I Don’t Determine What Is True… God Does

I am a stubborn person & my past demonstrates my constant desire to “fact check” God.

When I used to read God’s Word, the Bible, I would do so comparing it to what I “already knew about the world” & sort of parse through it with that lens, as if I were determining which parts of the Bible I could rely on.

Now, I know, this seems incredibly arrogant of me, but my view of the Bible was that of a slightly outdated tool that could still be useful today versus the living, active (still completely accurate TRUTH) of Almighty God.

And because I viewed the Bible this way, I would read it, looking for the Truths that I could still apply today… the little “nuggets of wisdom” still tucked in its pages, if you will. And when I felt God highlight a certain part in my heart, I would determine which parts to toss aside because it didn’t mesh well with what I could logic & then try to follow the rest.

But now God has shown me that His Word is living & active, sharper than a two-edged sword & that if I don’t understand something to possibly be true, with my logic, reasoning, & understanding, then I am the one missing something, not God… & I have learned to take that gap to Him when I feel one, to seek His wisdom & understanding on the issue to better align myself with His Word.

Because God determines what is true–not ME.

I Tend to Second-Guess God First

But, my stubbornness does not end with me hesitating to full-on trust whatever God says as is, apart from my understanding or “getting” it. My stubbornness can most often be recognized through my hesitation to obey.

What do I mean by a hesitation to obey? I mean, being a Christian since I was 5, I did not read my Bible all the way through now read it consistently/daily until just a few years ago, even though I know it honors God to learn His Word & to meditate on His Truth daily.

I struggle doing uncomfortable things. I struggle reaching out to someone who seems gruff when God puts them on my heart. I struggle speaking truth, in love, to someone God nudges me to speak to. I struggle feeling inadequate & so wanting to keep hidden in the background versus stepping out to connect.

I struggle with stubbornness because I second-guess God.

Are “Good Intentions” Good Enough for God?

I used to think this was on me to fix. I would try to set daily schedules & routines, which would get forgotten or missed & then the habits would quickly fade into the forgotten.

I used to think I just needed to be “a better Christian” to achieve that level of obedience & well, I just wasn’t that yet.

I used to think “I’m just not good at concentrating that long” or “I’m just not good at speaking up” or “I am just insecure, that’s life.”

I used to think I was just too easily distracted or that I just couldn’t very well control disruptions from others, so “it’s not really even my fault.”

In other words… I had excuses lined out the door because overcoming my stubbornness seemed an undefeatable feat. And yet, I had good intentions… so “God understands.” But God knows I need His help & that He is willing to offer His help, so really, I was hiding my disobedience behind my good intentions because that just seemed easier.

I struggle with stubbornness.

Overcoming Stubbornness: More Willpower or More Surrender?

But something happened along the way, as I prayed about this insurmountable obstacle within myself… God showed me that overcoming my stubbornness had very little to do with what I could manage, & all to do with what HE could.

In other words, overcoming stubbornness is not about more willpower, but more surrender to His help.

If I truly AM willing, versus making excuses to avoid that which seems uncomfortable to me, then there is definite, sure HOPE because my overcoming has very little to do with what I am personally capable of doing & so much more to do with my willingness to surrender that lacking for His help instead.

Be wary of human wisdom, yours or that of anyone else… no matter how popular or appealing or intelligent they may seem. If anything contradicts God, it’s wrong. PERIOD.

A Prayer of Surrender

What does that surrender look like? It looks like a humbled, willing heart of prayer to an Almighty, loving God:

“God, I know this honors You, so I want to do it. I know I ought to trust Your Word 100%, so I want to do it. But, I feel so stubborn! Why do I resist You at every turn? Why does it feel the odds are always stacked against me? Why is it so HARD to just trust & obey when I know I ought to!? Please forgive my stubborn, selfish heart. Forgive me for forgetting. Forgive me for it being less of an absolute priority to me than it ought to be. Forgive me. And help me. Take my unwilling, hesitant heart. Shape me to Your will & way. Give me Your wisdom in the how & Your strength in the doing. Help me to stop at my self-made roadblock & instead of turning around to head the opposite way, help me to stop & pray. Help me to determine to keep asking in it versus a one-time prayer & then, “nope, still too hard, BYE!” Help me to SIT & WAIT & say, ‘God, I am not moving from this until You help me because I want to obey You but I need Your help!’ Help me to be persistent in my prayer for Your help versus giving it up when it stays hard. Habits take time to cultivate & grow, so help me just keep asking You for help in it each & every time, because You ARE enough, even when I am just a complete stubborn fail. Thank You for Your faithful persistence in Your love for me. Thank You for Your future help with this. Help me live to love & honor You above all else in this world. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

Overcoming stubbornness is NOT easy. It feels impossible sometimes, even.

But… God.

Trust Him, lean into Him, & let Him show you that He indeed is quite sufficient in it.

Shine HOPE by not trying to overcome stubbornness, but rather by surrendering it to Him for His help in the overcoming.

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Botanica Charms Set (India)

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