Don’t Believe the Lies

Have you ever felt pressure to be “good enough” to be loved?

I grew up believing I wasn’t good enough. In my perception, I was too fat, not pretty, & anything good I accomplished seemed to be because someone else helped me get there. I talked too much, was too loud, & had too many emotions. I was too silly or not fun enough, depending on my mood.

Basically, because of those things, I felt like I would never be good enough to be loved.

Not Ever Feeling Good Enough Made Me Always Nervous I Would Lose Friends

This perception of my value translated to how I felt about interactions with both romantic interests & friends alike. I felt like I was the ugly fat friend who was a complete joke to most everyone else around me, trying my best to be funny or something to hold some value in different friend groups, to hopefully distract from the many bad qualities I felt I possessed.

When I tried to “dress cute,” I felt like a clown trying to look cool but failing miserably–giving people “reason” to laugh at me.

If you haven’t read my old post: “Trusting God, Losing Friends, & Finding Myself”, it also talks about how this led me to become the class flirt, hoping I could earn some attention that way… but that didn’t end up quite as positive as I had hoped & the constant act felt like if I slipped up at any point & let my guard down (aka was myself & not the image I felt others wanted to see), then my friendships would just fade away & leave me a friendless loner.

A New Kind of Pressure–Church & Social Media Culture

But this post today isn’t about my past or my insecurities growing up.

Though I have grown older & God has helped me overcome many of those fears & hurts of my past, growing in me a deeper confidence in who He made me to be & letting that be enough, I have noticed a different kind of pressure emerging around me.

Both church culture & social media culture have grown to have some damaging effects of its own. Now, I am not saying that these are evil or anything as shocking or generalized as that, but rather as a warning to be sure that we break these trends or at least don’t succumb to them.

Church Culture Can Often Become Pressure of Perceived Perfection

In church culture, the pressure can become almost palpable to be the perfect, smiling, shining example we ought to be of a perfect Christian woman… hiding our faults & our sin temptations & our struggles… our hurts, our doubts, & our failures… all in hopes of “fitting in.”

But let me remind you of something right now. We are all naturally sinful… we are bent toward evil. Our flesh still wants its way… EVEN AFTER we submit our sin to Jesus’ paying for it on the cross..

And we can sugar coat it in layers upon layers of denial & justifications & downplaying it, but it’s there all the same. Even Paul recognized it in himself! (Romans 7:14-15)

Only God is GOOD

We don’t become good just because we accept Jesus’ offer to pay our sin debt to God Almighty. There is no magic sauce that is poured over us that washes away our fleshly desire to bend toward sin. Only God is good.

Even Jesus mentions this fact when He is called good & He responds with: “Why do you call Me good? Only God is good,” knowing the man he was speaking to did not consider Him God, but man. (paraphrase) (Mark 10:17-18)

God Offers Us His Power to Overcome Sin (When We Turn to Jesus), But That Doesn’t Mean He Removes Our Sin Nature

It is definitely, absolutely true that once we accept Jesus’ gift, that God sends us His Holy Spirit to guide us & that God breaks the chains that sin had over us, so that we can choose NOT to sin & OVERCOME sin (with His help & power), but the desire to sin is not washed away.

How damaging it is to pretend otherwise! Even Paul did not shy away from admitting his own wrestling with it—& for great purpose! Because if we all think we’re supposed to have no desire for sin, yet we are tempted to sin, yet we all pretend we aren’t tempted… then that just communicates to other Christians that we feel we have it together… aka, then why do they NOT have it all together?

We Ought to Be Transparent

“This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.” (1 Timothy 1:15) Notice how he doesn’t say he WAS the chief of sinners… but that he IS the chief of sinners.

We ought to be transparent. We ought to bear one another’s burdens! We ought to pray for & with one another through those struggles! We ought to be honest about the fact that while we are imperfect, God is perfection! While we are prone to sin, God is holy! While we fail, God does NOT!

Don’t strive to look perfect. Strive to point to Him as perfect.

Yes, strive to honor & glorify Him in all you do. Yes! Do that! But in that, don’t pretend you always get it right & never slip up.

God Knows We Need to Be Honest in Our Weakness to One Another

I struggle with depression, as you probably know by now, but while that is not sinful, the fleshly pull I consistently have is to let myself succumb to all the lies of exploitation Satan likes to yell in my heart while I am weak. I don’t want to have to trust God IN the hard… I just want the hard to be GONE! So, a major sin pull for me is to just selfishly demand the end of that hard OR ELSE I doubt God & draw away from Him in bitterness & hurt feelings of betrayal.

But let me tell you, God has shown me that if I can find a safe person to share that temptation & struggle with, AKA my husband, & let him know how much I am struggling & ask him to pray with me when I don’t feel I have the strength or will to pray for myself… it helps break the chains Satan is trying to wrap around my neck with all of his lies.

Satan wants us to struggle alone. He wants us to pretend we’re perfect. He wants us to feel like we’re the only one who can’t seem to get it right. He wants us to think when we fail that everyone else just wants to obey God 24/7 in ALL things so that we only want to withdraw, isolate, & are more vulnerable to his deception & exploitation of our weaknesses.

So stop pretending! Stop being okay with letting other people feel like they have to pretend!

BE A SAFE SPACE for someone else.

Strive to be Holy… Don’t PRETEND to be Holy… There’s a Difference

It’s not up to you to act like a picture-perfect Christian, because guess what… none of us are.

God calls us to BE holy, to strive for holiness, aka to live in a way that seeks to honor & please Him with all that we think, say, & do (not to earn His favor but because we know it pleases & honors Him & because He is SO deserving of it!) but He knows that doesn’t mean we will never want to sin anymore.

What a harsh lie/burden to put on ourselves to believe otherwise… because absolutely no one can live up to it at all times.

The Extreme Pressures of Social Media to be “It”

And I see the same thing just exploding on social media, with all the different apps & “influencers” who take 30 pictures to get that right one to post (guilty!), who trim off a few pounds or adjust the lighting or cover blemishes or erase wrinkles… all in the name of saying they have it all together & are worthy of your following, but to the end of feeling they never quite measure up to the perceived perfection of the rest of the world.

“I don’t have a boyfriend… & no wonder because I can’t seem to ever get my [hair, skin, body, life] to look like hers.”

“I don’t have any friends… probably because I’m not as [successful, all-together, confident, cheerful, pretty, etc.] as her.”

We need to stop letting this pressure to compare to others’ scripted, edited, faked life make us feel like we’re not good enough to be loved… that if we just did more, were more adventurous, more friendly, more successful, etc. etc. etc., then maybe, just maybe, we would have more deep friendships or have our dream relationship.

I Don’t Have to be “Good Enough” to be Loved

You don’t have to be “good enough” to be loved. Period.

There is no perfect standard that others have achieved–guaranteed.

There is no person who does not have their own bend toward a specific sin desire–guaranteed.

There is no person who never makes mistakes & gets it right all the time–guaranteed.

So, if you are alone (or feel like you are) & you wonder why… ask God. Start there. Because I guarantee you that it’s not at all because you’re “not good enough.”

Always Ask God for Help & Wisdom & Help Trusting His “Enoughness”

Say, “God, I am so tired of trying to pretend perfection to be liked. I feel so much pressure for it & I don’t see how I could possibly be liked if I stop. But God, help me to trust You more than I do. I am trying to be the one to make it happen, but help me trust Your leading instead. Help me to have confidence in how You designed me & show me what that design is even more clearly. Help me to know how to stop trying so hard & instead, help me know how to better lean into You for Your help & Your enoughness. I’m sorry that I always feel the need to supplement. Forgive my unbelief & help me believe in You more. You are enough, I just don’t know how to rest in that. Help me learn to love & trust You more. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Shine HOPE by allowing your imperfections to show, relying on God’s perfection to help you live His way, versus trying to pretend you can be perfect in & of yourself… & by removing the pressured lie that you have to be good enough to be loved. You’re already so loved by the God Almighty Himself!

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Arise Bracelet (East Asia)

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