Getting Real
Being “Authentic” is a tricky topic for most people, including myself. I think it’s tricky because oftentimes, we aren’t completely sure what is the “real” us.
This may not seem to make sense, because it sounds so ridiculous, but the fact is that none of us really know who our authentic selves are—not completely or accurately anyway.
That sounds pretty crazy, but hopefully after we take some time to discuss it further, it will begin to make more sense.
We Should Know, Right?
In all logic, it seems that of all the people who should really know who we are on the inside, it would be us, right?
But how well do we really know ourselves?
Let me explain.
We all have our perception of reality. This is sometimes labeled as “our truth” because it’s how we personally see the world around us & also how we see ourselves.
But is it always accurate?
Probably not so much.
Here’s why….
For starters, we were all shaped as children, by our surroundings. This could include, but is not limited to, childhood trauma, for example. But it can also be something as simple as the ideologies of our parents & how we were raised, as a result.
We Are Shaped By What We Know
Something so awful can happen to us, or even a subtle wrong… And it can often become etched into our minds as truth, even if it isn’t!
A common example of this would be seeing a parent abandon the family, thus “realizing” that marriages don’t really work… creating a fear of intimacy or long-term commitment.
Another example is hearing how your parent describes someone of a different nationality, upbringing, or even judging based on outside appearances such as weight.
We will often grow up with a prejudice built into our brains, as a result of this upbringing, that we are not even fully aware of as wrong or incorrect.
Image issues, insecurities, commitment or other phobias, etc. can be etched into our subconscious so deeply that we may not even see them as anything other than “just the way things are,” because they are “our truth.”
Our idea of truth can be completely wrong, but feel so completely right because it is all we have ever known.
Family Histories Often Seem Like FACT
Also, considering how we grew up or even our family histories, it can be ingrained in us even further that that is just the way life is, & that there is little we can do to change things.
Because it has been approved or acted upon for years, or decades even, it seems to us as factual.
So who are we really? How can we truly be authentic if we don’t have a clear picture as to who we really are?
Perception Doesn’t Always Equal Truth
The other thing to consider is perception.
Perception is a tricky thing because it is just how it sounds—it is OUR perception. It is simply how we perceive things to be, even if they are not actually that way,
We may even have something happen to us or around us, & we might perceive it as a specific turn of events or as a memory etched in our minds, when really, we misinterpreted the situation completely, whether for the better, or for the worse.
For example, seeing a grumpy look on someone’s face & assuming they dislike something about you, when really, someone may have just done something awful to THEM & they were struggling at hiding their physical facial reaction, which just happened to be aimed in your direction.
I could list TONS of other examples, but I think we can agree that this sort of thing has probably happened to us & we have probably inadvertently caused this same situation to happen to some other bystander.
Perception is a powerful influencer, but it is not always based on reality.
So Much Out There
There are so many outside factors that shape what we believe about who we are, even if many of them are lies.
So, considering these factors, how are we supposed to know who we really are?
Do you ever feel like you are living life, the best you know how, but something just never seems to fit? Like you don’t WANT to be “like that” or do “that” or live “that way”? But it just seems like it’s “just the way things are?”
Or maybe it seems like that is “just who YOU are” & you can’t change it?
I have struggled against that angst many times growing up.
But I oftentimes convince myself to just accept it & to flourish despite it (instead of changing my idea of who I really am based on actual facts or truth).
What the Heart Wants
We want to be “real” or “true to ourselves” but we often don’t REALLY know what that even looks like!
How confusing.
On top of those considerations, we sometimes want or long for things that are not actually what we want in the long run.
We can be so convinced that we have found what our heart so longs for, & then be completely wrong about it. (Keep reading… Hope is coming through all of this!)
Take my experience with my first serious relationship. I was so convinced that he was the absolute best man for me & I was ready to accept a ring & start a life of endless bliss with him.
I wanted it more than anything I had ever wanted!
I was sure of my decision–More sure than anything I had ever known.
But when I prayed about it, something just felt off. I never received peace, even though I was so sure that I wanted to be with this man forever & ever.
Obeying When We Don’t Understand
I obeyed that nudging from God through my lack of peace & I trusted God enough to let go, breaking my heart as well as his. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. But I don’t regret it, because I knew God was behind it & I trusted Him more than myself.
But then I met my husband, a decade or so later, & I realized that God had a better plan for me than I had had for myself. My husband didn’t seem like my “dreamboat” from first glance, the way the other man had, but the longer we are married (six years now), the more he seems tailored to fit my weaknesses & insecurities & past & future better than I imagined possible.
Long story short, I am so glad that I trusted God above my own fierce desires & temptations to believe that my heart knew better than God a decade earlier.
The Bible even speaks to this, “The heart is deceitful above all things… Who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)
“Be True to Self”
How can I trust myself to be “true to myself” when that understanding of myself is so often incorrect or incomplete?
And again (& in so many other verses as well), the Bible speaks to this: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)
You see, because we don’t fully understand ourselves the way God does, we can’t really understand what will help or benefit us in the long run… We only have a marred & blurry glimpse into what we think we want or need right now, in this moment.
But God sees the full picture. He knows you inside & out. He sees your comings & goings, when you sit & when you rise (Psalm 139:2). He numbers every hair on your head (Luke 12:7). He knit you together in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13). He sees all things & knows all things. Your past, present, & future are laid out before Him.
He Knows Us
He can be trusted to know us better than we know ourselves.
And here comes another doozy… We all want to be liked & accepted for “who we are,” even though we ourselves often do not know who that is.
We shape so many behaviors in this quest to find true love & acceptance for who we are. Sometimes we highlight what we believe to be better about ourselves & sometimes we hide away what we believe others can’t love.
We want so badly for someone to “get us”, the “real” us, but oftentimes, we are left wanting more, because we may not fully understand what will satisfy that longing fully & completely.
But here’s the thing… We will never be fully satisfied on this “hamster wheel” of trying to be “authentic” & “liked.”
We were meant to find our satisfaction & identity & worth in Jesus Christ.
God Wants You to Know Yourself Through HIS Design!
God made you for a relationship with Himself.
God MADE you. He KNOWS you.
So take the time to ask Him about HIS design for you. Be willing to toss out all presuppositions, perceptions, passions, or longings to ask Him what you were designed for & to show you what will actually satisfy you the way you are so desperately searching.
Ask Him.
I went through the same process & I was amazed, awed, & so glad I did!
I have a long way to go & many areas that I excuse or hide about myself because I think it’s just a part of me, but God knows better & I refuse to leave it at my own perception or even my own ability to change.
He is bigger & wiser & stronger & more powerful & more loving & more ABLE than we will ever comprehend.
So, ask Him!
Ask Him & Don’t Stop Asking Him
Refuse to accept the prison chains that hold you back or hold you down.
Ask Him to let His Truth set you free—for Good! (John 8:31-32)
Don’t settle for a façade. Don’t settle for anything less than the beautiful design that God intended for you, Lovely. Ask Him.
Coming Next Week
Join me next week for more encouragement on michellehydeonline.com! See you then!
A Note from Michelle:
If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3
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Weekly Special Spotlight:
Each week, I will feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!
Stardust Studs
Empowering women out of poverty in India & Jordan!
These sterling silver stud earrings hold a white opaque moonstone.
Artisan Information:
The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Through these artisan groups, these women in India have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education and healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!
Purchase this piece and empower a woman in India!
(*Also pictured: Sea Glass Necklace from Jordan)
Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE, Lovely!
