Tears, Anxiety, & a Hot Mess, Oh My!

I have had a lot of opportunities to feel weak over these last few months.

From dealing with the disappointment, bitterness, & anxiety of moving back to Guam from my favorite home—Misawa, Japan, to all of the problems with the entire process of the move (prep fails & all of the move process problems), to then the struggles that seem to barrage us at every turn since we have arrived… I have definitely felt beaten down by life a lot lately.

If maybe only a few of these things had happened, any of those things may have been merely a temporary frustration, but when it happens again & again & again & again & doesn’t seem to have any end to the “agains,” it starts to feel defeating & exhausting, my nerves already shot & my patience spent, turning a near nonissue into another fail to add to ever-growing pile.

A Display of Weakness

And I don’t try to hide it. Why? Because my weakness is a canvas for God’s glory & all He is capable of when I am clearly not.

Tears come more easily lately & anxiety rears up more readily & I just feel tired & distracted & disheveled pretty regularly these days… not all the time, mind you… but pretty regularly.

I don’t like hard. I covet easy comfort. I know it’s an idol of mine & boy has God made it clear to me how much I yearn for it over Him these past several months.

This journey of moving back to Guam, in all of its struggle & trouble, has led me to cry out like Paul when he cried out to God about the thorn in his side. “Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:8-9)

I don’t try to hide it because I want everyone to know just how weak I really am, so that they know any strength or peace I possess is not from willpower or personal strength, but because I turn to God & ask for HIM to BE my enough when I’m not.

In the Waiting, May My Weakness Display His Strength

I cry something similar pretty frequently these days. I just want a period of peace, where I have nothing new to report & at least nothing new goes wrong for a while. I don’t even need it to be perfect & fun necessarily, I just want a break from the hard for just a little bit.

And maybe that day is coming soon… or maybe not….

But just like Paul was reminded, God reminds me also that God is enough for me IN the hard. (2 Corinthians 12:8-9)

A Blessing Is Not Just When Everything Is Going Right

I see so often a list of GOOD things shared by friends, followed with “I’m so blessed!” but sometimes the blessings come most preciously when nothing in life seems to ever go right… where NOTHING seems good… because in those moments, we can most clearly see that while nothing else seems sufficient, nothing seems to be working out, everything is going wrong, & I don’t have the strength to be capable & strong seeming in & of myself… that God really IS sufficient.

My weakness is a canvas for His glory… for His strength.

When everyone sees just how weak & incapable & foolish I am… me as a mess… then any good that comes from my story can only be explained One way… Him.

God, I Need You… Every Hour I Need You

When I am weak, where peace seems an impossible thing, where rest feels to be eluding me at every opportunity, & I am beaten down by life… I can slump down & cry… I can be honest with Him about how it hurts & hold nothing back… & then I can say, “God, I need You. I need You to be my enough right now. Thank You that because of Jesus paying my debt & restoring a right relationship between You & me, I can come to You with it all & trust You to be enough, even when I most certainly am not. Thank You for being faithful even when I feel faithless. Thank You for Your sufficiency & grace. Thank You for giving me Your peace even when any peace seems impossible to me. Thank You! Amen.”

Only He Is Perfect

We’re not meant to try to present ourselves as infallible & perfect, someone who never fails, struggles, or makes mistakes. We are meant to present Him as such.

Should we strive to honor Him in all of life? Yes, of course.

Will we always succeed? Nope.

Should we pretend we always succeed “for our testimony”? NO.

We should humbly accept where we fall short & draw back to Him for His loving grace & mercy, displaying His grace, love, mercy, faithfulness, & power in every circumstance.

Shine HOPE by letting your weakness be a canvas for God’s glory in the lives of those around you.

Coming Next Week

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A Note from Michelle:

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Capiz Dove Ornament Set (Philippines)

LIMITED EDITION – WHILE SUPPLIES LAST! This elegant set of three handcrafted capiz shell ornaments begins at the bottom of the sea surrounding the Philippine Islands. Divers collect basketfuls of beautiful “windowpane” shells for Artisans like Emelyn, who cut each custom shape and bind them by into delicate gold-plated frames to create these dove-inspired ornaments. Every purchase of this ornament set empowers women in the Philippines out of poverty!

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SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

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Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!