Big Feelings
Have you ever been made to feel like your emotions were a bad thing?
Have you ever felt the need to mask how you were feeling for fear of either burdening someone else, making them uncomfortable, or appearing weak & vulnerable & “lame”?
I have.
I am a girl who feels big. I laugh hard just as much as I cry hard.
The doctor called it a minor mood imbalance. I called it annoying.
Feeling Like Nobody Gets Me
You see, not everyone knows what to do with big emotions. Sometimes you notice them widen their eyes as if to say, “Woooow, okay then,” & other times you see them shifting in their seat, as if they are checking for the closest nearby exit.
And still other times, you will maybe have someone tell you to your face that your emotions stress them out or annoy them. (If this is you, as I have definitely wrestled this, when faced with a person whose emotions stress you out, take a moment to pray & ask God to help you know how to face their emotions in a way that is both loving to that person & also honoring to how God would wish you to respond to that person. God will help you as you lean into Him for help.)
Of course, there are still those people who feel right alongside me & make me feel super comfortable in my skin & if you’re one of those people in my life, I appreciate you so much!
Dancing the Dance
To be honest, this “feeling big” even created fears of long-term commitment, sure that someday my future husband would lose the rosy glasses & wake up to see just how annoying I can be. It was a real fear for me.
I have constantly lived the dance of either masking my highs & lows OR trying to overcompensate for them so I don’t lose my appeal in the eyes of others… which PROBABLY explains why I have the potential for great socially awkward moments—you’re welcome.
These big emotions are probably also why I am prone to depression as well as anxiety attacks, where I just shut down & want to avoid the overwhelming fears that threaten to overtake me completely.
God, Help Me Understand
And lately, after years & years of this dance of masking & overcompensating, I am learning to turn to God in this reality that I have so long considered my biggest weakness.
You see, when I feel big HAPPY emotions, I don’t regret it. I LOVE getting to look at the world with childlike wonder & thrill, soaking in the good moments & really getting to appreciate life in such a full, rich way. What a blessing!
BUT, the opposite, facing such big lows, has felt like the bane of my very existence.
Taking My Hurts to God
Recently, on one of my lows, I began praying & begging God to take away the great hurt in my heart that I couldn’t seem to even understand logically why it would be there.
My prayer was something like this:
“God, why? WHY!? Why do I have to feel so terrible sometimes when I shouldn’t even feel this upset? What is wrong with me? YES, I appreciate the highs & getting to just soak up life with joyful tears, swelling with contentment & peaceful happiness, but these lows are terrible! Why do I have to have them? Why did you make me like this? You must have had a reason. Please help me.”
A Gentle Reminder of a Beautiful Blessing
When I finished my plea & outpouring of my heart to God, I felt a gentle reminder wash over my heart that if I had not experienced those lows in my life, I would never have understood my great need for Him at a young age & I would have missed out on the great peace of learning that I have complete HOPE in Him through every situation in life, big or small.
God reminded me gently, in that quiet moment, that it was because of those lows that I have seen my need to draw close to Him & that I have experienced so much growth in my life as a result.
Wow. What a humbling reminder of a beautiful blessing sprouting from the deep & painful lows in my emotions.
Those Lows Drew Me Closer to Jesus
As you can probably guess, it’s hard having lows that seem to knock me off my feet, but WOW, when I think about ALL of the MANY times that those very lows have drawn me close into the arms of Jesus, allowing me to experience more fully His grace, strength, care, love, & gentle peace… I am left in humbled, grateful awe again of our great & loving God.
You see, my emotions aren’t a CURSE. They’re a GIFT.
Thank You, God
They’re His call to my heart that I need to come back to Him so I can more fully experience His great love & care for me.
They’re His sweet reminder that I am but a human, in need of her loving Creator.
They’re His means of growing my heart in assurance, peace, & strength as my heart learns ever more to lean into Him through all waves of life.
They’re a gift.
Emotions Aren’t Evil… They’re Human
Do I still struggle with vulnerability & thus also struggle trying to mask my emotions, making me socially awkward at times? Yes, yes I do.
Do I still wish for comfort & ease sometimes to replace my big emotions? Yes.
Emotions aren’t evil… they’re human.
Expressing Emotions to God & Remembering God in Them
I am reminded again of the Psalms.
My friend commented on Habakkuk & how rich a book it is, like Psalms but so much shorter & she wondered why more people weren’t talking about enjoying it as much as Psalms.
And it hit me. It’s because Psalms has SO MANY chapters of expressing grief, anxiety, loneliness, anger, fear, etc., with all of its BIG emotions, that I relate to it so well & cherish it so much.
And in them all, the author not only expresses the many emotions to God, but also remembers to praise Him, knowing God is above it all & will always have victory in His great love for us.
Learning to Let Others See Me
Now, when I see someone cry in a movie theater, I envy them & their courage to express the feelings they feel rather than feeling the need to keep them hidden inside & faced alone. I want to learn to have this type of courage of trusting others with my own vulnerability.
I am learning that emotions are okay. And they can be a strength as I turn them over to God & allow them to help me always point to my wonderful HOPE in Jesus.
“God, Thank You for Letting Me Be a Woman Who Feels So BIG”
So, as I grow in this acceptance & peace with my emotions, my prayers have shifted.
“God, thank You for letting me feel so big! For letting me see the world through childlike wonder, soaking up life splendidly. But also, thank You for those lows & how well they draw me into Your loving arms. Help me when my emotions threaten me to allow my heart to be real & vulnerable with others. But also, help me to recognize my own frail humanity in them & to remember how awesome & mighty You are in contrast. Help me to praise You in every storm, pointing others to You constantly as my one & only, true, lasting HOPE. Thank You, Lord for Your intelligent design & for ALWAYS having a plan, even when I can’t see it. Thank You for Your patience, gentleness, love & care. I love You. AMEN.”
Facing Big Emotions
Are you anything like me in this–facing big emotions? Have you always struggled with having them? If so, make an effort to turn to God in them & to recognize your own human frailty in contrast to His infinite power & love.
Ask God to help remind you to turn to Him whenever your emotions get “too big” & allow yourself room to feel those emotions as you lean into Him for support & care.
Shine HOPE. He’s got you, babe. He’s got you.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
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A Note from Michelle:
This blog/website has been running for over TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
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Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Onyx Necklace
Modern hammered brass necklace features 3 genuine onyx drops.
Artisan Information:
The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!
Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!
How You Can Help:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
