Post #200! Thank You!

First of all, I want to thank you, whether you are new to my blog or a long-time supporter & encourager of this journey. Today marks blog post #200!

It’s hard to believe that it’s been over 3 years since I launched this website & blog & God has for sure helped me tweak & improve every step along the way (& I have much growing yet to do). I am blown away by His faithfulness & the love I have seen in your support. Thank you!

Lust: The Secret Sin

This topic is one that’s hard for me to talk about… Probably because it makes me feel vulnerable to attack & the comfort of hiding it is much easier.

But, as in most things, God always seems to prompt me to share the things that aren’t so pretty to help you see our collective & very real need of HIM.

God tells us in Matthew 5:27-30 that even looking at someone with lust in your heart is the same as cheating on your spouse (& YES, this includes doing so before you have even MET your spouse). God even goes so far as to say that it is more beneficial to you to cut off your hand or pluck out your eyes if it keeps you from doing so. That’s a pretty bold statement against lust!

Well, despite its secrecy, this has probably been a lifelong wrestle for me. I don’t know how it started, but curiosity led to addiction & addiction caused destruction & a prison that seemed impossible to escape. Lust was my secret sin.

“Checking All the Right Boxes”

I used to justify it that if I didn’t think of anyone I actually KNEW… just made up people in my head… that it was okay.

Hey, I wasn’t having sex CHECK & I wasn’t lusting after anyone real CHECK. I thought I had all the right boxes checked to be a good Christian while still indulging in my addiction.

I was wrong.

I Don’t Even Remember Where It Began

This addiction is one that started probably in pre-teen years for me… maybe sooner? I can’t remember, but it was definitely young.

I don’t remember how it started, whether I came across a tv program that clearly was inappropriate for me depicting a couple under a blanket, bare shoulders only, but plenty implied. I DO have a memory of such an occurrence back when I was little & we had only about 5 tv channels growing up.

Or maybe I heard people talking crudely & I was intrigued, not knowing the addiction that would soon lead me down a dark path.

But whatever it was, I made the choice. Something in me felt off about it, but then again, I thought I had checked all the right boxes, so I justified the heck out of it.

That became my vice & a lifetime of scars on my heart, distorting my perception & understanding of the real thing with a damaging substitute. And it all started when I was just a child.

Seems So Innocent, But It’s Laced with Poison Meant to Kill

Now, even as a 38-year-old woman, I struggle sometimes more than I feel okay admitting. What started as “innocent” curiosity, justified & smoothed over as just “Christian-y” enough, has been a prison quite difficult to escape.

Now, maybe you read romance novels or have some other seemingly “innocent” way that you lust. Maybe you justify it & run through the check boxes as I did. Maybe it’s not a problem for you at all.

Maybe you’re reading this & thinking I AM justified. No sex, no problem. Not actual men, so who cares. It’s all pretend. No harm, no foul… right?

That’s what I have told myself anyway.

Again, I was wrong.

A Pattern of Addiction Is Hard to Escape

I didn’t trust God to know what was best for me. His rules were meant to guide me away from things I thought I knew so well but was so wrong. I should have trusted HIM over ME.

Now married, I have a pattern of addiction that maybe you feel is harmless & no big deal. But God only commands us to flee things He KNOWS will hurt us. And we should listen!

It’s a big deal because lust keeps me distanced from my husband! It keeps me at arms length from him… The very man God gave me to enjoy those things with. It is trading the REAL for the FAKE.

Instead of having only a connection with my husband, I am constantly tempted to go somewhere else in my mind, disconnecting from him & trading him for a fake substitute, because of the patterns of lifelong addiction.

What a hurtful thing to something meant to be so beautiful a connection between spouses.

There’s no way around it anymore: It is SIN. When I decide to lust or fantasize, I am hurting my own love-life with a cheap, fake substitute. And a lifelong pattern of addiction is hard to escape.

The Lie, the Trap

I know fantasizing seems easier. It requires less vulnerability to lean into a fantasy. You can dream yourself to be a beautiful princess when you feel like a sloppy blob or a nuisance. You can “have” a man that does whatever your fantasy dictates exactly how you deem it, with no mistakes or flaws.

But, although the real has flaws… so do you. And PRETENDING avoids accepting & EMBRACING the REAL (& also prevents someone from accepting & embracing YOU as is)... wanting to enjoy connection, but never letting it happen.

The real thing is not as “perfect” as a fantasy, but it’s the REAL THING.

I have come to understand that though I ran circles tirelessly defending my check-marked list, lust IS sin & it DOES cause harm. It’s a lie. It’s a trap.

It’s NOT worth it.

Lust Often Becomes Addiction

It is addiction. It is destructive. It saps real connection & intimacy. It blocks out the person wanting to love you. It is divisive. It is selfish. It is unkind.

It exploits the image of God’s created, whom Jesus died to save.

It’s wrong however you justify it. It’s wrong.

And although it can start small, supplemental, a curiosity… it often numbs you to where you no longer get anything from it… unless you take it further & it gets darker & harder to escape. It’s a path that leads to a prison... to death (death inside).

The Secret Sin Plague

Maybe this isn’t your fight, but I can promise you that it is a secret battle for many others around you. Your sibling, parent, friend, spouse, & ministry leaders… who battle this in secret, trying to convince themselves that their prison hurts no one, checking all of the boxes, but living in addiction (in sin) that subtly tears apart at their marriages & their relationship with God… Living a lie… As I did.

In secret.

And just because it is “secret”, I promise it WILL hurt those around you, even in the divisive nature of the lie….

And it’s no secret to God.

FLEE! Run from It! Kick Fantasies in the Face!

But this is my call to you. Confess it as is: SIN. Ask for God’s forgiveness. Determine to do life HIS way. “If we confess our sins[to God], He is faithful & just to forgive us our sins & to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

Flee the temptation! Actually FLEE! Not just resist & beg God to stop it & wrestle it… RUN FROM IT.

“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18)

I have found that when those patterns arise & my prison beckons me to return, tempting images prance across my mind & I feel the allure… that I legit PUNCH them & ROUNDHOUSE KICK those images in my head & then RUN away in the fantasy to GET OUT OF THERE. It helps me yell “NO!” in my head & determine not to fall for its lies anymore!

Do I still fail? Yes. Is it far less often? YES. It’s a process of re-writing lifelong patterns & habits, where when my mind wants to kick into auto-pilot, I am learning to turn & RUN in my imaginings.

Be willing to FAIL FORWARD versus accepting defeat in continuing a pattern of disobedience to God & destruction for yourself & your relationships. RUN. Like your life depends on it. RUN.

God ALWAYS Provides a Way Out

Yes, I have struggled my whole life with this. I got married close to 30. I get it… wondering if God would EVER help, taking my satisfaction into my own control.

But I promise it’s not worth it. It may be subtle… you may feel “that’s just how life is” & strive to just “learn to live with it,” but it’s NOT meant to be that way. Healing IS possible. A healthy & blooming relationship with God & your {even future) husband is WORTH IT.

God knows & He knows our battle with it. That’s why He makes a point to command us against it, knowing we’ll want to. He is trying to help us not get ourselves locked in a prison we feel is impossible to escape.

And He promises His help if we ask. “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, & He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)

He provides the way out, but we have to be willing to walk in obedience & trust… & take the way out… to RUN through it!

FLEE.

Jesus Came to Set the Captives FREE! (Luke 4:18)

Trust God to Know Better Than You

Repent. Trust God to know better than you.

The Bible repeatedly echoes the phrase: “Fear God,” even going as far as to say that the fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 9:10). This, as I covered in my post: “Fearing God Is the Beginning of Wisdom” means recognizing that no matter HOW MUCH you THINK you know or how MUCH you want something… even if you’re not sure you have faith in God… Trust that GOD ALMIGHTY knows better than you do… & DO what HE says.

Shine hope by determining to let God lead your decisions in this area of lust, determining that He DOES know better than you, no matter HOW MUCH you may feel you want it-the desire to sin is a lie & WILL bring destruction. Trust GOD.

Flee lust & kick it in the face if you have to.

Coming Next Week

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A Note from Michelle:

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Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Moonstone Hoops

Artisans from India cut & frame moonstones on these gold-toned elliptical hoops. Moonstones are prized in India for the unique way they reflect light.

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Purchase these hoops & empower a woman in India!

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Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!