Why Do I Keep Fighting Back?
Can I just be honest with you right now?
I have a rebellious heart. I relate very much with Paul when he talks about not doing what he wants to do & doing what he doesn’t (Romans 7:15-20) & how his spirit & flesh wage war against each other (Galatians 5:16-17). That’s me to a “t” & it’s SO annoying.
I don’t want to be like this. I wish I could just will myself to wholeheartedly give my whole self to God & never look back, never question Him... & never will for anything apart from pleasing, honoring, & glorifying Him in all I do, think, or say.
But that’s not me. I always fight for ME, me, me, ME. What do I FEEL like doing? What will I get excited about? What makes me comfortable? Blah blah blah. Never fails to lure me in. It’s embarrassing how often I fall for it.
Maybe God uses this will in me to serve as an example to others of “what not to do.” I don’t know. I mean, I feel He does do this, but He would probably (aka would undoubtedly) prefer if I were the shining example of what it looks like to do right all the time—to be a display to others of a shining life lived through His truth & His enabling power, grace, & peace.
How I wish that were me.
Never Enough
So why do I seem to fight what I know to be right at every turn? I mean, I’ve talked about how much I relate to the ebb & flow of the Israelites affections for & obedience to God versus rebellion & hard-heartedness. One day, I am singing praises as to how I saw God undoubtedly come through for me… & the next, I feel annoyed at my spirit’s reminder to spend time in my Bible when I really just want to watch some tv.
I know what infuses life into these bones & what seems to drain me dry over time & yet I KEEP going back to what does not satisfy (aka anything other than God Himself through prayer, worship, or time dwelling on His Word—the Bible). WHY, me? WHY are you like this?!
Am I Alone on This?
Do you ever do that? Do you understand deep in your gut that you only ever feel deeply & truly satisfied when you spend time with Him & yet you so easily get lured away to anything but time with Him?
Am I the only one?
This post isn’t seeming very “here’s a little nugget of truth…” ish is it? Just me complaining about myself again.
But here’s the thing: I don’t have all the answers. I don’t always make the right choices. I sometimes (too often) choose me over God. I am not a shining example of choosing right.
Praise GOD!
But God is still patient with me. He doesn’t slam me with a list of “get this all right before morning or we’re DONE!” He is gentle with me. He is forgiving (in what seems to me as OVERLY so). He is kind. He leads step by step usually versus all at once. Thank God–His faithfulness is not dependent on MINE.
And my constant failures to live up to His standards of holiness only serves as a constant reminder of my need for Him, for JESUS. It’s humbling, isn’t it?
I don’t know why my constant pull is “my way!” or “but I want THIS!” or “maybe later!” but God gently reminds me & reinforces that what I REALLY need is HIS way… to want HIM above all else… & to obey Him (& enjoy the blessings born of obedience) NOW.
He is where my true satisfaction comes from. He is what I really need & want. Only He can fill that void in me.
I was made for Him & He made me to need Him & to find my true satisfaction in Him alone. None else.
Finding Hope in Our Hope-Giver
So, let’s make an agreement, shall we? To start calling ourselves out when we start to lean toward anything else… to call it for what it is… idolatry… turning to or relying on anything but God to satisfy us.
And in our calling it out to ourselves… may we remember to pray, to be a “quick repenter” (read more about being a quick repenter, here: “The Great Power of Daily Repentance”) & right then & there admit it to God & ask His forgiveness… & ask for help recognizing it sooner next time… & ask for help drawing on Him as your life’s fulfillment & satisfaction above all else.
Because that’s what He made us for.
Shine hope by turning to Him to satisfy your soul… by determining to obey His call on your heart at every turn, always seeking Him to fulfill true satisfaction for your soul.
Coming Next Week
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Blue Palm Earrings (India)
Limited Edition – available while supplies last! The ethically made, gorgeous Blue Palm Earrings utilize up-cycled bone hand carved into a leaf shape, dyed a beautiful shade of blue contrasted by the ivory circle stud base. Beautifully crafted to compliment your summer looks, these unique artisanal earrings are handcrafted in a workshop in India that’s committed to fighting child marriage and helping women become financially independent as fair-trade Artisans.
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