Almost the End to a New Beginning

Well, we are one “Pivot” moment away from finishing this series! That’s so hard to believe after these (including this one) 14 “Pivots” that we have walked through together.

A Different Sort of Autobiography

It has always been a dream of mine to write an “autobiography”, not of what amazing things I have accomplished or done, but what God has worked in my life that I never saw as possible from my human perspective.

Being given the opportunity to share all of these moments with you has been a pleasure, especially the reminders, even for myself, of all that God has done & is capable of doing in our lives as we lean into Him.

Maybe someday I will better edit all of these “Pivot” stories into that autobiography of sorts. I guess we will see where God leads!

Trouble in Paradise

But, for today, we are talking about a touchy (& freeing) topic.

It’s touchy because a lot of hurt often surrounds this topic, but it’s freeing knowing the right perspective of leaning into God above all else, whether things work out or not.

“Trouble in Paradise”, as I have titled it, is a story of God doing what I felt was the impossible… bridging the gap in marital (or relational) trouble.

In It Together

You see, after God had led every step of our dating relationship as we leaned into Him consistently for direction & answers (read more, here), we felt like our bond was unbreakable.

We were bound together by trust in Him & a friendship built on Him.

Nothing could shake us.

We had aired all of our “dirty laundry” by sharing our deepest shames & hurts & mistakes… but we were forgiven.

We had shared all of our quirks… but we were accepted.

We had faced hurt & struggle… but had prayed through it all… together.

After the “Happily Ever After”

But then we moved to Guam… 3 months after we were married.

And things weren’t as great anymore.

We started out strong, but between the stress of adjustment to life on the other side of the globe & Jamie working 12 hour shifts several days a week (& usually taking on extra shifts for co-workers), let’s just say that it began to take its toll on us.

I felt neglected. He felt over-worked & stretched thin.

I felt bored & restless. He felt exhausted & ready to crash.

I felt alone & in need of company. He felt over-stimulated & in need of alone time.

We felt placed on opposite ends of every spectrum, unable to bridge the divides that seemed to be getting wider every month.

Beginning to Feel the Strain… Pull Us Apart

Fights became easier. Disagreements & misunderstandings were more common. Emotions were high & needs were left unmet on both sides.

We were strained & frustrated & tired.

My needs became a burden on us both—not because he didn’t think they or I were important, but because after work, he had nothing left to give.

Personal Perceptions Are Often Deceptive

But I felt like he must think me & my needs unimportant because they were SO important to me & yet he still didn’t meet them.

And he felt like I was putting too much pressure on him because he was already exhausted from work every day.

We were disconnected & hurt.

We argued & fought & stormed off & shut doors more forcefully than necessary.

We hurt.

I found myself often crying alone, curled up on the floor of our bathroom, with the lights out.

What I Wanted

I had heard that marriage was hard, but I felt like I had lost my very best friend, just by getting married to him.

I wanted to leave him & go back to America & be with my family & friends.

I wanted the hurt to stop.

I was learning very clearly in that time the truth that our spouse is not meant to fulfill our needs.

Only God can do that.

It’s Not Like the Movies… But It’s So Much Better

But culture sings a different tune, one where our spouse, who probably wishes they actually could, can fulfill all of your dreams & make you the happiest person imaginable.

And we probably still want to do that, but realistically, we don’t have the power to do that.

We have our own fears, hurts, insecurities, weaknesses, trauma, shortcomings, failures, etc. & when you join two imperfect people, you’re obviously going to have an imperfect marriage.

So Much Freedom in Removing That Expectation!

And oh the burden we are freed from when we realize that being our spouse’s EVERYTHING is not our purpose or even in our ability.

And oh the freedom it GIVES our spouse to release them from that supposed expectation.

Then, How?

So how did we do it? How are we good friends & happily married after the battle wounds we received in that painful couple years?

Prayer.

That’s right… prayer.

But, I Didn’t Start There

But, like I said, I first resorted to balling up in figurative tears (Fun Fact: I can’t cry actual tears) & wanting to quit it all & run from the hurt.

I resorted to wanting to bail & start over at home with my family. I wanted to give up because I felt so unloved.

But Jamie still loved me terribly, & through the deep ache, I loved him just as much… so why weren’t we able to express that to each other?

My Ache Turned Into My Prayer

At the end of one of our arguments, I was laying in bed, with my back turned to Jamie… silently sobbing into the edge of my pillow, begging God for help & pouring out my heart to Him like I had done countless times before on the floor of our bathroom.

“God, why is this happening! Why do I feel like Jamie & I are so far apart?! How did we get here!? I miss him so much & I HATE that we’re always at odds with each other… but I feel like no matter what, we’re never on the same page… like he doesn’t ever care about me! I feel so alone & betrayed. I thought he loved me but he gets mad or frustrated when I even want to spend time with him & he just plays video games alone in his spare time, with his headphones on, like I am just a home accessory!! He used to make me feel like his whole world & now he barely even talks to me. I hate my life here. I hate what this job has taken from me… from us. I want him back but that seems impossible now. Too many things we can’t take back & too many misunderstandings & disagreements. I don’t even feel like I know him anymore… Like I have been tricked. Did he never really love me? How can he act so callously toward me? Help us. Show us the way back to each other. PLEASE. Help us. Help me. I don’t know how to get back to him anymore & I miss him so much. Please show me what to do.”

God’s Response… God’s Solution… Trust HIM

… “Ask him to pray with you.”

That was the simple thought the washed over my mind like a gentle breeze.

“Ask him to pray with you.”

But I didn’t want to.

Did Jamie even care? Did he even want us back? If he cared, he would have tried already. (So many insecurities rushed over my heart.)

“Ask Him to pray with you.”

FINE. But I don’t want to.

And When I Obeyed God’s Guiding, God Healed

“Jamie, we should pray.”

“Ok.”

And so he prayed a prayer that shocked & shook me & expressed all the love for me that I was afraid wasn’t there.

To paraphrase his prayer:

“God, I don’t know what to do. We can’t seem to get along. I love Michelle, but I am too tired. I am stretched thin at work & I just don’t have the energy to be what she needs me to be. It hurts that I don’t feel like I can help her & it’s frustrating. Help me know what to do. Please help her hurt. Amen.”

And then I prayed my hurt out loud, too.

And we both cried & we hugged each other & just clung on.

God Knew How

It ended up that we genuinely both wanted a solution but neither of us new how to make it happen, were doing the best we knew how, & had different expectations on what that should look like.

And when we started both turning to God, instead of ourselves or each other, as the solution, God started to shape us & guide us along a path to help us both care for each other.

We became more understanding of each other’s needs, while not trying to meet them in our own wisdom or understanding, but by God’s.

We began letting go of the expectations we had placed on the other person to meet our needs & started leaning into God instead.

And we began to heal.

Start Looking to God for the Answers

God was the glue that took our efforts & our understanding & all of our other limitations & acted as our bridge to cover the great divide for us.

We stopped looking inward to fulfill each other.

We stopped looking to each other to fulfill ourselves.

And we started looking to God, together.

He is our glue. He is our bridge. He is our wisdom & solution. He is our strength.

A Work in Progress, Led by Grace

Do we still have disagreements & misunderstandings & occasional bad attitudes that we really shouldn’t be taking out on each other but it’s far too easy to do? Yes.

But we know the way back now. PRAYER. Leaning into GOD.

And we’re learning to turn to God BEFORE it gets bad, knowing we will reach the end of our limitations far sooner.

We’re human & we mess up. We are learning, but we don’t always get it right.

But God is the solution to that, too… because He will never stop working on our hearts. He is always ready to give grace as we grow toward Him.

He is a Good, Good Father.

Shine Hope, by letting God be your glue… & your bridge… to healing.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Restoring Hope Necklace

This versatile necklace features mother of pearl in hues of black on one side & off-white on the other, hanging from an antiqued brass chain.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The Complexities of Wanting Love

“Love”, oh what a wonderful topic to think about….

Or maybe it just seems elusive to you, a wish you wish for, but you feel is an impossible reality.

Or maybe yet, you have been hurt by love & either fear it or just feel jaded by it.

Well, all of the above describe how I once felt about LOVE.

Cue the Meet Cute

And then, I met someone who helped me open my heart to all of the beauty & joy & adventure of love… & no, I’m not talking about my husband (I didn’t know him yet).

And no, I am also not talking about God.

I am talking about a guy I met soon after high school.

This is not a typical love story though, because while I felt I had met the boy of my dreams, we never had a happily ever after.

Afraid of Love

I grew up with an unhealthy fear of long-term relationships.

I assumed they all fail… that one side would inevitably lose interest or feel trapped in the relationship… that some fights or disagreements would end up being unsolvable… that rifts form & that lusting after others through porn, flirtation, or adultery would always happen eventually.

I assumed I was too difficult to be loved… not pretty enough…  too emotional… too much of a mess… too insecure… too much of a talker… too unlovable… & that eventually, any guy who married me would figure that all out & want out.

In other words, I assumed it was only a matter of time before my heart was crushed, if I gave my heart to love someone.

Because of this, I was afraid to love. I was afraid to get attached.

I prayed over relationships, wanting so badly for love to be a possible reality for me.

Oh, What a Feeling!

And then I met him… a guy who opened my heart.

I felt so in love. I cherished every long phone conversation & was elated at every chance to spend even a few moments with him.

I shared my heart, my deepest fears & hurts… & he did the same.

He was kind & caring & took care of me. He was a wonderful friend.

I wanted so badly to love him forever & to finally break free of the fear. I wanted to marry him.

I wanted to believe he could really love me forever.

And I am sure he would have.

I trusted him & cared for him more than I ever believed I could care about someone.

But I broke his heart.

I Thought I Knew

I was ready to go all in… to trust him with my heart & to start talking about marriage.

I was ready to follow him anywhere & leave my fears behind.

I was ready to beat the odds with the man I loved so much.

I wanted to marry him more than I had ever wanted anything.

But I broke his heart.

I kept praying about our relationship.

“God, please let me marry him! I love him so much! I trust him & care about him, even at his worst. He is so kind & so good to me. I can tell him anything & know that he cares for me. Please let me feel peace to push through the fear & marry him. I want to spend my life with him. He means so much to me. Please, please, please!”

But every time I sought God’s peace & blessing to spend my life with this wonderful friend, I felt a brick wall.

“Just Keep Praying,” I Thought… “Maybe God Will Change His Mind”

I couldn’t move past the feeling of unrest, an obvious, unsettled lack of peace in my heart.

So, I kept praying through the weeks & months we were together, unwilling to let go of the man I loved so much based on a current lack of peace.

I assumed the peace would come eventually, if I just held on & kept praying.

But it never came.

The dread started seeping in, as I realized that I didn’t feel God was ever going to be giving His blessing–His blessing, based on His omniscient, all-wise, over-all perspective.

But, God.…! Pleeeaase!

I hurt so many nights after a day well spend with the man I loved so much. I grieved the potential break up I felt God was edging me toward.

I felt as if God was gently trying to pry my fingers off of what I was clinging to so tightly… my desire to spend my life with the man I loved.

And I didn’t want to let Him.

I wanted to beg Him to change His mind.

I didn’t understand why God would let me love someone so much & not let me be with him. It felt so unfair.

No Matter the Reason, Yet I Will Trust Him

I knew this man didn’t trust in God, but I thought that could change as he got to know Him through our relationship.

I could feel my heart compromising my faith as I sought to be agreeable to the man I loved. But I thought I could overcome that.

But no matter God’s reasons, He was making it clear that my love & I were not the best match for each other, in some ways that I couldn’t even see myself.

And so, after many tears, much rebellious stalling (hoping to never have to leave him… hoping God would change His mind if I waited just a week longer), after seeing that God did not budge in allowing me peace to continue my relationship that I wanted so badly… I broke the heart of the man I loved.

Crushed… Shattered… Yet Not Hopeless

I knew he wouldn’t understand that I had gotten my answer from prayer, because he didn’t believe in God.

I didn’t want to explain why I had to do it, because I wanted him to trust God & not hate him.

And so, I let my love hate me instead.

And it crushed me… shattered me.

Collateral Damage

To make matters worse, I also leaned into a great friend for support, only to end up crushing his heart as well, when my love returned & I left my friend behind, not knowing his care for me was more romantic than friendship.

And when my love had returned, I was sure this time God would say yes this time around. But He didn’t… & I had to crush his heart & mine a second time.

I lost two people I cared for SO MUCH within a short time.

Not only did I have to walk away from someone I cared so strongly for, but I let him believe I didn’t love him as much as I did, in order to protect his potential future trust in God, the only One who could ever love him the way that he really needed.

Crawling Out from the Wreckage… Finding Hope

This heartbreak haunted me for about 5 years. I would check his Facebook once or twice a year just to relieve myself that he was happy & healthy & loved. I would cry when a movie reminded me of him (like Becoming Jane or Fever Pitch). I would wish that someday, God would bring us back together again… until he married someone else.

I have prayed for him consistently since then, that he would feel loved & cared for… that God would reach his heart & give him a kind of freedom & joy & peace like he’s never known. That God would guide him as a husband & father…. That he would come to Jesus & find lasting, sure hope.

I know now the story God had planned for me was my wonderful husband, Jamie, who loves me in a way that grows me as a human being & encourages me to lean into God with each trial, hurt, or obstacle. I know that God knew what He was doing because my husband & are so complementary in how we support each other. I wouldn’t trade my husband for the world!

But I didn’t know then.

I just had to blindly trust that if God was not going to give me peace, He had a reason.

God Always Knows… God Always Has a Plan… And He Loves Us Unconditionally

I lost someone I loved & I grieved for several years as if he had died, but God had a different plan for our lives & I know now that God knew what He was doing all along.

God always knows.

I know our hearts can be convincing, but God sees our full past, present, & future, with every facet & nuance & hidden trauma. He knows our God-given gifting & the plans He has built into our lives & our purpose.

He always knows best.

My love was real, but God knew better than me.

And I am so glad that I trusted God above my love for the man I loved so much.

Thankful I Listened

I will never stop praying for that man because of how much he once meant to me, but I know 100% that God had a better plan for the both of us & I am so thankful that I listened to God’s nudging on my heart to let go & trust God instead of my heart.

Always trust God before emotions, desires, & dreams… He always knows best.

He knows YOU best & He knows what is best for YOU. Trust Him first, always.

Shine hope, by bowing your will to His way & trusting Him with every step, every desire, every hurt, & every love. God’s got you.

Coming Next Week

Join me every Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, & to follow along on my journey through the major pivotal moments that helped shape my faith & helped me trust God more & more.

Share with friends & Subscribe by Joining My Tribe, so you never miss a week!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Holly Necklace

Co-Founder Holly’s passion is to empower women to be all God created them to be & to live out their potential. Whether in the brothels of Asia to hometown USA, her desire is to see women live out their calling with pride & dignity. This piece is a reflection of the pride & skills a woman rescued from the brothels has when given the opportunity. A delicate piece, this golden/pink druzy necklace sparkles in the light.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Pivot Moments

These last couple weeks, I have begun taking you on a journey of major “Pivot” moments in my life.

In these moments of life change, God has shown Himself true & reliable & capable. He has been the love & grace & patience & power that has gotten me through & He is patiently guiding me to be the woman He made me to be.

Doubts to Darkness

This week, we are following through with the results of last week’s Pivot moment & the answers that finally squashed all of the doubts rattling my heart.

((To catch up from last week & read the story of my seemingly endless doubts, check out that post, here.))

So, after a year or two of doubting everything I once believed in about the simplicity of grace… depression hit me hard.

We’re about to dive headfirst into my darkest days, so hold on!

Shutting God Out & Choosing Me

You see, I had just spent about two years slowly training myself to shut out God’s voice of wisdom & warning from guiding me. I wanted to do it my way.

And now, I was in a raging, stormy sea without a life preserver, just struggling to survive on my own.

Depression became two long years of pain like I had never known before.

How It Began

I was a freshman, & then sophomore, in high school at this point, & my life was a mess of uncertainty & shame & fear & anger & hatred & loneliness & everything bad.

The cynical voice in my head had turned menacing & hurtful… telling me LIES that I believed, “Nobody likes you, you know. You’re not good enough for anybody. You’re an idiot. You’re fat & ugly. No one wants you. Their lives are harder because you’re alive. You complicate everything. Their lives are more peaceful & happier when you’re not here. Why are you here? No one wants you. You’re annoying. You’re too loud. You talk too much. Look at the mistakes you’ve made… you can’t undo them. You are a broken person who can’t be put together again. It would be better if you didn’t exist. You just make life harder for everyone. You would be doing everyone a service to not be here anymore. You can’t ever get anything right. Your family doesn’t want you. Your friends think you’re a joke. God doesn’t care about you either, if He even exists. You’re all alone. Why are you still here?”

Those lies were my every moment. I couldn’t shut them up or drown them out.

Trying to “Fake It Til I Make It”

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shut off those voices in my head telling me life would be better without me in it.

I got so tired of asking for advice from others… because it never helped.

I started plastering on a smile that never quite reached my eyes & pretending that I was fine & I could handle it.

But I couldn’t.

Fading Away in the Silence

I was chipping away… My resolve weakening every time I cried.

I would be sitting in class, listening to that endless reel of hateful dialogue in my head & my eyes would burn with hidden tears.

I would write my hurt & fears in journals, needing to tell SOMEONE, only to end up sobbing at the fact that that “someone” was paper because I didn’t feel like I had anyone who understood the hell inside my head.

Sometimes I thought about suicide.

No One Understood, Not Even Me

I would try to tell someone, only to be mocked or teased or brushed off.

I would plaster a smile on my face that never quite reached my eyes.

I felt numb & hated & unloved. I felt angry & hurt & alone. I felt LOST in my sea of doubts, unable to find steady ground to hold on to.

My Secret Tears

I would come home from school so many days, grab my kitty “Valentine”, & slowly, quietly close & lock my bedroom door trying not to draw attention to myself, duck into my closet, underneath my row of clothes hanging above me, close the closet doors to block out the sunlight (& the sound of my sobs), & then wail into a pillow I had brought in with me, hugging my cat tightly under the other arm.

I spent several days a week like this for two years & I don’t know if anyone ever even knew.

My Life Began to Fall Apart

I hated my life & everything in it because I felt so alone & so unloved & so worthless.

The menacing whisper never let up either. It followed me everywhere I went, never letting my heart rest.

I felt constantly beat up by a relentless wave of self-hatred.

My grades began plummeting. Relationships became strained.

I was losing faith in myself & others seemed to follow suit.

Pray, Girl, Pray! … But I Did!

At this point, you might be thinking, “Michelle! Your advice is always ‘pray first!’ so why didn’t you do that???”

I prayed so much it hurt.

I felt that God had abandoned me… that my choices to slowly, gradually do things my own way had offended Him beyond repair.

I was a Christian who “knew” better & yet had still turned her back on God.

Why would He want me? … If He even existed (I wasn’t sure of anything anymore).

But I kept praying.

Is He Listening? Does He Care?

I wondered how God could love me & let me suffer.

I wondered if He had just created us & left us down here to suffer while He laughed & pointed out our failures.

I wondered if He was even real.

But I kept praying because I knew that if He was real, He’d be my only hope.

I Prayed… & I Hurt

If He was real, the way He describes Himself throughout the Bible, then He alone was powerful enough to clear my doubts & prove Himself as the one true God.

If He was real, He had the power to fix everything.

And yet, I kept hurting.

I kept hurting worse, with every day, or so it seemed to my breaking heart.

I felt alone.

Rays of Hope Broke Through

And there would come times where I thought I saw Him through the dark clouds that overtook me.

A ray of sunshine (of hope) would break through my heart.

I would think, “Hey, that seems to be God helping me… right when I asked Him for help, _______________ happened! Maybe God DOES care about us… about me!!!”

But the Doubts Always Seemed to Win

But then, another wave of darkness… I would brush off that ray of hope like a glitch… or maybe I had just felt stronger that day & had just thought it was God or maybe it’s because someone helped me other than God… or basically maybe it was anything but God.

So, I would keep praying. But I would keep trying to find hope my own way.

And things like that ray of hope would keep happening when I chose to pray.

And still I found a way to credit something else as the source… Something other than God.

I kept praying.

The Lost Man At Sea

Have you ever heard the story/joke about the man drowning, begging God to save Him?

Well, first someone throws him a life preserver, but he says, “No thank you! I am waiting for God to save me!”

Then a boat comes along & offers to rescue him as he screams to God for help… “No thank you!” he responds, “I am waiting for God to save me!”

Then a rescue helicopter comes & offers him a ladder to climb out of the choppy seas. “No thank you! I am waiting for God to save me!”

Well, eventually the man exhausts himself from treading water & crying out to God & the waves overtake him & he drowns at sea.

When he gets to heaven, he says, “God, why didn’t you save me?? I kept crying out to You!! Didn’t You hear me?? Didn’t You care?!?”

God patiently, gently rests His hand on the man’s shoulder & responds, “My son, I did hear you. I did listen. I sent you a life preserver, a boat, & finally a helicopter… But you didn’t accept any of it.”

That’s Where I Was… That’s What I Did

That was me during depression. I cried out to God. He responded. I accredited it to someone or something else & kept crying out to God to save me.

I would fall back into the darkness only to go back to relying on myself.

I doubted God too much to stay holding on to Him as my source for help because I didn’t know He was the One helping.

Thoughts of Suicide Became Plans for Suicide… But Then, GOD

And eventually, after years of asking (begging, through bleary eyes) for God to answer & clear up my doubts & to give me a true sense of hope & peace & security… I began to give up hope completely.

My temptation for suicide became more than just considerations… it became something that felt like my only hope.

No one wanted me (according to the lies in my head) & I wasn’t good for anything other than being a burden to everyone around me (again, the lies were ruthless & relentless).

No matter what I had tried to be strong enough, to smile through it, to think more positively, to ignore it, to find my own “happy”, to fight back, to be good enough… nothing EVER worked long term. They all crumbled eventually & they left me with nothing left to fight with.

I was done.

One Night… I Gave Up

And one night, through my desperate sobs, bringing me to my knees in my bedroom… Eventually weighing me down so much that I lay flat, face burrowed in the carpet…

I gave up fighting.

I was ready to die.

I was ready for the pain to stop because I couldn’t carry it anymore.

I didn’t feel I had any choice. I felt it was the merciful choice for a family & for friendships where I only caused them more drama, more burden, more pain.

I was ready to stop fighting. I had nothing left in me to try or to give.

I was tired & angry & hurt & felt unloved & invisible & mocked & ugly & fat & worthless & stupid & never good enough & weak & a burden. And I was so, so, SO tired.

One Night… I Stopped Trying to be “Strong Enough”

And as I lay there, face planted into the carpet, arms limp at my sides… legs lifeless… heart bleeding. No strength left to cry. Just numb & empty.

With barely a whisper worth of strength & hope left.

I prayed.

“God, don’t You hear me? Don’t I matter at all to You? Do You even exist? Are You laughing at me? Why won’t You help me? Why did You even make someone as worthless as me? [Sobs] I can’t do it anymore. I can’t fight. I have nothing left. If You are real, You are my ONLY option now nothing else works. My parents think I am drugged out. My sisters can’t seem to stand me… Many of my friends laugh at me like I’m a joke… My teachers don’t even bother anymore… I have nothing left. No one left. I can’t do it anymore, God. I’m not strong enough. If You really are God, You are my only hope. You are all that’s left. Please. Show me You are real, that You are near me & that You care for me. And if You can’t do that, kill me because I give up trying to be strong enough. Be my everything or let me die.”

One Night… God Changed EVERYTHING

And as my prayer faded… it happened.

Every ounce of hatred, of pain, loneliness, fear, doubt, anger, sadness, despair, sorrow, & everything that had pressed me down & down until I couldn’t stand anymore… EVERYTHING vanished in a single instant.

I felt a full breath of hope fill my lungs.

I felt goosebumps dance across every inch of skin.

I felt hope & love & joy & peace flood me like a rushing surge of water, racing to fill every broken place within me.

I felt FREE….

A smile danced at the corner of my mouth, erasing the bitterness & hopelessness.

I sat up, stunned.

I felt as if strong, warm arms wrapped around my entire self, squeezing the loneliness & fear into a safe embrace full of love.

And every doubt was shot dead in that one moment.

God Had a Plan That I Didn’t See… He Always Has a Plan

God wasn’t letting me suffer for the fun of it…. No!

He KNEW that unless He peeled away everything else that I clung to as my source of hope, I would just keep clinging to everything else but Him… Everything but real hope.

He knew those things weren’t my answer & that the lies I believed kept me imprisoned into believing I was left to rely on unsustainable, unstable sources… like myself… ones that crumbled & faded & ebbed & flowed.

He wanted me to know solid, secure ground. He wanted me to know what true, eternal hope felt like, apart from anything temporal & fleeting that I tried to cling to.

He knew that the ONLY way to show Himself as the One true source of Hope & Truth that would get my attention & STICK was to take everything else away where there was only Him left.

Truth Is Truth, & It SHALL Set You FREE!

I had asked, not for a temporary fix, but for TRUTH I could rest in & rely on & He did what He knew it would take to show me that it was found only in Him.

You see, if you are really seeking truth… not “truth” that you WANT to believe, but ACTUAL, REAL TRUTH… God is capable of knowing exactly how you will know 100% what that truth is. He can make it crystal clear (with no smudges of doubt!)

If you just want a “truth” that satiates you into living how you want, you will always be on the waves of the sea like I was… trying helplessly to cling to whatever you think might help, only to see it insufficient & far from lasting.

But if you want SURE faith that you can go ALL IN & not come out a fool.

If you want something you can securely build your life upon…

It’s in Him. It’s found ONLY Him.

So ask Him.

Not a SINGLE Regret… Only Praise! And Freedom!

If you think I regret for a SINGLE moment those several years of doubts & then depression & then eventual suicidal thoughts plaguing my life… you are DEAD WRONG.

I feel SO BLESSED & SO PRIVELEGED to KNOW 100% what I can count on.

Do I still make mistakes? Heck yes! Do I still have doubts pop up? Heck yes!

Is God patient to guide me & do I now finally have a source I can go to with FULL CONFIDENCE to answer those doubts with patience, love, grace, & TRUTH?

YES!!! A million times yes!

I Want You to Have Peace & Rest in REAL Truth… The Simple Grace Offered by Jesus

And I want that for you. It’s why I do this blog. It’s why I write when it’s not my strongest talent.

I want you to find that secure ground… That peace… That surety… That LOVE… & GRACE! I want you to know TRUTH!

 So come to Him with your doubts & don’t stop asking! He HEARS you!

Shine Hope, by trusting in the sure foundation of real, lasting, reliable TRUTH.

Coming Next Week

Join me next Monday morning EST to follow along with my journey of Pivot moments. I can’t wait to see you there!

And make sure to Subscribe (Join My Tribe), so you don’t miss it!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Quinn Necklace

This innovative statement piece is accented with white & silver beads & has a detachable bottom pendant (shown detached), creating two unique looks.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely! deused1 \lsd

If… Then…

I have heard it asked, more times than I can count, that “if God allows people to go to Hell, how can He be a good God?”

They also tend to follow that question with: “If God isn’t good, I don’t want to follow Him.”

The above declaration is also often preceded with God allowing the presence of evil in this world, so let’s address both concerns today.

Who Are We Compared to Him?

First of all, let’s get the “If God doesn’t [fill in the blank], then I don’t want to follow or believe in Him” claim out of the way.

If God IS real & He DID create the world & everything in it. If God DOES have complete control, power & dominion over it all… I would think our opinion of His deserving our respect should not matter so much. In fact, to risk being blunt, our opinion would be completely irrelevant.

He doesn’t have to get our stamp of approval for Him to be real & for His righteous punishment for the rebellion of sin to be real.

He Is “I Am”

And reality check, He IS real, He DID create the world & everything in it. And He DOES have complete control, power, & dominion over it all.

I feel that it’s important to start there because we are not dealing with a Someone whom we can shape to our liking or decide whether or not they are real or deserving… That’s not up for debate.

The consequences are real.

But so is His grace.

How Is God Good?

So, let’s get to the “God is Good” part, in light of sin & the consequences of that sin (Hell) as a reality we must accept.

So maybe you decide God could possibly be real. Maybe you feel that little tug on your heart, beckoning you to accept His grace & be welcomed into His haven of love & comfort & hope, even on earth.

But maybe you’re stuck on sin… & on Hell.

Maybe you question God’s goodness & therefore doubt whether you can put your faith & trust into Someone you feel afraid of or defensive of in light of what you believe about yourself or the world.

Completely understandable. I have BEEN there.

Even after I got saved, I grappled with this for a while.

It’s scary.

But…

Digging Deeper

God IS Good, & so let us dig a bit deeper than the surface.

Oftentimes, we hate this idea about God because we either see our own good intentions or the good intentions of others, when thinking about our sin.

Or maybe we feel haunted by a decision we made or something we did & now we feel trapped under the wrath of God, afraid to accept it as a reality rather than an imagined construct that we can just dismiss & figuratively run away from (or try to).

But God’s wrath is real.

BUT, His grace is just as real & it covers your worst when you bow it all to Him.

We Choose to Choose

You see, if you caught my blog post a couple weeks ago, “Garden of Eden: What Was So Wrong About Eating That Fruit?” then you know that we were never intended to be in this mess of a world & life in the first place.

God’s intent was for us to stroll with Him in the perfect Garden of Eden without fears or worry, pain or strife, living in a trusting relationship with our Father God in control of everything in this world that would otherwise cause us lasting &/or immense pain.

But Adam & Eve rebelled, wanting to make those calls for themselves, thus dooming us with that same knowledge of good & evil, brought on by eating that fruit.

And not only that, but we choose to eat of that fruit every day, don’t we?–in the way that we live, choosing to supersede God’s will & way so that we can do it our own way (& inevitably screw something or someone up).

We Have the Knowledge, But Not the Infinite Wisdom

You see, we have the knowledge of good & evil, yes, but we DON’T have the capacity to see every ripple effect of every choice. We DON’T have full wisdom to see all pieces in play past, present, & future. We DON’T always know all the details involved or the subconscious trauma that our decisions cause ourselves & others simply by essentially shoving God out of the way to run things ourselves.

Even as a Christian, I am guilty of living like this, despite my intent, every single day.

It’s too easy to go based on habit, cultural norm, how I was raised, my own perceptions, my self-protection mode, good intentions, pride, fear, insecurities, doubts, uncertainties, etc., before stopping to realize I have done it again—I have acted without stopping to ask God for guidance on how to do it best.

No One Good But God

You see, we mess up every day.

No one can call themselves Good. Even Jesus said, “there is no one good, no not one” (paraphrase Romans 3:10-12) & that our “righteousness is like dirty rags.” (Isaiah 64:6)

Only God is good because He is perfection. He is lacking nothing.

He doesn’t make mistakes. He doesn’t act out of fear or hate or pride.

He just IS. He is the great I AM.

All God Asks…

And all God asks of us is to trust Him to do the hard stuff, to protect us from the painful things, & to guide us in the way that will bring us & others the most joy, fulfillment, & peace.

But we still rebel.

God Also Made a Way Back for Us

And THEN, we have the audacity to shake our fists at God for sin on this earth… for not allowing entrance into heaven for those who do not accept His grace offered through Jesus Christ.

Because He offers that grace to EVERYONE, without exception.

God Makes All Things New

Paul murdered countless Christians, BUT when he surrendered his wrongs to God, God restored him & gave him a new purpose (his originally designed purpose) to encourage countless more to find hope in Christ.

David was called a man after God’s own heart when he repented of his own guilt & shame of sleeping with another man’s wife & then sending that man to the frontlines so that her pregnancy would not be found out. But God redeemed him & used his life for wonderful things, washing his slate clean.

You see, the people written about in the Bible aren’t even “good” people.

They are REDEEMED people. Redeemed through the blood sacrifice of Jesus Christ, for even them.

And for you.

He Gives Hope Despite What We Really Deserve

THAT is why we can easily call God our GOOD God, because despite the fact that the perfect life of trust & peace & joy in Him, that He intended for us to have was spit upon by Adam & Even eating that fruit… And EVEN THOUGH we make that same decision daily by bypassing His help to do it our own way… & even though we have pasts that make us cringe in the sight of God’s righteous judgment upon our sin….

God… Offers… GRACE.

HE made the way. He paid the price. He invites us back to Himself. He bridged the gap. He beckons us home.

Run to Grace

He forgives. He guides. He loves. He protects. He listens. He gives Himself as a Comforter through the Holy Spirit. He gives HIS grace to all who seek it, through Jesus’ sacrifice on our behalf.

Don’t live defending your wrongs, in the sight of God Almighty. Run to Him.

Don’t live running from His righteous judgement. Run TO Him.

Don’t be content avoiding God in fear. Run to Him.

He Gives Grace & His Grace Is FREE

He is beside you, waiting with open arms to welcome you home.

No questions asked… No lecture awaiting your return… No crossed arms or glaring gaze.

Just GRACE.

Celebratory dancing & singing, twirling around with joy, hands reached out to pull you into a loving, joyous embrace, an “I’m just so glad you’re HOME!” type GRACE.

Let Him…

Let Him love you.

Let Him shower you with His goodness.

Ask Him to show you, personally, His love & forgiveness & hope & GRACE.

It is so, SO worth it, my friend!

Always Learning, Always Growing

Even I have to constantly grow & learn new ways to submit my ways to Him, so that I can experience His presence & goodness more thoroughly in my life.

I will forever need to grow, but His grace is once & for all.

I am forgiven. I am set free. I can look forward to heaven with full assurance that the grace of God covers even me.

And it covers you as well.

Will you answer the call?

Coming Next Week

Join me next Monday morning EST for more weekly encouragement!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Nairobi Necklace

Small hammered ovals & ethically sourced bone shapes adorn this golden necklace that shimmers in the light. Crafted in Kenya.

Artisan Information:

In Kenya, where many people struggle with starvation & poverty, the women we partner with are defying the odds! Your purchase empowers these women to earn an income, overcome physical disabilities, & become important parts of their communities!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Kenya!

(*Also Pictured: Grace Earrings, made in the Philippines!*)

SHOP Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

The King Who Deserves My All

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like, if I let Someone else have the reins.

If I stop tirelessly trying to have all control, & let Someone else rule my life.

I know that it’s foolish to believe I know better.

I know that it’s vanity to try to do better… Than the Sovereign One who reigns.

But still I find myself fighting to win out control & come out above even Him.

It’s silly really because I know He loves me so

And that His vast wisdom & power far surpasses my own…

He is limitless, infinite, & never lacking at all.

He is Creator, Redeemer, & Almighty God.

And who am I but a flea? A creation created by He.

And yet still, though my fight wages even today, knowing full well He deserves the throne…

He died for me. He loves me. And He patiently guides me when I offer my will to His way.

I don’t deserve the kind of love that my gracious Savior gives,

And yet He lavishes so, on my broken, weary, & rebellious soul…

Letting His love be the call that calls me to drop all control.

And fall safely & securely into the arms of my God. Resting in His full control.

I don’t obey because I have to, for He gives me the choice.

I don’t follow from guilt, for His grace set me free, through Christ’s willing payment on that wretched old tree.

I don’t bow because of force, for His gentle hand guides me.

He is patient & kind & loving & perfect.

He is gentle & strong & sovereign & wise.

He gives grace undeserving for His love covers all.

I walk humbly & slowly, & sometimes broken & stumbling…

To be wrapped in His warm loving arms.

For despite my wasteful life, He has arms open wide,

A banquet & celebration waiting for me,

If only I turn & come home.

To my all-powerful, loving, Savior who willingly died for me

And calls me to lay my crown at His feet

And let Him knowingly, wisely, & perfectly guide me

Into the potential woman He made me to be

He beckons for kindness, for love, & graciousness

For patience & self-control.

And above it all, a life bowed to Him,

The King Who deserves my all.

Coming Next Week

Check back on Monday morning EST for more regularly scheduled encouragement!

I hope you enjoyed this month’s Special Feature (every last Thursday of the month), in the form of this poem.

This poem came from my heart & encourages even me at the loving heart of our Lord God. I hope this poem encouraged you to fall into His arms & to begin or continue this wonderful journey of understanding more fully His deep love for you. It’s a beautiful adventure!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives for women around the world. These hand-crafted pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Sea Glass Necklace

Artisans recreate the look and feel of sea glass by upcycling glass bottles from local hotels & restaurants that would otherwise be discarded, & tumble it with water & sand from the Red Sea until it is smooth & resembles the beautiful pieces found in nature. Sizes & colors may vary.

Artisan Information:

Many Jordanian women have their lives controlled by their closest male relative. They balance many customs at home, creating a lack of independence. Some of these women are divorced, widowed, or married to a man who may already have many wives. But amid struggles, these women we work with arrive to a family-like workplace. They can be heard singing, laughing, & seen drinking tea while creating our unique jewelry made from upcycled glass bottles. The glass is tumbled with water & sand from the Red Sea. Your purchase empowers them with boldness & financial independence for the first time!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Jordan!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely! 

 

Still a Work in Progress

First, I want to make sure that I clarify something up front… I am NOT writing this because I have got this practice of graciousness down & nor am I confident in consistently getting it right in my attempts to be gracious.

I write to you today as a fellow struggler in this area of graciousness. I write this as someone who needs these reminders just as much as anyone else.

I write this because God makes a way, even when it feels IMPOSSIBLE in our own efforts.

Feeling the Sting

So, graciousness… I can guess, pretty confidently, that I am not the only one who struggles in this area, am I right?

Whether you have felt the sting in your own heart, wanting to prevent showing any sign of grace because of a hurt done to you, or whether you have made a mistake, (even a one time slip up), only to be met with the opposite of graciousness… It affects us all.

And it hurts. A LOT.

Loving Our Enemies (Or People Who Hurt Us) Isn’t Easy!

But God asks us to be gracious to people who have hurt us & even asks us to love & pray for our ENEMIES & to leave justice in God’s able hands.

But that is so hard to do, isn’t it?

Even though, as I pray over & think over this topic, I am reminded of what Jesus suffered through for our sakes (even for those who screamed for His death on the cross), I still found myself wanting justice & for wrongs being righted before I could submit to any form of graciousness.

Right in the Hurt

But God doesn’t want us to withhold grace until it feels deserved. (That sort of defeats the idea of it being considered grace, doesn’t it?)

He wants us to offer grace right in the midst of the hurt.

Because not only did He do the same for us… “For God demonstrates His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us…” (Romans 5:8) But God knows that He has the ability to fill the hole that the hurt left AND He has the ability to strengthen us to love as He loves, even when we don’t have it in ourselves to love that way. He IS SUFFICIENT. His GRACE is sufficient.

But How?!?

But how in the world do we love someone & extend grace to someone who clearly doesn’t deserve it?

Again, I might interject here that Christ knows a little something about that very thing…. But, it’s easy to think, “But… He’s God, so obviously He has more power to overcome that….” More on this in a minute.

The obvious answer is to pray & ask God to calm your heart & soothe the wound the other person inflicted. And to ask Him to right your perspective to love them the way He loves them. And to ask for HIS POWER to help us in being gracious because it feels so impossible to do so in our own strength.

Righting Our Perspective of HIM

But here is the other thing to try.

Not only should we pray for God’s perspective on how to love that other person who is hurting us & to extend grace to them…

But we should ask God to right our perspective about HIM.

The Hurts, Well They HURT!

I was recently faced with a situation that made graciousness seem pretty impossible. I wanted to defend myself & I wanted to resolve the unsettled, unresolved conflict that the other person seemed intent on leaving unresolved, after hurting my heart significantly.

I wanted to avoid that person. I wanted to gossip (but didn’t). I wanted to hide & never try again, afraid of being met with such rejection again.

And that’s what God used to show me the piece of the puzzle that prevented me from extending grace to that person…

Who Do I Live to Please?

I realized that their words were hurting me so much because I was making that person’s opinion of me a god in my life, hinging my emotions, future actions, & view of myself all on their words & opinions.

I was taking God out of His place as my Lord, & placing up there the words of that other person.

As if, if they were not happy with me, then I was “obviously” a failure & should doubt every future action unless it was met with their nod of approval.

I was living to please them, instead of God, & when that didn’t work, everything seemed to fall apart from there.

You see, God did not create me to please everyone. To love them, yes, but not to fashion my life around their whims or opinions.

Jesus Fixed His Eyes on God & Remained Gracious to the End

And that is where I started to find the road back to peace & forgiveness & graciousness.

Although Jesus came to die for the sins of mankind, the people who once praised & followed Him were eventually the ones screaming, “Crucify Him!!”

Talk about OUCH.

But Jesus knew Who God was, & it was not that crowd.

He came to serve God & to live for God’s purposes.

So, when those people screamed to have Him killed, although it hurt His heart, He continued fixing His eyes on God’s will.

Praise Is Nice, As Long As We Don’t Hinge Our Worth Or Actions on It

The praise of others feels nice & reassuring, but when we compromise our efforts of living to please God in order to maintain that praise, we miss the mark & end up in a scramble to keep that praise coming in order to feel secure.

I will make mistakes, undoubtedly. (I am pretty sure it’s a daily occurrence for me!) But as long as I do my best, through reliance on help from God, I cannot let the opinions or words of others become a god in my life.

I need to brush it off & keep my eyes focused on Him.

People are allowed their opinions, but His is the ONLY one that matters. EVER.

And because of that truth, I can learn to be gracious, in making God’s favor my aim.

My Prayer:

Lord God,

It hurts. I hate when others think so low of me, even when I am doing my best. But that is all I can do—my best. Help me to keep my eyes on You & on pleasing You, versus pleasing the fickle hearts & limited understanding that all of us humans possess. Lord, if I focus on making everyone happy & pleased with me, I will be tossed to & fro every day, dizzy from disappointing this person or that. But, God, You have a plan for me. You know where You want me & why. Help me to stay fixed on You in the midst of the arrows that race past me, threatening to disable me & to drown out my light for You. You are KING over all the earth. Help me to make You King in my life & help me to live for You & to be gracious to others. Amen.

Leaning into God When It Hurts

And when we live like that, showing graciousness when it is undeserved, we undoubtedly will shine a light for Him, because human nature screams self-protection & defensiveness & bitterness & even revenge… But God has the strength & power to help us rise above it all, if only we will lean into Him instead of trying to fight our way through it on our own.

Pray for a perspective to love them like God loves them… & pray for a perspective to make God Lord of your life versus the opinions of other humans like you.

Shine Hope, Lovely.

Coming Next Week

Join me each Monday morning, EST, for more encouragement, from imperfect me! See you then!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Petal Necklace

This cubic zirconia floral pendant hangs from an antique golden chain & pairs perfectly with the Petal Stud Earrings.

Artisan Information:

The women we partner with in India do so much more than just create beautiful products. With every purchase, another woman is empowered out of poverty to be self-reliant! Women have the opportunity to earn an income, attend financial management classes, & receive education & healthcare. These women are now able to give their family a promising future because of your purchase!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in India!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!

Something Missing

Have you ever felt like something is missing? Like you are scrambling through life, trying to be a good person, trying to please God with your life, but still feeling like you don’t even come close?

Especially for those of us who are Christians (those who have accepted the free gift of Jesus’ sacrificial grace), it can seem exhausting trying to keep up.

But what if that’s because we are missing something?

Is “Being Good” Good Enough?

Most of us want to believe that we’re good people, or at least that we try to be.

And for those of us who have accepted Christ’s gift of grace, having the understanding that we are free from the consequences of our guilt & shame, knowing that, after death, we will have the blessing of eternal love & joy to replace the eternal torment that we so deserve… we can sometimes think His help stops there.

When Jesus Left Earth, God Sent a “Comforter”

But God’s involvement in our lives is not just offered as a future hope from the debt we owe being covered by Christ’s sacrifice… It is offered right now, in daily life.

You see, despite this broken world preventing us from seeing the full vastness of God’s glory during life on this earth, God is with us.

If you remember, Jesus told us in John 14 that He was sending (& DID send!) a Comforter, the Holy Spirit.

So Much More Than Grace

God offers us Himself daily, through the workings of the Holy Spirit.

He offers comfort, strength, love, wisdom, guidance, & so much more.

As we seek to honor God with our lives, we will discover that we are frail & prone to temptation.

But God is infinitely strong, wise, powerful, gracious, loving & able.

The Daily Grind, With God’s Help, To Give Him Glory

As you reach each hurdle or obstacle in life, instead of agonizing over how to honor God or how to live for Him or how to be “good enough”, stop & ask for God’s help in doing those things. (*But, Hint: We will never be “good enough”, that’s why Jesus came to die in our place.)

Ask Him for peace, calm, comfort & wisdom when the kids are unruly (or when they’re driving you to hide in a closet & stuff chocolate in your face, as desperately exhausted tears roll down your cheeks–I get the feeling that every Mom faces these moments).

Ask for His wisdom & guidance before the tears even come.

Ask Him for strength, courage, & wisdom to do the right thing in a tough situation.

Ask for His peace & wisdom to guide your decisions when you’re in a tough spot & even before you’re in a tough spot.

Let God into the Conversation

That’s what “pray without ceasing” in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 is talking about… make God part of your inner conversation. Invite Him in.

Instead of mulling over, agonizing, fretting, plotting, brooding, moping, worrying, fearing, straining, guessing, or winging it… invite God in & ask what He would do instead.

God Is Our Victory, Not Us

He doesn’t expect us to be warriors for hope & truth in the darkness of this world without HIS comfort, courage, power, strength, & wisdom giving us the resources to make it happen.

I see you… maybe you’re like me & you drove yourself out of reading the Bible & praying & other things because it felt impossible.

But that’s because it is. For us. In our own strength.

But it’s not impossible for God. EVER.

Stop. And Pray.

So, before you throw in the towel, before you storm in to a situation or run away from it, before you rely on yourself to be the only way to make something happen… Stop & invite God in to the conversation.

Crawl, fall, or step into His loving & willing embrace & say something like this to Him:

“God, my [personality, upbringing, understanding, natural instinct, desires, fear, anger, hurt, etc.] is telling me to react like this, but God, You are greater than I. Your wisdom & knowledge & power & strength & courage & love & patience & graciousness are far more vast than my own. Help me to see it Your way. Help me to do it Your way. Help me to honor You. Give me what I need to walk this path the direction & way that gives You glory. You know what’s best for me AND for this situation more than I ever could, so help me to trust in You & rest in You. Guide me. Enable me to do Your will. HELP me to trust You & know You & love You more every day. Amen.”

There is no magic formula or magic set of words. He is waiting & willing to help you as you put your trust in Him.

Let God Do the Change in You As You Put More Trust in Him

Do you have doubts about Him? Ask Him for truth.

Do you have fears or shame that you hide away? Ask Him for His courage & grace.

Do you have worries & confusion that plague you? Ask Him for His wisdom.

Do you feel tired as a daughter, mother, employer, employee, wife, friend, etc.? Ask for His peace & guidance.

He is listening. He is waiting.

Crawl, fall, or step into His waiting embrace. Lean into Him. Trust Him.

And let Him in.

He is waiting for you, Lovely.

Coming Next Week

This week is our Special Feature post, every last Thursday of the month. So, stay tuned for something fun or different than our usual!

Make sure to join me next Monday morning EST, as I do my best to encourage you with the hope that only comes with trusting in Him to be your all, in this life & eternity to come.

Happy Easter (aka Resurrection Day)! He is risen! He is risen indeed!

A Note from Michelle:

If you would like to hear more of my story, check out the “About Me” page. And if you would like to hear how I found my lasting source of HOPE, read the “Hope Is Found” page, on this site. I hope they are an encouragement to you! <3

Also, make sure to “Join My Tribe” by adding your email to the top bar & clicking “Join My Tribe”. This gains you access to an extra weekly dose of encouragement from me in your inbox, along with the link to each week’s new post! I can’t wait to do this journey together!!

Weekly Special Spotlight:

Each week, I feature an item that is changing lives. These pieces are offering job creation opportunities for women artisans in impoverished nations all around the world! Check out this week’s featured beauty!!

Restoring Hope Necklace

This versatile necklace features mother of pearl in hues of black on one side and off-white on the other, hanging from an antiqued brass chain.

Artisan Information:

In Asia, poverty leads many women to be sexually exploited in brothels. These women want to provide for their families but have so few options. But through your purchase, women are being rescued from these brothels & rehabilitated. Holistic care is given to these women, including a shelter, job training, healthcare, counseling, & educational grants for themselves & their children. You can help these women experience restoration for their future!

Purchase this piece & empower a woman in Asia!

Shop Here, OR, Email me at michelle@michellehydeonline.com with any questions, & I will message you personally with more information!! Thank you for inspiring HOPE around the world, Lovely!