I Always Wished for “Childlike Faith”
I have always hated how stubborn & prone to doubts I am naturally. I always wished I could have a childlike faith, but always questioned & always doubted.
I am not a “get it right on the first try” type of person.
And while this prideful attitude of questioning God at every turn has made my life so much more difficult than it needed to be, & while I fail so much & am hard on myself because I recognize how many times I just am not good enough….
I cannot share my vulnerabilities of failures, doubts, anxieties, insecurities, hesitation, & pride without also sharing just how much I have seen God grow me throughout the years.
It may take me longer than most people, but when I finally concede to letting God in & letting Him have His way in my life… I see Him do great things in me.
I’d Say I’m a Slow Learner
It took 2 years of depression, thinking about suicide frequently because of how tormenting my brain was to me, for me to realize that even if I felt I had lost everyone’s support &/or belief in me, had lost my reputation, failed at everything I tried, had no strength or energy or will to go on… even then, He was enough & filled where I felt it was impossible for me to be filled: The deep, dark hole in my life that felt more like a black hole sucking joy consistently out of me each day.
I fought Him & He never gave up on me, even after 2 years of trying my own way to “find happiness.” He knew that every time He tried to prove Himself to me, as I asked of Him, I dismissed it & credited something or someone else. No, He knew He had to slowly strip away every security blanket I had in order to show me that even with those things washed away, HE WAS ENOUGH–that THAT is what it would take to finally shut up the torment of my doubts in Him.
God worked a change in me despite my 2 years of resistance. He never gave up on me.
I Thought I Knew “Who I Was,” But I Was Wrong–But GOD KNEW
And then there was my identity fears that I was never enough, that “no one would be able to stand being married to me because I am too much baggage.” That I am “a burden.”
I didn’t go to God with those hurts & fears as my gut response. No, I dressed for attention & flirted my way into friendships, letting innuendos lead the way. And I got hurt–not entirely my fault, but also was not a complete innocent in the equation, either.
Until I finally cried out to God for help with my identity as “The Flirt,” recognizing finally that if He actually made me, then HE would KNOW who I am “supposed to be.” HE would know how to make me feel whole & content & confident being ME versus the superficial persona I had created for attention.
And again, God slowly, gently led me to no longer want to participate in the raunchy jokes for attention. It seemed fake & stupid. I wanted to be genuinely liked, rather than having people like the FAKE me. It was so scary at the thought of losing all of my friends, but slowly I wasn’t so concerned with that anymore if it meant freedom to just be me & have that be enough.
God worked a change in me through my willingness to let Him (vs. me or anyone else, for that matter) determine TRUTH. He never gave up on me.
God Never Gives Up on Me
It may take me longer than most people, with me fighting to try my own way, “I can do it! Let me try!” But God is patient & kind & ready when I am willing to cry out to Him finally as my help.
I may be a mess & I know sometimes I probably talk about it so much that you’re starting to roll your eyes & think to yourself, “we get it, Michelle, you’re a mess.”
But the story doesn’t end there. I may go from one mess to another, but I don’t stay there because God never gives up on me.
He Pursues My Heart
He pursues my heart, offers gentle convictions, beckons me to just stop trying myself & to just turn to Him finally instead, as my help & as my only true source of hope.
He grows me. He strengthens me. He reassures me. He reinforces the many reasons I have to trust Him with everything. He teaches & guides & leads me… when I finally let Him.
I am a mess at times. It’s true. I will probably keep the eye rolls coming on your end because my failures are mostly guaranteed not to end any time soon.
But don’t miss the vein of GRACE & growth from God that weaves through each & every season & story of my many failures.
He Won’t Ever Give Up on You, Either–That’s a Promise
God doesn’t give up on me… WON’T give up on me.
And He will never give up on you either.
Let Him change you from the inside out. Fail forward, with His grace & His help & His strength.
Let Him be your ENOUGH.
Shine HOPE by allowing yourself to admit failure, shortcomings, doubts, etc., & just cry out to Him… showing the world that no matter the mess you (or they) may be, GOD IS ENOUGH.
And God will NEVER give up on them, on you, or on me. THANK YOU, GOD!
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
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A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts!***)
This blog/website has been running for almost FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
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Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Silver Medallion Necklace (India)
This textured silver-tone chain from India can be worn separately or layered with other necklaces from our One World Collection. The uniquely textured pendant adds the perfect artistic touch. Every purchase provides fair-trade jobs in areas of extreme poverty in India.
In India, poverty often leads to exploitation of vulnerable Artisans in sweatshops. Every purchase provides these Artisans with fair wages, access to healthcare, education for their children, & care for elderly family members.
Purchase this necklace & empower an Artisan in India!
How You Can Help:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!
Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!
