A Jabbled Mind
I have a lot of stuff floating around my mind today. I have a big case of the, “I don’t wanna.”
Have you ever had days where you just can’t seem to sit down & concentrate on one thing? Because that’s totally me today.
Today has been a game of, “how long can I put off sitting down to write my blog, because I just can’t seem to sort out my thoughts & sit still for more than a few minutes at a time.”
But here I am, so that’s a start…?
Wanting to Blend In
Writing my blog these last two years has taken me on a crazy ride.
When I first started, I was afraid of not being a blend-in-able nobody.
I was basically afraid of facing the critical & harsh world of online/social media. I am most likely never going to be completely over this, I imagine, because one of my “love languages” is affirmation & while that means I flourish when others believe in me, negative responses make me want to quit.
I just pray about this & know that if/when it happens, I will just need to cling to God & step forward with His help, because this girl won’t make it far otherwise. (Good thing God is big enough for the both of us, huh?)
A Voice in the Wind
After praying over this anxiety & asking God to help me trust Him more than my fears, the blog began… & so did other, new worries.
Not too long after beginning my blog, Satan tried scaring me away from shining for Christ by making me feel like a voice in the wind.
I had such passion & excitement, mixed with diligent planning, praying, & preparations, to share my heart & point to Jesus’ hope in everything I talked about… but no one seemed to care one single bit.
It was pure crickets.
I felt alone. I felt my efforts were wasted. I felt my voice simply echoed over empty rooms.
He Is SO Worth It
But again, God is always ready to use faced trials in our obedience to follow His lead as an opportunity to teach & grow me & that, sister, is exactly what He did.
God showed me through that LONG time of silence a lesson about priorities.
Was my priority in being heard or in showing up in obedience to Jesus Christ whether I felt heard or not, shining a light of hope in Him no matter who noticed? Was my goal recognition or putting God’s glory first regardless?
Even If Just the Background Noise
It was through that wasteland of cricket responses that I learned that not everyone who notices will say so, but I should show up & point to Jesus Christ anyway.
It was through that wasteland that I learned that even if NO ONE was paying attention, silent or not, it was worth showing up for Jesus.
Even if to others I was just background noise that sang the praises of my Father God, I was willing to show up & keep being that background noise that always pointed to Him as my hope.
It wasn’t about me. It was about Him.
Growing Pains Lead to Growth
But, of course, the lessons didn’t stop there.
Next, after growing in understanding my need to turn to God in my fears & after licking my wounds of feeling invisible in my efforts & exchanging that perspective to just show up & point to Him anyway… Next came a new fear: Never feeling like I had anything important to say.
Satan keeps on coming & God keeps on using it to make my trust in God even stronger. Take that, Satan!
You can probably guess that God ALSO used this insecurity to grow me… He did. He’s always with me.
Not How Great I Am
It’s easy to look at my mistakes, my failures, my insecurities, my awkwardness (this one is a big one, y’all), my PAST, my lacking, my insufficiencies, my everything-that-is-less-than-perfect-about-me… & think to myself & to God, “God, are You kidding me? I canNOT do this! I mean, LOOK at me!? I am not worthy to be a voice for You. I am not good enough to stand up & shout Your glory. I will screw it up… completely. I am too imperfect for this. I can’t.”
But God’s voice comes as a gentle reminder over my heart, “I made you. I don’t make mistakes. You’re human & you’re limited, yes… But I am Almighty AND I love you beyond your comprehension. I will help you. I don’t need you to be perfect. I just need you to show up for Me & let Me work through it. Your flaws, My glory. Just show up. Lean into Me, let Me strengthen you, let Me lead, & just show up. The world needs more people willing to be a shining light of hope in the darkness of sin & despair. I am that hope. So, just show up & shine & let Me do the rest.”
Just SHOW UP
And so, I come each week, knowing some weeks I probably sound like a rambling baboon.
But I show up. Because He’s worth showing up for.
God’s Not Done with Me Yet…
And finally, there are days like today, that have been showing up more & more frequently & consistently lately—Not being able to sit still or concentrate & then procrastinating REAL hard as a result.
And, looking back at God’s track record above, through the struggles on my now 2-year journey with this blog (not to mention every other trial I have turned to Him with in my life), I am pretty confident that God has a plan in this struggle as well.
He’s Always with Me… & You
So, I turn to Him in it. I lay down my grief & whining & dragging of my feet. I open up honestly to Him about my cases of, “I don’t wannas.” And I ask for His help… for Him to speak to someone, anyone, even if just one person, through my chaotic mess of thoughts as I sit to write.
And hopefully that’s you. Hopefully this encourages you to take every struggle, every trial, every “I don’t wanna” to HIM & ask for His help through every one of them.
I Pray for EASY
Do I often wish & ask God to make it easier, with less struggle & trial on this blog journey? YES.
But then I would be even more tempted to stop relying on Him & start relying more on myself.
Relying on myself NEVER ends well.
So, I will forever be grateful for the trials that remind me of my GREAT weakness & His GREAT willingness to help me every step of the way.
God Is Infinite… With Infinite Love for Us
Satan may have a slew of tactics to keep us silent, make us want to quit, & distract us away from shining for Jesus… BUT, God is INFINITELY bigger AND opens His doors wide for our EVERY petition & request.
- NO request is too small. He is infinite.
- NO request is too big. He is infinite.
- NO request is too hard. He is infinite.
- NO request is too inconvenient. He is infinite.
- NO request is too silly or “inconsequential”. He is infinite.
Ask Him… No Matter WHAT Your Struggle Is… Just ASK HIM
JUST ASK HIM. Be honest & raw & real about your heart & your screw ups & your “I don’t wannas” & go ahead & ASK HIM FOR HIS HELP.
Shine Hope by taking your messes to our infinite, almighty, loving God & by asking Him for His help through every single one.
He is infinite AND He loves you, Beautiful.
(Done writing with 3 hours left before my deadline… not including the need to do editing, graphics, & my Join My Tribe emails… Boy, I cannot WAIT until the time change hits again, because then it will give me an extra hour I can procrastinate each week, haha. (We don’t have daylight savings time in Japan.) But maybe I should pray through that, too.) 😉
Coming Next Week
Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.
As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.
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A Note from Michelle:
This blog/website has been running for TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3
If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
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Fashion as a Force for GOOD:
Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Radiant Necklace Set
On-trend set of 3 layered necklaces (only 1 shown) that can be worn together or separately, featuring a labradorite stone, hammered discs, and a blue topaz crystal drop.
Artisan Information:
In India, poverty is rampant & fair working conditions are hard to find. Every purchase provides women with income, access to healthcare, education for their children, & care for elderly family members. Many of these artisans have been exploited by sweatshops in the past but are now receiving fair wages as artisans in safe & caring fair-trade workshops.
Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!
How You Can Help:
SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!
