A Jabbled Mind

I have a lot of stuff floating around my mind today. I have a big case of the, “I don’t wanna.”

Have you ever had days where you just can’t seem to sit down & concentrate on one thing? Because that’s totally me today.

Today has been a game of, “how long can I put off sitting down to write my blog, because I just can’t seem to sort out my thoughts & sit still for more than a few minutes at a time.”

But here I am, so that’s a start…?

Wanting to Blend In

Writing my blog these last two years has taken me on a crazy ride.

When I first started, I was afraid of not being a blend-in-able nobody.

I was basically afraid of facing the critical & harsh world of online/social media. I am most likely never going to be completely over this, I imagine, because one of my “love languages” is affirmation & while that means I flourish when others believe in me, negative responses make me want to quit.

I just pray about this & know that if/when it happens, I will just need to cling to God & step forward with His help, because this girl won’t make it far otherwise. (Good thing God is big enough for the both of us, huh?)

A Voice in the Wind

After praying over this anxiety & asking God to help me trust Him more than my fears, the blog began… & so did other, new worries.

Not too long after beginning my blog, Satan tried scaring me away from shining for Christ by making me feel like a voice in the wind.

I had such passion & excitement, mixed with diligent planning, praying, & preparations, to share my heart & point to Jesus’ hope in everything I talked about… but no one seemed to care one single bit.

It was pure crickets.

I felt alone. I felt my efforts were wasted. I felt my voice simply echoed over empty rooms.

He Is SO Worth It

But again, God is always ready to use faced trials in our obedience to follow His lead as an opportunity to teach & grow me & that, sister, is exactly what He did.

God showed me through that LONG time of silence a lesson about priorities.

Was my priority in being heard or in showing up in obedience to Jesus Christ whether I felt heard or not, shining a light of hope in Him no matter who noticed? Was my goal recognition or putting God’s glory first regardless?

Even If Just the Background Noise

It was through that wasteland of cricket responses that I learned that not everyone who notices will say so, but I should show up & point to Jesus Christ anyway.

It was through that wasteland that I learned that even if NO ONE was paying attention, silent or not, it was worth showing up for Jesus.

Even if to others I was just background noise that sang the praises of my Father God, I was willing to show up & keep being that background noise that always pointed to Him as my hope.

It wasn’t about me. It was about Him.

Growing Pains Lead to Growth

But, of course, the lessons didn’t stop there.

Next, after growing in understanding my need to turn to God in my fears & after licking my wounds of feeling invisible in my efforts & exchanging that perspective to just show up & point to Him anyway… Next came a new fear: Never feeling like I had anything important to say.

Satan keeps on coming & God keeps on using it to make my trust in God even stronger. Take that, Satan!

You can probably guess that God ALSO used this insecurity to grow me… He did. He’s always with me.

Not How Great I Am

It’s easy to look at my mistakes, my failures, my insecurities, my awkwardness (this one is a big one, y’all), my PAST, my lacking, my insufficiencies, my everything-that-is-less-than-perfect-about-me… & think to myself & to God, “God, are You kidding me? I canNOT do this! I mean, LOOK at me!? I am not worthy to be a voice for You. I am not good enough to stand up & shout Your glory. I will screw it up… completely. I am too imperfect for this. I can’t.”

But God’s voice comes as a gentle reminder over my heart, “I made you. I don’t make mistakes. You’re human & you’re limited, yes… But I am Almighty AND I love you beyond your comprehension. I will help you. I don’t need you to be perfect. I just need you to show up for Me & let Me work through it. Your flaws, My glory. Just show up. Lean into Me, let Me strengthen you, let Me lead, & just show up. The world needs more people willing to be a shining light of hope in the darkness of sin & despair. I am that hope. So, just show up & shine & let Me do the rest.”

Just SHOW UP

And so, I come each week, knowing some weeks I probably sound like a rambling baboon.

But I show up. Because He’s worth showing up for.

God’s Not Done with Me Yet…

And finally, there are days like today, that have been showing up more & more frequently & consistently lately—Not being able to sit still or concentrate & then procrastinating REAL hard as a result.

And, looking back at God’s track record above, through the struggles on my now 2-year journey with this blog (not to mention every other trial I have turned to Him with in my life), I am pretty confident that God has a plan in this struggle as well.

He’s Always with Me… & You

So, I turn to Him in it. I lay down my grief & whining & dragging of my feet. I open up honestly to Him about my cases of, “I don’t wannas.” And I ask for His help… for Him to speak to someone, anyone, even if just one person, through my chaotic mess of thoughts as I sit to write.

And hopefully that’s you. Hopefully this encourages you to take every struggle, every trial, every “I don’t wanna” to HIM & ask for His help through every one of them.

I Pray for EASY

Do I often wish & ask God to make it easier, with less struggle & trial on this blog journey? YES.

But then I would be even more tempted to stop relying on Him & start relying more on myself.

Relying on myself NEVER ends well.

So, I will forever be grateful for the trials that remind me of my GREAT weakness & His GREAT willingness to help me every step of the way.

God Is Infinite… With Infinite Love for Us

Satan may have a slew of tactics to keep us silent, make us want to quit, & distract us away from shining for Jesus… BUT, God is INFINITELY bigger AND opens His doors wide for our EVERY petition & request.

• NO request is too small. He is infinite.
• NO request is too big. He is infinite.
• NO request is too hard. He is infinite.
• NO request is too inconvenient. He is infinite.
• NO request is too silly or “inconsequential”. He is infinite.

Ask Him… No Matter WHAT Your Struggle Is… Just ASK HIM

JUST ASK HIM. Be honest & raw & real about your heart & your screw ups & your “I don’t wannas” & go ahead & ASK HIM FOR HIS HELP.

Shine Hope by taking your messes to our infinite, almighty, loving God & by asking Him for His help through every single one.

He is infinite AND He loves you, Beautiful.

(Done writing with 3 hours left before my deadline… not including the need to do editing, graphics, & my Join My Tribe emails… Boy, I cannot WAIT until the time change hits again, because then it will give me an extra hour I can procrastinate each week, haha. (We don’t have daylight savings time in Japan.) But maybe I should pray through that, too.) 😉

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Radiant Necklace Set

On-trend set of 3 layered necklaces (only 1 shown) that can be worn together or separately, featuring a labradorite stone, hammered discs, and a blue topaz crystal drop.

Artisan Information:

In India, poverty is rampant & fair working conditions are hard to find. Every purchase provides women with income, access to healthcare, education for their children, & care for elderly family members. Many of these artisans have been exploited by sweatshops in the past but are now receiving fair wages as artisans in safe & caring fair-trade workshops.

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Hesitantly Agreed

I have been praying about what I should talk about today, asking God to give me something I should share. This was the topic that kept coming back to mind.

When I first considered agreeing to this topic, I felt like, “God, no. Something else please. This isn’t something I’m very good at.”

Then I felt a gentle whisper over my heart, “Your blog shouldn’t be about sharing what YOU’RE good at, but rather what I’M good at, even when you’re not.”

*Sigh*

Fellow Traveler in Need of God

So, again, I come to you not as some kind of expert on the topic, but as a fellow traveler on this journey called “life” to hopefully encourage BOTH of us to look to where our only true hope comes from—Almighty GOD, through Jesus’ loving sacrifice for us & the Holy Spirit’s comfort, wisdom, guidance, & help.

Living Hard Things with Grace

Living through hard things, with grace. What a difficult thing to consider.

I don’t think any of us enter a hard life circumstance thinking we will struggle quite as much as we will, but hard things are hard & I know I am often surprised by how quickly I want to scream, “Uncle!” & give up.

I can’t even handle small stresses very well, ha.

Setting the Stage

For example, I had been waiting on a package, knowing the sender had accidentally put the wrong box number & having visited the post office several times to try to make sure it was sorted out, being informed each time not to worry because it “will self-correct & everything will be just fine.”

But, knowing intent or even good training cannot prevent mistakes in a monotonous job, I wanted to make sure everyone was on the same page & aware, doing my part as best I could without erring on the side of nagging.

Well, all of the reassurance was for nothing because guess what, the package was automatically & immediately returned upon arrival.

Caving in under the Pressure

I was incredulous & was quite ready to slam my hand on the desk & unleash some verbal wrath upon the employees, in a “Are you kidding me? After ALL that reassurance & all my trips here just to make sure & NONE of it made any difference? Are you serious right now?!?”

But I had to take a *very* deep breath, do my best at a gracious reply, & walk out before I lost my resolve.

I then spent the whole drive home (& about 20 minutes in our driveway) rehashing my trouble, concern, efforts, & the inevitable mistake of returning my package anyway, complaining & whining in my head. I basically threw an adult temper tantrum in my car.

Humanity (Including Me) Has Many Weaknesses, but God Offers His Infinite Strength

And when I got tired of my wrath, I took a deep breath, realized how bad & unforgiving my attitude was for something that really wasn’t that big of deal in the big story of life, & I immediately felt some stubborn remorse nagging at my heart, reminding me how NOT well I had handled that situation.

Did I have a right to be frustrated & upset? Yes. Did I have a right to treat them like trash (even if just in my thoughts) because of it? Nope.

I was being self-focused, & I had turned righteous anger into bitterness & a hateful, unforgiving attitude of sin.

Finally Turning it over to God

*sigh* I told you I wasn’t good at this. I can’t even handle someone messing up my MAIL.

So, I hung my head low & cried again, this time for my bad attitude & frustration that I had let take over my afternoon instead of giving it to God.

And I finally gave it to Him.

My Prayer Sounded Something Like This:

“God, I’m sorry. I am so frustrated right now because I was really looking forward to that & now I have to wait for it to return & re-ship & after all my efforts to prevent this & it was all wasted. I just feel so defeated & disappointed & angry. Why couldn’t it have just worked out? I tried! I tried to help fix it. Why did I get my hopes up so high? But I shouldn’t have let my anger take over me like that. I’m sorry for how I reacted in my heart. I shouldn’t have had such a sour & terrible attitude toward them. It was a mistake. It’s a new system & they’re trying to work out the kinks & everyone makes mistakes. Please forgive me for getting so hurtful & angry over something that’s so small overall. Help grow me in it & teach me gratefulness & to trust in You through the messes in life. I don’t like when things don’t work out, but even in them, You have a beautiful plan I can’t always see. Even in holding & comforting me through it, letting me know of Your love on a deeper level through my hurts. Thank You for those moments of the gentle reminders of Your love & care for me & all of us. Help me to forgive. Help me to realize I am often just as in need of Your great grace as anyone else & to thus give grace to others much more willingly & quickly. Help me trust You more than my circumstances working out ideally—especially in this covid world we live in right now. Nothing is normal anymore & it’s hard. It’s an adjustment with hidden culture shocks that pop up unexpectedly because so much of life is no longer normal. Help me to cling to You & trust You & listen to You in humble trusting love. Thank You for hearing me gripe & complain & for Your endless, wonderful graciousness. Thank You for helping me have better, more loving perspective & continue to grow me in that way, having grace in living the hard things. Thank You & AMEN.”

Failing TOWARD Grace

Life & sharing isn’t about always getting it right or always knowing how to handle every situation.

Life’s messy & hard & we’re not meant to be good at any of it on our own. We’re meant to need Jesus’ grace. We’re meant to need Almighty God’s power. We’re meant to need the guidance & comfort & wisdom & strength of the Holy Spirit.

We’re meant to need Him.

We’re Meant to Need Him

So, whatever part of your life feels messy or hard or makes you want to yell & cry in your car for 30 minutes, call out to God. Pour out all your heartache to Him & ask for His help. He’s listening & waiting to help because He loves us that much.

Shine Hope by admitting your need for Him & calling out to Him through every struggle & trial of life.

He’s got you.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Turning Leaf Set

This silver finish hammered metal necklace with matching earrings was inspired by the beautiful shapes of leaves. (And also resembles dragonfly wings!)

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Although I Try…

One of the hardest parts of life, for me, is being aware of my own humanity.

It’s hard to know that I have limits & that I can’t do whatever I want whenever I want however I want.

It’s hard to know I mess up, make mistakes, & don’t always get it right when I am convinced I can handle it.

It’s hard to feel like quitting when you feel the pressure to be so much more than you are.

It’s just hard being human sometimes.

But, I Thought You Had a Handle on All This Because You Run a Blog? Nope

I know that some of you may have been following my blog for the one & a half years I have been doing it & maybe feel that I am such a “stronger Christian” than you are.

I can tell you right now that that is a big NOPE.

I am no stronger or better than anyone else reading this, but I serve a STRONG God who offers His help when we seek Him for it.

I am human. I drop the ball. I have doubts led by my desire to do things my way instead of God’s way. (I think becoming a “strong Christian” only comes when we realize how weak we really are & how much we actually need Him.)

It is ONLY by leaning into God for help in my MANY weak days/moments that I am able to accomplish ANYTHING of any worth. Otherwise, I would toss it all away for a cream soda & some tv show binge-watching or PS4 gaming on the couch.

My Flesh Is Weak… Can You Relate?

I also have a bent toward rebellion, like is so common for many of us, isn’t it?

Fighting my flesh is one of my least favorite parts about my humanity.

As Jesus put it to His disciples, right before He was taken to die on the cross for our sins, “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41)

Isn’t that the truth?

Rebellion Vs. Submission… A Trust Issue

My heart longs to go all in & trust God with every fiber of my being, knowing He loves me more than everyone I know combined (& then a whole lot more!) & yet sometimes, in the quiet moments, I find myself bent toward indignation & obstinance.

Submitting is hard. Trusting is hard. I want my way.

I don’t want to have to trust Anyone else. I don’t want to have to listen to anyone else or do what anyone else tells me to do.

I want to do things MY way, however flawed that way may be… regardless of the fact that it may hurt myself or others (because that is precisely what sin does—it causes harm to self & others).

Taking Every Thought Captive… Not Letting Stray Thoughts Rule Your Heart

I am prone to pride & selfishness… Self-protection.

I have to sometimes constantly do exactly what the Bible tells us when it says, “We demolish arguments & every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, & we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ,”(2 Corinthians 10:5) because I know deep down that He really does know far better than me & that every single time I have gone out in trusting Him, it has proved to be absolutely worth it every single time.

And yet I still resist sometimes.

We Are Freed from the Consequences of Sin, But Not the Temptation of It

Becoming a Christian doesn’t mean we will no longer struggle against our humanity, it means we are saved from being a slave to it. It means we are freed from the consequences of it.

I heard it said best, by author Courtney Doctor, when she said something like, “before we become Christian, we are not able to not sin, but once we let Christ take our sin on Himself by trusting in Him for our salvation, we are now able to not sin.”

In other words, I now have God’s help in not submitting to the temptations that fight for my attention. Will I always turn to Him for that help? Unlikely. I will make mistakes… But God is willing to help me when I ask Him for it.

The Hope in Our Humanity

That is the hope in all of this… in our humanity & the war raging for our attention… when we have submitted ourselves to Him as our Redeemer & when we lean into Him for help, “taking every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ,” He helps us overcome.

Praying for “Backup”

Will we resist in pride sometimes, yes. But this is what I pray in those moments:

“God, I don’t want to listen to You right now. I want to do this my way. I know you are nudging a warning in my mind that this is the wrong path, but it’s MY path & I want to take it. Please help me fight the war in my heart right now. I am too weak to fight back because I feel like I want it so badly. Please help me! Help me want Your way. Help me to see that You are King & Almighty God & my Creator & Redeemer & ONLY You know what is truly best. Help me to trust You. I want Your way because I know it is best but I am feeling so stubborn right now & I don’t want to care about what is best, only what I want. Please help me change my heart to follow You only. Amen.”

God Offers His Help to Overcome

Don’t let Satan convince you that because you feel stubborn or because you mess up that God doesn’t love you… FAR FROM IT!! And don’t let him convince you that it’s all up to you & self-willpower, because it isn’t.

Instead, tell Satan to “talk to the hand” (as once was actually cool to say), & then turn to prayer for God’s grace, forgiveness, & help. God will never neglect to offer you all of those things.

It’s okay to be human… it’s what you were created to be. You were created to need God’s help. You weren’t created to be God… God already has that role covered better than we could ever hope to pull off.

So, submit to Him in your humanity & ask for His help, His wisdom, His courage, His peace, & His strength.

You already have full access to His love, His mercy, His grace, & His care.

1 Peter 5:7 says it right here: “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”

Shine HOPE by accepting His help through your own humanity, because He cares for you.

((*And yes, I forgot completely about our Special Feature Post this month the day after Christmas! Oops. Further proof that I am imperfect. I hope you can forgive me as we get back on track after the holidays!))

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Wisdom Necklace

Intricately handcrafted petals carved from ethically collected bone set in golden frames.

Artisan Information:

In India, poverty is rampant & fair working conditions are hard to find. But with every purchase, women are receiving an income, access to healthcare, adult literacy programs, & self-help groups! Not only does this change their lives, but they are also pouring back into their communities & helping others! You have the opportunity to empower thousands of women in India!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Blinders

We often go through life never questioning what we see & do every day, not even aware that there could be any other way… because it’s simply what we’ve always “known” to be true….

But God tells us NOT to trust what we see, but instead to trust HIM & His Truth (the Bible)—& that’s what my recent pivotal moments series was all about—seeing that God knows more than I do, corresponding with major perspective shifts of trusting His way over my own.

“Blessed Are the Poor in Spirit”

For example, the Bible says, in Matthew 5 “Blessed are the poor in spirit.” NOT “blessed are those who beat up on themselves inwardly, are shy, self-deprecating….” But rather, “Blessed are those who recognize their own depravity, that there is absolutely NOTHING they can do to earn their own redemption, but that Jesus Christ Himself paid their debt FOR them (IN FULL) & now all they have to do is lean into HIM for hope, versus STRAINING & FAKING to try to be good enough on their own, ever failing at those efforts, because Christ already paid IN FULL!”

It seems impossible to feel blessed in recognizing our own depravity & owning up to it… but in it comes so much richness of freedom when we replace our tireless efforts with God’s heroic rescue & love for our souls, giving healing, peace, strength, renewal, a fresh start, & eternal redemption in exchange for us placing our hope in Him.

I’ve Got This!

My whole life, I wanted (& still often want) to feel capable & assured in & of myself. I mean, who doesn’t?

It feels safe & comfortable & “reliable” to feel like our security, peace, & hope can be produced by us, rather than taking the risk of relying on others for it.

We always hear slogans centered on the idea that we can make our dream a reality, that it’s up to us…. That we are “good enough”.

But somehow, those ideas, reassuringly soothing as they may sound on the surface, always seem to fall short when brought into reality.

Why? Because we all know, deep down, that we will fail even ourselves.

We know we are NOT enough.

And there is freedom & blessedness in coming to that realization… when we also realize that God IS enough FOR us.

God As Our Hope

We don’t have to produce our own hope. God is our hope, through Christ.

We have all been let down. We have all experienced the mistakes & failures of others (as well as the let downs of our own failures & mistakes).

A lot of trauma can come from someone else’s “good intentions” when those good intentions went wrong because they were based on human understanding/logic versus yielding in submission to the guidance of the Holy Spirit, through prayer.

It’s just life. It’s just us doing the best we know.

But blessedness comes in knowing that God is in control, not us & not anyone else… & even more so in recognizing that we cannot save ourselves, but He can.

Not a Jab at You, But a RELIEF

Submitting to that Truth brings such relief. It takes the pressure off of our own shoulders to always be enough for ourselves & for everyone else (including God), & allows us the breathing space to accept that we were never meant to be enough… that God is already enough FOR US & that’s the very reason that the hope found in Jesus is so liberating!

Keep Reminding Yourself

Take a deep breath, Lovely, & let it out slowly.

Do it again. Take a deep breath… & let it out slowly.

Close your eyes & tell yourself, “I don’t have to be “enough” because God is enough FOR ME. He paid my debt to set me free. He offers HIS comfort, HIS strength, HIS power, HIS wisdom, HIS guidance, HIS HOPE. I don’t have to be enough. He is enough already & always will be.”

Release yourself from the lies we grew up believing & trust God as your path to hope, through Christ’s sacrifice for you.

Magnify the Magnificent with Your Life

Should we strive to live in a way that magnifies His name & demonstrates His love for this hurting world? Yes. Does it secure our salvation or earn us God’s love? No. We already have that if we have put our trust in Jesus.

So, find blessedness in your depravity today & every day.

You’re Right… I’m Not Enough… But God Is, & That’s Why I Need Him

And when Satan tries to tell you, “Give up! You’re never good enough! You always fail everybody! You are not enough!”

Well then, sister, you stand up tall, square your shoulders & you remind him & yourself, by saying, “You’re right. I am not enough. I am frail & I mess up often, but you know what… I was never meant to be enough. That is why I need Jesus’ sacrifice, God’s grace, & the help of the Holy Spirit. He is enough FOR ME. So, you’re right, Satan, I am not enough… but that’s okay because Jesus is!”

I heard that scenario on the radio one day as someone retold this realization & turning point in their life from letting Satan beat him up in his failures to claiming Jesus’ victory & it always stuck with me.

“You’re right, Satan. I’m not enough. But Jesus is, & that is the exact reason why I need Him.”

And He is enough for you, too.

Accept Your Depravity… Knowing Your Hope Is in Jesus

So, cling to Him. Accept your depravity. Don’t beat yourself up because you were never meant to be enough.

And, above all, trust in the enoughness of God Almighty, Jesus our Redeemer, & the wisdom, comfort, strength, & guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Learn to rely on yourself less & on Him more & more every day.

Because that, Lovely, is where you find your blessedness.

Shine Hope In Him.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Chelsie Necklace

This curved bar necklace features gold & rose gold tones. Hanging from a gold colored chain, this piece was named after one of our co-founders because of her golden & modern style, along with her passion for using sustainable business to end poverty.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Closing a Series, But God Is Always At Work

Well, this is it, the final week of our Pivot moments for this series.

I am sure God will continue to flip my world upside down to exchange the lies I have come to believe for His truth, but for the sake of this series of pivotal moments, this is the last… for now.

God Is Working a Masterpiece

Today, it will get dark again, before the light shines through the clouds, revealing a marvelous plan that God had all along, but that I just then began to realize was there.

That’s how it always works with God.

We tend to fret & stress & worry & fear, as if God doesn’t already have a plan to fit all of the pieces together, making a breath-taking masterpiece out of the messy “colors” we saw as chaos.

AND, He doesn’t leave it at that… He offers us comfort & peace & strength to endure the hardships that lead up to that marvelous reveal, as we lean into Him for it.

And that is how He worked as He led me through my struggles in both Guam AND Hokkaido.

God Was Working a Plan I Didn’t See

God was working a plan to show Himself to me in a way that I needed to see.

He needed me to learn that my gifting was simply His way of working through my life & had little to do with how much I may or may not have deserved it.

The Ugly Pride

First, I feel it important to let you in on the fact that I struggled (& still do struggle) with pride because of my gifting from God.

Because certain things oftentimes seem so obvious & easy to me, to see deeper insight into a situation to know God’s truth & how it needs to be applied or how someone is avoiding God’s truth in a certain area… I began to believe that it must be that I care more about God & truth than others.

I know, I know… it sounds arrogant just reading that.

But although I didn’t think of it as pride, but more that I felt alone in wanting to serve the truth, it just wasn’t true that my gifting was equal to my personal deserving of it.

An Undeserved Gift

My gifting was simply what it sounds like… a gift… from God. Did it make me more perceptive than some others? Perhaps. But I still had weaknesses where others had great strengths.

This particular area just happened to be MY strength, leaving me to need help from others with DIFFERENT strengths… the whole “body of Christ”/”body of the Church” idea. All of our strengths (“giftings”) WORK TOGETHER & are GIFTS from God—not earned or deserved.

Obviously, the more obedient & trusting we are to God, the more He will choose to work in & through our gifting, but the gifting itself is… just a GIFT.

All that to say, I obviously needed both a lesson in humility & a lesson in it being from HIM & not me.

Walking through the Valley

And to accomplish this pivot in my life, God chose to allow me to walk through hardship… namely, loneliness in Guam & a life of strain, where I had very little control, living in Japan, in an area with VERY LITTLE English.

Living in those two places brought me to a place of feeling like very little that I accomplished had anything to do with what I had earned or deserved.

I was mainly just trying to get through to the next day, only sometimes remembering to pray for the strength & peace & wisdom & guidance to navigate each day & instead, relying on television show marathons & food to get me through it.

And it got worse.

Starting to Have “The Talk”-About Depression & Potential Cries for Help

Near the end of those six years, I had to start having a lot of conversations with Jamie about my history with depression & that if it got bad enough, slipping by unnoticed until it consumed me, & if I admitted that to him & asked for help, that he needed to get me emergency help.

Luckily, it never reached emergency status, but I guess in a way it did.

Over time, in Hokkaido, the mental strain & stress of never understanding (pretty much anything) of the world around me began to take a serious toll on my mind.

I began having emotional breakdowns over the smallest things.

I felt BROKEN, like a person who couldn’t function like a normal human being.

Paper-Thin Patience

To better express the strain… if I dropped an item once, even a small, slip-through-my-fingers drop… it required a deep breath of resolve to just pick it back up…. But a second drop? The item would get picked up with lightning speed & chucked at the nearest wall.

Patience was worn thin every moment. I had zero patience.

I crumbled at the slightest aggravation or inconvenience.

I cried or screamed or cursed so loud that I didn’t care if the whole world heard.

And I felt broken.

Broken

I understood this wasn’t normal. I understood that the average human being can manage to pick something up that had dropped just twice without feeling hatred explode out of her.

But I couldn’t stop it. I felt like something in me had short-circuited & I could no longer filter frustrations through logic & calm reserve to try again.

I just immediately would snap, without even considering it first or thinking it through.

It scared me how little control I had over my own brain & how it reacted to even minor difficulties.

And yet, through all of that, I felt God’s hand on me… as if He was reassuring me that He wouldn’t let go… that He had me still.

God Wasn’t Answering MY Way, So I Felt Forgotten

But I eventually stopped praying.

I felt deserted by God because the pain only got worse & the control over my own emotions melted slowly away.

I was trapped in a mental typhoon that swirled everything together & knocked all sense out of my life.

I was exhausted & frustrated. I felt broken & no longer whole or “normal” & I saw ZERO way to repair or fix it.

Every attempt seemed to laugh at me.

My prayers went “unanswered.”

Bitterness grew into an angry, snarling, jaded voice that screamed for relief at every corner.

Streaming Curse Words

I saw God walking beside me, in a sense, feeling Him there… but He wasn’t making all the pain stop. He wasn’t repairing my mind. He wasn’t calming the storm raging inside me.

So, I cried. A LOT.

My second (inner) language became strung-together curse words, screamed inside my mind.

I couldn’t turn off the rage that was starting to consume me, like a rage monster tearing away at me from the inside, bellowing its fierceness from within me.

Professional Help, Please!

As I finally confessed this inner battle to Jamie, upon our decision-making to stay in Hokkaido or move on, I told him the truth, “Jamie, I am really struggling. Either I need a professional counselor, or we need to leave to go somewhere less stressful on my brain. I need help.”

So, we moved to Misawa, Japan, near an American military base & the stress began to recede.

Even With My NOTHING

God showed me that even WHILE I was feeling broken & unfixable, bitter instead of trusting, & barely surviving through my mental typhoon each day, that He STILL chose to work through my life to bless others through my gifting.

In other words, EVEN WHEN I did NOTHING to earn or deserve anything, He still allowed me to be a blessing to others through HIS gifting.

Ex Nihilo

I used to think that it was up to us to bring the best of what we have & to be the best at everything ALL THE TIME & be everyone’s EVERYTHING, & ONLY THEN can God do miraculous, wonderful things in & through our lives.

BUT… in my failing… in my brokenness… in my falling apart… when I felt I had nothing to offer Him… HE STILL DID Mighty things, through ME!!

Like He showed us through Creation… God can do AMAZING things EX NIHILO (“From Nothing”).

Not Us, But HIM, THROUGH US

My gifting & my ability to bless others how He chooses to work through me, is not because I have proven any better than other people… but because He is a Mighty & Awesome & LOVING God who does great things despite my unworthiness, because He loves us so incredibly much.

He can take our NOTHING & make it a MASTERPIECE.

His Grace IS Sufficient

Even if our “leaning into Him” is as a paralytic who cannot even hold themselves up, HE HOLDS US UP in His strength, His mercy, His love, His power, His goodness, His forgiveness, His saving, HIS GRACE.

If you recognize a gifting God has given you when you chose to put your faith in Jesus as the Master & Redeemer of your life, learn from my mistakes… bow them at His feet & thank Him for blessing you with a way to bless others, through HIS GIFTING.

And then lean into Him to best use that gift to honor Him & to bring Him glory, by making Him famous wherever you go, loving others to Jesus, through truth & faith in Him. He will help you as you lean into Him.

Shine HOPE, by giving Him the little you have & letting Him multiply it, even if it feels as if you have little to nothing to offer Him… by LEANING INTO HIM.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement!

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Iris Earrings

Iridescent pink crystal beads sway on these golden teardrop hoops.

Artisan Information:

In Peru, rural citizens have been affected by extreme poverty & guerrilla warfare. Women are affected the worst as their husbands generally leave them in search of work. Many are unable to get the basic needs of food, shelter, & clothing. But with every purchase of this product, women are finding hope & an income by hand-making this beautiful product. Because of you, these family businesses are now empowering the next generation!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Peru!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Almost the End to a New Beginning

Well, we are one “Pivot” moment away from finishing this series! That’s so hard to believe after these (including this one) 14 “Pivots” that we have walked through together.

A Different Sort of Autobiography

It has always been a dream of mine to write an “autobiography”, not of what amazing things I have accomplished or done, but what God has worked in my life that I never saw as possible from my human perspective.

Being given the opportunity to share all of these moments with you has been a pleasure, especially the reminders, even for myself, of all that God has done & is capable of doing in our lives as we lean into Him.

Maybe someday I will better edit all of these “Pivot” stories into that autobiography of sorts. I guess we will see where God leads!

Trouble in Paradise

But, for today, we are talking about a touchy (& freeing) topic.

It’s touchy because a lot of hurt often surrounds this topic, but it’s freeing knowing the right perspective of leaning into God above all else, whether things work out or not.

“Trouble in Paradise”, as I have titled it, is a story of God doing what I felt was the impossible… bridging the gap in marital (or relational) trouble.

In It Together

You see, after God had led every step of our dating relationship as we leaned into Him consistently for direction & answers (read more, here), we felt like our bond was unbreakable.

We were bound together by trust in Him & a friendship built on Him.

Nothing could shake us.

We had aired all of our “dirty laundry” by sharing our deepest shames & hurts & mistakes… but we were forgiven.

We had shared all of our quirks… but we were accepted.

We had faced hurt & struggle… but had prayed through it all… together.

After the “Happily Ever After”

But then we moved to Guam… 3 months after we were married.

And things weren’t as great anymore.

We started out strong, but between the stress of adjustment to life on the other side of the globe & Jamie working 12 hour shifts several days a week (& usually taking on extra shifts for co-workers), let’s just say that it began to take its toll on us.

I felt neglected. He felt over-worked & stretched thin.

I felt bored & restless. He felt exhausted & ready to crash.

I felt alone & in need of company. He felt over-stimulated & in need of alone time.

We felt placed on opposite ends of every spectrum, unable to bridge the divides that seemed to be getting wider every month.

Beginning to Feel the Strain… Pull Us Apart

Fights became easier. Disagreements & misunderstandings were more common. Emotions were high & needs were left unmet on both sides.

We were strained & frustrated & tired.

My needs became a burden on us both—not because he didn’t think they or I were important, but because after work, he had nothing left to give.

Personal Perceptions Are Often Deceptive

But I felt like he must think me & my needs unimportant because they were SO important to me & yet he still didn’t meet them.

And he felt like I was putting too much pressure on him because he was already exhausted from work every day.

We were disconnected & hurt.

We argued & fought & stormed off & shut doors more forcefully than necessary.

We hurt.

I found myself often crying alone, curled up on the floor of our bathroom, with the lights out.

What I Wanted

I had heard that marriage was hard, but I felt like I had lost my very best friend, just by getting married to him.

I wanted to leave him & go back to America & be with my family & friends.

I wanted the hurt to stop.

I was learning very clearly in that time the truth that our spouse is not meant to fulfill our needs.

Only God can do that.

It’s Not Like the Movies… But It’s So Much Better

But culture sings a different tune, one where our spouse, who probably wishes they actually could, can fulfill all of your dreams & make you the happiest person imaginable.

And we probably still want to do that, but realistically, we don’t have the power to do that.

We have our own fears, hurts, insecurities, weaknesses, trauma, shortcomings, failures, etc. & when you join two imperfect people, you’re obviously going to have an imperfect marriage.

So Much Freedom in Removing That Expectation!

And oh the burden we are freed from when we realize that being our spouse’s EVERYTHING is not our purpose or even in our ability.

And oh the freedom it GIVES our spouse to release them from that supposed expectation.

Then, How?

So how did we do it? How are we good friends & happily married after the battle wounds we received in that painful couple years?

Prayer.

That’s right… prayer.

But, I Didn’t Start There

But, like I said, I first resorted to balling up in figurative tears (Fun Fact: I can’t cry actual tears) & wanting to quit it all & run from the hurt.

I resorted to wanting to bail & start over at home with my family. I wanted to give up because I felt so unloved.

But Jamie still loved me terribly, & through the deep ache, I loved him just as much… so why weren’t we able to express that to each other?

My Ache Turned Into My Prayer

At the end of one of our arguments, I was laying in bed, with my back turned to Jamie… silently sobbing into the edge of my pillow, begging God for help & pouring out my heart to Him like I had done countless times before on the floor of our bathroom.

“God, why is this happening! Why do I feel like Jamie & I are so far apart?! How did we get here!? I miss him so much & I HATE that we’re always at odds with each other… but I feel like no matter what, we’re never on the same page… like he doesn’t ever care about me! I feel so alone & betrayed. I thought he loved me but he gets mad or frustrated when I even want to spend time with him & he just plays video games alone in his spare time, with his headphones on, like I am just a home accessory!! He used to make me feel like his whole world & now he barely even talks to me. I hate my life here. I hate what this job has taken from me… from us. I want him back but that seems impossible now. Too many things we can’t take back & too many misunderstandings & disagreements. I don’t even feel like I know him anymore… Like I have been tricked. Did he never really love me? How can he act so callously toward me? Help us. Show us the way back to each other. PLEASE. Help us. Help me. I don’t know how to get back to him anymore & I miss him so much. Please show me what to do.”

God’s Response… God’s Solution… Trust HIM

… “Ask him to pray with you.”

That was the simple thought the washed over my mind like a gentle breeze.

“Ask him to pray with you.”

But I didn’t want to.

Did Jamie even care? Did he even want us back? If he cared, he would have tried already. (So many insecurities rushed over my heart.)

“Ask Him to pray with you.”

FINE. But I don’t want to.

And When I Obeyed God’s Guiding, God Healed

“Jamie, we should pray.”

“Ok.”

And so he prayed a prayer that shocked & shook me & expressed all the love for me that I was afraid wasn’t there.

To paraphrase his prayer:

“God, I don’t know what to do. We can’t seem to get along. I love Michelle, but I am too tired. I am stretched thin at work & I just don’t have the energy to be what she needs me to be. It hurts that I don’t feel like I can help her & it’s frustrating. Help me know what to do. Please help her hurt. Amen.”

And then I prayed my hurt out loud, too.

And we both cried & we hugged each other & just clung on.

God Knew How

It ended up that we genuinely both wanted a solution but neither of us new how to make it happen, were doing the best we knew how, & had different expectations on what that should look like.

And when we started both turning to God, instead of ourselves or each other, as the solution, God started to shape us & guide us along a path to help us both care for each other.

We became more understanding of each other’s needs, while not trying to meet them in our own wisdom or understanding, but by God’s.

We began letting go of the expectations we had placed on the other person to meet our needs & started leaning into God instead.

And we began to heal.

Start Looking to God for the Answers

God was the glue that took our efforts & our understanding & all of our other limitations & acted as our bridge to cover the great divide for us.

We stopped looking inward to fulfill each other.

We stopped looking to each other to fulfill ourselves.

And we started looking to God, together.

He is our glue. He is our bridge. He is our wisdom & solution. He is our strength.

A Work in Progress, Led by Grace

Do we still have disagreements & misunderstandings & occasional bad attitudes that we really shouldn’t be taking out on each other but it’s far too easy to do? Yes.

But we know the way back now. PRAYER. Leaning into GOD.

And we’re learning to turn to God BEFORE it gets bad, knowing we will reach the end of our limitations far sooner.

We’re human & we mess up. We are learning, but we don’t always get it right.

But God is the solution to that, too… because He will never stop working on our hearts. He is always ready to give grace as we grow toward Him.

He is a Good, Good Father.

Shine Hope, by letting God be your glue… & your bridge… to healing.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Restoring Hope Necklace

This versatile necklace features mother of pearl in hues of black on one side & off-white on the other, hanging from an antiqued brass chain.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The Complexities of Wanting Love

“Love”, oh what a wonderful topic to think about….

Or maybe it just seems elusive to you, a wish you wish for, but you feel is an impossible reality.

Or maybe yet, you have been hurt by love & either fear it or just feel jaded by it.

Well, all of the above describe how I once felt about LOVE.

Cue the Meet Cute

And then, I met someone who helped me open my heart to all of the beauty & joy & adventure of love… & no, I’m not talking about my husband (I didn’t know him yet).

And no, I am also not talking about God.

I am talking about a guy I met soon after high school.

This is not a typical love story though, because while I felt I had met the boy of my dreams, we never had a happily ever after.

Afraid of Love

I grew up with an unhealthy fear of long-term relationships.

I assumed they all fail… that one side would inevitably lose interest or feel trapped in the relationship… that some fights or disagreements would end up being unsolvable… that rifts form & that lusting after others through porn, flirtation, or adultery would always happen eventually.

I assumed I was too difficult to be loved… not pretty enough…  too emotional… too much of a mess… too insecure… too much of a talker… too unlovable… & that eventually, any guy who married me would figure that all out & want out.

In other words, I assumed it was only a matter of time before my heart was crushed, if I gave my heart to love someone.

Because of this, I was afraid to love. I was afraid to get attached.

I prayed over relationships, wanting so badly for love to be a possible reality for me.

Oh, What a Feeling!

And then I met him… a guy who opened my heart.

I felt so in love. I cherished every long phone conversation & was elated at every chance to spend even a few moments with him.

I shared my heart, my deepest fears & hurts… & he did the same.

He was kind & caring & took care of me. He was a wonderful friend.

I wanted so badly to love him forever & to finally break free of the fear. I wanted to marry him.

I wanted to believe he could really love me forever.

And I am sure he would have.

I trusted him & cared for him more than I ever believed I could care about someone.

But I broke his heart.

I Thought I Knew

I was ready to go all in… to trust him with my heart & to start talking about marriage.

I was ready to follow him anywhere & leave my fears behind.

I was ready to beat the odds with the man I loved so much.

I wanted to marry him more than I had ever wanted anything.

But I broke his heart.

I kept praying about our relationship.

“God, please let me marry him! I love him so much! I trust him & care about him, even at his worst. He is so kind & so good to me. I can tell him anything & know that he cares for me. Please let me feel peace to push through the fear & marry him. I want to spend my life with him. He means so much to me. Please, please, please!”

But every time I sought God’s peace & blessing to spend my life with this wonderful friend, I felt a brick wall.

“Just Keep Praying,” I Thought… “Maybe God Will Change His Mind”

I couldn’t move past the feeling of unrest, an obvious, unsettled lack of peace in my heart.

So, I kept praying through the weeks & months we were together, unwilling to let go of the man I loved so much based on a current lack of peace.

I assumed the peace would come eventually, if I just held on & kept praying.

But it never came.

The dread started seeping in, as I realized that I didn’t feel God was ever going to be giving His blessing–His blessing, based on His omniscient, all-wise, over-all perspective.

But, God.…! Pleeeaase!

I hurt so many nights after a day well spend with the man I loved so much. I grieved the potential break up I felt God was edging me toward.

I felt as if God was gently trying to pry my fingers off of what I was clinging to so tightly… my desire to spend my life with the man I loved.

And I didn’t want to let Him.

I wanted to beg Him to change His mind.

I didn’t understand why God would let me love someone so much & not let me be with him. It felt so unfair.

No Matter the Reason, Yet I Will Trust Him

I knew this man didn’t trust in God, but I thought that could change as he got to know Him through our relationship.

I could feel my heart compromising my faith as I sought to be agreeable to the man I loved. But I thought I could overcome that.

But no matter God’s reasons, He was making it clear that my love & I were not the best match for each other, in some ways that I couldn’t even see myself.

And so, after many tears, much rebellious stalling (hoping to never have to leave him… hoping God would change His mind if I waited just a week longer), after seeing that God did not budge in allowing me peace to continue my relationship that I wanted so badly… I broke the heart of the man I loved.

Crushed… Shattered… Yet Not Hopeless

I knew he wouldn’t understand that I had gotten my answer from prayer, because he didn’t believe in God.

I didn’t want to explain why I had to do it, because I wanted him to trust God & not hate him.

And so, I let my love hate me instead.

And it crushed me… shattered me.

Collateral Damage

To make matters worse, I also leaned into a great friend for support, only to end up crushing his heart as well, when my love returned & I left my friend behind, not knowing his care for me was more romantic than friendship.

And when my love had returned, I was sure this time God would say yes this time around. But He didn’t… & I had to crush his heart & mine a second time.

I lost two people I cared for SO MUCH within a short time.

Not only did I have to walk away from someone I cared so strongly for, but I let him believe I didn’t love him as much as I did, in order to protect his potential future trust in God, the only One who could ever love him the way that he really needed.

Crawling Out from the Wreckage… Finding Hope

This heartbreak haunted me for about 5 years. I would check his Facebook once or twice a year just to relieve myself that he was happy & healthy & loved. I would cry when a movie reminded me of him (like Becoming Jane or Fever Pitch). I would wish that someday, God would bring us back together again… until he married someone else.

I have prayed for him consistently since then, that he would feel loved & cared for… that God would reach his heart & give him a kind of freedom & joy & peace like he’s never known. That God would guide him as a husband & father…. That he would come to Jesus & find lasting, sure hope.

I know now the story God had planned for me was my wonderful husband, Jamie, who loves me in a way that grows me as a human being & encourages me to lean into God with each trial, hurt, or obstacle. I know that God knew what He was doing because my husband & are so complementary in how we support each other. I wouldn’t trade my husband for the world!

But I didn’t know then.

I just had to blindly trust that if God was not going to give me peace, He had a reason.

God Always Knows… God Always Has a Plan… And He Loves Us Unconditionally

I lost someone I loved & I grieved for several years as if he had died, but God had a different plan for our lives & I know now that God knew what He was doing all along.

God always knows.

I know our hearts can be convincing, but God sees our full past, present, & future, with every facet & nuance & hidden trauma. He knows our God-given gifting & the plans He has built into our lives & our purpose.

He always knows best.

My love was real, but God knew better than me.

And I am so glad that I trusted God above my love for the man I loved so much.

Thankful I Listened

I will never stop praying for that man because of how much he once meant to me, but I know 100% that God had a better plan for the both of us & I am so thankful that I listened to God’s nudging on my heart to let go & trust God instead of my heart.

Always trust God before emotions, desires, & dreams… He always knows best.

He knows YOU best & He knows what is best for YOU. Trust Him first, always.

Shine hope, by bowing your will to His way & trusting Him with every step, every desire, every hurt, & every love. God’s got you.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Holly Necklace

Co-Founder Holly’s passion is to empower women to be all God created them to be & to live out their potential. Whether in the brothels of Asia to hometown USA, her desire is to see women live out their calling with pride & dignity. This piece is a reflection of the pride & skills a woman rescued from the brothels has when given the opportunity. A delicate piece, this golden/pink druzy necklace sparkles in the light.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

We Have a Love/Hate Relationship

So, if you follow me on Social Media, you will know that blogging & I have a love/hate relationship.

I love the results of growth, encouraging others toward hope, & giving God the glory.

I also love getting to share my heart & talk about what I am passionate about in hopes that it sparks hope, encouragement, & inspiration in the hearts of my readers.

BUT, the logistics of editing is… well… not my best friend. I tend to drag my feet for hours after I write out my post, not wanting to do the tedious part of actually making it look good & ready to post.

My Growth = Your Reward

So, I thought I would share some tips that I have learned along the way, in hopes that it will be a source of information, encouragement, & inspiration for you.

Even if you don’t plan to blog, some of the lessons I have learned can be applied to other areas of life, so don’t run away quite yet!

Let’s get the party started!

Tip 1: Pray through the Details

Just as in life, when blogging, it’s important to pray through the details.

Yes, it’s easy to say, ‘I will just pray in general over the blog (or life) in hopes that it turns out okay’… but it’s important to pray specifics.

“Lord, help my blog (life) to glorify you today. Help give me the words You want me to say so that it points people back to You, not me.”

“Lord, help give me the topic you want me to share or talk about… help me to feel peace when editing & please help clear my mind so I can do this post justice with the edits… help me to be gracious with myself over my mistakes… help me to be encouraging to others as I write today….”

Be specific! God is listening & waiting to offer help throughout your day & life. It is crazy how many VERBS in the Bible are proceeded by “God…”

We give ourselves & others so much credit (& pressure!) because the physical actions & audible words are what we see & hear… but God is the One doing the hard lifting!

A blog post I shared a couple months ago talks about this–“Unless the Lord Builds It, I Labor in Vain”. (Check it out, here!) It’s based on the short 5-verse chapter of Psalm 127, talking about God’s role in our efforts. Remember that perspective when you start to look outward or inward for your source! Look up & pray!

Tip 2: Keep It Simple

(*Extra Tip: You can pray & ask God to help you find more ways that you are overcomplicating if you find something becoming a strain! He can give you wisdom on ways to simplify that I haven’t even discovered yet!)

A. Need a selfie for a teaser post for your upcoming LIVE video, but you struggle to have your life together early enough to be dressed & ready to go in time to post it? (This might be a personal example, haha.) Then use a selfie you took earlier in the week & then just recreate that look when it’s time to film later on! Bam! Easy button pushed!

B. Struggle finding the right lighting for photos or videos? Order a clip-on Selfie Light that clips onto your cell phone. Bam! Instant good lighting, no matter the weather or lightbulb outage situation! (Who else puts off changing light bulbs until several are out to save time? I might do this… Haha.)

C. Struggle making graphics? Download Canva or similar FREE programs & use presets… then, just modify! Choose a couple fonts & a few colors that complement each other well & just switch them around & add a new photo for a fresh look each time. Easy peasy!

Tip 3: Brand Yourself

Back when I first started learning how to set up a website, I did a whole post on the importance & benefit of branding yourself, (even if you don’t own a business or blog!). (If you want to go more in-depth into branding, check that post out, here.)

To cut it short for this post, since I went in depth on the post mentioned above, branding oneself is not just for social media influencers & entrepreneurs. Absolutely EVERYONE can benefit from it!

How? Because the foundation of branding yourself is knowing what you stand for & presenting it in a way that others can relate to & understand you.

Who doesn’t want that?

Choosing colors & fonts that represent your personality well… Choosing how you want to be presented to others & learning how to communicate that is valuable!

Tip 4: Be Consistent

People want to know they can count on you!

This doesn’t mean you can’t allow yourself a sick day, mistake, or a chance to back off when life throws you a curveball—I didn’t do any LIVE videos when I went back to Virginia to visit family, although I did maintain my blog deadlines that I set for myself.

It’s okay to take breaks & to ask for graciousness to be extended to you, but consistency in most of life is key.

If you can’t follow through on a commitment, give people a head’s up as soon as possible.

Some people may ignore you (even unintentionally) at first, but if you present yourself as a consistent presence, it starts to get noticed more frequently & is taken more seriously. Give yourself grace. Give yourself time. Just keep showing up! You never know who is listening & benefiting from your efforts, even when they keep quiet about it.

Positive feedback & accolades feel great, but shouldn’t be depended on to keep going. Pray for perspective & the will to keep pushing forward to do what God has called you to, even when compliments are nonexistent.

Even if you don’t see results, God has a plan.

Tip 5: Be Kind to Others… & Yourself

It’s easy to be passionate, but don’t let your passion keep you from compassion.

When sharing your story, keep in mind that unless God Himself spoke it, it is your perspective. God sees the whole picture; we just see what we have personally learned or experienced.

Also, we have all had personal experiences that are quite different from others around us, so realize that others are looking at your story through the lens of their past.

Learn to be gracious in your own mistakes & the mistakes of others. No one is perfect & we’re not meant to be… & that’s okay!

Learn to lean into God through your weaknesses, instead of beating yourself up. Ask Him to strengthen you in those areas & to help bring growth.

And when we’re tempted to share the weaknesses or mistakes of others, give grace & stop & pray. Ask God to help you have a right perspective & to be gracious, even if we don’t feel like it. We can’t unsay something hurtful, & the ripple effect will most likely spread beyond our ability to repair. So always pray & ask God for help you through times of difficulty with others!

Tip 6: Be Authentic. Be YOU.

Aside from reminding you to pray that 1-God gets the glory & 2-that He guide you along the process… this is my #1 tip!

It’s easy to push the narrative you think people will want to hear from you or to post or share stuff you think people will like, but don’t lose yourself along the way.

God made you specifically you for a reason-silly quirks & all. Don’t try to be someone else FOR someone else.

Ask God to show you who He created you to be & ask His help to stay true to His design & plan for your life. His opinion is the one that matters most, because He knows where you were meant to fit & who you were meant to influence.

In trying to reach everyone, we lose most everyone because no one is quite sure who we actually are & we don’t seem to know either. This goes back to branding yourself & knowing who YOU is.

So, don’t worry about trying to impress people. Just share your story & ask God to help give you the words & ask Him to help you give Him the glory—That’s what truly counts!

The Quick Recap

I hope that even if you don’t blog, or if you are considering blogging, these tips are a big help to you! We all have a learning curve when trying something new, so it’s always great when we can pick up tips that we don’t have to struggle through learning ourselves, am I right?

As a recap: Pray through the details, Keep it simple, Brand yourself, Be consistent, Be kind to others & yourself, & Be authentic, be YOU!

I hope you have a wonderful rest of the week lovely, & always aim to shine HOPE, through leaning into God for wisdom, courage, peace, perspective, & strength! He’s got you!

Coming Next Week

I hope you enjoyed this month’s Special Feature post, shared every last Thursday of the month!

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more regularly scheduled encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Grace Earrings

These earrings feature gold plated metal around local capiz shell.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security,& unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchases, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs! This allows these women to realize their potential and pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Pivot Moments

These last couple weeks, I have begun taking you on a journey of major “Pivot” moments in my life.

In these moments of life change, God has shown Himself true & reliable & capable. He has been the love & grace & patience & power that has gotten me through & He is patiently guiding me to be the woman He made me to be.

Doubts to Darkness

This week, we are following through with the results of last week’s Pivot moment & the answers that finally squashed all of the doubts rattling my heart.

((To catch up from last week & read the story of my seemingly endless doubts, check out that post, here.))

So, after a year or two of doubting everything I once believed in about the simplicity of grace… depression hit me hard.

We’re about to dive headfirst into my darkest days, so hold on!

Shutting God Out & Choosing Me

You see, I had just spent about two years slowly training myself to shut out God’s voice of wisdom & warning from guiding me. I wanted to do it my way.

And now, I was in a raging, stormy sea without a life preserver, just struggling to survive on my own.

Depression became two long years of pain like I had never known before.

How It Began

I was a freshman, & then sophomore, in high school at this point, & my life was a mess of uncertainty & shame & fear & anger & hatred & loneliness & everything bad.

The cynical voice in my head had turned menacing & hurtful… telling me LIES that I believed, “Nobody likes you, you know. You’re not good enough for anybody. You’re an idiot. You’re fat & ugly. No one wants you. Their lives are harder because you’re alive. You complicate everything. Their lives are more peaceful & happier when you’re not here. Why are you here? No one wants you. You’re annoying. You’re too loud. You talk too much. Look at the mistakes you’ve made… you can’t undo them. You are a broken person who can’t be put together again. It would be better if you didn’t exist. You just make life harder for everyone. You would be doing everyone a service to not be here anymore. You can’t ever get anything right. Your family doesn’t want you. Your friends think you’re a joke. God doesn’t care about you either, if He even exists. You’re all alone. Why are you still here?”

Those lies were my every moment. I couldn’t shut them up or drown them out.

Trying to “Fake It Til I Make It”

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shut off those voices in my head telling me life would be better without me in it.

I got so tired of asking for advice from others… because it never helped.

I started plastering on a smile that never quite reached my eyes & pretending that I was fine & I could handle it.

But I couldn’t.

Fading Away in the Silence

I was chipping away… My resolve weakening every time I cried.

I would be sitting in class, listening to that endless reel of hateful dialogue in my head & my eyes would burn with hidden tears.

I would write my hurt & fears in journals, needing to tell SOMEONE, only to end up sobbing at the fact that that “someone” was paper because I didn’t feel like I had anyone who understood the hell inside my head.

Sometimes I thought about suicide.

No One Understood, Not Even Me

I would try to tell someone, only to be mocked or teased or brushed off.

I would plaster a smile on my face that never quite reached my eyes.

I felt numb & hated & unloved. I felt angry & hurt & alone. I felt LOST in my sea of doubts, unable to find steady ground to hold on to.

My Secret Tears

I would come home from school so many days, grab my kitty “Valentine”, & slowly, quietly close & lock my bedroom door trying not to draw attention to myself, duck into my closet, underneath my row of clothes hanging above me, close the closet doors to block out the sunlight (& the sound of my sobs), & then wail into a pillow I had brought in with me, hugging my cat tightly under the other arm.

I spent several days a week like this for two years & I don’t know if anyone ever even knew.

My Life Began to Fall Apart

I hated my life & everything in it because I felt so alone & so unloved & so worthless.

The menacing whisper never let up either. It followed me everywhere I went, never letting my heart rest.

I felt constantly beat up by a relentless wave of self-hatred.

My grades began plummeting. Relationships became strained.

I was losing faith in myself & others seemed to follow suit.

Pray, Girl, Pray! … But I Did!

At this point, you might be thinking, “Michelle! Your advice is always ‘pray first!’ so why didn’t you do that???”

I prayed so much it hurt.

I felt that God had abandoned me… that my choices to slowly, gradually do things my own way had offended Him beyond repair.

I was a Christian who “knew” better & yet had still turned her back on God.

Why would He want me? … If He even existed (I wasn’t sure of anything anymore).

But I kept praying.

Is He Listening? Does He Care?

I wondered how God could love me & let me suffer.

I wondered if He had just created us & left us down here to suffer while He laughed & pointed out our failures.

I wondered if He was even real.

But I kept praying because I knew that if He was real, He’d be my only hope.

I Prayed… & I Hurt

If He was real, the way He describes Himself throughout the Bible, then He alone was powerful enough to clear my doubts & prove Himself as the one true God.

If He was real, He had the power to fix everything.

And yet, I kept hurting.

I kept hurting worse, with every day, or so it seemed to my breaking heart.

I felt alone.

Rays of Hope Broke Through

And there would come times where I thought I saw Him through the dark clouds that overtook me.

A ray of sunshine (of hope) would break through my heart.

I would think, “Hey, that seems to be God helping me… right when I asked Him for help, _______________ happened! Maybe God DOES care about us… about me!!!”

But the Doubts Always Seemed to Win

But then, another wave of darkness… I would brush off that ray of hope like a glitch… or maybe I had just felt stronger that day & had just thought it was God or maybe it’s because someone helped me other than God… or basically maybe it was anything but God.

So, I would keep praying. But I would keep trying to find hope my own way.

And things like that ray of hope would keep happening when I chose to pray.

And still I found a way to credit something else as the source… Something other than God.

I kept praying.

The Lost Man At Sea

Have you ever heard the story/joke about the man drowning, begging God to save Him?

Well, first someone throws him a life preserver, but he says, “No thank you! I am waiting for God to save me!”

Then a boat comes along & offers to rescue him as he screams to God for help… “No thank you!” he responds, “I am waiting for God to save me!”

Then a rescue helicopter comes & offers him a ladder to climb out of the choppy seas. “No thank you! I am waiting for God to save me!”

Well, eventually the man exhausts himself from treading water & crying out to God & the waves overtake him & he drowns at sea.

When he gets to heaven, he says, “God, why didn’t you save me?? I kept crying out to You!! Didn’t You hear me?? Didn’t You care?!?”

God patiently, gently rests His hand on the man’s shoulder & responds, “My son, I did hear you. I did listen. I sent you a life preserver, a boat, & finally a helicopter… But you didn’t accept any of it.”

That’s Where I Was… That’s What I Did

That was me during depression. I cried out to God. He responded. I accredited it to someone or something else & kept crying out to God to save me.

I would fall back into the darkness only to go back to relying on myself.

I doubted God too much to stay holding on to Him as my source for help because I didn’t know He was the One helping.

Thoughts of Suicide Became Plans for Suicide… But Then, GOD

And eventually, after years of asking (begging, through bleary eyes) for God to answer & clear up my doubts & to give me a true sense of hope & peace & security… I began to give up hope completely.

My temptation for suicide became more than just considerations… it became something that felt like my only hope.

No one wanted me (according to the lies in my head) & I wasn’t good for anything other than being a burden to everyone around me (again, the lies were ruthless & relentless).

No matter what I had tried to be strong enough, to smile through it, to think more positively, to ignore it, to find my own “happy”, to fight back, to be good enough… nothing EVER worked long term. They all crumbled eventually & they left me with nothing left to fight with.

I was done.

One Night… I Gave Up

And one night, through my desperate sobs, bringing me to my knees in my bedroom… Eventually weighing me down so much that I lay flat, face burrowed in the carpet…

I gave up fighting.

I was ready to die.

I was ready for the pain to stop because I couldn’t carry it anymore.

I didn’t feel I had any choice. I felt it was the merciful choice for a family & for friendships where I only caused them more drama, more burden, more pain.

I was ready to stop fighting. I had nothing left in me to try or to give.

I was tired & angry & hurt & felt unloved & invisible & mocked & ugly & fat & worthless & stupid & never good enough & weak & a burden. And I was so, so, SO tired.

One Night… I Stopped Trying to be “Strong Enough”

And as I lay there, face planted into the carpet, arms limp at my sides… legs lifeless… heart bleeding. No strength left to cry. Just numb & empty.

With barely a whisper worth of strength & hope left.

I prayed.

“God, don’t You hear me? Don’t I matter at all to You? Do You even exist? Are You laughing at me? Why won’t You help me? Why did You even make someone as worthless as me? [Sobs] I can’t do it anymore. I can’t fight. I have nothing left. If You are real, You are my ONLY option now nothing else works. My parents think I am drugged out. My sisters can’t seem to stand me… Many of my friends laugh at me like I’m a joke… My teachers don’t even bother anymore… I have nothing left. No one left. I can’t do it anymore, God. I’m not strong enough. If You really are God, You are my only hope. You are all that’s left. Please. Show me You are real, that You are near me & that You care for me. And if You can’t do that, kill me because I give up trying to be strong enough. Be my everything or let me die.”

One Night… God Changed EVERYTHING

And as my prayer faded… it happened.

Every ounce of hatred, of pain, loneliness, fear, doubt, anger, sadness, despair, sorrow, & everything that had pressed me down & down until I couldn’t stand anymore… EVERYTHING vanished in a single instant.

I felt a full breath of hope fill my lungs.

I felt goosebumps dance across every inch of skin.

I felt hope & love & joy & peace flood me like a rushing surge of water, racing to fill every broken place within me.

I felt FREE….

A smile danced at the corner of my mouth, erasing the bitterness & hopelessness.

I sat up, stunned.

I felt as if strong, warm arms wrapped around my entire self, squeezing the loneliness & fear into a safe embrace full of love.

And every doubt was shot dead in that one moment.

God Had a Plan That I Didn’t See… He Always Has a Plan

God wasn’t letting me suffer for the fun of it…. No!

He KNEW that unless He peeled away everything else that I clung to as my source of hope, I would just keep clinging to everything else but Him… Everything but real hope.

He knew those things weren’t my answer & that the lies I believed kept me imprisoned into believing I was left to rely on unsustainable, unstable sources… like myself… ones that crumbled & faded & ebbed & flowed.

He wanted me to know solid, secure ground. He wanted me to know what true, eternal hope felt like, apart from anything temporal & fleeting that I tried to cling to.

He knew that the ONLY way to show Himself as the One true source of Hope & Truth that would get my attention & STICK was to take everything else away where there was only Him left.

Truth Is Truth, & It SHALL Set You FREE!

I had asked, not for a temporary fix, but for TRUTH I could rest in & rely on & He did what He knew it would take to show me that it was found only in Him.

You see, if you are really seeking truth… not “truth” that you WANT to believe, but ACTUAL, REAL TRUTH… God is capable of knowing exactly how you will know 100% what that truth is. He can make it crystal clear (with no smudges of doubt!)

If you just want a “truth” that satiates you into living how you want, you will always be on the waves of the sea like I was… trying helplessly to cling to whatever you think might help, only to see it insufficient & far from lasting.

But if you want SURE faith that you can go ALL IN & not come out a fool.

If you want something you can securely build your life upon…

It’s in Him. It’s found ONLY Him.

So ask Him.

Not a SINGLE Regret… Only Praise! And Freedom!

If you think I regret for a SINGLE moment those several years of doubts & then depression & then eventual suicidal thoughts plaguing my life… you are DEAD WRONG.

I feel SO BLESSED & SO PRIVELEGED to KNOW 100% what I can count on.

Do I still make mistakes? Heck yes! Do I still have doubts pop up? Heck yes!

Is God patient to guide me & do I now finally have a source I can go to with FULL CONFIDENCE to answer those doubts with patience, love, grace, & TRUTH?

YES!!! A million times yes!

I Want You to Have Peace & Rest in REAL Truth… The Simple Grace Offered by Jesus

And I want that for you. It’s why I do this blog. It’s why I write when it’s not my strongest talent.

I want you to find that secure ground… That peace… That surety… That LOVE… & GRACE! I want you to know TRUTH!

 So come to Him with your doubts & don’t stop asking! He HEARS you!

Shine Hope, by trusting in the sure foundation of real, lasting, reliable TRUTH.

Coming Next Week

Join me next Monday morning EST to follow along with my journey of Pivot moments. I can’t wait to see you there!

And make sure to Subscribe (Join My Tribe), so you don’t miss it!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Quinn Necklace

This innovative statement piece is accented with white & silver beads & has a detachable bottom pendant (shown detached), creating two unique looks.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely! deused1 \lsd

It’s My Way or The Highway

It’s easy to go through life on our own terms.

We naturally go through life the best way we know how. We live according to what seems right to us.

We understand we aren’t perfect, but we do our best.

Sometimes we beat ourselves up when we don’t get it right… Sometimes we blame others… & still other times, we blame circumstances.

But we inevitably determine to get back up & try again in the way that seems best to us.

Suck It Up, Buttercup… Or Not

Life is hard. No one can go through life without struggle, without mistakes, without regrets.

Although we can brush it all off with a, “I have no regrets, only lessons learned!”… Deep down, we know things could have gone better, but they didn’t.

Have you ever felt trapped by wrong choices? Like they define you in some way now?

Have you ever bolstered yourself to be strong & bold in light of your mistakes, eager &/or desperate not to show weakness or vulnerability, while silently feeling the pain underneath the façade?

Do you ever get tired of trying to have it all together?

I do.

Survival of the Fittest

I don’t know where we ever got the idea that we have to have it all together. Maybe it’s instinctual not to show weakness or vulnerability. Maybe it’s stubborn pride, not wanting to admit defeat.

Whatever it is, it’s hard.

God is slowly teaching me how often I do what seems right in my own eyes, versus humbly bowing my actions, decisions, & feelings under His able care.

He’s Right There All Along

You see, we often wait until we’re falling apart to cry out to God for help, when He has been right alongside us the whole time.

We don’t have to have it all together. We don’t have to have all the answers or always get it right.

We are limited in our understanding, wisdom, strength… But He is not.

Doing What Is Right in Our Own Eyes

In studying through Psalm 107 recently, with a Bible Study called Steadfast Love, by Lauren Chandler, I was reminded over & over through that particular chapter how those people started out doing what was right in their own eyes way before they started openly rebelling.

Coincidence? I think not.

Why? Because when we go through life on auto-pilot, just doing what we think is best, we will inevitably not get it all right because we cannot ever see every facet of every particular circumstance.

We Want Him to Make OUR Plan Work

And the more times we mess up, the more difficult our lives get… & the more difficult our lives get, the more we wonder why God isn’t fixing it & wondering where He is in all of it….

And the more we doubt God, the more we feel slighted by God… & the more we feel slighted or neglected by God, the more we tend to rebel against God.

… Even though He was right there all along, offering His help along the way….

Instead of asking God to help us follow HIS WAY, we often only ask for Him to make OUR way work.

Learning to Trust Our Savior

But when we flip the script to NOT do what is right in our own eyes, but instead ask for Him to guide us in HIS way of doing things, we get to see HIM work miracles. We get to see His hand guiding & shaping & upholding & strengthening us along every step of the way.

And as we live, drawing constantly from His wisdom, His way, His strength, His power, His love… we see things fit into place much more nicely & we grow in trust when things don’t go well because of the sin of others around us. We get to rest in His ability to uphold & strengthen us with His peace.

And we’re much less likely to rebel when we are receiving His life flowing through our lives. The Vine to His branches.

We’re Meant to Live by His Design

You see, we’re not meant to live life in a way that seems right to us… We’re meant to ask our Designer, Creator God what HIS design for our lives is meant to be & to do our best to lean into Him as He guides the way on the greatest adventure of our lives.

We weren’t meant to just be born, survive, & then die.

We were meant for a purpose… to change lives… to love others intentionally… to shine hope into the darkness… to be an impactful force for good… to serve the Most High God, Creator of heaven & earth & Lover of our souls.

Baby Steps… Pray & Ask

If you are like me & you struggle to release the tight grip of the reins of your life, struggling to trust that God can do a better job with your life than you can… start by being honest with God in that fear.

Put a toe into the water. Ask God to help give you the courage to dive in. Ask Him to help you trust Him with the little things. Ask Him to help you have the wisdom & humility to seek His way above your own. Ask Him to have His potential of your life fleshed out through seeking Him. Ask Him to help you to know & love Him more EACH DAY. Ask Him to help you TRUST HIM.

I will tell you with all honesty that those prayers have been the most influential, life-changing, purpose-enlightening, peace-churning questions I have ever asked in my entire life.

He’s Got This… & You

He knows what He’s doing. He’s walking alongside you, waiting for you to plug into Him as the vine, so His life & wisdom & peace & love & grace & strength can flow through you & produce fruit that also nourishes those around you.

Will you connect to the Vine?

He is waiting to nourish you. He loves you too much to let you be content with an empty, tiresom façade.

He loves you.

Shine Hope, by plugging into Him as your source of hope!

Coming Soon

Check back on Thursday for our monthly Special Feature post, shared every last Thursday of the month! Will it be a poem? A short story? Tales of our adventures overseas? Come back Thursday to check!

Also, join me every Monday morning for your next post of encouragement as we learn together how to give our all to our God who gives His all for us.

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Truth Earrings

These incredibly light earrings are made with genuine local capiz shell.

Artisan Information:

In the Philippines, finding employment as a woman in poverty can be extremely difficult. Poor working conditions, lack of job security, & unfair pay are often the realities. Through your purchase, these women are receiving an income, health care, & social development programs. This allows these women to realize their potential & pursue their dreams in a safe environment. You have the opportunity to change lives!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in the Philippines!

(*Also Pictured: Sea Glass Necklace made in Jordan!*)

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!