A Quick Recap

Today, we come to yet another pivotal moment in my life…

So far, I have shared with you:

• Simplicity of grace in how I came to know Jesus
• My long-time battle of doubts & my eventual decision to not only pray, but to try to find happiness on my own terms
• My experience through depression & how God used that dark time in my life to solidify a foundation of TRUTH to rest in.

And now, I wish to share with you a multi-week story of what happened after I discovered that solid, reliable truth.

I Think I Know Best… But I Don’t

After God showed up in a big way, through my depression, & after He woke me up to the fact that HE was the source of truth I had been searching for for so long, was I always faithful to God? No.

I often gave (give) into human nature & I relied on what I personally thought was best, before even stopping to consider that God would know better & that I could always ask Him for wisdom. (I still struggle with this!)

It’s the human nature way of doing things when we just go through life either “winging” it or thinking we’ve got the answer & we’re ready to go… or flailing through life, wondering what in the world to do.

We (or at least I) tend to think, “I’ve got this!” or, “I SHOULD be able to do this!”

God Is Willing, But Will I Ask?

But God is right there with us, offering His wisdom, guidance, comfort, & help… so why is it so hard to ask Him versus auto-pilot mode?

This will be a forever-growing type of learning because it goes against our desire to feel in control & self-sufficient.

But, I digress….

As I currently struggle with this, I struggled with it then, too.

Turning to Music Instead of God

And a big area of struggle for me was turning to music instead of Someone who could actually help me-God.

I don’t mean that I was listening to crude, explicit music… nor that anything other than “Christian” music is even bad.

But what I mean is this—when life got hard & teen angst was winning over in my flurry of teenage hormones & emotions, my first instinct was definitely not prayer.

Validate Me!

I wanted to feel validated for what I wanted to feel about what I was feeling.

(Ain’t it fun to be a teenager? Haha. But really, I still do this.)

Oh, sometimes I thought about praying, though… but then I felt this sort of rebellion flare up inside of me, like, “No, I’m fine! I just want to listen to these sad love songs or sad ‘how dare they hurt me’ music & then I’ll be better!”

I was turning to music as my source of peace, only finding myself brooding or feeling worse because of how unfair the world felt.

The Music Always Had My Back…

I felt justified in my anger or hurt or bad attitude toward someone or some circumstance & the music was always there to back me up with lyrics like, “how dare they…” or “they’ll think twice before they…” or “I’m so sad & it’s all their fault….”

Angst galore.

And I didn’t pray for clarity or God’s peace or wisdom on how to handle it.

I just wallowed & sang along to the sad, sad tune.

But I Have a RIGHT to be Upset!

I think I liked the feeling of being justified in how upset or hurt I felt, without realizing that dwelling on those thoughts so deeply only left me feeling more hurt.

I enjoyed the drama, but I hated the hurt.

Next Time, Though…

And every time that I noticed this being the trend of results I was getting, I thought to myself, “why didn’t I just pray & ask God to comfort me & give me peace & strength & wisdom? It ALWAYS helps! You know what? No more turning to those sad songs to justify my hurt. NEXT TIME, I am definitely going to pray instead because all that hurt sucks!”

But next time…? Yep, you guessed it… I didn’t pray.

I wallowed & slunk dejectedly toward my music player, popped on my headphones, slid under the covers, & brooded the night away in tears.

It was a pathetic, sad cycle that always left me worse off.

Friendships That Encourage Us to Lean into God

But then, I had a certain friend. I’ll call her R. She encouraged me to seek God more.

We used to go in book stores, sit cross-legged on the floor, in the Christian books section, grab random books off the shelf & talk about life in our little tucked away corner.

I’m not sure how it started, but we decided to read through “Authentic Beauty”, by Leslie Ludy. (If you click the title, it will take you to view it on Amazon.com.)

My friend & I would talk about this book sometimes over the phone or on our get-togethers on the floor of the bookstore.

That book changed my world!

Hidden Gaps & Traps

The author, Leslie, talked about how we all cling to the things that we think will make us happy, but find ourselves trapped by them (um, me!) & how there are so many things that are either subconscious beliefs or tucked away secrets that keep us from going “all in” with our faith in God.

Those hidden or noticeable things entice us to hold back parts of ourselves from God, as if He doesn’t already know & see them.

Learning to Purge

In the book, Leslie also talks about doing a purge of both physical items & mental strongholds that we cling to, whether it be memories, shame, fears, doubts, etc.

Old love letters you keep tucked away for a day you feel low? Gone. (It only reminds you of what you don’t have & ends up hurting even worse.)

Pictures, mementos, or other things from old relationships that you hold on to as a sort of contingency plan when you don’t like yourself? Trash. (Clinging to anything but God is never going to satisfy us… It just makes the gaping holes more obvious!)

And my music collection. All of it. Everything. Out. (No more clinging to something that only hurt me worse. No more clinging to false anchors that leave me washed up on shore, in despair.)

Mrs. Ludy also included an online prompt guide that you could print out, to help you address thoughts that are clouding your heart & mind & keeping you trapped in the past. (I believe it is still available… check out her website on my website Resources & Recommendations tab!)

Let’s Get It Started!

Well, my friend R & I decided it was time to get together at a park, start a fire in the fire pit & take time to apologize to God for trusting these things over Him & then asking Him to help us cling to Him through life instead. It was time to purge.

And so, we took turns burning things we had held so tightly to that were just keeping us back in the empty hole of pain.

Be Gone!

I destroyed several hundred dollars’ worth of CDs.

Gone to ash.

“Why?!” you might ask… “Why didn’t you just give them away or sell them or throw them in the trash?!! That is so much wasted money!!!”

Yes, all of those thoughts screamed in my head as well.

But I didn’t want to cling to something that kept causing me more pain. I wanted out from under its hold on me. I wanted to trust God to be sufficient in His comfort, strength, & wisdom, versus a sad song to affirm my pain in the moment, but also offer no help or solution.

And if I gave it away, I would probably beg for it back… If I sold them, I felt like I was doing it for profit… & if I threw it away, I would cave & go get them out.

And I knew that the money used to buy those CDs was made possible by God’s blessing & that I would rather have Him than a CD collection.

It Was My Shackles

Call me fanatical if you’d like, but I will tell you right now that my heart KNEW I was imprisoned by that collection. I felt like I NEEDED it to survive any hurt I faced.

It was a lie. And I clung to it with white knuckles.

It wasn’t the CD collection that was wrong… It was the control it had over me.

I didn’t burn everything non-Christian related that I owned. I specifically burned that CD collection because I recognized how much power it had over me & I was no longer satisfied letting that remain the case.

God Knew What I Needed Was Really HIM

I will tell you right now that God helping me recognize that clinging to my CD collection for hope & validation was the source of so much of my heartache… & then having the faith & courage to demolish that source of control over me so I could trust the loving source of God in my life… It was the most freeing thing I have done.

I felt free. SO FREE.

Like, “Bye, Felicia! Buh-BYE! See ya never!”

It felt great!

Finding the Balance, Removing the Control

And do I have non-Christian CDs now? Yes. (I, for one, love Disney music, so… no judgement please, haha.)

But I didn’t have any new CDs (other than worship/praise to God music) for several years after that, until it no longer was my go-to.

Not the Music… The Control

Did I judge anyone else for having other music? NO! Because I knew it wasn’t the music that was bad (singing about love or happy blessings in our life is not sinful), it was the control the music had OVER me.

And I made sure that every time I hurt after that, when I felt that rebellion flare up that “I don’t need God! I’m fine!” I would then stop… breathe… close my eyes… & ask God to help me change my heart & my snooty, rebellious, temper tantrum attitude.

Then I asked Him to give me real peace & hope & comfort through Him, in my hurt, in its place.

It was 100% more effective.

Every time.

Reflect & See What Is Controlling You… & Give It Over to God & Find Freedom through Trusting God Instead!

So, what’s the moral of the story, you ask? Don’t buy music? Burn everything you own? No.

The point is to take time for reflection & ask God what is holding you back from trusting Him more.

Ask Him to show you what you’re hiding & for Him to be the gentle guide to help you eradicate it from your heart so it doesn’t keep controlling you.

Ask Him to give you courage to trust Him through the process.

Maybe go to Leslie Ludy’s site & go through the prompt guide yourself.

And ask God to comfort you through the healing.

He is walking alongside you, waiting for you to ask.

It’s not all up to you to fix everything broken or to heal everything hurting.

He is able. He is willing.

Ask Him for help. It’s so, SO worth it, Beautiful One!

Coming Next Week

This Week is time for our monthly Special Feature post! So check back on Thursday to see what it is!

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Inverted Capiz Earrings

These earrings feature shimmery, creamy white capiz shells, each framed by a black edge.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchases, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Are They Laughing At Me?

Who else here struggles with social anxiety, even occasionally? (*Raises hand!)

I saw a meme recently that had showed an inner self dialogue between a young woman & her anxiety. It went something like…

*Walks into a crowded room… Notices some ladies laughing*

Anxiety: They’re laughing at you.

Me: But I don’t even know them…!

Anxiety: But they’re laughing at you.

Me: … They’re laughing at me….

It’s funny because it’s true. (And maybe it happens way more often than we’d like to admit?)

The Cruel Tricks of Anxiety

Anxiety can play some mean tricks on us sometimes & us women seem to be plagued by it often.

We oftentimes struggle comparing our lives to others. For example, my husband says he doesn’t especially like social media because it can be so harmful only seeing the good moment snapshots of someone else’s life, without seeing the whole picture.

They Have It Together… Or Maybe Not

If you’re anything like me, it is so easy to look at someone’s snapshot of a win for them & think they have it all together, making it glaringly obvious how much I do not have it all together.

Maybe you read my blog or watch my videos either regularly or occasionally & think to yourself, “Wow, this chick has it all together with her faith & her life & her marriage.”

I will be the first to laugh at that & tell you, “I most certainly DO NOT have it all together!”

The Endless List of Ways I Do NOT Have My Life Together

Jamie & I still have misunderstanding & get annoyed with each other on occasion.

I make mistakes constantly, most of which end up being the inspiration for blog posts, because I first royally screwed things up BEFORE turning to God to ask for wisdom & His power to fix it.

I tend to act first & pray second, often resulting in big messes, tears, & lessons learned. I am so glad God is a God of GRACE & seemingly endless PATIENCE, aren’t you!?

Divisive Lies Abound

But going back to our topic, there are so many divisive lies that we believe about ourselves & others, which end up keeping us apart, versus being unified in encouraging & uplifting one another.

Sometimes, we can become embarrassed in a specific situation & then we tend to avoid eye contact with the people involved, considering all of the things they must think about you now, after the fact.

Other times, we don’t even have to be involved in an embarrassing moment to have our insecurities take the mental reins & make us feel less than worthy to associate with certain women.

And still, other times, we are completely misreading, misinterpreting, & misperceiving reality completely, making us draw conclusions about the other person or our view of how the other person must see us.

Inner Thoughts of Anxiety

“They must think I am an IDIOT after that! Oh goodness, I can’t look them in the face anymore!”

“Wow, I just showed them my true colors & now they must think I am lame compared to how cool they always seem to be!”

“I just completely lost it just then, they must think I am either a weakling or just plain crazy!”

“All the other wives (or moms) seem to be so good at ___________________ & I am just not. They probably think I am a terrible wife (or mom).”

“They looked at me funny. I don’t think they like me. They’re so much more confident than me.”

Satan Knows Where to Hit Us

You see, our minds can play some pretty nasty tricks. And Satan knows exactly where our weak spots are & likes to exploit them whenever possible.

But God is bigger. God is stronger. God is more powerful, more wise, more loving.

So much of the reason we are not more unified as Christian women, is because we are letting these embarrassments, insecurities, & misperceptions be our road map in our interactions with other women.

Dispelling the Lies, Praying, & Clinging to Truth

We no doubt miss out on some wonderful encouragement & opportunities to encourage others because of this truth & it would benefit us all to stop & pray in those moments where divisive lies threaten to keep us apart.

“God, do they think I’m an idiot? Or am I just being insecure? Help me to rise above my insecurity & embarrassment so I can be an encourager to them. Don’t let me jump to conclusions. Even if she does think that, help me to still be a good friend to her. Amen.”

“God, help me to remember that no one is perfect. I am not expected to be perfect. I am just human. And even though they seem to have it all together, help me to see them as a human who needs encouragement just as much as I do. Help me to overcome my own insecurities of my own imperfections, & help me to see her as a human in need of support, just like me. Amen.”

“God, I made a mistake. Please forgive me & help me to make it right. Please help them to be gracious to me & help me to be humble. I know that we all make mistakes, but help me to rectify this for Your glory instead of avoiding it to save face. Help bring unity here. Amen.”

“God, my weaknesses & faults seem SO OBVIOUS when I see other women do those things so well. Help me to be able to love them in THEIR strengths, while appreciating the strengths You have given me. They are not perfect either, so help me to be able to help where they need it & please keep my pride at bay so I can serve them when they need the help & help me to grow in areas where I am weak or failing. Amen.”

“God, I know that we all have insecurities of certain things, so help me not let my anxiety rule my thoughts. Help me to overcome my fears & help me to be bold in loving & encouraging others. Amen.”

Keep Your Eyes on Jesus & Draw Your Truth & Encouragement from Him

You see, perspective changes things.

We can either avoid, hide, & push others away, or we can take those insecurities to our able & POWERFUL God Who is willing & waiting to help us.

Learn to change the inner dialogue from fear to trust… avoidance to prayer.

We have all learned coping mechanisms to help us protect ourselves from hurt & oftentimes, we miss out on WONDERFUL friendships because we let our self-protection get in the way of restoration & healing. So… PRAY!

We All Have Our Strengths… We All Have Our Weaknesses…

When you worry about whether or not someone dislikes you or is too cool to want to be friends, remember that we all have our strengths, but we also all have our weaknesses… & that oftentimes, our ideas of other people’s dislike of us is a misperception built on our own insecurities.

Let prayer rule the day & kick that social anxiety OUT.

Let God Give VICTORY

Don’t let Satan’s lies keep you isolated. Let GOD trump those lies with His truth, grace, love, power, & wisdom. He’s got enough to share.

Love you!! And if we met in person, even if I have resting snooty face… it’s probably me just being insecure & thinking inwardly about my own faults, not yours!

We’re all a work in progress! Hug it out, pray it over, & encourage one another in love!

Shine Hope by praying out the insecurities & praying for the boldness to LIVE LOVE.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning EST for more encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Eternity Necklace

Multiple mix metal chains are hugged by a metal curved tube to create this simple yet elegant piece with a lobster clasp closure.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write and grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to help end poverty & create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!