Is It Really That Bad?
It’s easy to look at someone else’s situation & think to yourself, “Is it really as bad as they make it out to be, though?” Have you ever thought that?
Regretfully, I have.
Have you ever had someone judge you in that way? Maybe with a chronic illness or migraines or something where others may think you’re exaggerating? Regretfully, it’s a yes for me to this as well.
And to those of you who make conscious effort to give people the benefit of the doubt when you don’t understand or don’t see the validity of someone’s struggle… BLESS YOU.
(Note: If you are a friend who has confided in me, having context & backstory, as friends, makes it less likely I will doubt what you say… but I don’t have that context with people I don’t know very well–& that should make no difference.)
Always Extend Grace
A friend recently said in our conversation that assumptions are never a good idea & that (as I have posted about on here before), even if someone is hurtful to me one day, it could have been a very bad, off day for them & I was just the recipient of outpoured stress. Still not kind or okay, but it may not be their all-the-time view of me. It may just be that they’re stressed & I got in their path.
That’s one reason I believe that God stresses the importance of extending grace to others. You just don’t know what they’re going through. Was it right? No. But I can ask God to help me take my personal feelings out of the equation, have compassion for whatever is causing them to lash out this way, & I can pray for them. Always extend grace.
I’m Not Even 4o Yet… How Can My Body Hurt This Much?
Look, I’m not even 40 yet (although November is coming quickly!) & I already feel like I have the body of an 80-year-old woman.
I get it. I’m aging. The stereotypical jokes after 30 start focusing a lot more on the whole sore &/or creaking back you can get just from standing up from sitting. It doesn’t take much.
But this seems worse to me somehow. Like, commonly I can lean over to wipe a child’s short desk (I am an aide for a class with littles) with a cleaning wipe or PICK UP A PIECE OF PAPER & my back reacts like that “WOAH” wide-eyed shocked emoji. It seizes up with sharp pain & I almost feel as if I’ve gone & thrown my back out from PICKING UP A PIECE OF PAPER. Like, WHAT?!
Trying to Explain Something to Someone That Doesn’t Even Make Sense to Me…
And just like my sudden overwhelm of emotions that send me into sobs for absolutely no reason when hormones are going crazy before a certain time of the month… I have no legitimate cause to offer anyone for these pains.
Like, “Well, I don’t know. I picked up a piece of paper & my back stopped working.”
This is about where I get the slow eyebrow raise like, “you… what now?” And I want to just shrug & say, “Yeah, a piece of paper did this to me. I can’t even pick up a piece of paper that’s lower than table height or my back may decide to stop working. Not a ream of paper or a crate of paper. Just a single sheet. It’s really the leaning down motion that does it.”
Sounds legit.
And lately, when I turn (not even that quickly or forcefully), sometimes my back ribs will pop out of place for a minute, creating a sharp pain & being frozen in place until I can ease it back into place.
My body is falling apart on me, guys.
It’s Like… “I Promise It Hurts?”
And none of it seems legitimate enough to warrant how much pain it can cause me. And it’s also not at all consistent, so that really helps when I am trying to get someone to believe me. Thanks, body. Thanks a lot.
I get it when people don’t get it… when they respond insensitively. I wish I could say I didn’t, but I do. I have made similar assumptions about others based on my own observations & experiences.
Shame on me.
It IS Up to Me to PRAY
It’s NOT up to me to decide whether or not someone deserves my compassion. It IS up to me to PRAY for them regardless of my opinion.
I have been in seasons of my life, like last year, that were unbelievably hard (moving from a place I loved back to a place I opposite-of-loved, with all the preparations & planning falling out from under us each step of the way & just living on a prayer, literally… to then a tumultuous, displaced beginning here where we could not find a home in our budget)... And to some people, I probably looked like a weak person for struggling so much. It probably seemed dramatic & exaggerative… I get it.
And to top it off, my back issues.
I was desperate for a sense of HOME, to feel settled & I really needed compassion. I was a whole lot more vulnerable than is typical. I felt displaced & hurting (physically & emotionally).
I need to look past my view of a situation & be ready to pray. Not judge it’s deserving… just PRAY. God knows their need. God is able to help them. So, I need to pray.
Just PRAY Anyway
Sometimes it really is about-attention seeking for people. Maybe they just really are feeling alone in this world, rejected by someone they love & trust, displaced, a chronic illness, a diagnosis… their world feels like it is spinning out of control. Maybe they put on a brave face so they don’t have to explain their pain to everyone who asks… If someone such as this chooses to share with me their struggle… I ought to pray for them… even if from an outsider’s view it seems “not so bad” because of how hard they fight to hide the weight of their true inner struggle. Just PRAY anyway.
Sometimes they do cry & it seems like all they ever do is cry. Maybe it’s hormones. Maybe it’s depression eating at their sanity… maybe it’s a trial in their life they don’t let known for shame or embarrassment. Maybe they really are just weak-hearted. I don’t know. But it’s not my job to know. It’s my job to care & to pray anyway.
Sometimes pain is obvious & consistent. Sometimes it’s sporadic & hard to see. Sometimes people try to play tough, so when they share, they don’t seem all too shaken up about it. Some don’t bother hiding it. Doesn’t matter. I ought to pray.
Give Others the Benefit of the Doubt… & Pray
The loving, God-honoring choice is to give others the benefit of the doubt… & pray.
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) (emphasis added)
It doesn’t have to appear legitimate for it to be legitimate.
It doesn’t have to appear legitimate for me to show compassion.
It doesn’t have to appear legitimate for me to give it over to God & pray for them.
Shine HOPE by choosing to be kind, caring, & compassionate, even when their hurt doesn’t make much sense to you… & pray for them… always pray for them.
Coming Next Week
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Girls’ Education Necklace-Silver (East Asia/Haiti)
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