my doubts & to give me a true sense of hope & peace & security… I began to give up hope completely.

My temptation for suicide became more than just considerations… it became something that felt like my only hope.

No one wanted me (according to the lies in my head) & I wasn’t good for anything other than being a burden to everyone around me (again, the lies were ruthless & relentless).

No matter what I had tried to be strong enough, to smile through it, to think more positively, to ignore it, to find my own “happy”, to fight back, to be good enough… nothing EVER worked long term. They all crumbled eventually & they left me with nothing left to fight with.

I was done.

One Night… I Gave Up

And one night, through my desperate sobs, bringing me to my knees in my bedroom… Eventually weighing me down so much that I lay flat, face burrowed in the carpet…

I gave up fighting.

I was ready to die.

I was ready for the pain to stop because I couldn’t carry it anymore.

I didn’t feel I had any choice. I felt it was the merciful choice for a family & for friendships where I only caused them more drama, more burden, more pain.

I was ready to stop fighting. I had nothing left in me to try or to give.

I was tired & angry & hurt & felt unloved & invisible & mocked & ugly & fat & worthless & stupid & never good enough & weak & a burden. And I was so, so, SO tired.

One Night… I Stopped Trying to be “Strong Enough”

And as I lay there, face planted into the carpet, arms limp at my sides… legs lifeless… heart bleeding. No strength left to cry. Just numb & empty.

With barely a whisper worth of strength & hope left.

I prayed.

“God, don’t You hear me? Don’t I matter at all to You? Do You even exist? Are You laughing at me? Why won’t You help me? Why did You even make someone as worthless as me? [Sobs] I can’t do it anymore. I can’t fight. I have nothing left. If You are real, You are my ONLY option now nothing else works. My parents think I am drugged out. My sisters can’t seem to stand me… Many of my friends laugh at me like I’m a joke… My teachers don’t even bother anymore… I have nothing left. No one left. I can’t do it anymore, God. I’m not strong enough. If You really are God, You are my only hope. You are all that’s left. Please. Show me You are real, that You are near me & that You care for me. And if You can’t do that, kill me because I give up trying to be strong enough. Be my everything or let me die.”

One Night… God Changed EVERYTHING

And as my prayer faded… it happened.

Every ounce of hatred, of pain, loneliness, fear, doubt, anger, sadness, despair, sorrow, & everything that had pressed me down & down until I couldn’t stand anymore… EVERYTHING vanished in a single instant.

I felt a full breath of hope fill my lungs.

I felt goosebumps dance across every inch of skin.

I felt hope & love & joy & peace flood me like a rushing surge of water, racing to fill every broken place within me.

I felt FREE….

A smile danced at the corner of my mouth, erasing the bitterness & hopelessness.

I sat up, stunned.

I felt as if strong, warm arms wrapped around my entire self, squeezing the loneliness & fear into a safe embrace full of love.

And every doubt was shot dead in that one moment.

God Had a Plan That I Didn’t See… He Always Has a Plan

God wasn’t letting me suffer for the fun of it…. No!

He KNEW that unless He peeled away everything else that I clung to as my source of hope, I would just keep clinging to everything else but Him… Everything but real hope.

He knew those things weren’t my answer & that the lies I believed kept me imprisoned into believing I was left to rely on unsustainable, unstable sources… like myself… ones that crumbled & faded & ebbed & flowed.

He wanted me to know solid, secure ground. He wanted me to know what true, eternal hope felt like, apart from anything temporal & fleeting that I tried to cling to.

He knew that the ONLY way to show Himself as the One true source of Hope & Truth that would get my attention & STICK was to take everything else away where there was only Him left.

Truth Is Truth, & It SHALL Set You FREE!

I had asked, not for a temporary fix, but for TRUTH I could rest in & rely on & He did what He knew it would take to show me that it was found only in Him.

You see, if you are really seeking truth… not “truth” that you WANT to believe, but ACTUAL, REAL TRUTH… God is capable of knowing exactly how you will know 100% what that truth is. He can make it crystal clear (with no smudges of doubt!)

If you just want a “truth” that satiates you into living how you want, you will always be on the waves of the sea like I was… trying helplessly to cling to whatever you think might help, only to see it insufficient & far from lasting.

But if you want SURE faith that you can go ALL IN & not come out a fool.

If you want something you can securely build your life upon…

It’s in Him. It’s found ONLY Him.

So ask Him.

Not a SINGLE Regret… Only Praise! And Freedom!

If you think I regret for a SINGLE moment those several years of doubts & then depression & then eventual suicidal thoughts plaguing my life… you are DEAD WRONG.

I feel SO BLESSED & SO PRIVELEGED to KNOW 100% what I can count on.

Do I still make mistakes? Heck yes! Do I still have doubts pop up? Heck yes!

Is God patient to guide me & do I now finally have a source I can go to with FULL CONFIDENCE to answer those doubts with patience, love, grace, & TRUTH?

YES!!! A million times yes!

I Want You to Have Peace & Rest in REAL Truth… The Simple Grace Offered by Jesus

And I want that for you. It’s why I do this blog. It’s why I write when it’s not my strongest talent.

I want you to find that secure ground… That peace… That surety… That LOVE… & GRACE! I want you to know TRUTH!

 So come to Him with your doubts & don’t stop asking! He HEARS you!

Shine Hope, by trusting in the sure foundation of real, lasting, reliable TRUTH.

Coming Next Week

Join me next Monday morning EST to follow along with my journey of Pivot moments. I can’t wait to see you there!

And make sure to Subscribe (Join My Tribe), so you don’t miss it!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Quinn Necklace

This innovative statement piece is accented with white & silver beads & has a detachable bottom pendant (shown detached), creating two unique looks.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely! deused1 \lsd

The Raging Sea of Doubts about God Began

If you missed last week’s post, it was all about the first & greatest “Pivot” moment in my life, the day I met Jesus. (Check it out, here.)

It was simple & pure, trusting like a child (because I was a child).

But something big changed when I was first introduced to the Left Behind movie series, starring Kirk Cameron.

Doubts entered the picture.

… Fear that maybe I got it all wrong & that I was maybe actually going to Hell… going to be “left behind,” only to live in the shame that my faith was fake the whole time… or just not strong enough.

I wanted to know for sure.

Other “Options” Now in the Picture

But then, being now in public middle school, I was hearing all sorts of opinions on what others thought was truth, based on a plethora of other “religious choices” that other kids at my school were adamantly claiming as truth. (I love the word plethora, don’t you? Haha)

So, combine my fear that my faith might not be “real enough” with the fact that I now questioned if my religion was even real…. I was then tossed into a sea of raging doubts. A sea that seemed to go on without end.

I didn’t know which way was up or down or left or right anymore. What once seemed so simple & so pure was now tainted with doubts & full of fear.

And rebellion.

Part of Me Wanted It All to be Fake–So I Could Live MY Way

I can’t deny that nasty word from making its appearance in this whole scenario.

I knew, deep down, that something in me WANTED it to be fake. I wanted it to all be a sham so that I could do whatever I wanted like everyone else seemed so comfortable doing. I didn’t want consequences, just freedom, my way. I mostly just didn’t want to have to follow rules (mostly because I misunderstood the “rules” in the first place, thinking they were meant to suck fun out of my life versus the way to live the most fulfilling & satisfying life imaginable!)

But I couldn’t do that IF it might be real.

Because… consequences.

God Has a Reason

You see, I always thought of God as a sort of dictator & that Christianity was all about following His rules, or else.

Now, don’t hear me wrong, we DEFINITELY should live by His rules & His alone, not ours… But it’s for our good, not just “because He says so.”

The Doubts Led to Determination for TRUTH

So, here I was, afraid that my faith was not real enough, afraid that my religion might not even be real, & afraid that I would be trying to follow rules I didn’t want to follow just to appease some possibly made up God.

I had to know the truth. If everyone thought their “god” was real, which one was right? They couldn’t all be right because that made them all sound made up. So, which one was it?

Did I believe just because I grew up that way? Was I indoctrinated into Christianity because I was told to believe it? Was my salvation even real? Maybe I wasn’t good enough to prove my sincerity of faith…. Was God even real? What was real? What was truth? Can we even know?

Those were just the tip of the iceberg for me. I had questions that went on for days.

And with those questions came the tossing to & fro unrest that became my life.

Tossing To & Fro

Gone was my sure foundation, my steady ground built on faith in God.

My life was a mix of fear, anxiety, & rebellious hopes to have my way.

I will tell you that those were some of the worst times in my life, knowing that unrest & lack of peace… & the fear undercurrent that flowed through it all.

Puberty is hard enough without all of THAT going on inside my head!

But despite how many questions I asked, the answers were never enough.

The Cynical Questions

I felt a cynical whisper repeatedly, following every answer I received from others, saying, “But what do they know? What makes them the expert? All the other religions think they’re correct, too, so saying so doesn’t make it true. Humans make mistakes, so which one has it right? What if they’re all wrong? What if there is no God? No hope. No truth. No Heaven or Hell. No consequences?”

I never knew what to trust. I never knew WHO to trust.

Not that someone would knowingly LIE to me, but that maybe they were wrong.

I felt lost.

Deciding My OWN Path

Because I searched for close to two years without feeling satisfied that I could accept anything as pure truth versus opinions, I did the only thing I knew to do at that point, I started deciding for myself what I wanted to believe.

Of course, I wouldn’t do anything that seemed blatantly wrong or something I was warned against as a kid, JUST IN CASE there were consequences.

But instead of living to make some potentially made up God happy, I started living to make ME happy.

That’s when my sea of doubts began to take a sinister turn for the worst.

Lying to Myself

The guilt that I shoved down… The shame that I justified & placated… The excuses I made to keep living for myself….

It was a game of trying to stay above consequences while still getting whatever I wanted out of life.

This pivot of doubts was a painful, complicated one. It wasn’t as simple & pure as my first pivot. It felt like always flailing to keep my head above water.

Truth or Bust

I was no longer satisfied complacently wearing my badge of Christianity, going to church & praying before mealtimes… I wanted truth.

I wanted to know for sure whether or not what I believed was true or whether it was a myth developed long before I was born.

And I knew, that if anyone could answer these questions for me, it was God Himself.

The cynical voice was right, humans DID make mistakes, made even more evident by the endless slew of “religions” to choose from, because not all religions could be right (as some conflicted with others), so that meant some of them were wrong, if not all of them.

Not only that, but the Bible claimed that it’s God was the ONE TRUE God, Creator of Heaven & Earth, Lord over ALL. So, if that were true, there goes the rest of the “gods” out there.

Being the ONE TRUE God was a bold claim & a claim I wasn’t sure I could put my undivided faith toward. But either way, I wanted to know the truth for myself.

Maybe I Can Just Ignore It…

Oh, I TRIED to just smile & shoo away (more like shove away) all of my doubts, attending church & keeping my nagging doubts to myself (too ashamed to admit I questioned it all, afraid of upsetting God or my family or anyone really!) but those doubts were significantly stronger & more persistent than I was.

No longer could I stay content trusting in others’ opinions of truth. I was beginning a journey to find ACTUAL truth that I could rest in & hope in… a hope that wouldn’t fall out from under me.

Asking God, But Then Looking Elsewhere

I knew that God was the only One who could really prove Himself true, because if He were as He said He was, in the Bible, He could do ANYTHING.

But, like many people do, I didn’t stop at that… Oh, no, no. I had a backup plan that included me taking action to find that truth my own way….

… By relying on myself to find what made me happy, versus leaning into God for lasting joy.

Instead of leaning into God, I leaned mostly into myself & whatever I felt was true for me which, by definition, meant I was no different than anyone else I dismissed.

Questions Answered by God, Who Knows All & Knows Your Heart & Knows Just How to Reach to the Core of Your Doubts–If You Let Him

That led me down a much worse path—depression. Or, as I am calling it in this series, “Pivot #3”, coming next week.

The point I want to make with this week’s post is this:

We all have questions, because we will never fully understand God or His design for this world or for our lives… but don’t run AWAY from God with those questions.

Take your questions to Him. He can handle it. He has patience like you wouldn’t believe & wisdom that transcends time & human limitations.

God Is the Backup Plan to the Original Plan–He Is Where Truth Awaits

My life provides you with an example of what NOT to do.

Don’t take your questions, ask God for help in answering them, & THEN ALSO try to find happiness your own way. It doesn’t end up well. You can convince yourself you’re fine all you want, but something in your spirit screams that there’s meant to be more than just surviving. Listen to that. It’s right.

God wants you to come home to Him, to rest in Him, to feel SURE… He wants you to feel secure & at peace with the foundation of steady, reliable truth. He wants you to know His love & grace & to feel those flowing through every situation in life.

Trust Him with your questions. He CAN & WILL answer them.

Answers Came in the Darkness

Next week, you will see how He answered my questions countless times, but I dismissed them countless more, until He got my attention in a way that I can never dismiss again.

He knew (knows) ME & how to get through to ME in a way that is intimately designed to make it clear in a way I need it to be.

He can do the same for you—If you are truly seeking truth & not just a way to placate your desire for a consequence-free lifestyle of rebellion to everything God stands for He will reveal truth.

Seek Him—He can handle it.

Coming Next Week

Join me next Monday morning, EST, for Pivot #3, the story of my dark journey through depression, & the truth that broke through the raging sea.

Make sure to Join My Tribe (Subscribe), so you don’t miss it!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Worthy Necklace

Beautifully delicate in design, this rose gold plated chain displays a light pink rose quartz stone. Crafted in India.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

(Also pictured: Steadfast Cuff, made in India!)

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Pivotal, Life-Changing Moments

Everybody has those moments… You know, the ones that seem to happen unexpectedly, when something about you or your life changes drastically, changing you forever in the process.

They seem to take your life, yell, “Pivot!!” (as only Ross from the show Friends can), & then make it change course from there on out.

I have had maybe ten or so of these life-changing moments that seem like they happened only yesterday because their memories are so vivid.

The First Pivot

So, let’s start with the simplest & earliest one of mine & take a journey through these pivotal moments in my life… a sort of autobiography if you will, except, instead of highlighting my life, we are showing a highlight reel of God’s work in my life.

The first one was the day that I met Jesus.

My Childhood At Church

I was fortunate to grow up in a Christian home. I knew it was important to pray & read my Bible & learn about God. I grew up going to Sunday School before the service & memorizing Bible verses in exchange for pieces of chocolate.

I wasn’t sure what it all meant or the difference between telling stories & which of the stories were actually true retellings in Scripture, because it just seemed like story-time to me at that young age… but something about it just felt right.

The Doubts Came Later…

As a child, I had a pure, simplistic faith in God. I didn’t have doubts to question it, I just accepted it as is, & knew deep-down that something about it just felt true.

Now, as I would grow older, the doubts would arise, seemingly unshakable, causing me to question everything I once believed with ease, unwilling to believe something merely because I was taught to believe it.

But, spoil alert, those doubts that seemed to haunt my every step, unwilling to waver or vanish, were demolished once and for all & my relationship with the grace of Jesus became personal & unshakable… but that’s a Pivot moment for another blog post.

Childlike Faith

As a child, though, my faith was sure. It was pure & trusting. Something in me just connected with it & accepted it without hesitation.

Like a child reaching up & taking the hand of an adult, I trusted that God was real.

I didn’t understand all the ins & outs. I didn’t know much about God. But something in me FELT Him there with me, holding my hand through life… & that was enough for me then.

The Simple, Life-Changing Gospel of God’s Grace

I still remember that day like it was yesterday (except I was much shorter & cuter back then), when I went & asked my parents how I could “ask Jesus into my heart”—the terminology that was used with us as kids.

In essence, all it meant was accepting that God was in charge & I was not… That me choosing to do things my way instead of His was wrong, foolish, & sinful… That I could never bridge the gap between my imperfections & sin to His perfection & grace because I was soiled by sin… But that Jesus came to pay my debt on the cross… That He overcame death & sin by rising from the grave… & that my trust in His salvation for me could cleanse me in the presence of God Almighty.

Accepting the gift of Jesus’ sacrifice on my behalf made me right with God. Not my works, but His.

My Understanding as a Child

And as a little child, around five or six, maybe, that made sense to me.

I knew I had acted selfishly sometimes by wanting toys for myself. I knew I talked back to my parents sometimes. I knew that I had messed up & that I didn’t deserve God.

But I also knew that Jesus had changed that for me… & I wanted to lean into that hope.

The Big Moment… The Pivot

And one night, on the couch in our living room of the house I grew up in… that prayer, led by my Mom, of asking forgiveness for my wrongs & helping me to follow Jesus instead of my way… & to trust Jesus’ gift of grace… is how I became a Christian.

It’s really as simple as that.

It’s not anything we can earn or purchase. It’s literally a free gift to anyone who can accept their need of it. It’s not fancy, specific scripts or recitations.

It’s just a simple, honest prayer, asking for God’s grace to cover your sins & trusting Him over yourself.

God’s Work in Me

No fireworks shot off… there was no fanfare… but it was Pivotal like nothing else.

God’s grace, through Jesus, is not something we have to “clean up for” first. It’s not something we have to prove we deserve. It’s not ever something we have to or can be “good enough” for.

It is simply an invitation to take us as we are, shameful history & all, & to change us from the inside out AS we lean into God for His work in us, AFTER we accept our need for His grace to save us.

His work, not ours.

Anything I do from here on is simply my way of expressing my gratitude & TRUST in the ways of the One Who saved me!

That’s the simplicity of the Gospel.

Forever Changed… In a Moment & Continually

The day that I accepted Jesus as Lord of my life, I was forever changed.

It happens all at once & over time.

I am immediately changed because Jesus’ sacrifice saves me once & for all from the threat of my deserved punishment of eternity in Hell.

And I am changed over time as I learn to bow my human nature to His will. He grows me, He shapes me. He takes the broken parts & makes them beautiful. He takes my temptations & teaches me to lean into Him for strength. He takes my weaknesses & uses them to show Himself capable. He takes my broken heart, mends it, heals it, & He pours His love into the empty crevices of my soul.

The Greatest Adventure Imaginable

He is my everything.

Am I perfect? Heck NO!

But I am now relying on the perfect God in my imperfections.

It’s the grandest adventure I ever imagined.

Learning to Know & Love God More

I once, in my early teen years, through the doubt storm, thought that God was all about rules & dictatorship… But as I grow, I see God as the most patient, loving Father & Friend who walks alongside me, strengthens me, guides me, & grows me into the woman He created me to be.

He heals my heart breaks.

He guides me through the storms of life.

He gives me sure foundation & peace when life flips upside down.

He bolsters me with His strength when mine fails.

He gives me wisdom when I feel lost.

He loves me when I feel unlovable.

He never forsakes me.

He always is quick to forgive me, patient through all of my failures.

He is grace & love & freedom & joy & strength & HOPE.

My Inadequacy Is Eclipsed by His Grace

And all the while, I am reminded how much my actions & inactions prove how much I do not deserve His grace, & yet that is the whole definition of grace, wrapped up in the idea that it is completely undeserved.

I am humbled constantly.

I feel foolish & stupid more often than I would like to admit as I try to live out this life on my own, fail miserably, only to be met with His patient smile, outstretched arms, & His wisdom & strength to get it right the next go around.

Not Perfect, But Trusting in the One Who Is

Christianity doesn’t make me perfect… It makes me redeemed in the sight of the One Who IS perfect.

And so begins my journey of big “Pivot!” type moments.

It all started with a simple trust, a simple faith in the grace of God.

It all started with the simple prayer of a child with childlike faith.

And that is where our journey begins.

Reflection… And an Invitation

Have you taken His outstretched hand yourself or are you holding out?

If Satan has tricked you into a pool of endless doubts & shame & rebellious resistance, but maybe you feel that soft, gentle whisper on your soul to come home, then start by asking God to clear your heart & mind to see Him for Who He really is, & not what the world has painted Him to be.

Ask Him to clear out your doubts & to reveal only the Truth.

Ask Him to guide you home so that your adventure can begin, too.

God is asking you to “Pivot!!” but in a much sweeter way & for a much grander purpose & with much more potential than you could ever imagine.

Will you listen?

I did, & it was the best decision I ever made, that led to the best adventure imaginable… as I live, grow, fail, & see Him along the way, loving me & growing me all along the way.

Coming Next Week

Join me next Monday morning EST for my next big Pivot moment.

God works in our lives in countless little & big moments, but I am especially excited to share the highlight reel of God’s work throughout my life, because every great change has been a result of His guiding me to grow. Grow with me!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Restoring Hope Necklace

This versatile necklace features mother of pearl in hues of black on one side and off-white on the other, hanging from an antiqued brass chain.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

(*Also Pictured: Northern Lights Studs, made in India!)

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Ducking underneath the low hanging vines, she stepped through the dark woods. Her senses were alert, taking in the sounds around her. Above her, the deep green leaves rustled in the wind. Around her were the sounds of the forest, the bustling of the scurrying critters, aware & nervous of her presence.

And behind her, she heard a branch crunched underfoot.

It wouldn’t be long now before she was caught, but she was determined to venture further into the mysterious darkness surrounding her.

Sunlight snuck through between branches, dancing on the dark stumps, soft moss, & green grass of the forest floor around her. The darkness seemed to dodge each sunbeam, but the light persisted, shining brightly through the shadows.

Another branch crunched behind her.

She edged forward, taking in the smells of the woods. The fresh air was intoxicating as she breathed deeply, relishing in the fresh scent of nature.

She reached out her arms as she strolled, allowing her fingertips to brush gently against the leaves & floral plants along her self-made path.

She could feel the soft earth beneath the thin soles of her sandals.

Everything seemed right to her, & yet, something was not quite right.

Something was off about this place. As much as she tried to embrace this dark forest of a home, she felt that she never belonged here–that she was never meant to be here.

Something always lurked in the shadows.

She was getting closer now, she could feel it. The air seemed fresher & the beauty surrounding her seemed to grow richer the closer she came.

Very soon now, she would arrive at her determined destination. She would finally be free of the darkness that followed her every step.

Another crunch behind her.

“You can’t run forever,” a deep voice spoke up from the dark.

“I can’t stay here forever either,” she whispered in return, unsure of whether she was even heard.

Undeterred, she continued to step forward, bold in her determination to finally break into the light.

She had grown so accustomed to the dark woods. As foreboding & dim as it was, it was all she ever knew.

Every rock & stump & creek & shadow were all familiar to her. It was her home.

But she also knew that it was a lie. It was something she settled for, not wanting to risk believing the tales of the bright place beyond her dark home.

Why give up everything she has ever known for a tale of something that could be merely a myth? Because somehow this “myth” seemed to beckon to her, calling her by name, lovingly inviting her to see for herself.

She couldn’t see it, but she could feel it. It was more real than anything she had ever physically seen or felt in her dark woods.

But her doubts kept her back for so long, asking her why she would risk trusting in something that she could not see for herself?

Despite her trepidation, she had realized that her thirst for something more than this dark forest beckoned her beyond her ability to deter or ignore it.

She wanted to believe there was more. She wanted to believe that there was something greater than this darkness she had come to accept.

 “It’s not worth it. You won’t be free anymore. Come back with me.” The deep voice stirred up doubts in her heart. She hesitated, halted in the midst of the forest life around her.

“I can’t,” she determined. “I can’t be content to stay trapped here. Something is missing & I want to know what it is. I want more.”

“You will regret it. There are rules. Here, you are free. Come back with me….” As she glanced back, a hand reached from the shadows & eyes gleamed in the darkness.

Something menacing crept through the calm look in those gleaming eyes.

“I… I won’t. Those rules others spoke of… they seem to be right somehow. And I am not free here. It is darkness. It is suffocating. Something is missing. I must know what it is.” She stammered, but as she spoke, courage seemed to bubble up within her, emboldening her to keep forward.

“I have to know the truth,” she determined, turning away from the voice.

A mingling of fear mixed with her newfound courage. Those gleaming eyes she had once accepted now left her feeling unsettled. Something about them sent chills up her spine. She wanted to get away from them.

Stepping more quickly, she decided that nothing would hold her back anymore. She wanted to see the light shine freely. She wanted to feel safe & secure. She wanted freedom from the darkness that encapsulated her life.

She didn’t know if she was somehow too late. She didn’t know if she would be counted worthy to leave the darkness & enter into the light, but she had to at least try.

This place she had come to love & accept seemed but a shadow of what called to her heart. She had to know & see it for herself.

The calm, deep voice seemed to morph in the shadows, an underlying threat seeming to cut into the words, “Come back now. You won’t like it there. It’s better here. Don’t hope for more. What more could you want than doing whatever it is you wish? This is the place you need to be. Stay here!”

Chills danced nervously on her skin as she pushed forward. She no longer had the nerve to look behind her. The voice had always seemed to placate her into never seeking out something better. But now, it seemed to threaten her, demanding that she not break free.

She broke into a run & then she stopped in her tracks when she saw it… Light breaking through the trees & a gentle looking man, made all of light, with arms outstretched & a wide, warm smile welcoming her approach.

All at once, something inside of her changed. She felt securely loved & cherished & protected & cared for & brave & strong & free & FORGIVEN.

Looking into His eyes broke chains that had been clinging to her-chains she had denied were even there. Fear & regret & shame seemed to melt into the ground beneath her with every step closer.

She no longer doubted.

The voice behind her sounded desperate now. “No! Stay here! It’s better here! You can do whatever you want! There are no rules! Don’t go there! I WANT CONTROL OF YOU!”

She broke into a sprint, straight toward this man she had never met & yet felt like someone she had known all her life.

He saw through her, every crack & every mistake. She could feel it. He KNEW her, even her worst!

And yet… warmth. Love… Grace.

As she reached Him, she fell to her knees, tears streaming down her dirtied cheeks, too overwhelmed by emotion to meet His eyes.

She was too unworthy. She wasn’t enough. She didn’t deserve this kindness.

And yet…

“My darling one, do not be afraid. You have been forgiven. My grace has covered you. You are free now.” His voice was sincere, gentle & kind. “Come to me, my daughter. I love you as you are. Welcome home.”

Her face tilted upwards, hesitant & humbled. Her eyes were red & & her cheeks tear-stained.

But something wonderful donned on her in that moment when her eyes met His.

She felt light. She felt… free.

She slowly, carefully rose to her feet, not taking her eyes from the gentle eyes that stared back.

Questions danced in her eyes, wondering if this could all be real… If she could really feel this secure & loved & forgiven & FREE… If she could really be accepted by Someone as kind & gracious & wonderful as He.

With knowing eyes, He nodded in affirmation, understanding her hesitation, & a genuine smile spread across His face, His arms still open wide.

“Welcome home, darling one,” He said as He spread His arms even wider, beckoning her into His welcoming embrace.

This time, she didn’t even pause before closing the distance into the best hug she had ever known… one that seemed to erase in an instant every heartache she had carried throughout her entire lifetime.

She was FINALLY home & she never wanted to go back to the darkness that was once her life.

*****************

After that day, she quickly realized that life still had its complications & she still made mistakes on a regular basis. But something was different now. It was as if she was being changed from the inside out. The more she got to know the Man who welcomed her into light, the more her heart seemed to grow in wisdom, strength, & peace.

She could feel His strength working through her. His courage replaced her fears when faced with difficult circumstances as she learned to trust Him through each storm.

She now could ask Him for wisdom in any situation, no longer relying on the limitations of her own understanding.

And she knew grace as a way of life. His grace seemed to flow through EVERYTHING.

She no longer lived each day trying to survive the dark world she once called home.

He lit her path. He guided her steps. He cared for her & loved her & cherished her soul.

His grace flowed through it all, allowing her freedom she had never known before.

And never came a day where she regretted leaving the darkness of the forest she had once called home because now she knew the stories were true.

The Bright Place was not actually a destination to arrive at, but a Someone to love her unconditionally… A Someone who gave of His own life to cover her wrongs… A Someone who conquered death & sits on the right hand of God’s throne. A Someone more wonderful & powerful & gracious than any she had ever known.

A Someone named Jesus.

And now, instead of living in the darkness… She lived in GRACE.

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Holly Necklace

Co-Founder of Trades of Hope, Holly’s, passion is to empower women to be all God created them to be & to live out their potential. Whether she is visiting the brothels of Asia or in hometown USA, her desire is to see women live out their calling with pride & dignity. This piece is a reflection of the pride & skills a woman rescued from the brothels has when given the opportunity. A delicate piece, this golden/pink druzy necklace sparkles in the light.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

(*Also Pictured: Lagoon Studs, empowering women out of poverty in India!)

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

It’s My Way or The Highway

It’s easy to go through life on our own terms.

We naturally go through life the best way we know how. We live according to what seems right to us.

We understand we aren’t perfect, but we do our best.

Sometimes we beat ourselves up when we don’t get it right… Sometimes we blame others… & still other times, we blame circumstances.

But we inevitably determine to get back up & try again in the way that seems best to us.

Suck It Up, Buttercup… Or Not

Life is hard. No one can go through life without struggle, without mistakes, without regrets.

Although we can brush it all off with a, “I have no regrets, only lessons learned!”… Deep down, we know things could have gone better, but they didn’t.

Have you ever felt trapped by wrong choices? Like they define you in some way now?

Have you ever bolstered yourself to be strong & bold in light of your mistakes, eager &/or desperate not to show weakness or vulnerability, while silently feeling the pain underneath the façade?

Do you ever get tired of trying to have it all together?

I do.

Survival of the Fittest

I don’t know where we ever got the idea that we have to have it all together. Maybe it’s instinctual not to show weakness or vulnerability. Maybe it’s stubborn pride, not wanting to admit defeat.

Whatever it is, it’s hard.

God is slowly teaching me how often I do what seems right in my own eyes, versus humbly bowing my actions, decisions, & feelings under His able care.

He’s Right There All Along

You see, we often wait until we’re falling apart to cry out to God for help, when He has been right alongside us the whole time.

We don’t have to have it all together. We don’t have to have all the answers or always get it right.

We are limited in our understanding, wisdom, strength… But He is not.

Doing What Is Right in Our Own Eyes

In studying through Psalm 107 recently, with a Bible Study called Steadfast Love, by Lauren Chandler, I was reminded over & over through that particular chapter how those people started out doing what was right in their own eyes way before they started openly rebelling.

Coincidence? I think not.

Why? Because when we go through life on auto-pilot, just doing what we think is best, we will inevitably not get it all right because we cannot ever see every facet of every particular circumstance.

We Want Him to Make OUR Plan Work

And the more times we mess up, the more difficult our lives get… & the more difficult our lives get, the more we wonder why God isn’t fixing it & wondering where He is in all of it….

And the more we doubt God, the more we feel slighted by God… & the more we feel slighted or neglected by God, the more we tend to rebel against God.

… Even though He was right there all along, offering His help along the way….

Instead of asking God to help us follow HIS WAY, we often only ask for Him to make OUR way work.

Learning to Trust Our Savior

But when we flip the script to NOT do what is right in our own eyes, but instead ask for Him to guide us in HIS way of doing things, we get to see HIM work miracles. We get to see His hand guiding & shaping & upholding & strengthening us along every step of the way.

And as we live, drawing constantly from His wisdom, His way, His strength, His power, His love… we see things fit into place much more nicely & we grow in trust when things don’t go well because of the sin of others around us. We get to rest in His ability to uphold & strengthen us with His peace.

And we’re much less likely to rebel when we are receiving His life flowing through our lives. The Vine to His branches.

We’re Meant to Live by His Design

You see, we’re not meant to live life in a way that seems right to us… We’re meant to ask our Designer, Creator God what HIS design for our lives is meant to be & to do our best to lean into Him as He guides the way on the greatest adventure of our lives.

We weren’t meant to just be born, survive, & then die.

We were meant for a purpose… to change lives… to love others intentionally… to shine hope into the darkness… to be an impactful force for good… to serve the Most High God, Creator of heaven & earth & Lover of our souls.

Baby Steps… Pray & Ask

If you are like me & you struggle to release the tight grip of the reins of your life, struggling to trust that God can do a better job with your life than you can… start by being honest with God in that fear.

Put a toe into the water. Ask God to help give you the courage to dive in. Ask Him to help you trust Him with the little things. Ask Him to help you have the wisdom & humility to seek His way above your own. Ask Him to have His potential of your life fleshed out through seeking Him. Ask Him to help you to know & love Him more EACH DAY. Ask Him to help you TRUST HIM.

I will tell you with all honesty that those prayers have been the most influential, life-changing, purpose-enlightening, peace-churning questions I have ever asked in my entire life.

He’s Got This… & You

He knows what He’s doing. He’s walking alongside you, waiting for you to plug into Him as the vine, so His life & wisdom & peace & love & grace & strength can flow through you & produce fruit that also nourishes those around you.

Will you connect to the Vine?

He is waiting to nourish you. He loves you too much to let you be content with an empty, tiresom façade.

He loves you.

Shine Hope, by plugging into Him as your source of hope!

Coming Soon

Check back on Thursday for our monthly Special Feature post, shared every last Thursday of the month! Will it be a poem? A short story? Tales of our adventures overseas? Come back Thursday to check!

Also, join me every Monday morning for your next post of encouragement as we learn together how to give our all to our God who gives His all for us.

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Truth Earrings

These incredibly light earrings are made with genuine local capiz shell.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchase, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

(*Also Pictured: Sea Glass Necklace made in Jordan!*)

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Are They Laughing At Me?

Who else here struggles with social anxiety, even occasionally? (*Raises hand!)

I saw a meme recently that had showed an inner self dialogue between a young woman & her anxiety. It went something like…

*Walks into a crowded room… Notices some ladies laughing*

Anxiety: They’re laughing at you.

Me: But I don’t even know them…!

Anxiety: But they’re laughing at you.

Me: … They’re laughing at me….

It’s funny because it’s true. (And maybe it happens way more often than we’d like to admit?)

The Cruel Tricks of Anxiety

Anxiety can play some mean tricks on us sometimes & us women seem to be plagued by it often.

We oftentimes struggle comparing our lives to others. For example, my husband says he doesn’t especially like social media because it can be so harmful only seeing the good moment snapshots of someone else’s life, without seeing the whole picture.

They Have It Together… Or Maybe Not

If you’re anything like me, it is so easy to look at someone’s snapshot of a win for them & think they have it all together, making it glaringly obvious how much I do not have it all together.

Maybe you read my blog or watch my videos either regularly or occasionally & think to yourself, “Wow, this chick has it all together with her faith & her life & her marriage.”

I will be the first to laugh at that & tell you, “I most certainly DO NOT have it all together!”

The Endless List of Ways I Do NOT Have My Life Together

Jamie & I still have misunderstanding & get annoyed with each other on occasion.

I make mistakes constantly, most of which end up being the inspiration for blog posts, because I first royally screwed things up BEFORE turning to God to ask for wisdom & His power to fix it.

I tend to act first & pray second, often resulting in big messes, tears, & lessons learned. I am so glad God is a God of GRACE & seemingly endless PATIENCE, aren’t you!?

Divisive Lies Abound

But going back to our topic, there are so many divisive lies that we believe about ourselves & others, which end up keeping us apart, versus being unified in encouraging & uplifting one another.

Sometimes, we can become embarrassed in a specific situation & then we tend to avoid eye contact with the people involved, considering all of the things they must think about you now, after the fact.

Other times, we don’t even have to be involved in an embarrassing moment to have our insecurities take the mental reins & make us feel less than worthy to associate with certain women.

And still, other times, we are completely misreading, misinterpreting, & misperceiving reality completely, making us draw conclusions about the other person or our view of how the other person must see us.

Inner Thoughts of Anxiety

“They must think I am an IDIOT after that! Oh goodness, I can’t look them in the face anymore!”

“Wow, I just showed them my true colors & now they must think I am lame compared to how cool they always seem to be!”

“I just completely lost it just then, they must think I am either a weakling or just plain crazy!”

“All the other wives (or moms) seem to be so good at ___________________ & I am just not. They probably think I am a terrible wife (or mom).”

“They looked at me funny. I don’t think they like me. They’re so much more confident than me.”

Satan Knows Where to Hit Us

You see, our minds can play some pretty nasty tricks. And Satan knows exactly where our weak spots are & likes to exploit them whenever possible.

But God is bigger. God is stronger. God is more powerful, more wise, more loving.

So much of the reason we are not more unified as Christian women, is because we are letting these embarrassments, insecurities, & misperceptions be our road map in our interactions with other women.

Dispelling the Lies, Praying, & Clinging to Truth

We no doubt miss out on some wonderful encouragement & opportunities to encourage others because of this truth & it would benefit us all to stop & pray in those moments where divisive lies threaten to keep us apart.

“God, do they think I’m an idiot? Or am I just being insecure? Help me to rise above my insecurity & embarrassment so I can be an encourager to them. Don’t let me jump to conclusions. Even if she does think that, help me to still be a good friend to her. Amen.”

“God, help me to remember that no one is perfect. I am not expected to be perfect. I am just human. And even though they seem to have it all together, help me to see them as a human who needs encouragement just as much as I do. Help me to overcome my own insecurities of my own imperfections, & help me to see her as a human in need of support, just like me. Amen.”

“God, I made a mistake. Please forgive me & help me to make it right. Please help them to be gracious to me & help me to be humble. I know that we all make mistakes, but help me to rectify this for Your glory instead of avoiding it to save face. Help bring unity here. Amen.”

“God, my weaknesses & faults seem SO OBVIOUS when I see other women do those things so well. Help me to be able to love them in THEIR strengths, while appreciating the strengths You have given me. They are not perfect either, so help me to be able to help where they need it & please keep my pride at bay so I can serve them when they need the help & help me to grow in areas where I am weak or failing. Amen.”

“God, I know that we all have insecurities of certain things, so help me not let my anxiety rule my thoughts. Help me to overcome my fears & help me to be bold in loving & encouraging others. Amen.”

Keep Your Eyes on Jesus & Draw Your Truth & Encouragement from Him

You see, perspective changes things.

We can either avoid, hide, & push others away, or we can take those insecurities to our able & POWERFUL God Who is willing & waiting to help us.

Learn to change the inner dialogue from fear to trust… avoidance to prayer.

We have all learned coping mechanisms to help us protect ourselves from hurt & oftentimes, we miss out on WONDERFUL friendships because we let our self-protection get in the way of restoration & healing. So… PRAY!

We All Have Our Strengths… We All Have Our Weaknesses…

When you worry about whether or not someone dislikes you or is too cool to want to be friends, remember that we all have our strengths, but we also all have our weaknesses… & that oftentimes, our ideas of other people’s dislike of us is a misperception built on our own insecurities.

Let prayer rule the day & kick that social anxiety OUT.

Let God Give VICTORY

Don’t let Satan’s lies keep you isolated. Let GOD trump those lies with His truth, grace, love, power, & wisdom. He’s got enough to share.

Love you!! And if we met in person, even if I have resting snooty face… it’s probably me just being insecure & thinking inwardly about my own faults, not yours!

We’re all a work in progress! Hug it out, pray it over, & encourage one another in love!

Shine Hope by praying out the insecurities & praying for the boldness to LIVE LOVE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning EST for more encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Eternity Necklace

Multiple mix metal chains are hugged by a metal curved tube to create this simple yet elegant piece with a lobster clasp closure.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write and grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to help end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The Accusations Are True… But Wait

This post may ruffle some feathers, but this topic needs to be addressed. We need to change. We need to run back to God & let Him lead!

Hypocrisy & the Church seem to be synonymous these days & it breaks my heart & the hearts of so many others, because we see that God is our one true hope, but yet we can’t seem to distinguish ourselves from this painful reality of prevalent hypocrisy.

So why is that? Why are we known as hypocrites? How did this become such a huge distraction from the truth that has set us free—the grace of Christ?

Trusting in Ourselves… Instead of God

The most glaringly obvious answer to this question stems from the source of the hypocrisy itself—trusting in ourselves more than we trust in God.

We may believe God’s Word is true (or, for most of us, we live like it is “mostly” true, even though it is COMPLETELY true—it is NOT just God’s “opinions” of truth), & yet we don’t live those truths.

Why?

Because we like to talk about them & point them out to others. We like to judge others on their actions & ourselves on our intentions. We like to say we believe it without putting it to the test.

Being a Christian Isn’t the Same As Actively, Daily Trusting in God

Basically? We like to trust ourselves first & God second.

The results? Looking so “GOOD” on the outside, but living just like everyone else in reality. And when pressures arise, what’s on the inside shines brighter than what we try to project on the outside.

In other words, we are just human, just like everyone else… And we can’t rise above our human nature without first surrendering that human nature to the will, wisdom, power, & guidance of the Holy Spirit leading us each step along the way.

Looking the Part Without Acting the Part

 And if we don’t surrender our human nature to the will & wisdom of God, we can say all of the TRUTH that we want, & try to act as GOOD as we can, but we will be just as messed up & lost as anyone else on the inside—creating that dreaded reality of hypocrisy.

It’s not even that we intend to be hypocrites. In fact, I can remember getting really offended at that accusation because I was trying SO HARD to be SO GOOD on the outside & to TALK the TALK, without really WALKING the WALK by putting my trust in God over myself.

Doing Good Things in Vain

Even for those who become activists for great causes, take a stand for the hurting or overlooked, volunteer for service projects galore, & work in many ministries within the church… without leaning our will & our way & our wisdom & our passion to the will & wisdom & direction of the Lord… Well, if you read my post from a couple weeks ago, you know that we are “building” in vain.

Human Nature Trumps Doing God’s Will When We’re Not Actively Putting Our Trust in God

Because WE ARE JUST HUMAN on our own!

We are just as vulnerable to HUMAN NATURE.

We have just as many TEMPTATIONS.

We have just as many FAULTS & INSECURITIES & FALSE PERCEPTIONS.

Without leaning into God as our source of all wisdom, direction, & power, we are quite simply just building our life, our ministry, or our causes in vain.

We are trying to ACT godly, without letting GOD make us like Himself through HIS strength, wisdom, direction, & power.

How Do We Make It Stop?

So, how do we stop this plague of hypocrisy that seems to have infected the Church?

We lean into God daily. We ask Him to shape us & grow us. We ask Him to remove false perceptions we’ve come to rely on. We ask Him to help us overcome. We ask Him to strengthen us. We ask HIM to change us from the INSIDE OUT.

And when we learn lessons from God, we CONTINUE to bow our understanding to His leading & wisdom for each new situation!

Saying All the Right Things, But Falling So Short

Because without getting Him involved in the details, we are whitewashed tombs that look & sound godly, while grossly misrepresenting God & getting in the way of His glory… Depriving Him the opportunity to shine through us to the hurting world we wish so desperately to encourage toward lasting, secure HOPE through Christ.

We may think we have it figured out—especially if we have already learned a lesson in a certain area… because we tend to cut & paste & re-use each lesson we learn from God for every similar future situation versus continuing to bow our understanding to God’s wisdom—but no matter what we THINK we know… HE will always know more & He will ALWAYS know better. So, ask Him.

Always Ask Him

Always ask Him.

If you have already learned a lesson… Ask Him to continue teaching you.

If you already think you understand something… Ask Him to weed out the falsities.

Always, ALWAYS refer to His Word & rely on His guidance through prayer.

Knowledge may be power, but it is also dangerous… Because the more we know, the more we THINK we understand.

Always ask God.

He Will Direct Your Steps As You Lean into Him for Guidance

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    & lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to Him,
    & He will make your paths straight.”

(Proverbs 3:5-6) (Emphasis mine)

Always shine HOPE… by asking God for the BEST way to give Him the glory in all that you do.

Coming Next Week

Make sure to join me every Monday morning EST for more weekly encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Stargazer Set

This stunning necklace features a golden hammered half moon pendant with nine blue-grey tassels & a matching bracelet.

Artisan Information:

In India, poverty is rampant & fair working conditions are hard to find. But with every purchase, women are receiving an income, access to healthcare, adult literacy programs, & self-help groups! Not only does this change their lives, but they are also pouring back into their communities & helping others! You have the opportunity to empower thousands of women in India!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

If… Then…

I have heard it asked, more times than I can count, that “if God allows people to go to Hell, how can He be a good God?”

They also tend to follow that question with: “If God isn’t good, I don’t want to follow Him.”

The above declaration is also often preceded with God allowing the presence of evil in this world, so let’s address both concerns today.

Who Are We Compared to Him?

First of all, let’s get the “If God doesn’t [fill in the blank], then I don’t want to follow or believe in Him” claim out of the way.

If God IS real & He DID create the world & everything in it. If God DOES have complete control, power & dominion over it all… I would think our opinion of His deserving our respect should not matter so much. In fact, to risk being blunt, our opinion would be completely irrelevant.

He doesn’t have to get our stamp of approval for Him to be real & for His righteous punishment for the rebellion of sin to be real.

He Is “I Am”

And reality check, He IS real, He DID create the world & everything in it. And He DOES have complete control, power, & dominion over it all.

I feel that it’s important to start there because we are not dealing with a Someone whom we can shape to our liking or decide whether or not they are real or deserving… That’s not up for debate.

The consequences are real.

But so is His grace.

How Is God Good?

So, let’s get to the “God is Good” part, in light of sin & the consequences of that sin (Hell) as a reality we must accept.

So maybe you decide God could possibly be real. Maybe you feel that little tug on your heart, beckoning you to accept His grace & be welcomed into His haven of love & comfort & hope, even on earth.

But maybe you’re stuck on sin… & on Hell.

Maybe you question God’s goodness & therefore doubt whether you can put your faith & trust into Someone you feel afraid of or defensive of in light of what you believe about yourself or the world.

Completely understandable. I have BEEN there.

Even after I got saved, I grappled with this for a while.

It’s scary.

But…

Digging Deeper

God IS Good, & so let us dig a bit deeper than the surface.

Oftentimes, we hate this idea about God because we either see our own good intentions or the good intentions of others, when thinking about our sin.

Or maybe we feel haunted by a decision we made or something we did & now we feel trapped under the wrath of God, afraid to accept it as a reality rather than an imagined construct that we can just dismiss & figuratively run away from (or try to).

But God’s wrath is real.

BUT, His grace is just as real & it covers your worst when you bow it all to Him.

We Choose to Choose

You see, if you caught my blog post a couple weeks ago, “Garden of Eden: What Was So Wrong About Eating That Fruit?” then you know that we were never intended to be in this mess of a world & life in the first place.

God’s intent was for us to stroll with Him in the perfect Garden of Eden without fears or worry, pain or strife, living in a trusting relationship with our Father God in control of everything in this world that would otherwise cause us lasting &/or immense pain.

But Adam & Eve rebelled, wanting to make those calls for themselves, thus dooming us with that same knowledge of good & evil, brought on by eating that fruit.

And not only that, but we choose to eat of that fruit every day, don’t we?–in the way that we live, choosing to supersede God’s will & way so that we can do it our own way (& inevitably screw something or someone up).

We Have the Knowledge, But Not the Infinite Wisdom

You see, we have the knowledge of good & evil, yes, but we DON’T have the capacity to see every ripple effect of every choice. We DON’T have full wisdom to see all pieces in play past, present, & future. We DON’T always know all the details involved or the subconscious trauma that our decisions cause ourselves & others simply by essentially shoving God out of the way to run things ourselves.

Even as a Christian, I am guilty of living like this, despite my intent, every single day.

It’s too easy to go based on habit, cultural norm, how I was raised, my own perceptions, my self-protection mode, good intentions, pride, fear, insecurities, doubts, uncertainties, etc., before stopping to realize I have done it again—I have acted without stopping to ask God for guidance on how to do it best.

No One Good But God

You see, we mess up every day.

No one can call themselves Good. Even Jesus said, “there is no one good, no not one” (paraphrase Romans 3:10-12) & that our “righteousness is like dirty rags.” (Isaiah 64:6)

Only God is good because He is perfection. He is lacking nothing.

He doesn’t make mistakes. He doesn’t act out of fear or hate or pride.

He just IS. He is the great I AM.

All God Asks…

And all God asks of us is to trust Him to do the hard stuff, to protect us from the painful things, & to guide us in the way that will bring us & others the most joy, fulfillment, & peace.

But we still rebel.

God Also Made a Way Back for Us

And THEN, we have the audacity to shake our fists at God for sin on this earth… for not allowing entrance into heaven for those who do not accept His grace offered through Jesus Christ.

Because He offers that grace to EVERYONE, without exception.

God Makes All Things New

Paul murdered countless Christians, BUT when he surrendered his wrongs to God, God restored him & gave him a new purpose (his originally designed purpose) to encourage countless more to find hope in Christ.

David was called a man after God’s own heart when he repented of his own guilt & shame of sleeping with another man’s wife & then sending that man to the frontlines so that her pregnancy would not be found out. But God redeemed him & used his life for wonderful things, washing his slate clean.

You see, the people written about in the Bible aren’t even “good” people.

They are REDEEMED people. Redeemed through the blood sacrifice of Jesus Christ, for even them.

And for you.

He Gives Hope Despite What We Really Deserve

THAT is why we can easily call God our GOOD God, because despite the fact that the perfect life of trust & peace & joy in Him, that He intended for us to have was spit upon by Adam & Even eating that fruit… And EVEN THOUGH we make that same decision daily by bypassing His help to do it our own way… & even though we have pasts that make us cringe in the sight of God’s righteous judgment upon our sin….

God… Offers… GRACE.

HE made the way. He paid the price. He invites us back to Himself. He bridged the gap. He beckons us home.

Run to Grace

He forgives. He guides. He loves. He protects. He listens. He gives Himself as a Comforter through the Holy Spirit. He gives HIS grace to all who seek it, through Jesus’ sacrifice on our behalf.

Don’t live defending your wrongs, in the sight of God Almighty. Run to Him.

Don’t live running from His righteous judgement. Run TO Him.

Don’t be content avoiding God in fear. Run to Him.

He Gives Grace & His Grace Is FREE

He is beside you, waiting with open arms to welcome you home.

No questions asked… No lecture awaiting your return… No crossed arms or glaring gaze.

Just GRACE.

Celebratory dancing & singing, twirling around with joy, hands reached out to pull you into a loving, joyous embrace, an “I’m just so glad you’re HOME!” type GRACE.

Let Him…

Let Him love you.

Let Him shower you with His goodness.

Ask Him to show you, personally, His love & forgiveness & hope & GRACE.

It is so, SO worth it, my friend!

Always Learning, Always Growing

Even I have to constantly grow & learn new ways to submit my ways to Him, so that I can experience His presence & goodness more thoroughly in my life.

I will forever need to grow, but His grace is once & for all.

I am forgiven. I am set free. I can look forward to heaven with full assurance that the grace of God covers even me.

And it covers you as well.

Will you answer the call?

Coming Next Week

Join me next Monday morning EST for more weekly encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Nairobi Necklace

Small hammered ovals & ethically sourced bone shapes adorn this golden necklace that shimmers in the light. Crafted in Kenya.

Artisan Information:

In Kenya, where many people struggle with starvation & poverty, the women we partner with are defying the odds! Your purchase empowers these women to earn an income, overcome physical disabilities, & become important parts of their communities!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Kenya!

(*Also Pictured: Grace Earrings, made in the Philippines!*)

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The King Who Deserves My All

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like, if I let Someone else have the reins.

If I stop tirelessly trying to have all control, & let Someone else rule my life.

I know that it’s foolish to believe I know better.

I know that it’s vanity to try to do better… Than the Sovereign One who reigns.

But still I find myself fighting to win out control & come out above even Him.

It’s silly really because I know He loves me so

And that His vast wisdom & power far surpasses my own…

He is limitless, infinite, & never lacking at all.

He is Creator, Redeemer, & Almighty God.

And who am I but a flea? A creation created by He.

And yet still, though my fight wages even today, knowing full well He deserves the throne…

He died for me. He loves me. And He patiently guides me when I offer my will to His way.

I don’t deserve the kind of love that my gracious Savior gives,

And yet He lavishes so, on my broken, weary, & rebellious soul…

Letting His love be the call that calls me to drop all control.

And fall safely & securely into the arms of my God. Resting in His full control.

I don’t obey because I have to, for He gives me the choice.

I don’t follow from guilt, for His grace set me free, through Christ’s willing payment on that wretched old tree.

I don’t bow because of force, for His gentle hand guides me.

He is patient & kind & loving & perfect.

He is gentle & strong & sovereign & wise.

He gives grace undeserving for His love covers all.

I walk humbly & slowly, & sometimes broken & stumbling…

To be wrapped in His warm loving arms.

For despite my wasteful life, He has arms open wide,

A banquet & celebration waiting for me,

If only I turn & come home.

To my all-powerful, loving, Savior who willingly died for me

And calls me to lay my crown at His feet

And let Him knowingly, wisely, & perfectly guide me

Into the potential woman He made me to be

He beckons for kindness, for love, & graciousness

For patience & self-control.

And above it all, a life bowed to Him,

The King Who deserves my all.

Coming Next Week

Check back on Monday morning EST for more regularly scheduled encouragement!

I hope you enjoyed this month’s Special Feature (every last Thursday of the month), in the form of this poem.

This poem came from my heart & encourages even me at the loving heart of our Lord God. I hope this poem encouraged you to fall into His arms & to begin or continue this wonderful journey of understanding more fully His deep love for you. It’s a beautiful adventure!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Sea Glass Necklace

Artisans recreate the look and feel of sea glass by upcycling glass bottles from local hotels & restaurants that would otherwise be discarded, & tumble it with water & sand from the Red Sea until it is smooth & resembles the beautiful pieces found in nature. Sizes & colors may vary.

Artisan Information:

Many Jordanian women have their lives controlled by their closest male relative. They balance many customs at home, creating a lack of independence. Some of these women are divorced, widowed, or married to a man who may already have many wives. But amid struggles, these women we work with arrive to a family-like workplace. They can be heard singing, laughing, & seen drinking tea while creating our unique jewelry made from upcycled glass bottles. The glass is tumbled with water & sand from the Red Sea. Your purchase empowers them with boldness & financial independence for the first time!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Jordan!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!