God Will Continue to Work

Well, we’re nearing the end of my pivotal moments series (for now). I know God will continue to shape me & continue to shake up my normal for His truth.

Trusting God AND Ourselves… Versus Just God

Today, we are following last week’s topic about trusting God through our struggles instead of coming up with our own solutions that, in turn, create new problems. (Like trusting in singleness & then panicking when God brings a relationship into your damaged heart life.)

It’s far too easy to try trusting God AND our own solution, versus JUST trusting GOD.

We tend to think the two are the same thing. Saying to ourselves & others, “I prayed (therefore, “trusting God”), but then I will do what I think will fix it versus waiting for His solution.”

So, it warrants a discussion about praying our way through fears, & trusting God, when we’re tempted to rely on our own strategy, “wisdom,” fears, etc.

(To read our Love Story, in short story form, check them out by clicking Part 1 & Part 2.)

But How?

But how does God answer our prayers? What does “trusting God only” even mean? How do we know what He wants when it’s different than what we want? How do you hear God’s answers? How do you even know His will if you can’t HEAR Him?

Those types of questions are so common & I have thought ALL of them. I still don’t have a comprehensive understanding of how God works & will probably always have something to learn when it comes to the answers to those questions.

But God oftentimes (pretty much exclusively) leads us with baby steps, versus dumping all of His infinite knowledge on us all at once.

Remember, He is an INFINITE God.

We, on the contrary, are FINITE.

But, baby steps.

So, when my now husband, Jamie, entered my life, I first panicked, then prayed.

Unbeknownst to Me

But unbeknownst to me, Jamie was already praying… & not about wanting a relationship with me.

He was ALSO praying to avoid another heartache.

But God kept nudging him… to me.

He kept avoiding… kept praying to stay single… but God would not let him ignore me.

It wasn’t a push to get married, just an undeniable push to befriend me.

This obviously clashed with my desire to avoid him at all costs, haha. Thanks, God.

And when I could no longer avoid him, upon him asking me on our first date, I finally had to stop running & start praying.

Praying My Desire Versus Praying to Trust God’s Plan

Now, let’s be clear that I HAD been praying the whole time… but not for God’s will, wisdom, & direction… but for me to stay single (what I thought I wanted aka what I thought would keep me safest from heartbreak).

And now, I had to make a clear decision & I had to ask God’s will & guidance & HELP. I had to be willing to trust God with both scenarios of relationship or singlehood, not just singlehood.

My Prayer

But then God whispered on my heart, “Do you remember what you have been praying these last few years?”

I did. It went something like, “God, help me to trust Your plan & not just the fears or perceptions I see in front of me. Help me to see that if I marry, you are wanting me to marry a man that will grow into the man I need, versus someone perfectly fit right now. Help me to see Your will above my own. Help me to not judge someone based on their NOW, versus Your potential within them. If I marry, Lord, help it be someone who is willing to let me down in order to follow YOUR LEAD. Because You know far better what’s best for me than I do. And, Lord, because I will no longer flirt or “help things along”, I will go on at least ONE date with a man willing to ask me out when I have shown zero interest… knowing how much courage that takes. Amen.”

Well, now a guy was asking me out & I had to put my faith to the test.

I had prayed those things more than I could count. And now was my opportunity to trust God’s answer & His willingness to lead me every step.

And He did.

(But I still freaked out & panicked & wanted to bail along the way, because fear is quite a motivator.)

Ask Anyway…

But for those of you who have those questions of how God could even help… & so avoid asking God for help in those moments, wondering what God could possibly do that you haven’t already tried yourself (sounds arrogant & completely ridiculous just writing it, doesn’t it?… but isn’t that what we sort of feel, if we’re completely honest with ourselves?)… I want to share my journey & what God did for me in the midst of my questions.

My pastor friend told me many times while dating my now husband, “God is not a God of confusion. If you want answers & you seek Him for those answers, He WILL answer you… you just need to wait on God’s timing for those answers & trust that HE is capable.”

Waiting on God for Every Step, Like a Daughter Dancing on Her Father’s Feet

And so, despite my inner rebel telling me to flee the scene & not risk another heartbreak, I kept praying & I took those baby steps, waiting on God’s timing & God’s answers instead of trusting my own fear & worry.

Here are some ways I prayed & ways that God answered me along the way:

(HINT: God is an infinite God. What He guides me through is not a cut & paste testimony, but rather an EXAMPLE of how personal God is with us, when we let Him. Don’t rely on how God led ME in lieu of letting Him lead YOU. What worked for me may not work for you. You have to take steps of trusting Him with your own situation. He will guide you!)

1. Praying Before We Even Met

As I mentioned before, it’s important to be praying beforehand so you are prepared to follow & listen to God when you DO meet. Pray for discernment, peace, wisdom, trust to follow God whether in singleness or marriage… & anything else that comes to mind or worries you.

But, if you’re already in a relationship, it’s never too late to start.

2. Pray, Willing to Give It Up If It’s Not God’s Guiding

Along the way, I prayed for God to guide me… for Him to kick me out of the dating relationship, with completely clear certainty, if it wasn’t His best for us. (I was sort of hoping He would kick me out of it so the risk of heartbreak would evaporate with it.)

I prayed not to cling, not to romanticize, not to make anything more than it was. I prayed for God’s perspective to overshadow my own. I prayed to be willing to allow His will to trump mine.

3. Praying for Perspective When You Meet

I knew I was a daydreamer, wrapped up in every new possibility….

And I felt God nudging my heart in a very specific way during the beginning of my time with Jamie, “Michelle, you fall head over heels immediately when a guy holds your hand & holds you in long, comforting hugs… & if you really want to stay objective to knowing My will, you know you need to avoid physical affection because that’s a personal weakness & trigger for you.”

And so, I set strict physical contact boundaries for our dating relationship. No hugs, no kisses, no holding hands, no arms around the shoulder… & no sex. And I stuck to it.

I wanted to know Jamie for who he was, not for how he made me feel. Feelings change. I wanted more than temporary, unreliable feelings.

4. Praying Over Character/Personality & Whether It Was a Good Match with How God Designed Me

Clashes happen a lot in marriage, even when you’re “a good fit for each other.”

God had shown me different character traits that were important to me along the way, such as being willing to displease me in order to obey God… Or someone who was a kind & gentle listener, seeking to understand & discuss, versus brush off… Someone who, even with flaws & weaknesses, sought to know & love God more… not to just be a “good enough person.”

I prayed often over very specific things, asking God to show me if Jamie at least had that potential &/or willingness to grow… WITHOUT me prompting it… (& that is an important distinction)! If he knew I felt I needed certain traits & he liked me, don’t you think he would do his best to be that for me? But no, I wanted to hear it from God, not Jamie… so I never once hinted at my hopes.

My prayers were silent, between me & God only.

And every prayer resulted in Jamie telling me something like this the next day or so, “I don’t know why, because this seems really random to talk about, but I feel like telling you this story about one time when [enter a story about said character trait that I had recently prayed about here] happened.”

Blew my mind every time, but God was constantly finding ways to reaffirm His guidance in our relationship, because I was diligently seeking His will first.

5. I Set Boundaries of Potential Relationship Timing & PRAYED

After pouring out my heart to Jamie, after our very first date, expressing all of my fears & concerns, I asked him to wait THREE months before even considering asking to make it an official relationship. Friends only–no relationship talk, no romance, nothing. Just friends–for three MONTHS.

And I prayed & asked God for His wisdom & guidance & timing & I didn’t even dare try to “help it along” … I just waited on God.

Coupling with my desire to be with a man willing to disappoint me in order to obey God’s leading, I asked God to have Jamie go against my three-month request in order to ONLY trust God, even at the risk of scaring me away for good. I asked for God to push Jamie to ask me before the end of three WEEKS’ time.

And I didn’t ONCE even HINT that I was praying that as a confirmation from God. Not once.

And guess what… On December 31^st, mere hours before the three week time frame was over, Jamie spoke up… “Michelle, I have been praying like you asked me to, for God’s will & timing versus my feelings & I got my answer a couple days ago, but have continued praying & continued waiting because you told me not to even bring it up until three months, but I can’t shake the feeling that I am supposed to tell you now. I have been battling it all day & praying it away because I am terrified of scaring you away, but I feel like God wants me to say it now, so I need to say it now. I feel like God wants me to ask you out today. Will you agree to an official relationship? Will you be my girlfriend?”

If you are imagining a cartoon where the person’s jaw literally hits the floor, you are imagining pretty closely to how I felt in that exact moment.

I prayed. I waited. God answered.

God Is Infinite… God Is Infinitely Creative… God ANSWERS

As I said before, God is infinite & infinitely creative. The way He works through my life is not the same as how He will choose to move, through prayer, in your own life.

This story is meant to prompt you to PRAY… to seek God alone… To trust that HE knows what He’s doing & He CAN & WILL guide you & give you wisdom as you seek Him.

Trust Him, always… It’s ALWAYS worth it.

And when you don’t feel like you even know how to begin trusting Him… Start there… Ask Him to help you know how to trust Him. He will, my friend. He will.

Shine HOPE, by praying through the fears & unknowns (which are often the same thing).

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Brave Necklace

With hand-rolled cereal box beads, Haitian clay beads, and paired with suede tan cording, this staple necklace is perfect for any wardrobe.

Artisan Information:

Haiti is home to almost 500,000 orphans. The majority of these orphans have not been orphaned by parental deaths, but by parents who gave them up simply because they could not afford to feed them. No mother should have to give up her child. Through your purchase, you provide parents with a sustainable income, so they can keep their children! Be a part of families stepping into bright futures together!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Haiti!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The Complexities of Wanting Love

“Love”, oh what a wonderful topic to think about….

Or maybe it just seems elusive to you, a wish you wish for, but you feel is an impossible reality.

Or maybe yet, you have been hurt by love & either fear it or just feel jaded by it.

Well, all of the above describe how I once felt about LOVE.

Cue the Meet Cute

And then, I met someone who helped me open my heart to all of the beauty & joy & adventure of love… & no, I’m not talking about my husband (I didn’t know him yet).

And no, I am also not talking about God.

I am talking about a guy I met soon after high school.

This is not a typical love story though, because while I felt I had met the boy of my dreams, we never had a happily ever after.

Afraid of Love

I grew up with an unhealthy fear of long-term relationships.

I assumed they all fail… that one side would inevitably lose interest or feel trapped in the relationship… that some fights or disagreements would end up being unsolvable… that rifts form & that lusting after others through porn, flirtation, or adultery would always happen eventually.

I assumed I was too difficult to be loved… not pretty enough…  too emotional… too much of a mess… too insecure… too much of a talker… too unlovable… & that eventually, any guy who married me would figure that all out & want out.

In other words, I assumed it was only a matter of time before my heart was crushed, if I gave my heart to love someone.

Because of this, I was afraid to love. I was afraid to get attached.

I prayed over relationships, wanting so badly for love to be a possible reality for me.

Oh, What a Feeling!

And then I met him… a guy who opened my heart.

I felt so in love. I cherished every long phone conversation & was elated at every chance to spend even a few moments with him.

I shared my heart, my deepest fears & hurts… & he did the same.

He was kind & caring & took care of me. He was a wonderful friend.

I wanted so badly to love him forever & to finally break free of the fear. I wanted to marry him.

I wanted to believe he could really love me forever.

And I am sure he would have.

I trusted him & cared for him more than I ever believed I could care about someone.

But I broke his heart.

I Thought I Knew

I was ready to go all in… to trust him with my heart & to start talking about marriage.

I was ready to follow him anywhere & leave my fears behind.

I was ready to beat the odds with the man I loved so much.

I wanted to marry him more than I had ever wanted anything.

But I broke his heart.

I kept praying about our relationship.

“God, please let me marry him! I love him so much! I trust him & care about him, even at his worst. He is so kind & so good to me. I can tell him anything & know that he cares for me. Please let me feel peace to push through the fear & marry him. I want to spend my life with him. He means so much to me. Please, please, please!”

But every time I sought God’s peace & blessing to spend my life with this wonderful friend, I felt a brick wall.

“Just Keep Praying,” I Thought… “Maybe God Will Change His Mind”

I couldn’t move past the feeling of unrest, an obvious, unsettled lack of peace in my heart.

So, I kept praying through the weeks & months we were together, unwilling to let go of the man I loved so much based on a current lack of peace.

I assumed the peace would come eventually, if I just held on & kept praying.

But it never came.

The dread started seeping in, as I realized that I didn’t feel God was ever going to be giving His blessing–His blessing, based on His omniscient, all-wise, over-all perspective.

But, God.…! Pleeeaase!

I hurt so many nights after a day well spend with the man I loved so much. I grieved the potential break up I felt God was edging me toward.

I felt as if God was gently trying to pry my fingers off of what I was clinging to so tightly… my desire to spend my life with the man I loved.

And I didn’t want to let Him.

I wanted to beg Him to change His mind.

I didn’t understand why God would let me love someone so much & not let me be with him. It felt so unfair.

No Matter the Reason, Yet I Will Trust Him

I knew this man didn’t trust in God, but I thought that could change as he got to know Him through our relationship.

I could feel my heart compromising my faith as I sought to be agreeable to the man I loved. But I thought I could overcome that.

But no matter God’s reasons, He was making it clear that my love & I were not the best match for each other, in some ways that I couldn’t even see myself.

And so, after many tears, much rebellious stalling (hoping to never have to leave him… hoping God would change His mind if I waited just a week longer), after seeing that God did not budge in allowing me peace to continue my relationship that I wanted so badly… I broke the heart of the man I loved.

Crushed… Shattered… Yet Not Hopeless

I knew he wouldn’t understand that I had gotten my answer from prayer, because he didn’t believe in God.

I didn’t want to explain why I had to do it, because I wanted him to trust God & not hate him.

And so, I let my love hate me instead.

And it crushed me… shattered me.

Collateral Damage

To make matters worse, I also leaned into a great friend for support, only to end up crushing his heart as well, when my love returned & I left my friend behind, not knowing his care for me was more romantic than friendship.

And when my love had returned, I was sure this time God would say yes this time around. But He didn’t… & I had to crush his heart & mine a second time.

I lost two people I cared for SO MUCH within a short time.

Not only did I have to walk away from someone I cared so strongly for, but I let him believe I didn’t love him as much as I did, in order to protect his potential future trust in God, the only One who could ever love him the way that he really needed.

Crawling Out from the Wreckage… Finding Hope

This heartbreak haunted me for about 5 years. I would check his Facebook once or twice a year just to relieve myself that he was happy & healthy & loved. I would cry when a movie reminded me of him (like Becoming Jane or Fever Pitch). I would wish that someday, God would bring us back together again… until he married someone else.

I have prayed for him consistently since then, that he would feel loved & cared for… that God would reach his heart & give him a kind of freedom & joy & peace like he’s never known. That God would guide him as a husband & father…. That he would come to Jesus & find lasting, sure hope.

I know now the story God had planned for me was my wonderful husband, Jamie, who loves me in a way that grows me as a human being & encourages me to lean into God with each trial, hurt, or obstacle. I know that God knew what He was doing because my husband & are so complementary in how we support each other. I wouldn’t trade my husband for the world!

But I didn’t know then.

I just had to blindly trust that if God was not going to give me peace, He had a reason.

God Always Knows… God Always Has a Plan… And He Loves Us Unconditionally

I lost someone I loved & I grieved for several years as if he had died, but God had a different plan for our lives & I know now that God knew what He was doing all along.

God always knows.

I know our hearts can be convincing, but God sees our full past, present, & future, with every facet & nuance & hidden trauma. He knows our God-given gifting & the plans He has built into our lives & our purpose.

He always knows best.

My love was real, but God knew better than me.

And I am so glad that I trusted God above my love for the man I loved so much.

Thankful I Listened

I will never stop praying for that man because of how much he once meant to me, but I know 100% that God had a better plan for the both of us & I am so thankful that I listened to God’s nudging on my heart to let go & trust God instead of my heart.

Always trust God before emotions, desires, & dreams… He always knows best.

He knows YOU best & He knows what is best for YOU. Trust Him first, always.

Shine hope, by bowing your will to His way & trusting Him with every step, every desire, every hurt, & every love. God’s got you.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Holly Necklace

Co-Founder Holly’s passion is to empower women to be all God created them to be & to live out their potential. Whether in the brothels of Asia to hometown USA, her desire is to see women live out their calling with pride & dignity. This piece is a reflection of the pride & skills a woman rescued from the brothels has when given the opportunity. A delicate piece, this golden/pink druzy necklace sparkles in the light.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

If… Then…

I have heard it asked, more times than I can count, that “if God allows people to go to Hell, how can He be a good God?”

They also tend to follow that question with: “If God isn’t good, I don’t want to follow Him.”

The above declaration is also often preceded with God allowing the presence of evil in this world, so let’s address both concerns today.

Who Are We Compared to Him?

First of all, let’s get the “If God doesn’t [fill in the blank], then I don’t want to follow or believe in Him” claim out of the way.

If God IS real & He DID create the world & everything in it. If God DOES have complete control, power & dominion over it all… I would think our opinion of His deserving our respect should not matter so much. In fact, to risk being blunt, our opinion would be completely irrelevant.

He doesn’t have to get our stamp of approval for Him to be real & for His righteous punishment for the rebellion of sin to be real.

He Is “I Am”

And reality check, He IS real, He DID create the world & everything in it. And He DOES have complete control, power, & dominion over it all.

I feel that it’s important to start there because we are not dealing with a Someone whom we can shape to our liking or decide whether or not they are real or deserving… That’s not up for debate.

The consequences are real.

But so is His grace.

How Is God Good?

So, let’s get to the “God is Good” part, in light of sin & the consequences of that sin (Hell) as a reality we must accept.

So maybe you decide God could possibly be real. Maybe you feel that little tug on your heart, beckoning you to accept His grace & be welcomed into His haven of love & comfort & hope, even on earth.

But maybe you’re stuck on sin… & on Hell.

Maybe you question God’s goodness & therefore doubt whether you can put your faith & trust into Someone you feel afraid of or defensive of in light of what you believe about yourself or the world.

Completely understandable. I have BEEN there.

Even after I got saved, I grappled with this for a while.

It’s scary.

But…

Digging Deeper

God IS Good, & so let us dig a bit deeper than the surface.

Oftentimes, we hate this idea about God because we either see our own good intentions or the good intentions of others, when thinking about our sin.

Or maybe we feel haunted by a decision we made or something we did & now we feel trapped under the wrath of God, afraid to accept it as a reality rather than an imagined construct that we can just dismiss & figuratively run away from (or try to).

But God’s wrath is real.

BUT, His grace is just as real & it covers your worst when you bow it all to Him.

We Choose to Choose

You see, if you caught my blog post a couple weeks ago, “Garden of Eden: What Was So Wrong About Eating That Fruit?” then you know that we were never intended to be in this mess of a world & life in the first place.

God’s intent was for us to stroll with Him in the perfect Garden of Eden without fears or worry, pain or strife, living in a trusting relationship with our Father God in control of everything in this world that would otherwise cause us lasting &/or immense pain.

But Adam & Eve rebelled, wanting to make those calls for themselves, thus dooming us with that same knowledge of good & evil, brought on by eating that fruit.

And not only that, but we choose to eat of that fruit every day, don’t we?–in the way that we live, choosing to supersede God’s will & way so that we can do it our own way (& inevitably screw something or someone up).

We Have the Knowledge, But Not the Infinite Wisdom

You see, we have the knowledge of good & evil, yes, but we DON’T have the capacity to see every ripple effect of every choice. We DON’T have full wisdom to see all pieces in play past, present, & future. We DON’T always know all the details involved or the subconscious trauma that our decisions cause ourselves & others simply by essentially shoving God out of the way to run things ourselves.

Even as a Christian, I am guilty of living like this, despite my intent, every single day.

It’s too easy to go based on habit, cultural norm, how I was raised, my own perceptions, my self-protection mode, good intentions, pride, fear, insecurities, doubts, uncertainties, etc., before stopping to realize I have done it again—I have acted without stopping to ask God for guidance on how to do it best.

No One Good But God

You see, we mess up every day.

No one can call themselves Good. Even Jesus said, “there is no one good, no not one” (paraphrase Romans 3:10-12) & that our “righteousness is like dirty rags.” (Isaiah 64:6)

Only God is good because He is perfection. He is lacking nothing.

He doesn’t make mistakes. He doesn’t act out of fear or hate or pride.

He just IS. He is the great I AM.

All God Asks…

And all God asks of us is to trust Him to do the hard stuff, to protect us from the painful things, & to guide us in the way that will bring us & others the most joy, fulfillment, & peace.

But we still rebel.

God Also Made a Way Back for Us

And THEN, we have the audacity to shake our fists at God for sin on this earth… for not allowing entrance into heaven for those who do not accept His grace offered through Jesus Christ.

Because He offers that grace to EVERYONE, without exception.

God Makes All Things New

Paul murdered countless Christians, BUT when he surrendered his wrongs to God, God restored him & gave him a new purpose (his originally designed purpose) to encourage countless more to find hope in Christ.

David was called a man after God’s own heart when he repented of his own guilt & shame of sleeping with another man’s wife & then sending that man to the frontlines so that her pregnancy would not be found out. But God redeemed him & used his life for wonderful things, washing his slate clean.

You see, the people written about in the Bible aren’t even “good” people.

They are REDEEMED people. Redeemed through the blood sacrifice of Jesus Christ, for even them.

And for you.

He Gives Hope Despite What We Really Deserve

THAT is why we can easily call God our GOOD God, because despite the fact that the perfect life of trust & peace & joy in Him, that He intended for us to have was spit upon by Adam & Even eating that fruit… And EVEN THOUGH we make that same decision daily by bypassing His help to do it our own way… & even though we have pasts that make us cringe in the sight of God’s righteous judgment upon our sin….

God… Offers… GRACE.

HE made the way. He paid the price. He invites us back to Himself. He bridged the gap. He beckons us home.

Run to Grace

He forgives. He guides. He loves. He protects. He listens. He gives Himself as a Comforter through the Holy Spirit. He gives HIS grace to all who seek it, through Jesus’ sacrifice on our behalf.

Don’t live defending your wrongs, in the sight of God Almighty. Run to Him.

Don’t live running from His righteous judgement. Run TO Him.

Don’t be content avoiding God in fear. Run to Him.

He Gives Grace & His Grace Is FREE

He is beside you, waiting with open arms to welcome you home.

No questions asked… No lecture awaiting your return… No crossed arms or glaring gaze.

Just GRACE.

Celebratory dancing & singing, twirling around with joy, hands reached out to pull you into a loving, joyous embrace, an “I’m just so glad you’re HOME!” type GRACE.

Let Him…

Let Him love you.

Let Him shower you with His goodness.

Ask Him to show you, personally, His love & forgiveness & hope & GRACE.

It is so, SO worth it, my friend!

Always Learning, Always Growing

Even I have to constantly grow & learn new ways to submit my ways to Him, so that I can experience His presence & goodness more thoroughly in my life.

I will forever need to grow, but His grace is once & for all.

I am forgiven. I am set free. I can look forward to heaven with full assurance that the grace of God covers even me.

And it covers you as well.

Will you answer the call?

Coming Next Week

Join me next Monday morning EST for more weekly encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Nairobi Necklace

Small hammered ovals & ethically sourced bone shapes adorn this golden necklace that shimmers in the light. Crafted in Kenya.

Artisan Information:

In Kenya, where many people struggle with starvation & poverty, the women we partner with are defying the odds! Your purchase empowers these women to earn an income, overcome physical disabilities, & become important parts of their communities!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Kenya!

(*Also Pictured: Grace Earrings, made in the Philippines!*)

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

A Painful, But Beautiful Reminder

“Unless the Lord builds the house,
    those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
    the watchman stays awake in vain.
It is in vain that you rise up early
    & go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
    for He gives to His beloved sleep.”

(Psalm 127:1-2) (emphasis mine)

It’s beautiful because God’s got it all under control… It’s painful because we do not.

I Don’t Run Things, No Matter How Hard I Try

I can try to be good.

I can try to do good things.

But God is in control, not me.

If I rely on myself, I get nowhere.

Even if I seem to go somewhere, it yields little results.

Or sometimes my actions create the wrong results, causing the problem to either worsen or to be off in another wrong direction.

Letting God Be God

The watchman watches over a city in vain if God is not also watching out for it, because power comes from God, not the watchman or even the soldiers or the king.

I write my blog in vain if I don’t let God guide me.

I cannot force inspiration. If He erases ideas, I cannot will them to reappear. He has power even there.

Compared to Him…

I am so small compared to His greatness.

I am so foolish compared to His wisdom.

I can fight all day & talk all night, trying to be a light for God, but unless He works, I work in vain.

He is the source. He is love. He is power. He is grace.

Doing It My Way Didn’t Work

I spent all day writing & erasing this blog today.

Nothing seemed right.

I felt hopeless & tired exhausting every effort to make something out of nothing & I could not.

If God shuts a door, I canNOT open it.

He Allows, But He Has the Power to End It

It is true that He allows me to conjecture & speak in my limited level of human understanding, possibly getting so much wrong, or at least not completely right. He doesn’t prohibit the freedom of speech. You can see as much when people speak completely against His character, in hatred & lies & causing pain to others.

But if God shuts my mind or my mouth, I canNOT overcome Him.

He is GOD.

It’s Okay, We Know What to Do Here… Or Not?

So often, we try so hard to be “good people” or “good Christians” but so much of it is in vain because it is not submitted to the Almighty God.

We can believe we are completely right, with no doubt & with all passion & fervor… We can THINK our understanding is true with every fiber of our being.

But God doesn’t have to rely on thinking He knows… He DOES know… Everything.

Let Him Be God

Cling to Him. Even when everything swirls around you. Even when you try so hard to do a good thing, with zero results… cling to Him.

The unknown is at the base of almost every fear known to man. We like to feel like we have a good handle on things, & when we don’t feel that way, everything seems uncertain & dark & spinning out of control.

But God is a constant. He doesn’t get thrown off balance. He isn’t surprised. He isn’t caught off guard. EVER.

God Is Self-Sufficient, But He Chooses to Let Us Work Beside Him

In reality, God doesn’t need us to do anything for His work to be accomplished.

We may think, ‘I HAVE to share this because people need it!’

But God doesn’t need our help. He is sufficient. Completely sufficient.

God Almighty, Creator, Redeemer, & Friend

God created everything.

He sent Jesus to pay our debt for us, on the cross, for our wrongs against Him.

He. Is. Sufficient. In every possible way, God is sufficient.

A Sidekick to God, Who Is The True Hero

And that’s the beautiful thing about living for Him.

Even in our mistakes, inadequacies, failures, rebellion, insecurities, etc., God cannot be thwarted. God cannot be diminished. God cannot lose.

His will WILL be done.

He WILL get the glory.

Even those who lash out openly against God, thinking they know more than Him or thinking they have it all figured out… They are just providing another opportunity for God to show just how little we know in light of how vast & mighty He is!

But, He chooses to let us work beside Him. He loves us & wants us to find joy in His work by participating in it.

Not because He needs us, but because He wants us.

Change of Plans… Letting God Build

I am humbled today, as this was not my intended message for the week.

I wanted to flounce in here full of confidence & knock this out in a few hours.

But God wasn’t building with me, so I built in vain (aka wrote, erased, & re-wrote, & re-erased all day!)

He wanted me to have opportunity to stop & remember that it’s NOT about my wisdom or about people NEEDING to hear MY message.

It’s about taking His hand & walking alongside Him in HIS plan.

Unless the Lord builds it, I build in vain.

What About You?

What area of your life are you trying to fly it solo, even in the name of doing it FOR GOD?

What are you trying to do on auto-pilot or in your own wisdom or strength?

Take a minute to humbly lay that before God & ask Him to guide you in His plan over your own.

Let Him do the building. Let Him show you where He is building & ask where you can join in.

Let Him do the watching. Ask Him to look out for you & to teach you how to trust His protection & plan over your own.

He is able. He is oh so able.

God is sufficient for you, Darling One. Trust Him.

Coming Next

Check out our Monthly Special Feature post (every last Thursday of the month), THIS Thursday! See you then!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Nyla Set

As Nyla means “dark royal blue”, this necklace & bracelet set features royal blue glass beads on rose gold mixed metal chains.

Artisan Information:

The poverty cycle in India continues primarily because of the lack of education. Most schools are not free or affordable. Therefore, many children never learn to read or write & grow up with limited opportunities. However, every purchase of this product empowers women to provide for their children & send them to school! You have the opportunity to end poverty &create an impact for generations to come!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

(*Also pictured: Northern Lights Studs from India!)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The Basics

A few weeks ago, we talked about prayer & what it actually accomplishes. (Check it out here.) But today, I wanted to take it a step further to talk about one of the greatest prayers you can pray.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with prayer, prayer is simply talking to God.

There is no magic formula to pray. God hears you when you talk with Him, whether out loud or in your heart.

To start praying, simply share your heart with God. As you learn more about His promises in the Bible, you can learn to pray more effectively, because you will learn His heart & what He has promised us.

Sometimes, we just need to be reminded that, “Oh yeah, God’s Word says He will __________________.” And we can pray & ask God to fulfill that promise in that moment, putting our focus more on the power of God & His promises than of the situation we are currently facing.

Digging Deeper

Maybe one week I will go into some of the promises of God that we can claim in prayer, but for today, I wanted to focus on one specific prayer that can change your entire life (without exaggeration!)

That prayer is to ask God to teach you to know & love God more.

You see, everything stems out of our love for God.

God spends many chapters in the Bible telling us that love is the key. Loving Him with all of our heart & mind & soul & strength… And loving others as ourselves… are the two greatest commandments, according to God.

Everything else that He asks of us will flow from obeying those two greatest commands to love Him first & to love others.

Looking Around Versus Bowing Down & Looking Up

Too often, our focus is distracted by the battle we are facing. And while it is a wonderful & worthy habit to pray for victory in those daily battles, we need to learn the even greater habit of resting in the power of God moment by moment.

You see, we can expend much energy fighting our daily battles, whether it be lack of sleep, temptations, grumpy kids, hurting marriage, tough job, etc.

And we need to be giving those trials up to God, trusting in His power, grace, & peace to sustain us in the trenches of life.

But, sometimes, we need to stop, close our eyes, & rest in WHO GOD IS.

Our mind can get so overwhelmed by the pressures of the world that we sometimes forget to look up, so to speak.

Lean Into Who God Is

He is Almighty God. He is Everlasting Father. He is Prince of Peace. He is Lord of lords, King of kings. He is the First & the Last. He is Creator. He is our Savior & Redeemer. He is our Intercessor. He is GOD.

Lean into that. Lean into HIM.

While our battles exist & while praying through them is always necessary for true victory, do not neglect the moments of just kneeling at His feet(figuratively) & just bowing your heart before the Almighty God, letting HIM be GOD in your heart, mind, soul, & strength.

The More You Know…

Learn to love Him with everything you have & are.

Pray over this fervently, passionately, diligently, continually!

As you begin to know Him more, through reading & studying His Word, the Bible… & as you learn to discern His Word through a growing relationship with Him, through prayer, your love for Him will blossom.

It is inevitable.

The Greatest Love Story

The Bible is a Love Story written to us. A story of our failures, weaknesses, insecurities, fears, mistakes… And of His undying, passionate, fierce love for us no matter the circumstances, no matter our supposed worth, no matter our failures. No matter what.

He LOVES you.

Always.

Forever.

No. Matter. What.

And as His Word tells us, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

Not after we clean up our act. Not after we prove our worthiness. Notafter we pay Him back for every wrong we’ve done.

While we were still sinners….

It Was a Once & For All Kind of Deal

He died FOR us. For OUR payment. For OUR debt. HE died. FOR us.

You see, the more you study God’s Word, the more you begin see His love poured over the pages of history.

And the more you see His love, the more you tend to fall in love with Him right back.

And the more you fall in love with Him & His love for you, the more you want to know Him.

And the more you learn to know & love God, the more His love flows out of your heart & into the lives of others.

You see, I am not perfect & will never ever be (before heaven), but I am redeemed. My debt is paid for IN FULL.

I repented. I admitted God was right & I was wrong. I asked for forgiveness.

And He forgave without a moment’s hesitation.

And if you haven’t had that moment before God, He is waiting with open arms to do the same for you, Darling One.

Not Mine, But His Goodness in Me

Any good you see in me is not me, it’s Him. He trades my inadequacies for His power & love & grace.

As I learn to pour more of myself into Him, resting in His love & power & truth & grace, He takes my pride, insecurities, selfishness, & every other ugly part & He renews me for His glory.

The more I let go of, in the areas of my weaknesses, fears, & pride, the more He strengthens, renews, & redeems those areas of my life for His glory & for the good of myself & others around me.

Pray… And Don’t Stop Praying

So, pray.

Ask God to help you to know & love Him more. And don’t stop praying it. Don’t give up on that prayer & goal, because out of that flows the fountain of LIFE.

Let His love pour over you. Immerse yourself in His Word sent down to us (the Bible). And talk to Him—pray.

Don’t be content trying to serve God simply out of duty. And don’t avoid serving God because it just feels like duty.

Don’t exhaust yourself trying to be perfect for God on your own & in your own strength.

Pray & ask God to show you how to know & love Him more with each passing day.

Let Him In

Because as He shapes your heart, in love & truth, your life will begin to be an overflow from a heart focused on the grace & love & peace & power of God.

Let Him in. Let Him permeate your life in Love. Let your mind be renewed by His Truth.

And let His grace rule in your hearts & minds as you learn to live for His Kingdom & for the redemption of the world.

Live to love Him. Live to know Him.

And Shine HOPE, Lovely.

Coming Next Week

Make sure to check back next Monday morning EST for our next dose of encouragement.

Feel free to send me a message if something has spoken to your heart in a special way! I love hearing from you!!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you!<3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Sea Glass Necklace

Artisans recreate the look & feel of sea glass by upcycling glass bottles from local hotels & restaurants that would otherwise be discarded, & they then tumble that glass with water & sand from the Red Sea until it is smooth. Sizes & colors may vary.

Artisan Information:

Many Jordanian women have their lives controlled by their closest male relative. They balance many customs at home, creating a lack of independence. Some of these women are divorced, widowed, or married to a man who may already have many wives. But amid struggles, these women we work with arrive to a family-like workplace. They can be heard singing, laughing, & drinking tea while creating our unique jewelry made from upcycled glass bottles. Your purchase empowers them with boldness & financial independence for the first time!

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in Jordan!

(*Also pictured: Truth Earrings from the Philippines!)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The Long-Gone Yesterdays

I must confess that this is a recent area of struggle for me.

But it didn’t use to be that way. I used to long to share every thought with God & to receive His peace & wisdom & strength in each given moment.

It was empowering to know that where I was weak, He was infinitely strong, & I could count on Him… Always.

But here I am, thirsting from six years of dryness in my life, having unlearned the precious practice of regular prayer.

What Once Was

I must tell you, after having experienced a life lived with prayer, this new normal seems like a constant battle, a constant striving, & a constant desperation to fill the emptiness that God’s peace once filled thoroughly.

How do you unlearn that wonderful habit of praying regularly & therefore regularly benefiting from God’s many blessings in our lives, you might wonder? Blessings like joy in trials, trust & faith when the world doesn’t make sense, strength when mine lacks, peace when the storms rage, etc. etc. etc.?

How does one experience all of those magnificent things through prayer & then simply walk away from it?

I’ll tell you how it happened for me.

The Root of My Downfall

Disappointment.

That’s right. All of those blessings I once relished & I tossed them all aside because God didn’t answer my prayers the way I thought He would (or rather, should, in my opinion).

After having gone through my wilderness of lacking friendships, lacking spiritual support, lacking comfort… I gave up asking, instead of changing my prayers & trusting anyway.

Be Open, Be Honest–It’s Worth It!

You see, we should definitely feel free & open to share every concern, every need, & every desire with God, because He wants us to have that open relationship with Him… But if we really want to be at peace & realize God’s power in our lives, we also have to be willing to pray for something a little more… for God’s will to be done & for us to trust Him in that will.

Do you remember that little nugget from the “Lord’s Prayer”? “Your will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven”? (Matthew 6:10)

You see, God wants to interact with us in our lives & He wants to shower good things on us, like I mentioned earlier, but those things do not always come when we get our way, & God knows this.

His Ways Are Higher

Isaiah 55:8-9 says,

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.”

And it is so, so right!

We may think we know what we’re asking, but we have to keep in mind that God sees the big picture. He knows how all of the pieces fit together.

Connecting That to Prayer

So, when we are communicating with Him & we express our desires or longings, we need to learn to rest in that Truth—that God knows what He’s doing better than we do.

And when disappointments come, we need to come back to that fact all over again & pray that God help us rest in His plan above even our own.

But, I Didn’t

And that’s exactly what I had not been doing.

And now I am scrambling to get through each day & feeling like I am treading water some days, just trying to keep my head above water… because I got out of the habit of resting in Him when all seems lost… & even before it even gets to that point.

The JOYS I Once Experienced

Let me lay out for you a picture of what my relationship with God USED to look like, to contrast it with the scrambling I have been describing as my current prayer life.

Imagine a best friend whom you can tell anything. They always listen, even if it’s rambling. They are always patient & kind & gentle. When you mess up, they are quick to forgive. When they help you through a lesson you’ve been needing to learn, they are always so gentle & patient with you through it, never rushing your progress, but simultaneously never giving up on you (no matter how many times you miss the mark). You always feel safe & loved & wanted. He lifts the burdens of your past guilt or shame from your shoulders & gives you a lasting sense of freedom. When you feel stuck or troubled, He always has the right wisdom for just that moment. He is always there, always loving, & always strong, even when you are not.

That’s a tiny glimpse as to what a life of prayer offers you.

Seems pretty crazy that I gave that up, doesn’t it? Stupid, really.

When We Justify Our Mistakes

I guess I justified each time I refused to pray about something  because I didn’t think God would give me what I wanted, & He didn’t. And He knew better, like always. But I didn’t.

I got bitter that I felt lonely. I got bitter that I still didn’t have a baby. I got bitter that I couldn’t get a job for so long. I got bitter that Jamie worked so much. I got bitter that my efforts to encourage others seemed unwanted. I got bitter that I didn’t have “my way”.

I gave up on SO MUCH just because I was disappointed & selfish in my prayers.

And because I didn’t trust Him enough to just talk to Him about it & let Him work it out.

Lessons Sometimes Take a While to Learn

And you would think that I would have learned my lesson by this point in my life. I have had many times of disappointment that I trusted to God, & I found so much joy & peace & strength as a result!

In the past, when I had something crash & burn or I felt a prayer go unanswered, I would ask Him to guide my heart & thoughts to trust Him through it. I would let my requests be made known to Him, through prayer, but then I would leave the rest up to Him & ask for His peace to fill me as He did the leading.

But I gave that up.

God Keeps Forgiving

Sometimes I ask myself how I could be that dense. How could I KNOW the benefits of trusting it all to God, no matter what, & then just throw it all away because I didn’t get my way?

But then I remember this, I am still so full of pride & selfishness that I too often excuse away. And I am weak. I am human, & I have limitations. And yes, I could have (& should have!) trusted God anyway, but sometimes I am reminded through my failures just how amazing He is.

Have you heard the phrase, “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”?

It’s a valuable reminder for us when we go through this time of failure.

Getting Too Comfortable

I grew too comfortable in drawing my hope from Him, that I started believing that it was by my merit that He answered the ways He did, versus His simple goodness & grace in my life.

I don’t DESERVE any of His goodness or faithfulness, but He chooses to give it every single day… if only I am willing to accept it instead of throwing it aside because it doesn’t look like what I specifically asked Him for.

But the amazing thing about God is that He IS faithful. And He is forgiving & patient & ENOUGH.

Prodigal Daughter & the Welcoming Father

I am the prodigal daughter in this scenario. I asked for what I didn’t deserve in the first place, squandered my life to try to get my way, & am now dejected, lost, & alone, realizing that my way hasn’t brought me the joy I thought it would.

And as I turn back, broken & scarred… ashamed of my behavior & the mistreatment of God’s faithfulness & mercies… ready to learn all over again what I left behind….

There God is, not a scornful look on His face. Not crossed arms. Not judgment & lectures waiting to be dumped on me upon my return.

NO.

There He is. An understanding, gentle smile on His face. Arms wide open. Ready to love me & forgive me & work toward rebuilding our relationship.

Because that’s who He is.

He is a good, GOOD Father.

Lay It All Before Him… Come Back to Him

I don’t deserve any of it. Sobs rock me even as I write this, just being reminded of what I tossed aside so childishly, only to return to His welcoming grace & love, which He so undeservedly offers me.

Prayer doesn’t have to be formal & unrealistic.

God knows you better than you know yourself.

He can handle your disappointments, your anger & frustrations, your desires & mistakes.

Share those with Him.

Ask For It

Ask for His wisdom. Ask for His strength to cover you. Ask for Him to be your source of peace. Ask Him to cover your insecurities & inadequacies with His power. Ask Him to forgive your worst sins (He WILL forgive them all). Ask Him to guide your each step. Ask Him to renew your heart & mind, & to give you a fresh start. Ask Him to show you who HE created you to be, & to wash away anything about you that is more of a result of your mistakes & the lies of this world & to replace all of that with His wisdom & grace.

He is enough, Lovely. Every single time. He. Is. ENOUGH.

And prayer is a beautiful gift & privilege.

So be willing to come before Him & talk to Him like a best friend, like a loving Father, & as the King above all things in Heaven & on Earth.

He is waiting with open arms. He is waiting for you.

Amen!

Coming Next Week

Make sure to check back next Monday for my newest weekly blog post!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Unity Necklace

Empowering women out of poverty in Haiti & India!

Upcycled beads made from glass and clay from Haiti’s mountains hang on a silver plated chain.

Artisan Information:

Haiti had this century’s worst natural disaster and is home to almost 500,000 orphans. The majority of the orphans have not been orphaned by parental deaths or natural disasters, but by parents who had to give them up simply because they could not feed them. The group we work with is an “un-orphanage” and is helping with the orphan crisis by providing parents with sustainable business through creating beautiful products like this necklace.

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in Haiti!

(*Also pictured: Western Stud Trio (silver pair), empowering women in India!)

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE, Lovely!

This Month’s Special Feature Post

Once a month, on the last Thursday of each month, I will share with you my “Monthly Special Feature Post.” This month, I am sharing with you a short story that tells a tale of LOVE.

If you’re like me, you love a good love story. Well, this one has a twist. Read more to see what I mean….

************

A Love Story

She turned the heat up a smidge in her car as she glanced up at the building that would now be her place to visit every Sunday through Friday. Her job as the new church secretary started Monday, but since this was a church, she would now be attending their services, after saying goodbye to her beloved former church friends further South.

Her nerves were all scrunched up & racing everywhere at the same time as she looked back on the events that led her to this moment… this change.

It had been a crazy last eight years or so… with falling in love, to praying about marriage, to feeling that door slam in her face with unrest & fleeting peace about her desires to move forward with her relationship… to breaking his heart & crushing her own in the process.

Then, she had proceeded to breaking her friend’s heart, who had maybe fallen for her in the process of leaning on him too heavily for support through her own heartache.

It had all been a wreck, chaotic & painful. Even now, the memories felt somewhat sharp.

But she had worked to move on. She had read “When God Writes Your Love Story” by Eric & Leslie Ludy. She had been inspired, through that book, to not try to fashion a love story & to not tirelessly strive to hopefully be enough to lead a relationship to success in her own wisdom or efforts.

She had had the opportunity to be stuck in traffic for several hours with an aunt she had barely known, but who left a lasting impression of hope & wisdom & adventure that comes with trusting your singleness & your everything to God alone & letting Him fill you with the love your heart ached so badly for previously.

And even amongst her long talk with her aunt, she had held rewarding jobs, gone to & graduated from her dream college. She had trusted God through a relationship she hoped for, instead of leading it with flirtation, allowing God to take the lead, & therefore being rewarded with a friendship she could still claim today, after realizing it wasn’t God’s will for them.

These last eight years had grown her so much. She had a new perspective now. She no longer pined after the fantasy of living in a romance movie. She no longer clung to that idea as her only hope to feel worth & affection & love that she longed for so badly.

She felt more confident & secure than ever, even if she never married at all. And at a few years away from thirty, this was huge. She finally felt free to live her life for God & not rely on or strive after the love of a man ever again.

Sitting in her car, looking up at the building, she smiled & sighed a contented sigh… not one that she just happened to be feeling this morning, but a new peace that had been washed over her for several years, through the growth in her relationship of knowing God more & more… Of knowing that He really was enough to fill her heart & give her peaceful contentment in singleness. It was a gift that she treasured almost every single day.

She knew that God was the only one who saw her future. He was the only One who knew what pain or trials she would face & He was the only One who knew the right person with whom to ride it all out, even if that was just being her & God. God would take care of her. God was the only One who saw her future & He was the only One who knew what she needed for her future. He had this taken care of completely.

God knew her better than she knew herself. She could trust God, even in being “alone.”

So here she sat, glancing back up at this modest church building in Northern Virginia, on a crisp October Sunday morning—her new church & her new job. She didn’t know what the future held for her here, or what lessons she would learn, but she knew God did, & that was enough for her.

As she stepped out of her car, with purse & Bible in hand, she smiled.

Her new adventure awaits beyond those old wooden doors.

************

The church service was encouraging. The final song of the morning left her uplifted & hopeful of her time to come in this new place.

She had glanced around & noticed that the church was mainly comprised of white & gray-headed, friendly faces, as well as her longtime friend & his wife (also a longtime friend), who had recommended this job to her.

An announcement had been made about her joining the church staff & the church, in general, & friendly faces began to swarm around her with warm welcomes, hugs, & handshakes.

Then a young man.

He said something along the lines of, “We’re so happy to have you. Welcome to our church!” There was no hint of flirtation in his smile, just a genuine kindness, but her guard immediately shot up. She recognized quickly that he seemed to be the only other single young adult in the church & she did NOT want to become THAT girl to him—the only option for a date.

She plastered on a smile to cover her instant panic mode as she shifted nervously to shake his outstretched hand.

Being completely uninterested in starting any romantic relationships & not wanting to ever accidentally lead someone to believe otherwise (because she could not stand the idea of breaking someone’s heart again–or feeling that heartache herself, again), she felt it best to avoid him at all costs from here on out.

It was just safer that way.

************

After working at the church for several weeks, she left the auditorium laughing at whatever funny thing someone had just said, after church had just let out. She had a couple hours to kill before a special staff meeting began, so she decided to go plunker down in her cozy office chair to play Mahjong until then.

Striding confidently into the front office, toward her desk, she stopped abruptly upon realizing that the young man who had been so kind to her on her first Sunday was sitting in one of the chairs in her office (or really, the front office, near the parking lot).

He looked up at her & smiled politely.

A mental run-through of her options whooshed through her mind at lightning speed, Oh crap! Okay, he’s seen me, but maybe I can play it off & make an excuse for somewhere else I have to be… But crap, I can’t think of anywhere else I have to be & I just jolted to a stop in front of him, so it will be too obvious! I have to play this cool & just stride to my desk with a minimal polite nod & say a quick “hello” so I don’t give a bad impression, since I am staff here. I can do this, just go & nod & sit & look busy. Okay, go.

So, she did just that.

And he smiled back, quickly informing her that his ride was coming soon because he had carpooled to church this morning & then following with the fact that his ride had just gone to run a quick errand & would be returning soon to pick him up.

Hopefully very soon.

She smiled politely & said something lame, like, “Oh neat,” while shifting nervously in her chair, trying to look calm & really, really busy.

He didn’t take the hint, as he asked how she was doing & whether she was enjoying her new position here & whether she felt she was adjusting well.

She answered politely, but only enough to seem super busy while still remaining professional & just polite enough as she felt it necessary.

He then scooted his chair up to her desk so that they wouldn’t have to talk across the room.

Great. Just great.

She panicked a little now, nonchalantly pivoting her screen so he wouldn’t discover that her very important work was actually an unimportant game of Mahjong.

He asked about her life & what had brought her here, but only in a friendly, non-pushy or weird way. He talked about how he had just graduated from college as well & how he was back in town now, attending his parents’ church (his pending ride home) until he found somewhere with more young adults. He also told her that he felt a little alone in the church, friendship-wise, because there were so few his age (other than the married couple mentioned earlier). He had been praying about finding a new church, but felt God nudging him to stay, so he was giving it until December to decide (it was now late November).

She smiled politely, secretly wishing someone would come & break up their conversation. She really, really didn’t want him getting warmed up to her & thinking that she could be his new best friend & then potentially end up breaking his heart as well. She would NOT do that again. Her heart couldn’t handle it.

Despite her wall of determination, he said something randomly that made a burst of laughter erupt from her mouth & she struggled against the tears of laughing too hard.

Before she knew what was happening, the next ten minutes were spent suggesting to one another & then searching for funny videos on YouTube, watching them, & then erupting in laughter all over again.

Okay, he was nice, but she did not want to be friends with him. That always led to heartbreak, because her friendliness always got misinterpreted as romantic interest & confusion of feelings… & heartache almost always followed.

She needed an out for this conversation. Soon.

Her wish was granted as a car pulled into the lot. His parents. Finally.

He thanked her for the laughs, gathered his stuff, & headed out the door.

She had to admit, begrudgingly, that jollity still hung in the air a little as he left.

************

That night, as she lay sprawled across her still-made bed, browsing Facebook on her laptop, she noticed a little white notification bubble on Facebook.

It was a friend request…

From him….

… Oh no….

************

That accepted friend request (because really, how could she be supportive staff & be so heartless as to say ‘no’ to being a friend to someone who just recently expressed their need for more friendships?), but that accepted friend request inevitably led to daily chats about life & regular laughter.

His chats with her were becoming something that she would smile about when going about her day.

She purposely avoided any conversation that could be misinterpreted as flirting & even made comments to make her thoughts known about her disinterest, but it felt good to have a new friend, after recently moving back to Northern Virginia.

She was careful to indicate her intentions of avoiding any & all relationships, but in a non-assuming way (just to be sure). She wanted to be sure that he knew this was “Friend Zone City.” Only.

But the talks became regular & expected. And she couldn’t deny that she was glad for it.

… Until one momentous, heart-stopping moment.

As she logged on Facebook that night, a message indication bubble was waiting for her.

She clicked on it & regretted it the instant her eyes finished skimming the message.

He had asked her to dinner for the next evening. She panicked.

Crap! Crap crap crap crap CRAP!!!! What was happening?!? Hadn’t she been clear enough? Why was this happening to her?!? She had been careful, she had been SO, SOOO careful! She had even been close to being unnecessarily blunt about it!! Yes, they had shared prayers & laughter, but why?!?! Why was this happening?!?

After panic ebbed a tad, she started frantically praying about it, her eyes growing red & puffy with fear & panic & dread.

She decided on a solution….

She would pretend like she hadn’t read the message until Friday was already over & then she could brush it off as an “Oh, oops!” & smile & everything would be okay.

That would avoid hurting him & she could move on & hope he got the picture.

So that was the plan.

WAS the plan.

But as she was browsing Facebook, distracted & laughing at something else she had just read, another message bubble popped up.

She absentmindedly clicked on it, still chuckling.

It was him, asking a question about something or other. She answered without stopping to think about it, still caught up in the hilarity of the thing that had just brought her laughs.

Then it happened. He wrote her again…

“Oh great! You ARE online. I thought you weren’t because of the other message being unanswered. Did you get it?”

Her face flushed. The room suddenly got ten times smaller. Frustration at herself welled up inside her & threatened to overflow into an onslaught of verbally assaulting herself with accusations about having ONE job to keep herself clear of facing this exact situation, & then proceeded to HORRIBLY failing at that ONE job.

Great. Just great.

As she tried to play it off & play it cool, he wouldn’t let it go. He asked her again, right there.

“So, I had asked about dinner. Do you want to go with me to dinner tomorrow night?”

He was relentless!

Panic took over as she threw an adult temper tantrum in her room. Crying & begging God to remove this situation from her, not wanting to get in this kind of mess again. She laid there in defeat, agonizing over what to do next, to keep from hurting him… to keep from going down this road again.

This was exactly why she DIDN’T want guy friends. She did not want to break someone’s heart AGAIN.

She couldn’t handle it.

She considered quitting her job & going anywhere else.

She knew that wasn’t mature or the right answer. She kept praying.

God reminded her then of two things she had been learning & praying about over the last several years.

One, only God knew what she really needed. He saw past the surface. He saw past the present. He knew the potential that He created in each person. He saw her needs better than she knew them herself. She couldn’t judge accurately… only God could….

And two, she had promised God that because she had given up flirting or dating or anything that would lead a guy to her by her own efforts… she had also promised God that if someone had the guts to ask her out despite all of those things, she would trust that as a sign & agree to a single date with them.

And so here she was, at the brink of potentially doing the one thing she hated doing the most & had sworn that she would never risk doing again–potentially breaking a great guy’s heart by letting him feel something for her (or getting her own heart broken again, in the process).

She hoped, by one last hope, that she could deter him & that he would spare her of the fear of hurting him, so she made one last attempt at steering him away…

“So, who else is coming tomorrow?”

“Oh, just the two of us.”

Crap.

“Well, okay…. Um, I don’t have a lot of money right now, so maybe if we did something cheap….”

“Oh, well I am paying for us, so don’t worry about that.”

Double crap!

“Well, um, my planner is in the car, so I can check if I am free when I go out to get it in the morning… Hopefully I don’t forget, but I’ll try to remember.”

“That’s okay. I’ll pick you up at 7pm tomorrow.”

… … … …

“Um…. What? But I didn’t….”

“Alright, I have to head to bed. See you tomorrow night!”

And he’s gone…. And so was her chance to get out of this.

… What in the world just happened? How did that…? Why did he…? But she didn’t even….
What just happened?

She stared wide-eyed at her computer screen long after he signed off, her jaw dropped & her face flushed with shock.

What just happened…?

************

… To be continued.

Coming Next Week

***Check back on next month’s Special Feature Post (the last Thursday of each month) for Part 2 of “A Love Story.” I hope you have enjoyed it so far & I look forward to revealing the rest soon!***

Monday, I will continue with my regular posts of encouragement to you, so I will see you then!

I hope you enjoyed this month’s Special Feature Post!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Sea Glass Necklace

Empowering women out of poverty in India & the Jordan!

Artisans recreate the look & feel of sea glass by upcycling glass bottles from local hotels & restaurants that would otherwise be discarded, & tumble it with water & sand from the Red Sea, until it is smooth & resembles the beautiful pieces found in on seashores. Sizes & colors may vary.

Artisan Information:

Many Jordanian women have their lives controlled by their closest male relative. They balance many customs at home, creating a lack of independence. Some of these women are divorced, widowed, or married to a man who may already have many wives. But amid struggles, these women we work with arrive to a family-like workplace. They can be heard singing, laughing, & drinking tea while creating our unique jewelry made from upcycled glass bottles. Your purchase empowers them with confidence & financial independence for the first time!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Jordan!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE, Lovely!