God Is Deserving of My Surrender

I talk about this little intimidating word: “surrender” a lot, but it really is such a vital piece in our learning to give God the honor & glory He deserves, & in seeing that His ways really are best, even when it doesn’t feel like it or make any sense at all to us.

Okay, so God holds ultimate authority, right? Ultimate right to have a say-so. Ultimate power. Made the world & everything in it. Made you & me. Knows everything. Sees everything. Understands everything… & ALSO has perfect wisdom to know how best to fit every piece together.

I cannot claim a single one of those things for myself personally. And yet, how often do I act like I do with the way I hesitate or offer pushback to God?

Sometimes, I’m not so good at surrender.

I Want to Win…

You see, surrender implies a giving up. Surrender implies a wrestling between what you really want & giving that up.

Imagine a battle. Who surrenders? The losers… the ones who see it’s either that or complete destruction. It’s defeat.

Surrender doesn’t feel good. By its very nature, it is uncomfortable.

And it doesn’t help that we live in a culture that tells you to be the main character of your life. That’s nothing new. That IS human nature at its core. We want what WE want.

Living in a Me-First Culture

In America, we REALLY seem to sell it. Everything is about living your best life, YOLO, whatever feels right, whatever makes you look good, whatever makes you feel good, whatever gives you “main character vibes.”

Even commercials aim to capitalize on making sure you have whatever you want at your fingertips & ensuring you really want what they have to offer.

So, self-denial feels SO uncomfortable, doesn’t it? So unnatural.

And yet, it’s how we’re called to live.

God Earns Our Surrender by His Very Nature

Taking up OUR cross & following Jesus. Denying ourselves. Doing everything, whether we eat or drink even, to the glory of God…. That is what we were made for.

Because He absolutely deserves it. It is literally what we were MADE for. (1 Corinthians 10:31; Isaiah 43:7; Psalm 139:13-16; Matthew 16:24-26)

And it’s not His arrogance that demands it. It is His very nature to deserve it.

It’s like someone winning GOLD in the Olympics & them getting a medal & press coverage & ad deals, etc., & you questioning, “Why should I praise THEM versus MYSELF in this sport???” Um, because they EARNED the right to that prestige. It’s not arrogance to receive honor that is deserved.

God is not puffed up, demanding allegiance superficially. He DESERVES it. He alone EARNED it by His very nature as Almighty GOD, Ruler & Creator of Heaven & Earth.

He Is the Potter, We Are the Clay

He is the Potter. We are the clay. Who is the clay to tell the Potter how He ought to form them or use them? (Isaiah 64:8; Romans 9:20)

You can dislike it. You can scream that you don’t believe it (in your heart of hearts, you know you do, because out of His grace, He has written His law on all our hearts so that we’re without excuse). (Romans 1:20)

But it is what it is, indeed.

And despite all that, surrender is still hard for me.

I Wrestled, Even Though I Knew God Ought to Win

When we moved back to Guam, I did NOT want to come. I had a very hard & negative experience last time we lived here (not everyone or every day or in all things, but a lot of HARD happened those few years) & I thought I was PAST it. And now God was taking me BACK there. I did not want to go.

But, even then, in my wrestling with & begging of God to change His plans, I knew… I KNEW He ought to win. I just didn’t want Him to.

I would pray something like, “PLEASE don’t make me go back there! I know You ought to win with this, because You have a perfect plan & know all & are leading this… but I just don’t WANT You to win here. Please help me even WANT You to change my mind, because I can’t even pray that right now because I DON’T WANT TO GO.”

But, even there, I knew I wanted His plan over my own. Sometimes I don’t even respond THAT well—if you can really see that as responding well at all.

All My Friends Were Getting Married…

And then there’s the fact that I was single for a long time & was a romantic straight out of the womb, I believe, so THAT was hard as well. I know hindsight bias says, “Well, you can’t really complain because I am still single & you’re NOT!” But… I had no clue that it would EVER happen back THEN. I was almost THIRTY when I got married & although I know some of you are single & older than that but just hold on for this next bit….

You see, I really, really, REALLY wanted to get married. I saw my younger friends AND younger SISTER get married before I was even in a serious relationship. It was crushing.

But I had to get to a point where I was willing to lay even that down. To be willing to say, “You know what, God. Even if. Even if. Even if You never see fit to lead me to marriage, help me to trust & honor You first. Not my will, but Thine. Help me trust You over myself. Forgive me for idolizing something You are withholding. Forgive me for doubting You. Forgive me for thinking I know better than You. Forgive me for doubting You care about me because of this. Please help me to surrender this to You.”

Surrender in Sleeplessness

Then, my 2 months of sleeplessness back whenever that was. Getting TOPS about 20 hours of sleep a WEEK—for TWO MONTHS. For perspective, 7 hours a night for one week is 49 hours of sleep a week. I was dead tired ALL THE TIME. (***You can read more about that in the blog post I wrote about it: “Growing Up a Christian: A Grace-Filled Life, Chapter 23: God Is My Strength.”***)

Some nights I just prayed & accepted that God could have me sleep if He chose, so since He chose to withhold it, I knew He could help me the next day, so I just rested in that fact, even though I was getting sometimes 0 hours of rest on a given night.

Some nights, though, I took my pillow, pressed my face into it, & silent-screamed my frustration into it. I was SO TIRED & yet, I COULD NOT sleep. I knew it was a spiritual attack, because it would be the weirdest things. An itch here, a need to blow my nose there, then a dog barks right out our window, then a crick in my shoulder, then my cat starts meowing, then my arm falls asleep, then I sneeze, then my hip feels achy, then my husband starts kicking his leg in his sleep (he does this sometimes). A million & one things slapping me out of sleep, but only just as I was starting to drift off. It was maddening!

And some nights, I would leave my room, defeated, sit at the kitchen table, put my face in my hands, & just cry for like 30 minutes until I went numb & just stared into the abyss. Blank. Defeated. Exhausted. Disparaged. WEAK.

God Would Supply, If Only I Was Willing to Surrender My NEED for Control to Return to Me… & Trust HIM As My Supply Instead of Myself

And I had to come to the point where I was willing to say, “Even if, Lord, even if. BE my strength.”

You see, I learned that I held a lot of faith in feeling capable in & of myself, & through that season, I wasn’t at all. I had to rely on God alone being capable FOR me when I had nothing left in me.

And that is HARD. (If you live this every day with chronic illness or pains, I am so sorry. God is sufficient, but it doesn’t mean it won’t be challenging as all get out surrendering that pain to Him each & every day. Fall into Him.)

Surrender is a tough pill to swallow sometimes, & sometimes I’m not so good at it.

But with it comes so much blessing.

Surrender Brings SO MUCH Blessing

God encouraged me to find 3 things, just THREE things to be thankful for about Guam every day back then. That is how simply He had me begin in even WANTING to ask Him to change my mind. (So gentle, so kind, & so gracious He is!) My 3 things were the same 3 things for MONTHS: palm trees, ocean views, & cool ocean breezes. But those 3 things helped shift to finding reasons to PRAISE Him versus FEAR His plans.

God encouraged me with PEACE in my singleness that I thought a complete & just plain IMPOSSIBLE thing to EVER feel about it, through time with my aunt one long car ride. (I wanted to be married SO BADLY.)

God WAS my strength in my sleeplessness. EVERY day. In my good attitudes & my very not so great ones. Every day that I eventually surrendered to asking for His help in my lack, He SUPPLIED. He WAS my strength, even when I had none of my own. He taught me that I could trust Him to be my supply in that way, never needing to worry if I ever lost my physical strength. Even in the hard, He would be my enough.

Surrender is hard, but when it comes to God, it is 100% always worth it.

For Our Good & For His Glory–100% of the Time, ALWAYS

EVERYTHING He does or determines is ALWAYS for OUR good AND His glory. Every time. (Even when it doesn’t feel like it at all in the moment.) We can trust Him to know & see & understand what we can only presume to know.

What are you wrestling to surrender to Him right now?

What are you clinging to, determined not to let go?

What do you struggle trusting Him to take over?

Sometimes I’m Not So Good at Surrender

Will you be willing to pray for God to change your mind? Or, maybe start as I have to sometimes, with something like, “I don’t want to pray for You to change my mind, because I don’t want to change my mind… but help me to be willing to pray THAT at least. I know You ought to win, because You know better than me… I just don’t want You to win. Help me change that. Please forgive me & thank You that You always know better than me, even when I cannot see it one bit. Amen.”

***I have a section in the Resources & Recommendations tab on my website for “Prayers of Surrender.” If you are wrestling a certain area of life, please feel free to download one (or more) for free to print off (no strings attached, I promise) & help you to put into words the hurt you are feeling in your resistance to Surrender.***

Shine HOPE by letting God change your mind, letting Him have His way… even when you really want yours… trusting God is GOD & you are not & that everything He does or determines is ALWAYS for your good AND for His glory—Never one without the other.

Coming Next Week

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A Note from Michelle:

(***Check out my FREE Journal Printable Resources: “Accountability Partner Guide + Question Prompts” & “Bible Study Question Prompts ,” as well as “Prayers of Surrender” prayer guides!***)

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Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Consider these pieces when shopping for friends, family, or yourself. Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Mini Stud Set (INDIA)

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Love ya lots! Have a wonderful week living for His glory in all that you do!