Cancelled Plans

Today has been a weird day for me. I had planned to continue writing about doubts this week, but in light of my day, I wanted to hit pause & take a detour.

I was supposed to be heading to Tokyo this morning & enjoying a fun anniversary week at Disney. I was excited.

A couple days ago, I would have gotten a massage for a great price on base, gone for an anniversary pedicure, & received a fresh haircut to liven up my hair a bit.

I would have done my own nails Disney-style (probably Minnie Mouse) & packed my Hakuna Matata shirt & rose gold Minnie ears for our exciting trip.

I would have eaten Guzman y Gomez Mexican food for dinner (a big deal since Mexican food is very uncommonly found in Japan) & my husband & I would have enjoyed the peaceful atmosphere of Ikspiari (a Disney-owned mall near there).

I would probably be exhausted, but I would be happy, excited for the week ahead.

But the virus came & our flight got refunded & here we are at home.

Things I Know…

I know it is such a tiny thing to complain about in light of people getting sick & losing jobs & losing hard-earned businesses they worked hard to own.

I know I have so many blessings to appreciate in my life, like a husband who maybe isn’t perfect (but neither am I) but who loves me & who I can enjoy long walks, talks, & laughter with & I know that not everyone has that.

I know God is good & that He has a plan in all of this. I KNOW that. I know He is still at work & is using this upset in our lives to draw us into His loving arms & to let go of trying to hold the world together on our own.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

But, on top of my missed trip, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, as the saying goes.

It has been a series of unfortunate events/circumstances today. I won’t bore you or bog you down with the details, but they’re all minor inconveniences that have just added up to act as sand or salt in an already present wound.

Showing Up, But Never Perfect

Like I said, I attempted to start my post on Part 2 of Countering Doubts with Truth, but today, I just needed you to know that I don’t have it all together. I have hard days sometimes, too. I don’t always handle them with grace & patience, either.

I have grumpy days & days where my stubborn heart crosses its “arms” as if to say, “I don’t want to be cheered up. I just want to mope today.” Anyone relate?

In the Past… But Not Today, Satan

But I refuse to allow this to be a foothold for Satan to make me doubt God’s goodness & love.

In the past, I would have wondered if God even cares about my hurt feelings or my struggle. I would have wondered if He even cares about me, knowing it meant a lot to me.

I would have doubted that God COULD even help me.

I would have felt that I had experienced “too much” good & that God was evening the scales a bit. (He doesn’t do that.)

But not today.

God’s Blessings in the Good AND the Bad

We tend to give God credit for blessings when all in our life is going smoothly & well—in other words, when life is going OUR way. “God is so GOOD! AMEN! Hallelujah!”

But what about when it’s not? What then?

Where is He then?

He is in your cries. He is in your heartache with you.

God Loves Us & Cares for Us, Even THROUGH Our Heartaches

We’re not promised that life will always go OUR way.

We ARE promised a whole heck of a lot about how much God loves & cares for us, though.

If you don’t believe me, read the Bible.

If you still don’t believe me, ask God to show you Himself. He can & He will.

He Is Still Faithful

Today is not the easiest day for me. I’m not handling it well. I am insisting on a bad attitude when I know I could let Him help me right it.

But He is still faithful & still standing by, as it were, to offer me His mighty yet gentle hand.

Yes, I don’t get my way today, neither with my big anniversary plans, nor with the little annoyances that keep disrupting my day.

BUT, I can slump into Him & I can cry & He will hear me & love me through it.

He Will Love Me through It

In the hurt & disappointments & cancelled plans, He will show me I can trust Him & His big picture plan, even if I don’t understand why things feel so wrong & hard for me right now.

He won’t tell me to tough it up. He understands.

He will just let me lean on Him in all my weakness & pathetic stubbornness… & He will love me.

He Will Show Me

He will show me that life doesn’t have to go perfectly for me to be perfectly loved.

He will show me that life doesn’t have to go my way for it to work out best, because HE knows best.

He will show me that when I am weak, I am strong, because it is then that I stop clinging to myself for hope & start looking to Him for it.

Not my plans, but His.

Not my way, but His.

He loves me. He is mighty. He is gentle & kind.

He is faithful even when I am faithless.

He gently lifts my chin up to Him & whispers over me, “I know, “one I love”, I know. I see you. I am here. I am enough. Lean into me. I love you so much. Trust me & cling to me. I’ve got you.”

A Prayer of Thanks-In the Midst of the Gloom, God Still Blesses

Thank You, God, for not requiring me to be “with it” all the time. Thank You for loving me even in my less than pretty moments. Thank You for being faithful always & for Your all-wise, all-knowing, love-wrapped plan. Thank You that I can still trust You even when my plans fail. Thank You for all You do that I don’t give You credit for. Thank You for loving me when I have an ugly heart. You are steadfast & sure. You are reliable & kind & so powerful. And yet, you love me. Thank YOU. Help me in my gloomy days to always see the light of hope I have in You. This is my temporary home, a mere shadow of the glorious place where You are that I will one day see & call my forever home. Thank You for all You have done, are doing, & will do. You are God. You are eternal. You are LOVE. THANK YOU! Amen.

It’s okay to have weak days.

Cling to Him, slump into Him, cry out to Him. He is listening & He loves you dearly… ALWAYS.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Truth Earrings

These incredibly light earrings are made with genuine local capiz shell.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchase, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Resisting the Urge to Avoid

Isn’t this a fun thing to consider (Note the sarcasm)? The idea of finding comfort in being uncomfortable?

I don’t know about you, but for me, I would rather AVOID being uncomfortable.

Whether it be a person who grates me or is constantly bringing up controversial topics, or even the thought of doing something uncomfortable that God has asked of me (like running a blog or loving my enemy, for example)… I would rather say, “No thanks!” & carry on without it. This concept of getting comfortable being uncomfortable may seem like the opposite of a good idea to you, too. Trust me, it’s not such a fun thing for me to consider either.

Growing in Complacency or TRUST?

I like comfort just as much as anyone else, if not more.

But one thing that running my blog has taught me is that I need to lean into my discomfort more than striving for more comfort.

One thing that comfort does for many of us is a growing complacency, built on trusting what we feel like doing or what we feel capable of doing, versus trusting an infinite God to help us overcome & do more than we already feel comfortable doing.

A Constant Need for Surrender is Not Comfortable, But It Is Filled with Many Blessings

This may or may not come as a surprise to you, but running my blog is not a comfort zone for me. I do not feel ready to go each week, jumping at the bit to write. It’s a constant surrender for me.

My desire for comfort coupled with my constant need to surrender that comfort to God in order to run this blog means that I have tried unsuccessfully to talk myself out of continuing my blog countless times.

Even today, I spent most of the day doing everything but work on this post for this week. It will be published in about 5 hours & I am just now starting it.

Why Keep Going if It Takes Continual Surrendered Discomfort?

So why do it? Why keep doing something that I don’t always feel comfortable/confident doing?

Because every time I pray about it, I feel God patiently & gently nudging me to be a light for Him, to point others to Him, & to surrender my unwillingness & ask for His help instead of avoiding it altogether.

And here comes the whole point of today’s post.

Sometimes God Asks Us Out of Our Comfort Zones to Teach Us That He Is Enough EVEN THERE

Sometimes God asks us to do things outside of our comfort zones (Moses is a great example of this because he kept saying, “But, I…”) & obey in faith. Faith in Whom? In HIM.

It is completely human nature to seek comfort… even if your comfort is living as a thrill-seeker (just fyi–NOT my comfort zone, haha), but feeling discomfort being still & quiet.

We cling to where & what & with whom we feel most comfortable.

But God wants us to learn to cling to HIM.

And Yet We Still Fight It. Why?

*Sigh* I know this & yet I still fight it.

I KNOW He has infinite wisdom & can impart it to me to help guide me in decisions, etc.

I KNOW He has limitless resources & can fulfill a need if I but ask, when seeking to live for Him.

I KNOW He created me & all things & is limitless, infinite, Almighty God.

And yet, I still cling to everything else right in front of me for what makes me most comfortable.

Trusting God with the unknown is scary, but living in fear is no real way to live when God offers us His perfect love to cast out that paralyzing fear.

Embrace Your Weaknesses As Reminders to Turn to Him for Help

I am learning (to try) to embrace feeling uncomfortable. Instead of freezing up or avoiding it altogether, I am learning to just stop & ask God for help in accomplishing it.

Here is an example of how I cling to Him in my urge to avoid discomfort:

“God, I don’t feel like doing my blog today. I know I am being lazy & just trying to get out of doing work so I can relax & avoid anything uncomfortable, but I still feel like ditching it for tv binge watching instead. I know that You put this blog on my heart as a way to encourage others toward the hope that can only be found in You, but I want lazy! Please help me adjust my attitude because I can’t seem to do it. Please help give me words of encouragement to point to You. Please motivate & encourage me. Help me get over this hump. I know You are infinitely more powerful than me. I know Your wisdom has no end. So please help me. Help me to honor You through this & help me to trust You when it’s easier to quit. AMEN.

Reaching Our Limits Leads Us to Need & Rely on HIM

It’s okay to reach the end of yourself. Every human is limited. Every human struggles with clinging to comfort.

But God is bigger than us. He can help us with His strength as we lean into Him.

So, lean into Him.

Learn to be comfortable in the discomfort, knowing that it is simply a reminder that He is right there, willing & able to help you live for Him & to live in a way that honors Him & brings Him glory.

Because He is enough. Always. 100%.

And here I am finishing my post for this week. NOT because I am a super self-motivated, self-disciplined person, but because I took my lazy, ready-to-quit attitude to Him & asked for His help.

Shine Hope by not shying away from (AKA avoiding) discomfort, but by facing it in HIS strength, wisdom, & power through asking for HIS HELP.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Petal Necklace (& Petal Stud Earrings)

This cubic zirconia floral pendant hangs from an antique golden chain and pairs perfectly with the Petal Stud Earrings.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Not a New Question

This question of “where is God when I am suffering?” is not a new question.

In fact, it is asked by David in many of the Psalms as David is crying out, hurting, feeling alone & betrayed & attacked from everywhere all at once.

It is a human question, one that every person is tempted to feel at one point or another. (I can’t tell you HOW MANY TIMES I have cried this same question in my hurts.)

It’s a hard question to answer, I will tell you that. But one thing I am certain of, just like David always came back to this Truth, that when my help comes, it will be of the Lord.

He Never Leaves Us Nor Forsakes Us… Even When We Are Hurt

Does that mean He is ignoring us or forgetting us in the meantime? … Although it may feel like that sometimes, the answer is a strong “no”.

He will never forget or ignore us in our troubles. He loves you too darn much.

Our Blessings Can Also Come in the Form of Difficulties

Have you ever felt so caught up in life that when God jolts you out of your spiral, everything finally makes sense? God can use our difficulties to right our path.

A beautiful song that I like to think of when I consider this question of “WHERE ARE YOU, GOD!?” is “Blessings”, by Laura Story. (Go have a listen!)

Our blessings are not just in the absence of trouble, but in the peace, grace, comfort, strength, & power in the MIDST of that trouble.

And even more than that, as we lean into God through our struggles, God grows our character, faith, courage, peace, strength, & wisdom.

So Many Troubles. But, God.

Our troubles can come from many different places for many different reasons & His actions are always according to His perfect Wisdom in every situation (which we usually can’t see in the midst of our struggle).

He knows our needs. He knows our doubts. He knows our struggles & weaknesses & insecurities & fears & scars. And He knows what we need better than we know them ourselves.

He always answers our calls for help in His perfect Wisdom. ALWAYS. 100%.

Oftentimes we are missing out simply by begging God for the end of the trouble instead of clinging to Him & asking for His strength, love, peace, wisdom, hope, etc. to help us THROUGH it!

No matter the source of our troubles, whether it be in trying to keep our fast-spinning world in control in our own strength & wisdom, whether it be the results of living in a broken, sinful world, or whether it be the result of our own sin… He is good. He loves you. He hears you. He is able to bring you victory. He forgives. HE is able to bring you victory (worth repeating, WITH emphasis)… Not you believing harder or proving it more or being better… But HIS love, HIS grace, HIS wisdom, HIS strength, & HIS Almighty POWER.

Oh Hello… A Wake Up Call

I know that sometimes I need troubles to remind me to stop looking to myself or others as my answer. I need to remember He is there. He hears me. He is able. I need HIM.

Our troubles can sometimes come from our own self-focused (doing-it-my-way) actions… a stress that rears its ugly head when we are trying to keep it all together, weighing us down… & God often allows friction in our lives to remind us that we are NOT in control of our own lives & that He is KING.

We are loved by the King & because of this, His desire is not for us to scramble through all of life always trying to maintain control when He already holds perfect control. He wants us to know we can rest in that & have perfect, unmovable peace.

We usually cannot understand that peace until we are faced with a situation beyond our control & we then turn to & lean into God as our help. When we turn to Him instead of ourselves, we are able to be profoundly introduced to or reminded of the fact that God has it completely under control (even when it seemed impossible to us).

He is waiting for us to fall into His arms so we can know the fullness of His power & sovereignty, & love for us through it all.

It’s a Broken World We Live In… A Temporary Home

Secondly, God doesn’t promise us a life of ease & comfort, (even though we really think we want that).

In fact, God knows we will face pain because that is the direct result of sin in the world. In other words, He tells us what not to do because He knows sovereignly that those things hurt us, whether we get that or not… but we live in a world of those wrong choices. We live in a world broken by sin….

As a result, life is just HARD sometimes. Unbearably so, even, sometimes. Another reminder that we need Jesus… & to look at this earth as our temporary home, longing for the day we enter into eternity with our Savior where there will be no more tears & only LOVE & PEACE & JOY.

We Have an Enemy… But, God.

On top of that, the Bible tells us that Satan spends his time prowling the earth, looking to whom he may kill & destroy. We have a spiritual enemy at odds against us, wanting to watch us crash & burn, or at least to convince us to doubt God & to turn from God’s hope & grace through Christ (resulting in US paying our own penalty to sin—DEATH aka HELL, instead of having Christ cover us with His payment on our behalf!).

Don’t let your doubts & bitterness become so poisonous that Satan convinces you that you’re better off on your own. You’re not.

Our Only Taste of Hell… or Heaven… Your Choice

A pastor once made it clearer this way, (paraphrasing here), “If you have accepted Jesus as your Savior to cover the payment of your sin, your time on earth will be the closest thing you experience to Hell because it is broken by sin. If you reject Jesus, earth will be the closest thing you experience to Heaven, because on earth, God still blesses the righteous & the unrighteous, but in Hell, you will be completely separated from God’s love & goodness.”

What a clear reminder!

And We Can’t Forget Our Own Sin/Fault

And still is the subject of our own sin… our own wrongs.

No one can claim a sinless life except Jesus Christ who paid our debt before God on the cross!

And we should ALWAYS remember that while we are breathing, there is ALWAYS an opportunity for grace, mercy, & HOPE… & VICTORY.

A wonderful quote I read recently said that because we ALL SIN, our DEFAULT destination is Hell… & that we ALL NEED a Savior who will pay our debt on our behalf aka JESUS.

Sin Has Consequences, Now & in Eternity… Trust in Jesus & Ask for Grace

I also heard the wonderful quote that “the question is not, “why would a Good God send anyone to Hell?” but rather, “why would anyone CHOOSE Hell over a Good God?” because God gave a way out for EVERY SINGLE PERSON, through Jesus, to ALL WHO CONFESS their sins & ACCEPT Christ.”

Sin has consequences, & all of them hurt us, others, AND God. But eternal consequences can be covered by Jesus & God forgives & gives mercy now when we turn to Him.

Hurts from our sin is inevitable (that’s why God commands us to avoid them!)

Turn to Him, Cry Out to Him, Ask for His Help THROUGH the Storm

So, if you are hurting right now, maybe even feeling like the world is crumbling around you, confess what you need to confess, ask for God’s forgiveness & mercy & grace. If you know you haven’t sinned, then consider that God is in the midst of the hurt with you & He will help you THROUGH it IF you ask Him for His help in it.

So, ASK HIM!

Don’t let Satan convince you that the way to solve your problems is to turn your back on the only One who has any chance to truly help you overcome, heal, & carry on in victory!

Shine HOPE by taking your pain to the feet of Jesus. Confess &/or Ask for help from our Almighty GOD.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Northern Lights Bracelet (& Earrings)

Layered in natural labradorite stone, this timeless style will add elegance to any outfit.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Not Everyone Feels Jolly & That Is Okay

As Christmas fast approaches, I am reminded of those who are dreading this time of year… Not because they hate Christmas, but because they hate doing Christmas without a person whom they have lost or because they have to do Christmas alone or away from family this year.

The holidays put so much pressure on us to be with family & loved ones… & when that cannot happen for one reason or another, it can be so painful to bear.

God sees you, too. Even in the heartache that seems too thick to swallow, He sees you.

Your Heartache Matters to God

I want to take this week to speak to those of you who are feeling that dense, hard-to-swallow pain this time of year, because I know that your heartache matters to God.

It’s important to point out that God does not expect us to never be sad or hurt. We don’t have to stuff down our pain & pretend it doesn’t exist. God doesn’t shame us in our heartbreak.

If anyone doubts this, they only have to read Ecclesiastes to see despair spilled over its pages.

Finding Hope in the Darkness

Life can be hard, there is no denying that.

But in finishing up the book of Ecclesiastes, in all of the author’s woes of despair & meaninglessness, he ends the book by prompting us to follow & obey God—the way of life that brings meaning to the hurt.

Life may not always be pretty or comfortable or easy or full of laughter, but we can be guaranteed that God is with us through it all. He is our enough in the midst of the heartache.

Cling. Cry Out. He Is Listening.

Cling to Him. Cry out to Him. Pour out your heart to His listening ears. God can handle your pain.

Ask for Him to be your comfort & strength & hope in the midst of your deep pain.

Because while we are not promised a life of comfort & ease, we are promised that He is enough to carry us through the fires & storms & aches of life.

Your source of hope in the midst of the tears will always be Him.

Let Him…

He cares for you. He sees you. He is able. He is enough.

Let Him fill where you feel void & empty.

Let His love be a balm on your weary heart.

Let His strength help you rise above the brambles.

Let His power carry your broken heart.

Let His comfort ease your burdens.

His Words, Not Mine

(Emphasis in the following verses is mine.)

“But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.” (Ephesians 2:4-5)

“But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)

“He heals the brokenhearted & binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)

“He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.” (Psalm 23:2)

“Come to Me, all who labor & are heavy laden, & I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

“God is our refuge & strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1)

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy & peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” (Romans 15:13)

“Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22-23)

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” (Isaiah 26:3)

“Come to me, all who labor & are heavy laden, & I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, & learn from Me, for I am gentle & lowly in heart, & you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, & My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

“I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice & my pleas for mercy. Because He inclined His ear to me, therefore I will call on Him as long as I live.” (Psalm 116:1-2)

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin & death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh & for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.” (Romans 8:1-6)

Shine Hope by Leaning into Him

It doesn’t have to look pretty. You don’t have to get yourself together first. Come to Him in the mess. Pour out your sorrows to Him because He cares for you. He is listening & He sees you.

You are not alone, for He is with you always, even to the end of the age.

Come to Jesus & find Life, even in the midst of your great sorrows.

He sees you & He loves you more than words could ever express. <3

Merry Christmas.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Nairobi Necklace

Small hammered ovals & ethically sourced bone shapes adorn this golden necklace that shimmers in the light. Crafted in Kenya.

Artisan Information:

In Kenya, where many people struggle with starvation & poverty, the women we partner with are defying the odds! Your purchase empowers these women to earn an income, overcome physical disabilities, & become important parts of their communities!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Kenya!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

It’s so easy
To see this world
As dark & dreary…
A lost & broken world

So much hurt
and so much heartache
A mere shadow…
Of all that was meant to be

But there’s hope
In the darkness
When we cling
To the Light

Walking hand in hand (with Christ)
In peace & love
Trusting Him as God
And us as His beloved

He longs… for our hearts
He wants us to know His love
He longs to offer us
A life that was always meant for us

Not in getting our own way
But in yielding to His
Not in owning the whole world
But enjoying His creation

Because there’s hope
In the darkness
When we cling
To the Light

Hand in hand
As we let Him lead us
Bowing down our hearts
To His great, enduring love

There is freedom in surrender
Letting Him wash us clean
Restoring in forgiveness
To a Hope found just in Him

So, don’t spend your life wasted
Pushing back against His love
But surrender in safety
To His sorrow-quenching love

Because there’s hope
In the darkness
As we cling
To the Light

Hand in hand
We love & trust Him
Letting Him to be the King
Over our created life

So, obey in trust
And let Him lead
As His love washes
Over everything

And the mystery of surrender
Is that when we finally yield
We find that we find salvation
And that then we’re finally free

Because there’s hope
In the darkness
When we cling
To the Light

So, cling to the Light of Christ
Surrender it all to His love
And find your restoration
To peace & hope in Him for all eternity long.

Coming Next Week

I hope you enjoyed this month’s Special Feature post, featured every last Thursday of the month!

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Worthy Necklace

Beautifully delicate in design, this rose gold plated chain displays a light pink rose quartz stone. Crafted in India.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, and receive education and healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Blinders

We often go through life never questioning what we see & do every day, not even aware that there could be any other way… because it’s simply what we’ve always “known” to be true….

But God tells us NOT to trust what we see, but instead to trust HIM & His Truth (the Bible)—& that’s what my recent pivotal moments series was all about—seeing that God knows more than I do, corresponding with major perspective shifts of trusting His way over my own.

“Blessed Are the Poor in Spirit”

For example, the Bible says, in Matthew 5 “Blessed are the poor in spirit.” NOT “blessed are those who beat up on themselves inwardly, are shy, self-deprecating….” But rather, “Blessed are those who recognize their own depravity, that there is absolutely NOTHING they can do to earn their own redemption, but that Jesus Christ Himself paid their debt FOR them (IN FULL) & now all they have to do is lean into HIM for hope, versus STRAINING & FAKING to try to be good enough on their own, ever failing at those efforts, because Christ already paid IN FULL!”

It seems impossible to feel blessed in recognizing our own depravity & owning up to it… but in it comes so much richness of freedom when we replace our tireless efforts with God’s heroic rescue & love for our souls, giving healing, peace, strength, renewal, a fresh start, & eternal redemption in exchange for us placing our hope in Him.

I’ve Got This!

My whole life, I wanted (& still often want) to feel capable & assured in & of myself. I mean, who doesn’t?

It feels safe & comfortable & “reliable” to feel like our security, peace, & hope can be produced by us, rather than taking the risk of relying on others for it.

We always hear slogans centered on the idea that we can make our dream a reality, that it’s up to us…. That we are “good enough”.

But somehow, those ideas, reassuringly soothing as they may sound on the surface, always seem to fall short when brought into reality.

Why? Because we all know, deep down, that we will fail even ourselves.

We know we are NOT enough.

And there is freedom & blessedness in coming to that realization… when we also realize that God IS enough FOR us.

God As Our Hope

We don’t have to produce our own hope. God is our hope, through Christ.

We have all been let down. We have all experienced the mistakes & failures of others (as well as the let downs of our own failures & mistakes).

A lot of trauma can come from someone else’s “good intentions” when those good intentions went wrong because they were based on human understanding/logic versus yielding in submission to the guidance of the Holy Spirit, through prayer.

It’s just life. It’s just us doing the best we know.

But blessedness comes in knowing that God is in control, not us & not anyone else… & even more so in recognizing that we cannot save ourselves, but He can.

Not a Jab at You, But a RELIEF

Submitting to that Truth brings such relief. It takes the pressure off of our own shoulders to always be enough for ourselves & for everyone else (including God), & allows us the breathing space to accept that we were never meant to be enough… that God is already enough FOR US & that’s the very reason that the hope found in Jesus is so liberating!

Keep Reminding Yourself

Take a deep breath, Lovely, & let it out slowly.

Do it again. Take a deep breath… & let it out slowly.

Close your eyes & tell yourself, “I don’t have to be “enough” because God is enough FOR ME. He paid my debt to set me free. He offers HIS comfort, HIS strength, HIS power, HIS wisdom, HIS guidance, HIS HOPE. I don’t have to be enough. He is enough already & always will be.”

Release yourself from the lies we grew up believing & trust God as your path to hope, through Christ’s sacrifice for you.

Magnify the Magnificent with Your Life

Should we strive to live in a way that magnifies His name & demonstrates His love for this hurting world? Yes. Does it secure our salvation or earn us God’s love? No. We already have that if we have put our trust in Jesus.

So, find blessedness in your depravity today & every day.

You’re Right… I’m Not Enough… But God Is, & That’s Why I Need Him

And when Satan tries to tell you, “Give up! You’re never good enough! You always fail everybody! You are not enough!”

Well then, sister, you stand up tall, square your shoulders & you remind him & yourself, by saying, “You’re right. I am not enough. I am frail & I mess up often, but you know what… I was never meant to be enough. That is why I need Jesus’ sacrifice, God’s grace, & the help of the Holy Spirit. He is enough FOR ME. So, you’re right, Satan, I am not enough… but that’s okay because Jesus is!”

I heard that scenario on the radio one day as someone retold this realization & turning point in their life from letting Satan beat him up in his failures to claiming Jesus’ victory & it always stuck with me.

“You’re right, Satan. I’m not enough. But Jesus is, & that is the exact reason why I need Him.”

And He is enough for you, too.

Accept Your Depravity… Knowing Your Hope Is in Jesus

So, cling to Him. Accept your depravity. Don’t beat yourself up because you were never meant to be enough.

And, above all, trust in the enoughness of God Almighty, Jesus our Redeemer, & the wisdom, comfort, strength, & guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Learn to rely on yourself less & on Him more & more every day.

Because that, Lovely, is where you find your blessedness.

Shine Hope In Him.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Chelsie Necklace

This curved bar necklace features gold & rose gold tones. Hanging from a gold colored chain, this piece was named after one of our co-founders because of her golden & modern style, along with her passion for using sustainable business to end poverty.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The Complexities of Wanting Love

“Love”, oh what a wonderful topic to think about….

Or maybe it just seems elusive to you, a wish you wish for, but you feel is an impossible reality.

Or maybe yet, you have been hurt by love & either fear it or just feel jaded by it.

Well, all of the above describe how I once felt about LOVE.

Cue the Meet Cute

And then, I met someone who helped me open my heart to all of the beauty & joy & adventure of love… & no, I’m not talking about my husband (I didn’t know him yet).

And no, I am also not talking about God.

I am talking about a guy I met soon after high school.

This is not a typical love story though, because while I felt I had met the boy of my dreams, we never had a happily ever after.

Afraid of Love

I grew up with an unhealthy fear of long-term relationships.

I assumed they all fail… that one side would inevitably lose interest or feel trapped in the relationship… that some fights or disagreements would end up being unsolvable… that rifts form & that lusting after others through porn, flirtation, or adultery would always happen eventually.

I assumed I was too difficult to be loved… not pretty enough…  too emotional… too much of a mess… too insecure… too much of a talker… too unlovable… & that eventually, any guy who married me would figure that all out & want out.

In other words, I assumed it was only a matter of time before my heart was crushed, if I gave my heart to love someone.

Because of this, I was afraid to love. I was afraid to get attached.

I prayed over relationships, wanting so badly for love to be a possible reality for me.

Oh, What a Feeling!

And then I met him… a guy who opened my heart.

I felt so in love. I cherished every long phone conversation & was elated at every chance to spend even a few moments with him.

I shared my heart, my deepest fears & hurts… & he did the same.

He was kind & caring & took care of me. He was a wonderful friend.

I wanted so badly to love him forever & to finally break free of the fear. I wanted to marry him.

I wanted to believe he could really love me forever.

And I am sure he would have.

I trusted him & cared for him more than I ever believed I could care about someone.

But I broke his heart.

I Thought I Knew

I was ready to go all in… to trust him with my heart & to start talking about marriage.

I was ready to follow him anywhere & leave my fears behind.

I was ready to beat the odds with the man I loved so much.

I wanted to marry him more than I had ever wanted anything.

But I broke his heart.

I kept praying about our relationship.

“God, please let me marry him! I love him so much! I trust him & care about him, even at his worst. He is so kind & so good to me. I can tell him anything & know that he cares for me. Please let me feel peace to push through the fear & marry him. I want to spend my life with him. He means so much to me. Please, please, please!”

But every time I sought God’s peace & blessing to spend my life with this wonderful friend, I felt a brick wall.

“Just Keep Praying,” I Thought… “Maybe God Will Change His Mind”

I couldn’t move past the feeling of unrest, an obvious, unsettled lack of peace in my heart.

So, I kept praying through the weeks & months we were together, unwilling to let go of the man I loved so much based on a current lack of peace.

I assumed the peace would come eventually, if I just held on & kept praying.

But it never came.

The dread started seeping in, as I realized that I didn’t feel God was ever going to be giving His blessing–His blessing, based on His omniscient, all-wise, over-all perspective.

But, God.…! Pleeeaase!

I hurt so many nights after a day well spend with the man I loved so much. I grieved the potential break up I felt God was edging me toward.

I felt as if God was gently trying to pry my fingers off of what I was clinging to so tightly… my desire to spend my life with the man I loved.

And I didn’t want to let Him.

I wanted to beg Him to change His mind.

I didn’t understand why God would let me love someone so much & not let me be with him. It felt so unfair.

No Matter the Reason, Yet I Will Trust Him

I knew this man didn’t trust in God, but I thought that could change as he got to know Him through our relationship.

I could feel my heart compromising my faith as I sought to be agreeable to the man I loved. But I thought I could overcome that.

But no matter God’s reasons, He was making it clear that my love & I were not the best match for each other, in some ways that I couldn’t even see myself.

And so, after many tears, much rebellious stalling (hoping to never have to leave him… hoping God would change His mind if I waited just a week longer), after seeing that God did not budge in allowing me peace to continue my relationship that I wanted so badly… I broke the heart of the man I loved.

Crushed… Shattered… Yet Not Hopeless

I knew he wouldn’t understand that I had gotten my answer from prayer, because he didn’t believe in God.

I didn’t want to explain why I had to do it, because I wanted him to trust God & not hate him.

And so, I let my love hate me instead.

And it crushed me… shattered me.

Collateral Damage

To make matters worse, I also leaned into a great friend for support, only to end up crushing his heart as well, when my love returned & I left my friend behind, not knowing his care for me was more romantic than friendship.

And when my love had returned, I was sure this time God would say yes this time around. But He didn’t… & I had to crush his heart & mine a second time.

I lost two people I cared for SO MUCH within a short time.

Not only did I have to walk away from someone I cared so strongly for, but I let him believe I didn’t love him as much as I did, in order to protect his potential future trust in God, the only One who could ever love him the way that he really needed.

Crawling Out from the Wreckage… Finding Hope

This heartbreak haunted me for about 5 years. I would check his Facebook once or twice a year just to relieve myself that he was happy & healthy & loved. I would cry when a movie reminded me of him (like Becoming Jane or Fever Pitch). I would wish that someday, God would bring us back together again… until he married someone else.

I have prayed for him consistently since then, that he would feel loved & cared for… that God would reach his heart & give him a kind of freedom & joy & peace like he’s never known. That God would guide him as a husband & father…. That he would come to Jesus & find lasting, sure hope.

I know now the story God had planned for me was my wonderful husband, Jamie, who loves me in a way that grows me as a human being & encourages me to lean into God with each trial, hurt, or obstacle. I know that God knew what He was doing because my husband & are so complementary in how we support each other. I wouldn’t trade my husband for the world!

But I didn’t know then.

I just had to blindly trust that if God was not going to give me peace, He had a reason.

God Always Knows… God Always Has a Plan… And He Loves Us Unconditionally

I lost someone I loved & I grieved for several years as if he had died, but God had a different plan for our lives & I know now that God knew what He was doing all along.

God always knows.

I know our hearts can be convincing, but God sees our full past, present, & future, with every facet & nuance & hidden trauma. He knows our God-given gifting & the plans He has built into our lives & our purpose.

He always knows best.

My love was real, but God knew better than me.

And I am so glad that I trusted God above my love for the man I loved so much.

Thankful I Listened

I will never stop praying for that man because of how much he once meant to me, but I know 100% that God had a better plan for the both of us & I am so thankful that I listened to God’s nudging on my heart to let go & trust God instead of my heart.

Always trust God before emotions, desires, & dreams… He always knows best.

He knows YOU best & He knows what is best for YOU. Trust Him first, always.

Shine hope, by bowing your will to His way & trusting Him with every step, every desire, every hurt, & every love. God’s got you.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Holly Necklace

Co-Founder Holly’s passion is to empower women to be all God created them to be & to live out their potential. Whether in the brothels of Asia to hometown USA, her desire is to see women live out their calling with pride & dignity. This piece is a reflection of the pride & skills a woman rescued from the brothels has when given the opportunity. A delicate piece, this golden/pink druzy necklace sparkles in the light.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Pivot Moments

These last couple weeks, I have begun taking you on a journey of major “Pivot” moments in my life.

In these moments of life change, God has shown Himself true & reliable & capable. He has been the love & grace & patience & power that has gotten me through & He is patiently guiding me to be the woman He made me to be.

Doubts to Darkness

This week, we are following through with the results of last week’s Pivot moment & the answers that finally squashed all of the doubts rattling my heart.

((To catch up from last week & read the story of my seemingly endless doubts, check out that post, here.))

So, after a year or two of doubting everything I once believed in about the simplicity of grace… depression hit me hard.

We’re about to dive headfirst into my darkest days, so hold on!

Shutting God Out & Choosing Me

You see, I had just spent about two years slowly training myself to shut out God’s voice of wisdom & warning from guiding me. I wanted to do it my way.

And now, I was in a raging, stormy sea without a life preserver, just struggling to survive on my own.

Depression became two long years of pain like I had never known before.

How It Began

I was a freshman, & then sophomore, in high school at this point, & my life was a mess of uncertainty & shame & fear & anger & hatred & loneliness & everything bad.

The cynical voice in my head had turned menacing & hurtful… telling me LIES that I believed, “Nobody likes you, you know. You’re not good enough for anybody. You’re an idiot. You’re fat & ugly. No one wants you. Their lives are harder because you’re alive. You complicate everything. Their lives are more peaceful & happier when you’re not here. Why are you here? No one wants you. You’re annoying. You’re too loud. You talk too much. Look at the mistakes you’ve made… you can’t undo them. You are a broken person who can’t be put together again. It would be better if you didn’t exist. You just make life harder for everyone. You would be doing everyone a service to not be here anymore. You can’t ever get anything right. Your family doesn’t want you. Your friends think you’re a joke. God doesn’t care about you either, if He even exists. You’re all alone. Why are you still here?”

Those lies were my every moment. I couldn’t shut them up or drown them out.

Trying to “Fake It Til I Make It”

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shut off those voices in my head telling me life would be better without me in it.

I got so tired of asking for advice from others… because it never helped.

I started plastering on a smile that never quite reached my eyes & pretending that I was fine & I could handle it.

But I couldn’t.

Fading Away in the Silence

I was chipping away… My resolve weakening every time I cried.

I would be sitting in class, listening to that endless reel of hateful dialogue in my head & my eyes would burn with hidden tears.

I would write my hurt & fears in journals, needing to tell SOMEONE, only to end up sobbing at the fact that that “someone” was paper because I didn’t feel like I had anyone who understood the hell inside my head.

Sometimes I thought about suicide.

No One Understood, Not Even Me

I would try to tell someone, only to be mocked or teased or brushed off.

I would plaster a smile on my face that never quite reached my eyes.

I felt numb & hated & unloved. I felt angry & hurt & alone. I felt LOST in my sea of doubts, unable to find steady ground to hold on to.

My Secret Tears

I would come home from school so many days, grab my kitty “Valentine”, & slowly, quietly close & lock my bedroom door trying not to draw attention to myself, duck into my closet, underneath my row of clothes hanging above me, close the closet doors to block out the sunlight (& the sound of my sobs), & then wail into a pillow I had brought in with me, hugging my cat tightly under the other arm.

I spent several days a week like this for two years & I don’t know if anyone ever even knew.

My Life Began to Fall Apart

I hated my life & everything in it because I felt so alone & so unloved & so worthless.

The menacing whisper never let up either. It followed me everywhere I went, never letting my heart rest.

I felt constantly beat up by a relentless wave of self-hatred.

My grades began plummeting. Relationships became strained.

I was losing faith in myself & others seemed to follow suit.

Pray, Girl, Pray! … But I Did!

At this point, you might be thinking, “Michelle! Your advice is always ‘pray first!’ so why didn’t you do that???”

I prayed so much it hurt.

I felt that God had abandoned me… that my choices to slowly, gradually do things my own way had offended Him beyond repair.

I was a Christian who “knew” better & yet had still turned her back on God.

Why would He want me? … If He even existed (I wasn’t sure of anything anymore).

But I kept praying.

Is He Listening? Does He Care?

I wondered how God could love me & let me suffer.

I wondered if He had just created us & left us down here to suffer while He laughed & pointed out our failures.

I wondered if He was even real.

But I kept praying because I knew that if He was real, He’d be my only hope.

I Prayed… & I Hurt

If He was real, the way He describes Himself throughout the Bible, then He alone was powerful enough to clear my doubts & prove Himself as the one true God.

If He was real, He had the power to fix everything.

And yet, I kept hurting.

I kept hurting worse, with every day, or so it seemed to my breaking heart.

I felt alone.

Rays of Hope Broke Through

And there would come times where I thought I saw Him through the dark clouds that overtook me.

A ray of sunshine (of hope) would break through my heart.

I would think, “Hey, that seems to be God helping me… right when I asked Him for help, _______________ happened! Maybe God DOES care about us… about me!!!”

But the Doubts Always Seemed to Win

But then, another wave of darkness… I would brush off that ray of hope like a glitch… or maybe I had just felt stronger that day & had just thought it was God or maybe it’s because someone helped me other than God… or basically maybe it was anything but God.

So, I would keep praying. But I would keep trying to find hope my own way.

And things like that ray of hope would keep happening when I chose to pray.

And still I found a way to credit something else as the source… Something other than God.

I kept praying.

The Lost Man At Sea

Have you ever heard the story/joke about the man drowning, begging God to save Him?

Well, first someone throws him a life preserver, but he says, “No thank you! I am waiting for God to save me!”

Then a boat comes along & offers to rescue him as he screams to God for help… “No thank you!” he responds, “I am waiting for God to save me!”

Then a rescue helicopter comes & offers him a ladder to climb out of the choppy seas. “No thank you! I am waiting for God to save me!”

Well, eventually the man exhausts himself from treading water & crying out to God & the waves overtake him & he drowns at sea.

When he gets to heaven, he says, “God, why didn’t you save me?? I kept crying out to You!! Didn’t You hear me?? Didn’t You care?!?”

God patiently, gently rests His hand on the man’s shoulder & responds, “My son, I did hear you. I did listen. I sent you a life preserver, a boat, & finally a helicopter… But you didn’t accept any of it.”

That’s Where I Was… That’s What I Did

That was me during depression. I cried out to God. He responded. I accredited it to someone or something else & kept crying out to God to save me.

I would fall back into the darkness only to go back to relying on myself.

I doubted God too much to stay holding on to Him as my source for help because I didn’t know He was the One helping.

Thoughts of Suicide Became Plans for Suicide… But Then, GOD

And eventually, after years of asking (begging, through bleary eyes) for God to answer & clear up my doubts & to give me a true sense of hope & peace & security… I began to give up hope completely.

My temptation for suicide became more than just considerations… it became something that felt like my only hope.

No one wanted me (according to the lies in my head) & I wasn’t good for anything other than being a burden to everyone around me (again, the lies were ruthless & relentless).

No matter what I had tried to be strong enough, to smile through it, to think more positively, to ignore it, to find my own “happy”, to fight back, to be good enough… nothing EVER worked long term. They all crumbled eventually & they left me with nothing left to fight with.

I was done.

One Night… I Gave Up

And one night, through my desperate sobs, bringing me to my knees in my bedroom… Eventually weighing me down so much that I lay flat, face burrowed in the carpet…

I gave up fighting.

I was ready to die.

I was ready for the pain to stop because I couldn’t carry it anymore.

I didn’t feel I had any choice. I felt it was the merciful choice for a family & for friendships where I only caused them more drama, more burden, more pain.

I was ready to stop fighting. I had nothing left in me to try or to give.

I was tired & angry & hurt & felt unloved & invisible & mocked & ugly & fat & worthless & stupid & never good enough & weak & a burden. And I was so, so, SO tired.

One Night… I Stopped Trying to be “Strong Enough”

And as I lay there, face planted into the carpet, arms limp at my sides… legs lifeless… heart bleeding. No strength left to cry. Just numb & empty.

With barely a whisper worth of strength & hope left.

I prayed.

“God, don’t You hear me? Don’t I matter at all to You? Do You even exist? Are You laughing at me? Why won’t You help me? Why did You even make someone as worthless as me? [Sobs] I can’t do it anymore. I can’t fight. I have nothing left. If You are real, You are my ONLY option now nothing else works. My parents think I am drugged out. My sisters can’t seem to stand me… Many of my friends laugh at me like I’m a joke… My teachers don’t even bother anymore… I have nothing left. No one left. I can’t do it anymore, God. I’m not strong enough. If You really are God, You are my only hope. You are all that’s left. Please. Show me You are real, that You are near me & that You care for me. And if You can’t do that, kill me because I give up trying to be strong enough. Be my everything or let me die.”

One Night… God Changed EVERYTHING

And as my prayer faded… it happened.

Every ounce of hatred, of pain, loneliness, fear, doubt, anger, sadness, despair, sorrow, & everything that had pressed me down & down until I couldn’t stand anymore… EVERYTHING vanished in a single instant.

I felt a full breath of hope fill my lungs.

I felt goosebumps dance across every inch of skin.

I felt hope & love & joy & peace flood me like a rushing surge of water, racing to fill every broken place within me.

I felt FREE….

A smile danced at the corner of my mouth, erasing the bitterness & hopelessness.

I sat up, stunned.

I felt as if strong, warm arms wrapped around my entire self, squeezing the loneliness & fear into a safe embrace full of love.

And every doubt was shot dead in that one moment.

God Had a Plan That I Didn’t See… He Always Has a Plan

God wasn’t letting me suffer for the fun of it…. No!

He KNEW that unless He peeled away everything else that I clung to as my source of hope, I would just keep clinging to everything else but Him… Everything but real hope.

He knew those things weren’t my answer & that the lies I believed kept me imprisoned into believing I was left to rely on unsustainable, unstable sources… like myself… ones that crumbled & faded & ebbed & flowed.

He wanted me to know solid, secure ground. He wanted me to know what true, eternal hope felt like, apart from anything temporal & fleeting that I tried to cling to.

He knew that the ONLY way to show Himself as the One true source of Hope & Truth that would get my attention & STICK was to take everything else away where there was only Him left.

Truth Is Truth, & It SHALL Set You FREE!

I had asked, not for a temporary fix, but for TRUTH I could rest in & rely on & He did what He knew it would take to show me that it was found only in Him.

You see, if you are really seeking truth… not “truth” that you WANT to believe, but ACTUAL, REAL TRUTH… God is capable of knowing exactly how you will know 100% what that truth is. He can make it crystal clear (with no smudges of doubt!)

If you just want a “truth” that satiates you into living how you want, you will always be on the waves of the sea like I was… trying helplessly to cling to whatever you think might help, only to see it insufficient & far from lasting.

But if you want SURE faith that you can go ALL IN & not come out a fool.

If you want something you can securely build your life upon…

It’s in Him. It’s found ONLY Him.

So ask Him.

Not a SINGLE Regret… Only Praise! And Freedom!

If you think I regret for a SINGLE moment those several years of doubts & then depression & then eventual suicidal thoughts plaguing my life… you are DEAD WRONG.

I feel SO BLESSED & SO PRIVELEGED to KNOW 100% what I can count on.

Do I still make mistakes? Heck yes! Do I still have doubts pop up? Heck yes!

Is God patient to guide me & do I now finally have a source I can go to with FULL CONFIDENCE to answer those doubts with patience, love, grace, & TRUTH?

YES!!! A million times yes!

I Want You to Have Peace & Rest in REAL Truth… The Simple Grace Offered by Jesus

And I want that for you. It’s why I do this blog. It’s why I write when it’s not my strongest talent.

I want you to find that secure ground… That peace… That surety… That LOVE… & GRACE! I want you to know TRUTH!

 So come to Him with your doubts & don’t stop asking! He HEARS you!

Shine Hope, by trusting in the sure foundation of real, lasting, reliable TRUTH.

Coming Next Week

Join me next Monday morning EST to follow along with my journey of Pivot moments. I can’t wait to see you there!

And make sure to Subscribe (Join My Tribe), so you don’t miss it!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Quinn Necklace

This innovative statement piece is accented with white & silver beads & has a detachable bottom pendant (shown detached), creating two unique looks.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely! deused1 \lsd

Something Missing

Have you ever felt like something is missing? Like you are scrambling through life, trying to be a good person, trying to please God with your life, but still feeling like you don’t even come close?

Especially for those of us who are Christians (those who have accepted the free gift of Jesus’ sacrificial grace), it can seem exhausting trying to keep up.

But what if that’s because we are missing something?

Is “Being Good” Good Enough?

Most of us want to believe that we’re good people, or at least that we try to be.

And for those of us who have accepted Christ’s gift of grace, having the understanding that we are free from the consequences of our guilt & shame, knowing that, after death, we will have the blessing of eternal love & joy to replace the eternal torment that we so deserve… we can sometimes think His help stops there.

When Jesus Left Earth, God Sent a “Comforter”

But God’s involvement in our lives is not just offered as a future hope from the debt we owe being covered by Christ’s sacrifice… It is offered right now, in daily life.

You see, despite this broken world preventing us from seeing the full vastness of God’s glory during life on this earth, God is with us.

If you remember, Jesus told us in John 14 that He was sending (& DID send!) a Comforter, the Holy Spirit.

So Much More Than Grace

God offers us Himself daily, through the workings of the Holy Spirit.

He offers comfort, strength, love, wisdom, guidance, & so much more.

As we seek to honor God with our lives, we will discover that we are frail & prone to temptation.

But God is infinitely strong, wise, powerful, gracious, loving & able.

The Daily Grind, With God’s Help, To Give Him Glory

As you reach each hurdle or obstacle in life, instead of agonizing over how to honor God or how to live for Him or how to be “good enough”, stop & ask for God’s help in doing those things. (*But, Hint: We will never be “good enough”, that’s why Jesus came to die in our place.)

Ask Him for peace, calm, comfort & wisdom when the kids are unruly (or when they’re driving you to hide in a closet & stuff chocolate in your face, as desperately exhausted tears roll down your cheeks–I get the feeling that every Mom faces these moments).

Ask for His wisdom & guidance before the tears even come.

Ask Him for strength, courage, & wisdom to do the right thing in a tough situation.

Ask for His peace & wisdom to guide your decisions when you’re in a tough spot & even before you’re in a tough spot.

Let God into the Conversation

That’s what “pray without ceasing” in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 is talking about… make God part of your inner conversation. Invite Him in.

Instead of mulling over, agonizing, fretting, plotting, brooding, moping, worrying, fearing, straining, guessing, or winging it… invite God in & ask what He would do instead.

God Is Our Victory, Not Us

He doesn’t expect us to be warriors for hope & truth in the darkness of this world without HIS comfort, courage, power, strength, & wisdom giving us the resources to make it happen.

I see you… maybe you’re like me & you drove yourself out of reading the Bible & praying & other things because it felt impossible.

But that’s because it is. For us. In our own strength.

But it’s not impossible for God. EVER.

Stop. And Pray.

So, before you throw in the towel, before you storm in to a situation or run away from it, before you rely on yourself to be the only way to make something happen… Stop & invite God in to the conversation.

Crawl, fall, or step into His loving & willing embrace & say something like this to Him:

“God, my [personality, upbringing, understanding, natural instinct, desires, fear, anger, hurt, etc.] is telling me to react like this, but God, You are greater than I. Your wisdom & knowledge & power & strength & courage & love & patience & graciousness are far more vast than my own. Help me to see it Your way. Help me to do it Your way. Help me to honor You. Give me what I need to walk this path the direction & way that gives You glory. You know what’s best for me AND for this situation more than I ever could, so help me to trust in You & rest in You. Guide me. Enable me to do Your will. HELP me to trust You & know You & love You more every day. Amen.”

There is no magic formula or magic set of words. He is waiting & willing to help you as you put your trust in Him.

Let God Do the Change in You As You Put More Trust in Him

Do you have doubts about Him? Ask Him for truth.

Do you have fears or shame that you hide away? Ask Him for His courage & grace.

Do you have worries & confusion that plague you? Ask Him for His wisdom.

Do you feel tired as a daughter, mother, employer, employee, wife, friend, etc.? Ask for His peace & guidance.

He is listening. He is waiting.

Crawl, fall, or step into His waiting embrace. Lean into Him. Trust Him.

And let Him in.

He is waiting for you, Lovely.

Coming Next Week

This week is our Special Feature post, every last Thursday of the month. So, stay tuned for something fun or different than our usual!

Make sure to join me next Monday morning EST, as I do my best to encourage you with the hope that only comes with trusting in Him to be your all, in this life & eternity to come.

Happy Easter (aka Resurrection Day)! He is risen! He is risen indeed!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Restoring Hope Necklace

This versatile necklace features mother of pearl in hues of black on one side and off-white on the other, hanging from an antiqued brass chain.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The Long-Gone Yesterdays

I must confess that this is a recent area of struggle for me.

But it didn’t use to be that way. I used to long to share every thought with God & to receive His peace & wisdom & strength in each given moment.

It was empowering to know that where I was weak, He was infinitely strong, & I could count on Him… Always.

But here I am, thirsting from six years of dryness in my life, having unlearned the precious practice of regular prayer.

What Once Was

I must tell you, after having experienced a life lived with prayer, this new normal seems like a constant battle, a constant striving, & a constant desperation to fill the emptiness that God’s peace once filled thoroughly.

How do you unlearn that wonderful habit of praying regularly & therefore regularly benefiting from God’s many blessings in our lives, you might wonder? Blessings like joy in trials, trust & faith when the world doesn’t make sense, strength when mine lacks, peace when the storms rage, etc. etc. etc.?

How does one experience all of those magnificent things through prayer & then simply walk away from it?

I’ll tell you how it happened for me.

The Root of My Downfall

Disappointment.

That’s right. All of those blessings I once relished & I tossed them all aside because God didn’t answer my prayers the way I thought He would (or rather, should, in my opinion).

After having gone through my wilderness of lacking friendships, lacking spiritual support, lacking comfort… I gave up asking, instead of changing my prayers & trusting anyway.

Be Open, Be Honest–It’s Worth It!

You see, we should definitely feel free & open to share every concern, every need, & every desire with God, because He wants us to have that open relationship with Him… But if we really want to be at peace & realize God’s power in our lives, we also have to be willing to pray for something a little more… for God’s will to be done & for us to trust Him in that will.

Do you remember that little nugget from the “Lord’s Prayer”? “Your will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven”? (Matthew 6:10)

You see, God wants to interact with us in our lives & He wants to shower good things on us, like I mentioned earlier, but those things do not always come when we get our way, & God knows this.

His Ways Are Higher

Isaiah 55:8-9 says,

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.”

And it is so, so right!

We may think we know what we’re asking, but we have to keep in mind that God sees the big picture. He knows how all of the pieces fit together.

Connecting That to Prayer

So, when we are communicating with Him & we express our desires or longings, we need to learn to rest in that Truth—that God knows what He’s doing better than we do.

And when disappointments come, we need to come back to that fact all over again & pray that God help us rest in His plan above even our own.

But, I Didn’t

And that’s exactly what I had not been doing.

And now I am scrambling to get through each day & feeling like I am treading water some days, just trying to keep my head above water… because I got out of the habit of resting in Him when all seems lost… & even before it even gets to that point.

The JOYS I Once Experienced

Let me lay out for you a picture of what my relationship with God USED to look like, to contrast it with the scrambling I have been describing as my current prayer life.

Imagine a best friend whom you can tell anything. They always listen, even if it’s rambling. They are always patient & kind & gentle. When you mess up, they are quick to forgive. When they help you through a lesson you’ve been needing to learn, they are always so gentle & patient with you through it, never rushing your progress, but simultaneously never giving up on you (no matter how many times you miss the mark). You always feel safe & loved & wanted. He lifts the burdens of your past guilt or shame from your shoulders & gives you a lasting sense of freedom. When you feel stuck or troubled, He always has the right wisdom for just that moment. He is always there, always loving, & always strong, even when you are not.

That’s a tiny glimpse as to what a life of prayer offers you.

Seems pretty crazy that I gave that up, doesn’t it? Stupid, really.

When We Justify Our Mistakes

I guess I justified each time I refused to pray about something  because I didn’t think God would give me what I wanted, & He didn’t. And He knew better, like always. But I didn’t.

I got bitter that I felt lonely. I got bitter that I still didn’t have a baby. I got bitter that I couldn’t get a job for so long. I got bitter that Jamie worked so much. I got bitter that my efforts to encourage others seemed unwanted. I got bitter that I didn’t have “my way”.

I gave up on SO MUCH just because I was disappointed & selfish in my prayers.

And because I didn’t trust Him enough to just talk to Him about it & let Him work it out.

Lessons Sometimes Take a While to Learn

And you would think that I would have learned my lesson by this point in my life. I have had many times of disappointment that I trusted to God, & I found so much joy & peace & strength as a result!

In the past, when I had something crash & burn or I felt a prayer go unanswered, I would ask Him to guide my heart & thoughts to trust Him through it. I would let my requests be made known to Him, through prayer, but then I would leave the rest up to Him & ask for His peace to fill me as He did the leading.

But I gave that up.

God Keeps Forgiving

Sometimes I ask myself how I could be that dense. How could I KNOW the benefits of trusting it all to God, no matter what, & then just throw it all away because I didn’t get my way?

But then I remember this, I am still so full of pride & selfishness that I too often excuse away. And I am weak. I am human, & I have limitations. And yes, I could have (& should have!) trusted God anyway, but sometimes I am reminded through my failures just how amazing He is.

Have you heard the phrase, “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”?

It’s a valuable reminder for us when we go through this time of failure.

Getting Too Comfortable

I grew too comfortable in drawing my hope from Him, that I started believing that it was by my merit that He answered the ways He did, versus His simple goodness & grace in my life.

I don’t DESERVE any of His goodness or faithfulness, but He chooses to give it every single day… if only I am willing to accept it instead of throwing it aside because it doesn’t look like what I specifically asked Him for.

But the amazing thing about God is that He IS faithful. And He is forgiving & patient & ENOUGH.

Prodigal Daughter & the Welcoming Father

I am the prodigal daughter in this scenario. I asked for what I didn’t deserve in the first place, squandered my life to try to get my way, & am now dejected, lost, & alone, realizing that my way hasn’t brought me the joy I thought it would.

And as I turn back, broken & scarred… ashamed of my behavior & the mistreatment of God’s faithfulness & mercies… ready to learn all over again what I left behind….

There God is, not a scornful look on His face. Not crossed arms. Not judgment & lectures waiting to be dumped on me upon my return.

NO.

There He is. An understanding, gentle smile on His face. Arms wide open. Ready to love me & forgive me & work toward rebuilding our relationship.

Because that’s who He is.

He is a good, GOOD Father.

Lay It All Before Him… Come Back to Him

I don’t deserve any of it. Sobs rock me even as I write this, just being reminded of what I tossed aside so childishly, only to return to His welcoming grace & love, which He so undeservedly offers me.

Prayer doesn’t have to be formal & unrealistic.

God knows you better than you know yourself.

He can handle your disappointments, your anger & frustrations, your desires & mistakes.

Share those with Him.

Ask For It

Ask for His wisdom. Ask for His strength to cover you. Ask for Him to be your source of peace. Ask Him to cover your insecurities & inadequacies with His power. Ask Him to forgive your worst sins (He WILL forgive them all). Ask Him to guide your each step. Ask Him to renew your heart & mind, & to give you a fresh start. Ask Him to show you who HE created you to be, & to wash away anything about you that is more of a result of your mistakes & the lies of this world & to replace all of that with His wisdom & grace.

He is enough, Lovely. Every single time. He. Is. ENOUGH.

And prayer is a beautiful gift & privilege.

So be willing to come before Him & talk to Him like a best friend, like a loving Father, & as the King above all things in Heaven & on Earth.

He is waiting with open arms. He is waiting for you.

Amen!

Coming Next Week

Make sure to check back next Monday for my newest weekly blog post!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Unity Necklace

Empowering women out of poverty in Haiti & India!

Upcycled beads made from glass and clay from Haiti’s mountains hang on a silver plated chain.

Artisan Information:

Haiti had this century’s worst natural disaster and is home to almost 500,000 orphans. The majority of the orphans have not been orphaned by parental deaths or natural disasters, but by parents who had to give them up simply because they could not feed them. The group we work with is an “un-orphanage” and is helping with the orphan crisis by providing parents with sustainable business through creating beautiful products like this necklace.

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in Haiti!

(*Also pictured: Western Stud Trio (silver pair), empowering women in India!)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE, Lovely!