A Jabbled Mind

I have a lot of stuff floating around my mind today. I have a big case of the, “I don’t wanna.”

Have you ever had days where you just can’t seem to sit down & concentrate on one thing? Because that’s totally me today.

Today has been a game of, “how long can I put off sitting down to write my blog, because I just can’t seem to sort out my thoughts & sit still for more than a few minutes at a time.”

But here I am, so that’s a start…?

Wanting to Blend In

Writing my blog these last two years has taken me on a crazy ride.

When I first started, I was afraid of not being a blend-in-able nobody.

I was basically afraid of facing the critical & harsh world of online/social media. I am most likely never going to be completely over this, I imagine, because one of my “love languages” is affirmation & while that means I flourish when others believe in me, negative responses make me want to quit.

I just pray about this & know that if/when it happens, I will just need to cling to God & step forward with His help, because this girl won’t make it far otherwise. (Good thing God is big enough for the both of us, huh?)

A Voice in the Wind

After praying over this anxiety & asking God to help me trust Him more than my fears, the blog began… & so did other, new worries.

Not too long after beginning my blog, Satan tried scaring me away from shining for Christ by making me feel like a voice in the wind.

I had such passion & excitement, mixed with diligent planning, praying, & preparations, to share my heart & point to Jesus’ hope in everything I talked about… but no one seemed to care one single bit.

It was pure crickets.

I felt alone. I felt my efforts were wasted. I felt my voice simply echoed over empty rooms.

He Is SO Worth It

But again, God is always ready to use faced trials in our obedience to follow His lead as an opportunity to teach & grow me & that, sister, is exactly what He did.

God showed me through that LONG time of silence a lesson about priorities.

Was my priority in being heard or in showing up in obedience to Jesus Christ whether I felt heard or not, shining a light of hope in Him no matter who noticed? Was my goal recognition or putting God’s glory first regardless?

Even If Just the Background Noise

It was through that wasteland of cricket responses that I learned that not everyone who notices will say so, but I should show up & point to Jesus Christ anyway.

It was through that wasteland that I learned that even if NO ONE was paying attention, silent or not, it was worth showing up for Jesus.

Even if to others I was just background noise that sang the praises of my Father God, I was willing to show up & keep being that background noise that always pointed to Him as my hope.

It wasn’t about me. It was about Him.

Growing Pains Lead to Growth

But, of course, the lessons didn’t stop there.

Next, after growing in understanding my need to turn to God in my fears & after licking my wounds of feeling invisible in my efforts & exchanging that perspective to just show up & point to Him anyway… Next came a new fear: Never feeling like I had anything important to say.

Satan keeps on coming & God keeps on using it to make my trust in God even stronger. Take that, Satan!

You can probably guess that God ALSO used this insecurity to grow me… He did. He’s always with me.

Not How Great I Am

It’s easy to look at my mistakes, my failures, my insecurities, my awkwardness (this one is a big one, y’all), my PAST, my lacking, my insufficiencies, my everything-that-is-less-than-perfect-about-me… & think to myself & to God, “God, are You kidding me? I canNOT do this! I mean, LOOK at me!? I am not worthy to be a voice for You. I am not good enough to stand up & shout Your glory. I will screw it up… completely. I am too imperfect for this. I can’t.”

But God’s voice comes as a gentle reminder over my heart, “I made you. I don’t make mistakes. You’re human & you’re limited, yes… But I am Almighty AND I love you beyond your comprehension. I will help you. I don’t need you to be perfect. I just need you to show up for Me & let Me work through it. Your flaws, My glory. Just show up. Lean into Me, let Me strengthen you, let Me lead, & just show up. The world needs more people willing to be a shining light of hope in the darkness of sin & despair. I am that hope. So, just show up & shine & let Me do the rest.”

Just SHOW UP

And so, I come each week, knowing some weeks I probably sound like a rambling baboon.

But I show up. Because He’s worth showing up for.

God’s Not Done with Me Yet…

And finally, there are days like today, that have been showing up more & more frequently & consistently lately—Not being able to sit still or concentrate & then procrastinating REAL hard as a result.

And, looking back at God’s track record above, through the struggles on my now 2-year journey with this blog (not to mention every other trial I have turned to Him with in my life), I am pretty confident that God has a plan in this struggle as well.

He’s Always with Me… & You

So, I turn to Him in it. I lay down my grief & whining & dragging of my feet. I open up honestly to Him about my cases of, “I don’t wannas.” And I ask for His help… for Him to speak to someone, anyone, even if just one person, through my chaotic mess of thoughts as I sit to write.

And hopefully that’s you. Hopefully this encourages you to take every struggle, every trial, every “I don’t wanna” to HIM & ask for His help through every one of them.

I Pray for EASY

Do I often wish & ask God to make it easier, with less struggle & trial on this blog journey? YES.

But then I would be even more tempted to stop relying on Him & start relying more on myself.

Relying on myself NEVER ends well.

So, I will forever be grateful for the trials that remind me of my GREAT weakness & His GREAT willingness to help me every step of the way.

God Is Infinite… With Infinite Love for Us

Satan may have a slew of tactics to keep us silent, make us want to quit, & distract us away from shining for Jesus… BUT, God is INFINITELY bigger AND opens His doors wide for our EVERY petition & request.

• NO request is too small. He is infinite.
• NO request is too big. He is infinite.
• NO request is too hard. He is infinite.
• NO request is too inconvenient. He is infinite.
• NO request is too silly or “inconsequential”. He is infinite.

Ask Him… No Matter WHAT Your Struggle Is… Just ASK HIM

JUST ASK HIM. Be honest & raw & real about your heart & your screw ups & your “I don’t wannas” & go ahead & ASK HIM FOR HIS HELP.

Shine Hope by taking your messes to our infinite, almighty, loving God & by asking Him for His help through every single one.

He is infinite AND He loves you, Beautiful.

(Done writing with 3 hours left before my deadline… not including the need to do editing, graphics, & my Join My Tribe emails… Boy, I cannot WAIT until the time change hits again, because then it will give me an extra hour I can procrastinate each week, haha. (We don’t have daylight savings time in Japan.) But maybe I should pray through that, too.) 😉

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

This blog/website has been running for TWO years now! THANK YOU for your continued support & encouragement. <3

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Fashion as a Force for GOOD:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Radiant Necklace Set

On-trend set of 3 layered necklaces (only 1 shown) that can be worn together or separately, featuring a labradorite stone, hammered discs, and a blue topaz crystal drop.

Artisan Information:

In India, poverty is rampant & fair working conditions are hard to find. Every purchase provides women with income, access to healthcare, education for their children, & care for elderly family members. Many of these artisans have been exploited by sweatshops in the past but are now receiving fair wages as artisans in safe & caring fair-trade workshops.

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

How You Can Help:

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michellehyde.tradesofhope@gmail.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The Smiling Façade

How often have you felt pressured to look like you have your life together?

Maybe you share a smiling photo on social media, while in the background is the reality of: 3 loads of laundry piled high on your living room couch, 3 days of dishes sit unwashed in the sink, & you haven’t even showered in a couple days. The pressure to have it all together seems insistent at times.

And maybe it goes beyond home chaos to inward chaos. The hurt of a lost friend or family member, loneliness, stress, worries, & pressures from every side telling you you’re not good enough (see last week’s post, here).

Social media has heightened this pressure. In an attempt for everyone to show their “good side”, we often get the impression that everyone else is handling life with ease while we struggle to even get the dishes done.

But what if we could work to change this?

But She’s Doing It, So Why Can’t I?

The first fear that pops into my mind is the good ol’ comparison battle, feeling that if I share my vulnerability, everyone else will respond with, “Wow, Michelle, you can’t even handle that?! Don’t you know I cook three square meals a day, finish all of the chores, all of my children are well behaved & successful, AND I manage time to bake a fresh dessert AND volunteer at our local shelter each day?”

I know that’s not reality. My head KNOWS that is not reality…. But I still find myself insecure sometimes when I am not as well “put together” as others seem to be as I scroll through my newsfeed.

Slowly Learning to Let My Weaknesses Show

I have had people ask me, in the times when I am vulnerable, if it embarrasses me to show that weakness.

But in circumstances where I have failed completely & lost all control, but also turned it over to God in humble surrender, asking for His help, guidance, strength, & peace, I saw Him come through for me each & every time.

And when I see my failures turn into a display for God’s glory, I can’t help but want to share!

Let Your Weaknesses Put God’s Glory on Display

It’s a call to others, as if to say, “We don’t have to have it all together, ladies! God is enough to fill in the gaps & lead us in His particular plans for our hours, days, weeks, etc., through HIS strength, wisdom, power, courage, peace, comfort, joy, love, etc.!”

I still struggle with being transparent, especially when I feel as if everyone else seems to have that area of their life together, while I feel like I am just giving myself grace in the messy failures of my life.

But I have found that there is great value in allowing myself to be transparent. It releases pressure from others & it releases me from the pressure of pretending to be more than I am.

It also allows me to display God’s help in my failures, weaknesses, insecurities, & learning curve of personal growth in my faith.

Getting Real about Daily Life

The honest truth is this… If you are a friend & come over unannounced, my house WILL be a mess (not dusted, not vacuumed, probably a dirty-ish bathroom, & dishes in the sink) … I don’t do chores on the weekends, unless we’re expecting company, so don’t expect it to look nice those days… And although I can manage to get laundry washed & dried & even hung up in the laundry room, expect to see the same clean clothes downstairs for at least the next week before I get around to putting them away (& I don’t even have kids!!)

I am not the best cook & I either tend to overcook things or get too excited with the spices which I probably didn’t exactly measure.

Vulnerability of the Heart

And my heart is prone to wander from God.

I am independent & selfish & proud… & those weaknesses don’t mesh well with submission to an all-powerful, all-knowing God. I always want to try my way until I fail enough times to stop & ask for His.

I pray & act… Versus praying & waiting on His answer. I want answers now & will usually fail at several of my own “solutions” by the time I stop to hear God’s answer whisper across my heart. I struggle with patience.

I am far from perfect, but I am perfectly loved by a perfect God.

He Is Faithful, Patient, & Kind

He gives me grace in the moment & is ever-patient with me. He waits with open arms each time I learn my need to bow at His wisdom over my own… Not judging, not berating… just patient love & grace, followed by His wisdom & guidance… every time.

I am so glad that He expresses the prodding for us to forgive 70 x7 times, because I need about that many with everything I do. I always rush into it my way, before understanding I needed to wait & pray for His way.

That’s where a lot of my stress, anxiety, fear, worries, or doubts stem from… trying to desperately make life work in my own wisdom, versus leaning into & relying on His.

God Is the ONLY One Who “Has It All Together”

I am a work in progress & I want to work at being even more transparent & vulnerable with each passing year.

I want my already present weaknesses on display, so that you can be blessed to see that not only does someone else NOT have their life together, but that God does, even when we don’t.

So, work on that today. Work on not only being transparent on social media, but also pointing to Jesus Christ as our hope in the midst of our #fails.

Even if you haven’t seen God’s answer or seen Him bring His solution… Show your weakness/fail with a prayer for His help, guidance, wisdom, strength, direction, courage, peace, love, patience, discipline, hope, etc.

Demonstrate Him as your source of hope in the midst of your frailty.

Demonstrate Him as the hope for it all.

Because He is… He really, really is.

He Is Our Hope in It All

Shine HIM as the hope, in the midst of your fails, insecurities, doubts, fears, anxieties, worries, weaknesses, & mistakes. Always use your life, the good AND the bad, to point back to Him in ALL things. He’s got you better than you do, Lovely. So, lean into Him through it all & in everything you do. Give Him the glory He deserves.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement.

As God grows me, may it encourage you to seek Him & know Him & love Him more every day.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Chelsie Necklace

This curved bar necklace features gold & rose gold tones. Hanging from a gold colored chain, this piece was named after one of our co-founders because of her golden & modern style, along with her passion for using sustainable business to end poverty.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, and receive education and healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece and empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!