Feeling Like a Grump

Have you ever had one of those days (or weeks) where you just feel cranky?

That’s me this week. I am more short-tempered & don’t feel like I have patience for “long-suffering patience” with others.

I feel teleported back to my teenage days where the popular saying was “talk to the hand.” I just don’t feel I have patience for anything or anyone.

How do I honor God in my interactions with others when I feel so grumpy & DONE?

How do I treat others kindly, serving one another in love? … When all I want to do is tune everyone out & hide under a blanket in bed?

I Want to Have a Temper Tantrum & Just Take a Nap

I guess I am not too much different than a little kid sometimes. Yeah, maybe I have grown in covering up my grumpiness most times & I can usually manage it more maturely, but sometimes I just really don’t want to bother.

Can you relate?

Whether it’s a series of unfortunate events, where stress is the culprit, throwing me off balance & building tension where there is otherwise ease… whether someone unexpectedly gets short with me… or whether it’s a lack of sleep or even PMS… some days just feel harder than others to get through with the sort of patient loving-kindness that God asks of me.

And being responsible in preparing healthier meals, doing my morning walks, spending time in prayer, doing a workout, or anything else even remotely beneficial to me feels like the absolute LAST thing I want to be doing when a bowl of ice cream & a tv screen seem so much more appealing.

I just want to take a nap.

Low Threshold for Annoyances &/or Inconveniences

Well, that’s been me these last several days. Of course, I have had some laughs & some good moments, but my threshold for things that aggravate or throw me off seems to be a lot lower lately & I don’t even know why—probably the inconsistent sleep I’ve gotten this week.

And yet, that doesn’t change the fact that I have to make a choice: Will I choose to honor God with this poor attitude, slumping into Him in defeat & asking for His help to do better when I don’t want to?

Or will I choose to say, “Forget it. I am going to eat bad as my high, avoid all responsibility, & not bother hiding my general annoyance with the world”?

What will I choose?

I Don’t Always Make the Right Choice

Well, I will tell you this much… I certainly don’t always surrender my bad attitude to God’s help.

I too often choose the second option.

I self-shield, blocking out anything that bothers me or doesn’t add to my comfort.

I self-soothe, rehearsing the annoyances in my mind, justifying my bad behavior & sour attitude.

I self-solve, turning to other things for a temporary “high” to make me feel better in the moment—like television, video games, food, mindless video-watching online (one after the other after the other until I finally look up from my phone & realize 3 hours have gone by).

What I often fail to do is self-surrender.

I Ought to Pray

I often fail to take all of that ick, all of that grumpy, impatient tension & surrender it at God’s feet in prayer, saying something like:

“God, hi, it’s me. I feel so ick lately. Everyone & everything is annoying me. I feel tense & frustrated & annoyed & I just want it all to leave me alone. I just feel tired. I don’t want to be nice when I feel like this. I want to let everyone know to leave me alone, closing myself off. But I know Satan uses that want against me. He knows I struggle with depression & all he wants is to isolate me until I am sinking in muck I can’t seem to escape. It feels justified though. It feels safe. But I know it’s a lie. I also don’t want Your help. I want to just ooze comforts over all the tension & block it out & ignore & avoid it. I don’t want to face it. I don’t want to deal with it. I want a “high” to boost my spirits—maybe ice cream or fast food… or mindless tv staring. But I know that won’t fix anything. It will hover over me… it will begin to become the thing I have to actively stuff into the bottom of my heart until it numbs me. God help me. Help me honor You in this ick. Help me not compromise. Help me not to turn to other things as my help or try to “fix” it my way. Help me trust You with it. Help be my strength & peace. Help me cling to You as my help. Help me treat others with patience & kindness, not taking out my bad attitude on anyone I come across. Help me express Your love to others even when I feel unloving. Fill in where I lack. Forgive me. Be my help. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Some Days Are Just Plain Hard to Be a Nice Person… In My Own Strength

Some days are hard.

Some days I just feel like smacking everyone who even looks at me funny.

Some days I want to spend it hidden under a blanket in bed.

Some days I want to seek out that “high” that might make it feel all okay, at least for a little while.

Some days are just hard.

But God IS enough.

I Have to be WILLING to Accept God’s Help to Handle the Ick HIS Way

But frankly, I HAVE to be WILLING to ACCEPT His help, His way, His solution… & not just ASK for it!

Trust me, some days I just want to pray & have Him just fix it… in fact, most days that’s what I want to happen.

But sometimes, God wants to show me that He can be my peace & strength EVEN WHEN those storms still threaten to wreck me.

Just One of Those Days

So, when it’s just one of those days–cling to Him.

Determine to go to Him AND ONLY HIM as your help.

Let Him help you versus clinging to the, “but I don’t feel like it.”

Surrender to His help. LET Him help you.

He won’t force you, but He will certainly help you… if you are willing to ask for & accept it.

Shine HOPE—even on the dark days—by determining to LET HIM BE your HOPE, strength & peace… & to love others through you… even when you don’t feel like it.

Amen & amen.

Coming Next Week

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Ellora Necklace (1 of 2 Shown–Hand-Crafted in India)

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