Cancelled Plans

Today has been a weird day for me. I had planned to continue writing about doubts this week, but in light of my day, I wanted to hit pause & take a detour.

I was supposed to be heading to Tokyo this morning & enjoying a fun anniversary week at Disney. I was excited.

A couple days ago, I would have gotten a massage for a great price on base, gone for an anniversary pedicure, & received a fresh haircut to liven up my hair a bit.

I would have done my own nails Disney-style (probably Minnie Mouse) & packed my Hakuna Matata shirt & rose gold Minnie ears for our exciting trip.

I would have eaten Guzman y Gomez Mexican food for dinner (a big deal since Mexican food is very uncommonly found in Japan) & my husband & I would have enjoyed the peaceful atmosphere of Ikspiari (a Disney-owned mall near there).

I would probably be exhausted, but I would be happy, excited for the week ahead.

But the virus came & our flight got refunded & here we are at home.

Things I Know…

I know it is such a tiny thing to complain about in light of people getting sick & losing jobs & losing hard-earned businesses they worked hard to own.

I know I have so many blessings to appreciate in my life, like a husband who maybe isn’t perfect (but neither am I) but who loves me & who I can enjoy long walks, talks, & laughter with & I know that not everyone has that.

I know God is good & that He has a plan in all of this. I KNOW that. I know He is still at work & is using this upset in our lives to draw us into His loving arms & to let go of trying to hold the world together on our own.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

But, on top of my missed trip, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, as the saying goes.

It has been a series of unfortunate events/circumstances today. I won’t bore you or bog you down with the details, but they’re all minor inconveniences that have just added up to act as sand or salt in an already present wound.

Showing Up, But Never Perfect

Like I said, I attempted to start my post on Part 2 of Countering Doubts with Truth, but today, I just needed you to know that I don’t have it all together. I have hard days sometimes, too. I don’t always handle them with grace & patience, either.

I have grumpy days & days where my stubborn heart crosses its “arms” as if to say, “I don’t want to be cheered up. I just want to mope today.” Anyone relate?

In the Past… But Not Today, Satan

But I refuse to allow this to be a foothold for Satan to make me doubt God’s goodness & love.

In the past, I would have wondered if God even cares about my hurt feelings or my struggle. I would have wondered if He even cares about me, knowing it meant a lot to me.

I would have doubted that God COULD even help me.

I would have felt that I had experienced “too much” good & that God was evening the scales a bit. (He doesn’t do that.)

But not today.

God’s Blessings in the Good AND the Bad

We tend to give God credit for blessings when all in our life is going smoothly & well—in other words, when life is going OUR way. “God is so GOOD! AMEN! Hallelujah!”

But what about when it’s not? What then?

Where is He then?

He is in your cries. He is in your heartache with you.

God Loves Us & Cares for Us, Even THROUGH Our Heartaches

We’re not promised that life will always go OUR way.

We ARE promised a whole heck of a lot about how much God loves & cares for us, though.

If you don’t believe me, read the Bible.

If you still don’t believe me, ask God to show you Himself. He can & He will.

He Is Still Faithful

Today is not the easiest day for me. I’m not handling it well. I am insisting on a bad attitude when I know I could let Him help me right it.

But He is still faithful & still standing by, as it were, to offer me His mighty yet gentle hand.

Yes, I don’t get my way today, neither with my big anniversary plans, nor with the little annoyances that keep disrupting my day.

BUT, I can slump into Him & I can cry & He will hear me & love me through it.

He Will Love Me through It

In the hurt & disappointments & cancelled plans, He will show me I can trust Him & His big picture plan, even if I don’t understand why things feel so wrong & hard for me right now.

He won’t tell me to tough it up. He understands.

He will just let me lean on Him in all my weakness & pathetic stubbornness… & He will love me.

He Will Show Me

He will show me that life doesn’t have to go perfectly for me to be perfectly loved.

He will show me that life doesn’t have to go my way for it to work out best, because HE knows best.

He will show me that when I am weak, I am strong, because it is then that I stop clinging to myself for hope & start looking to Him for it.

Not my plans, but His.

Not my way, but His.

He loves me. He is mighty. He is gentle & kind.

He is faithful even when I am faithless.

He gently lifts my chin up to Him & whispers over me, “I know, “one I love”, I know. I see you. I am here. I am enough. Lean into me. I love you so much. Trust me & cling to me. I’ve got you.”

A Prayer of Thanks-In the Midst of the Gloom, God Still Blesses

Thank You, God, for not requiring me to be “with it” all the time. Thank You for loving me even in my less than pretty moments. Thank You for being faithful always & for Your all-wise, all-knowing, love-wrapped plan. Thank You that I can still trust You even when my plans fail. Thank You for all You do that I don’t give You credit for. Thank You for loving me when I have an ugly heart. You are steadfast & sure. You are reliable & kind & so powerful. And yet, you love me. Thank YOU. Help me in my gloomy days to always see the light of hope I have in You. This is my temporary home, a mere shadow of the glorious place where You are that I will one day see & call my forever home. Thank You for all You have done, are doing, & will do. You are God. You are eternal. You are LOVE. THANK YOU! Amen.

It’s okay to have weak days.

Cling to Him, slump into Him, cry out to Him. He is listening & He loves you dearly… ALWAYS.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Truth Earrings

These incredibly light earrings are made with genuine local capiz shell.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchase, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Can Reading the Whole Bible Really Benefit Me That Much?

So, we have been talking about doubts lately, but today I am going to take a quick detour down one specific doubt I had about whether or not I could ever be “good at” reading my Bible.

I grew up hearing about our need to “be in God’s Word” (the Bible) & to pray, but every time I tried to read my Bible, I felt bored or I just felt like it was outdated & unimportant to my life.

I Thought I Knew Better Than God…

I began to doubt God’s wisdom in Joshua 1:8 & Psalm 1:1-3, for example, to be meditating on His Word “day & night” because it just didn’t seem relevant to me, except for some key verses or concepts that spoke into specific things I was dealing with… but that was about it for me—a sort of grab “what you need” & leave the rest.

I wasn’t trying to be lazy or rebellious, I just was bored & it didn’t feel like it mattered all that much, except to make sure I wasn’t going against God’s will with specific sins or in knowing how to face certain trials, but otherwise I felt I was okay without it.

Basically, I thought I knew better than God. Ouch.

Even the Boring Parts?

Now, I want to confess here that I did have days that it definitely was about rebellion, & I struggle that way some days even now (although a lot less often), but most days I just didn’t feel like doing it because I didn’t get it.

I mean, all the genealogies & old laws & tabernacle design & all of the other boring in-betweens… who cares, right?

But yet, it always nagged me in the back of my mind that I was just finding any excuses I needed to back out of doing something that I knew God asked of me because it was less interesting & captivating than other ways I could be spending my time.

But, So Many Obstacles Always Get in My Way!

But still, even when I would admit that to myself & recommit to it, I would inevitably reach one of countless obstacles that just seemed too much for me to overcome: a headache, a cold, exhaustion, distractions, forgetfulness, busy schedule, losing track of time, impromptu plans, etc. I never could seem to get past the countless stream of obstacles that seemed to meet me at my already lack of desire to do it… so I would give up my commitment again & again because failing each time got old.

It seemed impossible, really.

I wasn’t trying to be rebellious, but life kept happening & Bible reading just didn’t fit.

Defeat Led to Defeat, Which Led to Giving Up

I felt defeated so many times. I would try to recommit out of guilt, or maybe a hint of a desire to see whether it really was as fulfilling as some people told me it was, but an obstacle would hit & I would be done. Again.

So, I read my Bible regularly now… & I actually enjoy it... & I don’t let anything stop me (although there’s always room for grace)… so HOW did I do it?

Here’s the backstory:

I didn’t wake up one day & decide to be great at consistent time reading my Bible (well, I did, but deciding & doing are different things, can anyone relate??) & then also running a blog with a Facebook Community.

I wasn’t always good at reading my Bible (I hardly ever read it beyond quick quotes that seemed to encourage me) & maybe you aren’t good at it either & maybe you see me & think to yourself, “Well, this is just something that she’s better at than me because I have tried it & I am AWFUL at keeping at it!”

So here is my timeline, my backstory (summarized) in hopes of helping you see the potential for a richer, fuller life & a better understanding of who God is & HOW MUCH He LOVES you!

Meeting Christ Young, Intermittent Reading, & Then, the ANSWER That Changed Everything

5 Years Old—Trusted Jesus to rescue me from my sin

Childhood–Read my Children’s Bible sometimes, but not regularly

Middle School—Began doubting God & my salvation & God’s Word & everything (it was a choppy time in my life because of this!)

High School—Went through depression & started asking God to show me I could count on Him when I couldn’t count on anything else (HE DID!)

Young Adulthood—Read books ABOUT God & attended Bible Studies, but didn’t really know how to separate opinion from Truth, or which books I could rely on to know… I tried to commit to Bible reading many times but always gave up.

Several Years Ago–Still had never read my whole Bible, (had begun but kept forgetting or rebelling & stopped many times), usually only bits & pieces here & there in quotable verses or in studies/sermons I attended….

BUT, I then read “Andrew Murray on Prayer” & my eyes were opened to the fact that in all my FAILURES to stay consistent & all my LACK OF UNDERSTANDING of what I was reading… dun dun dun… I could ask for God’s help in ALL OF IT!!

Wow! Total game changer because up until then, I had always beat myself up that I just wasn’t a strong enough Christian to do it & that “maybe someday…” but now I understood that I didn’t have to rely on MY willpower to overcome my constant obstacles because I could ASK GOD FOR HELP every step!

3 Years Ago—I determined to ASK GOD FOR HELP whenever I went to read….

• I asked for His help to understand.
• I asked for His help to concentrate.
• I asked for His help with clarity when I felt foggy or tired.
• I asked for His help to even WANT to read it MANY times when I felt stubborn, with an “I really don’t care right now” attitude.
• I asked for His help to overcome my bad attitude of “I don’t feel like its.”
• I asked for His help on the WHEN.
• I began asking for His help with ANYTHING that threatened to keep me from reading–especially MYSELF.

And I wouldn’t pray & move on… NO, I determined that if ANYONE could help me accomplish this, it was HIM, so I would pray & sit & wait, determined to do nothing else until He answered by changing my attitude, softening my heart to be willing, & cleared my mind of distractions to focus on it.

AND HE SHOWED UP EVERY TIME.

TWO Years Ago—Finished reading THE WHOLE BIBLE for the FIRST time, within ONE YEAR

ONE Year Ago–I did it AGAIN

THIS YEAR–I no longer need the strict rules to read 2-4 chapters a day to maintain consistency because I actually ENJOY it & LOOK FORWARD TO it!! I am working through slowing down my reading & digging DEEPER–underlining, looking up original Greek/Hebrew, writing notes, ETC. with guidance from KATIE ORR (Look her up!)

You Can Be a “Bible Girl”, Too

So, if you are discouraged, don’t let Satan keep you stuck there... Understand that if YOU can’t get yourself out of that, GOD CAN. So, ASK Him!! And KEEP ASKING Him!

He will show up for YOU, too!! <3

When I first started trying to read my Bible years ago, it always felt boring & hard to understand or to see how/why it really mattered—it seemed outdated & out of touch with NOW.

But when I started asking God to help me even WANT to, as well as to help me actually carry through with reading it, knowing He asks us to meditate on His Word as I mentioned earlier (hard to do when I wasn’t reading it much at all), it is so weird… Every time I read the Bible through, it having started out as so boring to me, you would think reading it multiple times would just be overwhelmingly boring… but the opposite ended up being true… honestly. The more I read it, the more I WANT to read it. Isn’t that weird?

Despite My Many Lackings

I know it sounds like, “well of course it’s easy for you, you’re one to do a blog & Facebook community & etc., but I’m different.” But, girl, don’t let Satan fool you away from the nourishment you will get when you stop letting your obstacles rule your life & you start asking for God to be your help in getting over them.

I wasn’t always good at it. I didn’t always have the courage to stand up for Him & shout His love to the masses, through my blog. But reading His Word emboldens me because I am learning to rely LESS on myself & what I know I’m not capable of & MORE of what I am learning He is FULLY capable of despite my lacking.

The More I Read, The More I WANT to Read

My love of the Bible wasn’t immediate. I had to pray SO MANY times just to get myself through it… BUT, this is me several years in the future telling you it’s SO worth it!

I understand a new layer every read. I understand more of how much God’s got this, all of this, in control. I understand more how AWFUL & wretched sin is (in ME) & also how much more my view of His GRACIOUSNESS grows. I understand more that no matter what I do or did or will do to mess up, in all my efforts & good intentions, God can’t love me any less. His love is unconditional… that means NO conditions have to be met for Him to love me (& you).

It’s All About HIM

And just reading it daily sets my perspective straight that it’s not about me being perfect or “good enough” but about worshipping Him by trusting His will & His daily guidance, strength, wisdom, hope, comfort, etc. And not just with an “I know He can do it,” but with an, ” I KNOW He’s got me.”

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of Him.” (1 John 5:14-15)

So, get to know His will & start asking for HIS HELP.

Start Now

So, will you start the journey? Or restart the journey?

And this time, don’t let Satan beat you down. Stop in the midst of your countless, “I can’ts” & ask God to give you the win.

“God, I feel stubborn. I feel like I don’t want to know rules or whatever. I don’t even know why, I just feel like I don’t care. But HELP me to care. Help me to see the value in it. Help me to DO it. I want to learn more about your love for me but I feel so stubborn. Help me!”

“God, I [feel tired, have a headache, feel too busy, feel too distracted, etc.] that I don’t think I can read it, but I know you ask us to, so it must be important. Help me to see that & right my perspective. Help me trust You over my own understanding because I KNOW You know best. You are God & I am not & I need You. Help me to overcome!”

The above prayers have been prayed countless times by me (not the exact words, but the same sentiment). Talk to Him. Be real & honest, even if it’s admitting you don’t want to. Just talk to Him & trust Him. Ask for a new perspective. Ask for help overcoming your lack of desire or your countless distractions.

What seems impossible to man is always possible with God, so ASK HIM. (Luke 18:27)

Shine Hope by going to Him for help in ALL things.

He LOVES you.

It makes me crave it, to dwell in it, to cherish it!

So, if you struggle reading your Bible, ask for God’s help & don’t STOP. It only gets better from here!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Lotus Earrings

Hand cut maroon suede makes these flower petal-inspired earrings a perfect statement.

Artisan Information:

In India, many women are forced to work in sweatshops with unfair pay & dangerous conditions. But with every purchase, the women who make this product are now working in a safe environment, being paid a fair wage & seeing their lives change for the better! They also have access to education & financial counseling. You are empowering women to have freedom to dream again!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Aren’t Christians Supposedly “Good People”?

Have you ever been asked why Christians mess up so much or why they do wrongs when they’re supposed to be “good”?

First off, no one is good, except God… we ALL mess up… but let’s keep going.

Have you ever wondered this yourself when you see Christians royally mess something up in a way that “makes us look bad”?

Has this ever made you doubt your faith in God? Or made you feel ashamed of their representation of Christ?

We Are All Just Human… Not a Cop Out, Just the Truth

I think the most important thing to remember when faced with this question is the fact that Christian or not, we are all just human.

That may sound like a cop out to you, an excuse to allow us to continue doing whatever we want the way we want it, whether or not it causes any harm.

But my point is just as I said it, we need to remember that we are only human.

Without intentionally bowing temptations or ideals or determinations to God Almighty, we are simply acting in human (fleshly) wisdom & actions.

We Are the “Branches” & He Is the Vine… Without Him, We Are Just Sticks

We are called to plug our daily lives into our “Vine” aka God through prayer & reading His Word, the Bible (John 15:1-8). Without drawing from Him & actively submitting to His will & His way, with His help, we are simply acting as we are on our own—human.

That is why I am so passionate about this topic of constantly pointing us to look to, draw from, & lean into God in every area of our lives. We (including ME!) need this constant reminder to look to Him to lead, equip, guide, instruct, teach, empower, embolden, strengthen etc.

Without making intentional effort to lean into Him for our daily lives, including our thought lives, we are vulnerable to the attacks & tricks of the devil, even the subtle nudges that urge you to take or do what you want without regard for checking in with Almighty God.

Everyone Is Looking for Us to Fail… But WE Are NOT God

My husband wisely pointed out to me that, as Christians, we are also on display as representors of Jesus Christ & because of this fact, media eats up the juicy shock & awe factor of plastering our mistakes for all to see, making it seem much more prevalent than it is, at least in comparison to any other humans doing the same thing.

God Is Greater

And, we must consider the fact that we have an active enemy on this earth who spends all of his time prowling the earth seeking who he may devour or destroy—Satan.

Being a Christian means that Satan can do NOTHING to take away the HOPE we have received in accepting Christ to cover our debt to God by His death & resurrection on our behalf… BUT, Satan will do whatever he can to discourage us, distract us, & keep us from displaying the LOVE & GLORY & GRACE of the GREAT God that we serve… the GREAT God Who offers a rescue for all our souls.

Satan tries to keep us from representing well the wonderful God we love.

Guard Yourself with God’s Truth & His Strength

This is one MAJOR reason why we should be reading & meditating on God’s Word “day & night” as the Bible tells us (Joshua 1:8), to quench the fiery darts of the devil through your faith in Who your help comes from–God (Ephesians 6:16).

Let God’s Word/Truth help you deflect the lies that our enemy tries to tempt or discourage us with.

When we are not leaning into God & when we are living by our own strength & wisdom, we are just as susceptible to sin as ANY other person.

Our spirit may be willing, as Jesus puts it, but our flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41).

We must yield our willing spirit & weak flesh to God to allow for His power & wisdom to lift us up & help us out as we strive to live in a way that shows Him honor & gives Him glory.

Only God Is Perfect. Only God Does No Wrong.

It is extremely easy to put people on pedestals with Christ. We tend to see how they encourage or inspire us to seek Jesus & yet we forget that they need Him just as much as we do & when they take their eyes from Him, they are just as vulnerable to submitting to sinful thoughts as we are.

That’s also a big reason why we should actively pray for spiritual leaders. They have a big target on their backs because Satan wants to use their influence to try to ruin God’s reputation. We can bet that Satan is putting his resources into taking them down publicly to discredit God & the grace He offers to the world.

God Has Already WON. He CANNOT Be Thwarted.

I need to step back from the mention of Satan’s work & determination to remind us of something so powerful. NO MATTER what Satan accomplishes on this earth… no matter who he discredits… GOD HAS ALREADY WON THE WAR. God’s purposes, plan, & will WILL PREVAIL.

God canNOT be thwarted. EVER.

Remember These Things…

So, while it does make us ashamed & embarrassed when representatives of Christ royally mess things up, we need to remember several things when this topic is brought up or when we see it arise in the media:

1. God will have the final say & He is never caught off guard or thwarted. EVER. He has already WON.
2. That person who screwed up did so because they took their eyes off Jesus & either tried to do it on their own or were distracted by temptation, failing to lean into God’s strength to help them overcome.
3. There is no such thing as good versus evil people… only PEOPLE loved by Almighty God who do good or evil things. NONE of us are good & ALL of us are redeemable through God’s grace.
4. Look to GOD as your guide ultimately, through prayer & time in His Word—not to other people. People can encourage, teach, admonish, redirect, uplift, edify, etc. us, but ONLY God is perfect in all things & perfectly able to not sin & perfectly able to help you in ALL situations. So, turn to Him, ALWAYS.
5. We have an active enemy on this earth. Don’t take that lightly. Turn to God as your source of hope, strength, comfort, wisdom, guidance, etc. He is King of kings, Almighty God, but He is also our unconditionally loving GOD who offers freely His GRACE to ALL who trust in Christ, His Son.

Our Common Humanity & Our Common Need for CHRIST

Don’t begin to doubt God when people mess up big time… begin to recognize our common humanity & our common need for Christ in every situation, leaning into Him daily, moment-by-moment.

Only God cannot, does not, & will never sin.

Every person has access to His grace. EVERY person.

Shine HOPE by being gracious to fellow humans in their mistakes that you are just as capable of making if you take your eyes from Jesus & by shining God as our perfect HOPE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Worthy Necklace

All the Pink! Beautifully delicate in design, this rose gold plated chain displays a light pink rose quartz stone. Crafted in India.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Sometimes…

Sometimes, life isn’t so pretty. Sometimes, insecurities win. Sometimes, we let our desire to be good outweigh the good that God is actually calling us to do.

Whatever distractions are holding you back personally, my biggest one is doubt.

I always doubt whether my actions are led by a desire to feel or seem good, or whether they are actually led by God’s will.

Am I living to glorify myself or to glorify God?

Am I living to please man or to please God?

Am I living by my wisdom or God’s?

It is so hard to navigate some of these feelings & sometimes it makes us want to just quit & hide away in comfort. (At least, that’s how it makes me feel).

And Today…

Today, I struggled yet again with these doubts.

I don’t know all the answers. I don’t know whether God will empower me to continue this blog or to shut it down to go wherever else He may be calling me, but until I figure that out, I will keep seeking God’s direction & I will keep seeking to honor Him.

Letting My Heart Show

The following prayer resulted from brain fog. Every week seems like a battle of the will to show up & write a blog & I am constantly doubting whether it is God’s will or whether I am just trying to feel like I am doing good. (Or whether Satan is just trying to keep me from shining any light of hope into this world).

Please pray this openly & ask God to show you His will for Your life. Don’t settle for hiding. Don’t settle for less. Don’t let excuses rule your day. God is bigger. God is able.

My Prayer

“Dear God,

I am not worthy to write this blog. Why did this come in my path? Are you asking me to do this, or is it my way to not feel like I am wasting my life? I say I want to serve You, but does my life really display that as reality? Or am I just wanting to feel good about myself?

I don’t think I can do this blog. I don’t want to do this blog. I don’t feel like I have anything worthy to say that could do any real good in anyone’s life.

Is this Your way of telling me to quit the blog or is Satan trying to dim Your light in my life? It is easy for me to believe the latter because this seems like something that would honor You, but at the same time, I have so distanced myself from You over my years of bitterness that I don’t know if I can always accurately discern Your voice anymore.

I wonder sometimes if I should give up working with Trades of Hope, too, because I have failed so miserably in representing them & in supporting my team. I wonder sometimes if I should quit my Facebook page community because I am so scattered & not always professional & others seem to not even be interested in it. I want to quit this blog because I wonder what good I could realistically do for You.

I feel like a failure at everything I try to do for You. Does this mean You don’t want me doing it? Or are You trying to teach me to rely on You instead of myself?

Show me what You want from me. Make Your voice clear amidst the insecurities & fears & facing the unknown. Show me what YOU want from me.

I know that oftentimes, we like to jump to do good & claim that it’s Your will when You might have a completely different plan for us that we’re avoiding because we think we have already figured things out for You.

I don’t want that. I want YOUR will. I want to shine YOUR light. Not mine.

I feel so conflicted that I just want to slam my laptop shut & never try blogging again.

I want to quit Trades of Hope & blogging & doing LIVE videos & all of it.

I don’t want to feel this conflict anymore. It was easier when I did nothing.

I want to sit on the couch & try to tune out the hurts in the world. I want to stay in pjs & watch tv & try not to care. I want so badly to be comfortable!

But then it isn’t any easier when I do nothing because I feel the pain of seeing a hurting world pass me by & then knowing I am doing nothing to make it any better.

I am a mess. I don’t deserve to be used by You. I don’t deserve for anyone to listen to me.

I have scars & a past & insecurities & weaknesses & areas of intense pride & I struggle being gracious to the flaws of others & I constantly choose comfort over You or the people of this world that You love so much who are hurting so much.

I don’t deserve to be a part of anything You are doing in this world.

I just want to be used by You & I don’t know how.

I don’t know how, God. Please show me Your will.

I don’t want to just do things that make me feel good about myself. I want to do Your will. I want to follow Your call. I want to join in where You are already working.

Not my will, but Yours be done.

Whether I quit this blog or whether You ask me to continue writing & continue allowing myself to be vulnerable for all the world to judge. Shine through it. Even if you ask me to do something harder than this. Your will. Not mine.

I am tired of making excuses & hiding from what I don’t yet know or understand.

Be the Light & shine a path for me.

Use me how You will, God. Make me Your vessel. Shine through my brokenness. Make me Your ambassador.

Show me Your will.

I am tired of trying to force goodness. I am tired of fighting against my excuses. I am tired of trying to be strong on my own. I am tired of being dragged down by the idol of Comfort. I am tired of living for me. I am tired of fighting You.

True strength & power & wisdom & peace & GOODNESS comes from You ALONE. Help me to stop trying to create it on my own, in my own strength. Help me to submit & to draw near to You.

Whatever is holding me back from Your will, remove it. Wherever I am hiding away, expose it with Your Truth. Wash me. Cleanse me. Renew my heart & mind & draw me back to Yourself.

I want to know You. I want to serve You out of LOVE & devotion. I want others to know Your love through how I live & how I love others. I want to be self-disciplined & productive in Your kingdom. I want to serve others by expressing Your love for them. I want a real faith defined by real action. I want to know & love You more.

Don’t give up on me.

In Jesus’ Powerful Name,

Amen.”

The Truth

The Truth? I don’t have it all together. Satan tries to discourage me. But when that happens, I have a choice. I can either choose to give up & stay where I’m at… forever… OR, I can take those fears, those doubts, those insecurities, & everything else that tries to hold me back to GOD. Because that’s when the real change can happen. That’s where the power is. Don’t give up… Give it to God.

Shine Hope, Lovelies. And don’t you ever give up.

Coming Up

This Thursday is time for our Special Feature blog post for this month! Check back Thursday morning for Part 2 of “A Love Story”! To catch up with Part 1 before Thursday, read it here.

Also, as always, check back next Monday morning for more encouragement.

I am praying that this reaches the women it was meant for. God sees you, Lovely.

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

The Warrior Cuff

This brass gold, hammered, stacked cuff opens in the back.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in India!

(*Also shown: Empire Earrings, made by artisans in India.)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE, Lovely!