Apprehensions, But God Is in Control
Well, this is it. In just 3 days, my husband & I will be flying to our new again home—Guam.
As you may remember, I wasn’t excited when I found out about this possibility a mere few months ago. I thought Guam was beautiful, of course, & I made some friends who invested in me as a friend… but life on Guam back in early 2010s was hard for me.
Maybe it was the fact that I was on the other side of the world from family & friends for the first time in my life.
Maybe it was figuring out being married & being a wife, learning to work together & communicate & work through tough things together for the first time.
Maybe it was my husband’s crazy work schedule that kept him away from home so incredibly often, leaving me alone on the other side of the globe (pre-smart phone & video calls, too, when all I had was a limited international calling plan).
Maybe it was feeling like an outsider—not hired staff, not local, not military… just fallen between the cracks in so many areas with a mostly absent husband.
Maybe it was a combination of all of that. Whatever it was—it was hard… & now I am moving back.
God Is Holding Me through It
I know circumstances are different now. I have been overseas for 10 years & am no longer a newbie at this. I have been married to Jamie for 10 years &, while still growing, as we always will as human beings, we are much more established in our relationship. His work schedule won’t be as crazy. Things have changed to better include outsiders like me. And… I own a smartphone now… with video calls.
But still, the trauma is there a bit & the apprehensions settle around this move.
Gratefully, God has–despite these apprehensions– helped me to have a better attitude with this move. He is giving me peace & helping me to just take one step at a time. He is helping me to trust Him & not worry, that even if it turns out just as bad (or worse), He has a plan & He can carry me through the potential storm.
I Don’t Play Baseball…
And here I am, just a few days away from leaving this country of Japan that has become our home these last 7 years & curveballs are swinging left & right & I feel emotionally & physically spent. I feel “out of batteries” as I like to say when I get to this point.
But I have more to do. Preparations have to be completed in just a couple more days before our flights. There is no time to quit or pause. It either gets done or left behind forever.
There are so many details that I couldn’t begin to share them all with you, as it would take hours to explain every facet of ever-needing-to-be-changed-or-adjusted details. It is seriously a whirlwind of information & details & needing to know more than the people who ought to know & inform me.
And I am out of batteries. I want to quit, if I am completely honest. I want to check out, curl up under the comforter–with it pulled over my head, cry until I get all the cries out & just sleep until it’s all over.
But I can’t. I have to be a grownup.
I Was Ready to Check Out
I didn’t want to write today. I wanted to toss it out with everything else I wanted to forget about to escape any & everything that could add to my pile, but God kept whispering over my heart ever so gently that even if I just share my prayer–my crying out to Him– that’s enough.
Because I am NOT enough.
But HE is.
I NEED Him
So, today, I leave you with my heart bare in prayer, laying down my weakness for His strength, my inability for His limitlessness, my burden for His care, & my dead batteries for His Almighty power:
“God. I am so tired. I am frustrated & a little angry. So much of this process has required us to know more than the ones we’re supposed to be able to call for help. How is that even possible? How are we supposed to plan & know if THEY don’t even know? I just can’t anymore. I am so tired & drained & I just don’t want to anymore. I can’t handle one more thing falling through or one more mistake due to misinformation or one more re-do because of that misunderstanding or one more authority unwilling &/or too uncaring to bother to help us when we NEED it. I can’t handle any more of it emotionally. I feel so drained. Please, God. You are the Author. You are Almighty. You can do anything. You KNOW everything. Please give me peace where peace seems impossible. Give me rest of heart. Renew my strength. Bolster my strength & resilience. Pave a way & fit the pieces together. Direct us to the ones who know & are willing & able to help us when we need it. Give us patience & a reminder to lean on You over quitting. Thank You for all You have already moved for us. Thank You for stepping in when all seemed lost along the way already. Thank You for being bigger than me, with more patience & wisdom & knowledge & power than me. Help me trust in that more. Be my strength. Get us to Guam. Please get our kitty to Guam safely, too, & watch over his nervous, scared little heart—comfort & calm him please Lord—I hate not being able to explain to him what is happening, so please care for him on our behalf. Help me to consider more Your plans for this move versus how it may or may not directly benefit me. Thank You for always being enough when I most definitely am not. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”
Shine HOPE by taking your human weaknesses & limitations to HIM.
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement right here on my blog/website @ www.MichelleHydeOnline.com.
Share with friends & family… & SUBSCRIBE by “Joining My Tribe,” so you never miss a week!
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
A Note from Michelle:
(***Check out my newly added FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts”!***)
This blog/website has been running for FOUR years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to learn more of my story, check out the “About Me” tab. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” tab, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox (make sure to check your other inbox folders), along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!
Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Mosaic Clutch (Guatemala)
Made in Guatemala from upcycled traditional blouse fabric called Huipil, with each pattern symbolizing the village from which the woman came. (Colors & patterns vary widely.)
In Guatemala, women struggle through abuse & poverty. But these women are now becoming proud business owners! By utilizing their traditional skills, they are able to create beautiful products that reflect their culture. They can provide for their families at home rather than leaving home in search of work & can also send their children to school to pursue their dreams. This is because people like you purchase their work!
Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Guatemala!
How You Can Help the Artisans:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
Your purchases not only help these women, but my commissions help me in continuing this website/blog, encouraging women all around the world with the HOPE we have in Jesus. Win win!
Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week!
