Getting It Mixed Up

This post is meant for Christians addressing sin in other Christians.

In our quest to honor God with our lives we can easily mix up 2 important things:  We either tend to take on God’s roles by trying to be His gatekeepers as His judges & rule-givers, OR, we just want to stay out of one another’s business completely.

Sometimes, we view “living for God” as us being responsible for determining who is “sincere enough” or “changed enough” to qualify as a true Christian.

Is that our job? Nope.

But we are also dropping the ball if we do nothing at all.

Finding the Balance

So where’s the balance? Short answer: Pray about it & ask for God’s guidance, wisdom, & discernment to help you make the right choices with the right words at the right time (or even to help you check your facts, in case you have misunderstood the situation–humility is KEY).

We are called to love one another & serve one another with humility & kindness, pointing others to hope in Christ Jesus alone.

But, as humanity tends to do, we like to let the pendulum swing from one direction to another—when one way isn’t working, we tend to do the exact opposite instead of realizing what we really need is a healthy balance of BOTH (just not to the extremes that we were using with just one or the other).

We Need to Speak Up… In LOVE

So, when we realize that we are not meant to be the gatekeepers or judges for God, it can be easy to do quite the opposite & just keep our mouths shut about God altogether & let others live however they want.

This is where I think the verse, “Speak the truth, in LOVE” calls us to do BOTH.

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of Him who is the Head, that is, Christ.” (Ephesians 4:14-15) (Emphasis mine)

Let Iron Sharpen Iron

It is for our benefit to let “iron sharpen iron” & we deny that benefit to those we love when we keep things to ourselves.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17) (Emphasis mine)

What to Avoid

We are NOT called to nag them & keep coming at them. Pray, speak to them in humility & love, step back & pray some more.

We are NOT called to shame or embarrass them. Come with humility, recognizing that you are just as prone to sin, with your own personal shortcomings. You are not any better than them, even if you don’t struggle in the same way that they do.

We are NOT called to talk about their sin to others, thus slandering them. While a sin problem is a real problem, it is NOT a justification for spreading their struggles with others. Talk to them & God & that’s IT. (*If you need help: Speak to someone known for discretion who can give you godly counsel, like a pastor or another ministry leader at your church.*)

We are NOT called to be their Holy Spirit to tell them how to change. You can share personal testimony of how God has helped you overcome, but ultimately, God is intimate & deals with us on a personal basis. (*Advise them to follow up your conversation with prayer, rather than trying to push that they change your way.)

Keep in Mind…

Keep in mind that being called out on our own mistakes, struggles, & sin can hurt. We feel raw & vulnerable. It’s embarrassing… & we can easily want to cover it for no one to see ever again…. Be patient, kind, gentle, understanding, & loving when confronting another Christian about their sin.

We are all in need of grace. None of us are any better than anybody else because we each have our own weaknesses. Talk to them with the same humility with which you would hope someone would come to you about your own struggles, mistakes, & sin.

Standing Up for Truth… In LOVE

We ARE called to pray first & then talk to them, but only if your heart is truly in the right place (not trying to one-up them or call them out as a power trip, but with humility & grace).

We ARE called to share the gospel, aka our need for a Savior because of our sin AND Jesus’ fulfillment of that need. Don’t be shy about sharing where our hope comes from.

We ARE called to be patient, kind, gentle, loving, understanding, & PRAYERFUL.

We’re All a Work in Progress

Have you ever met a “baby” Christian who still had some bad habits? Like maybe they still had some curse words in their vocabulary? That doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t saved—but may just be a sanctification issue, aka they’re a work in progress just like us.

But we ALSO shouldn’t approve of mistakes either, as if the action is totally fine. There’s a HUGE difference between excusing sin as okay & being gracious to the person through the process.

“Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” (Proverbs 27:6)

Don’t Get It Twisted!

I know some of you aren’t going to like this next statement, but the popular t-shirt & home décor quote of: “I’m a Christian, but I cuss a little,” seems to be a spit in God’s face, because while everyone is still growing & being made more in the likeness of Jesus Christ (or should be aiming for that direction), we shouldn’t put our approval on that which hasn’t been cleaned up yet.

Embrace the person in their growth, but don’t embrace their mistakes along the way.

A better phrasing would be, “I’m a Christian who does cuss a little, but God is still working on me,” or something that shows grace in the progress, but also a desire FOR progress.

A Hard Balance That Requires MUCH Prayer

This is for sure a hard balance to walk in life.

We don’t want the Gospel taken lightly or misrepresented, but we also don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

Because of that, Satan can tend to tempt us into choosing one OR the other of, “Well, I need to make sure they are actually saved & get it right, so let me try to control the situation,” OR, “It’s not my business & I don’t want to hurt feelings, so I’ll just stay out of it completely.”

Instead, it needs to be approached with humility, grace, & love toward the other person… & saturated with MUCH prayer for God’s help & direction.

Embrace the Sinner, Not the Sin

Embrace the sinner, not the sin. LOVE the sinner, not the sin.

My friend & I like to jokingly call ourselves trash. We don’t call each other that, but ourselves, as a recognition that WE ALL NEED JESUS.

None of us is without room to grow in living a life that honors God & gives Him glory. We are ALL in need of further sanctification (aka being cleaned from the inside out to be more like Jesus Christ).

Understanding this allows us to approach the sin of others with graciousness, humility, & patience, knowing we are literally no better than they in God’s eyes, nor are they any less than us in God’s eyes.

But Knowing This…

But knowing this also spurns us, out of love & understanding, to want better for them… to see where they are missing out on God’s healing, strength, power, freedom, care, & love, & to do everything we can, in love, to help break them out of those chains to realize the MORE they can have in giving that over to God Almighty!

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” (Luke 6:41-42) (Emphasis mine)

That set of verses is NOT saying “Don’t speak up, because you have your OWN issues to deal with & theirs is not your business,” But rather, “Realize you are not better than them. Come with humility & graciousness & love, admitting to your own flaws & shortcomings.”

Step off from your soap box & join everyone else in admitting to your own flaws & mistakes. We may be trash, but we are incredibly loved by our great God JUST AS WE ARE. Jesus died for our trash BEFORE we got cleaned up. HE cleans us up!

What a gracious God we love to serve.

Speak Truth, In Love

So, stop the pendulum swing somewhere in the middle. Embrace the person, but confront the sin issue. If you do one without the other, you are not truly loving that person.

Truth without love is harshness & can push others away from the very Truth they need.

Love without truth is not really love at all, but a LIE.

What Is Love?

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy & can fathom all mysteries & all knowledge, & if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor & give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:1-7) (Emphasis mine)

This Is Important

Tell the truth, in love, & then turn the rest over to God. You are called to speak it, but not to force it.

If you tell & they don’t listen, that’s on them.

If you don’t tell, then you join their blame.

“When I [God] say to a wicked person, ‘You will surely die,’ & you do not warn them or speak out to dissuade them from their evil ways in order to save their life, that wicked person will die for their sin, & I will hold you accountable for their blood. But if you do warn the wicked person & they do not turn from their wickedness or from their evil ways, they will die for their sin; but you will have saved yourself.” (Ezekial 3:18-19)

Embrace the Sinner… Confront the Sin, IN LOVE

Embrace the sinner, not their sin. They are loved by God endlessly, dearly, & without condition… their SIN is their tormentor, liar, captor, punisher, & hollow enemy….

Embracing their sin is no love at all, for it keeps them bound & suffering.

Embrace THE PERSON & fight off their chains with prayers for God’s words, wisdom, courage, strength, & timing… & with Loving Truth.

“But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

Shine HOPE by sharing TRUTH in LOVE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Stargazer Set

This stunning necklace features a golden hammered half moon pendant with nine blue-grey tassels AND a matching bracelet.

Artisan Information:

In India, poverty is rampant & fair working conditions are hard to find. But with every purchase, women are receiving an income, access to healthcare, adult literacy programs, & self-help groups! Not only does this change their lives, but they are also pouring back into their communities & helping others! You have the opportunity to empower thousands of women in India!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Closing a Series, But God Is Always At Work

Well, this is it, the final week of our Pivot moments for this series.

I am sure God will continue to flip my world upside down to exchange the lies I have come to believe for His truth, but for the sake of this series of pivotal moments, this is the last… for now.

God Is Working a Masterpiece

Today, it will get dark again, before the light shines through the clouds, revealing a marvelous plan that God had all along, but that I just then began to realize was there.

That’s how it always works with God.

We tend to fret & stress & worry & fear, as if God doesn’t already have a plan to fit all of the pieces together, making a breath-taking masterpiece out of the messy “colors” we saw as chaos.

AND, He doesn’t leave it at that… He offers us comfort & peace & strength to endure the hardships that lead up to that marvelous reveal, as we lean into Him for it.

And that is how He worked as He led me through my struggles in both Guam AND Hokkaido.

God Was Working a Plan I Didn’t See

God was working a plan to show Himself to me in a way that I needed to see.

He needed me to learn that my gifting was simply His way of working through my life & had little to do with how much I may or may not have deserved it.

The Ugly Pride

First, I feel it important to let you in on the fact that I struggled (& still do struggle) with pride because of my gifting from God.

Because certain things oftentimes seem so obvious & easy to me, to see deeper insight into a situation to know God’s truth & how it needs to be applied or how someone is avoiding God’s truth in a certain area… I began to believe that it must be that I care more about God & truth than others.

I know, I know… it sounds arrogant just reading that.

But although I didn’t think of it as pride, but more that I felt alone in wanting to serve the truth, it just wasn’t true that my gifting was equal to my personal deserving of it.

An Undeserved Gift

My gifting was simply what it sounds like… a gift… from God. Did it make me more perceptive than some others? Perhaps. But I still had weaknesses where others had great strengths.

This particular area just happened to be MY strength, leaving me to need help from others with DIFFERENT strengths… the whole “body of Christ”/”body of the Church” idea. All of our strengths (“giftings”) WORK TOGETHER & are GIFTS from God—not earned or deserved.

Obviously, the more obedient & trusting we are to God, the more He will choose to work in & through our gifting, but the gifting itself is… just a GIFT.

All that to say, I obviously needed both a lesson in humility & a lesson in it being from HIM & not me.

Walking through the Valley

And to accomplish this pivot in my life, God chose to allow me to walk through hardship… namely, loneliness in Guam & a life of strain, where I had very little control, living in Japan, in an area with VERY LITTLE English.

Living in those two places brought me to a place of feeling like very little that I accomplished had anything to do with what I had earned or deserved.

I was mainly just trying to get through to the next day, only sometimes remembering to pray for the strength & peace & wisdom & guidance to navigate each day & instead, relying on television show marathons & food to get me through it.

And it got worse.

Starting to Have “The Talk”-About Depression & Potential Cries for Help

Near the end of those six years, I had to start having a lot of conversations with Jamie about my history with depression & that if it got bad enough, slipping by unnoticed until it consumed me, & if I admitted that to him & asked for help, that he needed to get me emergency help.

Luckily, it never reached emergency status, but I guess in a way it did.

Over time, in Hokkaido, the mental strain & stress of never understanding (pretty much anything) of the world around me began to take a serious toll on my mind.

I began having emotional breakdowns over the smallest things.

I felt BROKEN, like a person who couldn’t function like a normal human being.

Paper-Thin Patience

To better express the strain… if I dropped an item once, even a small, slip-through-my-fingers drop… it required a deep breath of resolve to just pick it back up…. But a second drop? The item would get picked up with lightning speed & chucked at the nearest wall.

Patience was worn thin every moment. I had zero patience.

I crumbled at the slightest aggravation or inconvenience.

I cried or screamed or cursed so loud that I didn’t care if the whole world heard.

And I felt broken.

Broken

I understood this wasn’t normal. I understood that the average human being can manage to pick something up that had dropped just twice without feeling hatred explode out of her.

But I couldn’t stop it. I felt like something in me had short-circuited & I could no longer filter frustrations through logic & calm reserve to try again.

I just immediately would snap, without even considering it first or thinking it through.

It scared me how little control I had over my own brain & how it reacted to even minor difficulties.

And yet, through all of that, I felt God’s hand on me… as if He was reassuring me that He wouldn’t let go… that He had me still.

God Wasn’t Answering MY Way, So I Felt Forgotten

But I eventually stopped praying.

I felt deserted by God because the pain only got worse & the control over my own emotions melted slowly away.

I was trapped in a mental typhoon that swirled everything together & knocked all sense out of my life.

I was exhausted & frustrated. I felt broken & no longer whole or “normal” & I saw ZERO way to repair or fix it.

Every attempt seemed to laugh at me.

My prayers went “unanswered.”

Bitterness grew into an angry, snarling, jaded voice that screamed for relief at every corner.

Streaming Curse Words

I saw God walking beside me, in a sense, feeling Him there… but He wasn’t making all the pain stop. He wasn’t repairing my mind. He wasn’t calming the storm raging inside me.

So, I cried. A LOT.

My second (inner) language became strung-together curse words, screamed inside my mind.

I couldn’t turn off the rage that was starting to consume me, like a rage monster tearing away at me from the inside, bellowing its fierceness from within me.

Professional Help, Please!

As I finally confessed this inner battle to Jamie, upon our decision-making to stay in Hokkaido or move on, I told him the truth, “Jamie, I am really struggling. Either I need a professional counselor, or we need to leave to go somewhere less stressful on my brain. I need help.”

So, we moved to Misawa, Japan, near an American military base & the stress began to recede.

Even With My NOTHING

God showed me that even WHILE I was feeling broken & unfixable, bitter instead of trusting, & barely surviving through my mental typhoon each day, that He STILL chose to work through my life to bless others through my gifting.

In other words, EVEN WHEN I did NOTHING to earn or deserve anything, He still allowed me to be a blessing to others through HIS gifting.

Ex Nihilo

I used to think that it was up to us to bring the best of what we have & to be the best at everything ALL THE TIME & be everyone’s EVERYTHING, & ONLY THEN can God do miraculous, wonderful things in & through our lives.

BUT… in my failing… in my brokenness… in my falling apart… when I felt I had nothing to offer Him… HE STILL DID Mighty things, through ME!!

Like He showed us through Creation… God can do AMAZING things EX NIHILO (“From Nothing”).

Not Us, But HIM, THROUGH US

My gifting & my ability to bless others how He chooses to work through me, is not because I have proven any better than other people… but because He is a Mighty & Awesome & LOVING God who does great things despite my unworthiness, because He loves us so incredibly much.

He can take our NOTHING & make it a MASTERPIECE.

His Grace IS Sufficient

Even if our “leaning into Him” is as a paralytic who cannot even hold themselves up, HE HOLDS US UP in His strength, His mercy, His love, His power, His goodness, His forgiveness, His saving, HIS GRACE.

If you recognize a gifting God has given you when you chose to put your faith in Jesus as the Master & Redeemer of your life, learn from my mistakes… bow them at His feet & thank Him for blessing you with a way to bless others, through HIS GIFTING.

And then lean into Him to best use that gift to honor Him & to bring Him glory, by making Him famous wherever you go, loving others to Jesus, through truth & faith in Him. He will help you as you lean into Him.

Shine HOPE, by giving Him the little you have & letting Him multiply it, even if it feels as if you have little to nothing to offer Him… by LEANING INTO HIM.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Iris Earrings

Iridescent pink crystal beads sway on these golden teardrop hoops.

Artisan Information:

In Peru, rural citizens have been affected by extreme poverty & guerrilla warfare. Women are affected the worst as their husbands generally leave them in search of work. Many are unable to get the basic needs of food, shelter, & clothing. But with every purchase of this product, women are finding hope & an income by hand-making this beautiful product. Because of you, these family businesses are now empowering the next generation!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Peru!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!