Grace, By Definition, Is Undeserved

Being gracious does not come naturally, does it? Because, by its very nature, grace is undeserved.

Even if you may feel it not a weakness, I definitely struggle with it.

You know, if it’s something small or if I can tell nothing was meant by it, I can sometimes easily brush it off & move on… but when it was intentionally meant to hurt me or they recklessly hurt me, followed by zero remorse or compassion… yeah… not so easy for me then.

But today, I want to cover 4 people in the Bible whose demonstrated graciousness has really challenged me in this area: the slave girl, the prisoners, the betrayed brother, & the Lamb.

The Slave Girl

At church yesterday, our pastor spoke on the story of Naaman (2 Kings 5:1-16). Naaman is described as: Commander of the king’s army, a great man in the sight of the king, highly regarded, a valiant soldier… but he had leprosy.

But we’re not here to talk about this “great man of valor.” We’re here to talk about his wife’s slave girl. She is described as: taken from her home by raiders, held captive, & now a servant of Naaman’s wife.

Now, if it were ME we were talking about, I would find out my master’s husband had leprosy which he would most likely eventually die from, & think he kind of deserved it & that maybe it could even lead toward me finding a way to be released from captivity so I could go home.

But that is not how this slave girl responded to her unfair, hurtful circumstances that dragged her away from her home & family.

She surprisingly responded with GRACE. We know this because it was HER idea to tell Naaman’s wife that a prophet of God lived in Israel & could, through God, heal him of his leprosy.

Her Grace Led to His Healing, in More Ways Than One

And guess what??! Desperate man that he was, under all of his high praise titles, he LISTENED to her & WENT. And long story short, Elisha (the said prophet of God in Israel) did not show any recognition whatsoever to Naaman’s prestige, which greatly offended Naaman… because God wanted Naaman to see that it wasn’t JUST his physical malady He wanted to heal, but his heart & soul as well… & God KNEW Naaman needed to be humbled first, to be put on the same playing field as everyone else so to speak, & reminded that at his very core, Naaman was just simply a person like everyone else.

And through the urging of his servants to look past his offended pride & anger, he did indeed follow the instructions given by Elisha & he was indeed HEALED of his leprosy… & through all of that humbling, his heart was able to recognize the glory & splendor of the God Who had healed him!

He surrendered his life to God because a slave girl saw past her unfair circumstances, looked through the lens of grace, & had compassion on her master.

Was That Grace Easy for Her? We Don’t Know…

We aren’t told what went on in that young slave girl’s heart. Maybe she wrestled with wanting to let him suffer… maybe she had to bow down her natural inclinations to allow God’s perspective to override her feelings on the matter… or maybe she abided with God so closely through talking with Him (prayer) & reading His Word (Scripture texts), that she knew already how God would will her to respond. We don’t know.

But regardless of her process to get there, respond with grace she did. And her master will be grateful for her compassion & grace into all eternity.

All because a slave girl was gracious to a man named Naaman who wasn’t at all deserving of her grace.

The Prisoners

The second challenge to my struggle with graciousness is the story of 2 men who were “stripped, beaten, & severely flogged…” & then taken to prison because they freed a slave girl from the control of a demon & it made her masters FURIOUS because her fortune-telling made them heaps of money at her expense. (Acts 16:16-34)

The response of these 2 men—Paul & Silas? … “Praying & singing hymns to God as the other prisoners listened to them.”

In the middle of the night, earthquakes SHOOK the prison & caused the prison doors to fly open & all the chains on the prisoners to be loosed!

But you know what they did? The jailor came RUSHING in, SAW all the doors wide open, drew his sword & was ready to kill himself (the punishment for losing prisoners on your watch was SEVERE)… but then, a voice calls out….

Paul shouts out: “Don’t harm yourself! We are all here!” (Acts 16:28)

Their Grace Led to Hope for a Jailor & His Whole Family

The jailer was humbled to his CORE & was trembling as he asked, “What must I do to be SAVED???”

“They replied, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household.” Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all the others in his house. At that hour of the night the jailer took them and washed their wounds; then immediately he and all his household were baptized. The jailer brought them into his house and set a meal before them; he was filled with joy because he had come to believe in God—he and his whole household.” (Acts 16:31-34) (WOW, it’s hard not to get choked up at that response!)

We don’t know how uncomfortable prison was for them, how wronged or hurt they felt… we know they were beaten & stripped & humiliated. And yet, they chose to worship God & trust God even in the midst of ALL THAT. And God used their time in prison & their attitude of graciousness to reach the heart of a particular jailor & his WHOLE family.

All because 2 prisoners saw beyond their uncomfortably poor circumstances & showed GRACE undeserved through it. Wow.

The Betrayed Brother

And then, this story, this betrayed brother that I have talked on so often in the past almost 7 years of doing this blog… Joseph, betrayed by his brothers. (Genesis 37-50)

They wanted to kill him, but then decided they could profit better from the situation by selling their own brother instead to passing slavers.

But you know what? Joseph, in being threatened to be killed by his brothers out of jealousy, being threatened to be abandoned to die of starvation or thirst in a hole by his brothers, being SOLD by his brothers to slavers, being bought, being accused wrongly because his new owner’s wife wanted him & he refused her honorably, being thrown in prison from false accusations, forgotten & left behind after helping someone in that prison, etc. etc. etc. The Bible says God BLESSED everything he did because he would strive always to do his best, even when it wasn’t earned by those demanding it.

What a life of GRACE he demonstrated, huh? I don’t know if I could have done it, outside of MUCH prayer & sobbing for home.

His Grace Led to Saving His Whole Family During a Time of Terrible Famine

But, in the end, God showed Joseph that what others meant for evil, God meant it for GOOD, because all of these HORRIBLE circumstances led him to be in a position of impressing the PHAROAH of Egypt so much so that this Pharaoh gave him power over his entire kingdom! AND, because of that gifted power, Joseph was in a position to provide food to his whole family when YEARS of famine struck all the land.

GOD KNEW… Joseph was faithful & gracious…. GOD PROVIDED.

(***You can read Joseph’s powerful story in Genesis 37-50. One of my FAVORITE stories. And it’s a TRUE one at that! God is so GOOD!***)

The Lamb

But then, we are at Person #4, who challenges me the most out of all 4: the Lamb.

More particularly, the Lamb of God… Jesus Christ.

Jesus is GOD. Imagine with me the ROBES that FILLED the throne room… the GLORY & MAJESTY like you can’t even begin to imagine….

And His love for US… it COMPELLED Him to step down from His heavenly throne when all of humanity’s efforts failed. The perfect garden with His presence? Wasn’t enough for us…. The 10 Commandments? Couldn’t keep ‘em. The sacrifices? Didn’t stop the sin.

So, Jesus came as the ultimate sacrifice… a once-for-all type sacrifice… as the Lamb of God.

His Grace Brought Us HOPE

We sin & we sin & we sin & we sin & we have no hope. We are naturally OWNED by our sin nature.

BUT GOD. God had compassion. God showed grace. God had His ONLY Son JESUS to pay our price FOR us. And Jesus, although overwhelmed by the weight & pain of it, willingly condescended Himself on our behalf. Talk about undeserved GRACE!

Aren’t you so incredibly GLAD that God did not leave us to our own sin & deserved punishment in Hell? That He provided an OUT? That He offered HIMSELF?

The perfect Lamb. Our perfect Sacrifice. Our SAVIOR.

What Does the Bible Say About Jesus?

“Behold! The Lamb of God Who takes away the sin of the world!” (John 1:29)

“Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.”” (John 14:6)

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, [Jesus] Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

“… if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.” (Romans 10:9-10)

“For “whoever calls on the name of the Lord [Jesus] shall be saved.” (Romans 10:13)

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son [Jesus], that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” (John 3:16-17)

“All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the Lord has laid on [Jesus] the iniquity of us all.

[Jesus] was oppressed and He was afflicted,
Yet He opened not His mouth;
[Jesus] was led as a lamb to the slaughter,
And as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
So [Jesus] opened not His mouth.” (Isaiah 53:6-7)

Graciousness, as Told By: The Slave Girl, the Prisoners, the Betrayed Brother, & the Lamb

Who else is challenged in the area of GRACE today?

The slave girl, the prisoners, the betrayed brother… the Lamb…. Because they were willing to extend grace undeserved, God was able to change lives through their graciousness.

Praise GOD for GRACE.

May this urge us all to live in the perspective of grace. To live beyond & above our awful, difficult, unfair circumstances….

… To see ALL circumstances of unfairness as God-appointed opportunities to be, as our pastor termed it: “Messengers of Mercy.”

Shine HOPE by living a life of graciousness in moments of unfair treatment/circumstances, so that you can live as a “Messenger of Mercy” to this broken world owned by sin, to be redeemed by God’s GRACE.

(***Read more about grace undeserved in some of my previous posts: “An Undeserved Grace,” “Living Hard Things with Grace,” “Care More About the Person Than the Hurt,” & “Just an Average Person Used by an Almighty God.”***)

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for 6.5 years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Ardent Necklace-Golden (INDIA)

Create safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty in India by purchasing the Ardent Necklace! The design of the Ardent Necklace makes it uniquely customizable, featuring its twisted cord, elegant metal finishing and an adjustable golden bead for easy wearing. This necklace is easy to pull over your head and adjust to your perfect length. The gold-tone pendant is an organically shaped pendant with a freshwater pearl.

***Use the “Shop Here” link below to purchase this beautifully handcrafted necklace & help create job opportunities for women in areas of extreme poverty in India.***

How You Can Help Artisans around the World AND Help Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

If This Was You… Thank You

Throughout my life, the friendships that have really impacted me are the ones that point me consistently to Jesus Christ, praying with/for me, asking me what God has been teaching me lately, sharing testimonies of how they have seen God show up for them…. Those are the friendships that really stand out to me & change my life for the better.

I crave those types of friendships.

I Need to be Pointed to Jesus

If you don’t read all of my hot mess blog posts, in seasons of hard & hurt, or where I feel like I am falling apart on all accounts, you may be tempted, at a glance, to see me, a woman who owns a website, provides resources, runs a blog, leads Bible Studies, or anything else… & think I have it going pretty well faith-wise over here.

But I am just human like everyone else, which means I have seasons of struggle just like everyone else. I sometimes have doubts creep in my head & slap me in the face with a wavering question. Sometimes I grumble starting my day, wanting nothing more than to cancel my alarm completely & pull the covers back up under my chin, totally ignoring any & all responsibility. Sometimes, like today, I REALLY crave a nap instead of sitting here working on this week’s blog post.

Sometimes I feel worn down. Sometimes I feel beat up. Sometimes I feel insecure. Sometimes I feel afraid. Sometimes I just want to do absolutely nothing at all. Sometimes hurts drown out all else. Sometimes I don’t make the right choice.

I have need, just like everyone else, & I would argue that anyone with an intentional platform for Jesus is going to get an extra layer of tired &/or struggle because Satan would prefer that you just quit.

And thus, I crave edifying friendships.

I Crave Edifying Friendships

My ideal hangout? Talking about how God has shown up in your life, sharing answered prayers, singing praise/worship together, talking about personal weaknesses & reminding each other of truth & praying for each other. My ideal friendship is ever-pointing me back to Jesus, so that I leave not only refreshed, but built up & ready to face the next day, remembering Who is in control of it & Who deserves the glory through it.

Some may think I am just trying to be overly spiritual or self-righteous or something, but for me, it is genuine hunger. I CRAVE that type of conversation.

I am too easily distracted! Too easily numbed & made complacent! I am too easily busied! And sometimes, I am too easily discouraged!

My Absolute Dream Job

If I were to have my dream job, where there were no obstacles & I could just wish it & have it happen just so, it would be for me to have my own small office with a desk, a small rug, a few chairs, & a bookcase (lots of pink, too, if I’m honest). The bottom couple shelves would be toys & games & if a mom needed to bring her kids, she could. I would have a lit candle on my desk, peaceful worship music playing for soothing ambiance, & the rest of my bookshelf would be books that have had an impact on my faith so I could share them library style. And I would just do discipleship training, accountability, mentorship, & counseling all day every day with teens, young adults, & grown women, just pouring into them, coming alongside them in their lives & pointing them always to Jesus, through discussion/sharing, looking to God’s Word (the Bible), & prayer… because I know I need it, too. That is what lights a fire in me. That’s my pipe dream.

Lord, Let Me Live My Life Wholly Devoted to Pouring into the Lives of Other Women–AMEN

But I digress…. I crave those types of relationships. I want to go all in for God, but I feel so easily complacent or numbed… distracted… discouraged…. I need to pour into & be poured into… I need my focus constantly reset & when I work with other women in this way, it just ignites me & reminds me consistently why living for God & His glory is the very absolute best thing I could ever give my time to. It glues my focus ever to HIM. And I absolutely LOVE that. That is why I LOVE ministry work.

Pray with me to that end. That God help me develop more friendships & opportunities like that… where I can pour into & be poured into, resetting our focus always to the glory of God in all things big or small. Fixing our focus on HIM.

And shine HOPE, by being that type of friend to the women God has put in YOUR life. We need each other.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for SIX years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

October 2024 Hope Mail (INDIA)

***Purchase this month’s Hope Mail, using the “Shop Here” link below to create safe jobs with fair wages for women in areas of extreme poverty in India where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops and human traffickers.***

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!

Always the Romantic

I enjoy watching quippy romantic comedies & classic animated princess movies. I was always a sucker for a good love story & I couldn’t wait to have one of my own. I was always a romantic with my rosy glasses & dreams of the married life… dreams of feeling loved & accepted by a guy who was head over heels in love with me.

But something I fear has happened in a culture saturated with this genre of movies—we almost subconsciously believe that the “happily ever after” implies that once you find your “prince charming” & once you work through your struggles or whatever the specific trial is in the storyline of your relationship, all’s good from here on out as you enjoy forever wedded bliss.

And then sitcoms go & show marriage to be a joke almost, like misery is just an expectation, divorce is inevitable, & there is absolutely no way to feel satisfied & happy in marriage. And a sex life? Ha. Forget it, right?

So there becomes this conflict between expecting that once you work through your differences, everything should go perfectly, & that when it inevitably doesn’t, well, “that’s just marriage for ya.”

We Are Complex People

I talked on social media yesterday about how complex we are as people & how it’s often that we like to label people, even subconsciously as: “a nice guy/girl,” “a rude person,” “an angry person,” “an annoying person,” etc. because it just helps us in quickly determining whether we like or dislike, trust or distrust someone… a way we protect ourselves instinctively.

But I go through seasons where you’d probably feel like warning others about me: “she complains ALL THE TIME,” “she gave into temptation & dishonored God,” “she seems to be struggling all the time, she’s a mess,” “she overshares,” “she’s awkward.”

I have seasons where I am moody & selfish & just want to take care of me first. I have seasons where I doubt God’s way & choose my own. I have seasons where I feel all hope is lost. I have seasons where I trust in the blessings given to me by God more than the God Who gave me those blessings. I have seasons where I am giving & kind. I have seasons where I am courageous & confident.

I can’t be summed up by a simplistic generalization.

Humans Choose Wrongly Sometimes

I don’t stop being a flawed human with a sinful human nature that wars with my spirit when I accept Jesus’ payment for my sins on the cross. I don’t become perfect.

I still have to choose to submit to the work & leading of the Holy Spirit in my life.

Just like Job, as he questioned God in his deep pain & tragedy.

Just like Jonah as he ran away from God’s directions.

Just like Abraham, as he listened to his wife’s terrible plan to “help” God fulfill His promise to them for a child.

Just like David as he didn’t avert his gaze but gave into sexual temptation & then followed it through by having the woman’s husband killed to cover it up.

I am still human. I am saved from my sin, guaranteed to go to heaven… but I still require His DAILY grace & to DAILY submit to HIS leading, wisdom, & strength in my own humanness.

Well, guys… the same is true in marriage.

You Married Another Human… Of Course There Will be Struggles

If you feel frustrated with your spouse, you are far from alone in that, because you, my dear… married another human being.

Just like me, when I can be a grump. I can be selfish & self-centered. I can be a complainer. I can be tempted to throw in the towel & just give up. I can cry & struggle a lot sometimes & seem like a huge burden. I can struggle with anger & resentment. I can choose to sin by denying God’s promised way out.

I am a lot. And so are we all at times, if we’re willing to be honest with ourselves.

That is why we can understand how it is such an extremely undeserved blessing of what Jesus did on that cross for us, right?

That is why marriage is so hard in some seasons. Especially when we fixate on what frustrates us rather than pray/extend grace. (Grace, by definition, is undeserved.)

The Necessity of Building a Marriage upon GRACE

Giving grace is absolutely a necessity in marriage. But giving grace is also one of the hardest things in the world to extend to another person sometimes. Jesus gave His life to give us grace.

Habits may annoy you. Seeming lackadaisical about something that means so incredibly much to you can frustrate the snot out of you. Grumpy moods or bad attitudes, especially when you have a headache or are having a bad day yourself can make you want to throw down.

We see the worst of each other. We see the weaknesses, the failures, the bad habits, the lazy days, the lack. We see their humanity better than anyone else. Friction is imminent.

That is why it is so vital that we take all of those things, whenever they may arise, & bow them to Jesus… asking God to give you the perspective & strength & peace to extend grace… to bring healing to your heart where sometimes it feels impossible… & by refusing to feed your desire to fuel the fire you feel is so rightfully needing to be fueled in that moment. GRACE.

You Don’t Struggle Alone–Looking to God in Your Marriage

Don’t let Satan trick you into believing your marriage is beyond saving because of these things… that the annoying habits are just “too much,” or that you can’t get past them… or that either divorce or unhappiness is inevitable in every marriage… that “it will be different” in a new marriage….

But also, don’t let Satan trick you into believing that marriage does not require much grace all along the way. Much prayer & submission to God to be the glue & the bridge when rifts threaten to pull you apart for good.

God CAN where you can’t. God CAN do the impossible. Dare to try Him on that. Dare to trust Him more than you trust yourself.

Shine HOPE by giving your spouse grace upon grace & by always remembering to turn to God as your daily hope, wisdom, & strength to hold your marriage together strong & to continue growing your marriage into a better physical representation of God’s great & undying love & grace for us, through Jesus Christ.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for SIX years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Noa Marquise Set (INDIA)

Bundle and Save – Available while supplies last! This beautiful necklace set includes the Noa Necklace and the Chery Marquise Necklace to create a stunning layered look. Each necklace is made by women earning a dignified income in India.

***Purchase the Noa Marquise Set to create safe jobs for women ending poverty cycles in India.***

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Relationships Can Be Hard Sometimes, Can’t They?

If you have ever been in any long-term relationship, or even just consider the family you’re born into (your God-given long-term relationships), you know good relationships take work. They’re not easy.

We can be tempted to look at really happy couples online or celebrities or friends even, & think they must have it all together all the time, but I will tell you this right now… I guarantee you with absolute certainty that they don’t have it ALL together ALL the time.

Because good relationships require that you work on them.

There will be days where you feel at each other’s throats because you’re both in a bad mood. There will be days when you have pretty opposite opinions you both feel very strongly about. There will be days of misunderstandings & hurt feelings. There will be days where past trauma is triggered, even when it has zero to do with that other person.

Strong relationships are definitely worth it… but they’re definitely not always easy.

It All Felt So Easy in the Beginning

Well, we’re no different. Our marriage takes work. It takes loving through each other’s bad moods or bad attitudes, mistakes, & shortcomings. It takes prayer & trusting God’s way forward.

When we were dating, it felt so easy to be together. My husband was waiting on his job clearance & I was working parttime at the church where we met. Low pressure. Low stress. Few obligations &/or distractions. Just the two of us. (Who else sang that just now?)

We spent most of our free time together, not to mention that any church event or service found us side-by-side.

I was still working out my commitment fears as for a potential future together, but in each individual moment together, it felt easy.

We laughed a lot together. We had fun. We were silly & ridiculous. We went on long walks, played card games & board games together, we went out to eat together, we would sit & just open up about any & everything together. And we prayed together. It felt so easy to be together.

First Few Years?

We got married in May 2012, enjoyed a beach honeymoon in Mexico, & just 3 months later, packed up from our small apartment & moved to Guam.

Our new adventure awaited us as a newlywed couple.

I was wide-eyed & teeming with HOPE for our future together.

I had heard that the first few years of marriage were notoriously some of the hardest to go through, but I thought that was for sure not true for us. We were in love & happy & full of joy & bright expectations.

Bring on the Hard

But reality started to settle in… My husband’s job was demanding of his time & energy. I couldn’t seem to get a job anywhere. Friends were so hard to come by because of certain circumstances–I couldn’t get too involved in anything regularly because with hubby’s schedule, I could potentially miss my only chance to see him that week.

Then the fact that smartphones weren’t as common then.… (We had an international calling plan that allowed a 3-hour window & if my family wasn’t free during that specific 3-hour window, I had no other time to hear their voices or chat.)

I was far, far away from any family & friends. I had a hard time being able to plug in anywhere. My husband worked an insane amount of hours & was always exhausted when home. I couldn’t find a job. I was home… ALONE… all… the… time.

I felt like I had nobody. (Even now as I type, thinking back on that time in my life breaks my heart a little bit & gets me a little choked up because the hurt was very real.)

I had never known loneliness like I felt during most of my time living in Guam back in 2012-2015. From growing up around all my family & long-time friends, to a teeming social life in college, to this…. To say it was hard is a huge understatement. It was like life whiplash.

I Just Wanted to Go Home

Here we were, on the other side of the world from everything we had ever known & the first few years of our marriage indeed got very hard. Not bad, but hard.

My loneliness put pressure on my husband when he was already feeling enough pressure with his job. It seemed easier to argue than I ever thought could be possible for the two of us. It seemed easier to hurt each other than I ever thought could be possible for the two of us. And we never meant to do so, but it happened all the same.

I wanted to run back to my family in the states & pretend that season in my life never began. I wanted to go back to the easy happy. I wanted to go back to feeling I had a place to belong.

And this season lasted for about 1.5 years.

Amazing Things Happen When You Let God be in Charge

I was feeling some resentment, honestly, as wrong as that is. I didn’t know if I could ever get through or past the hurt I was feeling. I felt trapped by the hurts I was experiencing so often back then.

But then, something amazing happened. We started praying about it together whenever the circumstances were frustrating us.

We poured out our frustrations & hurts to God & asked Him to give us wisdom & a way forward… to the togetherness we so enjoyed & that came so easily before.

And you know what? God provided. God showed the way. God broke down walls I had built up in my heart. God eased my tensions. God filled me with impossible peace. God cared & God provided the bridge back.

God AS Our SOLUTION

God taught us how to direct our eyes back on HIM versus any problem that may arise.

He was our solution.

He was our glue.

He was our wisdom.

He was our help.

He was our bridge back.

God Is the Bridge Back in Relationships

What situation are you facing right now that just feels impossible?

What hurt in your heart seems to cloud everything you face?

What circumstance seems unsolvable?

Where in your life feels like there is no possible way forward?

Don’t believe that mumbo jumbo phrase: “where there’s a will, there’s a way.” You can have all the WILL in the world, & sometimes it just won’t do diddly squat.

What you need is PRAYER. What you need is the One Who holds the POWER behind PRAYER. What you need is God Almighty’s HELP. What you need is the grace of Jesus to wash over anything you may come across. What you need is the wisdom & way forward that only the Holy Spirit can provide for you.

When you face even the “unforgiveable,” take a minute to remember what Jesus gave for your “unforgiveables.” His LIFE.

We Need His Help to Forgive & We Need Him in Order to Love Well

What I need is prayer. Every single day. Even writing this today, I am convicted about two relationships in my life that hold some brokenness because of a misunderstanding or difference of opinion & I realize this isn’t just for marriage relationships, but I need to be praying for those relationships & a bridge forward all the same, because God is the solution there just as much.

Don’t let Satan tear apart relationships in your life. Don’t let him have the final say. Don’t let him distort & grow discontentment or resentment. Stand firm against it & PRAY OVER IT! God’s power trumps ANYTHING Satan can try to destroy. So–PRAY!

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” (Ephesians 6:12-13)

Shine HOPE by trusting God to be your bridge back, no matter what seems to threaten your way forward. God. Is. ABLE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty:

February 2024 Hope Mail

FOR A LIMITED TIME – Only available during the month of February! This exclusive February Hope Mail package makes a great gift for any occasion! Receive free shipping on this February Hope Mail package that includes our Midnight Tassel Bracelet from Uganda, Midnight Raffia Earrings from India, and our adorable Darkest Night Sticker mailed in a stylish Fashion as a Force for Good envelope.

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Confirmation Didn’t Erase My Fears

So, now I was official with this guy & I was totally panicky, too.

Sure, I knew God had confirmed it one way or the other, as I had asked of Him, but that didn’t take my fear of commitment away.

I was looking over my shoulder at every turn, so to speak… constantly wondering if maybe it was meant to be temporary & trying not to get too attached or lead him on or anything that could lead to any hurt whatsoever.

… Keep in mind that the one time previously I had ever fallen in love… once I was ready to consider marriage, God gave me a big “NO” I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand it because I hadn’t felt such a clear NO in my heart until AFTER I had fallen for the guy… so NOW, I did NOT want to allow that to happen again.

I was scared.

How am I Supposed to Know?

I also had words of others’ fears & heartaches floating around mercilessly in my brain: “Don’t get married unless you know that you know that you know that you KNOW!”

How was I ever supposed to KNOW? I can’t predict the future! Nor can I read minds!

This was just the worst. In a relationship… but too scared to enjoy said relationship because I was too scared to ever let my guard down & feel anything.

But, to be clear, I was pretty straightforward in my honesty during our dating relationship. I didn’t hide any of this from him, but prayed about it & spoke about it honestly.

This had to be God-led or I was out.

By MUCH Prayer…

So, instead of breaking up with him to protect either of us from hurt, I leaned on God & trusted for Him to guide me along the way through MUCH prayer.

I took it all to Him. I prayed, asking for confirmation throughout our relationship, just to make sure I was following His lead over my heart or my fears.

And God was so faithful to me every step of the way in my seeking His wisdom & reassurance.

There would be times I would pray about a very specific character trait I had learned I needed in a future spouse… things God had taught me. So, knowing He had taught me I needed them, I would ask Him to show me whether Jamie held these character traits, or at least the potential for them later down the road.

And every time, after praying silently & not sharing those requests with a single soul, Jamie would STILL somehow bring it up the very next time I spoke with him, as if he had read my mind or as if God had put him on a three-way call when I prayed.

God was faithful. He kept reassuring me. He kept leading me.

No Touchy

And one way God helped me know what was His lead versus my romantic daydreamy self leading, was by impressing upon my heart to give up any & all physical affection, to include even an arm around the shoulder or holding hands.

Maybe this seems a bit much to you… too much to ask… too extreme or unnecessary… but I knew that it was what I needed. I was too prone to slap those rosy glasses on the second a guy I liked put his arm around me or wanted to hold my hand, etc. IE. “*SWOON* We’re going to get married & have 3 babies &…. etc.” (You get the picture. It was pathetic but true.)

I didn’t want my very overly romanticizing heart to yank the reins from God’s hands & take over the second my heart swooned. It had to be for sure God-led or I was OUT.

I wanted God to have full control over the direction of our relationship & I didn’t want to ever risk clouding that discernment with romantic ideals & daydreams based on imaginings versus reality… feelings versus facts.

The Key? God Would Continue to be There to Help No Matter What

I never thought I could ever be sure about a guy. There were too many unknowns to account for… that I could never be able to account for because life is unpredictable…. How would I ever know?

But driving back from when my now husband eventually proposed, 7.5 months after our first date, I felt surer than I had ever felt about anything… because, as Jamie put it, “even though marriage holds a lot of unknowns & we can’t predict the future… he would be right alongside me through it all & God would be there to guide us no matter what came our way.”

No marriage will ever be perfect. God wasn’t wanting me to wait for a non-existent Mr. Perfect.

What He did want is for me to trust Him to know better than me on who would be a good fit for me. Not just with who I am, but who He will grow me to be… what our future held…. Not that the future would then be perfect, but that God would be right there with us in the imperfect.

Letting God Lead in My Dating Life

That really summed it up for me. Knowing God had consistently given me confirmation when I had asked for it…. Knowing God had given us both peace that wasn’t led by emotions first…. Knowing God would still be with us to help us through every hard season we would ever face.

God had us… & that is how we knew we could be confident despite the unknowns our future together held.

I had always rushed in head-first to every relationship in my past, so ready & desperate to feel loved & wanted… but the fears that consumed me had always caused me to run right back out of them even quicker than they had started the second the “L” word was even HINTED at.

But this time, I didn’t run in… I waited on God’s lead.

And I didn’t run back out… I trusted in God’s lead.

And even almost 12 years into it, I am not running out of it, because I know that no matter what we may face, God will be that same lead & same help through it every step of the way.

Who Are You Trusting to Lead You?

Does a fear of the unknown cripple you? Do you worry about making big decisions because you don’t know what the lasting consequences will be? Do you stay where it feels safe? Do you try to protect yourself the way that you know how?

Do you rush in, sure of your own abilities or assessments? Are you reckless with love or decisions in your life thinking it’s up to you to make the call?

Pray about it. Ask the God who KNOWS & doesn’t have to guess. Trust He cares enough about you to do as He promises & will provide wisdom as well as guidance in life.

What God Says About It

“Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7)

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5)

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

He even tells us, straight up, not to trust or rely on our own understanding, but on His, through prayer.

Let God Lead… Trust He WILL Lead

Trusting ourselves can look like plowing ahead without consulting Him, but it can also look like staying where you feel safe & not trusting Him to be able to adequately lead you to your liking.

I’ve done both. I DO both sometimes even still.

But each time I am reminded that I really can trust Him… & I need to trust Him.

Shine HOPE by trusting Him when you just don’t know… & even when you think you’re absolutely, positively certain.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Heart Drop Earrings (INDIA)

These beautiful double heart drop earrings are handmade in India by women earning fair wages for their work. These earrings feature a gold-tone heart stud with a dangle heart pendant, to create a sophisticated fair-trade fashion statement.

*****Every purchase creates safe jobs with fair wages in areas of extreme poverty where vulnerable women are often exploited by sweatshops.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

The Beginnings of a Beautiful Friendship

So here I was, a new employee at a church, met maybe the only young single guy at said church, tried avoiding him so I wouldn’t risk hurting him… & then he friends me on social media. (Catch up on this story in Chapter 14.)

I must admit that he was really likeable.  I couldn’t help but want to be friends with him. I enjoyed his company (still do). He was considerate & friendly & he made me laugh. There was no flirtation… just kindness… genuine kindness. It was refreshing.

… It was refreshing & it was hard not to like him.

We quickly & easily started to become friends after many a long conversation through private messaging, chatting about the most random of things & just hanging out in the most ordinary of ways, carefree & lighthearted… but soon came the dreaded private message: him asking me out on a date.

Cue the Panic

I still remember my face flushing & going numb. I remember the panic setting in. I remember kicking myself again & thinking that this was the very reason I had tried to avoid him to start with. I did not want to be more than friends. I did not want to risk breaking anyone else’s heart. I did not want the stress of agonizing over whether I liked him because it felt nice to be liked or whether it was more.

Liking a guy always turned into a whirlwind of: “Do I really like like him? Or am I just enjoying feeling flattered? Is this something God is leading? Or do I just want it to be something God is leading? Am I using him to feel good about myself? Or is this real? Does he actually like the real me? Or just the image of me he has in his head? Am I going to end up changing my mind & then breaking his heart? Will he?” It was exhausting!

I liked it when it was just long chats on social media & laughing, easy-going, harmless fun. Asking me on a date felt like an arrow shot right through all of that.

But Then… I Prayed…

But again, as I do when I panic, I prayed & asked God for help in what to do–wisdom…. AFTER I cried & decided to pretend I never got his message, hoping to respond after the fact…. Except, he tagged me in the comment section of something funny later that night & I laughed so hard I had already replied to it before I could stop & remember that I was supposed to be pretending not to see any notification pop-ups from him. Oops.

And, quick-thinking him decides to call me out on it immediately & ask if I saw his OTHER message.

So, I prayed AGAIN & God reminded my heart that in praying about possible future relationships the past few years, I had promised God 1. that I would go on 1 date with a guy if he had the guts to ask me out without any flirtation on my part & 2. that I had agreed to trust God with my future relationships… not my fears.

I still tried to get out of it anyway, but Jamie outsmarted me at every attempt & I finally relented & agreed to go, despite my very real anxieties.

Our First Date

The day of our first date, my mom found out I was going out “with a BOY” & made me to agree to letting them meet him. (On a first date!) But he handled it graciously when he arrived even in having to meet the parents straight away… as I tried so desperately to slink into the shadows & become invisible.

And let me tell you… something so strange happened as we set out on that first date…. With all of my nerves & anxieties & questions for God & not wanting to end up hurting this nice guy… as soon as he opened the door & I slid into my seat… I felt this overwhelming feeling of belonging… like I was meant to be there… like I was home.

Our first date was dinner & a movie & he was a total gentleman every step of it… even with me putting my foot in my mouth pretty majorly at one point. So embarrassing. But he was forgiving & gracious & we carried on with our evening. We had an effortlessly great time.

Then the Walls Come Crumbling Down

That first date was December 10, 2010, & in our online chat afterwards, he told me he had been hesitant to ask me out because I seemed so set on avoiding him & because he didn’t feel he was in a mindset to pursue anyone seriously, but that he really felt God relentlessly nudging him to talk to me & then eventually to ask me out. As if God were saying: “are you going to do this in my timing? Or yours?”

NOT what this skittish, not-sure-I’m-ready-for-commitment-yet girl wanted to hear AT ALL… launching me into an all-out dumping fest of all my past heartbreak on him that night. I was a crying, blubbering, fearful, panicked mess. (Luckily, I was talking to him online, so he didn’t know just how much of a hot mess I was.)

And I told him ALL of it. Every heartbreak. Every fear. All of it. Literally just backed the dump truck of emotions up to him & dumped it all out on him. As if to say, “this is why you should avoid me!”

The 3 Month (Week) Rule

With all my dumping of fear on him, praying for God’s help amidst all my poorly handled fear, I decided to have him agree to give me 3 months with no mention of relationship or affections or romance or anything related... 3 months before he was allowed to ask if we could officially be a couple. We could go out on dates, but strictly as friends–no HINT of romance was allowed. 3 months for him to think objectively about it & pray for God’s will in it… & 3 months for me to pray about it & think objectively through God’s leading versus my fears.

And when we signed off our chat that night, I cried & prayed some more. I was so scared of reliving falling in love only to crush the person I loved. I never wanted to do that ever again. I needed God’s wisdom & leading. I needed His help.

So, I prayed. And I said something like: “God, I am so scared. I do not want to go through that again. I am just now starting to move on from the last time my heart broke that way. Please spare me from living that again. I can’t do it. Please help me. He seems so nice & I am so scared of accidentally falling for him without Your lead & then having to leave & hurt him if it’s not Your will. How do I know if this is Your will? How do I know what to do? I need to know whether this is of You, because if I am not certain, I don’t want any part of it. Please help me. I know I told him 3 months, but I need to know how to tell whether it’s You or not, so if this really is of Your leading & it honors You, help Him to be willing to scare me off & lose me in order to follow YOUR leading in his heart. Help him to ask me to be official in 3 WEEKS, before January 1 strikes, & I will know it’s You. If he is willing to risk losing me to follow & honor Your lead, I will know it’s You & I will trust You. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

This was my Gideon moment. (Judges 6:36-40) I was scared, but I wanted God’s will above my fear… but I had to KNOW for sure it was God’s will before I was willing to walk into scary territory.

Will He Ask Me?

Well, we had a second date. We still chatted online. We saw each other at church… & true to his promise, Jamie didn’t push it… he kept it just friends, just kindness… no flirtations or mentions/pressure of real commitment as an official couple… just friendship only.

But January 1 was creeping up quickly & still no mention.

Then our 3^rd date came to a close on December 31, as he pulls into my parents’ driveway to say goodnight… & still no mention.

This was where I was thinking to myself, “Ok God, I hear You. I guess this is my answer… to keep it as just friends… I guess if it’s a not-meant-to-be-YET type thing, You will confirm that to me at a later time some other way…. I guess this is my answer for now.”

And then… breaking the silence in the car before I stepped out of the car, Jamie speaks up, “I don’t know why I feel like I need to say this, but I did what you asked & I started praying about this… about us… & I got my answer after a few days, but I have been waiting the 3 months because that’s what you asked for & I have been trying to respect that. But then tonight, I can’t help feeling this pressure that I am supposed to say something TONIGHT.”

And so he did. Just hours before January 1 struck.

I didn’t pray that “3 week versus 3 month” prayer out loud & I didn’t tell a soul about it either because I didn’t want ANY doubt it could be anything other than God’s response & here we were… December 31… just a few hours before January 1.

Dating with Caution

That is how our dating story began. I turned to God, wanting His will & asking for His guidance & I became Jamie’s official girlfriend that night. I had no idea where this was heading & the fear did not go away with that huge answer to prayer.

But there was no denying that somehow God was leading us together & giving His blessing.

God had a plan I could not see. But He could see it. And scared as I was, I knew I could trust that plan.

We Can Always Trust God’s Plan… & for Him to Guide Us as We Seek His Will in Life

Is God calling you to something that scares you? Maybe breaking up with a guy you care about because the relationship doesn’t honor God but you really love feeling loved? (Read about my experience with this in Chapter 6.) Maybe being with a guy even though you’re scared of commitment? Maybe being single when all you’ve ever wanted is to get married? Maybe it’s loving your husband who seems unlovable at the moment when the rosy glasses have come off & life is hard?

Maybe it has nothing to do with relationships, but God is nudging you to let go of something or step forward in something you’re either scared to give up or scared to move forward?

Do you trust God knows more than you do? Do you trust God to help you through that? Do you trust that God truly cares for you?

Take a minute to confess to him anything that comes to the surface right now & ask Him to forgive you… & ask for His help in stepping forward in honoring & pleasing Him, even when it’s hard or scary.

Shine HOPE by always trusting God’s lead, even when it’s hard.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Love Coin Purse (INDIA)

The Love Coin Purse from India is hand beaded by women in India able to earn fair wages for their work. With its sweet, adorable soft pink color and “Love” motif, the coin purse also features a beaded rosy-pink heart, cotton lining, and zippered closure.

*****Every purchase supports women in areas of extreme poverty.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Setting the Stage

I have told this story more times than I can count. It’s a story of a scared girl meeting a sweet boy & how they both allowed God to lead every step along the way… eventually.

After I graduated college, now being 26 years old (I started college late), I went through that first summer after graduating, as I mentioned in the last chapter (Chapter 13), & when my debt was finally paid in full, I finally got a call about a job that I felt some measure of peace about.

But this was not the job I wanted. I wanted to work with a big church that had a thriving outreach ministry & I wanted to essentially be an apprentice to someone who led said outreach ministry so that I could learn from them.

Not the Type of Job I Wanted… But the Job God Chose

This particular job, though, was for a small church, 40+ minutes away (more, depending on traffic) & they didn’t even have an outreach ministry.

This job was also recommended to me by a longtime friend who worked there, but it was mentioned that the job was not yet available & that they didn’t know quite when it would be available.

Well, as I do with all decisions like this… I prayed & asked God for wisdom. I mostly wanted confirmation to hold out for what I wanted… thinking maybe that was another reason God had said “no” to every other job potential.

But, I asked God: “God, even though this isn’t what I want… I really want what You want… so, if this is of You, please confirm it to me & I will move forward with it, even if I don’t particularly want to. If this is of You, help the job to surprisingly become available by next week & let me get a call updating me as such.”

My friend called that very next week. The job was available sooner than expected.

God Always Has a Plan… Even When I Can’t See It

I cried from disappointment when we hung up from that call. I had felt that God had not only held out on allowing me to move forward with any job opportunities for the sake of teaching me to trust His provision… but also because I believed He was holding out for me to find my dream job.

This was not my dream job.

Later on, I updated my mom & told her how this isn’t what I pictured & how I felt like God was confirming it but I wanted something different. But my mom reminded me that if I knew God was leading it, it’s what I needed to take.

I Loved the Job I Hadn’t Wanted

The interview itself filled me with so much reassuring peace as well… I knew it was God’s nudging confirmation to my hesitant heart.

So, after the job was eventually offered… I accepted… not having any idea of what God had in store for me in this very small church 40+ minutes away with no outreach ministry from which to learn.

Training went well. I loved the staff. I felt like I fit in & was part of the team right away. The attendees/members were so warm, welcoming, & friendly. I liked my job.

There He Was… The Warm Welcome… & the Panic That Followed

And on my first Sunday, after being introduced as the new staff member of the church, so many lovely people came to welcome me & thank me for filling in this position at their church. It was warm & wonderful.

The church was a pretty large majority of senior citizens back then, but there was one young man who came straight up to me after the service, extended his hand in greeting, & welcomed me with open kindness.

His name was Jamie.

But, after my last run-in with love, I was not interested in 1 girl + 1 boy = new relationship, so, I pretty noticeably & uncomfortably avoided him immediately following that first initial handshake & greeting, staying on the other side of the room as him as much as possible when we were both in attendance for anything at the church. I would give a polite, but not inviting, smile if we ever accidentally made eye contact, but that was it.

I Slipped Up with a Confident Stride

Then, one day, a little over a month after I had started working there & attending that church, we had a staff meeting scheduled after that morning’s fellowship brunch… so, as everything was cleaned up & some were just lingering to chat, I decided to go to my office for some card games on my computer to pass the time before we could begin.

And, as I strode confidently into my office, (also the front office of the church)… there… sat… Jamie… in my office.

My stride was confident & intentional, & although I stopped in my tracks upon seeing him there, a quick mental calculation confirmed it was far too late to turn back now without proving my avoidance to be certainly intentional.

AKA without being rude.

And as staff… I didn’t want to be rude. I had slipped up.

Trying to Save Face… & Failing

So, I regathered myself quickly & decided to play it cool, headed straight for my desk, logged in, turned on a game (with my screen turned away from his chair), & proceeded to act very, very, VERY busy… much… FAR too busy to interact with ANYONE.

But that was no deterrent for this friendly young man. No. He started up small talk right away, while also explaining that he was awaiting a ride.

I politely replied & doubled down on my “I am so serious & so busy right now, you can’t even IMAGINE” face.

It did nothing to faze him. Soon he was SCOOTING his chair ACROSS THE ROOM up to my desk so that we could better chat while he waited.

I was inwardly clenching my jaw & (inwardly) making the face as if to say, “come oooon.” (You know, that face you make when you widen your eyes & look up at nothing in particular while sticking your chin out, clenching your jaw, & tightening your fists with exasperation? That face.)

But, outwardly I just smiled politely through gritted teeth. My plan was failing.

Admittedly, It Wasn’t a Bad Conversation… It Was Actually Quite Nice a Conversation

But soon he made me laugh & I couldn’t help but smile (unwillingly) for real.

He was nice… polite… kind-hearted. He was nice to talk to & genuinely friendly. He wasn’t trying to impress me or flirt with me. He was just being good company while we both waited in my office for different reasons.

But I didn’t want to be his friend. I didn’t want to risk making him think I was interested in anything beyond friendship. I didn’t want to hurt him.

But I did allow myself to slip into friendly conversation. I did. He was just so easy to enjoy talking to.

Haunted by Regrets of My Past

And later that night, I kicked myself hard as I received a social media friend request from him. This was exactly what I had been trying to avoid with all of my avoiding him.

I didn’t want him to enjoy my company. I didn’t want to be tempted to soak up all the attention & grow feelings for him only to hurt him later like I had done before with guy friends from my past. I didn’t want to break his heart. I didn’t trust myself enough not to.

My pattern was so predictable. I was so desperate to feel worthy of love & attention, coupled with being an absolute romantic… one smile made me dream of a wedding to come.

But jumping headfirst into a relationship before consulting God always ended up with me realizing I had acted selfishly & had to make things right & let them go… only, with the first time I fell for a guy for real… I wouldn’t let go… & I hurt him bigtime in the process, which I never meant to do. I didn’t want to do that ever again & I didn’t trust myself not to do it again.

But I didn’t want to be unkind either, so I accepted his friend request. Little did I know where that little friend request would lead me….

Letting My Fears Trump My Trust in God

Obviously, at this point in the story, I am not really trusting God with my love story. Well… in a way, I am… in the sense that I am not chasing after every bit of attention to see if maybe, just maybe, there could be a love story there to be had….

But I was also self-protecting, acting out of fear versus trust in God. I was so worried about hurting another guy in the way I had done in the past that I wasn’t even willing to be friendly. I was basically trusting my own methods versus trusting God to guide me.

And don’t worry, it gets worse before it gets better. But God knew what He was doing & God was patient with my fears. He was kind & gentle the whole way.

How About You?

Have you been hurt in the past? Have you built up your walls? Have you figured out a plan to protect yourself or others from getting hurt?

Are you trusting more yourself or God to protect your heart?

If you feel that clenched-fist feeling, then please… unclench your fists. Take a deep breath. And ask God to help you trust in Him each day rather than your own methods/walls of protection.

Ask Him to help you follow HIS lead versus furiously trying to keep up with your own rules. Let Him lead.

Shine HOPE by trusting your unknown future & your known past hurts to a God that can perfectly handle both.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for over FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Island Twilight Hoops (HAITI)

Make a fair-trade fashion statement with these totally unique, ethically made hoops from Haiti! These beaded Island Twilight Hoops feature black, cream, and gold seed beads to create a gorgeous hoop earring handmade by women in Haiti able to earn a dignified income.

*****Every purchase of these stunning earrings helps provide these Artisans with safe jobs, fair wages, educational resources, and counseling.*****

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

No Longer Compromising to Be Loved… But Still Feeling Unworthy of It

So, here I was, learning that I didn’t have to try to fit in or be cool to feel okay with myself (read about that in Chapter 5), but that didn’t mean the insecurities were all gone… I just no longer was foolish enough to believe that compromising on God’s design was the solution to my problem.

I still struggled with my appearance. I still wanted to be accepted. I still felt that I was a lesser choice because of how I looked & that I was too annoying…. I just was no longer willing to play a part to try to solve it.

But I still feared that I may never be enough to be loved.

He Was There, Standing Across the Room

In comes a new guy in my life, back about maybe 20 years ago.

I had been friends with some people who went to a college about 30-45 minutes from me & would visit campus to hang out with them on occasion. I felt included & grown up & cool as a fresh out of high school teenager hanging out with friends at their college campus. All grown up.

And one day, I saw him… he was standing across the room at a parent welcome-to-campus party, cup in hand, waiting in line to get a slice of pizza. We locked eyes, like in a movie, & I felt like my heart melted instantly.

I knew I had to know him.

Smitten

Soon, he was offering to get me a soda & I was dancing in my head.

And that’s how it began. I was smitten, & he expressed that the feeling was very much mutual.

Pretty much right away, we became the dynamic duo, spending all of our free time together.

I visited campus so much more than I ever had before & he would drive to see me at home as well. We were inseparable. We instantly hit it off, effortlessly.

There Was One Little Problem

The only problem was that he was not a Christian. He didn’t trust in Jesus with his life & his eternity.

Why is that an issue, you may ask? Well, all of my decisions were usually filtered through prayer, through seeking God’s thoughts on things… & if I were to marry this man, I would need to submit to the decisions of someone who did not seek God as His guide in life…. Who did not seek God’s glory as his motivation in life.

I thought that maybe I could help change his mind, but what happened was that to smooth things over & avoid uncomfortable disagreements, I started to keep my mouth shut, which in turn led me to not bring God into everything as I once did.

I was compromising again for the sake of peace in our relationship. I loved him too much to let go.

I Was Accepted & Cherished & Loved… & I Didn’t Want to Let That Go

But, it was too late. I had already fallen hard for this guy. For the first time in my life, fat & all, I was accepted & cherished & loved.

God used his love for me to show that I was capable of being loved just as I was, flaws & all… insecurities & all… & in turn, showed me how God could love me flaws & all, too.

Sure, I may have dated other guys who loved me, or thought they did, but it was all during the time when I was trying to be what I thought everyone wanted me to be… I didn’t feel freedom to just be me & have that be enough, even bad days or days when I was feeling grumpy or crabby or nonsocial—not that they couldn’t have loved the real me, but rather that I never had given anyone the chance to do so before this particular relationship.

It felt so refreshing, so freeing to finally feel available to be myself & nothing more… & to feel loved in it. Before this man, I truly doubted that was even possible. I thought surely, if I were to reveal my true heart on bad days or if I were to be a less than ideal girlfriend, anyone dating me & seeing that would obviously see the truth & want out eventually… it felt inevitable.

I Truly Felt This Was a Once-in-a-Lifetime Thing

I had a commitment phobia. A fear of letting myself believe I was loved only to eventually see them turn & walk away because they realized I really am too ugly, or too fat, or too gabby, or too boring, or too lame, or etc. etc. etc. Either too something or not enough something.

But, I was letting him love me. I was letting someone love me. I was believing I could actually BE loved. This was HUGE!

A once-in-a-lifetime thing is what it felt like.

But… The Wall

I knew I wanted to marry him. I had never been so sure about that before. I always had doubts somewhere.

And that was the thing… I realized the doubts were there… they were just not about whether I was truly loved or whether I truly loved, but rather whether my marrying him would honor & please God Almighty.

But I was already in love. So, my prayers to God were more like begging than asking… More about WHEN than WHETHER.

And every single time… the only, singular response I ever got to my seeking of answers was like a brick wall too high to climb… complete lack of peace.

As if God Himself were the guard standing between me & the man I loved, saying, “thou shalt not pass.”

Just a Giant “Not Right Now”?

So, I figured it just meant “not right now,” & that if this guy accepted Jesus, well then everything would surely be a green light. I thought I would just be a light & pray for him & then God would give His blessing… that it was surely, merely just a giant “not right now,”

But my compromises grew instead of my light shining any brighter. I wanted to keep the peace & not start anything… so I stopped bringing up anything having to do with God & because I spent most of my time with him… I stopped really turning to God, too.

I kept asking. I kept getting the brick wall as a response.

I would grit my teeth & ask again, determined not to let go of the only person I felt really knew me & actually loved me the way he did. I trusted & loved him & I wasn’t willing to let that go. He was my security blanket that someone actually loved me.

That someone actually COULD love me.

But God kept saying no. I dragged it on so long that this man knew I was wrestling with it but that I wouldn’t admit it. He started to withdraw. I started to cling.

I cried a lot. I begged God a lot.

But God said no.

And He Wasn’t Even the Only One I Hurt…

And eventually, I had to let him go or risk hurting him beyond all the damage my delays had already caused… my holding on & refusing to let go.

It broke me. Hurting him like that broke me. I mourned our relationship for about 5 years it broke me so deeply.

I locked away my heart & had thrown away the key after that. I never wanted to hurt someone I loved like that ever again. I never wanted to believe in love & have it ripped away like that ever again.

And as the cherry on top, I ripped the heart out of a dear friend who cared about me more than I knew, who pursued a relationship with me, only to have me go back to the man I loved in the middle of all of it, thus humiliating & crushing my dear friend in the process. He had been only kind & I was so desperate to believe that it could work with the man I loved that I was willing to crush another man who had only been the dearest of friends to me.

Two heartbreaks in one… three if you counted my own.

I swore off ever making that mistake again.

God Had the Key from Then On

Unless God were to provide the key, to make it clear it was His move, not mine… I was not willing to ever jeopardize the heart of someone I cared about again. (No wonder I made it so hard for my now husband to pursue me. I was so desperate not to ever make that same mistake ever again.)

The day I said goodbye to that man was the day I accepted not knowing whether I would ever be loved like that again, or whether I could ever love like that again.

And I never told him why, either. I let him hate me because that seemed far more favorable than ever giving him reason to hate the God who loved him more than he could ever comprehend… Who gave His Son, Jesus, to pay the debt he owed Him.

My feelings were strong & sure, but I knew, deep down, that God would always know better than me & as much as it broke my heart… I wanted to trust God more than I trusted myself… to recognize & hold firm to the fact that God will always know best, even with love.

Today, I Know, But Then, I Didn’t

I couldn’t understand why God would let me fall in love, only to rip him out of my life. That fact haunted me for years to come & the grief would sometimes catch me completely off guard after hearing a favorite song of his or seeing a movie we saw together, etc.; & would send me into pools of tears long after this man had no doubt moved on with his life.

Today, I have hindsight bias… because today, I can see who I am married to & that I am loved & that I love. But I didn’t have that luxury back then.

For all I knew, my one chance for that opportunity was sacrificed in order to honor & obey God, by giving Him something I had coveted my whole entire life—an opportunity to feel truly loved just as I was.

I didn’t understand, but I knew that somehow, God did.

And I was at least grateful for the reassurance that however hard I was on myself in my feeling unworthy of love, God had granted me an opportunity to see that I could very well be loved & to love in return. What a blessing that was to me, even in the midst of all that hurt.

A Love Story for Another Day

I am now married to my husband, Jamie. I believe wholeheartedly that God set aside my love life to be reserved for him… that God has a plan in bringing us together. And I am grateful to God for that beyond measure.

But that love story will have to wait for another chapter… another day.

God Knows Best… Even with Love

Maybe you don’t have the luxury of hindsight bias right now. Maybe you’re so in love but feel a tug of hesitation on your heart that you just can’t shake… but the fear that this is your one chance to be truly loved is crippling you from letting go.

Pray. Be willing to trust God to know better than you… to trust that He loves you enough to say no to what you’re too scared to let go of… that He is looking out for you.

Maybe you feel you made the wrong choice & didn’t wait “long enough for God to work.”

Pray. Be willing to trust that God can redeem. God can rescue. God can heal. God can lead. God can strengthen. God can give wisdom. Trust that God can make a way where there is no way.

Maybe you feel imprisoned by your yearning to feel that you can be loved just as you are. You feel like you are destined to be alone forever because you feel it’s all you’re good for.

Pray. Be willing to trust that God knows what He’s doing. God doesn’t make mistakes & that includes you. God has not forgotten you. God has perfect timing. God is sufficient in ALL things… even this… even with love.

Shine HOPE by determining to obey God, even when it doesn’t make any sense to you, even when it feels it will render your heart unrepairable. Trust Him even then. Because let me tell you… God knows best… even with love.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

This blog/website has been running for FIVE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

November 2023 Hope Mail (HAITI & INDIA)

Who do you know that would love a beautiful package filled with hope in their mailbox? This exclusive November Hope Mail package makes a great gift for any occasion! Enjoy free shipping on this November Hope Mail package that includes our Joyful Nativity Ornament from Haiti, Sari Hope Hoops from India, and our Joy to the World Sticker mailed in a stylish Fashion as a Force for Good envelope.

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

Apologies Aren’t Easy

I am a stubborn person. I am also proud.

I struggle admitting wrongs…. And I justify this to myself because my wrongs are usually not intentional.

Maybe I’m tired & feeling overall just more critical of others.

Maybe I’m emotional & someone triggers a hurt or an insecurity tucked deep inside.

Maybe I am having a day filled with a series of unfortunate events & you are the last straw & therefore receive my pent-up frustration & anger that had been mounting throughout my day.

But I fool myself in the aftermath… “they know I’m tired, they get it…,” “they shouldn’t have said that to me to trigger that response…,” “they knew my day was rough, why did they have to make it even harder for me?”

… “They should have known better.”

Wronged or Not… I Choose How I Respond (or React)

But here’s the thing.

Maybe they did make my day worse somehow. Maybe they were being careless with their words & not mindful of how they would hurt me. Maybe they were having a bad day too & shouldn’t have taken it out on me…. But…

But, I still have a choice in how I respond.

I should have taken that hurt to God & asked for Him to help me respond in grace, trusting Him with my burdens & with help in my response… but I didn’t… And that’s on me.

Maybe it’s unpracticed to go to God when emotions rise & so I react without much thought, but that’s on me to practice patience, to practice leaning into God instead of taking it into my own hands, responding out of emotion versus God’s help.

Taking Ownership for My Part

Recognizing my part in it doesn’t justify the other person’s actions, but it DOES take personal responsibility for my OWN actions.

I have seen a post floating around the internet saying that we need to stop apologizing & instead THANK the other person, for example: Instead of, “I’m so sorry I’m late,” to say, “Thank you so much for waiting!”

Now, I get it. I understand what they’re trying to say… to show gratitude for the grace given instead of highlighting the negative in the situation.

BUT this needs to be used with discernment because there is a time for both.

If being late, for example, was entirely avoidable & yet I practiced poor time management or just wasn’t making any effort to prevent any wait on their part, an apology… an ownership of that wrong… is necessary. If it was unavoidable, I can maybe stick with the “thank you” since it was not of my own fault, but again… use discernment.

Words DO Hurt

I get it. There are some days that I feel I am at the end of myself & I just CAN’T with my day… & I’m sure it’s that much harder for moms who often don’t get a break & have to keep being a mom despite being at the end of their patience with that day (or that child).

But please hear me on this—ESPECIALLY with small children—THEY WILL REMEMBER YOUR WORDS. And for small children, those words are often internalized & help form their personal identity… & those words will echo in their mind every time they make a mistake, every time someone says something negative to or about them… “Mom said it first & if even my own mother feels that way about me deep down & wasn’t shy about saying it when she was upset, it makes sense that everyone else probably secretly feels that way about me, too….” those words will echo long into adulthood.

When someone reacts harshly & acts unkindly in times of emotional distress, it comes across as what they’ve been thinking all along.

And for children, oftentimes those words become their own inner dialogue, the measure they use to determine if they’re even worth being loved or wanted by others. “If I annoy my own mom enough for her to say those things, it’s only a matter of time before others realize it, too… what can I do to make people like me more & overshadow my bad qualities so they think I’m worth it & won’t leave me or be annoyed with me?”

And oftentimes, those words create a hole that they try to fill in all sorts of ways, trying to prove to themselves that those words weren’t true (or distract from it if they were true). Maybe they compliment or give gifts. Maybe they flirt & show more skin. Maybe they drink & try drugs. It’s all to cover the flaws & be wanted.

Be careful with your words. Bow your raging/swirling emotions to God. Respond with grace. And APOLOGIZE where needed. Because I promise your words DO matter.

Repent, Pray, Apologize

When I refuse to apologize I dishonor & hurt God.

When words hurt others, it causes division, unrest, & pain. And when my pride keeps me from owning up to my part, I am letting the other person hurt, hoping they’ll just forget about it so I can move on freely… just to save face.

But they know. They remember (even if they’ve forgiven you). And so does God.

So please, PLEASE, apologize to your spouse, your child, your friend, & anyone else. Practice turning to God in your distress, anger, frustration, & exhaustion versus lashing out or taking out your frustrations on others.

Make a POINT to apologize. Don’t just move on & hope they understand you were just misbehaving because of a bad mood… because oftentimes it seems more that the truth finally came out & everything else you say could have its sincerity measured by the words you spoke in those times of anger, frustration, or exhaustion.

Repent. Pray. Apologize.

Who Do You Need to Apologize To?

Does anyone come to mind as you read this?

Maybe you’re thinking of your own inner dialogue & hurts & insecurities that you’re trying to parse through yourself because someone you love never took ownership & apologized to you.

Maybe you feel a pang of guilt because you know you’ve done this to someone else…. & you never said “I’m sorry I hurt you because I was hurting. That was wrong & I’m sorry. I should have taken it to God in prayer, but instead, I took it out on you. That was my fault & not yours & I’m sorry.”

Pray about it. Be honest with yourself. Own your part, even if they also played a part. Own your part.

And apologize. Restore the brokenness caused by your carelessness &/or pride.

It’s Never Too Late… Until It Is… Don’t Allow Satan a Foothold in Someone Else

Don’t allow Satan to exploit those reckless words in the heart of the receiver.

Apologize to God & ask Him for the words & courage & the opportunity to restore the wrong you made.

And it’s never too late. Maybe years have passed & you feel it’s too late to go back & resurface that situation. But if they are rehearsing those words in their own heart, you most likely will NEVER know it. They may not even recognize that they are still holding on to it.

So, no matter how long it has been or how justified you feel it was… if you did not respond kindly, with patience, in a God-honoring way… take ownership for your part & apologize for that.

*Oh, the freedom it brings when you apologize! It sets that captive free! It smashes that hurtful, damaging inner dialogue to pieces & prevents Satan from using it any longer in their heart! It sets the captive free!*

The Power of an Apology

I know it’s hard & painful & maybe even embarrassing. It feels icky & doesn’t make us look so great.

It’s humbling.

But honor God by apologizing for your part.

Shine HOPE by recognizing the power of an apology & by releasing the chains you may have unknowingly shackled onto someone else’s heart in your own time of hurting or distress.

Shine HOPE by saying, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, no matter how mad or frustrated I was, it wasn’t right & I’m sorry for taking it out on you instead of taking it to God. Please forgive me.” Restore. Rebuild. Apologize.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out the newly updated Resources & Recommendations page!***)

This blog/website has been running for over THREE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Darling Charms Set (India)

This set of six pairs (yellow tassels & circular, hammered golden plates shown) of versatile & colorful ethically collected bone, clay, & metal charms (pearls not included) are handcrafted in India by Artisans who are committed to fighting child marriage & providing opportunities for women to become financially independent as fair-trade Artisans. Designed to mix & match, create a new look each time you wear them with our Customizable Gold Hoops (shown in photo) or your favorite bracelets and necklaces (Shown: Long Chain Necklace-golden)!

Every purchase supports vulnerable women in areas of extreme poverty in India.

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!

What Is Forgiveness?

Maybe you have heard me mention this before, but I have always struggled with this whole topic of forgiveness.

It’s not that I was trying to hold everything against everyone, it’s just that I didn’t understand it.

So, like most things I don’t understand, I have also been praying about it & asking God to help me understand this better.

Is Saying, “I Forgive You” Enough?

When I say that I didn’t really understand forgiveness, one of the reasons for this was because I couldn’t figure out if I was ACTUALLY forgiving someone when I was meaning to.

For example, I understood that saying “I forgive them,” is not the same as actually forgiving them, try as I might to be a “good Christian girl” & “forgive” out loud, it doesn’t count if I am inwardly seething, secretly rooting bitterness in my own heart.

And, since it doesn’t seem to make all the hurt stop when I forgive someone, I wondered if I was ACTUALLY forgiving them or just WANTING to “do the right thing.”

Forgiving Is Hard Sometimes

Another problem I suffered from was not wanting to forgive someone who seemed to not think they needed it one single bit. Say, for example, someone who I believed to love me but who harshly criticized me, thinking it was justified. (See: “Speak the truth, IN LOVE”—NOT one without the other.) (Ephesians 4:14-15)

“Though I speak with the tongues of men & of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.” (1 Corinthians 13:1)

When someone hurts me intentionally or unintentionally hurts me when in a bad mood (collateral damage) & then thinks because they were upset or because whatever reason, it was okay to hurt me… I really struggle to forgive there, if I am honest.

So, on one hand, I actually struggled WANTING to forgive in those situations, while also not being sure whether I forgave truthfully… because I could still feel the pang of deep hurt in my heart when the topic came up.

“The Unforgiving Servant”

I believe I have already covered not WANTING to forgive others, in my previous blog post: “Dealing with Unforgiveness,” based on the parable Jesus told the disciples in Matthew 18:21-35, in talking about how even if the person who hurt me sees complete justification in hurting me because of a “bad day” or whatever, & even if, in seeing their actions as wrong I want to hold on to it & treat their actions with the contempt it deserves… that God ALSO sees it was wrong, DOESN’T need me to hold on to it for Him, AND can handle the situation & their heart-change MUCH better than I can.

THAT is how we can forgive, even when they aren’t remorseful one single bit. Because we can trust a HOLY & JUST God to handle it far better than we ever could…. AND because He forgave US an even bigger debt that was against HIM.

But, that still doesn’t address the other side to my struggle to understand forgiveness: Is it really considered forgiveness, if afterwards I still feel hurt inside my heart? Can I honestly say I have let it go if I am still hurting?

And God has helped me SO much with understanding this very thing.

God Hears Our Prayers & Leads Us

This last Sunday, we weren’t able to attend church because our pastor was sick & these days, you have to be a little extra careful, so, my husband & I tuned in to my parents’ church online.

Back in June/July, we attended Grace Baptist Church, in Virginia, & had the privilege of listening to the pastor’s series then on the Lord’s Prayer, from Matthew 6:5-15. Well, we weren’t around for the entire series (All SO good–convicting AND encouraging), so this past Sunday, I tried to find where we had left off in that series.

But, in God’s perfect providence, I got the date wrong & selected one we had already heard. And guess what the topic was… Yep: FORGIVENESS.

God knows our hearts & what we need! And HE guides us as we seek Him as our help!

Anyway, ten minutes in or so, we figured it out, but we were encouraged by the message & felt it was good & worthy of the reminders, so we continued on anyway… & boy am I so glad we did!

God is so great. I had ALREADY heard this sermon, & yet it somehow took on new life in my heart this time around. (Much like God’s Word! We may not understand something, but the more times we read it through, as we seek His guidance & growth, the more it is illuminated in our hearts. His LIVING Word! (Hebrews 4:12))

I am so thankful for this, because as I listened, God answered my question of how I could say I have forgiven if I still hurt.

(You can find the first sermon in this series by going to Gracehome.org, clicking menu, clicking sermons, & in Categories, beginning on June 6, 2021– or, click HERE to download this particular sermon that I am referencing today.)

How to Know If Your Forgiveness Is Genuine

The pastor reminded us of what forgiveness IS: forgiveness is canceling a debt, saying they don’t owe you for their wrong against you anymore. Forgiveness is taking a loss. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself & to the other person, by not holding it over their head.

But, in forgiving the other person, not holding their wrong against them as a debt owed you, it doesn’t mean there won’t still be a wound left behind that needs healing.

And how do we heal? We take that wound to God & ask Him to help heal you… ask Him for guidance on how to heal that wound.

So, how do you know if you have honestly forgiven someone, versus just SAYING you forgive them because God TELLS us to forgive others? (Matthew 18:21-22; Ephesians 4:32; Matthew 6:14-15)

Ask yourself: “Am I still holding this against them? Do I still feel like they owe me something for this wrong?”

If you answered, “yes,” then you haven’t sincerely forgiven them.

If you answered, “no,” but you still feel a sharp ache left behind in your heart, then ask God to help you address it & heal from the hurt caused you.

God Heals the Brokenhearted

I get it. There are some hurts that run pretty deep in my heart. And although I can honestly say I am not holding it against them anymore, it doesn’t change the fact that their words left scars on my heart that still ache at times.

But God is our Healer. He is wise & able. I can trust Him to heal me & grow me, to work “all things together for the good of those who love Him & are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28) I can trust Him.

“He heals the brokenhearted & binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)

“…being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;….” (Philippians 1:6)

What Does It Mean to Forgive?

If that hurt cuts so deeply that you really wrestle against wanting to forgive that person, I get that… I really do.

But in that unwillingness to forgive, we need to repent. We need to confess that bitterness to God & ask for forgiveness from Him.

We need to be careful not to become the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18, wanting forgiveness, but unwilling to give it. God forgave us SO MUCH. We DESERVE Hell & yet He offers grace through the SACRIFICE of Jesus on our behalf, who DIED for it (& rose again).

God commands us to forgive because He knows we are forgiven despite being undeserving. And because He knows a lack of forgiveness only causes even more pain.

We can trust His judgements. We can trust His will. We can trust His commands.

But even if we don’t FEEL like we can trust Him, we should still obey because feel it or not, HE IS RIGHT… 100% always.

Shine HOPE by offering forgiveness, even if it isn’t deserved, because God in Christ forgave you.

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

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Customizable Hoops (Golden) (India)

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