I Didn’t Plan to Talk About This Today, But Here Goes…

I sat down today, ready to write, with my blog post topic ideas list in hand… but I guess God has something different in store for today.

I struggle with depression & depression is often highly misunderstood & oftentimes avoided by others, as if to say: “it doesn’t make sense to me how you can feel this way, so it makes me uncomfortable being around you when you talk about it.”

But it can also be so easy to allow my depression to take over my life.

With Depression, Life Is Hard… But Hard Doesn’t Have to Equal Bad

It’s true that people seem to default toward gaslighting & downplaying the struggle of depression symptoms, because 1. They don’t understand it, & 2. It makes them uncomfortable that they don’t understand it, but it’s also true that it can be easy to just give in to it & use it as an excuse to avoid life—because, with depression, life is hard.

And, while it’s not great when people try to minimize my struggle, I also have a responsibility to not use that as an excuse to “show people just how hard it really is” & give up… because sometimes that’s the temptation for me.

I Am Losing Some Ground in the Tug of War with Depression

If you have been following my posts recently, it’s probably no surprise to you that my depression symptoms have started to take a stronger grip on me lately–change is hard.

My temporary living space is somewhat depressing (some mold found, new cat litter is terrible at blocking smells in this tiny space, + I have to pretty much start my life completely over here in finding my place in this new space).

Moving is hard & it’s especially hard on the spouse, I would argue, because the one moving for the new job gets to plug right into their new job, while the spouse has to start from scratch & just figure something out every time.

Our moving process was hard this go around as well—with so, so many things that went wrong or fell through (of which it seemed God just stepped in every single time & was like, “Nah, I am going to just make it work out anyway, even though it really shouldn’t be possible at this point.” So effortless for Him when everything was falling apart at the seams, but it wasn’t a fun experience to go through—except in hindsight, seeing all the many ways God came through when there seemed to be no way forward.

So, with all the goodbyes, the suddenness of the move in general, the falling apart at the seams process, to now a depressing tiny apartment for the next month, + now starting my life over… again… well, it’s been pretty rough on me… & I have not handled it so well.

Sometimes, It’s Good to Cry It Out

Crying is cathartic for me. When stress builds up or I have to go through hard things, allowing myself to cry is a release… but lately, I have felt the need to cry almost daily.

My depression symptoms make it hard to function on top of all that I mentioned. I often have brain fog & feel empty & numb, like I’m someone who really cares trapped in a body/brain of an overwhelming “so what, who cares, what’s the point?” It’s maddening because I want to try but I just go into a numb fog where even simple things just feel so much more difficult than normal.

Satan Likes to Twist the Truth

And then, in my weakness, my vulnerability… Satan is at the wait… ready to lace everything with insecurities, highlighting every failure & slump, the reactions of people I care about… reactions even of facial expressions that say, “Really? Again? *sigh*,” & Satan jumps in to remind me, “look, not only is your life harder right now because of your depression symptoms, but you’re burdening everyone you care about. Now their life is harder just having you be a part of it. They shouldn’t have to deal with your problems.”

And, to an extent, he is right. And because satan likes to take truths & twist them, he is ready & waiting to do just that. The truth is, those people do still care about me. Do they like facing my burdens? Probably not. But they would rather have me with those burdens than not have me at all.

So, when people downplay or gaslight me, it just feels like he’s right. Period.

But I have to remember something very important: that whether others get it or not, whether they handle it well or not, whether it’s easy or not… the symptoms are real & they do make my life harder than it should be, but they don’t define me.

Depression & Me

Hard doesn’t have to mean bad.

And that’s my responsibility. I can’t hide behind the hard.

I have to be willing to submit the hard to God versus letting the hard define who I am.

I must determine to take that hard to God & say, “God, I am trapped by this. I feel like I’m drowning in it. I feel like I am ruining everyone else’s life just by existing. Please help me! Help me see that You are still in control! Give me peace that seems impossible! Help me to cling to You versus letting go when it feels easier to let go. Help me trust You come what may. Help shut out the lies of satan. Help me to surrender this struggle to You. Give me courage to step out of my survival mode to try something new—volunteer, a job, a friendship, discipling a young lady, something. Give me a purpose. Show me Your plan & purpose for me here. Hold my head above the water. Help me not to just give up & give in to the weight on me. Help me trust Your strength when I feel I have none left. Help me to be gracious to others who don’t understand or who discount what I say. Help me cling to You & not their understanding or lack thereof. Help me to be willing to go where You lead, even if it doesn’t seem ideal. Show me Your path & light my way & be my Comforter in this storm. Don’t give up on me & don’t let me give up on myself. You are greater. Your love is infinite. I have hope because of these things. I have hope because I know You care always & always have a plan. Guide me & lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. Help me to praise You in my storm. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Don’t Romanticize the Idea of Giving Up–Determine to Cling to HOPE… Sure, Real, Trustworthy HOPE

Sometimes I romanticize giving up (not suicide at this point, but just to stop trying at life), because it seems so ideal to just no longer care so “it doesn’t have to be hard anymore,” but again, that is a twisted lie from Satan..

So I have to be willing to keep fighting by submitting that romanticized “solution” of mine to God’s feet & saying, “God, giving up seems so appealing because it feels so much easier than continuing to care so much, but I know that is a trap & a lie that will lead to even darker & deeper despair, so remind me to lay aside that fantasy to quit & instead fall into You for help, determining to trust You against ALL ODDS. You are enough. Help me to remember that & cling to that NO MATTER WHAT. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Depression Is HARD… Some Won’t Understand It… But God’s Still Got Me… & That’s the TRUTH

Depression is HARD. It annoys me & everyone else around me who has to deal with me not being “cheery enough” to the socially accepted amount. It annoys me that I annoy others. I feel like a failure of a human some days.

But I don’t want to let satan write the script. I don’t want to believe his lies.

I want freedom, but even if not, I want to remember that God is good & He’s got me & He has a plan to use it for my good & His glory. Always. 100%. Even if I can’t see that now. I know it.

Shine hope by determining, against all odds, to trust that God has you in His hand, will care for & comfort you in the storm, & has a plan always to turn it for your good & His glory. Because THAT is the TRUTH.

Say it with me: “You’re done here, satan.”

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Heritage Earrings (Haiti)

Make a fair-trade fashion statement with these totally unique ethically made earrings from Haiti! These hand-beaded Heritage Earrings are reminiscent of delicate butterfly wings with 14k gold-plated studs, eye-catching black & white oval designs, & cascading fringed ends with maroon & gold-tone accents. Every purchase of these stunning earrings helps provide these Artisans in Haiti with safe jobs, fair wages, educational resources, & counseling.

How You Can Help the Artisans:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

When Nothing in Life Seems to be Going My Way…

Have you ever asked yourself this question of “Why is my life always hard”? Do you feel like you’re constantly dealt “a bad hand” in life & nothing ever seems to work out & that nothing good ever lasts?

Are you tempted to just give up trying because you don’t think it will work out anyway? Are you expecting to be disappointed yet again? Are you tired of having it seem like everything in your life always goes wrong while nothing ever seems to go right?

I have struggled with those questions. I have let Satan twist & turn negative circumstances so much in my heart that I just easily believe every lie of angry, hurt frustration boil up consistent bitterness within me.

I have asked the question: “Why is my life always hard?!”

It’s Not All Depression’s Fault… & It’s Not All Everyone Else’s Fault

Depression seems to be an ugly monster, for sure, as it can make me so droopy & out of it… but the true enemy is Satan… & my readiness to believe him… as he takes my weakness & twists & exploits it at every opportunity.

And then there’s the sin-torn world I live in, where lows & hardships are inevitable this side of Heaven… & it can be pretty easy to fixate on everything wrong with culture & sin….

It seems justifiable & reasonable to blame my depression… & satan’s exploitation of it… & the sin in the world, shown through all the wrongs in this world… & wrongs people commit against me personally.

BUT, another UNDENIABLE, yet often overlooked culprit for turbulent times of my life… is my own pride.

How Does My Pride Have Anything to Do with Feeling So Unsatisfied in Life?

I want things to be easy. I don’t like to struggle. I don’t like the effects of sin in this world (or its pull on my own heart). I don’t like depression or feeling Satan kick me when I’m down. I don’t like it when people wrong me or when things just don’t seem to be able to ever work out in my favor.

I don’t like facing hard things in life!

And, in facing all of the moments of dissatisfaction or disappointment, leading to sprouting bitterness… if I am completely honest with myself, & with God, I can see my pride welling up within me.

I think I know what I want… what I deserve… what I have a right to… what others seem to easily have with no problem while I struggle fruitlessly… I see the smiling faces of social media & how everyone else seems to get the life they want… so why can’t I?

My pride tells me: “I deserve!” “I earned it!” “Everyone else gets it!” “I want that life/success, too!”

My Ideal… Based on MY Ideal

I don’t know about you, but I had built up an understanding of what it would look like for me to “make it” in this world.

I wanted a job full of “well done!” accolades… a reputation of respect for my diligent hard work… to prove I was smart & capable enough.

I wanted to get married & feel loved despite all my flaws that others had implied were unlovable… to prove them all wrong.

I wanted to have kids & have my ideal little family with inside jokes born of silliness, family game nights, & adventures… I wanted to be a mom that my children respected & adored, who could someday be their best friend when they were grown with families of their own… to prove I could be a good mom.

I wanted to be admired & liked & to prove to everyone that I was good enough… but that was all based on MY ideal versus seeking GOD’s plan & will for my life.

I Need to be Willing to Let Him Change My Mind… & My Path… For HIS Glory, Not Mine

And that struggle born of childhood ideals didn’t end there… I faced it again leaving continental America for the first time to Guam with the loneliness that engulfed me… I faced it again when I moved to Hokkaido, where everything was bathed in the stress of a language barrier or culture shock… And again here in Guam again, facing the fear of my past.

My default is to focus on my story being MY story versus HIS… on what isn’t going the way I imagined or wanted or was told I could have because I “earned” or “deserved” or “had a right to” it.

I make my life all about what I think I should get out of it, versus humbly being willing to be shaped & directed by an Almighty God, giving Him the glory no matter my circumstances.

Why Is My Life Always So Hard?

Surrender… I struggle with surrender.

Am I willing to surrender MY ideal for His will?

Am I willing to surrender the way I always thought it would be or should be?

Am I willing to surrender the way I want it?

Am I willing to surrender to something “less than” for God’s leading instead?

Am I willing to give up what I think I should have for what God determines I should have?

Surrender.

And guess what? Until I choose to submit to that one little word, I will remain in my misery.

I have to be willing to get to the point where I lay down all my wants & ideals & determinations & ambitions & desires & what I “deserve” or “have a right to”… & lay it all down in surrender to my loving God who knows better than me.

A Prayer of Surrender

“God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I think it has to be such & such way for me to be happy. I am sorry that I cling to “HAPPY” like an idol or drug to get me through… versus YOU. I’m sorry that I make my wisdom my lord instead of asking for You to have authority in my life. I am sorry I try to make myself equal to or greater than You. Forgive me for my vanity in thinking my wisdom should determine Your actions. Forgive me for thinking I drive my life. Forgive me for making it more about me & not about You. Forgive me for my lack of surrender. Please forgive me. Teach me how to have my satisfaction in You. Teach me how to let You lead & to listen to Your wisdom over my own. Help me know You more & trust You more & love You more. Take my life & let it be all for You. Whether a janitor or a leader, whether well-known or invisible, whether poor or rich, whether respected or rejected, take my all & make it Yours. Help me rejoice in You. Help me live for YOUR GLORY & NOT my own. Help me know how to determine satan’s lies so I can shut him out & cling instead to Your Truth & hope. Thank You for JESUS despite my obvious undeserving. All to You I freely give. Whether I eat or drink, or whatever I do, help me to do it ALL for YOUR GLORY. AMEN.”

Shine HOPE by surrendering your dissatisfaction, bitterness, & disappointments to His working, will, & way.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Mia Hoops (Peru)

Enjoy a modern twist to classic hoops with these unique, oblong, open-hoop earrings. Handcrafted in Peru, these gold-tone Mia Hoops are made in a workshop committed to empowering the next generation with traditional Artisanal skills training. Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Peru.

How You Can Help the Artisans:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Apprehensions, But God Is in Control

Well, this is it. In just 3 days, my husband & I will be flying to our new again home—Guam.

As you may remember, I wasn’t excited when I found out about this possibility a mere few months ago. I thought Guam was beautiful, of course, & I made some friends who invested in me as a friend… but life on Guam back in early 2010s was hard for me.

Maybe it was the fact that I was on the other side of the world from family & friends for the first time in my life.

Maybe it was figuring out being married & being a wife, learning to work together & communicate & work through tough things together for the first time.

Maybe it was my husband’s crazy work schedule that kept him away from home so incredibly often, leaving me alone on the other side of the globe (pre-smart phone & video calls, too, when all I had was a limited international calling plan).

Maybe it was feeling like an outsider—not hired staff, not local, not military… just fallen between the cracks in so many areas with a mostly absent husband.

Maybe it was a combination of all of that. Whatever it was—it was hard… & now I am moving back.

God Is Holding Me through It

I know circumstances are different now. I have been overseas for 10 years & am no longer a newbie at this. I have been married to Jamie for 10 years &, while still growing, as we always will as human beings, we are much more established in our relationship. His work schedule won’t be as crazy. Things have changed to better include outsiders like me. And… I own a smartphone now… with video calls.

But still, the trauma is there a bit & the apprehensions settle around this move.

Gratefully, God has–despite these apprehensions– helped me to have a better attitude with this move. He is giving me peace & helping me to just take one step at a time. He is helping me to trust Him & not worry, that even if it turns out just as bad (or worse), He has a plan & He can carry me through the potential storm.

I Don’t Play Baseball…

And here I am, just a few days away from leaving this country of Japan that has become our home these last 7 years & curveballs are swinging left & right & I feel emotionally & physically spent. I feel “out of batteries” as I like to say when I get to this point.

But I have more to do. Preparations have to be completed in just a couple more days before our flights. There is no time to quit or pause. It either gets done or left behind forever.

There are so many details that I couldn’t begin to share them all with you, as it would take hours to explain every facet of ever-needing-to-be-changed-or-adjusted details. It is seriously a whirlwind of information & details & needing to know more than the people who ought to know & inform me.

And I am out of batteries. I want to quit, if I am completely honest. I want to check out, curl up under the comforter–with it pulled over my head, cry until I get all the cries out & just sleep until it’s all over.

But I can’t. I have to be a grownup.

I Was Ready to Check Out

I didn’t want to write today. I wanted to toss it out with everything else I wanted to forget about to escape any & everything that could add to my pile, but God kept whispering over my heart ever so gently that even if I just share my prayer–my crying out to Him– that’s enough.

Because I am NOT enough.

But HE is.

I NEED Him

So, today, I leave you with my heart bare in prayer, laying down my weakness for His strength, my inability for His limitlessness, my burden for His care, & my dead batteries for His Almighty power:

“God. I am so tired. I am frustrated & a little angry. So much of this process has required us to know more than the ones we’re supposed to be able to call for help. How is that even possible? How are we supposed to plan & know if THEY don’t even know? I just can’t anymore. I am so tired & drained & I just don’t want to anymore. I can’t handle one more thing falling through or one more mistake due to misinformation or one more re-do because of that misunderstanding or one more authority unwilling &/or too uncaring to bother to help us when we NEED it. I can’t handle any more of it emotionally. I feel so drained. Please, God. You are the Author. You are Almighty. You can do anything. You KNOW everything. Please give me peace where peace seems impossible. Give me rest of heart. Renew my strength. Bolster my strength & resilience. Pave a way & fit the pieces together. Direct us to the ones who know & are willing & able to help us when we need it. Give us patience & a reminder to lean on You over quitting. Thank You for all You have already moved for us. Thank You for stepping in when all seemed lost along the way already. Thank You for being bigger than me, with more patience & wisdom & knowledge & power than me. Help me trust in that more. Be my strength. Get us to Guam. Please get our kitty to Guam safely, too, & watch over his nervous, scared little heart—comfort & calm him please Lord—I hate not being able to explain to him what is happening, so please care for him on our behalf. Help me to consider more Your plans for this move versus how it may or may not directly benefit me. Thank You for always being enough when I most definitely am not. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Shine HOPE by taking your human weaknesses & limitations to HIM.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Mosaic Clutch (Guatemala)

Made in Guatemala from upcycled traditional blouse fabric called Huipil, with each pattern symbolizing the village from which the woman came. (Colors & patterns vary widely.)

In Guatemala, women struggle through abuse & poverty. But these women are now becoming proud business owners! By utilizing their traditional skills, they are able to create beautiful products that reflect their culture. They can provide for their families at home rather than leaving home in search of work & can also send their children to school to pursue their dreams. This is because people like you purchase their work!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Guatemala!

How You Can Help the Artisans:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Parenting Is No Easy Task

Parenting is hard work. It comes with many blessings, for sure, but it cannot be denied that it takes intentional effort & investment into the lives of the littles in your care.

I may not seem qualified at all to talk about parenting, having no children of my own, but I do know that as a fellow human, even without the extra challenges of motherhood, life is hard sometimes & I need God’s help.

Even knowing I need His help, I so often struggle doing life on my own without seeking God’s help right away, & I often see mothers struggle the same way… getting exhausted & losing their cool, sinking in stress, not considering the role God must have in the parenting journey.

I don’t know about you, but it’s much easier for me to react to situations versus prayerfully respond, & I can guess with fair certainty that if I were a mother, that would not immediately change.

God Is with You… Be Still & Know That HE Is GOD

So, I am here to remind you that you don’t have to do it alone.

Even if you have a spouse who doesn’t help out or a father who is out of the picture… even if friends & family don’t come around you… you don’t have to do it alone.

Even on nights where tears of frustration &/or exhaustion are your only companion… you don’t have to do it alone.

Even when the nerves are shot & nothing seems to work & “it’s just the way it is” & it’s the last straw… you don’t have to do it alone….

There IS hope.

Our Struggle Does Not Define Us or Our Lives… God Is Able

Consider my depression. If I am not careful, it becomes my identity, much like mothers who assume the identity of a tired, frayed, can’t-handle-it mom. Our struggles can begin to cling on to our lives like a label of reality we can’t escape.

But God is GOD. He is ALMIGHTY. He is ALL-WISE, ALL-KNOWLEDGEABLE, & ALL-POWERFUL… AND, to top it all off, His actions, His very being is defined by His LOVE.

He can move in the impossible. He can work solutions that weren’t even considered. He can make things happen where there seems no hope &/or no solution.

You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t have to be able to control every action or behavior. You don’t have to live feeling like a failure.

You have HIM.

Surrender Your Parenting to Him

Surrender ‘those’ days & ‘those’ nights to Him.

Surrender that stress to Him.

Surrender your anxiety & frustrations to Him.

Surrender the “it’s just the way it is” thoughts to Him.

Surrender your parenting to Him.

“HOW?!?” …You may ask….

Pray. Talk to Him about it. Lay it down at His feet, opening up your heart & admitting your struggle & need for Him. Admit to Him & to yourself that where you can’t, He can. Where you see no way, He makes a way.

Bow Your Needs to HIM As Your GOD

Ask Him continually & daily in prayers somewhat like this:

“God, I can’t do this. I feel like a terrible Mom right now. I can’t do anything right. I try to teach them & they don’t listen. Chores never end. I am tired & stressed & just feel like a failure! But You are GOD. I am not, but You ARE. Help me. Give me Your peace that goes beyond understanding. Teach me. Grow me. Help me to honor You in how I respond to this. Help me know HOW to respond to this & empower me to do it right! I react but I want to prayerfully respond in a way that honors You, trusting You to help me in it. Help me learn how to do that. Help me parent. Help me surrender my parenting to You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

A Prayer for the Supermom, Too

Maybe you don’t feel stressed with your kids. Maybe you feel capable & strong & like you know what you’re doing. Let me give you another call—surrender that to Him, too.

What seems wise to us is often foolishness to God. It seems right in our own eyes, but we don’t see the whole picture. Only God does. So surrender that capableness to Him, too.

“God, I feel like I have a pretty good handle on this parenting thing, but I want You running the show. I want You guiding my words & my actions & the lessons I teach—not human wisdom… YOURS. Help humble me & allow me to listen for Your guidance over my own. Help me to slow down & bow to Your leading. Thank You for Your patience with me & that You always know best, even when I think I do. Thank You that I can always trust You. Help me trust in that better & to lead with You as my guide… not me. In Jesus’ name, I pray, AMEN.”

The Importance of Intentionally Surrendered Parenting

Some days will be hard. Some days it will feel easier to just not be intentional… to just take a break from trying. Some days you will feel like supermom.

But every day, you ought to surrender your parenting to Him.

Shine HOPE by determining to INVEST moment-by-moment into Your children, raising them up in the way they should go… BY & THROUGH prayer & a surrender to Him in it ALL.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Green Tea & Jasmine Soap Bar

Make every day a spa day for someone you love or make this month a little sweeter & treat yourself to the refreshing natural floral scent & cleansing benefits of our Green Tea & Jasmine Soap Bar from India. Made with essential oils of Green Tea & Jasmine blended with moisturizing natural coconut oil, olive oil, & shea butter, this luxurious soap will delight your senses!

In India, many women in traditional communities still struggle to overcome centuries of gender discrimination. Women are often discouraged from working outside the home. Women with disabilities are often further marginalized by society, making it even more difficult for them to find dignified work & making them even more vulnerable to exploitation by sweatshops. But through your purchase, these artisans are given opportunities to overcome these obstacles & succeed!

How You Can Help the Artisans:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

A Hardening Heart Toward God

If I’m completely honest with you, I have noticed my heart hardening toward God over the last year or so.

It’s not that I don’t pray. I still read my Bible before bed every night. I go to Bible Study with other ladies. I keep up with my blog to honor Him even on days I’d rather be lazy.

I still see Him work in my life. I still ask for His help. I still feel Him near me, caring for me… even when I fail… a lot.

But I have grown cold. Selfish. Hard-hearted. Coveting of spending time the way I want or eating what I want or staying in the bubble of my comfort zone… Living my life for me… & not for Him.

I see it. I feel it. And yet, I don’t want to change it.

I Need to Diligently Spend More Time with Him & Seek after Him

There’s even a nudging on my heart as to the cause of it… a beckoning & a welcoming whisper to the security, safety, peace, & joy I felt when I spent more time with Him. In fact, the more time I spent talking with Him & seeking Him through reading & studying the Bible, the more those things seemed to define the state of my heart.

And I know I need more of it. I know my lack of pursuit of Him is what is slowly draining the joy & peace & eagerness out of my heart.

I need to seek Him more. I need to submit my heart to Him & spend time in His presence, through prayer & reading His Word, the Bible. I need to make HIM my daily focus… Not Me.

But I don’t want to do anything about it.

When My Life Is All about Me & Not about Jesus

It makes me feel ashamed even to admit it out loud that I have started to make my life more about me & not so much about Him.

Consider my anxieties that flooded my life when I heard we’re moving next month. Or the anxiety I feel when I think someone might ask something of me that may take away from my preferred use of free time.

Selfishness has begun to replace a pursuit of holiness.

Those anxieties should have been replaced by humbled willingness to see how they can be used to shine His light & honor & please Him, but all I could think about was the hassle & not having things go my way.

And I know it. And I feel no desire to change it, even though my heart aches & pleads for me to do so, to redeem the heart of peace & joy & love I felt when I did pursue Him more.

I Would Rather Have Hard Times with Him

I feel like the only way God is going to get through to me again is by letting me go through something hard. I feel trapped by the sinful, selfish hard-heartedness I seem to be clinging to.

It’s true that going through hard things is, well, hard. But if it gets my attention back on what matters & shakes me out of this selfish pattern of self-destruction, then I welcome it.

I wish I could recognize that reality, allow that to be all I need, & change course before it happens so I can experience that joy again without the trial first, but I just don’t want to change & I would rather hurt facing a hard lesson & readjust, than keep on this trajectory of self-absorbed destruction.

A Prayer of Repentance

“Lord, forgive me. I am so selfish & self-absorbed. I want my life to be about me, where I am the main character & everything happens to benefit or please me. I want everything to go my way & be comfortable. I don’t want things in my life that don’t cultivate comfort for me. Please forgive me. I don’t know why You even put up with me at this point. How many times must I learn this lesson? How many times do I need to be reminded that You are beyond worth losing literally any & everything? Why must I always cycle back to needing this lesson again & again? I don’t understand Your level of patience & forgiveness & grace & love. I must have long ago used up my ‘deserved’ amount. Please forgive me. Help me find my way back to the peace & joy & eagerness to pursue You in everything I do. Forgive me for making ME the main character, when the main character is, was, & always will be You. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Shine HOPE by trusting that God will continue to pursue you, even when you stop pursuing Him, & by knowing you can always turn around back to Him & find Him waiting with open arms.…

Don’t hesitate to run into those arms.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)

This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Journey Backpack

This genuine leather Journey Backpack is handcrafted by Artisans in India who wash, tumble, & vegetable-tan the leather to create a vintage well-loved look & feel. With its versatile, hands-free design, varying neutral shades of weathered cognac brown, & double-stitched reinforced construction, this backpack is a must-have fair-trade “carry-all” for anyone!

Get one for yourself & empower women artisans in India out of poverty. <3

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win! Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Are We Bearing Consequences We Could Have Avoided If We Had Sought God First?

Have you ever considered the consequences of seemingly inconsequential decisions to just act as most do on something versus stopping to ask God first?

Maybe your decision or solution is simply that of what generations of people have always done in that situation–like going to the doctor when you’re sick… maybe it just seems logical & reasonable like seeking an ally in battle… maybe it doesn’t seem any serious offense like pride, arrogance, or rebellion against God.

That’s how it typically goes for me anyway. I don’t think of it as being prideful or distrusting of God–I’m just acting on what I know to do from past experiences or the advice of those before me.

I don’t think of it as pride to go to the doctor when I am sick. I don’t think of it as turning my back on God when I ask for a friend’s help in crisis. It’s just what what one typically does in those situations.

My Hope Is in the LORD! … Do I Act Like It?

But then this little verse in 2 Chronicles 16 just has to throw a wrench into everything I believe to be reasonable.

“Because you have relied on the king of Syria, & have not relied on the Lord your God, therefore the army of the king of Syria has escaped from your hand.” (2 Chronicles 16:7)

Now. I don’t believe God’s intent with this statement was to throw a temper tantrum of rage, but rather to say, “I could have helped you, but you didn’t even ask me… you went somewhere else for help instead, & because of that decision, you won’t get the help you so desperately sought from other sources.”

God is our hope. Not just our SOURCE of hope… He IS our hope.

He wants us to come to Him as our solution, as our top priority, as our first inclination right off the start.

He knows He can help us & He wants us to know it & seek Him for it as well.

Accepting Sin or Accepting God’s Help for Change?

This also rings true in regard to our sinful habits, ones we think are “just who we are.” Sure, if we act on that assumption (that it’s “just the way we are”), rather than trusting God’s way as best & Him as our help, we won’t find anything else to be true, as we rot from the inside out because of our sin patterns that He passionately wants to help free us from.

But, if we stop to think that although, from our very core, we feel our gut instinct inescapably true, that maybe just maybe the God who created the universe might just MIGHT know better & we stop to ask for HIS way & will & help knowing HOW…. We’ll find the solution we seek in Him.

He Needs to be My First Go-To

God alone knows everything & God alone knows every solution, so why is my gut instinct not to go to God first for everything?

Before I search online for answers.

Before I ask a friend for their thoughts.

Before I ask my parents for advice.

Before I go to a doctor or any professional for help.

Before anything, my first instinct ought to be to seek God’s help, wisdom, & direction.

God Knows What I Cannot See

Maybe He knows I will be ripped off by the person I am inclined to seek help from… maybe they won’t have the skill needed to detect &/or prevent an impending health concern… maybe they are just best-guessing based on previous evidences…?

But God? He only does for my good. He knows exactly who I need to go to. He doesn’t have to guess. EVER.

So why is He not my first go-to for help?

How many times has my life been negatively affected because I did exactly what King Asa of Judah did in 2 Chronicles 16 in going to someone or something else before or instead of going to God?

WAIT on the LORD

Those verses to “wait on the Lord” (Psalm 27:14)… to acknowledge Him [as GOD] in all I do (Proverbs 3:5-6)… to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17)… to be still & know that He is God (Psalm 46:10)…

They all beckon me to not just pray as an extra measure or as a last resort, but to sit in prayer, to sit in it & wait on Him, knowing I can go elsewhere, but with HIM, I can be certain… that I ought to wait on Him.

I think a big reason I do everything else before consulting Him is the wait. I see a need & think it must be solved now. My gut instinct is not to see a need & WAIT, even knowing a wait for God is more effective than a quick maybe solution.

God has perfect timing & even His wait is because He knows the circumstances that need to line up just so & that rushing it will not allow for that.

Maybe He guides to go to the hospital, but He doesn’t tell you right away because the doctor who will know & see the real cause/need isn’t working the day you ask God for help & God waits so you see the right doctor… we don’t know.

But we can know that HE knows. And He alone KNOWS—even the TIMING... Even when the wait is frustrating &/or scary.

Trust Him in the wait.

Shame on Me

Shame on me for thinking any other person, even a professional, could trump an all-knowing, all-wise, all-powerful GOD ALMIGHTY.

Shame on me for just jumping to fix it myself as if He doesn’t know better & have perfect timing in all He does.

Shame on me for making myself higher than Him in my heart, as the authority in those decisions–even those decisions not to wait.

My Prayer

“God, I know You get it. You know I am so limited in understanding just how powerful & great You are. I know You are patient & long-suffering. But please forgive me for thinking I might be able to fix it sooner/better than You-for making You lower than You are. I’m sorry for making myself god over seeking You first. Please forgive my pride & foolishness. Please forgive me & help prompt my heart when I am doing it so I remember, ‘oh yeah, pray first.. let GOD.’ Help me change my patterns to stop & consult You before anyone else. Help me recognize that You offer Your wisdom to those who ask & keep asking (not asking a lot to “activate” it, but asking a lot as in a determination to KEEP trusting You even when it doesn’t happen when I think it should). You alone are God. You alone know. Please forgive me & help me grow in awareness & humility… & help me change this bad & prideful habit. In Jesus’ loving & powerful name, Amen.”

“Because You Sought ______ Versus Me….”

Is God your go-to? Is He the One you instantly think to go to first?

Is He the first One you trust to have the answer? Even in timing that isn’t your own? –the ONLY One you trust to have the perfect, RIGHT answer? Even above professionals?

Or is He supplemental or a last resort?

How do you treat the need for the help of God? Is it an “ABSOLUTELY” or a “sometimes”?

Take a moment to take stock of those times & lay them before Him in humble repentance, asking for His forgiveness that He is always so quick to give. And ask for His help to humbly do better at seeking Him first in ALL things.

Remember King Asa & Seek the LORD

Remember 2 Chronicles 16 next time you are faced with an opportunity to see a doctor or seek help in some other way. Will you seek your hope in Him? Or will you pay the consequences of missing out on His wisdom, direction, & aid as told in 2 Chronicles 16?

Will you choose to trust Him, or will it be said, “Because you sought ________________, versus Me…”?

Shine HOPE by making Him your first choice & your first instinctive go-to when you need anything in life, big or small. Because He alone KNOWS.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

–> Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week! <–

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts!***)

This blog/website has been running for almost FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Northern Lights Studs

These studs hold labradorite stone, displaying multiple captivating colors that vary in different exposures to light, just like the Northern Lights themselves.

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase these studs & empower a woman in India!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Back to the Tropical

Much to our surprise, my husband & I will be moving again this Summer—back to Guam.

People keep asking me how I feel about it, & the best answer I can give them is, “I go back & forth.” Now don’t get me wrong, Guam is a beautiful & magical place to visit, but my personal experience living there wasn’t entirely positive.

Part of my experience there had to do with the demanding work schedule my husband was on, where he was gone so much I felt mostly alone on the opposite side of the world. Another part was that most people our age were so busy that they didn’t have much space for us in their lives—not at all their fault—just the way it was back then.

I felt pretty alone there. And the idea of going back sort of makes me feel like I had finally beat a really hard level in a video game only to have the game glitch & make me replay the level.

A Rough Time Re-Visited?

Maybe these reasons seem silly &/or lame to you, but for someone who didn’t grow up military, lived near family her whole life, had long-time friends, to move to the other side of the globe, with an opposite time zone & no smart phones at the time… it was pretty rough.

When my husband first announced his happening upon this new job, I honestly just felt dread. Anxiety swished around in my brain & I felt overwhelmed & anxious. I didn’t want to re-live the rough time I had there before.

Journal My Thoughts, Face My Fears, & PRAY…

Normally, when anxious thoughts swirl around in a whirlwind of thoughts, I have found that taking out a journal & listing them all out really helps me to face the source of my fears, naming them versus faceless swirls of anxiety.

So, I did just that. I got out a journal, & began just pouring out the anxieties on my heart so I could face each one & let God dispel the fear & encourage my heart to pray over the different things that worried my heart so much.

But, as I did so, most items on that list were things that perceivably just won’t be changing any time soon… & the more I wrote…. The more I thought & prayed over the points on that list… the more anxious I became. So much for that idea!

Rejoice in Affliction??

And I cried. I felt bitter & frustrated & resistant toward the whole situation, wondering why our planned “2 more years in Japan & then back to the states” idea had to change so suddenly.

And as I cried & prayed… God whispered over my heart the words “rejoice in affliction.” (Romans 5:3-5)

That was not at ALL what I wanted to hear from God. How in the world, when I am feeling such turmoil of emotions, am I supposed to have JOY & REJOICE in AFFLICTION?!

My Attitude Check

At first, I was just like, “well, thanks for nothing,” but reluctantly, eventually I apologized to God for my initial bratty response, & asked Him, “God, okay. I’m sorry. You know best… better than me… but how am I supposed to have JOY in affliction? HOW can I REJOICE in affliction? I don’t even see how that can be possible for me so how am I supposed to do it? Please show me & teach me how because it feels impossible to me right now. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Guess what His whispered-over-my-heart response to my prayer was? Two words: “Even if….”

Will I… Even in the ”Even If”?

Even if. Will I choose to praise Him even if He DOESN’T answer me the way I want… even IF He doesn’t wrap up all the details with a pretty bow for me… even IF He doesn’t make it easy for me first…?

Will I praise Him even if…? Will I trust Him even if…? Will I follow His lead even if…?

Maybe you’re thinking, “well, of course you submitted & said sorry & everything got fixed….”

Except, my response went more like: “I’m going to need a few days to think about it.”

I Wanted Everything Wrapped Up in a Pretty Bow for Me

Over the next few days, I was determined I wouldn’t let it go. I was frustrated. I didn’t want an EVEN IF situation! I wanted a solution, a fix, a pretty wrapped-up-in-a-bow deal.

But that wasn’t God’s answer to me. His answer to me remained that two word question: “even if?”

And so began the cycle of crying in frustration upon being reminded of His response, apologizing for being so resistant to Him, to asking for His help AGAIN with the whole “joy in affliction” thing.

They Didn’t Wait for the Fire to be Put Out First

As I prayed, God reminded me of Shadrach, Meshach, & Abednego, how, when they were told to dishonor God or else be thrown into a fiery furnace (to the death), they chose to honor God no matter the cost. (Read the full story in Daniel 3.)

And they didn’t know God was going to rescue them. They didn’t know the “one who is like the Son of God” would meet them in the furnace & keep them from even SMELLING like smoke.

And even before knowing any of that would happen, these mens’ response was: “EVEN IF!”

They didn’t wait for God to put out the flames first.

Their response was: “EVEN IF!”

He Has It Under Control & He Has a Plan… Even If

How convicting. How humbling. How not-at-all-what-I-wanted-to-hear.

It hasn’t been easy for me moving forward with this move, but just in being willing to hear Him out & seek His help in the “even if” & the “joy in affliction” parts, I have seen Him grow in me a peace… not an eveything-is-going-to-work-out-the-way-you-want-anyway peace… but an “Okay God, I get it. Even if. You have it under control & You have a plan… even if.”

Life doesn’t always go the way I plan (big surprise there, huh?) & doesn’t always even go the way I want (anyone else?)… but God has a plan in it, so I can rest in that.

I’m a Work in Progress

I’m still a work-in-progress, but I can trust my anxieties & fears & unmet expectations to an all-knowing, all-powerful, LOVING God.

“So, God, here I am. I’m sorry I am not jumping to trust you in the no-matter-what’s of life, but thank You for being patient, gentle, & long-suffering with me & with all of us. I don’t deserve You, but I am so grateful that I can lean on You when life doesn’t go my way. You have a plan. You are enough. You have it under control. You are loving… even in the “even if….”

Shine HOPE by asking Him to help you know HOW you to even have joy in affliction & how to trust & follow Him, even in the “EVEN IF….”

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for over 4 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Infinity Earrings

These pure silver infinity hoop earrings with a subtle hammered-metal finish are handcrafted in Guatemala & are designed to coordinate with many of your other favorite styles from our Living Tapestry Collection. Each earring features a pure silver charm at the top of each infinity hoop that’s embossed with the fingerprint of the woman who made it!

—>Every purchase provides safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in Guatemala.<—

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue supporting them as well as continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Learning New Ways

To be transparent with you all, I have been struggling lately. Not an all-the-time thing, but most likely as a result of removing many of my coping mechanisms I had built in order to handle my depression that were harmful in other ways (time draining or bad food).

Rebuilding heathier habits—as far as my coping mechanisms are concerned—has been a challenge for me & as a result, I have not so easily navigated my depression.

I Don’t Have a ”Why”

With my depression, I am not spinning out of control at this point, but am much more fragile & fall prey to Satan’s bullying much more easily. It has been emotional & confusing because when people ask “Why” for my random cry sessions, I often don’t know how to even answer because I honestly don’t even know an answer for myself.

I also find myself anxious for no reason when out shopping—I’m not nervous about the crowds or anything like that + I really enjoy shopping, even errands… but I find myself having to pulse my grip on my purse strap to keep myself from feeling panic that makes zero sense to me.

I typically, for the last few months, have felt the need to sit in my car for 10-15 minutes whether before heading into a store or even before going back inside once home, watching a few videos on my phone to bolster the motivation to even exit my car.

It’s been weird & hard to explain & without any noticeable reason for it. It’s hard to share because it can’t really be platitude(d) away, & it goes against any logic or reason.

The Secret Tears

Because of these reasons, I was afraid to talk about it, while pretending to smile through episodes so I don’t have to answer questions I don’t know how to answer. Smiling & making excuses to leave the room for “the restroom” or to ”grab a cardigan,” so I can escape to cry it out for a few minutes in private before taking a deep breath & continuing on with my day.

I’m not saying all this for pity, but to let you know that it’s okay to not be okay. God is enough for you both. ❤️

That’s When God Showed Me What I Needed

And when I took some time & prayed for help, God whispered over my heart that His Word is like nutrition for my soul. It may seem like a supplemental snack, but it’s my soul’s nutrition. And I have been consuming a saltine cracker’s worth each day, expecting to have the emotional strength to fight the battles that come through my life.

My heart got the message. I am stubborn & lazy with how I treat God’s Word in my life… acting as if I don’t NEED it.

But I do need it, whether I realize it consciously or not.

God’s Word Is Our Soul’s Daily Nutrition

I often think of God’s Word as an encouragement or even a chance to get to know God better or to know what honors Him or what I ought to be relying on Him for as my help.

But God’s Word, although it ”simply just” seems to be those things—basically a blessing that encourages & teaches us—it is so much more than that. It is our soul’s sustenance. God’s Word is our soul’s daily nutrition.

It’s not an optional, supplemental thing… it’s vital & necessary.

God’s Word Is Vital

Being in God’s Word, the Bible, is not just to get a dose of ”Jesus Loves You,” but also teaches us how to discern the lies of Satan, so we’re not as vulnerable to his lies, harassment, & bullying. It strengthens & bolsters us against his attacks so we can stand strong.

We may have our weaknesses, aside from the attacks of Satan, BUT, Satan is always on the lookout for how to exploit those weaknesses & kick us while we’re down.

And when things in life may go wrong (when does that ever happen?) being consistent in God’s Word keeps us firm & planted, reminding us to fall into the grace of God, through the help of the Holy Spirit. It is our soul’s healthy dose of nutrition.

Are You Malnourished?

If you feel like you’re always running on empty, short-tempered, low on patience… it is most likely a red flag alerting you of your need for more time spent reading & thinking on God’s Word, & talking to Him about anxieties, worries, fears, stressors, insecurities, & anything else.

When we struggle & feel battered by Satan’s kicks while we’re down, it is definitely a good time to take a self-check & some time in prayer to God for help & discernment to see whether or not it’s because we are malnourished with our daily intake of God’s Word.

So, take a moment to ask God for a quick check up to see where your vulnerabilities & weaknesses are currently under attack & ask for His help in being more consistent in reading & dwelling on His Word to help you stand strong when the strong winds of life blow.

My Prayer of Repentance… & for Help

“I’m sorry, God, for my pride & for thinking I have what it takes without Your Word as daily food to strengthen & grow my soul & to protect & guard me against the wiles of Satan’s cunning attacks. Please help me better grow this habit of spending time in Your Word & to honor You with how I consume Your Word—regularly & consistently. Help me better cling to Your strength & Your truth over my own. Thank You eternally for Your faithfulness & goodness to me despite my lacking any deserving for it. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Shine HOPE by understanding that it’s okay to not be okay… & that you NEED the nourishment of God’s Word DAILY in your life so you are ready when both the downs of life & the attacks of Satan may come.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for ovre 4 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Northern Lights Studs

These studs hold labradorite stone, displaying multiple captivating colors that vary in different exposures to light, just like the Northern Lights themselves.

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase! 

Purchase these studs & empower a woman in India!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue supporting them as well as continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

We’re All Broken in Our Own Way

For me, it’s always been easy to look at the highlight reel of other ladies’ lives on social media, especially those living to proclaim the grace of Jesus, & forget that they are broken humans just like me.

You may feel like ”broken” is a strong word, but their brokenness may be from wrong choices, rebellion from God, trauma of their past, etc., but every person has a form of brokenness… just like me.

Maybe you observe me & see my smiling face on my videos or my weekly blog posts, running for the last 4 years (how has it already been 4 years?!) & you mistakenly believe I am the something to strive for… as if I am the finished product & you’re the broken, work-in-progress.

But I assure you that it couldn’t be further from reality. We all have areas we’re stronger in than others & it’s easy to see those strong, already-grown-in-areas in others & forget that they also have weak areas, too.

God Helps Me in My Weaknesses & Human Brokenness

I may have stuck with this blog for 4 years, but not without a lot of procrastinating, kicking & screaming & then eventual submission to God’s help on my part.

And aside from my I’d-rather-just-skip-it-&-be-lazy tendencies, I have so many scars & hurt areas of my heart that God has had to lead me through.

Like we talked about last week, I had to be willing to submit those hurt areas to Him for help, but I wasn’t always willing.

The Pride of Refusing God’s Help

You would think if I was hurting, that I would quit my way for His, but oftentimes, I find comfort in my bitterness because it feels like it’s deserved. It is hard to trust my hurts to someone else, even if that someone else is God.

I want to feel angry when I’ve been hurt. I don’t want to let it go because it feels like I am letting the offender off the hook when I do.

Because of this stubborn pride, I created some of my own scars, just from refusing to be helped by God.

Some of My Many Scars Where God Helped Make Me Whole

I have been sexually assaulted by a friend whom I trusted.

I have struggled in the past with feelings that I was too fat & ugly to ever be loved.

When I was younger, I felt my identity was as “The Flirt” because I felt it was how I fit in… Trapped by a fear to never let my guard down to show the real me or risk losing my friend group.

I have gone through such loneliness that I refused to pray anymore because I was so bitter & angry that God didn’t make my discomfort go away, versus trusting Him to be my enough in it.

I have had to walk away from & break the heart of someone I loved because God clearly said NO, when I so desperately wanted Him to say yes, feeling the harsh sting of heartbreak.

I have felt lost & swimming through life, not knowing where I fit in or what my purpose was, not feeling clear direction in any certain way.

I have faced 2 years+ of depression in my past, where suicide thoughts were daily & I felt like my very existence was a burden on those I loved.

I have been betrayed by friends whom I trusted with my everything.

I could go on & on, but one very important fact must shine out to you from all of that—God has been faithful through every bit of it.

But, GOD IS FAITHFUL

I don’t have my life all together. I fail & choose wrongly way too often. I choose my “wisdom” over God’s more often than not. I am selfish & proud towards God, & have given Him far too many reasons to just quit on me & move on for good….

But God is faithful. He is patient & kind. He takes my brokenness & He makes me whole.

Every time I have faced any of those things, no matter how long it took me to come to Him—when I did, He was faithful & forgiving & all I needed through making me whole despite whatever it was.

I am where I am, running this blog & a social media community not because I am the prime example, but because despite my brokenness, He makes me whole.

He heals. He forgives. He restores. He gives purpose. He strengthens. He comforts.

He makes me whole.

God Makes Me Able

So, when you see some Christian woman leading a group to encourage women toward Jesus, even much more successfully than my humbly small little group, don’t look at her as the prime example either.

See her as a fellow human with broken parts made whole by the power & love & grace of Jesus, empowered & led by Him to serve Him as she does.

Every week, ashamedly, is a battle of the wills for me—Obey God or lay on the couch scrolling random videos on social media. Obey God or watch tv with snacks. Obey God or waste my time away doing literally anything else I can think of.

Do I submit typically? Yes. But not immediately, not without His help & sometimes not even willingly.

My Prayers Usually Sound Something Like:

“God, I’m sorry I don’t want to do this. I know it would maybe encourage others, if they even read it. I know maybe it points to you even though it feels no one cares. I know it’s important to be consistent & to keep showing up, to show that You are faithful, even when I fail. But I don’t wanna. I want to be lazy & selfish & have an easier time without work I don’t even get paid for. I don’t have a boss to answer to. I could just quit. I’m sorry for only wanting to think about myself & my ease. I’m sorry for such shallow motives. Please forgive me. Help me submit to You more readily. Help me do this. Help me to show up for You. HELP ME. I’m sorry I am so selfish. Please forgive me & please help me. My weakness for Your glory, always. In Jesus’ name, I pray: AMEN.”

Nothing Is Beyond His Reach

No matter how broken I have felt in my past, nothing has been beyond His reach… Nothing has been beyond His ability to heal & to turn to my good.

God is faithful. He loves you. He knows your broken parts & He can help make you whole.

Offer those broken parts of yours up to Him. Don’t shoulder them as ”just the way it is.”

Let Him take you broken parts & make you whole.

Don’t Hold God Back from Taking Your Broken Parts & Making You Whole

Do you feel trapped or controlled or limited by your broken parts?

Do you feel it’s “just the way it is”?

Do you look at others as “the finished product” versus a fellow work-in-progress?

Let God heal. Submit your weaknesses to Him & ask Him to work through them for His glory.

Ask God to help you trust Him more than “the way it is.”

Ask Him to help you see others through the lens of HIS glory through their human weaknesses versus their own supposed strength/glory.

And shine HOPE by trusting that God can take YOUR broken parts & make you WHOLE for HIS glory.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week.

A Note from Michelle:

Thank YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Zoya Earrings

Zoya means “shining, life” in Hindi. These stylishly stunning gold-toned earrings are handcrafted in India, featuring genuine freshwater pearls on a delicate linked-chain design. Every purchase provides fair-trade jobs in areas of extreme poverty in India.

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me to continue supporting them as well as continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

God Is Able… So Why Do I Resist His Help?

First of all, we all know, deep down or otherwise that God is capable of it all. He is infinite in His power, wisdom, & resources… so when I determine to respond to life in my own power & fall short in that while refusing His help, that is my sin fleshed out in my pride.

God’s been convicting my heart of this fact over the last few years—that when I refuse His help even for healing trauma/hurts—it’s actually sin.

Sometimes it’s easier to not ask for God’s help. Even when I hate the pain, I sometimes hate the idea of “letting someone get away with something by moving on” even more, or I find comfort in feeling justified to not let something go… & I sometimes even begin to wrap my identity around it, thinking, “Well, I’m just not the type of person to _______.”

I resist His help because I oftentimes think I am handling things “just fine” or “as well as can be expected.”

Hurts… Well… HURT

We all have hurts, whether it’s scars from bullying at school that we sort of subconsciously internalize in the back of our minds as adults, or whether they are hurtful words someone we care about once said recklessly that we now rehearse whenever an event triggers those hurts, or whether we make choices based on survival mode in reaction to something wrong or painful done to us or that we were subjected to.

And when all those types of things happen, it is only natural for me to develop a trigger response to help protect me from getting hurt again, disappointing others, embarrassing myself further, feeling like I don’t fit, or whatever the fear may be for that particular circumstance.

Hurts hurt & when they do… I do what I know to protect myself from further hurt.

The Natural Response Versus the Response with God’s Help

And it feels natural, these responses, because they are my natural defense mechanisms, often subconscious even… I am not consciously aware of & choosing to do it my way over God’s or anything like that… my brain just comes up with whatever feels like the best safety protocol & does it without much thought on my end.

This same sort of defense mechanism that we all employ in one way or another, doesn’t feel sinful or rebellious.

And, in some cases, in a way—it isn’t… It’s what we do with them that matters.

When We Learn God’s Way, We Have to Make a Choice Regarding Our Natural Response Versus His Help for His Way

But then, we learn God’s Truth about a matter. I hear Him say not to hold bitterness or whatnot & then I have a choice to make at that point—do I continue just reacting in my natural response to the situation?

Or do I take God’s commands/Truth & submit my response to His help & healing?

That’s where the sin generally becomes solid sin in those situations, because while I didn’t mean to be sinful in feeling bitter about a situation—it was just my natural, gut response to the pain trigger—once I hear from Him that I shouldn’t be bitter & that He is able to heal the brokenhearted, I have to choose to let Him… to do things HIS way over my gut reaction way.

I Often Choose Wrongly

So, how does that look in reality?

Typically, whatever my gut response is happens first, out of habit.

Then, I feel His nudge & a reminder of His Word about how I ought to handle it.

And then, I usually fight it, feeling justified in how I feel I want to react about it.

And eventually, I realize my way just seems to make me more miserable & I desperately ask God to help me see a different way… to help me do things HIS way, even if that may seem impossible to me in that particular circumstance.

My Triggered Response Often Becomes Mingled with My Identity As “Someone Who Just _____”

Sometimes my trigger responses become part of my identity & it seems impossible to change because “I am just that way,” or “that’s just how my heart handles that type of thing,” or, “that’s just what I’ve found helps me.”

It becomes so engrained in my gut response that it seems inseparable from ME. I begin to identify as a person who does whatever it is in that type of situation.

So, coming across God’s Word about whatever such things, can sometimes feel like a personal attack against me—like I can’t be ME… like I have to be FAKE to please God… like my NATURAL response or feeling is WRONG–& it is, because it’s led by my human flesh versus the wisdom of God.

But my identity is not in how I have subconsciously trained myself to deal with whatever trigger or trauma may present itself… it is in trusting God to know better than I do & that He can handle it better than I can–if I let Him help me His way.

I Need to Let Him Decide Because He Never Gets It Wrong

When God makes me aware of a poor way of handling something or of the fact that I am forming my identity around something that doesn’t actually need to define me, I feel attacked because it throws into question everything I think I know about myself & how to handle hurts.

And when what I know seems under attack… my comfort zone… that is usually where the rebellion & refusal to admit a need for change happens—the sin of it—because my pride tells me “that’s just who I am & I can’t help it,” while God says I shouldn’t determine what I should be, but rather let Him decide instead.

Our Benevolent King of Kings

But God always & only wants our good. Everything He does & commands centers around His love & goodness toward all of us. He is a very benevolent, almighty King—it may not always be the easy or comfortable choice—but it is most definitely always for our good.

I shouldn’t question or doubt Him. I shouldn’t rebel & make my refusal to accept His help turn into a sinful response.

I SHOULD just OBEY Him.

It’s not easy for me, I admit. I want to vet everything He asks of me, checking it out before I obey—pride is the root of every sin we commit, because it essentially says we think we know better.

I need to be willing to take my gut response, my “identity” that I have established, my trauma triggers, etc. & be WILLING TO SUBMIT THEM TO HIM.

A Prayer of Repentance & for Help with a Willingness to Accept His Help:

“God, please forgive me. I’m sorry that I cling to “my identity” or the “it’s just who I am” thoughts versus trusting You 100% ALWAYS know better than me. Help me submit those reactions to You. Help me not wrap my identity around anything besides what You created in me—Your Truth versus how I feel it ought to be. Please forgive me for refusing Your help sometimes & going on my gut versus Your limitless wisdom. Help me to better submit to Your help. Help me be more aware of when I need to make that choice. Help me choose to trust You to help me & to be willing to BE helped versus staying in my “understandable” bitterness or other wrong choices. You know best. Always. Help me to better trust that & to better submit to Your will, Your way, Your help, & Your healing. I love You. In Jesus’ name, I pray: AMEN.”

Ask Him for the HOW & for the HELP to Do It

So, if you feel trapped by a sin that “you can’t help or control,” when God says to do otherwise… don’t refuse His help.

Ask Him to help you see HOW to change & to walk you through it, trusting His will over your own.

Don’t let Satan deceive you into thinking you have to be that way, knowing that it’s God who can take your brokenness & make you whole.

Shine HOPE by letting God in & letting Him help you through whatever it may be.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts!***)

This blog/website has been running for almost FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Darling Charms Set

This set of six pairs of versatile & colorful ethically collected bone, clay, & metal charms are handcrafted in India by Artisans who are committed to fighting child marriage & providing opportunities for women to become financially independent as fair-trade Artisans. Designed to mix & match, create a new look each time you wear them with our Customizable Gold Hoops (shown) or your favorite bracelets & necklaces!

Every purchase supports vulnerable women in areas of extreme poverty in India.

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!