We Need to Talk…

Can we talk about health & body image for a second today?

If you know me, you know I am overweight…. But my weight doesn’t define me.

A Little Pudge… Words Matter

You see, little me had a little pudge—I wasn’t fat, but I wasn’t skinny. In hindsight, I looked like a normal little kid—but I felt UGLY.

I was always told by others that I would be liked more if I lost weight… that boys would like me better & that I would make more friends.

I know now that those words were meant to encourage me to be healthy & that a healthy person usually is just more confident, stronger, & more energetic, which usually attracts people. CONFIDENCE attracts people.

But I took it a different way then. I took it to mean that I wasn’t worth too much without a smaller number on the scale… without a smaller clothing size.

I Used to Pray to be Skinny

I am still wading through & dividing the line between well-meaning persuasion of others & the insecurities that I am just not enough.

I used to pray SO MUCH that God would just make me skinny. I used to pray that I could lose all desire for food & maybe that He would make it all taste gross to me.

(I am so glad He DIDN’T answer okay to making food taste bad! Thank You, GOD!)

My Weight Shame

I used to cry a lot, feeling like such a loser, someone who deserved to be picked on & verbally bullied at school. I DESERVED it because I wasn’t skinny, so I therefore wasn’t pretty enough to be treated well anyway. (My perception then.)

I used to avoid looking in the mirror EVER & used to pray that God would help me not HATE the way I look when I see myself in a mirror anymore.

I used to wear t-shirts when I showered because I was too ashamed to see how “gross” I looked. I was a pre-teen then.

One failure seemed to unravel any progress or good habits I had formed because if I failed it once, I “would probably never succeed anyway.”

I had a LOT of lies tear me up over the years.

Maybe if I Flirt?

I even let boys, friends even, assault me because I thought maybe it was a good sign that they wanted me at all “in my condition of fatness”. And I felt proud of it, until I felt like garbage afterwards, like a used up & worthless rag, to be used & tossed away.

I flirted & dressed inappropriately thinking that if I was too fat to be liked or wanted, I would flirt my way into their hearts. Sex appeal.

But that left me dead inside, like the “ME” hidden behind all those charades was just stuffed away, unimportant, & forgotten. Like I didn’t really matter anyway.

It’s been a long, tough road & one that God has grown me through in MANY ways. (See my Pivotal Post to see what happened with my harmful flirting-for-attention mindset.)

Changing the Script

I thought finding a guy who loves me & then marrying him would solve all of my problems, but I have been married 8 years to a man who dotes on me & gushes over my “gorgeousness” & I STILL struggle believing that he means it sometimes.

Because I am overweight.

I’m not skinny.

I always thought that Healthy => Skinny => Beautiful => Valuable/Lovable.

But that script needs to end.

I Know I’m Not Alone

I know I am not the only one who has had a similar view of themselves.

I see the shameless flirting, crying out to be wanted, needed, & loved.

I see the tugging of the shirts to cover the rolls & never being without a cardigan or hoodie to hide them.

I see the “Sorry for no makeup today” posts, as if they aren’t GORGEOUS JUST THE WAY GOD MADE THEM.

I see the diet posts.

I see the desperation to fit in & look good.

And that motivation needs to stop. (I am speaking to myself here, too.)

Fat Tissue Is Just Fat Tissue

We need to learn to love ourselves. Not in a vain: “Aren’t I the most amazing person in the world? Well, you’re dumb if you disagree!”

No, but we need to realize that our VALUE in NOT wrapped up in how many POUNDS of fat tissue we have on our bodies!!

Fat is JUST FAT.

Watch Out for the Pendulum Swing!

Now, let’s not allow that pendulum swing go the opposite way of saying, “Who cares if I am unhealthy because I am valuable as is!”

We should strive to be good stewards of the bodies God has gifted us with. We need to care about our HEALTH.

But we need to care about our HEALTH & NOT our FAT/LOOKS.

We need to learn to see Healthy = Energy, strength, alertness, less sluggishness, & more adventure!

Your BODY Loves HEALTHY

Being healthy does NOT make you more or less VALUABLE. It just makes you HEALTHY.

Your body will LOVE your efforts to eat clean, eat healthy portions, avoid junk food, get sunshine, MOVE, etc. Your body will appreciate those efforts & will thank you for it!

But EVEN IF you never get healthy, YOU ARE STILL GORGEOUS & LOVABLE & VALUABLE.

God Sees YOU First… Not the Number on Your Scale

God doesn’t see you as “less than” if you can’t lose the weight & anyone who doesn’t want to be friends with you just because you have a problem maintaining your health really is not worth pursuing friendship with.

So, hear me on this… LOVE you. Realize GOD LOVES YOU.

You are lovable. You are YOU no matter how many pounds weigh on you.

Be healthy to be healthy & ONLY for that reason. Take care of the body God has given you so that you can get more out of life with energy & strength. Take care of it to keep your body healthy from preventable health risks.

But, give yourself a hug & learn to look at yourself in the mirror every day & say, “GIRL, you’re gorgeous!” And ask God for help if you struggle with that, because He CERTAINLY helped me.

I Am BEAUTIFUL… And So Are YOU

I can now appreciate my smile & my blue eyes & just appreciate God’s design of my face & body in general.

I like my calves & I think my feet are cute. And, as my husband tells me, I like my body proportions that God has given me that will widen or narrow depending on my weight, but are still beautiful regardless of where the number on the scale leans.

I am BEAUTIFUL.

Am I healthy? –Not nearly as I should be, but I am a BEAUTIFUL Work-in-Progress.

A Toast to Loving Your Body As Is AND Striving for Good Health

So, here’s to new ways of thinking about our bodies. Here is to appreciating the features God created. Here is to learning that Healthy does NOT equal Beauty/Worth… Healthy = Energetic, Strong, Alert, HEALTHY.

Shine HOPE by praising God’s design of YOU & others, WHILE working to make your body happy by treating it well.

Not Just a Lean/Strong Body, But a Healed Heart

You see, if the struggle with your body image is not simply a concern for your HEALTH, but rather how WORTHY or valuable you feel… Health is not your only battle… your heart needs healing, too.

If you’re not seeking God’s help healing those inner wounds of the heart, it won’t matter if you lose every ounce of extra body fat. Maintaining your weight will become its own prison for you… It will create NEW problems for you: “What happens if I can’t keep it off? Do people only accept me because of my new body weight? Do they care about ME or my looks???”

Don’t let your motivations to get fit, lose weight, eat healthy… be to feel Pretty, Lovable, Desirable, Valuable…. Do it to make your body Strong, Energized, Alert, & less susceptible to be at risk for health problems later on or even now.

And ALWAYS ask God for help healing your heart & helping you to love yourself NOW & to help guide you to take better care of the body He has gifted you with.

Because YOU’RE WORTH IT… JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, Beautiful!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Onyx Necklace

Modern hammered brass necklace features 3 genuine onyx drops.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

We All Have ‘Em & God Can Handle Them

Last week, we talked about “How to Handle Doubts & Still Honor God,” but this week, I want to talk about specific common doubts I have wrestled.

We all have doubts, & as was mentioned last week, doubts are one of Satan’s oldest tricks to push us further from hope & truth by making us withdraw from God.

But as we also mentioned last week, God already knows about our doubts because He knows all things hidden & revealed. He can handle your doubts & He understands that we are limited, created, & finite, while He is Limitless, Creator, & Eternal.

There will just be things we don’t understand sometimes & He knows that.

Remember, God Will Help Us Work Through Them

And when we turn to Him in those doubts, instead of pulling away from Him, He is able to help us work through them, either by giving us an “aha!” moment of clarity, revealing how it all fits together with your specific doubt, OR, He will reveal more of Himself to you—His love, His patience, His gentleness, His wisdom, His strength, His power, etc. to reassure you that while you may not be able to understand how to work through that doubt, you can definitely rest assured that trust in Him is sure & steady & always worth it.

So, now that we’ve reviewed, let’s take some time to focus in on some specific & common doubts, always remembering that God always knows best.

1. “How Do I Know Which Religion Is the RIGHT One?”

This is one that plagued me for years growing up, claiming I was a Christian, but not really sure if I was right or whether we were ALL right in some way? I really didn’t know.

But it can’t be one of many, because Jesus claims that He is THE way, THE truth, & THE life & that no one comes to God except through Him. (John 14:6)

That may sound like a stuck up, arrogant, self-absorbed claim to make, but here’s why it’s THE BEST news you will ever hear.

All other religions leave it up to you to be “enough”, the ambiguous, always shifting, unsteady push to be better & earn it in one way or another.

The “Good News”-Jesus Paid Our Debt IN FULL

But JESUS lets us know that even if just counting our inner thoughts, not to mention all the wrongs we have done, we CAN’T earn it… But that HE earned it FOR us.

I really believe that Jesus came later in history to die for us in order to reveal to us that no matter how much we reject & hate Him, no matter how wrong our wrongs are, no matter how much we could never earn it by balancing the scales ENOUGH in our favor… NO MATTER WHAT, Jesus STILL was faithful & STILL chose to die on our behalf.

That’s some GOOD NEWS if I ever heard any!!!

We strive to do good, not to earn His favor or balance any scales because our debt it PAID IN FULL. We do it out of a grateful heart that realizes that because His love is SO GREAT for US, He is worth giving our all to!

2. “What If God Isn’t Even Real? I Can’t See/Feel/Hear Him.”

The quickest & simplest way to dispel this doubt is to consider the wind. We can’t see it, but we can see its work as it blows a leaf across the ground, rustles the grass, & even knocks down big structures. It is gentle & soft sometimes & overwhelmingly powerful at other times.

If you remember our Matthew 5 (Part 2) talk, we mentioned how the “Pure in Heart” are blessed because they “will see God” (Matthew 5:8). As we strive to live with an undivided heart, in seeking to filter everything we do or think through God’s will & way, we begin to see Him more clearly in day to day life.

Talk to Him in All Things-Prayer

The more we talk to God & share our fears, worries, anxieties, anger, pain, scars, excitement, goals, plans, thoughts, etc., the more we begin to see Him interact in very intimately specific ways to our thoughts shared with Him. It’s pretty amazing!

If you never spend any time reading His Word (the Bible) consistently or talking to Him (prayer) consistently, don’t expect to recognize His fingerprints everywhere. The opposite is true.

Also, just look at the complexity of our mind & body… & babies forming in the womb, the sky’s clouds/sunsets, the ocean, the variety of flowers, the variety of tastes, smells, textures, temperatures, etc. This world was made (by God’s hand) with both specific order AND vast complexities/varieties. HOW COOL!

3. “I’ve Done Too Much Bad Stuff in My Life. If God Knew/Knows, He Would Never Forgive Me.”

OUCH. This one hurts, doesn’t it? I have BEEN there.

People like to look at me now & think, “such innocence, such grace, such sweetness of the soul…” (No? Okay, so maybe that’s just my wishful thinking, haha.) but God sees it ALL. He sees every decision I have knowingly made to reject Him & do things my way. He sees every excuse I made to back out of obedience. He knows when I have had a terrible attitude & was only looking out for numero uno (ME).

He also sees my list of past sins & ones that sometimes pop up & snag me for a brief time when I am not diligent in seeking God first, before I started trying to turn my life over to Him in meekness/letting Him take the reins of my time & life.

I’m not fooling Him in any way. And neither are you, if you’re trying. He sees you. He sees ALL of you.

And yet…

And YET, review doubt #1 above.

“I really believe that Jesus came later in history to die for us in order to reveal to us that no matter how much we reject & hate Him, no matter how wrong our wrongs are, no matter how much we could never earn it by balancing the scales ENOUGH in our favor… NO MATTER WHAT, Jesus STILL was faithful & STILL chose to die on our behalf.”

He sees it all. He knows it all. AND YET, He still forgives it all & He still came to die for us, that if we admit our wrongs, ask forgiveness for them, & turn from them, claiming Jesus as our SAVIOR & REDEEMER & LORD of our life, He is faithful & just to forgive us (ALL) of our sins! (1 John 1:9)

Don’t let Satan’s lie of “you’re just too far gone,” keep you from realizing the freedom & hope & security & JOY of Jesus’ grace meant for you!

4. “Why Pray? Can He Even Hear Me? If He’s GOD, Doesn’t He Know Already & Won’t He Just Do What He Wants Anyway?”

That’s a whole lot of doubts rolled into one (which I may delve deeper into each specifically later). But….

Yes, He can hear you just fine. And yes, He hears you even when you talk to Him in your mind. He hears you every moment.

Prayer is still something I wrestle with understanding fully because it seems so beyond imagination that the God who created EVERYTHING can hear me AND every other person at all times & that He condescends Himself to work through our prayers.

AND, while He can hear all of it all at once, & while He has a perfect will & plan, He can ALSO work our prayers INTO His plan.

Always Check What God Says About a Topic

If we check out 1 John 5:14-15 we are told, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of Him.”

This doesn’t mean we can ask for an ice cream cone & one will appear in our hand. He isn’t our personal genie.

This also doesn’t mean He will always answer the way we think or hope or want. Because He knows better.

For instance, if we pray for true love, meaning particularly the man we have our eyes on, God may see how that man’s path or future does not line up with you as well as you think it does, & so He starts shaping the path toward someone else & ENDING this one, making you feel ignored & hurt & betrayed, when really, God is answering what you want, in His perfect fore-knowledge & wisdom, without you seeing it.

God Is Always Working

Sometimes, God will use the words of someone else, a book, a sermon, a tv show, etc. to speak right into what you’re asking Him about. (I don’t mean, “she said YES, so God is telling ME yes!!” but more of a lesson learned or teaching moment.)

He also knows that oftentimes, what we really need is not to have our way, but to trust HIM more with whatever it is. Like yearning for marriage/dating, when we really could stand to see how fulfilling God is to us when we really put effort into seeking Him—a steady love we can stand on versus an uncertain romance that could leave us hurting worse than before.

He Will Help Us As We Turn to Him for It

God never lets us down. (By the way, I feel the need to point out here that while Jamie & I are imperfectly learning together, I am certainly glad I waited for Him because our imperfections work well with each other’s strengths—but I cannot lean on him in all things & he can’t with me because we are JUST HUMAN… we have our limitations, while God DOES NOT.)

I could go on for a LONG time about all the different things I have learned about prayer—most of all that even in learning to or WANTING to trust Him, we CAN ASK for His help & He WILL HELP us.

(Check out the Categories listed on this site (at the bottom or to the right in a drop-down menu) & go to “Prayer” to read more!)

More Next Week…

I feel like this is a good stopping point, even though there are SO MANY more doubts out there, but I will possibly do Part 2 on Doubts next week, so stay tuned!

Shine HOPE by turning to God through ALL of your doubts & letting Him help you work through them!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Iris Earrings

Iridescent pink crystal beads sway on these golden teardrop hoops.

Artisan Information:

In Peru, rural citizens have been affected by extreme poverty & guerrilla warfare. Women are affected the worst as their husbands generally leave them in search of work. Many are unable to get the basic needs of food, shelter, & clothing. But with every purchase of this product, women are finding hope & an income by hand making this beautiful product. Because of you, these family businesses are now empowering the next generation!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Peru!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The Grand Finale

So, here we are on Week 3 of our Matthew 5 “ladder” of a life given to, lived for (& through), & hoped in God!

It’s exciting to see the growth we can experience as we surrender more of ourselves to the hope & security & strength & peace & wisdom of God, isn’t it!? So much better than going it alone & in your own strength, wisdom, & willpower.

This week covers the last few rungs of this ladder, but first, a quick recap.

(To catch up on the first 6 rungs of this ladder of a life lived for God, make sure to read Part 1 & Part 2 by clicking their respective links.)

We started off by reading Matthew 5:1-12, which you can click here to read on Biblegateway.com before we get started.

So, here is what we have covered so far:

1. “Blessed are the poor in spirit…”

This one refers to a personal awareness of our own sin (doing it our way & disregarding or rebelling against God’s way), our own depravity (inability to even the scales & save ourselves), & our need for Someone outside of ourselves to make us right again before God (AKA Jesus Christ—read more about this on my Hope Is Found tab on this site.)

We are blessed in this realization, as Matthew 5 tells us, because we can then be made right before God & ours is the kingdom of heaven. Pretty great, right?!

2. “Blessed are those who mourn…”

Once we realize how truly wrong we really are in God’s eyes (the only ones that actually matter in light of our eternal punishment or peace), despite our lifelong efforts to prove how good we are, but always coming up short… it is only natural to mourn… to feel the weight of our wrongs & our sin & how much we have disappointed God & rebelled against Him.

But, again, He promises us blessedness because He won’t leave us in our grief & mourning, but instead He promises that we shall be comforted. We have been saved (through Jesus) by a compassionate & loving God who cares for us!

3. “Blessed are the meek…”

Once we realize just how Good God is for rescuing us when we least deserve it & once He has comforted our grief over our wrongs, we step up onto rung 3 of our ladder in putting our strength & power under His control, letting Him take the reins of our lives.

We are promised blessedness in this again, because when we are letting God make the calls in our life, we find so much more richness in life as we inherit the earth.

4. “Blessed are those who hunger & thirst for righteousness…”

And now that we have a taste for this “richness in life” from giving God control of our lives more & more, we begin to naturally crave more. We begin to hunger & seek after living God’s way, as written in His Word—the Bible.

And God promises blessedness in that when we hunger & thirst for more of living His way, we will be filled.

5. “Blessed are the merciful…”

As we begin to strive after living God’s way, we see His heart for people, including us. We begin to have a heart of mercy & forgiveness for others, whether they deserve it or not (if they did deserve it, it wouldn’t be considered mercy).

We see how He has treated our sin by meeting it with grace & mercy & love & comfort… & we begin to desire to love the people He loves (*everyone) in that same way. And when we do, He promises blessedness in being shown mercy ourselves.

6. “Blessed are the pure in heart…”

As I mentioned last week, this pure in heart is intending to portray an UNDIVIDED heart. In other words, we are seeing more & more the blessings come from a life seeking to be lived God’s way that we no longer are as interested in what everything else has to offer.

We begin to filter everything through a focus of giving God the honor He so rightly deserves & making sure the world knows just how magnificent & gracious & powerful & loving He really is! Everything begins to be filtered through this focus in how we love our family & friends, spouse, children, strangers, & even our enemies. He is the true focus in how we live in all areas of our lives—the way it was always meant to be!

And guess what, God promises that we will “see God”. We will begin to hear His truth from the Bible wash across our minds in distress. We begin to hear His wisdom answer our calls for help. We begin to see His hands working all around us, His majesty & power & love coming into a fuller, brighter picture in everyday life! How amazing to strive for a life lived this way!

And now we step up to the 7^th rung of our ladder, as we near the top:

7. “Blessed are the Peacemakers…”

As I mentioned above in #6, “Everything [in life] begins to be filtered through this focus [on all God is & all He has done for us & all He rightly deserves from how we honor Him] in how we love our family & friends, spouse, children, strangers, & even our enemies.”

We are learning to see who God really is, not who people claimed He was or who we misunderstood Him to be, but who He REALLY is—gracious, kind, loving, patient, sacrificial, merciful, gentle, all-wise, all-powerful, Creator, Redeemer, Lover of all mankind… & we want the world to know Him the way we are starting to see Him.

We want to help shine the light of HOPE, pointing others to this same HOPE we have found in Jesus Christ!

It’s no longer a “take it or leave it, I don’t care,” but becomes a desperate cry of our hearts to see people find this same freedom & hope & peace & strength & wisdom & power & LOVE that we have found in Jesus!

We become the Peacemakers, seeking to share Jesus with others, so that they can find this same HOPE.

God says we will be blessed in this heart cry because we will be called children of God.

We are His. No one can change that or take that away. He holds us fast & strong for all eternity. We are sealed. We are set. We are FORGIVEN. And we want that for everyone else, too!

8. “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake…”

Our flesh, our natural selves loves itself. It loves sin because it is attractive & instantly gratifying, a perverted (distorted) version of the richness of life we crave in Heaven, watered down into a sick reflection of the truth, twisted into a lie.

And people will hate us for standing against their addiction to temporary & fleeting pleasure… they won’t understand & they will hate us for it sometimes.

But yet, we know the Truth. We know its true value. We know the peace & love & grace & freedom & power wrapped up in it & given to us by the sacrificial love & blood of Jesus Christ. We know how much they all matter to HIM.

So Worth It!

And so we continue this honorable fight against that deadly grasp of sin, seeking with all our heart to honor God & give Him glory in how we love those people who reject Him but who mean SO MUCH to Him. We are peacemakers with a purpose to see the lost found, to show them hope that won’t disappoint or hurt or abandon them, but will comfort & heal & fulfill them.

And we hold on to this hope, knowing how much it matters, despite their mockery, slander, rejection, & hurt, because we know Him & we know how much they matter to Him.

And here it comes full circle, in saying that just as we realized our need for Jesus Christ & we reached out to Him as our Savior & thus we find eternal life & eternal hope by joining the Kingdom of Heaven, we are reminded once again that no matter what comes of the persecution against us & no matter how much it may hurt on any given day… Ours is the Kingdom of Heaven.

An Encouraging Arrival to the Top of the Ladder of a Life Lived for God!

This is but our temporary home—a mere shadow of the extravagant love & peace & joy that is to come where we are headed—when we go to heaven– (If we have accepted Jesus as our Savior!)

And it is repeated again at the end of Matthew 5 with more detail on how they will persecute us, “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, & falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.” (Matthew 5:11)

And He (all of Matthew 5 is actually quoted from Jesus speaking) tells us just a bit more than “just” the blessedness of our part in the Kingdom in Heaven, in verse 12. “Rejoice & be glad, because great is your reward in heaven; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets before you.” (Emphasis mine.)

An Eternal Hope

Life isn’t promised to be easy, ever.

But this journey is just our temporary home. We have eternal hope to look forward to.

So, come what may, we can rest in knowing to Whom we belong & to where we are going.

Keep seeking to know & love God MORE (or even at all if you need to start there). Ask for His help. It won’t happen all overnight, but it will continue to grow the more you entrust your growth to Him.

Always Trust He Is Waiting to Help You All Along the Way!

If you want it, but struggle—ask for His help.

If you want it, but feel trapped by the sparkly sin that snares you—ask for His help.

If you want it, but you’re too afraid you’re not worth it to Him—ask for His help (because He died for you!!)

If you hurt—ask for His help.

If you just don’t know how to do it—ask for His help.

If you keep failing—ask for His help (& keep failing forward).

If you feel too weak—ask for His help.

In ALL things that threaten to hold onto your ankles as you crave to climb this ladder—ASK FOR HIS HELP!!!!!

Push Out the Lies & Cling to the Truth

Don’t let Satan lie to you that a struggle means God will give up on you—He won’t!

Don’t let Satan lie to you that your past is just beyond forgiveness—because it isn’t!

Trust GOD & CLING to Him EVERY step of the way! He’s got you, babe.

Shine Hope by seeking to live a life that is ever-climbing this ladder in Matthew 5 of a life given to, lived for (& through), & hoped in GOD.

It is worth it 100%.

Coming Next Week

I hope you enjoyed these last 3 weeks as much as I did! They were such an encouragement of the hope found in diligently seeking to climb this ladder in life, why it’s SO worth it, & remembering to ask for His help every step of it!

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Lotus Earrings

Hand cut suede makes these maroon flower petal-inspired earrings a perfect statement.

Artisan Information:

In India, many women are forced to work in sweatshops with unfair pay & dangerous conditions. But with every purchase, the women who make this product are now working in a safe environment, being paid a fair wage & seeing their lives change for the better! They also have access to education & financial counseling. You are empowering women to have freedom to dream again!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Crushed Confidence

Have you ever done your best to live for God & then just had your confidence crushed because someone doesn’t like you?

I like to be liked. Who doesn’t. But sometimes, that can become an idol in my life that I desire to put above God.

We have to be careful with this sort of crushed confidence because it can come from people we respect as well, people who mean well, & even our leaders or mentors.

It hurts when it happens. We feel misunderstood.

We Don’t Always Get It Right–Failing Forward

I, through many mistakes & failures, have been seeking to follow God most of my life (with definite detours where I thought I knew better—spoiler alert: I didn’t actually know better than God, ever).

This doesn’t mean I always get it right or that I am always good or focused at it.

BUT, it is something I have failed forward in seeking to let God change me from the inside out so I can better live for Him.

And still, this being a core desire of mine—to live for God—I have been met with others who seemed to just not like me (even Christians) or those who seemed unable to avoid pointing out the many ways I was lacking… the many ways I was human.

God Is Patient, God Is Kind–The Perfect Teacher

I have heard the phrase used, “Do not expect someone to grow overnight in an area that took you years to learn.”

The gist behind that phrase is that while all of us who have surrendered to Christ as their Savior for their wrongs, to make them right before God through Jesus’ sacrifice on our behalf, WANT to live for Him, we are all learning different things at different times.

God is a patient Teacher. He guides us so gently. He is so wise & kind.

God knows EVERY area where we lack or have a hang up. He sees it all, even the inner battles against temptations to sin & rebel that we either successfully or unsuccessfully resist (success comes in leaning full weight into Him for help until the temptation stops).

And even though He knows all of this more specifically than even we ourselves, He is still patient & loving & gentle as He guides us & when we fail Him.

Graciously Patient & Praying Together for Each Other & Ourselves

But we are not always so patient, especially when it grates our nerves to see a specific lacking in someone else.

We can easily step into the role never intended for us to hold—being the other person’s judge & jury.

And while we are called to help bring attention to each other’s sin to pray over it & help them to weed it out & overcome it by seeking God’s help together… we are NOT called to be hurtful or mocking of them in their failings.

Is It a Sin or Non-Sin Issue We Are Pointing Out?

We are also not called to nitpick people in areas that are not sin-related. That is between them & God.

And even if you have a personal weakness or trouble in that area, it does not mean that they do. We need to trust non-sin issues to God & follow His guidance personally, without inflicting those personal boundaries on others.

We are not their Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit can handle Himself just fine.

Just Not Their Cup of Tea–And That’s Okay

But sometimes, we can follow God with the best intentions, doing our best to love others & confident in how He created us & living out what He has called us to, & we can STILL rub people the wrong way.

Sometimes it’s jealousy & sometimes it’s insecurity. Sometimes it’s sin. Sometimes you made a mistake (you are human, after all). Sometimes conviction is at work in their heart. Sometimes personalities clash.

We are still called to love them.

Comparison Can be the Thief of Joy… Differences Strengthen Us

When someone else is confident & receiving praise, while we are struggling in that area, it can make us feel inadequate or it can make us feel small.

We need to learn to admire someone’s strengths, while not holding the strengths against that person just because their strengths are our weaknesses.

In fact, it is FANTASTIC that we all hold different strengths because together we can lift each other up & we become even stronger together.

Seek to Live for Him… Not for Praise

I get easily hurt when someone doesn’t like me. I don’t always get to find out WHY they don’t like me either.

But God has taught me that it is okay if I am not “everyone’s cup of tea,” as the saying goes.

If I am not living a sinful/rebellious-to-God lifestyle & if I am seeking to LIVE for Him, but someone doesn’t like it… that is okay.

So Many Maybes & That’s Okay

Maybe they have a sin in that area that they are struggling with & are feeling convicted by you.

Maybe they have a blind spot in that area that is being brought to light & it makes them uncomfortable. (That has happened to me!)

Maybe your confidence makes their lack of it even more obvious to them.

Maybe they’re used to having the spotlight & feel threatened by your confidence.

Maybe they’re just having a bad day & it will pass.

Whatever the reason, if you are a human being, you are bound to meet someone who doesn’t find that you’re their “cup of tea” & that, my friend, is okay.

Not a People Please, But a God Pleaser

You are not called or created to please every person on this planet & that is a very good thing because we are oftentimes polar opposites.

We are simply called to keep our eyes on Jesus.

Ask God who HE MADE YOU to be.

Ask God how HE WANTS you to live & follow the Bible’s Truth in trusting obedience, seeking Him for clarification.

Ask God when & to whom you should speak up in truth & love.

Ask God for the right words.

Ask God for courage & confidence, with an undercurrent of humility in understanding that your ability & wisdom is God-made.

Ask God to help your focus stay on pleasing Him with your life—not everyone else.

Talk to Him.

My Prayer in My Hurt

My prayer from last year during a struggle of feeling hurt by this:

“God, please help me. Lately I feel attacked from every angle & it’s distracting & maddening & it hurts. God, help center my mind on You & what You want me to see or do, not on everyone else’s differing opinions about who I should be or how I should act or what I should be doing. Only You. Clear the rest out so I can clearly see only You. Your will. Your patience. Your perspective. Your majesty. Your vastness. Your power. Your love. Your design. Your plan. Your will. Let the flaming arrow attacks swish right by me, while I keep walking Your will & way. Lift the burden of trying to be perfect in everyone’s eyes. Help me be gracious to others who are hard on me & express their will on me. Help me to love them in Your power. Help me to see & trust Your direction. Only You. Wash the rest away. Amen.”

Ask Him, Trust Him, Love Others, & Leave the Rest Up to Him

Live for Him & love others regardless of how they feel about you.

Graciousness is hard, especially when you don’t understand why others may not like you, but God loves you despite your flaws… so be willing to love others, too.

Shine Hope by keeping your eyes fixed on Him as your guide & as the One you live to please with your life.

Leave the rest up to Him.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Chelsie Necklace

This curved bar necklace features gold & rose gold tones. Hanging from a gold colored chain.

This piece was named after one of our co-founders because of her golden & modern style, along with her passion for using sustainable business to end poverty.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Closing a Series, But God Is Always At Work

Well, this is it, the final week of our Pivot moments for this series.

I am sure God will continue to flip my world upside down to exchange the lies I have come to believe for His truth, but for the sake of this series of pivotal moments, this is the last… for now.

God Is Working a Masterpiece

Today, it will get dark again, before the light shines through the clouds, revealing a marvelous plan that God had all along, but that I just then began to realize was there.

That’s how it always works with God.

We tend to fret & stress & worry & fear, as if God doesn’t already have a plan to fit all of the pieces together, making a breath-taking masterpiece out of the messy “colors” we saw as chaos.

AND, He doesn’t leave it at that… He offers us comfort & peace & strength to endure the hardships that lead up to that marvelous reveal, as we lean into Him for it.

And that is how He worked as He led me through my struggles in both Guam AND Hokkaido.

God Was Working a Plan I Didn’t See

God was working a plan to show Himself to me in a way that I needed to see.

He needed me to learn that my gifting was simply His way of working through my life & had little to do with how much I may or may not have deserved it.

The Ugly Pride

First, I feel it important to let you in on the fact that I struggled (& still do struggle) with pride because of my gifting from God.

Because certain things oftentimes seem so obvious & easy to me, to see deeper insight into a situation to know God’s truth & how it needs to be applied or how someone is avoiding God’s truth in a certain area… I began to believe that it must be that I care more about God & truth than others.

I know, I know… it sounds arrogant just reading that.

But although I didn’t think of it as pride, but more that I felt alone in wanting to serve the truth, it just wasn’t true that my gifting was equal to my personal deserving of it.

An Undeserved Gift

My gifting was simply what it sounds like… a gift… from God. Did it make me more perceptive than some others? Perhaps. But I still had weaknesses where others had great strengths.

This particular area just happened to be MY strength, leaving me to need help from others with DIFFERENT strengths… the whole “body of Christ”/”body of the Church” idea. All of our strengths (“giftings”) WORK TOGETHER & are GIFTS from God—not earned or deserved.

Obviously, the more obedient & trusting we are to God, the more He will choose to work in & through our gifting, but the gifting itself is… just a GIFT.

All that to say, I obviously needed both a lesson in humility & a lesson in it being from HIM & not me.

Walking through the Valley

And to accomplish this pivot in my life, God chose to allow me to walk through hardship… namely, loneliness in Guam & a life of strain, where I had very little control, living in Japan, in an area with VERY LITTLE English.

Living in those two places brought me to a place of feeling like very little that I accomplished had anything to do with what I had earned or deserved.

I was mainly just trying to get through to the next day, only sometimes remembering to pray for the strength & peace & wisdom & guidance to navigate each day & instead, relying on television show marathons & food to get me through it.

And it got worse.

Starting to Have “The Talk”-About Depression & Potential Cries for Help

Near the end of those six years, I had to start having a lot of conversations with Jamie about my history with depression & that if it got bad enough, slipping by unnoticed until it consumed me, & if I admitted that to him & asked for help, that he needed to get me emergency help.

Luckily, it never reached emergency status, but I guess in a way it did.

Over time, in Hokkaido, the mental strain & stress of never understanding (pretty much anything) of the world around me began to take a serious toll on my mind.

I began having emotional breakdowns over the smallest things.

I felt BROKEN, like a person who couldn’t function like a normal human being.

Paper-Thin Patience

To better express the strain… if I dropped an item once, even a small, slip-through-my-fingers drop… it required a deep breath of resolve to just pick it back up…. But a second drop? The item would get picked up with lightning speed & chucked at the nearest wall.

Patience was worn thin every moment. I had zero patience.

I crumbled at the slightest aggravation or inconvenience.

I cried or screamed or cursed so loud that I didn’t care if the whole world heard.

And I felt broken.

Broken

I understood this wasn’t normal. I understood that the average human being can manage to pick something up that had dropped just twice without feeling hatred explode out of her.

But I couldn’t stop it. I felt like something in me had short-circuited & I could no longer filter frustrations through logic & calm reserve to try again.

I just immediately would snap, without even considering it first or thinking it through.

It scared me how little control I had over my own brain & how it reacted to even minor difficulties.

And yet, through all of that, I felt God’s hand on me… as if He was reassuring me that He wouldn’t let go… that He had me still.

God Wasn’t Answering MY Way, So I Felt Forgotten

But I eventually stopped praying.

I felt deserted by God because the pain only got worse & the control over my own emotions melted slowly away.

I was trapped in a mental typhoon that swirled everything together & knocked all sense out of my life.

I was exhausted & frustrated. I felt broken & no longer whole or “normal” & I saw ZERO way to repair or fix it.

Every attempt seemed to laugh at me.

My prayers went “unanswered.”

Bitterness grew into an angry, snarling, jaded voice that screamed for relief at every corner.

Streaming Curse Words

I saw God walking beside me, in a sense, feeling Him there… but He wasn’t making all the pain stop. He wasn’t repairing my mind. He wasn’t calming the storm raging inside me.

So, I cried. A LOT.

My second (inner) language became strung-together curse words, screamed inside my mind.

I couldn’t turn off the rage that was starting to consume me, like a rage monster tearing away at me from the inside, bellowing its fierceness from within me.

Professional Help, Please!

As I finally confessed this inner battle to Jamie, upon our decision-making to stay in Hokkaido or move on, I told him the truth, “Jamie, I am really struggling. Either I need a professional counselor, or we need to leave to go somewhere less stressful on my brain. I need help.”

So, we moved to Misawa, Japan, near an American military base & the stress began to recede.

Even With My NOTHING

God showed me that even WHILE I was feeling broken & unfixable, bitter instead of trusting, & barely surviving through my mental typhoon each day, that He STILL chose to work through my life to bless others through my gifting.

In other words, EVEN WHEN I did NOTHING to earn or deserve anything, He still allowed me to be a blessing to others through HIS gifting.

Ex Nihilo

I used to think that it was up to us to bring the best of what we have & to be the best at everything ALL THE TIME & be everyone’s EVERYTHING, & ONLY THEN can God do miraculous, wonderful things in & through our lives.

BUT… in my failing… in my brokenness… in my falling apart… when I felt I had nothing to offer Him… HE STILL DID Mighty things, through ME!!

Like He showed us through Creation… God can do AMAZING things EX NIHILO (“From Nothing”).

Not Us, But HIM, THROUGH US

My gifting & my ability to bless others how He chooses to work through me, is not because I have proven any better than other people… but because He is a Mighty & Awesome & LOVING God who does great things despite my unworthiness, because He loves us so incredibly much.

He can take our NOTHING & make it a MASTERPIECE.

His Grace IS Sufficient

Even if our “leaning into Him” is as a paralytic who cannot even hold themselves up, HE HOLDS US UP in His strength, His mercy, His love, His power, His goodness, His forgiveness, His saving, HIS GRACE.

If you recognize a gifting God has given you when you chose to put your faith in Jesus as the Master & Redeemer of your life, learn from my mistakes… bow them at His feet & thank Him for blessing you with a way to bless others, through HIS GIFTING.

And then lean into Him to best use that gift to honor Him & to bring Him glory, by making Him famous wherever you go, loving others to Jesus, through truth & faith in Him. He will help you as you lean into Him.

Shine HOPE, by giving Him the little you have & letting Him multiply it, even if it feels as if you have little to nothing to offer Him… by LEANING INTO HIM.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Iris Earrings

Iridescent pink crystal beads sway on these golden teardrop hoops.

Artisan Information:

In Peru, rural citizens have been affected by extreme poverty & guerrilla warfare. Women are affected the worst as their husbands generally leave them in search of work. Many are unable to get the basic needs of food, shelter, & clothing. But with every purchase of this product, women are finding hope & an income by hand-making this beautiful product. Because of you, these family businesses are now empowering the next generation!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Peru!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Hold Up

I was reminded, upon completing last week’s post about “Falling in Love, Heartbreak, & Learning to Trust God’s Plan,” that I neglected to mention a special pivotal moment of discovering who God made me to be, despite who I thought I was already.

Shaping Our Identity

Growing up, we all sort of grow to believe who we think we are, based on what our parents or others say about us or based upon stereotypes that the world presents to us.

We form our idea of “self” based on so many different internal & external factors: our desires, our fears, our insecurities, our successes, our failures, our wants & the way others view us or talk about us (among many other things).

We also create habits of self-protection to either save face or prevent a future hurt.

Insecure & Unsatisfied

For me, I grew up severely insecure about my appearance—so much so that I would shower with a t-shirt on & was afraid to see my face in the mirror because I was too afraid to look at myself.

I saw myself as unlovable & disgusting.

But, in my late teens/early twenties, I was determined not to stay stuck in a place of self-loathing because, like so many of us, I just desperately wanted to feel like I was worthy to be loved by someone.

I Had a Plan… A Plan That Backfired

So, instead of praying about it, I created a self-protection technique to help me get attention (which I thought was basically proof that I could be wanted & therefore, loved.

Besides deciding to shower in a t-shirt & avoid mirrors, I also self-protected by deciding to dress in a way that drew attention to my “assets” by wearing low-cut shirts & short shorts.

I thought attention to my body was the same as attention to me. (I was wrong.)

And, to top it off, I grew accustomed to speaking in such a way that way that each sentence was dripping with innuendos & flirtatious banter.

I taught myself how to make anything into a dirty joke because it proved effective in getting that attention I craved.

When I admitted to being a virgin at the time, people actually laughed heartily because I was so convincing to the contrary. I was proud of that (but a little hurt).

Getting Attention… But Something Felt Off

Perfecting the role I had assumed, I made more friends & got loads more attention.

I thought it was great. I enjoyed the power trip & the confidence that came with it.

But something just felt off.

The attention I was getting made me feel objectified more than loved or cared for. It made me feel icky.

Maintaining the Façade

I felt like I had to maintain this persona in order to feel worth anyone’s time or attention, but sometimes I just didn’t feel like I was being authentic… Like I was keeping up an act in order to stay appealing.

I guess that’s why my heart cries out toward actors & singers & other celebrities. Maintaining an air of perfect “I get along with EVERYbody ALL the time,” is just hard & quite frankly unattainable.

Everyone deserves an opportunity to just wear a messy bun, sweatpants, talk about things that aren’t as “appealing” to others, & just be real. No one is perfect. No one.

But I tried to be. I got pretty good at reading people & would adjust my personality or talk to make myself more appealing. I wanted to be liked & loved.

But like I said, it wore on me. I felt tired of keeping up this image.

I wanted to just slice through the fake efforts, just be myself & have that be enough for someone.

Who Am I If Not This?

But the biggest problem was, I didn’t know who I actually was without this personality I had invented.

I didn’t know how many friends I would have left if I didn’t keep up this image… this act.

I didn’t want to risk losing everyone… my circle… my net… my support.

I didn’t want to be alone.

I didn’t want to be unwanted.

So, I kept it up & dug in deeper to this image of confidence I portrayed to the world.

Unwanted Wanting

Guy friends ended up taking more “liberties” with me than I felt comfortable, but I was too worried about seeming insecure, about breaking the mirage I tried so hard to maintain.

And by the time it broke my heart enough (& with the supportive help of a good friend coaching me through it (Thank You, JD!), when I finally started standing up for myself… they got aggressive about it.

I was sexually assaulted by several friends, several times.

I was starting to realize that I no longer wanted so much attention.

I started to hate my persona.

I started to hate who I had become. Who I thought I was.

I felt so afraid because I didn’t know if that really was me, & if it wasn’t, I didn’t know who I was. I was afraid to lose everyone.

Finally… I Prayed

I was afraid that if I let the façade slip… if I faced depression again… if I didn’t try hard to be so loyal & friendly & a great listener & flirtatious & on & on & on, then any guy I dated would just walk away.

But I couldn’t keep the mask on forever.

So, I started to finally pray.

“God, I don’t know who I am. I don’t feel like I have any value. I feel unlovable. I don’t feel like I am special or desirable. I am afraid of being alone & unloved. I am afraid of being so ugly & not feeling like I have anything else to make anyone think twice about me. I don’t know who I am outside of this. This feels like me. It comes so naturally to me… but something about it hurts… Like I have to ALWAYS be this way in order to keep anyone around. God, I feel like this is me, but I guess You made me, so I guess if anyone knows who I am meant to be, it’s You. Show me YOUR potential for me. Show me YOUR design. Show me who YOU created me to be. And help me to trust You if I lose everything in the process. Please help me!!”

It was a scary & difficult prayer to pray, but I prayed it so many times I lost count.

I Wanted God’s Way… I Didn’t Want to Feel Used & Fake Anymore

I was desperate to feel like there was more to me than this fake girl who always had to make everyone happy 100% of the time & drew in people who took advantage of me just to feel like I had some worth.

God had to know. And I needed to know.

I needed to find me… His way… His plan… His design.

And guess what, Beautiful, He began to show me.

God Makes All Things New

Slowly, gradually, the fake flirtatious persona began to fade away as opportunities for dirty jokes would come up & just seem to be unappealing… I would just feel disgusted, like, “No, I am worth more than that. I don’t have to make people think about sex in order to be valued.”

It was a hard road & I ended up stepping away from several friendship circles, but I suddenly didn’t care so much.

I felt confident & free. I felt like I was finally myself (& I was finally okay with that!)

Who Do You Let Define YOU?

You see, it’s easy to let the world define us.

It’s easy to let our past define us.

It’s easy to let our inner cut-downs define us.

But we need to learn to let GOD define us.

God created you, Beautiful… & He doesn’t make mistakes.

God MADE You

Maybe you don’t measure up to what your parents, siblings, family, friends, or to what the world thinks you should be: prettier, smarter, thinner, more fashionable, more fit, more creative, less creative, blonder, darker, lighter, taller, shorter, curlier hair, straighter hair, etc….

But GOD MADE YOU.

We try to fashion ourselves into the niche we feel we belong based on the facts we believe about ourselves or what we believe others want from us…

But GOD MADE YOU.

Lean into Him. Ask Him. Ask Him to show you His design for you.

And don’t be satisfied to stop praying until you see Him begin to shape you & change you from the inside out… an inner confidence based on His design & your worth based on His love & care for you.

GOD MADE YOU.

Take Your Presuppositions & Pray About Them

And I can tell you from personal experience, that if you take your presuppositions & assumptions about who you think you are or who you think you have to be or are supposed to be… & you take that to Him in prayer, to trade it for HIS DESIGN instead… You will NOT be disappointed.

In fact, you will finally feel like YOU.

Imagine that!

Trust Him always, Darling. He loves you infinitely & He doesn’t make mistakes, no matter what anyone says about you (or no matter what you say to yourself—stop that inner self-hate dialogue!)

Trust Him. Always. Trust His DESIGN.

Shine Hope by being your beautiful, God-designed SELF!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Chelsie Necklace

This curved bar necklace features gold & rose gold tones. Hanging from a gold colored chain, this piece was named after one of our co-founders because of her golden & modern style, along with her passion for using sustainable business to end poverty.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

A Quick Recap

Today, we come to yet another pivotal moment in my life…

So far, I have shared with you:

• Simplicity of grace in how I came to know Jesus
• My long-time battle of doubts & my eventual decision to not only pray, but to try to find happiness on my own terms
• My experience through depression & how God used that dark time in my life to solidify a foundation of TRUTH to rest in.

And now, I wish to share with you a multi-week story of what happened after I discovered that solid, reliable truth.

I Think I Know Best… But I Don’t

After God showed up in a big way, through my depression, & after He woke me up to the fact that HE was the source of truth I had been searching for for so long, was I always faithful to God? No.

I often gave (give) into human nature & I relied on what I personally thought was best, before even stopping to consider that God would know better & that I could always ask Him for wisdom. (I still struggle with this!)

It’s the human nature way of doing things when we just go through life either “winging” it or thinking we’ve got the answer & we’re ready to go… or flailing through life, wondering what in the world to do.

We (or at least I) tend to think, “I’ve got this!” or, “I SHOULD be able to do this!”

God Is Willing, But Will I Ask?

But God is right there with us, offering His wisdom, guidance, comfort, & help… so why is it so hard to ask Him versus auto-pilot mode?

This will be a forever-growing type of learning because it goes against our desire to feel in control & self-sufficient.

But, I digress….

As I currently struggle with this, I struggled with it then, too.

Turning to Music Instead of God

And a big area of struggle for me was turning to music instead of Someone who could actually help me-God.

I don’t mean that I was listening to crude, explicit music… nor that anything other than “Christian” music is even bad.

But what I mean is this—when life got hard & teen angst was winning over in my flurry of teenage hormones & emotions, my first instinct was definitely not prayer.

Validate Me!

I wanted to feel validated for what I wanted to feel about what I was feeling.

(Ain’t it fun to be a teenager? Haha. But really, I still do this.)

Oh, sometimes I thought about praying, though… but then I felt this sort of rebellion flare up inside of me, like, “No, I’m fine! I just want to listen to these sad love songs or sad ‘how dare they hurt me’ music & then I’ll be better!”

I was turning to music as my source of peace, only finding myself brooding or feeling worse because of how unfair the world felt.

The Music Always Had My Back…

I felt justified in my anger or hurt or bad attitude toward someone or some circumstance & the music was always there to back me up with lyrics like, “how dare they…” or “they’ll think twice before they…” or “I’m so sad & it’s all their fault….”

Angst galore.

And I didn’t pray for clarity or God’s peace or wisdom on how to handle it.

I just wallowed & sang along to the sad, sad tune.

But I Have a RIGHT to be Upset!

I think I liked the feeling of being justified in how upset or hurt I felt, without realizing that dwelling on those thoughts so deeply only left me feeling more hurt.

I enjoyed the drama, but I hated the hurt.

Next Time, Though…

And every time that I noticed this being the trend of results I was getting, I thought to myself, “why didn’t I just pray & ask God to comfort me & give me peace & strength & wisdom? It ALWAYS helps! You know what? No more turning to those sad songs to justify my hurt. NEXT TIME, I am definitely going to pray instead because all that hurt sucks!”

But next time…? Yep, you guessed it… I didn’t pray.

I wallowed & slunk dejectedly toward my music player, popped on my headphones, slid under the covers, & brooded the night away in tears.

It was a pathetic, sad cycle that always left me worse off.

Friendships That Encourage Us to Lean into God

But then, I had a certain friend. I’ll call her R. She encouraged me to seek God more.

We used to go in book stores, sit cross-legged on the floor, in the Christian books section, grab random books off the shelf & talk about life in our little tucked away corner.

I’m not sure how it started, but we decided to read through “Authentic Beauty”, by Leslie Ludy. (If you click the title, it will take you to view it on Amazon.com.)

My friend & I would talk about this book sometimes over the phone or on our get-togethers on the floor of the bookstore.

That book changed my world!

Hidden Gaps & Traps

The author, Leslie, talked about how we all cling to the things that we think will make us happy, but find ourselves trapped by them (um, me!) & how there are so many things that are either subconscious beliefs or tucked away secrets that keep us from going “all in” with our faith in God.

Those hidden or noticeable things entice us to hold back parts of ourselves from God, as if He doesn’t already know & see them.

Learning to Purge

In the book, Leslie also talks about doing a purge of both physical items & mental strongholds that we cling to, whether it be memories, shame, fears, doubts, etc.

Old love letters you keep tucked away for a day you feel low? Gone. (It only reminds you of what you don’t have & ends up hurting even worse.)

Pictures, mementos, or other things from old relationships that you hold on to as a sort of contingency plan when you don’t like yourself? Trash. (Clinging to anything but God is never going to satisfy us… It just makes the gaping holes more obvious!)

And my music collection. All of it. Everything. Out. (No more clinging to something that only hurt me worse. No more clinging to false anchors that leave me washed up on shore, in despair.)

Mrs. Ludy also included an online prompt guide that you could print out, to help you address thoughts that are clouding your heart & mind & keeping you trapped in the past. (I believe it is still available… check out her website on my website Resources & Recommendations tab!)

Let’s Get It Started!

Well, my friend R & I decided it was time to get together at a park, start a fire in the fire pit & take time to apologize to God for trusting these things over Him & then asking Him to help us cling to Him through life instead. It was time to purge.

And so, we took turns burning things we had held so tightly to that were just keeping us back in the empty hole of pain.

Be Gone!

I destroyed several hundred dollars’ worth of CDs.

Gone to ash.

“Why?!” you might ask… “Why didn’t you just give them away or sell them or throw them in the trash?!! That is so much wasted money!!!”

Yes, all of those thoughts screamed in my head as well.

But I didn’t want to cling to something that kept causing me more pain. I wanted out from under its hold on me. I wanted to trust God to be sufficient in His comfort, strength, & wisdom, versus a sad song to affirm my pain in the moment, but also offer no help or solution.

And if I gave it away, I would probably beg for it back… If I sold them, I felt like I was doing it for profit… & if I threw it away, I would cave & go get them out.

And I knew that the money used to buy those CDs was made possible by God’s blessing & that I would rather have Him than a CD collection.

It Was My Shackles

Call me fanatical if you’d like, but I will tell you right now that my heart KNEW I was imprisoned by that collection. I felt like I NEEDED it to survive any hurt I faced.

It was a lie. And I clung to it with white knuckles.

It wasn’t the CD collection that was wrong… It was the control it had over me.

I didn’t burn everything non-Christian related that I owned. I specifically burned that CD collection because I recognized how much power it had over me & I was no longer satisfied letting that remain the case.

God Knew What I Needed Was Really HIM

I will tell you right now that God helping me recognize that clinging to my CD collection for hope & validation was the source of so much of my heartache… & then having the faith & courage to demolish that source of control over me so I could trust the loving source of God in my life… It was the most freeing thing I have done.

I felt free. SO FREE.

Like, “Bye, Felicia! Buh-BYE! See ya never!”

It felt great!

Finding the Balance, Removing the Control

And do I have non-Christian CDs now? Yes. (I, for one, love Disney music, so… no judgement please, haha.)

But I didn’t have any new CDs (other than worship/praise to God music) for several years after that, until it no longer was my go-to.

Not the Music… The Control

Did I judge anyone else for having other music? NO! Because I knew it wasn’t the music that was bad (singing about love or happy blessings in our life is not sinful), it was the control the music had OVER me.

And I made sure that every time I hurt after that, when I felt that rebellion flare up that “I don’t need God! I’m fine!” I would then stop… breathe… close my eyes… & ask God to help me change my heart & my snooty, rebellious, temper tantrum attitude.

Then I asked Him to give me real peace & hope & comfort through Him, in my hurt, in its place.

It was 100% more effective.

Every time.

Reflect & See What Is Controlling You… & Give It Over to God & Find Freedom through Trusting God Instead!

So, what’s the moral of the story, you ask? Don’t buy music? Burn everything you own? No.

The point is to take time for reflection & ask God what is holding you back from trusting Him more.

Ask Him to show you what you’re hiding & for Him to be the gentle guide to help you eradicate it from your heart so it doesn’t keep controlling you.

Ask Him to give you courage to trust Him through the process.

Maybe go to Leslie Ludy’s site & go through the prompt guide yourself.

And ask God to comfort you through the healing.

He is walking alongside you, waiting for you to ask.

It’s not all up to you to fix everything broken or to heal everything hurting.

He is able. He is willing.

Ask Him for help. It’s so, SO worth it, Beautiful One!

Coming Next Week

This Week is time for our monthly Special Feature post! So check back on Thursday to see what it is!

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Inverted Capiz Earrings

These earrings feature shimmery, creamy white capiz shells, each framed by a black edge.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchases, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Are They Laughing At Me?

Who else here struggles with social anxiety, even occasionally? (*Raises hand!)

I saw a meme recently that had showed an inner self dialogue between a young woman & her anxiety. It went something like…

*Walks into a crowded room… Notices some ladies laughing*

Anxiety: They’re laughing at you.

Me: But I don’t even know them…!

Anxiety: But they’re laughing at you.

Me: … They’re laughing at me….

It’s funny because it’s true. (And maybe it happens way more often than we’d like to admit?)

The Cruel Tricks of Anxiety

Anxiety can play some mean tricks on us sometimes & us women seem to be plagued by it often.

We oftentimes struggle comparing our lives to others. For example, my husband says he doesn’t especially like social media because it can be so harmful only seeing the good moment snapshots of someone else’s life, without seeing the whole picture.

They Have It Together… Or Maybe Not

If you’re anything like me, it is so easy to look at someone’s snapshot of a win for them & think they have it all together, making it glaringly obvious how much I do not have it all together.

Maybe you read my blog or watch my videos either regularly or occasionally & think to yourself, “Wow, this chick has it all together with her faith & her life & her marriage.”

I will be the first to laugh at that & tell you, “I most certainly DO NOT have it all together!”

The Endless List of Ways I Do NOT Have My Life Together

Jamie & I still have misunderstanding & get annoyed with each other on occasion.

I make mistakes constantly, most of which end up being the inspiration for blog posts, because I first royally screwed things up BEFORE turning to God to ask for wisdom & His power to fix it.

I tend to act first & pray second, often resulting in big messes, tears, & lessons learned. I am so glad God is a God of GRACE & seemingly endless PATIENCE, aren’t you!?

Divisive Lies Abound

But going back to our topic, there are so many divisive lies that we believe about ourselves & others, which end up keeping us apart, versus being unified in encouraging & uplifting one another.

Sometimes, we can become embarrassed in a specific situation & then we tend to avoid eye contact with the people involved, considering all of the things they must think about you now, after the fact.

Other times, we don’t even have to be involved in an embarrassing moment to have our insecurities take the mental reins & make us feel less than worthy to associate with certain women.

And still, other times, we are completely misreading, misinterpreting, & misperceiving reality completely, making us draw conclusions about the other person or our view of how the other person must see us.

Inner Thoughts of Anxiety

“They must think I am an IDIOT after that! Oh goodness, I can’t look them in the face anymore!”

“Wow, I just showed them my true colors & now they must think I am lame compared to how cool they always seem to be!”

“I just completely lost it just then, they must think I am either a weakling or just plain crazy!”

“All the other wives (or moms) seem to be so good at ___________________ & I am just not. They probably think I am a terrible wife (or mom).”

“They looked at me funny. I don’t think they like me. They’re so much more confident than me.”

Satan Knows Where to Hit Us

You see, our minds can play some pretty nasty tricks. And Satan knows exactly where our weak spots are & likes to exploit them whenever possible.

But God is bigger. God is stronger. God is more powerful, more wise, more loving.

So much of the reason we are not more unified as Christian women, is because we are letting these embarrassments, insecurities, & misperceptions be our road map in our interactions with other women.

Dispelling the Lies, Praying, & Clinging to Truth

We no doubt miss out on some wonderful encouragement & opportunities to encourage others because of this truth & it would benefit us all to stop & pray in those moments where divisive lies threaten to keep us apart.

“God, do they think I’m an idiot? Or am I just being insecure? Help me to rise above my insecurity & embarrassment so I can be an encourager to them. Don’t let me jump to conclusions. Even if she does think that, help me to still be a good friend to her. Amen.”

“God, help me to remember that no one is perfect. I am not expected to be perfect. I am just human. And even though they seem to have it all together, help me to see them as a human who needs encouragement just as much as I do. Help me to overcome my own insecurities of my own imperfections, & help me to see her as a human in need of support, just like me. Amen.”

“God, I made a mistake. Please forgive me & help me to make it right. Please help them to be gracious to me & help me to be humble. I know that we all make mistakes, but help me to rectify this for Your glory instead of avoiding it to save face. Help bring unity here. Amen.”

“God, my weaknesses & faults seem SO OBVIOUS when I see other women do those things so well. Help me to be able to love them in THEIR strengths, while appreciating the strengths You have given me. They are not perfect either, so help me to be able to help where they need it & please keep my pride at bay so I can serve them when they need the help & help me to grow in areas where I am weak or failing. Amen.”

“God, I know that we all have insecurities of certain things, so help me not let my anxiety rule my thoughts. Help me to overcome my fears & help me to be bold in loving & encouraging others. Amen.”

Keep Your Eyes on Jesus & Draw Your Truth & Encouragement from Him

You see, perspective changes things.

We can either avoid, hide, & push others away, or we can take those insecurities to our able & POWERFUL God Who is willing & waiting to help us.

Learn to change the inner dialogue from fear to trust… avoidance to prayer.

We have all learned coping mechanisms to help us protect ourselves from hurt & oftentimes, we miss out on WONDERFUL friendships because we let our self-protection get in the way of restoration & healing. So… PRAY!

We All Have Our Strengths… We All Have Our Weaknesses…

When you worry about whether or not someone dislikes you or is too cool to want to be friends, remember that we all have our strengths, but we also all have our weaknesses… & that oftentimes, our ideas of other people’s dislike of us is a misperception built on our own insecurities.

Let prayer rule the day & kick that social anxiety OUT.

Let God Give VICTORY

Don’t let Satan’s lies keep you isolated. Let GOD trump those lies with His truth, grace, love, power, & wisdom. He’s got enough to share.

Love you!! And if we met in person, even if I have resting snooty face… it’s probably me just being insecure & thinking inwardly about my own faults, not yours!

We’re all a work in progress! Hug it out, pray it over, & encourage one another in love!

Shine Hope by praying out the insecurities & praying for the boldness to LIVE LOVE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning EST for more encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Eternity Necklace

Multiple mix metal chains are hugged by a metal curved tube to create this simple yet elegant piece with a lobster clasp closure.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write and grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to help end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!