I Am a Weak Human

I’m going to be honest with you… I just had pizza bread & soda for lunch & I am not proud of it.

Typically, Jamie & I reserve pizza & other greasy/fatty meals for date-night-in or something special, but I had a lunch craving & I caved with very little resistance (VERY little).

And the other day, I decided not to do my morning walk because it was drizzly out, determining to go later when the rain slowed down… but I didn’t… because I didn’t want to change out of comfy clothes to go out for physical exertion when the couch had already claimed me as a friend.

And last week? I didn’t want to do my blog… like AT ALL. Oh, if you could have seen how hard I resisted doing it.

I didn’t want to pray about any of these things, either, because I didn’t want to do other than what I wanted… & even though I felt that gentle, nudging reminder from God, I purposely ignored Him, too.

I wanted the pizza. I wanted my couch & pajama combo. I wanted to play video games instead of working. I wanted what I wanted.

God Knew Better & I Ignored Him–On Purpose

These things are not inherently wrong. It’s okay to have pizza sometimes, as long as you balance it with a nutritious menu & don’t binge. It’s okay to relax & it’s okay to take a break for games sometimes, even—as long as it doesn’t form a pattern of laziness, over-indulgence, & neglect.

But, the problem was that I knew I needed a nutritious meal because my body was already mad about a poor dinner choice last night. I knew that my body craved getting out for sunshine, fresh air, & exertion & that I denied it for the easy way out. And I knew the reward that comes from spending time committed to this blog, committed to showing up for hope, for you… & it far outweighed the reward of hours with a controller in hand, staring at my tv.

The problem with my choices was that I knew God was whispering over my heart to not make those choices this time, but that I didn’t care… I wanted my way… the cop out. I didn’t listed to or trust or obey God’s loving guidance.

I wanted the instant gratification.

The Patience of God

It had been a long time since I resisted working on my blog. God has grown my heart over these past few years so that it usually seems less like work & more like a joy & a privilege & an honor.

But not last week. Last week felt like I had boxing gloves on & was ready to duke it out with myself to keep from having to do one ounce of work when I wanted to do anything BUT.

God is so patient with me.

I am not running this blog because I have it all together & have the self-discipline to always choose rightly. I make mistakes. I choose the selfish choice sometimes too often (& reap the consequences).

I Am a Weak Human

I am also NOT using that truth of me being a weak human as an excuse.

God has been teaching me to own up & call it [disrespecting, dishonoring, ignoring, etc. God] for what it is.

Instead of, “oh, I am being such a BRAT, aren’t I, God?” (sounding cute & nonchalant about it) it has become instead, “God, forgive me for my selfish behavior where I would rather choose my way than trust Yours. You are God & I am not. Please forgive me for being disrespectful & dishonoring to You.”

I need to OWN up to my wrong actions born from my sinful heart.

Is there anything with which you do that? … Where you just sort of sugar-coat your bad choices like they aren’t really that bad… compared to _________________?

Making light of God’s grace & mercy? His forgiveness?

This is something I do ALL the time. (Regrettably.)

It’s so easy to clearly see where others might be compromising or choosing themselves over God—either their opinion over His Truth, or doing their way vs. His way…. But it is MUCH harder to own up to my own shortcomings & see them for what they are-a sinful, me-centered attitude.

YES!… But First…

In church, on Sunday, our pastor talked about Luke 9, including verses 59 & 60, “He [Jesus] said to another man, “Follow me.” But he replied, “Lord, first let me go & bury my father.” Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go & proclaim the kingdom of God.”

Jesus’ response may seem harsh, until you think about the bigger picture… that you can’t do anything for someone already gone, but you CAN offer a very real hope to people still around to hear & receive it.

And it hit me… I do this to God ALL the time.

“Oh yeah, God! Of COURSE I want to follow You, but I need to take care of this.”

As if God doesn’t ALREADY know & isn’t sufficient & can’t handle it if I leave whatever it is to do what HE asked me to do.

Like, “Michelle, if GOD ALMIGHTY (Who sees, knows, & understands literally EVERYTHING) asks you to do something, you can GUARANTEE that:

A) He already knows what’s on YOUR schedule,

B) HE can handle what’s on your schedule (or knows it won’t end up needing to be handled at all this time), &

C) asked you to do it NOW because He has a reason for it needing to be done right now, in lieu of your proposed plans.”

Stop & Pray

I like to treat God like He has good ideas, but like I need to fit them in amongst my own responsibilities &/or plans, where as God KNOWS what needs to be done & can handle it MUCH better than I can, so if He says, “GO” then He already has a plan & can take care of it… & He just wants me to GO & do what He asked in the moment.

I need to stop running the show my way, “with His help,” & start living HIS plan, with His help.

I need to learn how to stop [assuming I know all the details] & pray [ask all-knowing God for His say in the matter].

The Right Response

I needed to stop & pray before lunch today, submitting to what He was telling me my body needed right then, letting Him tell me how to care for it & allowing Him to help me carry it out. I could have avoided the tummy ache & headache & sluggish side effects of poor eating choices.

“God, please forgive me for being gluttonous… for choosing cravings over what was good for my body. Forgive me for choosing instant gratification vs. long-term health in caring for the body You made for me. Please forgive me for purposely ignoring You when You were just looking out for me. Now I have the tummy ache & headache consequences when I could have trusted You to show me a healthy AND yummy alternative that would have energized me. I’m sorry for disrespecting You. Help me stop to trust You next time. Amen.”

I needed to stop & pray when God reminded me about my plan to go out for a walk “later” because my heart was really craving sunshine & fresh air.

“God, please forgive me for shoving Your gentle reminder away. You knew it would have refreshed me. You knew it would uplift me. I chose my way & felt defeated by the end of the day for never overcoming my lazy cravings & instead exchanging my walk for ease. Please forgive me for shutting You out & disrespecting You when You were trying to help & uplift me. Help me stop to trust You next time. Amen.”

I eventually did stop & pray last Monday, when I wrestled against my strong, stubborn resistance to productivity.

“God, I do NOT want to work today! I don’t want to! Please! Help me! Remind me that temporary instant gratification is a LIE. Don’t let me quit. Don’t let me give in. Help me. Refresh me. Give me a will to take time to share Your hope & testimony of You. There is so much more value in this blog—LASTING value—than extra time spent on my video games. PLEASE help me. In Jesus’ powerful, mighty name, AMEN.”

Even When It’s Hard

Sometimes it’s not a willing, submissive prayer, trusting God to lead.

Sometimes it’s a full-on FIGHT against my own strong will.

Sometimes it’s a slump-to-the-ground-so-I-don’t-keep-choosing-my-way-&-then-BEGGING-God-to-help-me sort of situation, frustration, angst & stubborn rebellion coursing through me like a mad, raging storm.

And God is SO patient with me. So gentle. So kind.

He knows my heart. I can’t hide it behind a seemingly obedient & righteous smile. He knows.

He sees me.

And yet, He loves me. He grows me. He waits for me. He guides me. He LOVES me.

I don’t do this blog because I have it all together. Quite the opposite!

I do it because despite all of my MANY flaws & weaknesses & bouts of stubborn rebellion, I am loved by a God much bigger than me & far greater!

He is my Rescuer, Healer of scars from trauma, Savior, Guide, Comforter, Counselor, Father, Friend, Almighty God, Creator.

I have nothing to offer Him, but that is okay because He is enough for us both.

Where It All Began

I started with a small, timid prayer years ago: “God, I WANT to serve You, but I don’t know HOW. Show me what purposes You have planned for my life. Show me Your plan. I am tempted not to ask because I am afraid You will give me more than I can handle right now, but then I remember that You know EVERYTHING. You know what I can handle. You know how YOU made me. You know my responsibilities. You are patient & gentle. You can help every step, too. So, show me Your will more & more & help me know HOW to live it. I want Your way… Your plan. Help me see it. Amen.”

That’s where I started. I was SO scared that He would overwhelm me with too much… like Moses probably felt (Exodus 3). But God is SO patient & gentle & kind… AND we can ask Him for His help every step of it!

He knows you. He made you. ASK Him.

Shine Hope by determining to STOP & PRAY, not assuming your solution must happen, but trusting He sees & knows even more/better than You do. You can trust Him!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

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A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for THREE years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

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Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Radiant Necklace Set (only middle of 3 necklaces shown)

On-trend set of 3 layered necklaces that can be worn together or separately, featuring a labradorite stone, hammered discs, & a blue topaz crystal drop.

In India, poverty often leads to exploitation of vulnerable women in sweatshops. Every purchase provides these Artisans with fair wages, access to healthcare, education for their children, & care for elderly family members.

Purchase this set & empower an Artisan in India!

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