A Story of a Girl

She sat in front of the mirror, studying her reflection.

Her smile faltered & she let it fade completely from her face, too tired to maintain the façade in the private of her own room.

“What’s wrong with me?” she whispered quietly to herself, feeling the weight of the world on her back. “Why am I the only one who can’t seem to get her life together? Why do I feel like I have to fake it through life? Isn’t there more to this? What’s wrong with me?”

She was too tired to cry tonight, too tired of feeling so useless & weak. Every day she looked around at everyone smiling & they all seemed to somehow have discovered the secret to happiness & success that she couldn’t quite figure out. They all were so confident & capable. They had their life together.

“But not me.” The weight of her words hit her & she almost let herself cry, but not this time. She wouldn’t give in to the tears again. She would try harder next time & she would stop being such a big baby.

What could God do for her anyway? Does He even see all she has done? No, there was no redeeming that. Her best bet was to just suck it up & try harder next time. “Where did that come from? God? Why did I think of Him?”

Some people told her “God” could make it better… through… Jesus? But they were diluted & wishful thinking their troubles away. What a bunch of fake people. What could God do anyway? He couldn’t just magically make her not suck at life. And what’s the point? Everyone struggles, so what? This is just life. You learn to suck it up, get tougher skin, & just try again & sometimes you get it right & sometimes you don’t. That’s just life. And everyone else seems to be doing just fine that way.

Her friend had told her the other day that “Jesus” can help her. “HA. I don’t need help. So, I cry sometimes? So what? Everyone has bad days & everyone seems just fine with it, so obviously I just need to tough it out until I figure it out.”

Something didn’t sit right with her when she said those words out loud.

Can it get better? Was she missing out? “No, I will just keep going & keep trying. I’ll be fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine.”

Everyone Else Seems Just Fine, But Are They?

Have you ever felt like the fictional girl in this story? I most definitely have.

Before I surrendered more of my life to God, thinking I was saved from Hell & that was the end of it, I didn’t realize God meant to help me in life, TOO.

We look around at the world around us & it seems life everyone else just has it figured out, while we feel like the losers who just can’t seem to get it right.

Everyone else is doing these things the Bible calls sin & yet they seem confident in it & their life seems perfect, so we question God.

But what we often fail to realize is that every person, whether they have stuffed it so deep under denial that it can’t be seen or whether they cry alone in their room at night like the girl in the above story, EVERY person struggles when they turn away from God’s ways to do it their own way. EVERY person.

We Need More Than Ourselves

That’s because God has 100% PERFECT wisdom, knowledge, & understanding, so when He tells us to avoid stuff, it’s NOT so He can control us & deprive us of enjoying life in some strange, narcissistic demand… It’s out of LOVE… For US.

My aunt shared a quote from a pastor saying something along the lines of, “Satan has tricked so many of us into thinking that the way to “prove” our faith is to try everything WITHOUT God’s help, to prove God has given us all we need to do it on our own…. When in reality, TRUE faith recognizes our very real NEED for God in every aspect of life.”

The Big Lie

You see, we’re lied to. We’re told that if it doesn’t feel right when we “sin”, we just need to toughen up because everyone else seems just fine with it. (Sin is real, so that is not the reason for the “” but rather that we don’t always like accepting sin as sin when we have good intentions, am I right?)

Taken Out of Context

Think of it in the realm of SEX. That’s right, I’m going there….

Culture tells us that anywhere with anyone at anytime is natural & fine & normal… that it makes us feel loved & wanted. I mean, watch any chic flick—a sex scene, even an implied one, is almost inevitable in every one of them.

Now, GOD tells us that He MADE sex to be ENJOYED between MAN & WIFE.

He ALSO warns us to AVOID it OUTSIDE of marriage.

So, sex is made by God—to be enjoyed—but culture has corrupted that gift & blessing of God to encourage “enjoying” it in almost any context & definitely in the ways God clearly instructs us to avoid—because He KNOWS it will end up hurting us when taken out of context.

Sin Hurts

And here’s the thing, we can engage in “impure” activities whether that be casual sex, anything-but-sex impurity, pornography, etc. AKA outside of the guidelines God designed for sex to be enjoyed… & CONVINCE ourselves that because EVERYONE else seems A-Okay with it (see almost every romcom & most television nowadays), that our emptiness or hollow after-effects must be OUR personal weakness & problem that WE need to GET OVER. (I have been there!)

But it hurts quite simply because it’s a corruption of something God meant to be GOOD & pure & whole & free of scars/betrayal/trauma/etc., IN MARRIAGE.

God Can Redeem All Things

I must remind us right here, for those of US (*me included), who have messed this whole thing up & given in to the corruption of God’s desired blessing for us to enjoy/

(I always thought sexual impurity before marriage only meant “don’t have sex”—I was wrong & I got hurt as a result.)

GOD CAN REDEEM ANYTHING.

There is NOTHING outside of God’s power to redeem, renew, & restore.

He is so good to us in that NO MATTER how badly we feel we have screwed everything up—He is always waiting with open arms & a grace-filled heart toward us.

Loving, Perfect Instruction

Let me shift some perspectives here. It’s easy to see God as the giant RULE-GIVER in the sky, looking to control all of us & determine our faith by how readily we give up all fun to follow His rules instead of enjoying life.

But that is INCORRECT.

God IS Love. He EQUALS Love.

He also has infinite, 100% PERFECT wisdom, understanding, & knowledge.

So, when He tells you, “Don’t Do That or Such & Such Will Happen,” it is less a threat (Read: NOT a threat), but is rather LOVING, PERFECT instruction.

He Created Life to be GOOD, but Sin Has Distorted So Much

He knows WHAT will hurt us & HOW & in WHAT context.

He created sex, but knows if treated carelessly or shared with multiple people, the pleasantness distorted by sin (our way versus God’s way) turns to ache & hurt & hollow hearts.

And some of you may think to yourselves, in trying to justify your non-terrible intentions, “Well, we plan to MARRY, so therefore, it’s totally fine!” But, what if both parties, completely in agreement, plan to marry, but one gets hit by a bus & passes away. Now you have had sex with “Not your husband.”

Trusting Self or Trusting God?

When we try to alter God’s commands, trusting our own limited human judgement over God’s infinite perfect wisdom, we are bound to feel its affects in a negative way, not because God is punishing us, but rather because He instructed us away from it KNOWING it would hurt us… & He doesn’t want us hurt.

Does He punish us as a Father disciplining His children away from what will ultimately hurt them? Yes. But consequences of sin are not punishment, they’re just what happens when blessings are corrupted by sin & taking it out of the context of how it was designed to bless us.

Living Our Way Always Hurts Us & Others… & God

Someone once said, “A Christian who lives in sin is one of the most miserable people in existence, because part of them knows they are being disobedient, but they push that down & justify it, as their hearts break & the rift in their relationship with God grows wider.”

And even non-Christians, aka those who have not surrendered their sin to Jesus to cover their debt to God. Even non-Christians can look around, see everyone else depicted in social media, mainstream media, family, friends, CULTURE that everyone else seems just fine with it, even promoting it… so they feel their heartache is unique to them… a weakness they just need to “get over.”

But listen to this, dear one, “Satan came to steal, kill, & destroy, but JESUS came that we may have life & to have it to the full.” (John 10:10)

An Undeserved GRACE

God designed life. He gave us His perfectly wise instruction. We tossed it in the trash for our version of what seemed better to us. We feel the weight of it. We hurt from it. But Jesus died for every ME-choice we made in rejecting God’s perfect, loving wisdom. HE took our punishment on Himself when He died on the cross (because the punishment of sin is death & hell). And He ROSE AGAIN, VICTORIOUS over that sin & over death. And He welcomes us to Himself, free of charge, saying, “I have already paid your price. You are forgiven. You are free.” And all we have to do is accept our need of Him, bow our hearts in grateful surrender, pour out our sin in asking forgiveness & mercy. And He gives GRACE. Not just freeing you from the PUNISHMENT you DESERVE, but GIVING YOU LIFE in its place.

What a GOOD God, indeed!!!!!!!!!

There Is HOPE

Don’t resign to live the rest of your life “surviving.” Ask God to help you learn to do it HIS way, His 100% PERFECT WISDOM, 100% PERFECT UNDERSTANDING, & 100% PERFECT KNOWLEDGE way!

Be willing to let Him change your mind.

And we were never meant to be able to do it all on our own… we were meant to NEED God. No shame in being human just like everyone else.

You may have exhausted your attempts to change or fix it or get better or be stronger or just get over it… But God is bigger than you.

So, ASK HIM, Beautiful. And even ask Him to help you bow to & learn to do it HIS way.

Ask Him to help you trust Him more.

And Shine HOPE, through His GRACE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Inverted Capiz Earrings

These earrings feature shimmery, creamy white capiz shells, each framed by a black edge.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchase, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

We All Have ‘Em & God Can Handle Them

Last week, we talked about “How to Handle Doubts & Still Honor God,” but this week, I want to talk about specific common doubts I have wrestled.

We all have doubts, & as was mentioned last week, doubts are one of Satan’s oldest tricks to push us further from hope & truth by making us withdraw from God.

But as we also mentioned last week, God already knows about our doubts because He knows all things hidden & revealed. He can handle your doubts & He understands that we are limited, created, & finite, while He is Limitless, Creator, & Eternal.

There will just be things we don’t understand sometimes & He knows that.

Remember, God Will Help Us Work Through Them

And when we turn to Him in those doubts, instead of pulling away from Him, He is able to help us work through them, either by giving us an “aha!” moment of clarity, revealing how it all fits together with your specific doubt, OR, He will reveal more of Himself to you—His love, His patience, His gentleness, His wisdom, His strength, His power, etc. to reassure you that while you may not be able to understand how to work through that doubt, you can definitely rest assured that trust in Him is sure & steady & always worth it.

So, now that we’ve reviewed, let’s take some time to focus in on some specific & common doubts, always remembering that God always knows best.

1. “How Do I Know Which Religion Is the RIGHT One?”

This is one that plagued me for years growing up, claiming I was a Christian, but not really sure if I was right or whether we were ALL right in some way? I really didn’t know.

But it can’t be one of many, because Jesus claims that He is THE way, THE truth, & THE life & that no one comes to God except through Him. (John 14:6)

That may sound like a stuck up, arrogant, self-absorbed claim to make, but here’s why it’s THE BEST news you will ever hear.

All other religions leave it up to you to be “enough”, the ambiguous, always shifting, unsteady push to be better & earn it in one way or another.

The “Good News”-Jesus Paid Our Debt IN FULL

But JESUS lets us know that even if just counting our inner thoughts, not to mention all the wrongs we have done, we CAN’T earn it… But that HE earned it FOR us.

I really believe that Jesus came later in history to die for us in order to reveal to us that no matter how much we reject & hate Him, no matter how wrong our wrongs are, no matter how much we could never earn it by balancing the scales ENOUGH in our favor… NO MATTER WHAT, Jesus STILL was faithful & STILL chose to die on our behalf.

That’s some GOOD NEWS if I ever heard any!!!

We strive to do good, not to earn His favor or balance any scales because our debt it PAID IN FULL. We do it out of a grateful heart that realizes that because His love is SO GREAT for US, He is worth giving our all to!

2. “What If God Isn’t Even Real? I Can’t See/Feel/Hear Him.”

The quickest & simplest way to dispel this doubt is to consider the wind. We can’t see it, but we can see its work as it blows a leaf across the ground, rustles the grass, & even knocks down big structures. It is gentle & soft sometimes & overwhelmingly powerful at other times.

If you remember our Matthew 5 (Part 2) talk, we mentioned how the “Pure in Heart” are blessed because they “will see God” (Matthew 5:8). As we strive to live with an undivided heart, in seeking to filter everything we do or think through God’s will & way, we begin to see Him more clearly in day to day life.

Talk to Him in All Things-Prayer

The more we talk to God & share our fears, worries, anxieties, anger, pain, scars, excitement, goals, plans, thoughts, etc., the more we begin to see Him interact in very intimately specific ways to our thoughts shared with Him. It’s pretty amazing!

If you never spend any time reading His Word (the Bible) consistently or talking to Him (prayer) consistently, don’t expect to recognize His fingerprints everywhere. The opposite is true.

Also, just look at the complexity of our mind & body… & babies forming in the womb, the sky’s clouds/sunsets, the ocean, the variety of flowers, the variety of tastes, smells, textures, temperatures, etc. This world was made (by God’s hand) with both specific order AND vast complexities/varieties. HOW COOL!

3. “I’ve Done Too Much Bad Stuff in My Life. If God Knew/Knows, He Would Never Forgive Me.”

OUCH. This one hurts, doesn’t it? I have BEEN there.

People like to look at me now & think, “such innocence, such grace, such sweetness of the soul…” (No? Okay, so maybe that’s just my wishful thinking, haha.) but God sees it ALL. He sees every decision I have knowingly made to reject Him & do things my way. He sees every excuse I made to back out of obedience. He knows when I have had a terrible attitude & was only looking out for numero uno (ME).

He also sees my list of past sins & ones that sometimes pop up & snag me for a brief time when I am not diligent in seeking God first, before I started trying to turn my life over to Him in meekness/letting Him take the reins of my time & life.

I’m not fooling Him in any way. And neither are you, if you’re trying. He sees you. He sees ALL of you.

And yet…

And YET, review doubt #1 above.

“I really believe that Jesus came later in history to die for us in order to reveal to us that no matter how much we reject & hate Him, no matter how wrong our wrongs are, no matter how much we could never earn it by balancing the scales ENOUGH in our favor… NO MATTER WHAT, Jesus STILL was faithful & STILL chose to die on our behalf.”

He sees it all. He knows it all. AND YET, He still forgives it all & He still came to die for us, that if we admit our wrongs, ask forgiveness for them, & turn from them, claiming Jesus as our SAVIOR & REDEEMER & LORD of our life, He is faithful & just to forgive us (ALL) of our sins! (1 John 1:9)

Don’t let Satan’s lie of “you’re just too far gone,” keep you from realizing the freedom & hope & security & JOY of Jesus’ grace meant for you!

4. “Why Pray? Can He Even Hear Me? If He’s GOD, Doesn’t He Know Already & Won’t He Just Do What He Wants Anyway?”

That’s a whole lot of doubts rolled into one (which I may delve deeper into each specifically later). But….

Yes, He can hear you just fine. And yes, He hears you even when you talk to Him in your mind. He hears you every moment.

Prayer is still something I wrestle with understanding fully because it seems so beyond imagination that the God who created EVERYTHING can hear me AND every other person at all times & that He condescends Himself to work through our prayers.

AND, while He can hear all of it all at once, & while He has a perfect will & plan, He can ALSO work our prayers INTO His plan.

Always Check What God Says About a Topic

If we check out 1 John 5:14-15 we are told, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of Him.”

This doesn’t mean we can ask for an ice cream cone & one will appear in our hand. He isn’t our personal genie.

This also doesn’t mean He will always answer the way we think or hope or want. Because He knows better.

For instance, if we pray for true love, meaning particularly the man we have our eyes on, God may see how that man’s path or future does not line up with you as well as you think it does, & so He starts shaping the path toward someone else & ENDING this one, making you feel ignored & hurt & betrayed, when really, God is answering what you want, in His perfect fore-knowledge & wisdom, without you seeing it.

God Is Always Working

Sometimes, God will use the words of someone else, a book, a sermon, a tv show, etc. to speak right into what you’re asking Him about. (I don’t mean, “she said YES, so God is telling ME yes!!” but more of a lesson learned or teaching moment.)

He also knows that oftentimes, what we really need is not to have our way, but to trust HIM more with whatever it is. Like yearning for marriage/dating, when we really could stand to see how fulfilling God is to us when we really put effort into seeking Him—a steady love we can stand on versus an uncertain romance that could leave us hurting worse than before.

He Will Help Us As We Turn to Him for It

God never lets us down. (By the way, I feel the need to point out here that while Jamie & I are imperfectly learning together, I am certainly glad I waited for Him because our imperfections work well with each other’s strengths—but I cannot lean on him in all things & he can’t with me because we are JUST HUMAN… we have our limitations, while God DOES NOT.)

I could go on for a LONG time about all the different things I have learned about prayer—most of all that even in learning to or WANTING to trust Him, we CAN ASK for His help & He WILL HELP us.

(Check out the Categories listed on this site (at the bottom or to the right in a drop-down menu) & go to “Prayer” to read more!)

More Next Week…

I feel like this is a good stopping point, even though there are SO MANY more doubts out there, but I will possibly do Part 2 on Doubts next week, so stay tuned!

Shine HOPE by turning to God through ALL of your doubts & letting Him help you work through them!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Iris Earrings

Iridescent pink crystal beads sway on these golden teardrop hoops.

Artisan Information:

In Peru, rural citizens have been affected by extreme poverty & guerrilla warfare. Women are affected the worst as their husbands generally leave them in search of work. Many are unable to get the basic needs of food, shelter, & clothing. But with every purchase of this product, women are finding hope & an income by hand making this beautiful product. Because of you, these family businesses are now empowering the next generation!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Peru!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Who Else Doubts God Sometimes?

Let’s talk about doubts about God, today.

We’ve all had them, whether we readily want to admit that or not. It’s natural to do it, since God’s working is so out of our ability to understand on so many levels–He is infinite in His knowledge of time & history… past, present, & future.

What Do You Do About Them?

So, what do we do about them?

I’ll tell you what I used to always do growing up—stuff them.

That’s right. I saw my doubts flutter across my mind, felt guilty for feeling/thinking it, & then just tried to pretend they weren’t there at all.

I will be the first to tell you, don’t do that… you’ll always regret it at some point.

Stuffed doubts tend to grow underneath & can create even bigger problems down the road for you.

So then what do you do with them if you can’t ignore them?

The Oldest Trick in the Book

Well, let’s start by saying that doubts are not only natural to mankind, they are also the oldest trick in the book for Satan—Garden of Eden story ringing any bells for you on this?

“Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?” (Genesis 3:1) (emphasis mine)

He twisted what God had commanded about not eating from that one tree, to undermine God’s authority & make it seem an outlandish, unreasonable thing for Him to command, by clumping in every other tree to exaggerate his point to Eve.

And he does the same to us…

“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8)

Doubts Once Consumed Me As I Sought to Hide Them

Let me begin this section by reminding you that the following doubts, while are common to cross a person’s mind at some point, are ALL laced in deceit (LIES).

“Did God really tell you you could never have ANY fun? What kind of life is that?”

“Did God REALLY tell you to spend your time reading an old, boring book? As if that will help anything?”

“Did God really do all of those harsh judgments written in the Old Testament? Wouldn’t that make Him evil & someone to avoid?”

“Did He really say you shouldn’t do what feels so natural & right to YOU? Does He even know what He’s talking about?”

The questions go on & on, & I have wanted to buy into them almost every time a new one shows up. That’s why the guilt… & the avoidance.

God Already Knows Your Doubts & He Can Help Set the Record Straight

But let me comfort you with something right now… You are safe with bringing your doubts to God.

He understands we have limited foreknowledge & limited wisdom & limited understanding. He understands that we grew up believing differently than what His Word tells us is best for us.

And He KNOWS how to help you with those same doubts & every other one that sneaks in & threatens to take over.

Don’t Pull Away… Draw Near

You see, when I once hid them away, trying to ignore them, they would fester & sprout & grow as doubts against God in my heart. They made me pull AWAY from God, which is what Satan wanted all along.

But God is compassionate & loving & kind. He is all-wise & all-knowing. He can HELP you sort through those doubts & to set you free with a big dose of TRUTH to wash them away, even when you see no possible way.

Twu Wuv, It’s What Bwings Us Togevah Today

Look at what the Bible tells us about TRUE love (or, & tell me if you get this reference–TWU WUV) in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (emphasis mine)

Now compare that with 1 John 4:8: “Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” (emphasis mine)

God IS love.

Now read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 again with this in mind & tell me whether you believe that God will receive your doubts with kindness, understanding, & HELP.

He Beckons Us Closer

You see, the biggest thing I had always been missing when my doubts sprung up was that God was okay with me admitting they were there.

And not only that, but He wanted to help me know the Truth with which to replace those very lies.

I can’t begin to tell you how many doubts about God I have had in my lifetime & I am no longer ashamed to admit that. I venture to guess that I am not the only one.

So, This Is What I Know Now About Doubts

So, what I know about doubts is this:

1. They exist in (most likely) every single person at some time or another.
2. Satan puts a lot of those doubts there to distract you & to deceive you to push away from your only source of TRUE hope & Truth & love.
3. God understands that we will have doubts & welcomes us to bring them to Him for help & understanding.

Knowing these things, how do we handle those doubts while still honoring God & not pulling away from Him like Satan wants?

Suit Up

Here are some helpful weapons to use against the doubts WHEN they come:

1. Being aware that they’re a cunning & ruthless tactic of Satan & that he is known as the Deceiver.
2. Not hiding from them, but rather admitting them to God & asking for His help either to understand the TRUTH to counter that doubt, OR to learn how to TRUST Him regardless of whether or not you can grasp the Truth (because, let’s face it, there are things about God’s plans that span beyond our lifetime & understanding & therefore, we may never see exactly how something fits in God’s plan, but we can know that He has one & that it’s a good one & that it’s also meant for our good & the good of all mankind.)
3. Staying consistent in reading the Bible & learning a deeper view of WHO God is, so that when those doubts come, you are planted more securely in a broader perspective & are less easily rattled by those springing doubts.
4. Memorizing God’s Word, even bit by bit, tucking away Truths in your heart to act as a sword & shield against doubts that try to knock you down. Be ready!
5. Asking a pastor or Christian mentor whom you trust their discernment or knowledge of God’s Word & ways better than you do, who can give you perspective on it deeper than maybe what you see on the surface of that doubt.
6. Lastly, & most importantly, STAY CONNECTED to God by talking to Him frequently, asking for His wisdom, direction, peace, strength, courage, hope, comfort, etc. Connect yourself with Him & cultivate that trust by spending time with Him. Not just in following rituals, but by talking to Him about your worries, stress, anger, hurt, doubts, hopes, aches, plans, loves, relationships, etc. EVERYTHING. Let Him in & let Him help & let Him teach you to love Him more by Him showing you more of how much He loves YOU.

Embrace God’s Willingness & Ability to Help You Face Your Doubts Head-on

Don’t run from doubts. Don’t let them fester.

Face them head on & embrace God’s willingness & ability to help. He knows where that doubt is coming from & He has the wisdom to reassure you or teach & grow you into a better understanding.

He can handle it. Trust me.

So, run to Him, always, in all things, & talk to Him without ceasing.

HE is where your hope comes from.

So shine HOPE by taking those doubts to Him & getting them sorted out & dealt with BEFORE they become a problem, or even as healing, clean-up, & growth AFTER they already are a problem. Either way, He’s got you, babe.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Ramala Bracelet Set

A set of 2, these bracelets are silver, adjustable, & one features real moonstone, with varying hues of lilac, blue, & purple.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Quick Reminders

So, last week we talked through some thoughts from the beginning of Matthew 5.

I never really understood this passage of “Blessed are…. For the shall…” verses, but in my recent study, I learned to see them as a sort of ladder for a life given to, lived for, & hoped rested in God.

I also wanted to remind us to see these not as, “It’s a good thing if you…. For you will be blessed,” but rather, “When you…, you will be blessed.”

PART 1 Recap–Matthew 5

(All emphasis/brackets are mine in verses.)

We already talked about the first three rungs of this ladder last week, in Part 1, but let’s do a quick review.

1. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God.” (Matthew 5:3)

This one, as we discussed last week, refers to a recognition of our own depravity (our own sin & a realization that our “good” deeds cannot save us—that we need a Savior outside of ourselves—Jesus Christ).

We are blessed in this recognition because we are opened to receive God’s free gift of grace & reconciliation to God through Jesus Christ, allowing us to join the kingdom of God!

2. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)

When we realize how wretched & helpless to save ourselves that we really are, it is natural to mourn & to feel grief over how we have mistreated God.

But God doesn’t leave us in that grief-stricken state. He offers us His comfort!

3. “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” (Matthew 5:5)

As we discussed last week, meek means strength/power under control versus timid/pushover. The implications being that instead of self-solving, self-soothing, & self-shielding… we learn to hand over the reins of how our life is lived to God. We give Him control instead of claiming it ourselves.

I also want to remind us that this is a lifelong process of learning to give more & more of ourselves to Him. Give yourself grace, fail forward, & ask for His help in doing it every step of the way!

(To catch more on each of the above three rungs of the ladder, read PART 1/3, here.)

And now that we’re all caught up, we move onto the next few rungs of this ladder:

4. Blessed Are Those Who Hunger & Thirst for Righteousness

“Blessed are those who hunger & thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.” (Matthew 5:6)

Once we realize our own depravity & need for Jesus Christ, mourn over our sin & wretchedness (& are comforted), & then submit the reins of our life to doing it God’s way… we begin to hunger & thirst for righteousness.

Basically, we get a taste for the goodness in God’s way of life & we want more.

We want to learn more about what pleases Him & honors Him & how He designed it to be. We want to cling to His way!

It doesn’t mean we’ll get it right all the time or even that we will always have the right attitude (I have to pray & ask God for help with a willingness to seek Him sometimes on days when rebelliousness is luring me every other way).

But it does mean that we hunger for it. We thirst for it. We want more of it in our lives!

We recognize that our way led to pain & dissatisfaction & emptiness & we want to be filled with Him in all areas of our lives, to feel complete, loved, filled, purposeful, secure, steady, & healed! Those are the things that come naturally in living a life lived for Him—even in the struggles!

And God promises that we will be blessed because we will be filled!

5. Blessed Are the Merciful

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.” (Matthew 5:7)

Once we have seen God’s mercy & tasted the freedom, the healing, the filled joy that comes in it… naturally, we begin to see others in need of that same mercy & grace that we didn’t deserve either.

(NOTE: This one can be difficult for us (including me) when someone intentionally hurts us. It is definitely an area we should ask God for help with when we want to hold a grudge or a hurt. Trust Him with healing & a right perspective.)

So, being merciful means basically having a forgiving heart. It means recognizing that the other person is equally loved by the same God who loves us SO MUCH.

Be quick to forgive.

Because, when we are merciful to others, God says we will be blessed in also receiving mercy. So, let’s strive to live that way toward each other, shall we?

6. Blessed Are the Pure in Heart

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” (Matthew 5:8)

Have you ever wondered how people seem to hear from God when they pray? Well, hopefully talking about this verse will shed some light into that.

When I looked up “pure in heart”, the definition that stood out to me was “undivided.” Basically implying that the more you turn the reins of your life over to God & the more that you crave to learn & live God’s way & the more you seek to extend the same mercy to others that you were given by God… the more your heart will become undivided in its focus to live completely for Him in all things & to look to & turn to Him through every situation or struggle or trial or pain.

He becomes our main focus in life—the way it was always intended to be, like walking together with Him in the Garden of Eden, except now with a broken-by-sin world (in which we need Him all the more).

Oh, how blessed this is… how irreplaceable… how indescribable!

An Undivided Heart Begins to See His Work & Love All Around Us!

You may be intimidated (as I was) over the wording of this “pure in heart” knowing how impure we are… & we may never perfect this in our lifetime, as we still battle with our flesh while on this earth—but as we seek to grow in being undivided, we begin to also recognize God’s voice.

Sometimes it’s a whisper across our heart when we are drenched in sadness, reminding us how loved we are & how capable He is to be our strength in the unrelenting storm.

Sometimes it’s an inner strength & courage (coming from outside ourselves aka the Holy Spirit) when we turn to Him in times of great fear or worry, knowing He can handle anything.

Sometimes it’s a whisper of a verse you memorized once, reminding you of God’s Truth in the midst of Satan’s guilt-saturated shame game that he tries to torment us with our past.

Seek Him in & for All Things

It’s an undivided focus that is grown out of a heart & mind & efforts devoted to God in how we seek Him through prayer & through reading/studying His Word, the Bible.

And when we live that way, we are blessed with seeing God work in the mess. We see His fingerprints in every situation, working it out for our good. We are comforted seeing Him at work all around us, even to the displayed splendor of His majesty in His ever-changing artwork of the sky. We SEE Him everywhere.

And we see Him in His love for those He loves—every person past, present, & future. Angelic facades & outward rebellion & everyone in between. He loves them all.

Shine HOPE

And, in preparation for next week’s grand finale of this life lived for God, that’s where we’ll leave it for this week!

Shine HOPE by realizing your need for Him, mourning your mistakes, being comforted by God, turning the reins of your life to Him, seeking to learn & live His way, being merciful to others as you have been shown mercy, & seek above all to have an undivided heart for God, through Jesus Christ’s sacrifice & the help of the Holy Spirit, through prayer & the study of God’s Word!!

 He’s got you, babe.

Coming Next Week

Next week is Part 3/3 of this topic! Woot!

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Onyx Necklace

Modern hammered brass necklace features 3 genuine onyx drops.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty for families & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Hold Up

I was reminded, upon completing last week’s post about “Falling in Love, Heartbreak, & Learning to Trust God’s Plan,” that I neglected to mention a special pivotal moment of discovering who God made me to be, despite who I thought I was already.

Shaping Our Identity

Growing up, we all sort of grow to believe who we think we are, based on what our parents or others say about us or based upon stereotypes that the world presents to us.

We form our idea of “self” based on so many different internal & external factors: our desires, our fears, our insecurities, our successes, our failures, our wants & the way others view us or talk about us (among many other things).

We also create habits of self-protection to either save face or prevent a future hurt.

Insecure & Unsatisfied

For me, I grew up severely insecure about my appearance—so much so that I would shower with a t-shirt on & was afraid to see my face in the mirror because I was too afraid to look at myself.

I saw myself as unlovable & disgusting.

But, in my late teens/early twenties, I was determined not to stay stuck in a place of self-loathing because, like so many of us, I just desperately wanted to feel like I was worthy to be loved by someone.

I Had a Plan… A Plan That Backfired

So, instead of praying about it, I created a self-protection technique to help me get attention (which I thought was basically proof that I could be wanted & therefore, loved.

Besides deciding to shower in a t-shirt & avoid mirrors, I also self-protected by deciding to dress in a way that drew attention to my “assets” by wearing low-cut shirts & short shorts.

I thought attention to my body was the same as attention to me. (I was wrong.)

And, to top it off, I grew accustomed to speaking in such a way that way that each sentence was dripping with innuendos & flirtatious banter.

I taught myself how to make anything into a dirty joke because it proved effective in getting that attention I craved.

When I admitted to being a virgin at the time, people actually laughed heartily because I was so convincing to the contrary. I was proud of that (but a little hurt).

Getting Attention… But Something Felt Off

Perfecting the role I had assumed, I made more friends & got loads more attention.

I thought it was great. I enjoyed the power trip & the confidence that came with it.

But something just felt off.

The attention I was getting made me feel objectified more than loved or cared for. It made me feel icky.

Maintaining the Façade

I felt like I had to maintain this persona in order to feel worth anyone’s time or attention, but sometimes I just didn’t feel like I was being authentic… Like I was keeping up an act in order to stay appealing.

I guess that’s why my heart cries out toward actors & singers & other celebrities. Maintaining an air of perfect “I get along with EVERYbody ALL the time,” is just hard & quite frankly unattainable.

Everyone deserves an opportunity to just wear a messy bun, sweatpants, talk about things that aren’t as “appealing” to others, & just be real. No one is perfect. No one.

But I tried to be. I got pretty good at reading people & would adjust my personality or talk to make myself more appealing. I wanted to be liked & loved.

But like I said, it wore on me. I felt tired of keeping up this image.

I wanted to just slice through the fake efforts, just be myself & have that be enough for someone.

Who Am I If Not This?

But the biggest problem was, I didn’t know who I actually was without this personality I had invented.

I didn’t know how many friends I would have left if I didn’t keep up this image… this act.

I didn’t want to risk losing everyone… my circle… my net… my support.

I didn’t want to be alone.

I didn’t want to be unwanted.

So, I kept it up & dug in deeper to this image of confidence I portrayed to the world.

Unwanted Wanting

Guy friends ended up taking more “liberties” with me than I felt comfortable, but I was too worried about seeming insecure, about breaking the mirage I tried so hard to maintain.

And by the time it broke my heart enough (& with the supportive help of a good friend coaching me through it (Thank You, JD!), when I finally started standing up for myself… they got aggressive about it.

I was sexually assaulted by several friends, several times.

I was starting to realize that I no longer wanted so much attention.

I started to hate my persona.

I started to hate who I had become. Who I thought I was.

I felt so afraid because I didn’t know if that really was me, & if it wasn’t, I didn’t know who I was. I was afraid to lose everyone.

Finally… I Prayed

I was afraid that if I let the façade slip… if I faced depression again… if I didn’t try hard to be so loyal & friendly & a great listener & flirtatious & on & on & on, then any guy I dated would just walk away.

But I couldn’t keep the mask on forever.

So, I started to finally pray.

“God, I don’t know who I am. I don’t feel like I have any value. I feel unlovable. I don’t feel like I am special or desirable. I am afraid of being alone & unloved. I am afraid of being so ugly & not feeling like I have anything else to make anyone think twice about me. I don’t know who I am outside of this. This feels like me. It comes so naturally to me… but something about it hurts… Like I have to ALWAYS be this way in order to keep anyone around. God, I feel like this is me, but I guess You made me, so I guess if anyone knows who I am meant to be, it’s You. Show me YOUR potential for me. Show me YOUR design. Show me who YOU created me to be. And help me to trust You if I lose everything in the process. Please help me!!”

It was a scary & difficult prayer to pray, but I prayed it so many times I lost count.

I Wanted God’s Way… I Didn’t Want to Feel Used & Fake Anymore

I was desperate to feel like there was more to me than this fake girl who always had to make everyone happy 100% of the time & drew in people who took advantage of me just to feel like I had some worth.

God had to know. And I needed to know.

I needed to find me… His way… His plan… His design.

And guess what, Beautiful, He began to show me.

God Makes All Things New

Slowly, gradually, the fake flirtatious persona began to fade away as opportunities for dirty jokes would come up & just seem to be unappealing… I would just feel disgusted, like, “No, I am worth more than that. I don’t have to make people think about sex in order to be valued.”

It was a hard road & I ended up stepping away from several friendship circles, but I suddenly didn’t care so much.

I felt confident & free. I felt like I was finally myself (& I was finally okay with that!)

Who Do You Let Define YOU?

You see, it’s easy to let the world define us.

It’s easy to let our past define us.

It’s easy to let our inner cut-downs define us.

But we need to learn to let GOD define us.

God created you, Beautiful… & He doesn’t make mistakes.

God MADE You

Maybe you don’t measure up to what your parents, siblings, family, friends, or to what the world thinks you should be: prettier, smarter, thinner, more fashionable, more fit, more creative, less creative, blonder, darker, lighter, taller, shorter, curlier hair, straighter hair, etc….

But GOD MADE YOU.

We try to fashion ourselves into the niche we feel we belong based on the facts we believe about ourselves or what we believe others want from us…

But GOD MADE YOU.

Lean into Him. Ask Him. Ask Him to show you His design for you.

And don’t be satisfied to stop praying until you see Him begin to shape you & change you from the inside out… an inner confidence based on His design & your worth based on His love & care for you.

GOD MADE YOU.

Take Your Presuppositions & Pray About Them

And I can tell you from personal experience, that if you take your presuppositions & assumptions about who you think you are or who you think you have to be or are supposed to be… & you take that to Him in prayer, to trade it for HIS DESIGN instead… You will NOT be disappointed.

In fact, you will finally feel like YOU.

Imagine that!

Trust Him always, Darling. He loves you infinitely & He doesn’t make mistakes, no matter what anyone says about you (or no matter what you say to yourself—stop that inner self-hate dialogue!)

Trust Him. Always. Trust His DESIGN.

Shine Hope by being your beautiful, God-designed SELF!

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Chelsie Necklace

This curved bar necklace features gold & rose gold tones. Hanging from a gold colored chain, this piece was named after one of our co-founders because of her golden & modern style, along with her passion for using sustainable business to end poverty.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Pivot Moments

These last couple weeks, I have begun taking you on a journey of major “Pivot” moments in my life.

In these moments of life change, God has shown Himself true & reliable & capable. He has been the love & grace & patience & power that has gotten me through & He is patiently guiding me to be the woman He made me to be.

Doubts to Darkness

This week, we are following through with the results of last week’s Pivot moment & the answers that finally squashed all of the doubts rattling my heart.

((To catch up from last week & read the story of my seemingly endless doubts, check out that post, here.))

So, after a year or two of doubting everything I once believed in about the simplicity of grace… depression hit me hard.

We’re about to dive headfirst into my darkest days, so hold on!

Shutting God Out & Choosing Me

You see, I had just spent about two years slowly training myself to shut out God’s voice of wisdom & warning from guiding me. I wanted to do it my way.

And now, I was in a raging, stormy sea without a life preserver, just struggling to survive on my own.

Depression became two long years of pain like I had never known before.

How It Began

I was a freshman, & then sophomore, in high school at this point, & my life was a mess of uncertainty & shame & fear & anger & hatred & loneliness & everything bad.

The cynical voice in my head had turned menacing & hurtful… telling me LIES that I believed, “Nobody likes you, you know. You’re not good enough for anybody. You’re an idiot. You’re fat & ugly. No one wants you. Their lives are harder because you’re alive. You complicate everything. Their lives are more peaceful & happier when you’re not here. Why are you here? No one wants you. You’re annoying. You’re too loud. You talk too much. Look at the mistakes you’ve made… you can’t undo them. You are a broken person who can’t be put together again. It would be better if you didn’t exist. You just make life harder for everyone. You would be doing everyone a service to not be here anymore. You can’t ever get anything right. Your family doesn’t want you. Your friends think you’re a joke. God doesn’t care about you either, if He even exists. You’re all alone. Why are you still here?”

Those lies were my every moment. I couldn’t shut them up or drown them out.

Trying to “Fake It Til I Make It”

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shut off those voices in my head telling me life would be better without me in it.

I got so tired of asking for advice from others… because it never helped.

I started plastering on a smile that never quite reached my eyes & pretending that I was fine & I could handle it.

But I couldn’t.

Fading Away in the Silence

I was chipping away… My resolve weakening every time I cried.

I would be sitting in class, listening to that endless reel of hateful dialogue in my head & my eyes would burn with hidden tears.

I would write my hurt & fears in journals, needing to tell SOMEONE, only to end up sobbing at the fact that that “someone” was paper because I didn’t feel like I had anyone who understood the hell inside my head.

Sometimes I thought about suicide.

No One Understood, Not Even Me

I would try to tell someone, only to be mocked or teased or brushed off.

I would plaster a smile on my face that never quite reached my eyes.

I felt numb & hated & unloved. I felt angry & hurt & alone. I felt LOST in my sea of doubts, unable to find steady ground to hold on to.

My Secret Tears

I would come home from school so many days, grab my kitty “Valentine”, & slowly, quietly close & lock my bedroom door trying not to draw attention to myself, duck into my closet, underneath my row of clothes hanging above me, close the closet doors to block out the sunlight (& the sound of my sobs), & then wail into a pillow I had brought in with me, hugging my cat tightly under the other arm.

I spent several days a week like this for two years & I don’t know if anyone ever even knew.

My Life Began to Fall Apart

I hated my life & everything in it because I felt so alone & so unloved & so worthless.

The menacing whisper never let up either. It followed me everywhere I went, never letting my heart rest.

I felt constantly beat up by a relentless wave of self-hatred.

My grades began plummeting. Relationships became strained.

I was losing faith in myself & others seemed to follow suit.

Pray, Girl, Pray! … But I Did!

At this point, you might be thinking, “Michelle! Your advice is always ‘pray first!’ so why didn’t you do that???”

I prayed so much it hurt.

I felt that God had abandoned me… that my choices to slowly, gradually do things my own way had offended Him beyond repair.

I was a Christian who “knew” better & yet had still turned her back on God.

Why would He want me? … If He even existed (I wasn’t sure of anything anymore).

But I kept praying.

Is He Listening? Does He Care?

I wondered how God could love me & let me suffer.

I wondered if He had just created us & left us down here to suffer while He laughed & pointed out our failures.

I wondered if He was even real.

But I kept praying because I knew that if He was real, He’d be my only hope.

I Prayed… & I Hurt

If He was real, the way He describes Himself throughout the Bible, then He alone was powerful enough to clear my doubts & prove Himself as the one true God.

If He was real, He had the power to fix everything.

And yet, I kept hurting.

I kept hurting worse, with every day, or so it seemed to my breaking heart.

I felt alone.

Rays of Hope Broke Through

And there would come times where I thought I saw Him through the dark clouds that overtook me.

A ray of sunshine (of hope) would break through my heart.

I would think, “Hey, that seems to be God helping me… right when I asked Him for help, _______________ happened! Maybe God DOES care about us… about me!!!”

But the Doubts Always Seemed to Win

But then, another wave of darkness… I would brush off that ray of hope like a glitch… or maybe I had just felt stronger that day & had just thought it was God or maybe it’s because someone helped me other than God… or basically maybe it was anything but God.

So, I would keep praying. But I would keep trying to find hope my own way.

And things like that ray of hope would keep happening when I chose to pray.

And still I found a way to credit something else as the source… Something other than God.

I kept praying.

The Lost Man At Sea

Have you ever heard the story/joke about the man drowning, begging God to save Him?

Well, first someone throws him a life preserver, but he says, “No thank you! I am waiting for God to save me!”

Then a boat comes along & offers to rescue him as he screams to God for help… “No thank you!” he responds, “I am waiting for God to save me!”

Then a rescue helicopter comes & offers him a ladder to climb out of the choppy seas. “No thank you! I am waiting for God to save me!”

Well, eventually the man exhausts himself from treading water & crying out to God & the waves overtake him & he drowns at sea.

When he gets to heaven, he says, “God, why didn’t you save me?? I kept crying out to You!! Didn’t You hear me?? Didn’t You care?!?”

God patiently, gently rests His hand on the man’s shoulder & responds, “My son, I did hear you. I did listen. I sent you a life preserver, a boat, & finally a helicopter… But you didn’t accept any of it.”

That’s Where I Was… That’s What I Did

That was me during depression. I cried out to God. He responded. I accredited it to someone or something else & kept crying out to God to save me.

I would fall back into the darkness only to go back to relying on myself.

I doubted God too much to stay holding on to Him as my source for help because I didn’t know He was the One helping.

Thoughts of Suicide Became Plans for Suicide… But Then, GOD

And eventually, after years of asking (begging, through bleary eyes) for God to answer & clear up my doubts & to give me a true sense of hope & peace & security… I began to give up hope completely.

My temptation for suicide became more than just considerations… it became something that felt like my only hope.

No one wanted me (according to the lies in my head) & I wasn’t good for anything other than being a burden to everyone around me (again, the lies were ruthless & relentless).

No matter what I had tried to be strong enough, to smile through it, to think more positively, to ignore it, to find my own “happy”, to fight back, to be good enough… nothing EVER worked long term. They all crumbled eventually & they left me with nothing left to fight with.

I was done.

One Night… I Gave Up

And one night, through my desperate sobs, bringing me to my knees in my bedroom… Eventually weighing me down so much that I lay flat, face burrowed in the carpet…

I gave up fighting.

I was ready to die.

I was ready for the pain to stop because I couldn’t carry it anymore.

I didn’t feel I had any choice. I felt it was the merciful choice for a family & for friendships where I only caused them more drama, more burden, more pain.

I was ready to stop fighting. I had nothing left in me to try or to give.

I was tired & angry & hurt & felt unloved & invisible & mocked & ugly & fat & worthless & stupid & never good enough & weak & a burden. And I was so, so, SO tired.

One Night… I Stopped Trying to be “Strong Enough”

And as I lay there, face planted into the carpet, arms limp at my sides… legs lifeless… heart bleeding. No strength left to cry. Just numb & empty.

With barely a whisper worth of strength & hope left.

I prayed.

“God, don’t You hear me? Don’t I matter at all to You? Do You even exist? Are You laughing at me? Why won’t You help me? Why did You even make someone as worthless as me? [Sobs] I can’t do it anymore. I can’t fight. I have nothing left. If You are real, You are my ONLY option now nothing else works. My parents think I am drugged out. My sisters can’t seem to stand me… Many of my friends laugh at me like I’m a joke… My teachers don’t even bother anymore… I have nothing left. No one left. I can’t do it anymore, God. I’m not strong enough. If You really are God, You are my only hope. You are all that’s left. Please. Show me You are real, that You are near me & that You care for me. And if You can’t do that, kill me because I give up trying to be strong enough. Be my everything or let me die.”

One Night… God Changed EVERYTHING

And as my prayer faded… it happened.

Every ounce of hatred, of pain, loneliness, fear, doubt, anger, sadness, despair, sorrow, & everything that had pressed me down & down until I couldn’t stand anymore… EVERYTHING vanished in a single instant.

I felt a full breath of hope fill my lungs.

I felt goosebumps dance across every inch of skin.

I felt hope & love & joy & peace flood me like a rushing surge of water, racing to fill every broken place within me.

I felt FREE….

A smile danced at the corner of my mouth, erasing the bitterness & hopelessness.

I sat up, stunned.

I felt as if strong, warm arms wrapped around my entire self, squeezing the loneliness & fear into a safe embrace full of love.

And every doubt was shot dead in that one moment.

God Had a Plan That I Didn’t See… He Always Has a Plan

God wasn’t letting me suffer for the fun of it…. No!

He KNEW that unless He peeled away everything else that I clung to as my source of hope, I would just keep clinging to everything else but Him… Everything but real hope.

He knew those things weren’t my answer & that the lies I believed kept me imprisoned into believing I was left to rely on unsustainable, unstable sources… like myself… ones that crumbled & faded & ebbed & flowed.

He wanted me to know solid, secure ground. He wanted me to know what true, eternal hope felt like, apart from anything temporal & fleeting that I tried to cling to.

He knew that the ONLY way to show Himself as the One true source of Hope & Truth that would get my attention & STICK was to take everything else away where there was only Him left.

Truth Is Truth, & It SHALL Set You FREE!

I had asked, not for a temporary fix, but for TRUTH I could rest in & rely on & He did what He knew it would take to show me that it was found only in Him.

You see, if you are really seeking truth… not “truth” that you WANT to believe, but ACTUAL, REAL TRUTH… God is capable of knowing exactly how you will know 100% what that truth is. He can make it crystal clear (with no smudges of doubt!)

If you just want a “truth” that satiates you into living how you want, you will always be on the waves of the sea like I was… trying helplessly to cling to whatever you think might help, only to see it insufficient & far from lasting.

But if you want SURE faith that you can go ALL IN & not come out a fool.

If you want something you can securely build your life upon…

It’s in Him. It’s found ONLY Him.

So ask Him.

Not a SINGLE Regret… Only Praise! And Freedom!

If you think I regret for a SINGLE moment those several years of doubts & then depression & then eventual suicidal thoughts plaguing my life… you are DEAD WRONG.

I feel SO BLESSED & SO PRIVELEGED to KNOW 100% what I can count on.

Do I still make mistakes? Heck yes! Do I still have doubts pop up? Heck yes!

Is God patient to guide me & do I now finally have a source I can go to with FULL CONFIDENCE to answer those doubts with patience, love, grace, & TRUTH?

YES!!! A million times yes!

I Want You to Have Peace & Rest in REAL Truth… The Simple Grace Offered by Jesus

And I want that for you. It’s why I do this blog. It’s why I write when it’s not my strongest talent.

I want you to find that secure ground… That peace… That surety… That LOVE… & GRACE! I want you to know TRUTH!

 So come to Him with your doubts & don’t stop asking! He HEARS you!

Shine Hope, by trusting in the sure foundation of real, lasting, reliable TRUTH.

Coming Next Week

Join me next Monday morning EST to follow along with my journey of Pivot moments. I can’t wait to see you there!

And make sure to Subscribe (Join My Tribe), so you don’t miss it!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Quinn Necklace

This innovative statement piece is accented with white & silver beads & has a detachable bottom pendant (shown detached), creating two unique looks.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely! deused1 \lsd

If… Then…

I have heard it asked, more times than I can count, that “if God allows people to go to Hell, how can He be a good God?”

They also tend to follow that question with: “If God isn’t good, I don’t want to follow Him.”

The above declaration is also often preceded with God allowing the presence of evil in this world, so let’s address both concerns today.

Who Are We Compared to Him?

First of all, let’s get the “If God doesn’t [fill in the blank], then I don’t want to follow or believe in Him” claim out of the way.

If God IS real & He DID create the world & everything in it. If God DOES have complete control, power & dominion over it all… I would think our opinion of His deserving our respect should not matter so much. In fact, to risk being blunt, our opinion would be completely irrelevant.

He doesn’t have to get our stamp of approval for Him to be real & for His righteous punishment for the rebellion of sin to be real.

He Is “I Am”

And reality check, He IS real, He DID create the world & everything in it. And He DOES have complete control, power, & dominion over it all.

I feel that it’s important to start there because we are not dealing with a Someone whom we can shape to our liking or decide whether or not they are real or deserving… That’s not up for debate.

The consequences are real.

But so is His grace.

How Is God Good?

So, let’s get to the “God is Good” part, in light of sin & the consequences of that sin (Hell) as a reality we must accept.

So maybe you decide God could possibly be real. Maybe you feel that little tug on your heart, beckoning you to accept His grace & be welcomed into His haven of love & comfort & hope, even on earth.

But maybe you’re stuck on sin… & on Hell.

Maybe you question God’s goodness & therefore doubt whether you can put your faith & trust into Someone you feel afraid of or defensive of in light of what you believe about yourself or the world.

Completely understandable. I have BEEN there.

Even after I got saved, I grappled with this for a while.

It’s scary.

But…

Digging Deeper

God IS Good, & so let us dig a bit deeper than the surface.

Oftentimes, we hate this idea about God because we either see our own good intentions or the good intentions of others, when thinking about our sin.

Or maybe we feel haunted by a decision we made or something we did & now we feel trapped under the wrath of God, afraid to accept it as a reality rather than an imagined construct that we can just dismiss & figuratively run away from (or try to).

But God’s wrath is real.

BUT, His grace is just as real & it covers your worst when you bow it all to Him.

We Choose to Choose

You see, if you caught my blog post a couple weeks ago, “Garden of Eden: What Was So Wrong About Eating That Fruit?” then you know that we were never intended to be in this mess of a world & life in the first place.

God’s intent was for us to stroll with Him in the perfect Garden of Eden without fears or worry, pain or strife, living in a trusting relationship with our Father God in control of everything in this world that would otherwise cause us lasting &/or immense pain.

But Adam & Eve rebelled, wanting to make those calls for themselves, thus dooming us with that same knowledge of good & evil, brought on by eating that fruit.

And not only that, but we choose to eat of that fruit every day, don’t we?–in the way that we live, choosing to supersede God’s will & way so that we can do it our own way (& inevitably screw something or someone up).

We Have the Knowledge, But Not the Infinite Wisdom

You see, we have the knowledge of good & evil, yes, but we DON’T have the capacity to see every ripple effect of every choice. We DON’T have full wisdom to see all pieces in play past, present, & future. We DON’T always know all the details involved or the subconscious trauma that our decisions cause ourselves & others simply by essentially shoving God out of the way to run things ourselves.

Even as a Christian, I am guilty of living like this, despite my intent, every single day.

It’s too easy to go based on habit, cultural norm, how I was raised, my own perceptions, my self-protection mode, good intentions, pride, fear, insecurities, doubts, uncertainties, etc., before stopping to realize I have done it again—I have acted without stopping to ask God for guidance on how to do it best.

No One Good But God

You see, we mess up every day.

No one can call themselves Good. Even Jesus said, “there is no one good, no not one” (paraphrase Romans 3:10-12) & that our “righteousness is like dirty rags.” (Isaiah 64:6)

Only God is good because He is perfection. He is lacking nothing.

He doesn’t make mistakes. He doesn’t act out of fear or hate or pride.

He just IS. He is the great I AM.

All God Asks…

And all God asks of us is to trust Him to do the hard stuff, to protect us from the painful things, & to guide us in the way that will bring us & others the most joy, fulfillment, & peace.

But we still rebel.

God Also Made a Way Back for Us

And THEN, we have the audacity to shake our fists at God for sin on this earth… for not allowing entrance into heaven for those who do not accept His grace offered through Jesus Christ.

Because He offers that grace to EVERYONE, without exception.

God Makes All Things New

Paul murdered countless Christians, BUT when he surrendered his wrongs to God, God restored him & gave him a new purpose (his originally designed purpose) to encourage countless more to find hope in Christ.

David was called a man after God’s own heart when he repented of his own guilt & shame of sleeping with another man’s wife & then sending that man to the frontlines so that her pregnancy would not be found out. But God redeemed him & used his life for wonderful things, washing his slate clean.

You see, the people written about in the Bible aren’t even “good” people.

They are REDEEMED people. Redeemed through the blood sacrifice of Jesus Christ, for even them.

And for you.

He Gives Hope Despite What We Really Deserve

THAT is why we can easily call God our GOOD God, because despite the fact that the perfect life of trust & peace & joy in Him, that He intended for us to have was spit upon by Adam & Even eating that fruit… And EVEN THOUGH we make that same decision daily by bypassing His help to do it our own way… & even though we have pasts that make us cringe in the sight of God’s righteous judgment upon our sin….

God… Offers… GRACE.

HE made the way. He paid the price. He invites us back to Himself. He bridged the gap. He beckons us home.

Run to Grace

He forgives. He guides. He loves. He protects. He listens. He gives Himself as a Comforter through the Holy Spirit. He gives HIS grace to all who seek it, through Jesus’ sacrifice on our behalf.

Don’t live defending your wrongs, in the sight of God Almighty. Run to Him.

Don’t live running from His righteous judgement. Run TO Him.

Don’t be content avoiding God in fear. Run to Him.

He Gives Grace & His Grace Is FREE

He is beside you, waiting with open arms to welcome you home.

No questions asked… No lecture awaiting your return… No crossed arms or glaring gaze.

Just GRACE.

Celebratory dancing & singing, twirling around with joy, hands reached out to pull you into a loving, joyous embrace, an “I’m just so glad you’re HOME!” type GRACE.

Let Him…

Let Him love you.

Let Him shower you with His goodness.

Ask Him to show you, personally, His love & forgiveness & hope & GRACE.

It is so, SO worth it, my friend!

Always Learning, Always Growing

Even I have to constantly grow & learn new ways to submit my ways to Him, so that I can experience His presence & goodness more thoroughly in my life.

I will forever need to grow, but His grace is once & for all.

I am forgiven. I am set free. I can look forward to heaven with full assurance that the grace of God covers even me.

And it covers you as well.

Will you answer the call?

Coming Next Week

Join me next Monday morning EST for more weekly encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Nairobi Necklace

Small hammered ovals & ethically sourced bone shapes adorn this golden necklace that shimmers in the light. Crafted in Kenya.

Artisan Information:

In Kenya, where many people struggle with starvation & poverty, the women we partner with are defying the odds! Your purchase empowers these women to earn an income, overcome physical disabilities, & become important parts of their communities!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Kenya!

(*Also Pictured: Grace Earrings, made in the Philippines!*)

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

April Special Feature

For this month’s Special Feature post, (offered every last Thursday of the month), I would like to share an answer to a question & a poem for reflection. I hope they point you to Jesus Christ as the source of your hope & love & peace & joy & strength & grace, offered freely through faith in Him.

Only He can fully satisfy that longing in your soul that can’t seem to be quenched. Love you, Lovely!

He Really Is

Is God’s grace really enough?
One Word: Yes.

Your Great Love (How Greatly Jesus Loves Us)

It makes no sense…
Your great love for me.

How can it be…
That a sinner like me
Can be counted worthy
Of a love like Yours?

Not of my own merit
Not of my own goodness
Not of my own efforts
Nothing can earn Your love.

You offer it freely
No strings attached
You loved me before birth
And You will love me forevermore

You found me in the darkness,
Lost, scared, & alone,
But You cleared out the fog
And Your love lit up my life.

When all hope felt lost,
When I had all but given up,
You wrapped me in Your love
And Your love filled up my soul

Each day, a new chance,
Every prayer of faith…
Every breath of praise…
To know Your great love for me.

You saw my past
You knew my sin
And yet Your grace still saved me
Through Your endless love for me

Guilt & shame I deserved
Hell called me to death
But You paid my debt
And Your love, it reconciled

And that same love,
You offer freely to all
That same great love
That You show with Your grace

A prayer away…
You wait to wash our sin away
A simple prayer of faith in You
For infinite grace wrapped up in Your great love for us

Your love for us…
It makes no sense.
But Lord, how grateful I am
For Your great love.

I will sing it from the rooftops.
I will share it with all I know.
The great love You have for me,
You have for all the world around.

Big or small, short or tall,
Every color shade imaginable…
Wealthy or poor, rebellious or kind,
You love us all just the same.

*Grace is waiting for you
Will you accept it in faith?
Jesus is waiting with grace
To show you His great love for you, too!*

-Michelle Hyde

Coming Next Week

Join me on Monday morning EST for some regularly scheduled encouragement!

Love you!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Fearless Earrings

Our artisans in Nepal took brass & oxidized it to create this beautiful black hue, forming these gold and black statement earrings.

Artisan Information:

In many areas of Nepal, women are not considered equal to men & are vulnerable to sex trafficking. But the women making this product are earning an income & learning entrepreneurship, giving them confidence to break social norms! With every purchase, these women are provided with education, seminars on health, nutrition & also on women’s rights. Your purchase will create change for generations of women to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Nepal!

(*Also shown: Warrior Cuff, empowering women out of poverty in India!*)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Something Missing

Have you ever felt like something is missing? Like you are scrambling through life, trying to be a good person, trying to please God with your life, but still feeling like you don’t even come close?

Especially for those of us who are Christians (those who have accepted the free gift of Jesus’ sacrificial grace), it can seem exhausting trying to keep up.

But what if that’s because we are missing something?

Is “Being Good” Good Enough?

Most of us want to believe that we’re good people, or at least that we try to be.

And for those of us who have accepted Christ’s gift of grace, having the understanding that we are free from the consequences of our guilt & shame, knowing that, after death, we will have the blessing of eternal love & joy to replace the eternal torment that we so deserve… we can sometimes think His help stops there.

When Jesus Left Earth, God Sent a “Comforter”

But God’s involvement in our lives is not just offered as a future hope from the debt we owe being covered by Christ’s sacrifice… It is offered right now, in daily life.

You see, despite this broken world preventing us from seeing the full vastness of God’s glory during life on this earth, God is with us.

If you remember, Jesus told us in John 14 that He was sending (& DID send!) a Comforter, the Holy Spirit.

So Much More Than Grace

God offers us Himself daily, through the workings of the Holy Spirit.

He offers comfort, strength, love, wisdom, guidance, & so much more.

As we seek to honor God with our lives, we will discover that we are frail & prone to temptation.

But God is infinitely strong, wise, powerful, gracious, loving & able.

The Daily Grind, With God’s Help, To Give Him Glory

As you reach each hurdle or obstacle in life, instead of agonizing over how to honor God or how to live for Him or how to be “good enough”, stop & ask for God’s help in doing those things. (*But, Hint: We will never be “good enough”, that’s why Jesus came to die in our place.)

Ask Him for peace, calm, comfort & wisdom when the kids are unruly (or when they’re driving you to hide in a closet & stuff chocolate in your face, as desperately exhausted tears roll down your cheeks–I get the feeling that every Mom faces these moments).

Ask for His wisdom & guidance before the tears even come.

Ask Him for strength, courage, & wisdom to do the right thing in a tough situation.

Ask for His peace & wisdom to guide your decisions when you’re in a tough spot & even before you’re in a tough spot.

Let God into the Conversation

That’s what “pray without ceasing” in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 is talking about… make God part of your inner conversation. Invite Him in.

Instead of mulling over, agonizing, fretting, plotting, brooding, moping, worrying, fearing, straining, guessing, or winging it… invite God in & ask what He would do instead.

God Is Our Victory, Not Us

He doesn’t expect us to be warriors for hope & truth in the darkness of this world without HIS comfort, courage, power, strength, & wisdom giving us the resources to make it happen.

I see you… maybe you’re like me & you drove yourself out of reading the Bible & praying & other things because it felt impossible.

But that’s because it is. For us. In our own strength.

But it’s not impossible for God. EVER.

Stop. And Pray.

So, before you throw in the towel, before you storm in to a situation or run away from it, before you rely on yourself to be the only way to make something happen… Stop & invite God in to the conversation.

Crawl, fall, or step into His loving & willing embrace & say something like this to Him:

“God, my [personality, upbringing, understanding, natural instinct, desires, fear, anger, hurt, etc.] is telling me to react like this, but God, You are greater than I. Your wisdom & knowledge & power & strength & courage & love & patience & graciousness are far more vast than my own. Help me to see it Your way. Help me to do it Your way. Help me to honor You. Give me what I need to walk this path the direction & way that gives You glory. You know what’s best for me AND for this situation more than I ever could, so help me to trust in You & rest in You. Guide me. Enable me to do Your will. HELP me to trust You & know You & love You more every day. Amen.”

There is no magic formula or magic set of words. He is waiting & willing to help you as you put your trust in Him.

Let God Do the Change in You As You Put More Trust in Him

Do you have doubts about Him? Ask Him for truth.

Do you have fears or shame that you hide away? Ask Him for His courage & grace.

Do you have worries & confusion that plague you? Ask Him for His wisdom.

Do you feel tired as a daughter, mother, employer, employee, wife, friend, etc.? Ask for His peace & guidance.

He is listening. He is waiting.

Crawl, fall, or step into His waiting embrace. Lean into Him. Trust Him.

And let Him in.

He is waiting for you, Lovely.

Coming Next Week

This week is our Special Feature post, every last Thursday of the month. So, stay tuned for something fun or different than our usual!

Make sure to join me next Monday morning EST, as I do my best to encourage you with the hope that only comes with trusting in Him to be your all, in this life & eternity to come.

Happy Easter (aka Resurrection Day)! He is risen! He is risen indeed!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Restoring Hope Necklace

This versatile necklace features mother of pearl in hues of black on one side and off-white on the other, hanging from an antiqued brass chain.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Sounds Good to Me…

We all like to think of ourselves as good people, don’t we?

Except for those low days that we may feel self-loathing, we generally feel like we are pretty good.

At least I do.

Maybe it’s because we help others who are hurting. Maybe we give money to people in need. Maybe we are generally pretty kind with others. Maybe we’re good at forgiving others. Maybe a million other things that are good things in & of themselves… But do they make US good?

I Like to Think of Myself

I like to think about my good qualities, & ignore my bad qualities. Weaknesses are a different thing altogether—I can acknowledge those pretty easily—but “badness” or evil or sin? Nope… I like to justify those into oblivion.

Are you with me on that? Do you also try to excuse your own bad behavior? Bad thoughts? Bad past (or present)?

Sometimes we are too busy comparing the bad with the good, feeling the latter outweighs the former.

Sometimes we are too busy comparing our badness with someone else’s whose is “worse.”

Sometimes we are just plain ignorant.

Sometimes we are too busy justifying our own actions to see there actually was a better alternative.

We all have our own personal ways of covering up the less appealing sides of ourselves.

The Pressure to “Be Good”

We sometimes feel pressure from others who expect better or seem better than we are, & we fake a façade to fit in or be liked.

But count on this… that evil is there.

I grew up in a Christian home & was taught from a young age all of the right things to say & all the right things to do. I was pretty much taught how to ACT good. But on the inside, I was just like anyone else. Rotten.

Growing up, knowing I knew all of the “right” things to do & say, I began believing that I was a pretty good person, compared to the world, at least.

I grew accustomed to subconsciously conducting a goodness check on myself, realizing that I at least wasn’t doing “that.”

But all of that was a lie I used to make me feel good about myself… justified… deserving of the grace God had given me.

HA.

Anyone else fool yourselves into thinking such things?

We Can’t Earn It, Sista!

Like we could ever earn the grace of God?

God tells us in the Bible that there is none who is good, no not one—[including myself—Michelle Hyde].

He tells us that our righteousness is like dirty rags.

He tells us it is by Grace that we are saved, through faith, so that no one may boast.

You see, when we believe we are generally good people, we are lying to ourselves. Flat out lying.

The Missing Piece

We are also depriving ourselves when we tell ourselves these lies.

How are we depriving ourselves? Because we are placing the weight of our redemption on the measure of our own goodness—continually falling short, of course.

There is freedom in recognizing our evil condition. There is freedom in realizing our complete depravity.

There is freedom in recognizing our lack of goodness because instead of trying furiously to maintain the right to grace, we can fall on our face before God & fully accept His free gift, knowing His love is so great that even though we don’t even come close to deserving it—He still offers it to us, even knowing us better than we know ourselves.

A Rocky Road with Zero Marshmallows

I have mentioned before that God has been taking me down a path of learning, to learn to rely on Him more than I rely on myself.

It’s been hard. (Hard is a huge understatement, by the way—imagine instead, me crumpled on the floor in tears some days).

It’s been hard because He has been revealing my own depravity to me. And that’s never fun. He has slowly been revealing my inward, hidden & excused-away SIN.

It’s a comfort to us, to feel like we somehow deserve the grace God offers us & to feel like we can somewhat control each situation on our own, without His help or guidance… But when God takes that lie away, it’s not so fun–trust me.

He has let me wallow in it at times, merely to show me that it’s not my own goodness or strength or wisdom that gives me victory over it—it’s His alone.

On My Own is Not Where I Want to Be

If He left me to myself… I would be just as capable of doing the worst things as anyone else… Things that would ruin me.

I am naturally a sinful person. We all are.

I like to look out for myself first. I like to think I’m great. I like to hope everyone believes I am so, so good.

But the reality is? I am just as depraved as the “worst” of us. And I am just as undeserving as the “worst” of us.

We All Need It

God is revealing to me my inward struggle. He is letting me see the shameful temptations & the awful, selfish attitudes that live in me. He is letting me see the NEED I have for HIS GRACE.

The even more beautiful truth behind this self-revelation is how wrong it is for me to gauge how deserving certain people are of God’s grace compared to others.

I don’t do this consciously, mind you—I am not a heartless, uncaring person—but it’s a natural thing to see certain sins or wrongs & wonder if they could ever submit to the grace of God–or maybe they just deserve it less than others.

But God…

But God does the saving, not us (Thank God!!!), & His redemption & grace covers everything, without discrimination of our past (Again, THANK GOD!).

Take Saul, in the Bible, for instance. He murdered Christians. A LOT of Christians. He was infamous for it & just his name alone could scare people to the core.

But God spoke to Saul, humbled him, & changed the course of history through his life. God gave him a new name—Paul–& Paul became one of the absolute most influential ambassadors of hope to the world.

God Does the Changing in Us

God changes people.

Let me say that again, in case you missed it… GOD. CHANGES. PEOPLE.

Not us. Not our goodness. Not our efforts. GOD’s. HIM, ONLY.

All we are asked to do is to take our sorry state of depravity, bow before His HOLY throne, & pour it all out at His feet.

We don’t have to become perfect first. We don’t have to prove our goodness or worth. We don’t have to offer sacrifices & earn our way into grace….

He Sees Us… All of Us… And He Loves Us

He looks at us. He sees our depravity. He sees the helpless attempts to hide our sin. He has compassion on us. He reaches out His hand & draws us to Himself. He changes us. He saves us. Him.

You see, He created us. He gave us free will to choose Him or reject Him. He never wanted to force us against our will to love or obey Him—that wouldn’t be love. But He knew before He created us, that this would create opportunity for sin—a rejecting of His ways for ours. He knew the hurt this would cause. He knew that we wouldn’t be able to fully ever wash ourselves from that sin & depravity to enter again into His HOLY presence. He knew all of that before He created us.

He knew that we would need a Savior. He knew He would have to send His Son, Jesus, to cover what we could not, in order to pull us back into His HOLY presence.

And guess what? He still created us. He watched us fall. He watched us try & fail at redeeming ourselves. And He sent Jesus to save all who would come asking.

We are lost without Him… Every single one of us.

God is Enough

We have shame.

We have guilt.

We have stains we cannot wash away.

We have hurts.

We have scars.

We have a “ME” we hide away.

But God is enough.

God is enough.

God is ENOUGH to wash it all away.

So, come to Him.

Lay it all before Him.

And let HIM be the Goodness & Redemption that your hungry heart craves.

Lay It All Down

We may be REALLY good at hiding our sin & our depravity—even to ourselves.

But God sees it. He sees it all.

And still He holds out His hand to us, an open invitation for Grace & Redemption. To become His beloved children. To be freed from the chains of our sin & shame. To live in His LOVE.

So, Lovely, take a moment to consider your own depravity.

You don’t have to cover it or hide it, because God already sees it & loves you anyway.

Just come to Him with it all.

Say something like, “God, I can’t. I just can’t. I try so hard to convince myself & others that I am so good, but we both know it’s a lie. I am so selfish, so proud, so undeserving. Please forgive me for my wrong attitudes, my wrong thoughts, my wrong choices, & the wrongs I have done to others whom you also love. Please forgive me. Change me. Help me become the woman you created me to be. Help me see the me You intended me to be. Wash me clean. Change me. Shape me. Forgive me. Be my Lord, my Savior, my Father, my HOLY GOD. Amen!”

That’s all we have to do to receive God’s grace. Lay it all before Him & allow Him to work in & change you into His beautiful vision of you. The old you washed away. The new you just beginning.

God Doesn’t Discriminate

God doesn’t discriminate based on “severity of sin” but rather loves us all indiscriminately.

So, come to Him, depravity & all, & let Him be the change you seek.

Let Him have the GLORY, forever & ever, AMEN.

Shine His Light of HOPE to the world, Lovely—SHINE HOPE.

Coming Next Week

To be honest with you… I don’t know.

I had a plan, but God seems to be washing that away, whether to show me that I need to lean on Him, or whether He has a different plan than I do, I don’t know. But I had nothing to say today, other than a prayer that God would use me as a vessel of hope somehow in the blankness of my mind today, & this is what came of it.

Stay tuned & pray for me. Pray that I don’t hide away from the hard lessons I need to learn. Pray that I don’t put on a façade of perfection, but rather bare my soul & weaknesses to the world, so that others may see His HOPE & not me.

Love you, Lovely!

A Note from Michelle:

If you want to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” & “Hope is Found” pages, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Willow Necklace

Representing Women Artisans in Haiti!

Wear this hand-rolled clay and paper bead piece as a double strand necklace or detach one strand for a matching bracelet. Accented with micro paper beads.

Artisan Information:

Haiti is home to almost 500,000 orphans. The majority of these orphans have not been orphaned by parental deaths, but by parents who had to give them up simply because they could not afford to feed them. No mother should have to give up her child. Through your purchase, you provide parents with a sustainable income, so they can keep their children with them! Be a part of families stepping into bright futures together!

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in Haiti!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE, Lovely!