Thank You for Your Prayers & Patience

I want to thank you for your patience if you were looking forward to my newest blog post being published as scheduled last week. We were just in the states, had a death in the family unexpectedly while there, & had to reroute to Georgia for her memorial service… so I didn’t have my laptop or anything else I needed to work on my blog, as I had been expecting to be home sooner than I was able to. Again, thank you so much for your patience for the missed week. My husband’s Noni is now celebrating eternity in Heaven with Jesus.

A Bad Habit

I have a bad habit of trying to be a people-pleaser. Whether it be boyfriends of days past, friends, family, my husband even, or anyone else really… I want to be liked.

Wanting to be liked is not wrong… it’s natural even… but when it creates compromise, well, then it does become a problem.

So, I take criticisms a little too harshly sometimes. I want to appease. I want to be likeable. And when, despite all that, it fails… well, I don’t always take it too well.

A Healthy Perspective Shift Took Place

When I went to Liberty University for my bachelor’s in Business Marketing, 2007-2010, something with that shifted. My perspective started turning more to how I could live to please & honor God more than how to have everyone like me.

It really lit a fire in me of new confidence. I was on student leadership, led a weekly Bible study, did accountability with the girls in my group, & every class or conference I attended emphasized the true reason we ought to be there—to do our best with the opportunities we’re given so that we may be used by God & give God the glory. The emphasis was always: for Him, by Him, through Him, because of Jesus Christ.

I was no longer burdened with whether or not everyone approved of every little, tiny thing I did… but on whether my actions, thoughts, & words honored God & gave Him glory. It was truly freeing.

I Over-Compensated for What I Felt Were My Many Flaws as a New Wife

But then, I got married a couple years later & that healthy perspective shift began to slip a little in the wrong direction, at no fault of my husband’s–my inner insecurities just were rekindled because I was afraid I could never be enough for someone to stay.

Growing up, my whole life, I never felt like I could possibly ever be loved forever. I was “fat,” talked “too much,” was “annoying,” etc. I just assumed that even IF my personality could be framed to be likeable enough to get married, that I would somehow prove myself insufficient, annoying, or disgusting enough physically to drive said husband away eventually.

Plus, I had never managed a home before, so I was AWFUL in that department. Cooking & cleaning were NOT my strong suit. Basically, add it all up & I didn’t feel I had much going for me wife-wise.

So, I tried really hard to be the best wife ever, even if it wasn’t genuine… even if it was rooted from fears & insecurities—trying so hard to constantly mask over or over-compensate for all the many reasons I felt there were to eventually leave me.

What If I Wasn’t Worshipping “Right”?

And then, I met a group of people that I was meant to look up to who were constantly criticizing my every opinion, choice, or preference.

… My music choices because they weren’t hymns… my clothes because I wore shorts (to my fingertips)… & many other things I had never even considered could ever be framed as doing something wrong or dishonoring to God…. I began to question everything & became so insecure in thinking I never measured up, wondering & worrying constantly whether all this time I had been dishonoring God.

Worried about liking anything or trying anything or singing to anything or listening to anything unless I expressly knew that specific thing was approved by said people. My worship to God became defined AND limited by paranoia & fear of “what if I did it wrong?”

I became paranoid about every decision, not wanting to worship because I didn’t know if it was the “right kind.” Afraid to be creative with my outfits because maybe something was wrong with it. Afraid to speak up because “what if someone didn’t approve?”

There I Go Offending Someone Again…

Then, I met someone who, when I had spoken up about something in the Bible, because I had strongly felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to do so… told me I had bothered someone else & that it’s best if I don’t speak up, not bothering to give me context or opportunity for clearing up said situation for a chance of reconciliation with that person. Cue further paranoia & fear of living out loud for God because I felt like I never did it perfectly to everyone’s liking & approval.

Now, I don’t just speak out willy nilly. Whenever I feel a nudge, I pray about it first because I don’t like making waves. I don’t like annoying people or feeling like it’s “not my place.” But part of the gifting God has given me is being His mouthpiece for truth, even when truth had been intended already or even when truth isn’t popular.

For someone who likes being liked so much, you can imagine how much joy this gift brings me some days. (*sarcasm)

How I Let My Light be Dimmed

All of a sudden, woven in over the course of 10 years or so, I became too paranoid to worship “wrong” & too afraid to speak truth in a public setting, even when prompted by the Holy Spirit & prayed over. Too afraid to sing my heart out. Too afraid to live for God because I felt like I never did it quite right. Insecure in making friends. Insecure in my marriage. Insecure around other Christians. Insecure in praising God even.

I don’t want to live like that anymore. I want to cultivate a heart of worship in all areas of my life, every day. I want to live a life of raised arms, a bowed heart, & giving my everything to God without wondering if I am doing it all to everyone else’s liking. I want my life to be a reflection of living to please & honor Him…. My eyes focused on Him alone as the One I need to please.

I Want to Feel Free to Live for Him as He Leads Me

I want my FREEDOM back. Not freedom to “live how I want,” but a freedom from people-pleasing Christianity. Freedom from trying to be a man-pleaser rather than focused on being a God-pleaser. Freedom from trying to check all the right human-made boxes & instead, live bowing to His lead.

Freedom from worrying whether or not I “worship right.” If the song, or even just my heart, is lifting Him up while bowing my heart to Him…. Guess what…. It IS worship.

Because, if I live like that… if I live to foremostly please & honor God with my everything… that is the true heart of worship & I will remember that everyone has their opinions, but if I am living to be obedient & honoring & glorifying to God Almighty… differing opinions don’t really matter all too much, do they?

I Want to Live a Life of Worship

I was born to shine for HIM. To love Him first & others second. Not to be liked or approved by ALL people, but to serve & honor Him, even when I am not liked or approved.

He is Whom I wish to live for & Him alone. I want to SHINE for HIM.

Shine HOPE by keeping your eyes fixed on Him, living your every day to please & honor Him, letting everything else just slide off your back, remembering HIS opinion matters MOST. Get to know His Word & get to know Him every single day. He is worth living for 100%.

Coming Next Week

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As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

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Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

May 2024 Hope Mail (VIETNAM & INDIA)

FOR A LIMITED TIME – Only available during the month of May

This exclusive May Hope Mail package makes a great gift for any occasion! Receive free shipping on this May Hope Mail package that includes our Coral Cotton Wrap handmade in Vietnam, Bird Song Pineapple Lip Balm from India, and our adorable Love is a Flower Sticker mailed in a stylish Fashion as a Force for Good envelope.

How You Can Help the Artisans & Support My Website:

#1 is PRAY. Financial help is great & helps pay my website fees & helps support these women artisans… but God’s help is always needed most… both for encouragement & for spiritual hope, through Jesus, for the women we support through our ethical fashion purchases. Always PRAY first.

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win-win-win!

Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!