Gaining a Sure Foundation

And there it was: I had surrendered my life to Jesus when I was just 5 (“Chapter 1“), gone through a whirlwind of doubts that sent my life into a tailspin, starting in middle school (“Chapter 2“), faced 2 of the darkest years of my life, only to discover that those dark years were a significant & sufficient display of God’s mercy & His truth (“Chapter 3“). All of my doubts on Who the true God were… were squashed. I now KNEW that I knew that I knew that HE was the right & only true choice for hope & heaven.

God had used that dark time to show me that if I had absolutely nothing, but I had Him… I had everything.

Hope was solidified. I was set free from my prison/whirlwind chaos of doubts. I was praising God for the darkness that had revealed Him as the one & only true light of hope. I now had a sure foundation on which to build my life.

A Forever Work in Progress

BUT, even though I had been a Christian (a believer on Jesus Christ as my HOPE from my sin debt to God, for heaven) since I was 5 years old & even though I had now had this magnificent display of God’s sufficiency, authority, & grace through the 2 years of depression being what squashed my years of unstable doubtings… I didn’t become perfect along with it.

I was still human (still am), which means I still made mistakes & had wrong thinking (still do).

Sanctification, the weeding out (by God’s Holy Spirit working in us) of the human nature/fleshly will, actions, thoughts, etc. & replacing them with that which honors & pleases God, is something that will not be completed in its entirety this side of Heaven. I will forever be a work in progress.

And although I strive to lay down or put away from me those things that dishonor or displease God, I am never going to be perfect at it. And the more I grow, the more I see my very real need for Jesus.

Failing Forward

We grow up observing the world around us & drawing conclusions & forming patterns of thinking that we don’t always think to stop & question whether they entirely line up with God’s will & way. That’s why we need His help working in & through us.

There are many instances throughout my life that I could very clearly see that while I would be tempted to drown in the ocean of my recognized inadequacies, God so graciously takes me one step at a time, in His patient, kind, gentle timing.

Sometimes, He didn’t even address the main thing that, looking back on, I would call the more important issue. He knew I am human & am flawed & have flawed human thinking. He took me one step at a time, patiently, kindly, gently. They weren’t the end-all-be-all for Him.

I think at times that I am more pushy with myself than He is with me. It’s as if He has this overarching understanding that “Jesus paid for & sufficient in that inadequacy, too,” that I forget sometimes. It’s just me failing forward.

Not Used as an Excuse When We Know What Is Right or Wrong, Though

Now, do not misunderstand me on this. I am not saying He excuses wrong thinking/actions as “not that bad” or that I ought to not take it seriously in my seeking to honor & please Him with my life because of Jesus covering it.

I am saying: If it is not directly a sin or an act of disobedience against Him, but merely skewed understanding or an immaturity in an issue that I still need to grow in… He is patient in leading & growing me versus, “YOU MUST UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING RIGHTLY RIGHT NOW, OR ELSE!” Sanctification will take a lifetime+ & He very well knows that.

He knows those things don’t change my status of rightness before Him because Jesus’ perfection & sacrifice on the cross covers ALL of my imperfections & inadequacies & lacking. He is my Sufficiency.

But it ought never be used as an excuse to continue on in what He does call disobedience or sin… because that is very obviously NOT honoring or pleasing to Him. It’s disrespectful & mockery to the gift for which He gave His all through Jesus.

Learning to Trust Him Every Day

So, in the months that followed my release from my spiraled depression prison, He spent time building my trust in Him in the day-to-day versus just counting on Him for someday Heaven.

I remember so many little things of this nature, but obviously, even a book series could not cover all the ways He showed up in my life, teaching & guiding me in His perfectly loving, gentle, PATIENT way. Seriously, emphasis on PATIENT because sometimes I feel like God thinks to Himself, “Michelle, how many times do you need to learn this lesson to not have to learn it again?”

I was learning to trust Him every day, not just relying on Him for Heaven someday.

God Wants Us to Know His Character & His Love for Us

Yes, God cares about our obedience. Yes, God cares about our sin. Yes, God calls us to love Him with all we have. Yes, God calls us to honor Him with our choices & do all we do for His glory. Yes, God says to avoid certain things because He knows it will harm us.

BUT, God also cares that we know His character & His love for us just as equally as all of that.

The problem is, sometimes it’s just really hard to marry the two. The tendency is to either focus so much on His call for obedience & holiness that we see God as a bossy, controlling Master, OR, we focus so much on His love that we excuse away our slack choices & wrong behavior/thoughts “because God loves us.”

BOTH are wrong on their own. We need both TOGETHER.

God Wants Me to Know HIM, Not Just One Side of Him

So, after He made it irrefutably clear to me, through those 2 years of dark depression, that He alone is the One, True God, squashing my doubts about His authority, His offered salvation, & His love for me once & for all… He then began to reveal more of Himself to me as I sought to know Him more.

I wanted to KNOW Him, not just casually, but personally. It didn’t happen overnight… it takes a lifetime+ of learning to obey Him & trust Him. (Hint: Obedience Grows Faith.)

And little by little, as I called out to know & love Him more… He lovingly revealed Himself as trustworthy, caring, & kind through small acts of love. Nothing extraordinary… except to me.

A Small Display of His Kindness

There was one instance in particular that stands out to me & it happened more than once.

I would be out shopping, come across a DVD I had been wanting ON SALE, would get excited… & then feel a complete void of peace about buying it.

I would scoff & think, “Oh, what, is this not good enough? Am I supposed to only buy boring movies now? Is this wrong? Nothing in it is really bad because there’s no inappropriateness in it, but I guess it’s not good enough? (I automatically always assumed God was a dictator guilting me away from any & all fun to “prove myself worthy”–the whole problem that led to my depression spiral–can you see how I never seem to learn my lessons the first 10 times?) Maybe I’m just imagining it because it’s not a Christian movie or something. Maybe it’s all in my head. Maybe God doesn’t care. I’ll just get it. No, I can’t… something feels off & I can’t get over it. I’ll just keep shopping, keep it in my cart, & pray about it until checkout time. Then, I’ll decide.”

I would get in checkout, pray one last time, & still feel this wall of “don’t pass” aka a complete lack of peace about it & I would take a deep breath of resignation & say, “Ok, God. You win. I don’t get it, but I know You’re pushing back on this for whatever reason & I don’t want to risk disobedience if that really is the case here, so I won’t get it, okay? I won’t get it.” And I would tell the cashier I changed my mind on the DVD & move on.

God Is GOD. I am NOT… &, He Loves US

A week later? I would find that exact DVD at a thrift store for 50 cents OR a friend would have gotten an extra as a birthday gift & decided to give me the spare–like I said, this happened more than once & this was my thought process each & every time. I’m dense sometimes, I know.

God knew. I didn’t. I accused Him left & right when all He was doing was saying to me, “Michelle, I know everything. You don’t. I see everything in advance. You don’t. PLUS, I care about you. You can trust me, Michelle. I love you more than you know.”

He didn’t address the “whether I should get it” or the “whether it really was the best choice….” To look back & think, “wow, that was not the best choice for me to be making, but He let me make it knowing He is big enough to work through even my less-than-best choices.” God doesn’t jump to guilt trips, manipulation, shaming, etc. He gently, lovingly, & PATIENTLY guides us.

And oh how humbling that is!

He Is Not My Accuser; He Is My Redeemer

He is not shoving all of my shortcomings in my face, but rather, He is gently bringing attention to them one-by-one & walking me through them hand-in-hand, gently & lovingly sanctifying me, even then, all those years ago.

He knows it’s not a matter of my salvation—Jesus paid for that & I already accepted that free gift. Nothing I can do will ever earn & repay that. I am not enough. Period.

He knows it is not a matter of direct disobedience to His Word—AKA “I know the Bible says NOT to do this, but I found a loophole to enjoy it & ‘get away with it.’” That would make a mockery of His gift, a spitting in His face action.

But He is also not at all satisfied leaving me in my brokenness & He will always be diligent in fighting for me through His working in my heart, thoughts, & life. Because He cares too much for me not to.

Same goes for you, too.

Choose Him Today & Every Day After

If you have been rejecting or “putting off” accepting His gift, please stop it. You’re only hurting yourself. He’s worth it.

If you think you would be “missing out” by accepting His gift or living His way, that is a huge, fat LIE. He IS our fulfillment.

Our heart is so deceitful & wicked. We are bent toward sin nature, so it feels natural—because it is! But God is worth our surrendered hearts. He CARES for us & KNOWS what’s best for us. He can be trusted every time.

This was only the beginning.

Seek to Know & Love Him More… & He Will Reveal Himself to You

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7) He longs for you to know Him.

If you struggle to see Him in small moments such as my DVD instances, ask Him. Say to Him, “God, I want to know You like that. I want to trust You more. I want to live through Your help & guidance more so I can please & honor You more. And please help me to do my best to please & honor You even if I struggle. I believe, Lord, help my unbelief. (Mark 9:24) In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Doubting is not an excuse to sin or to live your way over His. Seek Him & You WILL find Him–He wants to be found by you.

Shine HOPE by being a living testimony to the fact that God CAN be trusted & He LOVES us so much more than anyone else ever could.

Coming Next Week

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As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

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Festive Card Set (HAITI)

LIMITED EDITION – While Supplies Last! Send cheerful and unique Christmas wishes to all your loved ones with this set of four festive cards from Haiti with colorful hand-embroidered and printed designs on the front.

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